Silent Treatment And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo .'''. ' ' '. .' '.' ' ' ' /")\ / /\ \ / ()""() ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ |=( . .) | '(o)| /______| | | _ / ____ \ _ ( ) / \ ( ) |_|/ \|_| tre *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) .--, .-. __,,,__/ | / \-'` `-./_ | | `) \ ` `\ ; / , , | | / : O /_ | O .--;__ '. | ( )`. | \ `-` / | \ ,_ _.-./` / \ \``-.( / | `---' /--. ,--\___..__ _.' /--. jgs \ `-._ _`/ ' '. .' ` ' . `` ' . We've Been Hit By A SUPER BIG BALL OF CUTENESS From our friend Linda! She is tipping our cuteness scale with these three hot new pages for us! This first one is so cute it will have you saying 'awww' all the way through it! So grab your heartstrings on this one and check out... __ w c(..)o ( \__(-) __) /\ ( /(_)___) w /| | \ ejm97 m m Finger Monkeys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monkey.html This next one is like the one above only it is full of all kinds of heart emotions! Baby Koala twins are rescued in this heart felt cutesy one! __ __ /" "\ /" "\ ( (\ )___( /) ) \ / / \ / () ___ () \ | ( ) | \ \_/ / \...__!__.../ " mh Koala Twins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalatwins.html This last hot tottie It is so adorable, it will make you want to share it with all the people you want to be saying 'awww'! Check it out here... .-. .-. | \/ | /, ,_ `'-. .-|\ /`\ '. .' 0/ | 0\ \_ `". .-' _,/ '--'.'|#''---' `--' | / \# | / \# \ ;|\ .\# |' ' // \ ::\# \ /` \ ':\# `"` \.. \# \::. \# \:: \# \' .:\# \ :::\# \ '::\# jgs \ \# \ Margaret The Giraffe! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giraffe.html --- ...Way over the cutie top! Love them! Thanks Linda!! -<>- *~* We've Had A Tremendous Month Of Caring And Sharing! ,-----. / \--. | / \ `. \-+-',___/ \ \ \ \ ,--\/"""\"". `._ / \ \ \ _ `| ( \ o\o|.,--. `-' \ \`-;---'-'( #) `._ \ |\ `--/ \. \ ||,`. / \`..--.._ ||/ `===='. \/ _`.__|| .-. \ \ | / \ |'| `. ! | \ \_/ \_.') \ ! | ,"". . _/ \ / / ;`--'\ \ \ `-' | |`-< \ \ \ | |\ \,---. \ \ \,---. | |,---. `.\ \,---. `. > `. | | \ `.| ( | |-'-' ( | |' `-------'-' `-----'-' hjw Be Sure To Visit And Pass These On To Your Friends And Family: 90/10 Principle! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giving.html Baby Thoughts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html Jesus Clinic! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html Look Who's Talking 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking5.html Mystery Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mart.html Attitude Is Everything 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude5.html Deer Hunter Story! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerhunter.html In Days Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html Men Will Be Boys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html Luxury Golf Carts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfcarts.html MacGyver - How To Do It 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html At The Car Wash! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carwash.html Margaret The Giraffe! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giraffe.html *~* SPECIAL THANKS AND HUGS TO ALL OUR ANGELS AND CONTRIBUTORS! --- You Are A Big Part Of The Light In Our Lives --- ================================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Cookbook _ ______ | | | Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, | | COOK | / their conversation drifted from politics | | BOOK | .----/. to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," | | | |`-...-`| said one, "but I could never do anything |_|______| \ / with it." '---' "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way: 'Take a clean dish'". ====================================================================== +------------ More Bizarre April Holidays -----------+ April 11 is Eight-Track Tape Day April 12 is Look Up At The Sky Day April 13 is Blame Somebody Else Day April 14 is National Pecan Day April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day April 16 is National Stress Awareness Day and National Eggs Benedict Day April 17 is National Cheeseball Day April 18 is International Jugglers Day April 19 is Garlic Day April 20 is Look Alike Day ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Linda :) >A Boy, A Man, And A Donkey: An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.' So they then decided they'd both walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... \ /\/\ / / / _/,/ / _/` (/"/////, ( '```--.___ /' _), ,- '-. /, / \ (\ \, \_()/ \) )' =_ )) | | | .// _/) ( ( \_ // / \ >_,\ (/)= / | | | \ #\| / |=| |=|\ ( ( (=> ( >( >),) | | |=| \ ( ( / / / / ) |/ \ /_( /_( , || )/.,_ ). /\\_(\,/, //- / /_(_( / ,\. b'ger .- '-'-'-,)\/.')) Kiss your Ass goodbye! --- ...LOL Thanks Linda! So True! Just please God - He's the only one that matters in the long run any way! ========================================================== >-->From Laugh&Lift: __ __ ( _) ( _) / / \\ / /\_\_ / / \\ / / | \ \ / / \\ / / |\ \ \ / / , \ , / / /| \ \ / / |\_ /| / / / \ \_\ / / |\/ _ '_|\ / / / \ \\ | / |/ 0 \0\ \ / | | \ \\ | |\| \_\_ / / | \ \\ | | |/ \.