Smiles For An Early Father's Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friend LouiseAu. It's full of some of the most interesting info on our planet's animals. Be sure to check out the astonishing videos here too: _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ Most Intelligent Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/intelligent.html --- ...Some surprising ones here! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: /'\ / / , c-' / /'-._ ,____,' .-'''-. .-'.// \ '-;-========,"-,' ' ,` /, \_//\ ,/ ( '- *) ) ( ./ ) {,}========'===='- ' , , , \/ ', -muse. _____'-.-`_______________________'-..-'____ s i t b a c k r i d e 'n' r e l a x r e c u m b e n t b i c y c l e s ____________________________________________ There was a young fellow who was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned an old Mustang, if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. His friend said, "Sure." So the young man tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend: "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster, twice if I want you maintain speed, and repeatedly if I want you to slow down." With that, off they went. Things were going pretty well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 mph. The young fellow on the bike was handling the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, a black Corvette came up beside them and before you knew it the fellow driving the Mustang forgot all about the fellow on the bike and took to drag racing the Corvette. A little further down the road sat Officer John in his police cruiser, radar gun at the ready. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 105 mph. He called into headquarters on his radio: "Hey, you guys aren't going to believe this, but there's a Corvette and a Mustang racing out here on Highway 3, and there's a guy on a bike ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!" -<>- A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412. The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little old tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!" Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618. "Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!" As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent. "Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan. The driver replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 11 is National Corn on the Cob Day June 12 is National Jerky Day, National Peanut Butter Cookie Day and Red Rose Day June 13 is National Weed Your Garden Day and Sewing Machine Day June 14 is Flag Day and Monkey Around Day June 15 is National Nature Photography Day, Smile Power Day and Global Wind Day June 16 is Fresh Veggies Day, National Hollerin' Contest Day, World Juggler's Day and TBD Nursing Assistants Day June 17 is Eat Your Vegetables Day and Father's Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .-'"`/\ // /' /\`\ ('//.-'/`-.; \ \ / /-. __.__.___..__._.___.\\ \\----,_ .:{@&#,&#@&,@&#&&,#&@#&@&\\` \-. .-'-. .:{@#@,#@&#,@#&&#,@&#&@&,&@#&&\\, -._,"- \ .{#@#&@#@#&#&@&#@#@&#,@#@#&@&&#@#\ \// = \`=\__ `{#@,@#&@&,@&#@,#@&#@#&@#&@,&#@,#/\/ =`-. -_=__ `:{@#&@&#@&#@&#@,#&&#@&,@#/.' / / "/.-', / `:{@#&,#&@#,@&#&@&,@&#/.-// //-'-_= ",/ jgs `~`~~`~~~`~`~`~~`~( / , /__,___.-" \ \\/ `\\\' >Home-Cooked Meal A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. "The evening was a disaster," he moaned. "Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother. "Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook...." -<>- >Medical Student Due to his hectic schedule, I had seen little of the medical student who had moved next door to me two years earlier. I learned that he had graduated, and one day when I spotted him in his driveway, I went over and congratulated him. "Well," I said, "Now if I break my arm, you'll be able to fix it." He replied, "I've been able to fix your arm for some time. The important thing is that now I can bill for it." -<>- >There Are No Stupid Questions When we were in recruit training, our DI (Drill Instructor) gave new meaning to the "There are no stupid questions" statement. He barked, "There are no stupid questions, however some questions come with pushups." -<>- >Retirement Vacation For their retirement vacation, my mother and father decided to drive through Alaska. Dad, who loves to fish but never had the time, was especially looking forward to breaking in all the gear my brother and I had given him, including the graphite pole that came in its own leather case. After driving for a few days, they found a perfect spot where Mom could read in the shade and Dad could fish. After he had struggled down the bank with all his gear, Mom was surprised to see him lugging it back up a few minutes later. He had just discovered that what he had packed was his leather-encased pool cue. ========================================================= >-->Happy Father's Day Smiles: ,, ,, ,\\//, ,\\//, ,\\\///, ,, ,\\\///, \\\\//// ,\\//, \\\\//// \\\/// ,\\\///, \\\/// ###### \\\\//// ###### ////\\\\ \\\/// ////\\\\ /////\\\\\###### /////\\\\\//////\\\\////\\\\ //////\\\\\\/,///\\\/////\\\\\ //////_?