Smarter Than The Average Bear... :) Shangy!
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..---\ ___(/_ | /___ /---..
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*~* Our Hearts And Prayers go out to all our friends in France.
May God wrap his arms around them in the name of Jesus Christ.
Very sad and horrific watching the Notre Dame Cathedral in flames
today as the Spire falls. The day after Palm Sunday celebrations and
the week of Easter leaves us all overwhelmed with sadness. It's one
of the world's most famous churches, over 800 years old, and had
even survived the invasion from Hitler. It is speculated that
current renovations may be at the heart of the massive fire.
https://fxn.ws/2KFWX0J
-<>-
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press
Today's super hot new page is from our friend Linda. Ever wonder
who the smartest ever people were? We all know about Einstein, but
who else helped shape and influence our lives? This page lets you
meet some of those people. Be sure to check this one out here:
____ __ __ ___ ____ ______
/ __/ \ / | _ \ | _ \_ _|
\__ \ , ^ , | _ \| _ / | |
/____/_|\_/|_|_| \_|_| \_\ |_|
-by Shel Silverstein
World's Top Geniuses!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/geniuses.html
---
...Quite impressive! Thanks Linda!
I checked for President Trump's IQ but only came up with unofficial
IQ's - Most were saying he has a 156 IQ but I did see one that said
he had a 145 IQ. Either way, he is at genius level - which is what
one would expect from a president. Like the bible says...
Prov. 2:
[6] For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge
and understanding.
Col.1
[9] For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease
to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the
knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;
2 Tim.1:
[7] For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and
of love, and of a sound mind.
God is most logical and true. The crazy loons are not of God. :)
Jer.10:
[10] But the LORD is the true God, he is the living God, and an
everlasting king: at his wrath the earth shall tremble, and the
nations shall not be able to abide his indignation.
1 John.5
[20] And we know that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an
understanding, that we may know him that is true, and we are in him
that is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God,
and eternal life.
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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>,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-.
.-' .'` `'. '.
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Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: He was very thinkful.
-<>-
The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out
children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book
cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names.
She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for
returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to
see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved
them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out.
The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then
handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech he said,
scornfully, "That other Librarian we had could write."
-<>-
>Laws
The Law of Common Sense:
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
The Law of Reality:
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
The Law of Self Sacrifice:
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
The Law of Volunteering:
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
The Law of Avoiding Oversell:
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
The Law of Motivation:
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.
Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Law of Probable Dispersal:
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Law of Volunteer Labor:
People are always available for work in the past tense.
Conway's Law:
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on.
That person must be fired.
Iron Law of Distribution:
Them that has, gets.
Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There is always one more bug.
Law of Drunkenness:
You can't fall off the floor.
Heller's Law:
The first myth of management is that it exists.
Osborne's Law:
Variables won't; constants aren't.
Weinberg's Second Law:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed
civilization.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
April 15 is Income Taxes Due, Patriot's Day, Rubber Eraser Day,
That Sucks Day, Titanic Remembrance Day and World Art Day
April 16 is Mushroom Day, National Eggs Benedict Day, National
Librarian Day, National Stress Awareness Day and Save the Elephant Day
April 17 is Bat Appreciation Day, Blah, Blah, Blah Day, National
Cheeseball Day and Pet Owners Independence Day
April 18 is International Juggler's Day - also applies to multi tasking
office workers, National High Five Day and Newspaper Columnists Day
April 19 is Good Friday, National Garlic Day, Passover begins at
sundown - date varies
April 20 is Chinese Language Day, Husband Appreciation Day, Look Alike
Day and Volunteer Recognition Day
April 21 is Easter Sunday and Kindergarten Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
___________
\ /
)_______(
|"""""""|_.-._,.---------.,_.-._
| | | | | | ''-.
| |_| |_ _| |_..-'
|_______| '-' `'---------'` '-'
)"""""""(
/_________\
`'-------'`
.-------------.
jgs/_______________\
>Jury Duty
As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury selection process.
First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the
entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then
another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the
40 names are placed into a drum, and a dozen names are pulled.
During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror
No. 12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial
juror.
"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we
were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on
anything."
Both were excused.
-<>-
>So Proud
As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I've often been
mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even a snack-bar
employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I'm a
"real" pilot.
Still others congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field.
