Signs You are Broke And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) These hot totties both come from our friend Linda! Such a large forward I had to split it up. Took me by surprise so I thought you'd all enjoy it too! I had no idea Leno had such a passion! Check these awesome ones out here... . .. __..---/______//-----. (( ) .".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! )) (.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= ) *--* *--* jnh Jay Leno's Garage http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jaylenogarage.html Jay Leno's Garage 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jaylenogarage2.html --- ...Wowsers! What an awesome Collection! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: .-~-. The Small Box Of Eggs .' '. / \ .-~-. : ; The elderly minister was searching .' '.| | his closet for his collar before / \ : church one Sunday morning. In the : ; .-~""~-,/ back of the closet, he found a | /` `'. small box containing 3 eggs and : | \ 100 $1 bills. He called his wife \ | / into the closet to ask her about `. .' \ .' the box and its contents. jgs `~~~` '-.____.-' Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the minister asked her, "WHY?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The minister felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 17 is Watergate Day and Eat Your Vegetables Day June 18 is International Panic Day June 19 is World Sauntering Day June 20 is Ice Cream Soda Day June 21 is Cuckoo Warning Day More Info on Cuckoo Warning Day June 22 is National Chocolate Eclair Day June 23 is National Pink Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ............. .... .... .. .. .. .. . ___ ___ . . / , \ / , \ . . \___/ \___/ . .. . .. . .. O . . | | . . \ / . . \ / . .. \______________/ .. .. \_____\ \ \/ .. .... | \ |.... ...... | | | Derek S. Tan \___/ >American Idol My wife left me a note saying I should try out for "American Idle." But the joke is on her because she spelled it wr--- hey, wait a minute! -<>- >How Many Children? I was blessed with three beautiful, intelligent and terrific children. When they were seven, six and five, my youngest daughter who was always asking questions, came home from kindergarten one day and asked, "Daddy, how many children did you want?" Thinking for a minute, I looked at her and said, "Two." She thought about this for a moment and then asked, "Me, and who else?" -<>- >Job Requirement The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are ten-thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen." -<>- >New Boyfriend The teenage girl brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. He has a baseball cap on backwards, torn low-rider jeans and numerous tattoos and body piercings. The mother pulls her daughter aside. "Dear, you know your father and I love you and we only want the best for you. This boy, he just doesn't seem very ... nice." "Oh please, Mom! If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing five hundred hours of community service?" -<>- >Workaholic As an attorney in a major law firm, I have many colleagues who work long hours. However, the reputation of one of my partners' workaholic ways even extended beyond the office. He not only had to leave work early one day because of a medical problem, but was also told by his doctor to stay home until the end of the week. My colleague grudgingly agreed to comply. In the middle of the week, our receptionist received a call for him. She announced that the partner was out of the office until Friday. "Good," the caller said. "That's all I wanted to know." It was the partner's doctor. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Annie :) >A Father A father is a fortress Protecting you from the wars of the land He'll save you time and time again. A father is a teacher For you to learn from and to model. He'll give you the strength to navigate life A father is an adviser Always available when you are in need. He'll point you down the firm, solid road. A father is a friend To play with, relish and rejoice in He'll bring smiles on your darkest of days Ninety percent of the things I worry about never happen. So don't tell me worrying doesn't do any good. --- ...TeeHee! Sweet! Thanks Annie ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend LouiseA ;) ___ ,-'" "`-. ,'_ `. / / \ ,- \ __ | \_0 --- | / | | | \ \ `--.______,-/ | ___) \ ,--"" ,/ | / _ \ \-_____,- / \__-/ \ | `. ,' \___/ < ´--------' \__/\ | Wny \__// >miles A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife screams at him as his friend listens in. "My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?” "Because he's thinking of getting married." ------- A man walks into a pub and, with the most sorry look on his face, pleads to the bartender; "Look, my wife has left me, I've been fired, I've just been mugged for all my money, and I'm desperate for a drink. Can you help me out??" "Of course," said the bartender, "The door is behind you. Do you want to be pushed or carried?" ------------ A man owned a small farm in Iowa. The State of Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit that works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every week," replied the farmer. "That's the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit," says the agent." The farmer says, "That would be me." ----------- Went to a strip mall the other day with my friend. Let me tell you, I was disappointed. Everybody else had on clothes. ----------- Medicare in a nutshell The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello." ''Mrs. Sanders, please." ''Speaking." ''Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way, the results are not too good." ''What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV(AIDS). We can't tell which is which." ''That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders. "Normally we can, but Obamacare will only pay for these expensive tests one time." ''Well, what am I supposed to do now?" ''The folks at Obamacare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him." ------- When it was clear that Phil was dying, Joe visited him every day. One day Joe said, "Phil, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there". Phil looked up at Joe from his deathbed and said, "Joe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you". Shortly after that, Phil died. A few nights later, Joe was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Joe, Joe". "Who is it," asked Joe, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Joe -- it's me, Phil". "You're not Phil. Phil just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Phil," insisted the voice. "Phil, where are you?" "In heaven," replied Phil. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," said Joe. "The good news," Phil said with joy and enthusiasm, "is that there is baseball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here too. Even better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always Springtime and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play ball all we want, and we never get tired. And we get to play with all the Greats of the past". "That's fantastic," said Joe. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?" "You're pitching Tuesday." ------- In a trial, a small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was an elderly woman. He approached her and asked, " Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones. Do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt." ------- Mother to sobbing six-year-old: "What's the matter"? "I've just figured out how to tie my shoes." "Well, honey, that's wonderful. You're growing up! But why are you crying?" "Because now I'll have to do it every day for the rest of my life." ------------ While I was driving along a remote country road I saw a sign that said, "Watch for Fallen Rocks". A few miles down the road I spotted some small rocks. I picked a few up and put them in my car. When I reached the next town, I found the highway maintenance office. I placed them on the counter and said to the clerk, "Here are your fallen rocks. Now where's my watch?" ------------ A man called the phone company to complain about his listing in the directory. "I told you that my last name is Sweady," he said, "but you have it listed as Cyirwu." "I'm sorry, sir. I'll fix it so it'll be correct the next time we publish the directory. Now how do you spell your name?" "Just like I told you before, it's S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u and Y as in you." ------- During a flash flood in a small town, a young backpacker was perched on top of a house with a local boy. As they sat watching articles float by in the water, they noticed an old hat go past. Suddenly, the hat turned and came back, then turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, again it turned and came back. They watched as it did this a number of times. "Do you see that hat?" said the girl in amazement. "First it goes downstream, then turns around and comes back, then it goes back downstream and then it comes back again." "Oh, that's nothing, it's only my dad," replied the boy. "This morning Mom said that come hell or high water, he had to mow the lawn today." --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- __________ |DAILY NEWS| |&&& ======| |=== ======| |=== == %%$| |[_] ======| |=== ===!##| ejm97 |__________| >ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers ... ...OH My! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _,--._ ,' `. |\ / ,-. ,-. \ /| )o),/ ( ( o )( o ) ) \.(o( /o/// /| `-' `-' |\ \\\o\ / / |\ \( . , )/ /| \ \ | | \o`-/ `\/' \-'o/ | | \ \ `,' `.' / / \. \ `-' ,'| /\ |`. `-' / ,/ \`. `.__,' / / \ \ `.__,' ,'/ \o\ ,' ,' `. `. /o/ \o`---' ,' `. `---'o/ `.____,' -shimrod `.____,' >The Ocean – ALL you Need to Know!! Children Writing About the Ocean…. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6) My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7) Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails. (Helen, age 6) I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7) If you didn't smile at one of these, you need to find a better sense of humor. --- ...LOL! Rich! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From Fox News: Supreme Court: Arizona law requiring citizenship proof for voters is illegal http://tinyurl.com/ldq9ryv Paradoxical Quote of the Day from Ben Stein: "Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured. . . but not everyone must prove they are a citizen." Now add this, "Many of those who refuse, or are unable, to prove they are citizens will receive free insurance paid for by those who are forced to buy insurance because they are citizens." -<>- I am thankful that God has been exposing all these crony and corrupt Government actions here lately... Benghazi 'cover-up to protect Hillary' Attorney claims Clinton ordered Stevens to Libya facility http://www.wnd.com/2013/05/benghazi-cover-up-to-protect-hillary/ IRS Scandal: Misfired 2010 Cincinnati Email Alerted Washington Officials To Tea Party Targeting http://tinyurl.com/mw2tddh NSA spying scandal: what we have learned Key players and programmes in the National Security Agency's secret operation mining phone and internet data http://tinyurl.com/po5p9eq Please Keep it in your prayers that God continues to foil all thoughts, plans, and actions of evil, terrorists, and crony corrupt government in the US, Canada, England and the rest of the free world through Christ Jesus our Lord. -<>- >From BizarreNews: Now this sounds like the end of a fun date. Authorities say a Wichita, Kansas woman stripped nude in a police car and kicked out of a window. It happened Friday night when police responded to report that a 35-year-old was exposing herself to residents at an apartment complex. A police spokesperson said the woman was partially clothed when officers arrived. She was arrested, handcuffed and placed in the back seat of a patrol car. She then somehow managed to take the rest of her clothes off, because at that point why not? She then kicked