\ o\o) / \ | \\ \ | /\\`v-v / | | \\ | \/ /_| \\_| / | | \ \\ | | /__/_ / _____ | | \ \\ \| [__] \_/ |_________ \ | \ () / [___] ( \ \ |\ | | // | [___] |\| \| / |/ /| [____] \ |/\ / / || snd ( \ [____ / ) _\ \ \ \| | || \ \ [_____| / / __/ \ / / // | \ [_____/ / / \ | \/ // | / '----| /=\____ _/ | / // __ / / | / ___/ _/\ \ | || (/-(/-\) / \ (/\/\)/ | / | / (/\/\) / / // _________/ / / \____________/ ( >ALL IS VANITY (By list member Anita Evridge) What do you long for? What do you see? New set of golf clubs? Big screen TV? Perhaps that new auto Waxed and polished to shine Perhaps long vacations, Perhaps vintage wine, Perhaps gold and silver, Perhaps stock and trade, Whatever the treasure, There's more to be said. What do you chase after? What's your desire? Tight-fisted handshakes And deals to conspire Long-winded lunches And phone-calls galore Never enough, We always want more. Our schedules are crunching, While we're power-lunching, After we sail Through notes and voice-mail In between the beeping And the meetings we're keeping, The parties, the closings, The finagling and scheming, The planning, preparing, Projecting and dreaming. These things are important For success, tis true, But there is one important Question to pursue: When does enough become enough? One day, we are spying, The object we're eyeing, The next day we're buying After it sits around for a while, It ends up in the garage sale pile, To be sought after again By those hunting bargains. We then take the money To buy other stuff. When does enough become enough? One eye on the prize, The other on the Joneses prize, When will we realize, That these are merely lies, One man's junk, Another man's treasure, One man's work, Another man's pleasure. When does enough become enough? From dust did we come, To dust we return, And between the seeking and finding We learn That life becomes more Than worldly pursuit That objects are objects, But life is the root, That we weary ourselves to this aimless end, And there is no way To start over again And we finally come to this grim reality, That all this is vanity. There is nothing better for a man Than to enjoy the works of his hands, And to eat and drink in harmony In peace and in prosperity, With little trouble or strife, For this is God's gift in life. Those who possess it are blessed indeed, For contentment in soul, And fulfillment of need, For a man who is happy with his lot, Enjoys much and toils not. So remember the Creator in the days When we are young, And He will be our hope For this life under the sun, And when we rise to greet His embrace, Perhaps we will have a smile on our face, And not worry about the things we leave behind Like our golf clubs, Our Big Screen TVs, And new car polished to shine. All is vanity, this is reality. The thing we should pursue Is eternity. -<>- The Laugh () () ||____...---~~~---...___|| || %%%%% || Zzzz! %%%()% ___ ._._ || / %%%%\\-. |\ /_0_\\ ||...)))))___.........%%%%%()\\~~\~~~ \ |\ //- >-\_ \ //\ \ \// |""""""""| | \ \ _O_// / \\ \ \_/ ,.| JRO| \ \ / / \\/ \/ \ \ \/ /\' ' \ '(__\____/\ \_ \ \ \ \ \ _..-------\'--~ \ \_\.\.-~~-..--~~~~ \ \.- >The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awoke him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." -<>- >Quick Jokes The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. Their line had included senators, pastors, and Wall Street wizards. Now they decided to compile a family history, a legacy for the children. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose: how to handle that great-uncle who was executed in the electric chair. The author said not to worry, that he could handle that section of history tactfully. When the book appeared, the family turned to the section on Uncle George. There they read, "George Smith occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution and was attached to his position by the strongest of ties. His death came as a real shock." -------- _ |\___/| \\ ) ( |\_/| || =\ /= )a a `,_.-""""-. // )===( =\Y_= / \// / \ `"`\ / / | | | \ | / / \ \ /- \ \ \ / || | // /` jgs_/\_/\_/\_ _/_/\_/\_/\_((_|\((_//\_/\_/\_/\_ A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred..."I'll die for you!" The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?". -------- According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds, has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from a camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you, it was horrible." The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service. -<>- __ .' `'. / _ | #_/.\==/.\ (, \_/ \\_/ | -' | \ '= / /`-.__.' .-'`-.___|__ jgs / \ `. I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually- impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it very difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!" -------- A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Preacher," said the young man, "I'm sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." --------- ,~. ,-'__ `-, {,-' `. } ,') ,( a ) `-.