One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink,
brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked
over at me. "My sister would be so proud of you!" she remarked.
I figured her sister must be in the airline business, so I smiled and
asked why.
Replied the woman, "She's a dentist."
-<>-
>Bread
A mess officer was bugged because too much bread was being left over.
Some of the soldiers complained that it was too hard.
The mess officer said, "If Napoleon's troops had that bread, they'd
have eaten it down to the last crumb."
A young soldier said, "I believe that, sir. But it was fresh then!"
-<>-
>Geraniums
"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted
geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"
Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to
water while she was gone."
-<>-
>Final Exam Miracle
Just before the final exam in a college finance class, a
less-than-stellar student approached the professor.
"Can you tell me what grade I would need to get on the exam to pass
the course?" he asked.
The professor gave him the bad news. "The exam is worth 100 points.
You would need 113 points to earn a D."
"OK," he said. "And how many points would I need to get a C?"
=========================================================
.-. .-.
/ \ / \
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>-->Happy Easter Bunny SMILES:
Q: Did you hear the one about the Easter Bunny who sat on a bee?
A: It’s a tender tail!
Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
A: With a hare dryer!
Q: How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs?
A: He hires Santa’s elves during the off-season.
Q: How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
A: Eggs (X) marks the spot!
Q: What will the Easter Bunny be doing after Easter?
A: One to three for breaking and entering.
.--. /``'.
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jgs .'``\ \ / .-""-: |
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Q: Did you hear the one about the fifty-pound jelly bean?
A: It’s pretty hard to swallow!
Q: What did the rabbits do after their wedding?
A: Went on their bunnymoon!
Q: Did you hear about the farmer who fed crayons to his chickens?
A: He wanted them to lay colorful eggs!
Q: What did one colored egg say to the other?
A: ‘Heard any good yolks lately!’
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
__
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Q: What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?
A: They lived hoppily ever after!
Q: Who delivers Easter treats to all the fish in the sea?
A: The Oyster Bunny!
Q: How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
A: By hare mail!
Q: What do you need if your chocolate eggs mysteriously disappear?
A: You need an eggsplanation!
Q: How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
A: Hide in the bushes and make a noise like a carrot!
Q: What is the end of Easter?
A: The letter R.
.=""=.
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/|\ /|\
Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and the Easter Bunny?
A: A good Easter.
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?
A: Because the powder puff is on the other end!
Q: What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a rooster?
A: The very first rabbit to lay an egg!
Q: Why did the Easter egg hide?
A: He was a little chicken!
.-"-.
.'=^=^='.
/=^=^=^=^=\
:^= HAPPY =^;
|^ EASTER! ^|
:^=^=^=^=^=^:
\=^=^=^=^=/
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`~~~`
Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny after a hard day’s work?
A: Tired.
Q: What did the Easter rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It’s been nice gnawing at you.
Q: How does a rabbit keep his fur looking good?
A: With hare spray!
Q: How does the Easter Bunny say Happy Easter?
A: Hoppy Easter!
Q: What do you get when you find a Easter rabbit with no hair?
A: A hairless hare!
__
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Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
A: With a hare-dryer!
Q: Do you know how the Easter bunny stays in shape?
A: Hareobics.
Q: Why did the bunny go to the dance?
A: To do the bunny hop!
Q: What do Easter Bunny helpers get for making a basket?
A: A chance to make another one.
Q: How does the Easter bunny stay healthy?
A: Eggercise.
/\
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jgs \ \__/ /
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(((______/ \_____)))
Q: What do you call Easter when you are hopping around?
A: Hoppy Easter!
Q: What kinds of books do bunnies like?
A: Ones with hoppy endings!
Q: What do you call cute little rabbits that marched in a long
sweltering Easter parade?
A: Hot, cross bunnies.
__
/ \
/'. / | Some bunny loves you!
||'.\| |
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`"""""""""`"""""`
See More Here:
http://easterjokes.org/
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu
_ .-"--._
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>SMILES
Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her
very first flight.
They had only been aloft a few minutes when the elderly lady complained
to the stewardess that her ears were popping.
The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her
that many people experienced the same discomfort.
When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess.
"The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it
out of my ears?"
----------
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was
jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands
flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about
them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too"
----------
Realizing that the time had come for him to stop working so hard, an old
blacksmith chose a strong young man to become his apprentice.
