Smiles For Easter And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friend Linda. It is one sure to give you plenty of smiles and meet your aww quota for the day. Take a moment and check this out along with its cute video here... _ \`*-. ) _`-. . : `. . : _ ' \ ; *` _. `*-._ `-.-' `-. ; ` `. :. . \ . \ . : .-' . ' `+.; ; ' : : ' | ; ;-. ; ' : :`-: _.`* ; [bug] .*' / .*' ; .*`- +' `*' `*-* `*-* `*-*' Pam Pam The Kitty http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pampam.html --- ...Aww, How adorable! Thank You Linda! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 .d88 8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888 8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo 8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8 8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8 8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88 8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888 8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888 8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888 8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888 8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888 8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888 8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888 8 d8888888888 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888 d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888 d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888 d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888 dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b A man walked into a computer info sending and receiving center and said, “I want to send my mom the perfect Mother’s Day gift message. I want to send a message that will let her know just what kind of love and appreciation I have for her.” The clerk said, “Nice idea; do you have something specific in mind or would you like one of the associates to help you write a special message?” “Oh no, after all those years of taking care of me, all the advice and help she’s given me since I’ve been out on my own, never a week going by without her telling me just how to deal with every situation I’ve ever had to face, I know the perfect gift to tell her just how I feel about her, and I’d like to make sure it is sent to all five of her business computers, as well as her personal home computer and her laptop.” “We can surely help you with that,” the clerk replied. “What is the message you’d like to send?” “The 'I Love You' Virus!” -<>- . .:::. .:::::::. V^V^V^V^V^V (| ^ ^ |) | (_) | `//=\\' (((())) )))(( (()))) ))(( (() )) ( jgs >Double Meanings Of Words 1. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. 2. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. 3. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 4. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. 5. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. 6. The batteries were given out free of charge. 7. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. 8. A will is a dead giveaway. 9. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. 10. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 11. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. 12. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 13. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under. 14. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 15. When you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall. 16. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 17. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 18. If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory. 19. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. 20. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. 21. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. 22. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 23. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 24. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. 26. Acupuncture: a jab well done. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 6 is California Poppy Day, National Tartan Day, New Beer's Eve, Plan Your Epitaph Day, Sorry Charlie Day and Teflon Day April 7 is Caramel Popcorn Day, International Beaver Day, National Beer Day, No Housework Day and World Health Day April 8 is Passover, All is Ours Day, Draw a Picture of a Bird Day Zoo Lover's Day April 9 is Name Yourself Day and Winston Churchill Day April 10 is Good Friday, Golfer's Day, National Siblings Day and Safety Pin Day April 11 is Eight Track Tape Day, Barbershop Quartet Day and National Submarine Day April 12 is Easter Sunday, Big Wind Day, Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day, National Licorice Day, Russian Cosmonaut Day and Walk on Your Wild Side Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: _.--._ \ ** / (<>) . ) ( . )\_.._/ /\ \_.._/( (*_<>_ _<>_*) )/ '' \ \/ / '' \( ' ) ( ' ( ) ) ( (<>) / ** \ /.-..-.