_\\\\(_) //////\\\\\\, .'`---`'. _j_///////\\\\\(_) /.'a a \.'`---`'. |: ^ /.'d\ /b \ \' www |: ^ | '._____.'\' VVV / jgs '._____.' Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? Q: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice? A: a POPsicle! | \ _ / -= (_) =- / \ _\/_ | //o\ _\/_ _____ _ __ __ ____ _ | __/o\\ _ =-=-_-__=_-= _=_=-=_,-'|"'""-|-,_ =- _=-=- -_=-=_,-" | jgs =- =- -=.--" Q: How do fathers exercise on the beach? A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. Q: How do you know your dad is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one. .----------. / .-. .-. \ / | | | | \ \ `-' `-' _/ /\ .--. / | \ | / / / / / | `--' /\ \ /`-------' \ \ Jym Dyer Q: How do you scare a divorced dad? A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! Q: Why don't some fathers have a mid-life crisis? A: They're stuck in adolescence. \|/ AXA \XXX/ `^' Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry? A: Because his dad was in a jam! Q: What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato? A: catch up! ____________ .F............T. | .----------. | | |',' ',' , | | _......_ .''''''''''. | `----------' | _+' `+_ .' '. _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ _/.-. _...._ .-.\_ _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ (_)`-' __[]__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __{}__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __/\__ `-'(_) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' Q: Why are Fathers like parking spaces? A: The good ones are already taken! Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long! \ ,'|`-. / \,' _|_ ',' /'.' | `,' \ -._/_/_'.|,'_\__\_,- | | ,-*." | | ___|,+' /|\`.| | \ \/ | \/`. |___ \ /`.|,'\ / Y. | \/ | `.|_,' | | __ | __\|,- ,-`=--. Ool /=8\ Q: What did daddy spider say to baby spider? A: You spend too much time on the web. Q: What is the definition of Mass Confusion? A: Fathers Day in the ghetto. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, 8 8"b, "Ya 8 8 "b, "Ya 8 aaaaaaa8, "b, "Ya 8 8"b, "Ya "8""""""8 8 8 "b, "Ya 8 8 8 aaaaaaa8, "b, "Ya8 8 8 A 8"b, "Ya "8""""""" 8 8 8 "b, "Ya 8 8 8 aaaaaa88, "b, "Ya8 B 8 8 8"b, "Ya "8""""""" 8 8 8 "b, "Ya 8 8 8aaaaaa8, "b, "Ya8 8 8"b, "Ya "8""""""" 8 8 "b, "Ya 8 8 8, "b, "Ya8 8 "Ya "8""""""" 8 "Ya 8 8 "Ya8 Normand Veilleux 8 """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" Q: What do you call the father you walk all over? A: Stepdad. Father: Let me see your report card. Son: I don't have it. Father: Why not? Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." / `. .' \ .---. < > < > .---. | \ \ - ~ ~ - / / | ~-..-~ ~-..-~ \~~~\.' `./~~~/ \__/ \__/ / .- . \ _._ _.- .-~ ~-. / } \/~~~/ _.-'q }~ / } { ; \__/ {'__, / ( / { / `. ,~~| . . `''''='~~-.__( /_ | /- _ `..-' \\ // / \ =/ ~~--~~{ ./| ~-. `-..__\\_//_.-' { \ +\ \ =\ ( ~ - . _ _ _..---~ | | { } \ \_\ '---.o___,' .o___,' -r.millward- Man: How old is your father? Child: As old as me. Man: How it is possible? Child: He became a father only when I was born. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Student: When my father sees my report card! See More Here http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/fathersdayjokes.html ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb >SMILES One day, Sadie and Rose are talking about men. "I have a question for you," says Rose. "So ask it already," says Sadie. "OK," says Rose. "If I meet a stranger at a party and I think that he's attractive, do you think it's OK to ask him straight away whether he's married?" "No, certainly not," replies Sadie, "you should wait until morning." ---------- One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?" "I know, I know!" a little boy exclaimed, "pantyhose!" ---------- One evening the husband comes home to his apartment, very roughed up. When his wife sees him she asks, "What happened to you?" "I got into a fight with the building manager." "Whatever for?" "He said he had slept with every woman in the complex except one!" The wife replied, "I bet it's that snooty Mrs. Goldsmith on the third floor." ---------- / (%) \O_ \| O_\ /\/ _/\ ejm \ /\ | \ As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. I heard one man say to his wife, "Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist." ---------- A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC" On being asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!" ---------- A priest and a minister are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground. The