The young man was full of questions and the old blacksmith was ill-
tempered and exacting.
"Don't ask me a lot of questions," grumbled the old man. "Just do
whatever I tell you to do!"
One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on
the anvil.
"Get the hammer over there," he snapped at the apprentice. "When I nod
my head, hit it as hard as you can."
The town is now looking for a new blacksmith.
----------
A brunette, who decided blondes really do have more fun, went to the
salon to get a bleach job.
When she got home, her husband admired her new blonde locks. "Thanks,
honey," she said.
"I hope you realize how much pain and suffering I had to go through to
become a blonde."
"Pain and suffering?" said her husband. "How much pain can there be in
becoming a blonde?"
"That was the easy part," said the new blonde. "What hurt was when they
drilled the hole in my head and removed half my brain."
----------
A blonde pulls over at the petrol station, gets out of her car, opens
the bonnet, and checks the engine oil.
After a few seconds of intelligent thinking, she takes the dipstick in
her hand and, raising her chest high, walks up to the attendant.
"Excuse me sir, but can I buy a longer dipstick?"
"May I ask why you need a longer one ma'am?"
"Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil!"
-------
>The IRS and Grandpa
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
attorney.
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and
no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win
money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about
a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my
own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can
bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,
with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, throw
that full glass of water into the wastebasket on the other side, and
never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully
and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that
stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands on the desk and takes careful aim, but when he throws
the glass, water covers the man's desk, jacket, briefcase, and
everything around it.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney starts crying and puts his head in his
hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me
he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars
that he could come in here and throw water all over your office and
that you'd be happy about it!"
-------
>Tyrone
Tyrone was having trouble in school. His teacher was always yelling
at him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone. Can't you learn anything?"
One day Tyrone's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The
teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting
very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and
ignorant boy in her entire teaching career. Tyrone's mom, shocked at
the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved from Detroit,
relocating to Cleveland.
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac
disease. Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart
surgery, which only one surgeon at the renowned Cleveland Clinic
could perform.
Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation,
which was remarkably successful.
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young
doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted
to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she
raised her hand, trying to tell him something, but quickly died.
The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly. When
the doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw Tyrone, now a
janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in
order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.
If you thought that Tyrone had become a heart-surgeon, there is a
good chance you voted for Hillary.
-------
>TAXES - Sarah Sanders
Some think the Press Secretary, Sarah Sanders, is one of the
brightest people in the current administration. She also has a quick
wit about her and if you doubt it then read below. It's got to be
the answer of the year. During a recent press conference, a
reporter with MSNBC hollered from the press corps, "Where is
President Trump hiding his tax returns? "
Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, astutely responded, "We've
found a very secure place and I'm certain they won't be found.
"And just where is that?" said the reporter, sarcastically.
Mrs. Sanders grinned sardonically and said, "They are underneath
Obama's college records, his passport application, his immigration
status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his
college records, and his Selective Service registration.”
---
...LOL! Love These - Great ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
_
/ `\ _
/ /\ \ / `\
/ / \ \.-=-./ /\ \
\| | /\ /\ | \ \
| \o|o/ | |/
\_= _Y_ =_/
`) ^ (`
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/ / \ \
\_/ \_/
.-. | | .-.
|oo \| |/ oo|
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jgs \___,' '.___/
>-->From HandyHints:
A good bathroom cleaning routine should be more than a hard-
surface wipe-down. Make your space a sanctuary of cleanliness
by adopting a more rigorous process for disinfecting and
cleaning. A little extra work now saves a lot of time and
money in the long run. Let's start with this...
It's easy to forget to dust your bathroom light fixtures,
but so easy to do with the help of a microfiber cloth. With
the light turned off (and the lightbulb cooled) use the cloth
to clean the inside and outside of the fixture, as well as
the surface of the bulb. If the light bulbs you use are a
focal point (such as clear glass globes) remove the bulb
from the fixture, clean the surface with glass cleaner, and
allow it to dry completely before putting it back into the
fixture.
---
...If you simply need to dust those vanity lights do as I do:
While blow drying my hair, I put the hair dryer on low heat
and full blow power and aim it at the lights and all around
the fixture. Gives them a quick and easy dusting every couple
of days making the time to actually have to do the hard clean
of washing them with a glass cleaner further on down the road.
