Smarter Than The Average Bear And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first Hot new page is from our friend Linda. If you are like me, some of these little known facts my just surprise you! Give them a quick check and see here.. . `: : : . __.'_ .' : _.--' `-._.' .-'.. .. `. : .-. .--.`. : : : : : : : : :`;; :`; ; : `.`O;' `O;.' : .' .---. .--. ; . : '._ :' ; :: : .-`-.; . .' .': `. ``` `. :-' : : `-.__ ._ _.' : ; : ;``` : `. _.-.' . ``-._ : `.-' : : `-. : _.: ` `-._ `, `._.-' ; `.`-. ;_, _., : `.: ;' ;-' ; : ``.___.' : : ;_..--' `. ; `-.__ ...' : : : jgs :-:__; : : : .-~~~--..__: : :___..---.. .'.' : `, :,' : `; ; `: _.'`._ :,' `~~~'----'' `'-.____....' Amazing Trivia Facts UK! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafactsuk.html --- ...Wow! The one about the horses floored me! Thanks Linda! We've got three, so on to our next fun hottie! This one is from our friend LouiseAu! We are on a British roll so we'll continue with lots of SMILES here... _ ///-._ ////////-._ /////////////-. ////////////////`. //////////////// .'`. //////////////// . '.'`. '|`'//////////// . .'.::|` : `'/////// . '.':| | . . `'// ' _|- ::| |. .-._ . | . | .':: | |:|:| | ' ' '.::| | |:|:| :. . .'.':| | . |:|:| . | .._.::: : `':| | ' ////-:| |. . | '/////////-._ | . . : .//////////////-._ : : ///////////////////-._ |. |////////////////////////-._ | . . :`'//////////////////////////-._ | . _.-\\\\``'//////////////////////////-._ | /\\\\\\\\..``'//////////////////////////". : . . /. \\\\\\\\\. .``'///////////////////// .'`. : / _ \\\\\\\\\. ``'//////////////// . .'`. | . / (@) \\\\\\\\\. . . ``'/////////// . '.'::|. {`)._ '| _` .\\\\\\\-`:|#| . . ``'////// '. .'.:| `-{_/`| ||::. \\'`.:|:.|#| |#| . ``'/ ' .##:'::: `-| ||||| |`.'::|::|#| |#| |#| . . '| . .|##|'.:| pils | ||||| : .'::|:.'#| |#| |#| |#| | |##|'::| | ||||| .| .'.:|::.'' '#| |#| |#| . : ' |##|'.:| {`\:|||| : .'::|:_.:. . '#| |#| | .|##|'::: `-{_/'|_ |_.-'/}_/'-._ '#| :. |##:'.:| `'{._('}_)-' `-}_}(-._ . . | ' '` .'::| `-' `-.} /-._ . : .'.'_:-'\ `-}_}(-._ | . _.-')_(-' `-/_)`-.:.-{ \{-' `-{_'_)-'' ^ Humor In Religion 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion4.html --- ...Some good Belly Laughs here! Thanks LouiseAu! While we got our grin on, we'll move on to next flaming hot new page. This one is from our friends Linda, LouiseAu, PatDeE and Geniann! It has some great humor to bring you lasting chuckles for your day! Check it out here: : ;; / | / | .' : .-' ' _.-' / .-*" / _ .-' .' _.-*?' .' .' .-" .' __ .' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".' / \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .' : `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .' ; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+. : .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _( \ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_( `*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_( ; `._| | \ )` .'.' `./_" ( : \| I | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"' \ | GOT | `----**"T"" " `+. | `. | THIS! | ' .' : _.-*"*- | | / / ' .-*" _ | | __..-'\ / bug "+,'___..--| |--**"" `-.__.' "" +----------------+ Humorous Signs 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns3.html --- ...LOL! What a great laugh collection! Thank You My Friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ()___ ()//__/)_________________() ||(___)//#/_/#/_/#/_/#()/|| ||----|#| |#|_|#|_|#|_|| || ||____|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|#||/|| jgs || |#|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|| Little Johnny had just been put to bed for the umpteenth time and his mother's patience was wearing thin. "If I hear you call 'Mother' one more time, you will be punished," she warned him sternly. For a while it was quiet, and then she heart a small voice call from the top of the stairs, "Mrs. Jones? Can I have a drink of water?" -<>- Deputy: That's a strange-looking dog. Sheriff: He's a genuine police dog. Deputy: He doesn't look like any police dog I've ever seen. Sheriff: Of course not. He's in the secret service. -<>- Two old ladies sat on a bench talking. One said to the other, "Good heavens! Who did your hair? It looks like a wig!" The second lady replied, "It is a wig." "Really?" exclaimed the first lady, "You could never tell!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day May 10 is Clean up Your Room Day May 11 is Eat What You Want Day, National Receptionist Day and Twilight Zone Day May 12 is International Nurses Day and Limerick Day May 13 is Blame Someone Else Day [Unofficial Obama Day], Friday the 13th - the only one in 2016, Frog Jumping and Leprechaun Day May 14 is Dance Like a Chicken Day, International Migratory Bird Day and National Train Day May 15 is National Chocolate Chip and Police Officer's Memorial Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _.._.-..-._ .-' .' /\ \`._ / / .' `-.\ `. :_.' .. : _.../\ | ;___ .-' //\\. \ _..._ / `/\ // \\\ `-.___.-' /\ //\\ \\: | //\V/ :\\ \\ \ \\/ \\ /\\ `.____.\\ \\ .' \\ // /\\---\\-' \\ fsc // // \\ \\ \\ >Adult Supervision Our two boys received as a gift a "Kreepy Krauly" toy oven, a small oven used to bake plastic bugs. The boys prepared the first tray of bugs and slid it into the oven to bake. The younger one asked his older brother if he could look through the clear plastic window at the top of the oven to watch the baking in progress. "No," the older brother replied, "you don't have the right kind of eyes. It says right here that you need adult super vision." -<>- >Clerk-Typist A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk-typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 0800 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine." -<>- >Paying the Bill A patient at the dental office where I work stopped by my desk to pay her bill. She began rummaging through her purse, as so many patients do when they have a check to write. "Do you need a pen?" I asked, offering her mine. "Yes, thank you," she replied. She took it, put it in her handbag, and proceeded to pay in cash. -<>- >Airline Reservation Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven." "I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?" "It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph." -<>- >Homework A teacher is talking to a student. Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ,--. ,---. / '. / \ \ ; \-| (- -) /`v'\/; ,-----/ ,---/)--. ,' ; ( /////// ) /) ,---| -`-----(\' ; | ---- | ' (| ,-| ---- |-. | /| ---- |\ | |/ | ---- | \| \ : ---- ; | \ \ -- / / ; \ / : / / \/ \ \ /) (\ -hrr- .: Ralph & Son :. >Did I read that sign right? TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR Sign in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. On a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) -<>- Irv and Sol, are walking down the street when Sol turns to Irv and says, "Irv, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars, with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all of that, exactly the same, would you give me one?" Irv says, "Sol, how long do we go back? Thirty years? We've been best friends since school, and if I had two of those Mercedes, top-of-the-line cars with all the trimmings, exactly the same, yeah, I would give the other one to you." So, they keep walking. After a couple of minutes, Irv turns to Sol and says, "Sol, if you had two of those luxury, playboy-type yachts, you know, with all the modern conveniences, and they were exactly the same, would you give one of them to me?" Sol says, "Irv, you and me are like brothers, you were best man at my wedding, you attended my son's Bar Mitzvah, we have gone to the same shul together for all these years. If I had two of those luxury playboy yachts, exactly the same with all the modern conveniences, then yeah Irv, I really would give the other one to you." They keep walking. A couple of minutes later, Sol turns to Irv, "Irv, if you had two chickens..." "Now hold on there! Sol, you KNOW I've got two Chickens! -------- Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir! -------- The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?" One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's." The entire crew on the Destroyer doubles over in laughter. When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?" The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The other 12 million are already there!" ------- A cop walking his usual beat sees an old man pulling a box on a leash, down a busy street. "Poor man," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him." "That' a nice dog you got there," says the cop to the old man. "It isn't a dog, it's a box," replies the old man. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman, "I thought you were a bit touched." The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn't we, Rover? --------- Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said walking up to her, "but in a little while, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars. I would like to have someone to share it with. Will you come home with me?" The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother. ------- Eager to make her mark in the world of business, the attractive new MBA took a job as executive assistant to the middle aged owner of a fast-growing computer software company. She found the work challenging and the travel interesting, but was extremely annoyed by her boss's tendency to treat her in public as though she were his girlfriend rather than a professional associate. This was especially irritating in restaurants, where he would insist on ordering for her, and on calling her "dearest" or "darling" within earshot of the waiters. When she told him how much it bothered her, he promised to stop, but the patronizing behavior continued. Finally, as he led her into a four-star restaurant, she took matters into her own hands. "Where would you like to sit, sweetheart?" he asked, with a wink at the maitre'd. "Gee," she replied, "anywhere you say, Dad." -------- On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out. --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _______ ______ ' ' ' ' ( BUD ) _______ ( WISE ) ,_ _____, / \ ,___ __, | | ER | | \ | | / oO)-. \___ ___/ .-(Oo /__ _\ | /_ __\ \ \( | / | )/ / \__|\ | ()~() | /|__/ ' '--' (-___-) '--' ' ==`-'== Steve Such truer words were never spoken! >Variations of Murphy's Law - not always true, it just seems that way. 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers. 6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!! 10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. 16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!! 18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!! 19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.. "Life is not the way it's supposed to be - it's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." I'm going to retire and live off my savings. What I'll do on the second day, I have no idea... --- ...TeeHee! Satire of Life! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: All The News: http://rightalerts.com/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: Police in Washington state said a need for speed wasn't the only monkey on a fleeing suspect's back -- he also literally had a monkey on his back. The Burien Police Department said the suspect was clocked driving 112 mph by a Washington State Trooper and the motorist lost control of the vehicle when he took an exit. The driver crashed his vehicle into a large rock in a resident's yard and allegedly started to flee the scene on foot before returning to the car for his pet monkey. Police said the man and his "partner-in-crime" were found near the scene and both were taken into custody. Police shared a photo of the man in the back of a police cruiser with the monkey clinging to his back. "Once we determined the monkey was not the driver, we released him to a family member since he was only engaged in monkey business," Burien police said. The man was charged with leaving the scene of an