__ ,',')~, <=.) ( `-.__,==' ' ' '} ( ) / `-'\ , ) | \ `~. / \ `._ \ / \ `._____,' / `-. ,' `-. ,-' `~~~~' //_|| __//--'/` hjw ,--'/` ' ' Stopping at a restaurant advertising a "Unique Breakfast," a man asked the waitress what this was, and was told, "Baked chicken tongue." "That's disgusting!" the man said. "I'd never eat something that came out of a chicken's mouth." "What would you like then?" the waitress asked. "Oh, just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied. SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com =================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Emergency Email: CYBERALERT A nationwide breach of email databases is unfolding and affecting banks and many large corporations that collect email from customers. CyberAlert: Email and Personal Information Security Breach http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=1012&z=29 -<>- [POLITICS] >From Vision To America News: TEA Party Nation Calls to Dump Boehner as Speaker and Congressman http://tinyurl.com/3gldlz6 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Typically, I shy away from stories involving death. It is improper, impolite, disrespectful and just plain creepy. But then there are stories like this... It seems a 19-year-old man plunged to his death after he crashed through a window at an arena during a concert in Pittsburgh, police said. Tragic. I know what you're thinking; the arena was so packed that the young man was helplessly squashed against the window until the pressure shattered the glass and he fell to his death. Or maybe he leaned or pressed against it casually and a cracked pane or shoddy installation made the window pop out, precipitating him 30 feet to the pavement below. Nope. Reports say the man, Joseph K., got down in a football stance, yelled "hike," and then charged the inch-thick double-paned safety window. He plunged to "a sloped hillside bordering a cement walkway," according to the local paper. Police Lt. Daniel Herrmann said Joseph K. was reportedly, "a little out of it." However toxicology reports are pending. Well, when you are "a little out of it" and your friends are egging you on, a person tends to do stupid things, like the teenager from a few weeks ago who leapt off the Golden Gate Bridge after his friends dared him. Maybe if Joseph K. had been at the concert with his friends he might still be alive, but that night he was there with his father who, according to the story, survived the evening. -- 3 daughters, 3 births, 3 days --- ST. CLOUD, Minn. - St. Cloud, Minn., grandparents Mike and Joan Benda welcomed three new granddaughters within three days of each other this month, family members said. Their oldest daughter, Katie Larson, 30, gave birth to MaKenna March 14 in Minneapolis where she lives with husband Andrew and daughter Alexa, 1. Taylor Orth was born March 15 to their middle daughter Michele Orth, 29, in Otsego, Minn., where she lives with husband, Jesse, and son Cameron, 2. Melissa Valen, 29, Michele's identical twin, gave birth to Lyla March 16. They live in Albert-ville, Minn., with husband Andrew and two children Faith, 7, and Jakob, 2. The excitement of the triple births started to build as each daughter announced due dates days apart and then said all the babies would be girls. Coincidences multiplied as the granddaughters arrived in their mothers' birth order. The granddaughters even fall in order for height and weight. "This is a wild family," Faith Valen told the St. Cloud Times as she watched her toddler cousins playing and the new arrivals being rocked to sleep in the arms of her grandparents. -- Georgia house infested with 20,000 bats --- TIFTON, Ga. - An empty home in Georgia is infested with as many as 20,000 bats and officials say they've declared it unfit for human habitation until the bats are cleared. "The interior and exterior walls are just full of guano," Melissa Skidmore of Tru Tech, an animal removal service, said of the home in Tifton, Ga. "Some of it is old and has turned to dust and it is just a cocktail of pathogens. People going in will need proper equipment to cover their skin, clothes and noses. We are talking about between 10,000 and 20,000 bats," Skidmore told The Tifton Gazette Monday. The infestation of Mexican free-tailed bats was one of the worse she had ever seen, she said. A local code enforcement officer said he had no choice but to post the declaration when he saw several live bats upstairs and spotted several dead bats on the bottom floor of the house. Local real estate agent Julie Smith said the house is in foreclosure with an agency that has a buyer interested in purchasing the house. "The goal is for everyone to work together so that a family can live here safely," Smith said. --- ...I think I'd choose another home. -<>- >From Archive CoffeeBreak: Specter deer inhabit Wisconsin woods Pale white deer are becoming a local source of pride and curiosity in rural northern Wisconsin. Biologists note an active population of the rare deer has existed in the area since at least the 