-<>-
>Is your showerhead due for a cleaning?
Mineral deposits in water can affect the showerhead and even
shorten its life. Keep the jets in the nozzle clear and clean
by misting the showerhead every week with a mixture of 50
percent white vinegar and 50 percent water. Allow it to sit
and drip for a few minutes and then wipe it clean with a dry
cloth.
-<>-
>Don't forget to clean the toilet base
During the next toilet scrub-down, consider which areas you
focus on most. The bowl, seat, lid, and top of the tank are
the highly visible spots, but the underside of the bowl and
the plumbing piping behind the toilet gets dusty and affected
by germs too. To sanitize hard-to-reach places behind the
toilet, try using a steam wand to disinfect and then wipe
down using a dry cloth.
-<>-
Adding a plant or a bouquet of fresh flowers is an easy way
to instantly make any room feel more well cared-for. That's
why it's a common staging trick used by real estate agents
and a styling trick for magazine photo shoots. Plus, some
plants don't just make the room look clean, but certain
varieties actually purify the air.
Fresh flowers also help make a room appear more polished.
Plus, the light floral scent will give your home a
wonderful aroma.
-<>-
Save Some Time And Money:
Unless you are baking cakes and cookies, there really is no
need to wait for the oven to preheat and come to temperature.
Casseroles, meatloaves and like that need an hour or more of
cooking time can be popped right in, saving you time and
energy. And turn off the oven 10 minutes before the food is
finished--the residual heat will get the job done!
-<>-
AGAIN - Save Time And Money:
Studies show that most people pre-rinse dishes before loading
them into the dishwasher. Modern dishwashers - certainly those
purchased within the last 5 to 10 years do a superb job of
cleaning even heavily soiled dishes. Don't be tempted to
pre-rinse dishes before loading; simply scrape off any food
and empty liquids and let the dishwasher do the rest. This
will save you time as well as water and energy. If you find
you must rinse dishes first, get in the habit of using cold
water.
-<>-
'Go Green' Hints:
Save on Gas
Ride your bike or walk when possible. If you are using your
car, combine errands to save on gas.
If you are heading to an appointment or the grocery store,
think what other stops you could make while heading in that
direction.
It's amazing how those little changes can add up to big savings!
-----
Make your own bathroom cleaner
We've been over this before, as there are so many reasons
to make your own cleaning products. It's safer (scroll down
for the truth about toxic chemicals in store-bought bathroom
cleaners), it lessens your chemical exposure, it's better
for the environment, and it's SO easy and actually fun to do.
This entire homemade bathroom cleaner recipe cost me a
whopping $1.29 to make. Compare that to most store-bought
bathroom cleaners, which average around $10 per bottle. Take
a look:
- water (FREE!!)
- baking soda (I paid $6.39 for 16 ounces, but I only used
1/2 an ounce = $0.20)
- white vinegar (I paid $11.67 for 128 ounces, but I only
used 4 ounces = $0.36)
- castile soap (I paid $20 for 30 ounces, but I only used
1 ounce = $0.67)
- essential oils; I recommend tea tree oil (I paid $12.50
for 4 ounces, but I only used .02 ounces = $0.06)
Did I mention this recipe takes less than 2 minutes to make?
Once again, it's as simple as pour, stir, spray and that's
it. Seriously. 3 steps, and the last one is the actual act
of cleaning.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Justice With Judge Jeanine 4/13/19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DS5fBz6kJw
Sean Hannity 4/12/19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRnNf8uJUGo
The Ingraham Angle 4/12/19|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuIEemHT2ak
Over 10K illegal immigrants living in the U.S. from terrorist-sponsored
countries
https://tinyurl.com/y5ae47ub
BORDER PATROL UNION PRESIDENT SAYS IT’S ‘ABSOLUTELY LEGAL’ TO DROP
ILLEGALS IN SANCTUARY CITIES
https://tinyurl.com/y48bva3e
Kids Magazine Celebrates Abortion
https://tinyurl.com/yym4q46z
FLASHBACK: Hillary Suggested Droning WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange
https://tinyurl.com/yyp3utru
Shadow Governments and the Bilderberg Group
https://tinyurl.com/y26v7cda
Westwing News: Democrats, As Usual, Were Wrong on Trump’s Tax Cuts
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Beef, Pork, Melon
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert: Mystery E. coli Source Found, CDC Says
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
There are lots of ways to be philanthropic. You could give
money to a charitable organization, donate your time, donate
your skills, work in a soup kitchen, volunteer for Habitat
for Humanity, donate blood, foster a child.