sign reads: "The End is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now Before It's Too Late!" A car speeds past them, the driver yelling, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" There is the sound of screeching tires followed by a big splash. The priest turns to the minister and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'"? ---------- A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it." ---------- A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around really smart people." ---------- A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out!!!" ---------- Nurse: Doctor, doctor! The man you've just treated collapsed on the front step! What should I do? Doctor: Quick! Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving! --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Cloie :) ____ /\ ____ _ _ -- - -__ -_ /v y \/\/ \ -- --___ _ __--__ -" _ ____\7 \\_^_^/ \ _ -- -_ "-_ / V/ \/ \ ^/\ __ _--,_ / \^\|/ \()^7_ \ ^| /">^/",,\ /"("\"\ /\^ / \^_() 7_\ LX<"<,\ _/"/"|\ )\>_ |^ /\ ()_| 7| / >/ >O-,\" _/"_." _/ / / \"\ ^ \_\ ^" V"O^ V /""_-" ,/" /\ \ ) "-,_ \_\ ' \> _-"/ ( .-/ \ ! ) \ _\"-_"\_ ___ ___ ______ \_\ _ _____ ___ ___ \> _ ___ _-"/_-" / ( | / \ | \ \_- "-_ __ _ _ _ _ _- \_\ -- - - -- \"> -<_"__" / _/| \ \ | /! \ \ -_( _"-<_">-- - -- \_`> _-- _ ___",">-____ _"> ""_" "--"--"-" "-"' "-" '" _ \__"> C"" -_O "O-' '"> __ - - jjs _ __()_ ___"-__"\__ __) - O __ - - " - - () _">--"> _ .-- " - """ """ According to ancient Hawaiian tradition, the quickest way to APPEASE PELE and stop volcanic eruptions is to make a human sacrifice into her fires, and that needs to be a celebrated leader who was born in Hawaii and held a position of power for 8 years. Obama quickly announced he was actually born in Kenya, and has the Birth Certificate to prove it. --- ...LMAO! Thanks Cloie! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: “President Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un will meet for their historic June 12 summit at the Capella Hotel on Sentosa Island in Singapore,” Melissa Quinn reports for the Washington Examiner. “The president and Kim are scheduled to meet at 9 a.m. local time, and in anticipation of the summit, Trump has started receiving daily briefings on Pyongyang’s nuclear and ballistic missile program.” https://tinyurl.com/ycjfgmfg In The Hill, financial expert Liz Peek writes that China’s rising emissions shows how President Trump made the right decision in withdrawing from the Paris Climate Agreement. “Beijing embraces a ‘China First’ view of the world. Thank heavens the U.S. finally has a president who puts his country’s interests first as well,” Peek says. https://tinyurl.com/ybyjeatv Alice Johnson to Trump: 'I Am So Grateful for Everything You’ve Done for Me and My Family' - The Washington Free Beacon https://tinyurl.com/y88pqsnt Total Jobless Claims Running at Lowest Level in 44 Years - Washington Examiner https://tinyurl.com/y9l5kmv7 Trump Signs VA Law to Provide Veterans More Private Health Care Choices - USA Today https://tinyurl.com/yb58k9zc Wayne Allyn Root: “The Trump Miracle” - Townhall “It’s a new day under President Trump. We are free to make money again. We are free to practice capitalism without guilt. The sun is out. The skies are blue. There’s a job in every pot. The Trump Miracle lives,” Wayne Allyn Root writes. https://tinyurl.com/y7tmjuhn WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Move America Forward http://www.moveamericaforward.org/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: A man who wanted to hurt his employer put rat poison in food. 55-year-old Ricky Lee Adami of Fayetteville, North Carolina, was charged with distributing food containing noxious/ deleterious material. The store manager, Gurol Bicer, said that he checked the cheese like he always does and found small black pellets in 3 containers. He checked surveillance videos inside the kitchen and saw his employee remove something from his pocket and sprinkle the contents into the cheese shredder machine. Bicer called the police who arrested Adami and the substance was since identified as rat poison. The manager threw away the cheese and everything else that Adami touched in the kitchen. He also informed the health department of the incident and they checked the restaurant and the kitchen. The health department allowed the business to remain open. The manager said that the checked the security surveillance videos going back one month and he did not find any additional wrongdoing by the suspect. According to Bicer, the suspect and the restaurant owner got into trouble with the work hours prior to the incident. He believes that may have set Adami off and led him to carry out the criminal act. -<>- Two stories popped up recently which make a perfect case for