1950s, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports. Brian Kirkpatrick, professor of genetics at the University of Wisconsin, said the deer are not albinos, as they have pale blue eyes, in contrast to the pink eyes of true albinos. Wildlife photographers flocked to the area recently to take advantage of the increased sightings. Jeff Richter, a wildlife photographer and co-author of the book "White Deer: Ghosts of the Forest," told the Sentinel "these white deer really get a hook into people." Jeffery Phelps, a photographer for the Sentinel, took his son to experience the rare deer, telling him he may never have another experience like this in his life. "It's like a white flash," Phelps said of spotting the deer. Foreigners attracted to goat man Visitors are flocking to an Indiana farm where they can slaughter their own goats. The farm, where the motto is "You Buy -- You Kill -- You Dress -- You Take Home," was founded in 1999, about 20 miles from Indianapolis by 80-year-old Tom Prince, who developed a taste for goat meat during the Depression, The Indianapolis Star reported Sunday. Since then, it has attracted customers -- who know Prince as "goat man" -- from countries such as Eritrea, Pakistan and Mexico where goat meat is a dietary staple. Visitors to the farm are attracted by the chance to slaughter meat according to their cultural and religious traditions -- and the low price of the fresh meat does not hurt either, the newspaper said. It is not uncommon, Prince said, for fathers to bring their sons and teach them how to slaughter the animals. Prince sells about 50 goats each weekend, the newspaper said, but about twice as many before religious holidays. Life's a beach for dogs, seniors Elderly pets and elderly citizens joined forces in Monroe, Wash., to enjoy the last warm days before winter as part of a dog rescue shelter's adoption effort. Pasado's Safe Haven animal shelter is teaming retirees with older dogs abandoned by their owners. Groups of volunteers take the elderly dogs to weekly trips to the beach, which was just right for the tired bodies of all involved. "It's giving their life back," Pasado's founder Susan Michaels told The Seattle Times. John Wagner, a Boeing retiree, fosters a deaf and blind cocker spaniel, a Labrador whose previous owners had severed her vocal chords, and five other elderly canines. "We're a pack," Warner said, covered with sand from a day at the beach. Pasado's Safe Haven fosters many of the dogs at its American Association for Retired Fidos and Felines, or AARFF. "They still have a lot of life left," Warner said of his favorite beach buddies. ================================================================= >-->From TheMouthPiece: ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc ------------------ Murphy's Laws of Work ------------------- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. [From getamused.com] -<>- . . ` > < . > < ' ' ' . . > < , > < . ' ' . . __.--._ > < . .' L `.--._ ' > < `/ c '` \ `. ' : ; `. ` , | ; \ /`. | ' / \ . ' / -.\ \ ^ ;/ _ \ > < : \`.:/ \| `.| ; ' | :'' ' ; | | |`. _/_ ; [bug] : : `-._____/ `. / \ | :/ , V\ /"\ __.--; _ : `./ / ; ; : |\_/ | \L _..--. `.L.' |`. __ | | ;`. ; _ \\' `. /`+'.'`. | | | | \CT_; `-. ' / / | |-_| | .-'`.___. `-. / / ; : ; :.-' `-./ /. / \/_/ _ \/ `./ " -------------- Thought Provoking Statements --------------- * I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. * How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? * I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a butthead from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! * Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. * There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. * Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. * Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ____ /(( )) ( )6 6( ) (_) l (_) \ <> ) ____) (_____ ( \____/ ) ) ( )( ) ( / / \ / \ \ / / \ / \ \ \ \ )==( / / \ \ / \ / / '\\/ \//' A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb. "Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks. The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner. "Now what?" -<>- _"_ % (< ? ` " __||___ |\___//_\ (' | ') \\ __|\ , / |/ /: / \ :: \| ######o /| ######## \) ######## \ : / \: / -- %%% %% % /:\ |/|, b'ger Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it." So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes." -<>- A lawyer walks into his client's death row cell and says, "I've got good news, and bad news for you.. " The prisoner says. " Okay. What's the bad news? " "The bad news is that the Governor won't issue a stay of your execution...you go to the chair at 7 PM tonight." "Oh, that's horrible. What possibly could be the good news?" "The good news is that I got your voltage reduced!" -<>- George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son. The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies: "Euro." The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency. Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank." -<>- _ /\,_/\| /==_ ( (Y_.) / /// U ) (__,_____) ) )' > `/ |._ _____ | | | ( \| ( | | | || | ,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_ b'ger . ,-/,_ Police officers in Brockton, Mass received a call regarding an injured animal lying on a street corner. When they arrived at the scene they found a dog that had been hit by a car. But according to the local newspaper, the police report stated that the dog was okay and "refused medical treatment." [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- ". ,# \ `-._____,-'=/ ____`._ ----- _,'_____PhS `-----' You know how in first grade they used fruits to explain stuff like "one banana plus two bananas make three bananas"? Here's a list of high school math courses based on bananas: ----- Algebra I - A You have a negative banana (possibly made of antimatter). Add two bananas to it and you get one banana. Algebra I - B You have a banana. Factor it, or solve for apples using the quadratic formula. Geometry Prove : Bananas are not vegetables. Given : Bananas are fruits. Algebra II You have an imaginary banana. Square it, and you get one of those weird anti-matter bananas. The student learns that their dreams will become reality if they only raise them to the fourth power. Pre-Calculus What is the cosecant of Pi over 2 bananas in a unit apple? Calculus AB The student learns to find the slope of a banana. Calculus BC The student learns to find the slope of a banana and also to find the area under the banana. ============================================================ >-->From SermondFodder: |><|~|><| /(((9)))\ //) -_- (\\ (((( ._. )))) ))))---(((( ((((`---')))) (___|xXxXx|___) \ | | / / ^ ^ ^ \ / \ (_._._._._._) \ | / ( | ) | | | hjw |-|-| /`-^-'\ (__,^.__) >Dressed for Church Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin town were disturbed because a widowed church member and her three small daughters were staying away from services. A member of the ladies group carefully approached the widow to find out what was going on. During a conversation she politely asked about their absense from Sunday services. It seems the woman and her daughters were staying away from services because they had a lack of suitable clothes. The Methodist ladies group quickly corrected the situation by generously providing new clothes for the entire family. When the little girls and their mother still failed to appear at Sunday School the next weekend, another of the Methodist women called to inquire about their absence. The mother sweetly offered thanks to the Methodist Women for the wonderful new clothing and explained: "The girls looked so nice in their new clothes, I took them to the Presbyterian church!" === This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com or drop an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. === >Free PowerPoint Backgrounds for Worship Heartlight Powerpoint Backgrounds are free for use in church projection systems. Use them as communion meditations, song lyric backgrounds, sermon backgrounds and more! Each one was developed specifically for use in a worship projection setting. All images are 800x600, however we display them at a smaller size to accomodate most web browsers. Enjoy, and tell a friend! http://www.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/powerpoint.cgi ================================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: _______/_____ D'-. | / ) '(o)'-.....'(O)' ind >IF MY BODY WERE A CAR... If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh.... Either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires. -<>- .-. , `._ , \ \ o \ `-,. .'o . `.[] o <~- - , ,[].'.[] ~> ___ : : (-~.) ` ' `|' ` ' | `-. .-' | -----{. _ _ .}------------------- >As Dry As They Come My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton. I had a tragic childhood. My parents never understood me. They were Japanese. I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to. If it weren't for marriage, husband and wives would have to fight with strangers. After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my shorts for a month. Kippers- fish that like a lot of sleep. The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder. It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed. I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section. Get into yourself to get yourself out of your self. Then try to lose yourself. I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns. We've got stained glass windows in our house. It's those damned pigeons. You know what they say about stamp collecting. Philately will get you nowhere. -<>- .-. (/^\) (\ /) .-'-. /(_I_)\ \\) (// / \ \ | / \|/ /|\ \|/ jgs /Y\ >Tips for the ladies in year 2011 1. Aspire to be Barbie - the b-otch has everything. 2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour. 3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila. 4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls! 5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days). 6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. 7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality. 