Probably the worst way you could think of would be to hand
out cash to drunks early in the morning to pay for meals in
front of a Waffle House.
In Florida.
But for some unexplained reason this is exactly what 41-
year-old Craig Brewer decided to do, and somebody got
upset because they felt like they were being left out. And
it didn't end well for Brewer.
Police arrested Ezekiel Hicks, 25, on murder charges early
Sunday in the death of Brewer, who was shot and killed at
a Waffle House, in Gainesville, Florida, just a few miles
west of the University of Florida. The good Samaritan was
handing out $20 bills to pay for meals, according to police.
Officials with the Alachua County Sheriff's Office said the
restaurant's surveillance camera captured an altercation
between the two on video. Witnesses said the victim was
arguing with a female acquaintance of the suspect, who was
reportedly upset because Brewer's generosity didn't include
her.
Hicks intervened and got into a physical altercation with
the victim, police said. At one point, Hicks left the Waffle
House and retrieved a 9mm Glock pistol, which was later
recovered at the scene, according to the sheriff's office.
The altercation "lasted only a few seconds" and ended with
Hicks firing multiple shots towards the victim's head,
killing him on the scene, the sheriff's office said.
Hicks was arrested in the parking lot, where he admitted to
shooting Brewer, according to the sheriff's office.
-<>-
You just don't see this kind of thing happening very often
in many other states, but in Florida it seems to be fairly
common. With spring temperatures in the upper seventies to
the lower eighties, and a certain relaxed attitude toward
decorum, I am not surprised to read about three teenage
girls showering naked together at a roadside rest area. But
I was a little surprised at the high speed car chase that
followed. You would think a ticket, or even a stern warning
would be enough, but it did not end that well for these
three, free-spirited young ladies.
Police say a witness reported that three naked women were
at an Interstate 75 rest stop Wednesday morning, and that
"all three of them" were "standing in the nude putting on
suntan lotion."
When a Florida Highway Patrol trooper arrived at the rest
stop, the naked women explained that they had simply been
"air drying" in the nude after showering. One woman said
that the trio had spent the night at the rest area after
leaving a local residence "due to an altercation."
With no bathing facilities available, they opted for a
shower on a lawn. A trooper noted that a case of water and
a bottle of soap was on the ground next to the suspects.
Before the officer could complete her investigation,
however, the trio jumped into their Nissan Sentra and drove
off on the highway.
The car was subsequently tracked to the parking lot of a
convenience store that the trio--now apparently clothed--
had entered. When a trooper sought to arrest one of the
women leaving the store, the driver of the Nissan allegedly
tried to strike him with the vehicle.
At that point, another woman exited the car with a pink
baseball bat and approached the trooper, prompting another
officer to ram the Nissan. The car drove away, prompting
another police chase.
The Nissan was finally brought to a stop using road spike
strips. But the women still refused to exit the vehicle.
Police had to break a window and taser the girls before
they were taken into custody.
Investigators identified the car's driver as Oasis Shakira
McLeod, 18, and the passengers as Jeniyah McLeod and
Cecilia Eunique Young, both 19. The women were charged
with fleeing to elude, resisting arrest, aggravated
assault, indecent exposure, and marijuana possession. The
younger McLeod was also hit with a DUI count.
---
...Wow! Stupid is as stupid does - they would have only been
facing 'indecent exposure' had they not acted so badly!
*--- The Mississippi Mashed Potato Mystery ---*
Residents of a Mississippi neighborhood are trying to get
to the bottom of an unusual mystery -- someone has been
leaving mashed potatoes in various locations. Neighbors
in the Belhaven area of Jackson said they been finding
plates of mashed potatoes in locations including porches,
mailboxes and on top of vehicles. "This neighborhood does
a lot of quirky things, we decorate road signs, we put
Christmas trees in our potholes, so it's not surprising at
all, that's why I love this neighborhood, because they do
so many strange things, but it's definitely one of the
weirdest things I've seen since living in Jackson," resident
Jordan Lewis, who found mashed potatoes on her car, told
local news. Residents said they have yet to uncover the
motive behind the apparent prank. "Some people were thinking
maybe the mashed potatoes were poisoned to kill animals. I
didn't taste it, I have a 3-second rule, so I didn't touch
it but some people were worried," said Sebastian Bjernegard,
who found a plate of potatoes on his doorstep. Neighbors
said they have not involved the police since the prank
appears to be harmless.