out a side rear window. The woman was arrested on suspicion of public nudity and criminal damage to property. Police said there is "no indication" whether the woman was under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Other than all of the public nudity, of course. *-- Police: Mac-and-cheese, spilled beer led to stabbing --* DELTONA, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said they arrested a man accused of stabbing his brother during an argument about macaroni-and-cheese and beer. The Volusia County Sheriff's Office said a witness told deputies Randy Zipperer, 49, became upset Tuesday at his Deltona home when he was unable to find his macaroni-and-cheese, so his 47-year-old brother helped him search for the food, WKMG-TV, Orlando, reported Thursday. Zipperer's beer was accidentally knocked over by his brother during the search, leading the two men to argue, deputies said. Zipperer allegedly stabbed his brother in the stomach with a kitchen knife during the argument, causing a small puncture wound. Zipperer was arrested and charged with aggravated battery and obstructing an officer without violence. *-- Police: Man held baby while selling heroin --* CENTRAL ISLIP, N.Y. - Authorities in New York state said a man was holding his 8-month-old daughter when he was arrested for allegedly selling heroin. Suffolk County police said officers conducting surveillance saw Tyreek Langs, 23, carrying the baby in his arms Thursday in Central Islip when he approached another person and allegedly sold heroin, WCBS-AM, New York, reported Friday. "The child was content, the child is being held by the father and he's approaching the buyer to complete the narcotics transaction with the child in his arms," Suffolk County police Lt. James Rooney said. "To him, it looked like the usual course of business, the way the officers observed him." Langs had a quantity of heroin on him when he was arrested, police said. The baby was released into the custody of her great-grandmother. Child protective services were notified of the incident, police said. *-- Woman hasn't eaten since May 3, plans to go on --* SEATTLE - A woman living in the Seattle area who is seeking to prove humans can live without food set up cameras around her home to prove she isn't eating. Naveena Shine, 65, an England native, said she has been subsisting since May 3 on a strict diet of water and tea with just a small amount of milk, KOMO-TV, Seattle, reported Monday. "Well, the intention of what I'm doing is I want to provide evidence that it is possible, should it be possible, that human beings can live and thrive and do really well without having to eat solid food," Shine said. "This will literally save the Earth." Shine said the cameras she set up in every room of her home record her actions 24 hours a day to prove she has not been eating and she takes a portable camera when she goes out. "There's got to be a point that's a shift-over point, you either go into starvation and death or you go into finding the place within and without that creates living on light," Shine said. Dr. Rich Lindquist of Swedish Hospital said Shine may be able to make it up to three months on tea and water alone. "People can live for extended periods of time, but people need food in order to live," he said. "Long term, over time, if you don't eat, you die." Shine said she will stop her experiment if she starts to believe her health is in danger. *-- Man arrested with 14 lions, other animals at home --* BANGKOK - Police in Thailand said they arrested a man who allegedly kept 14 African lions, as well as a number of monkeys, reptiles and birds on a property in Bangkok. The large collection of animals, which included the lions, 23 meerkats, 17 marmoset monkeys, 12 peacocks and various types of turtles and birds, were seized from the house in Bangkok's Min Buri district on Monday, the Bangkok Post reported. A raid on the property was conducted by police and officials of the Natural Resources and Environment Ministry. Montri Boonphonon, 41, the owner of the residence, was arrested at the scene and charged with illegal possession of and trade in protected wildlife, said Police Col. Sarawut Jitrabeab. Montri had been arrested on similar charges in the past, Sarawut said. Police said Montri alleged that he had paperwork showing he had legally purchased all of the animals. "We will wait for the owner to submit all the proper documents related to the animals," said Navee Changpirom, an official of the National Parks, Wildlife and Plant Conversation Department specializing in the illegal wildlife trade. "The owner must take care of them and prove they were legally imported." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) [An Et-Ethem!) __ __ __\_\___ ___/_/__ /_______ \___ ___/\_______\ \_\ \/__/\_____/\__\/ /_/ \/_____\/ __ \o | o/_____ ________________/\_\ \ | /_______\_______________\/ \_/ / b'ger | /\ _ | / /\_________/ |__| / / / / /_/ /_/ \ \ \ \ \ \ \_\ \_\ /_/ /_/ |_| >The Note Yesterday a note came from Bush to Obama, the President was somewhat troubled because it was written in code and all it said was: 370H-SSV-0773H This troubled him as he had always heard from his peers how former president Bush was perceived to have been scholarly challenged. So he took the note to his wife. She was unable to decipher it. They called in the VP, and he was unable to decode the message. They called in the chief of staff and the head of Secret Service detail, and they were unable to determine the meaning of the note. Next he called in the head of the Senate and Speaker of the House. They both were mystified by the meaning of the coded message. Now there was complete panic in the oval office. They called all of their contacts in the media and sent copies of the note to all of them, and not one was able to come up with an answer A special emergency meeting was called by the staff. All branches of the military, counter intelligence, CIA, FBI were called in, and the best minds were unable crack the code. After a sleepless night, a now humbled President picked up the phone and called the former president, and asked him the meaning of the note. Bush chuckled and replied: 'Dude ... You're holding it upside down!' --- ...LMAO! Rich! Thanks KarenF! -<>- A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read . 