8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here... 9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. 10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing, and makes you walk funny. 11. When life gives you lemons - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka. 12. Remember every good looking, sweet, single male is someone else's ex-boyfriend (or ex husband or he's gay!!)! -<>- _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| / ( > | ( ) ._ / ) _/-.__.'`\ ( .-'`-. \__ ) `/ `-./ `. | \ \ \ jgs | \ \ \ \ |\ `. / / \ Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? Little Johnny: Big hands! -<>- >The Pager One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people. The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by "Lucille." He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him. "She never leaves a number, so I can't call her back," he said. After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number. "She leaves her name," was the reply. After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on. "How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked. "L-O-W C-E-L-L" ============================================================== >-->From HeartsAndHumor: ____ / \ /______\ || || /~~~~~~\ || /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ /~ ( )( ) ~\ || /~ ( )( )( )( )( ) ~\ (_)======(_) || (_)===============(_) |________| _||_ |_________________| Keely 02/94 >I'm not Going to Miss this Sofa. October 1, 2010, the day my world changed again. The company I worked for sold. On this day, the papers were to be signed. Two gentlemen from the new company came to our office. One sat in a spare office. The other took ownership of the conference room. My co-workers and I tried to do our duties, but our thoughts were on our fate. We feigned activity. No work was done. The deal was to be signed at 10 AM. The minute hand crept past the hour. There was no indication of our fate from the two men. Occasionally they stepped outside, smoked, paced and talked on their cell phones. There was a delay in signing. We waited. I was not confident. They had their own project management team. I feared my fate would be a handshake and an unfeeling, "I'm sorry!" At 2 PM the slaughter began. I was called into the office. "Mike," the man said. "In times like this, decisions have to be made ..." I was out. A six month emotional journey began. The first few weeks, I sat on my behind on the sofa and brooded. I was in denial. What would I do now? I had six months of unemployment insurance to help, but it paid far less than what my job. Ginny had a job. It would help us get over the hump. Her job didn't pay much, but we could get by for a bit, if we were careful. My two weeks of brooding ended. It was time to make a plan. I needed to get to work. With the help of a friend, I redid my resume. With an updated profile placed on the various technical job boards, I waited for the phone to ring. A month went by. There were no calls from prospective employers or recruiters. My excitement dwindled. I sat on the sofa and brooded again. In November a recruiter called. He wanted to know if I was interested in a contract position in Indiana. The salary was good. I said, "Yes." He submitted my resume for the job. A few days later, another recruiter called. The job was in Washington State. I started to feel confident. "I'm on a roll!" I thought. In late November, Ginny came home from work. "Mike, we need to talk." When she says this, I know it isn't good. "I'm going to lose my job. The company is going out of business." Christmas came and went. It was a meager affair. We made the best of it. The recruiters who submitted my resume never called back. I was back to brooding, my sofa and the cat. It was an emotional rollercoaster. I was high with hope, the wind in my face and then felt the centrifugal force of disappointment, as I plunged to the bottom of another disappointment. January's cold was as bitter as my mood. A few recruiters called, submitted my resume for jobs and never called back. Each time, I felt the wind in my face and then the pressure of disappointment, as I plunged back into the hole of despair. "I'm so tired of this." I said to myself one night. My cat looked up. "Not you, Kitten! I mean going from job-to-job. I want a position that will support us." March winds blew through the Treasure Valley of Idaho. It was the rainy season. I sat on the sofa, stared out the window at the grey skies, and watched the rain fall. The weather reflected my mood. My unemployment would end in a month, Ginny's a month later. What then? The phone rang. It was another recruiter. He called about a position in Boise, twenty miles from my home. Was I interested? I said, "Yes." After all the other calls, I had no hope. A few days later, he called back. "Michael, they would like to interview you over the phone. Are you available on Monday?" "Absolutely!" I replied, but had no confidence. There were interviews before. I thought they went well. There were no offers. I woke early on the appointed day. The phone was to ring at 8 