*--- Doctors Find Bees Living In Woman's Eyelid ---*
A Taiwan woman suffering from a swollen eye went to a
hospital where doctors found four minuscule bees living
under her eyelid. Hung Chi-ting, the head of the
ophthalmology department at Taiwan's Fooyin University
Hospital, said he noticed what looked like insect legs
under the woman's left eyelid and used a microscope to
discover she had sweat bees, also known as halictidae,
living next to her eye. The woman, identified by the
surname He, said she thinks the insects blew into her eye
while visiting a relative's grave. Sweat bees are known
to nest near graves and fallen trees. Hung said the woman
was found to be suffering from bacterial skin infection
cellulitis and severe corneal erosion. Doctors said the
insects were still alive and apparently survived by feeding
on the woman's tears.
*--- Australia: Drunk Man Ate Beer Bottle ---*
Australian authorities said a man was hospitalized after he
drunkenly ate a glass beer bottle during a family gathering.
Northern Territory Police Superintendent Louise Jorgensen
said police received an emergency call just after 9 p.m.
about a man at a family gathering in Wagaman who chewed and
swallowed a glass beer bottle "and then went for a lie down."
"His family then called police and St. John [Ambulance], and
he was taken to Royal Darwin Hospital," Jorgensen said.
Jorgensen said the call was one of 500 made to police between
3 p.m. and 11 p.m. She said drunken hijinks such as the
bottle-eating man are a drain on police resources. "People
are dismayed when we can't respond to their jobs immediately,
but this is why -- because of all these other jobs that are
coming in," she said. "Most of them are domestics, or anti-
social and drunk behavior."
*--- Mr. Bubble ---*
A North Carolina man achieved his seventh Guinness World
Records title by putting 13 people inside soap bubbles
in 30 seconds. Guinness confirmed Steven Langley of
Huntersville set the record for putting the most number
of people in soap bubbles in 30 seconds. Langley, a
performer with The Soap Bubble Circus, set his first
record in 2011, when he broke the record for most paddle
balls controlled simultaneously by a person -- seven --
during an appearance on live TV in Italy. The performer's
other records include the longest hanging chain of soap
bubbles, at 35, and most people making bubbles with
garland wands simultaneously, at 317.
=========================================================
.
. | ,
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--- ( ) ---
\ /
_|=|_
|_____| kat
>-->From TheGroaner:
There are a lot of dim bulbs out there roaming free on this planet.
Here's a list of quotes from several of them that I overheard
recently. If this keeps up our species is doomed!
1. I'm so hungry I could eat some food.
2. Math would be great if it weren't for all the numbers.
3. All school is good for is learning.
4. Hats are only good for your head.
5. Chicken tastes just like chicken.
6. Is April Fool's Day only once a year?
7. Buying stuff can cost you some big money.
8. My car doesn't have brakes. Is that bad?
9. A quarter isn't worth that much.
10. Just call her and tell her to text you.
Wow! Sounds like a bunch of registered voters to me.
-<>-
>It Doesn't Make You Fat
Wine Does NOT Make You FAT.
It Makes You LEAN...
Against Tables, Chairs, Floors, Walls and Ugly People.
-<>-
>A New Illness
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is
staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the heck is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my butt coming into work today."
-<>-
>The Ten Weirdest Movie Titles to Ever Title A Movie!
1. Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla
2. They Saved Hitler's Brain
3. The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini
4. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers
5. Dirty Dingus Magee
6. Chopping Mall
7. Surf Nazis Must Die
8. Gas! -Or- It Became Necessary to Destroy the World in Order to Save
It (...by AOC no doubt!)
9. The Thing with Two Heads
10. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
-<>-
>What's The Story?
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling
smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor..."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
-<>-
>Sitting For Too Long
Two old ladies are sitting on a hard park bench for a few hours.
One says: "I think my butt feel asleep."
The other said: "Yeah, I heard it snore a couple of times."