accident. *---- Come, Mister Tally Man, Tally Me banana ----* Chinese live-streaming video websites announced female broad- casters are being banned from "seductively eating bananas" as part of a crackdown on pornography. Regulations handed down as part of a Ministry of Culture investigation into "inappropriate and erotic" online content requires popular streaming sites to monitor all of the live streams they host for banned content including pornography and violence. The content the sites are seeking to block from broadcasts include female live-steamers "seductively eating bananas." Female live-streamers are also being banned from wearing stockings and suspenders while appearing on camera. Social media users in China have questioned at what point footage of a woman eating a banana becomes provocative, while others wondered whether the same rules would be applied to men who eat bananas while live-streaming. *-- It Never Rains In Las Vegas, But It Pours --* Visitors to a Las Vegas attraction said they were unexpectedly drenched by falling liquid that turned out to be urine from a teenager on a zip line over their heads. Tourists visiting the popular Fremont Street Experience attraction said they initially thought the drops of liquid that fell onto their heads was water or beer, but they soon discovered it was something far more disgusting: a 15-year- old boy's urine. Officials with the attraction said the teenager urinated while riding the Slot-Zilla, a slot machine-themed zip line that stretches over the Fremont Street Experience. "Like a lot of liquid coming from above us, just showering from head to toe our back and top of the head dripping down, and we thought it was some sort of water, maybe some drinks or beer," Cazimere Ferguson, who was visiting Las Vegas from Hawaii said. The Fremont Street Experience's marketing director said the teen's parents apologized for the incident. It was unclear whether the mid-ride urination was involuntary or an intentional prank. *--------------- Self-Made Hero ---------------* A firefighter was arrested after an investigation revealed that he was behind at least 18 fires in Canada. Royal Canadian Mounted Police arrested 19-year-old Lawson Michael Schalm of Mayerthorpe on 18 counts of arson. Schalm has been working as a firefighter since he was 15 years old. Police began an investigation after they began to suspect that several of the fires were started deliberately. Fire chief Randy Schroeder said his department is shocked by the arrest. He said that Schalm was actively fighting five of the fires that he is accused of starting. His father Albert Schalm, who is the former mayor of Mayerthorpe, said that he was in total shock when he learned of his son's arrest. *-------- Smarter Than the Average Bear --------* A North Carolina family said they awoke to strange noises and discovered a black bear eating a bag of Hershey's Kisses in their kitchen. Ashley Snyder said she was home with her husband, Benjamin, and their young children when she awoke about 5 a.m. to crinkling sounds coming from the kitchen. Snyder's husband, Benjamin, woke up and shot video of the bear while coaxing it to leave the house. Benjamin Snyder joked that the bear was a "new pet." Ashley Snyder said the bear may have gotten into the home through the back door, which she said was left unlocked with the screen open. "I feel grateful that I have such a brave and intelligent man to keep us safe by knowing exactly how to handle this ridiculous situation," Snyder said. --- ...See his video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBFH_srdpbQ ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) mathemagician 1+1=2 /\ \ c") ;-/\> || kOs >Teacher arrested - scary implications!! There follows a good summary of the incident and its aftermaths. A public school teacher was arrested today at Brisbane International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Nicola Roxon said she believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. She did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Australian Federal Police with carrying weapons of math instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle." When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister Gillard said, "If Darwin had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." Government aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Prime Minister. --- ...TeeHee! Exactly! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- .+. @ /' \. .: _______ )) ( _:::.__.'_ `:::::: ~ / ,\ .::' :::::' \` \ .'::' :::' ('.\ `-.. :. __::'_______`-.\ ))::._ .'``::::::::: `-'~' `:::' a:f ' >Queen Elizabeth's Riddle ... laugh of the day Barack Obama met with the Queen of England... He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? What tips can you give me?" "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?" Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me." "Yes! Very good," said the Queen. Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, Biden ran into Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, "Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Sarah Palin answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!" Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!" Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!" AND THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE! --- ...LMAO! Oh My! Thanks PatDeE! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ,(\_/) ((((^`\ (((( (6 \ ((((( , \ ,,,_ ((((( /"._ ,`, ((((\\ ,... (((( / `-.-' ))) ;' `"'"'"(((( ( ((( / ((( \ )) | | (( | . ' | )) \ _ ' `\ ,.'Y ( | y;---,-""'"-.\ \/ ) / ./ ) / `\ \ |./ ( ( / /' || \\ //'| jgs || \\ _// || || )) |_/ || \_\ |_/ || `'" \_\ `'" Vacationing in Kentucky, a friend and I spent the night at a small motel outside of Louisville. In the morning, I asked the woman at the desk for directions to Churchill Downs. Not able to tell us, she called her husband from the back room. "Churchill Downs?" he asked. "That's the race-track, isn't it?" We nodded. He hesitated and then said, "I'm pretty sure it's somewhere south of the university. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be much help." At that point his wife left the room. The husband looked over his shoulder to make sure she had disappeared. Then he winked at us, leaned over the counter and whispered, "Take Third Street through town, go past the university and turn right on Central Avenue. After that, just look for the twin spires. You can't miss 'em!" [Thanks to Readers Digest.] -<>- A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a man having two wives, haven't you?" -<>- How about the two old men, one a retired professor of psychology and the other a retired professor of history. Their wives had talked them into a two week stay at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting around on the porch of the hotel watching the sun set. The history professor said to the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?" To which the professor of psychology said, "Yes, I think it's the wicker chairs!" -<>- A little rural town had one of the highest birth rates in the country and this phenomenon attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; moved to town; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such. While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high. "Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up." -<>- Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!" [Thanks to Readers Digest.] -<>- A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!" The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!" The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!" So the guy sits the dog at the piano, and the dog starts playing ragtime, a little swing, some Gershwin. The bartender is amazed and patrons are enjoying the music. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?" The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wants him to be a doctor." -<>- A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those still remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said. "You all get 'A's." -<>- A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?" The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" "Yes." "Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me." "Okay, but, the waiter brings me whatever I order. So I'll take an eight. -<>- I'm surprised that when Bush was President, they hadn't changed the website address for the White House to: DubyaDubyaDubya.white-house.gov ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: __.-.__.-.__ .'\ '-.__.-' /'. / | ,_ | \ / | _/| \_ | \ '-._/ \.-""-./ \_.-' | ( ^ \^ ) | | \ == / | | /'--'\ | jgs | | '._ _.' `""""` >T-shirt Slogans "Filthy, Stinking Rich -- Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" "Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair" "Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time" "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - (seen on an 8 year old) "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up" "Procrastinate Now" "Rehab Is for Quitters" "My Dog Can Lick Anyone" "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?" "Party -- My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt) "ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING" "A hangover is the wrath of grapes" "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!" "They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken" "He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead" "POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ....Cops have nothing to go on." "HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH" "A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS--But it uses up a thou- sand times the memory." -<>- _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| .----. / ( > | /| '--. ( ) ._ / || ]| `-. ) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::| ( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::| `/ `-./ `. || ]| ::| _ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-' / \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'( | |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------, | `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /| | \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / | | | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ | | /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) | \ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( | | | / `---` `===' / ) | / \ / / ( | | '------. |'--------------------'| ) | \ `-| | / | `--...,______| | ( | | | | | ) ,| | | | | ( /|| | | | | )/ `" / \ | | (/ jgs .' /I\ '.| | /) .-'_.'/ \'. | | / ``` `"""` `| .-------------------.|| `"` `"` >Phrases Useful in the Workplace 1. Thank you - we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 5. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't care. 6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and in- experienced. 7. What am I - flypaper for freaks!? 8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 12. Yes, he is an agent of Satan, but his duties are largely ceremonial. 13. No, my powers can only be used for good. 14. How about never? Is never good for you? 15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. 16. Your idea seems reasonable... Time to up my medication. 17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... 19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 20. Who me? I just wander from room to room. 21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys! 22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. 23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. 24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. -<>- \\\/// \(..)/ ( _> ) _/'--/_ /^ _ _ `\ .' / \ ) | \' '// ,, < < | | \ ,, ||, `. \\ . /, \ ,|| =|||===(((==========)))===|||= ||^ /`:----/\ `|| `` ( \ / \ `` | /`^\ | | | | | | / \ | / `| |^ \ | / \ | | | | | / \ | \ gnv .oooO LOoo >Some Thoughts on Exercise My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where she is! I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die health- ier. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Strange Buildings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildings.html Fairy Tale Homes!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fairytale.html Beautiful Bridges 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bridges2.html Amazing Stairways!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stairs.html Disney Tree Of Life!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/disneytree.html Johan's Noah's Ark!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noahsark.html Willis (Sears) Tower!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willist.html Real Fantasy Trees 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees2.html Awesome Tree Houses!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html Expensive Hotel Rooms!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Building Advertising Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html Celebrities Then And Now!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities.html Got A Nanosecond 6?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano6.html Humor In Religion 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion2.html Humor In Politics 13!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics13.html Humorous Boat Names!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boatnames.html Why Trump? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump.html -<>- >Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :) Fun Pages http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559 -<>- >I like the way she thinks... VIDEO: Judge Jeanine Gets FIRED UP Over Trump Saying These 2 Words http://tinyurl.com/zqmm2gj -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Numbers on Fruits - Gone Bananas Can shoppers use numeric codes found on produce stickers to identify how those items were grown? http://www.snopes.com/food/prepare/produce.asp --- ...Most Interesting! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) My first thought about a Winter Waltz in Austria would be some Ice Skaters on an outdoor ice rink with some beautiful snow covered mountains in the background. This video from the Austrian National Tourist Office shows me that there is so much more to do in Austria in the winter than I would have originally thought. Skiing, skating, and sledding are popular activities but I had no idea there was a version of winter golf to played in the snow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Hom1k-ug1sQ Jokke Sommer and friends fly like birds between the mountains, meadows and trees of Hintisberg, Switzerland. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bwMaqfwlER8 I’ve always thought going to see a fortune teller was kind of creepy to begin with but this spooky fortune teller would definitely freak me out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=l61ggeu0OGM Amazing close-up magic by Taiwanese magician Liu Qian, who has earned superstar status for his unbelievable performances. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ASkvqJNNV_w Did you hear that Michael Jordan is selling his gigantic, multimillion-dollar mega-mansion? The auction house has put together this unprecedented tour of the one-of-a-kind palace. What do you think? How much would you bid on the house His Airness built? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lf_w0olusA&feature=player_embedded --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! Reminds me of one we have here... Mind Blowing Homes - Amazing Athlete Homes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes.html -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) I must admit I've never seen anything like this. This is Kalimba http://www.wimp.com/this-is-a-kalimba/ A Fun Experiment That Will Frustrate Your Friends! http://www.ba-bamail.com/content.aspx?emailid=11866 --- ...Cool! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Did Governor Return Illegal Children Who Were Sent to Iowa? Rumors alleging that Iowa Gov.Terry Branstad personally chartered a plane to take 124 illegal children back to Honduras after federal agencies transported them to his state for housing. https://www.truthorfiction.com/iowa-returns-illegals/ Ernie Adams tells us about his 1949 Mercury Dwarf Car in this professionally produced video. See the car's features up close. Learn about the building process. Ernie even takes it for a spin around the block. Enjoy! http://www.varietyvideosllc.com/about2.html --- ...Sweet! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla." -Jim Bishop "My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years." -Paul Merton "I won't say our school was tough, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up." -Lenny Bruce "I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed." -Bruce Lee "When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Pro- testants in whom you don't believe?" -Quentin Crisp "What's on your mind, if you'll forgive the overstatement?" -Fred Allen "No man is an island, but some of us are pretty long penin- sulas." -Ashleigh Brilliant "In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." -Woody Allen "I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder, but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder." -Craig Charles "A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad." - Christopher Case "Talking with a man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like heck, but what's the point." - Gladys Upham "Never put off until tomorrow what can be avoided altogether." - Ann Landers "Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours." - Dennis Miller "My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with the wallet." - Rodney Dangerfield "We've begun to long for the pitter patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet." - Rita Rudner >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************