AM. I sat on the sofa - my new friend - and waited. The phone rang. I jumped and answered. The interview went well. I refused to get excited. The thought of plunging into another valley of despair scared me. I'll just stay at the bottom, thank you very much. On Friday, April 1st the phone rang. "Michael?" "Yes?" "The client wants to bring you on. This is an eight month contract. Are you willing to accept." Was it an April Fools joke? It wasn't. He was in Texas. I live in Idaho. He's lucky. I would have kissed him. "Yes, of course." People say it is like having the weight of the world lifted off your shoulders. It's the wrong description. It's like an elephant standing on your chest. The weight keeps you from breathing. My elephant stepped off. I can breathe again. It's time to get to work. I'm not going to miss this sofa. NOTE: I start on April 11th . Thank all of you for your constant prayers during these hard times for me. LOVE YOU ALL --Michael T. Smith --- ...prayers for Michael - he still needs them as we all do! :) =================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Texas Rules Of Etiquette http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html Small Thoughts http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smallthoughts.html Chalk Art 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart3.html Nigerian Dwarf Goat http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goat.html Albino White Moose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albinomoose.html Boeing 787 Dreamliner http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/b787.html Classic Chevy Collection http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html Lighthouses Of The World http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lighthouses.html Strange Hotels http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildings.html Northern Lights Over Teepees http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teepees.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Fun Christian YouTubes: Stethoscope Man "Christ Lives in You"... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P59bUbkiXSk Stethoscope Man 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FveAep-GqGM Stethoscope Man - perhaps the best one.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjCeUJpk_WM&NR=1 --- ...Sweet! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant photos http://goo.gl/OWqUS ripped : aurora gallery http://goo.gl/sK0CU --- ...Awesome! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From TheMouth: Room for Both of You - Grumpy Old Men ... This hilarious video clip features John Gustafson (Jack Lemmon) as he arrives thunderously at the local bait shop and chews the fat with its proprietor Chuck (Ossie Davis) about the outrageous price of bait. http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=16762 Funny Animal Vids Get a very funny and most of the times cute video clip of animals. Let Funny Animal Video 'tweets' put a smile on your face! Visit: http://twitter.com/FunnyAnimalVids -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Don't Eat While Driving http://www.buffaloschips.com/t54.htm Energy Star http://www.buffaloschips.com/gre3.htm Exam http://www.buffaloschips.com/34t.htm Future Engineers http://www.buffaloschips.com/9o7.htm Glock Home Protection http://www.buffaloschips.com/78i6.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =========================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A recent study has found that some girls start to learn cruelty and manipulation as young as three years old – or as Martha Stewart calls them - 'late bloomers'. " --Conan O'Brien "NASA just released their new report on global warming or, as President Bush, calls it--Spring." --Jay Leno "Toyota is recalling 600,000 minivans because the spare tire holder can break and the spare tire can go flying down the highway. It's bad enough Toyota cars can run you off the road — now the parts are chasing you down the street." - Jay Leno "On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down." - Woody Allen "Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it." - Will Rogers "If I ever got divorced, on the singles scene I'd be worth about as much as an eight-track at a garage sale." --Robert G. Lee "My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I can...she's always on my back." --Scott Wood "Ummm... a malt Glen Garry for me and my friend here. And if you tell that bartender to go extra easy on the water, this 50 cent piece has your name on it." --Vince Vaughn in SWINGERS "Bad cholesterol is the kind that clogs arteries, shoplifts lipstick and lies under oath." A peculiar posting appeared one day on the company bulletin board. It read: Used tombstone for sale. Ideal for Person Named "Murphy." "There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking." - Thomas A. Edison "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost "I have such poor vision I can date anybody." - Garry Shandling >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************