-<>-
|
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>Q and A Quickies
Q: Which knight is never killed in battle?
A: Sir Vivor.
Q: Which knight is always sleeping?
A: Sir Lumber.
Q: What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
A: Sir Cumference.
Q: Why was the boy sitting on his watch?
A: Because he wanted to be on time.
Q: What do you give a pony with a cold?
A: Cough Stirrup!
Q: What is a horse's favorite sport?
A: Stable tennis!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_.(-)._
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`'._____.'`
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jgs []
My good deed for the week.
After the last issue a reader named Christopher wrote in
with the following comment:
"Joe, thanks for the tips on chicken wings! I
had to omit the cayenne pepper as I am the only
one who likes food that spicy. But those were
the best chicken wings I've ever made or eaten."
I'm glad they turned out so good for you, Christopher. Now
I feel like I've done my good deed for the week. Like with
so many things, the results show up in the preparation. I
bet you'll never just rip open a package and throw a mess
of wings on the grill again.
---
...If you missed it - See his recipe I saved for you here:
Secret CHICKEN Wing Recipe By Joe
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html**
-<>-
__
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An weathered farmer and his wife were leaning against the
edge of their pig-pen when the woman wistfully recalled
that the next week would mark their Silver wedding
anniversary. 'Let's Let's kill a pig and have a big BBQ
party, Homer,' she suggested.'
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. 'Gee, Ethel,' he
finally answered, 'I don't see why the pig should suffer
for something that happened 25 years ago.'"
-<>-
Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical
convention and making jokes...
The first, a Florida surgeon, says: "I like to see
accountants on my operating table, because when you open
them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: "Yeah, but you
should try electricians. Everything inside of them is
color coded."
The third, a California surgeon, says: "No, I really think
librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in
alphabetical order."
The fourth, an New York surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I
like construction workers. Those guys always understand
when you have a few parts left over."
But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when
he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest
to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains, no
spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."
-<>-
~;
,/|\,
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jgs \ /
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While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for
my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It
was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at
the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift."
"Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order.
"My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block."
-<>-
Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer.
Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a
conversation several times and getting only distracted
grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
"Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those trick
questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."
"What kind of question?" asked Tom.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was
old, fat and ugly."
"That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'".
"Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of
course I DO....'"
-<>-
I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative
phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising
effort.
"Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated."
Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change
my mind and volunteer.
I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what
that means?"
She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"
-<>-
|
| /
| /
.~^(,&|/o.
|`-------^|
\ /
`=======' ejm98
One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that
his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?"
His father told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."
This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. "What's
a Tupperware party, Dad?"
The man had always given my son honest answers, so he
figured a simple explanation would be the best approach.
"Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of
ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."
He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious
pastime.
Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What
is it really?"
-<>-
______
|o | !
__ |:`_|---'-.
|__|______.-.'_'.-----.|
(o)(o)------''._.' (O) LGB
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when,
through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a strip-
tease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
Butt clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently
slides off the right strap of his overalls, followed by the
left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic
striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips,
revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to
reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish,
he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball
cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the
world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me,"
says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me 'n the wife
been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the
therapist suggested I do something s%xy to a tractor."
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
.-.
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>On Taxes, from Douglas Helsel:
The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by
an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of
$80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work
like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed
three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these
travel deductions. You listed six trips to Florida for you and your
wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "It is a legitimate business
expense because we also deliver. "
-<>-
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>A heartfelt message from the rural Midwest:
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners
and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana,
Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota,
and South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set
of information guidelines.
In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following
list will be handed to each driver entering the state:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because
I need it, not just to keep up with the neighbors.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
you whipped - by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
little trout you fish for: bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up
to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for
what you pay for one drink at the airport.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two pounds
of ham and turkey.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends.
We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines
that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors
because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too, and turtle. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go East & West; Interstates 29, 35
& 55 go North & South. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It
spooks the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot - his name is "Sir", no matter how old he is.
Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your stay, we have
corn to plant.
=========================================================
>-->THE FIRST EASTER BUNNY... by Francine M. O'Connor
(ASCII Art by joan stark)
__ /^\
.' \ / :.\ This is the story of a long-eared rabbit
/ \ | :: \ who couldn't learn to do the bunny hop.