gun control if I ever heard it. The first incident occurred in Colorado. A man in a crowded bar was dancing, and as the crowd cheered him on, the unnamed man did a backflip. Unfortunately, he was carrying a concealed weapon and the firearm fell out of the holster and onto the floor. When he reached to retrieve the firearm, it discharged. A police spokesman said that a bystander in the crowd was hit by the bullet and was taken to a hospital. Meanwhile, in Tennessee a shootout occurred involving two armed men who were caught in the middle of a home invasion. When they were discovered inside the house, they raised their weapons and fired. In the exchange both of the burglars were shot and killed. Now here's the interesting part. The man who dropped his weapon while dancing in a bar and shot an innocent bystander is undercover FBI agent. The man who shot two armed burglars was the homeowner. The homeowner from Tennessee (who did not want to be identified) said that he entered his home with a friend, and to their surprise, found the burglars inside. When the friend ran out of the home the suspects fired several shots in his direction. The homeowner, who was scared for his life, grabbed his own rifle and fired shots towards the suspects. While speaking with reporters, the homeowner apologized to the families of the suspects and said: "A life is the last thing we want to take. I am sorry, but it was them or it was me." Police are investigating the shooting, but for now, said he will likely not face any charges as this appears to be a "justified homicide." No charges have been filed against the FBI agent either, but an investigation is underway. So who would benefit more from a little gun control? *----------------- Bad Monkey! -----------------* A Florida Home Depot worker was repeatedly bitten and scratched by a spider monkey that escaped from its owner's car in the parking lot. The Okeechobee County Sheriff's Office said deputies responded to the Home Depot store Okeechobee on a report of a loose monkey. The sheriff's office said Tina Ballard, the primate's owner, said she left her pet in her truck while she went into the store. The spider monkey, which was wearing a leash, managed to escape from Ballard's vehicle and was spotted in the parking lot by Home Depot workers, including Marilyn Howard. "I reached down and she reached up and grabbed my hand, so gentle, so cute," Howard said she grabbed the monkey's leash and the animal climbed on her back, biting her twice. She said the monkey got off her and she again grabbed its leash, but it became spooked by the store's front door opening. The monkey climbed on Howard again, biting her arm and hand and scratching her face. Howard declined to be treated by paramedics at the scene, but said she would independently go to a doctor to be evaluated. *---------------- Raise the Roof ----------------* A Florida family woke up confused to the sounds of workers tearing the roof off their home -- and they weren't supposed to be there. Pearl Northrup said her family woke up to the loud banging of the roof being removed from the house. "Somebody is banging on my roof," Northrup said. "I thought I was getting a new roof." Northrup called her landlord, Sarah Fritchey, to ask why she wasn't warned about the project, and Fritchey revealed that no such work had been ordered. L.B. Skaggs, owner of roofing company NASTAR, said workers put the wrong address into their GPS. A Michigan man faced a more severe version of a similar situation when a demolition crew mistakenly tore his house down instead of a neighboring home that was slated to be demolished. Police told Mike Anderson, the owner of the incorrectly demolished house, that someone had taken the numbers from the house slated for demolition and nailed them to his home. *----------- That's A Lot of Oysters -----------* A competitive eater slurped down 480 oysters in 8 minutes to win a New Orleans competition and set a new record for the event. Darron Breedon of Orange, Va., bested six other competitors at the World Oyster Eating Championship at the Oyster Festival in New Orleans. Breedon downed 40 dozen oysters -- 480 total -- in eight minutes, leaving the competition in his dust. Defending champion Michelle Lesco of Tucson, Ariz., came in second after consuming 27 dozen in the time allotted. Organizers said Breedon's win was a new record for the event, sponsored by Acme Oyster House. *---------- I've Had Worse Prom Dates ----------* A Pennsylvania teen who took a cardboard cutout of Danny DeVito to her prom saw the favor returned this week when the actor sported a cardboard cutout of her. Allison Cross made headlines last month when she took a life-sized DeVito cutout as her date to the Carlisle High School prom in Pennsylvania. Rob Mcelhenney, one of DeVito's costars on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, posted a photo to Instagram showing DeVito with a cardboard cutout of Cross on the set of the TV series. "Hey Allison -- I heard you took cardboard Danny to prom. What a coincidence. He took cardboard Allison to Paddy's," Mcelhenney wrote. Cross responded to the photo on Twitter, writing: "Thank you SO, SO MUCH for fulfilling my dream of visiting Paddy's Pub from @alwayssunny!" she tweeted. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) . . /:\ . '"-"""-"' ( . . ) .o0 a PEZ head ! \ (_) / \_v_/ /\-----/\ \|-----|/CJ | | | _ | | |_) | | | | | | | | | _ | | |_ | | |_ | | | | | | __ | | / | | /_ | | | | | Pru|_____| '-------' One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass? "We have no food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also." The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. "Thank you for taking all of us with you. The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high." Come on now... you really didn't think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story... did you??? --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================== >-->From TheGroaner: __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ >It's Getting Big, Doc Patient: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor. Doctor: You should diet. Patient: Really? What color? -<>- >To Tell the Truth A lawyer was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?" The client replied that he did. Then lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?" The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win." -<>- >Like A Baby Sam and Greg lived in a retirement center and were sitting on a bench under a tree when Greg turned to the Sam and said, "Sam, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Sam says, "Well, I feel just like a newborn baby." Greg Said, "Really! Like a baby!" To which Sam replied, "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself." -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What's detail? A: De end of de dog. Q: What's the difference between a well-dressed man and a tired dog? A: The man wears a suit and the dog just pants. Q: What do you get when you cross a Bumble Bee with a doorbell? A: A Real Hum-dinger. Q: What does the Gingerbread Man have on his bed? A: Cookie sheets. .---. .--. ___/ \ / `.-"" `-, ; ; / O O \ / `. \ /-' _ J-.__; _.' (" / `. -=: `: `, -=| | F\ i, ; -| | | | || \_J fsc mmm! `mmM Mmm' Q: What time is it when a elephant sits on a fence? A: Time to get a new fence! Q: What do you find in a clean nose? A: Fingerprints! ======================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: .:, ______ , , ) \_ \ /, )___ \ ___/ -. _ - ) \ \ M;) /M) /` ( / | _ ( _ ) , \ \_) , : ) / ( .____ C\ ; \ __ \ \/ ) )/ ) \,___ ___ / ___ __; _ X \, ( /. X. ' XV ,\ \ ./, Xx YXX. :|:,, \`| _ XXXX. ,XXXXA \ , ., \/ /\ZXXXXZSxcSZXXXXSt \.i :,.. / /,,jSXXXXV 'XXXSXf, \ :\ .: , / \ |i .,__- .,;;,:ittII+. .:+++iii, / _ __ +RBBBB\ )WBBBR+ / _ ) .;;iii. ,;;,:ittII+,M( ., \ +RBBBBVBBBBBR+ |. / ::;t;;yii ::;t;;iii. .,:;;,+..,.| \ VBBBBBBBBBBR+ \ __\_.,;, lfr. itVtIII :i; \ ,| XNBBBBRZRXBR( \/ , +x , +;;t:Yit ., _/__ / WKBBBBRXZSRBRi ,..,:::;. .. \/ AWNBBRSYEXYZXRa .IMNSRXYZSRBBBBBRi On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die." -<>- One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?" His father told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party." This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?" The man had always given my son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other." He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime. Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?" -<>- Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a strip- tease in front of an old John Deere tractor. Butt clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?" "Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something s%xy to a tractor." -<>- At Sunday school they were teaching how God created every- thing, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm gonna have a wife!" -<>- Two old men went hunting one day. A hang glider came soaring overhead and the first old man raised his gun and fired. After a brief pause the second old man asked "Did you get it, whatever it was?" The first old man replied "No, I think I missed it. But I sure as heck made it turn loose that poor fella it was carrying away!" -<>- When my 14-year-old son, Patrick, stepped up to the plate during a Colt League baseball game, the young announcer declared, "Now batting, the right fielder, number 12, Pathogen!" After some confusion in the stands, the announcer came back on over the loudspeaker. "Sorry folks, that's PAT Hogan!" ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: _....._ .