'So the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?' The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?' One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the man would have said - 'Holy crap!!! A talking pig!' The teacher had to leave the room. -<>- >Aunt Minnie The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie was left. 'Ernie, do you have a story to share?' 'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Minnie. She was a pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and hurt her when she landed. And then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, and then she killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she beat the last one to death with the empty whisky bottle.' 'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?' 'Stay the heck away from Aunt Minnie when she's been drinking.' -<>- __,...__ _,-'::::::::`-. ,'::,----._::::::`. ,'::,' /\,-. \:::::::`. /::::| ; | |:::::::::`. |:::::`._ \ |:::::::::::\ __\,:--''--`_--':::::::::::::\ `'--::__:::::::`-:_:::::::::::::\ /--.`'--:_:::::`-::::::::::::\ /,-_.' _`-:_::::`:::::::::::\ / /o\| ,-_`-.`--:::`::::::::::) || \_/| / /o\\ `:,'''-:' (#__`-_/ | \_/| /##| ,-.\ ,'' `-. `.__/ ,'###| / || / \ , (##### / || | |___,-##\ /##/ \__,'/ \ /########) |#,'|__..-' `-..__..-'######) / \`.###'`""' / \\\__// ,' \`--' _,-' jrei `-..___..--'' >12-Step Internet Recovery Program (For those spending too much time on their computer.) 1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet. 2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 3. I will get dressed before noon. 4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet. 5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived. 6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet. 7. I will read a book... if I still remember how. 8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet. 9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email. 10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not. 11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet. 12. Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Internet will always be there tomorrow! Forgit it! I gotta have my computer! --- ...LOL! Thanks KarenF! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .--------.--------------------------------------------------. | ` __)__________________________________________ | | ) |.-------------------------------------------.| | |,`._,-|| o || | | || ___ __ _ __ _ __ ____ __ _ || | | || (( `| || |\ /|| ,'-`| || |'||`| \\ / ||,'`. | | || .`. || |\\/ || (( || || || || `'| | || |._)) || | ` || `._,| || || || ||`--'`-| |,. || __________________ __________________ || | | \`._,|| | START NEW CITY | | LOAD A CITY | || _,-| |.__`\_|| '------------------' '------------------' ||,-' ,'| |::::::|| __________________ || ,' ;| |::::::|| | SELECT SCENARIO | ||-._,._| |:::::_|| '------------------' ||::::::| |:,-'' ||_____________________o_____________________||::::::| | ,`-------,----------.-------.------------------'::::::| | , ,':::::::::::| |::::::::::::::::::::::SSt| '-'---------'-------------'-------'-------------------------' My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks. However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything in its place on your ship," he asked with his usual bluntness, "but your house is such a mess?" "Because my house," Michelle said, "does not take 30-degree rolls." -<>- A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator. Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, "I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator." To which the lady replies "Good Heavens, no! Don't shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son's picture on his back." -<>- One cold night my furnace died, so I went to my parents' house. In the morning, a neighbor called to tell me that my water pipes had burst and flooded my town house and hers. I raced homeand on the way got a speeding ticket. Then the furnace repairman arrived and told me he didn't think he had the proper fuse but would check in his truck. Meanwhile, the plumber cut holes in my bathroom wall to locate the leak. When the furnace repairman returned, he held aloft a fuse. "I had the right one after all," he said triumphantly. "This must be your lucky day." -<>- Hygiene is in the eye of the beholder, I have decided. One lunchtime I watched the woman in the sandwich shop spreading mayonnaise on my bread, and noticed part of her grubby work shirt was dragging across it. "Excuse me," I ventured, "your sleeve is in the mayo." "No problem," she reassured me. "I need to wash it anyway." -<>- A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the test." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in your- selves," he said. "You all get 'A's." -<>- While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough." ========================================================= >-->From The Mouth: _____ _..--'' ``--.._ | | | | | | | | | .-. | | .'\ | | /`, | | `.\ : ; /,' | | ___`' v `'___ | | .' `. .' `. | | | | | | | | | | | | | | `.___,',^.`.___,' | | / \ | | `---' | | _____________ | | / | | | \ | | :-|----|----|-: | | \_|____|____|_/ | | | `-..._ _...-' `-------' SSt Qué es esto? >Things it takes most of us 50 years to learn: 1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time. 3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 4. The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip. 5. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers. 6. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11. 7. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 8. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 9. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 10. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 11. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too. 12. You should not confuse your career with your life. 13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person. 14. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 15. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 16. Your true friends love you, anyway. 17. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. -<>- | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` >SIGNS YOU'VE CHOSEN A "NO FRILLS" AIRLINE They don't sell tickets, they sell chances. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot. You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change. Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once." No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes. You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel. -<>- .---. |#__| =;===;= / - - \ ( _'.'_ ) .-`-'^'-`-. | `>o<' | / : \ / /\ : /\ \ .-'-/ / .-. \ \-'-. |_/ /-' '-\ \_| /| | |\ (_| /^\ |_) | | | | jgs | | | | '==='= ='===' >SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE 1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" 2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant. 3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. 4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln. 5. Long distance companies don't call you to switch. 6. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes. 7. Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul. 8. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change. 9. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. 10. Your bologna has no first name. 11. You give blood everyday...just for the orange juice. 12. Sally Struthers sends you food. 13. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments. 14. At communion you go back for seconds. ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) World Of Peacocks http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/peacock.html Tale Of Two Swallows http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html Sweet Little Pad http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/homepad.html Amazing Bike Car http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bikecar.html Rock Balancing Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rockbalancingart.html Truth About Work http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/work.html Let's Dance http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html Shangy's Dance Page http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/sdp.html Rose Petals http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/rose.html Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html Strange Hotels http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotel.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Can you Levitate? https://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=A6XUVjK9W4o -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Video by Scott McKinley Productions, Produced for Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation for Ad campaign. Licensed music by Kenny G.. This short video won Grand Prize - Best of Show at International Wildlife Film Festival in Missoula Montana ! The majority was shot on location in Yellowstone National Park , Grand Teton National Park and The National Elk Refuge in Jackson Hole , Wyoming . Incredible Video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUOQ_yPW_0s&feature=player_embedded --- ...Beautiful! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Italian Grocery Store in London http://biggeekdad.com/2013/05/grocery-store-opera/ --- ...Oh Yeah! Gives goosebumps! Love it! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friends Melody And Geniann :) Newseum | Today's Front Pages | Map View http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/flash/ --- ...Great Link! Thanks Ladies! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Who wants to be a Millionaire Flash online free games http://www.y8.com/games/Who_wants_to_be_a_Millionaire Cajun Commandments http://www.mamarocks.com/cajun_commandments.htm LISTEN TO YOUR HEART ~ Mike Rowland, Film by Ruedi & Priska Abbühl http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=SkY03n0_sD8&vq=medium --- ...Good Ones! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction - making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you." -Jimmy Fallon "Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their text- books. Let me save you some time. They're not." -Jimmy Kimmel "A long list of celebrities and musicians have signed a letter to President Obama asking him to ease the nation's drug enforcement policy. Hollywood celebrities and musicians want the president to ease our drug laws - it's always the people you least expect." -Jay Leno "According to a new study, as much as 81 percent of people lie on online dating websites. Researchers said they were surprised by how many people actually hate long walks on the beach at sunset." -Jay Leno "Opening this weekend is 'Man of Steel.' The whole movie, if you go to see it - this is a spoiler alert - is Superman complaining about having to fly friends to the airport." -David Letterman "NBC has canceled its reality dating show 'Ready for Love' after three episodes. Viewers complained the show was com- plicated and confusing - marking the first time a dating show has been canceled for being exactly like dating." -Jimmy Fallon "There's got to be something wrong with people who go to Star Trek conventions. I mean, I like Mary Tyler Moore, too, but I don't rent out a big hall and dress up like Rhoda." --Andy Kindler "I'm a grown woman but my father still thinks I know nothing about my car. He always asks me, 'You changing the oil every 3,000 miles?' 'Yes, Dad. I'm also putting sugar in the gas tank. That way my exhaust smells like cotton candy.'" --Mimi Gonzalez "My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film." --Cynthia Levin >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************