/ /. \ / ::: | His ears were floppy, his feet were sloppy,
| |::. \ / :::'/ he'd hippity hop, then he'd trip and plop.
| / \::. | / :::'/
`--` \' `~~~ ':'/`
/ ( So this little rabbit developed the habit
/ 0 _ 0 \ of staying awake when the sun went down.
\/ \_/ \/ He'd stay up all night,
-== '.' | '.' ==- till the morning light, and
/\ '-^-' /\ practice his hopping just outside of town.
\ _ _ /
.-`-((\o/))-`-.
_ / //^\\ \ _ On the first Easter morn,
."o".( , .:::. , )."o". just before dawn,
|o o\\ \:::::/ //o o| He was startled by a bright
\ \\ |:::::| // / and blinding light.
\ \\__/:::::\__// / And Jesus was there in the
\ .:.\ `':::'` /.:. / shimmering glare,
\':: |_ _| ::'/ smiling at that funny bunny's plight.
jgs `---` `"""""` `---`
Don't worry, little lad, and don't be so sad, .-"-.
for humankind will celebrate this special day. .'=^=^='.
You must bring the word to every beast and bird /=^=^=^=^=\
that I have risen and am in the world to stay. :^= HAPPY =^;
|^ EASTER! ^|
You should've seen that cottontail hop away, :^=^=^=^=^=^:
feeling mighty proud to be the chosen one. \=^=^=^=^=/
Though this story is quite old, it can now be retold `.=^=^=.'
to make little children smile on Easter morn. `~~~`
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Living Tree Church!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treechurch.html
Elephant Rescue!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant3.html
World's Best Husband!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html
Metropolitan Museum Of Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/metmuseumart.html
World Of Peacocks!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peacock.html
Paris In 1940!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parisin1940.html
World's Largest Monastic Library!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/library.html
World's Most Expressive Cat!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/expressivecat.html
Tips For Dog Owners!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogfacts.html
Beautiful Russian Churches!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/russianchurches.html
When Sandman Attacks!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html
Most Beautiful Mushrooms!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mushrooms.html
True Duck Tale!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/duck.html
World's Tallest Wooden Building!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/tallestbuilding.html
World's Most Expensive Paintings!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/expensivepaintings.html
Full SPRING/EASTER Index!
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
Smarter Than The Average Bear
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DEatq2MwUY
Yogi Bear - Slumber Party Smarty
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9jXwuGaLt0
Looney Tunes | Wile E. Coyote Genius vs. Bugs Bunny
Classic Cartoon Compilation | WB Kids
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEUuZ_UzBQw
Bugs Bunny with Sam (my mom's boyfriend)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PO4JcgD3vq0
Yosemite Sam - I Hates Rabbits
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOUhGcsHqDM
The Pink Panther Show Episode 59 - Slink Pink
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdjnkb4ONWk
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
10 famous movie scenes from iconic films such as 'Raiders of the Lost
Ark,' 'Star Wars,' 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid' and 'Back to
the Future.'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFuwRlaOjis
Lewis and Clark had a secret weapon when they went on their famous
exploration of what is now known as the Western United States. The
weapon was a late 18th Century .46 cal. 20 shot repeating air rifle
by Girandoni.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pqFyKh-rUI
---
...Wowsers! Amazing! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The FDA is warning New Yorkers about Chinese food after
a major Brooklyn distributor was found with rats and birds
nesting in boxes of ingredients. The distributor says it's
all a misunderstanding - those ARE the ingredients."
-Seth Meyers
"The Wall Street Journal reported that America has a surplus
of cheese and that every person in the country would have
to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to get rid
of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering
extra cheese, just say, 'I'm doing this for America.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"The electronics company LG identified a new phenomenon
called low-battery anxiety. People become nervous,
distracted, and frustrated when their phones are about to
die. If you are not familiar with low-battery anxiety,
it's a real condition that primarily affects people with
no actual problems." -James Corden
"A new study has found that being good-looking can hurt a
man's career because the people in charge of hiring see
attractive men as a threat. So if you're a man who was
recently hired for a new job, congratulations. You're
hideous." -James Corden
"Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with
Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer
goggles." -Conan O'Brien
"I was thinking about doing something to my wife on April
Fools' Day but then I thought, you know what, tricking her
into marrying me was more than enough prank." -Jimmy Kimmel
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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