--. _.-' `-._ o/o-;;; ( `-._ _.-' ) (_, z) `:-._'---'_.-:' ,,,, _|-' / : `'''`_,-/`-._ /.. ) /\`--/"\ : [_./_ /_ _(_& _P / \_/, | : :`-/(_`_____ _\-'_/___/ /| : _.-: 8 \=__))____/ | : |'_.-: \_ | / F : | : : //`7/ / / : | :.-: (( (( L_______/ : |o : /_>/_> / Y / : |_.-': / / / : : J J J (`'-._____,-'`) | | | | | | | | | | _J__J__J (_ _) (__(_____) cjr'-..___..-' 2may01 Here's a joke I told me dad on Father's Day... A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see." Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?" Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair." Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair." Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went." My dad thought that joke was really funny. It also remind- ed him to bug me about getting a haircut. -<>- Patient: "Doctor, Doctor, I think I am a dog." Doctor: "Lie down on the couch." Patient: "I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture." -<>- ,-----------------------. \\\||/// . AS YOU SEE IN THIS TEST . |' ,- -| ' I AM NOT THE FATHER.. ' | ( .).) `-----------------------' | _) / o ' .___| ____.' \ o \ \/ ,---. ___ \ ,' ,-`--'-. ,-. // \\,' `. \ ,' / \ . // \// | | \ ___,-._____ || || / /' |'| |%| `.|,---------.| || || = /===| | |:| || NOT THE || || || /_/ / \ |:| || FATHER || || || /:/ /88888\ |:| |`---------'| ||______|| (:/ _(8888888)_`-'_________|___________|_ // \\ |_____________________________________| \) (/ ) | | | | | , | (,) | | | | | | | 8 | | | | | | | 8 | | | | | | | 8 | | | | | | | J8L | | | | < __>__> J888L | | | | |____)___) _8_ |_| |_| lf >Only A Southerner Knows * Only a Southerner knows how many collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." * Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." * Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly." * All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. * Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. * Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. * No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. * A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. * A Southerner knows that when you say "crack" the window you mean open the window up (in the house) or roll it down (in the car). * In the South, 'y'all' is singular....'all y'all" is plural. * And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say "Bless her heart" and go your own way. -<>- /:""| .@@@@@, |: 66|_ @@@@@@@@, C _) aa`@@@@@@ \ ._| (_ ?@@@@ ) / =' @@@@" /`\\ \(``` || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~". || |#| / | || | .:. | || |#| \ | || A | /6 6\ | || |#| / | || |~|_|_\ e /_|_ .@@@@, :| |=: / | |\ |_|)___`"`___(8 aa`@@@, ||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~| = `@@@ \)))|| | ((( | \_________/ )_/`@' |~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \| / || @ | | `\ / ()/___\() | || @ |_________| ( || ||~~~~~|| /~|| "` |_________| | || || || /__W_\ | || | || || || ||| |_||__ __|_|| ||_____|| _||| jgs (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----|| ((___) >Strange and Funny Signs On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business." Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in." On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." On a Plumbers truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?" At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive." At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up. In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." At a Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills." At a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Brutus The Bear http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/brutus.html Stepan The Bear http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stepan.html Real Three Bears http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bears.html Kids With Dads http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithdads.html Al Capone's Car http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/alcaponescar.html Stainless VS Gold http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stainlesscar.html What Your GPS Won't Show You http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html Leopard Vs Crocodile http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html Highway To Hell http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dirt.html Mule Vs Lion http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html Dangerous Critters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dangerouscritters.html Real Angry Birds http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angrybirds.html Fun With Nature http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html Giant Catfish http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giantcfish.html Great White Shark http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html Only In Australia http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html World's Best Dad! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wbdad.html Hero! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hero.html Full Moms and Dads Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/momsanddadsindex.html -<>- >Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon: https://tinyurl.com/y76636qt -<>- Every State's Favorite '90s Kids Cartoon From iheartradio, take a break from doing The Macarena and tear the tags off your Beanie Babies because it's time to head back to the 1990s. The decade was great for many things but one in particular was the animated shows that aired then. From Animaniacs to Dragon Ball Z, the 90s had something for everyone when it came to cartoons. Now, we know exactly which 90s cartoon is each state's favorite. https://tinyurl.com/y79w6sp8 PAPER DOLL HEAVEN Create virtual "dolls" of your favorite famous and infamous people, and then give them a unique makeover of your choosing. http://www.paperdollheaven.com/ Why We Should All Re-watch 'Big' On Its 30th Anniversary Wanna feel like a kid again? Give the Tom Hank's classic 'Big' another look on its 30th anniversary. https://tinyurl.com/y7m85fm4 Bird Bowling! https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=M5eX4ymRiBo Sharks Love To Be Petted - They're Like Dogs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4AI6T0-isc Wild Whale Rushes To Save Diver From Giant Shark https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rufhXkzdwdI -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A beautiful look at wildlife and outdoor scenery in Peru from filmmakers Jacob and Katie Schwarz. I know many people are taking vacations to Peru to see this natural beauty and such sights as Machu Picchu and the Inca salt pans. The soundtrack for the video is “Eyes Wide Open” by Tony Anderson. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1La4QzGeaaQ Amazing flexibilty, elegance and grace. A video clip from a performance on the Chinese television channel CCTV. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aePsteMUvo --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! Navy Seal on how to survive a knife attack https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fo59X0E0U7U --- ...Oh My! Thanks LouiseAu! Here's the real thing... Official US Navy SEAL Training Footage, where SCARS Began! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6NzO2LRyj0 More In depth training https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vigbajSa9nk ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "People have been selling fake parking spaces. They charge people to park in spots that they have no ownership of. Here's a tip to avoid becoming a victim of this fraud. If you find a parking space during the festival, it's a scam." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep." -Seth Meyers "In the United Kingdom, a baby's first word was 'Alexa.' The baby's next words were 'Find me new parents.'" -Conan O'Brien "A new study claims that women tend to let handsome men off the hook for things more easily, which is why I'm constantly apologizing." -Seth Meyers "According to a new survey that just came out, the issue most on the minds of college students is whether they'll be able to find a job when they graduate. Experts say it's silly for college students to worry about whether or not they'll be able to find a job because the answer is no." -Conan O'Brien "A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. It's a little different than having a human cooking staff. Instead of finding a hair in your food, you'll find a USB cable." -James Corden "Beachgoers in Florida have been warned about deadly flesh- eating bacteria in the water. Of course, if you're even in Florida, you've already ignored a few warnings." -Seth Meyers "Experts say that because of higher gas prices, fewer families will travel this weekend. That's a shame. I can't imagine growing up without an 18-hour ride through the desert with my father who's too cheap to turn the air conditioning on." -Jimmy Kimmel "According to a new study, 88 percent of Facebook users have admitted to spending some time looking at their exs profile. While the other 12 percent have admitted to spending ALL of their time looking at their ex's profile." -Jimmy Fallon "The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it." --Joan Rivers "A desk is a dangerous place from which to watch the world." --John le Carre "A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water." --Carl Reiner "Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office." - Adrienne E. Gusoff >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************