\ >EASTER DEEP THOUGHTS ~ Easter is when everybody dresses up for Jesus' big coming out party. ~ Have you ever wondered, since eggs become so much more appealing to kids when you color them and hide them, if that would also work for broccoli? ~ Pastors work extra hard on their Easter sermons. After all, on Easter, nobody wants to lay an egg. ~ When I was a kid I really hated wearing a suit on Easter Sunday. I always thought it was hard to praise the Lord when you felt like a mannequin. ~ Have you ever noticed on Easter how husbands tend to hide the Cadbury Creme Eggs where only they can find them? ~ Our son is hard to please. He likes those candy Easter eggs, but he wants them scrambled. ~ Today's money-saving Easter tip: Make the kid's plastic Easter basket grass yourself — just run a trash bag through the pasta maker. ~ The Easter Bunny must be a teenager. Who else would think it's cool to leave eggs in shoes? ~ Did you ever wonder why we always leave cookies and milk out for Santa Claus, but we never leave a salad out for the Easter Bunny? ~ Sunday is Easter, a time to celebrate new life with maybe a new outfit, an Easter egg hunt, or just a prayer of thanksgiving and a warm feeling. And I know somehow, somewhere, before the day is over, I'm gonna consume an entire chocolate bunny. ========================================================= |\ /| |\ /| | \ / | |\\ //| | | | | | \| |/ | \ | | / \ || || / \ |_| / \||_||/ .' '. .' '. | | |o o| / \ /= Y =\ `'-. .-'` `'-.^.-'` _| |_ _| |_ /` `\ /` `\ | / \ | | | |/ \| | ( ) | / \ /\ \ / /\ | .-~-. | | '._)_.' | \ { } / \ / jgs \ '-=-' / \ '.___.' / .--' ;---; '--. .--' \---/ '--. `-------' '-------` `-------' '-------` >-->SMILES For Easter :) Q: What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite kind of music? A: Hip-hop! Q: What did one Easter egg say to the other? A: “Heard any good yolks today?” Q: Where does the Easter Bunny eat breakfast? A: IHOP. ,`. ,'` | _.-. ,` | ,',' / : | ,',' ; \ : / / / \ `.' ( ,' ,'' _ `. ,' (o_) `\ . (,.) _.-- : -..`/( .-'_..- `| .-'\,`. `-._ ; `._ /__ ,':)-.._ _.(:::`. |'\ / /`:::| ,' \ : : : `:| / : | | | \ : | | : :..---.: | | ; ,`._`-.|_ `. | |' ,'._ `. `. |_\ | : /`-. `. `. `. : : \ : __ `. `. `. \ ; \ \ |. / `. \ \ / |\ `..: `. __ \ \ / ' ` .:::::\ `. / \ \,' .::::::::::-..'_..-' SSt Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke? A: It might crack up! Q: What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? A: They lived hoppily ever after. One Easter, a father was teaching his son to drive when out of nowhere a rabbit jumped on the road. Slamming on the breaks, the son said, "I nearly ruined Easter! I almost ran over the Easter Bunny." His father replied, "It's okay son—you missed it by a hare." Q: What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? A: 14 carrot gold. .-._.-. / V \ | | | | | | | | | | | | ) ( | (@) (@) | |> O <| | _/|\_ | )\ _`-'_ /( | { `-' } | | {_.-._} | |' o `| | o | | | o | | | |_ o _| | (___ \' __) | .'\/|/. | | |())()| | | |=====| | |/|=|=|=|\| | `=====' | | | | |.--.|.--.| (____X____) VK Q: How does the Easter Bunny stay fit? A: Eggs-ercise! Knock, knock! Who's there? Alma. Alma who? Alma Easter candy is gone. Can I have some more? Q: What do you call a mischievous egg? A: A practical yolker. Q: Why was the Easter Bunny upset? A: He was having a bad hare day. |_| /| | / |_~ /| |\| |_~ /~_ /~_ (~ ~|~ |~) /| | | /~| |/ |__ /~| | | |__ \_| \_| _) | |~\ /~| (~ |~) |_~ /~' | /| | |_~ /| (~ ~|~ |_~ |~) | _) |~ |__ \_, | /~| |__ |__ /~| _) | |__ |~\ . _________,---------.____------.___ /_______ `--._______ `--.____ \\ /__.-' `-----.____ `--._____,`_/_ ,' `---.___ ___// `-. / _.----,, `---' \ ,;~~;, _| / \ .' ~ | ;;;;;;;; /'/ / | ' /| | | '''' | | | | _/'__ ,`, __ | |||||||||| \ \_ ` ,/ `'~ _\-_____, `~~~'~ _\ _/ | '''''' | \\||/ ~'~ `---(__________,' (___________,'---' \|||/ \,;;;;,/ \||/ \|/ ~~~~ dcau I was going to tell you a joke about an egg … … but it's not all it's cracked up to be. Q: What did the Easter Bunny say to the carrot? A: It’s been nice gnawing you. Q: What do you call a line of rabbits jumping backwards? A: A receding hare-line. ___ ___ /::_\._./_::\ _={::(_>[_]<_)::}=_ _~ ^--~/:i:\~--^ ~_ .d^ /:/ \:\ ^b. .d^ (;/ \;) ^b. i| ,___ |i ii / /^\ ,___ q&&&p ii ii \__), ^^ _, \ *+*+*+* ii |i / @ @ \\_/ x=X=X=X=x i| || { -.x.- } pXoXoXoXq || /=============================\ { \\\\\\\\\\\\\\i////////////// } \ - x - x - x - x - x - x - x / | / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / | |x - x - x - x - x - x - x -| | \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ | |- x - x - x - x - x - x - x| | / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / | -keely- \ - x - x - x - x - x - x / ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Q: Where does the Easter Bunny study medicine? A: Johns Hopkins Q: Why won't Easter eggs go out at night? A: They don't want to get beat up! Q: Where does the Easter Bunny go when he needs a new tail? A: To a re-tail store! .--. .' ', .'.*.*.*.*', / \ / \ Y Y |.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*| |.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*| Y Y \ / \ / tms `.*.*.*.*..' `..__..' Q: Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? A: She said there was a hare in her soup. Q: What happened to the Easter Bunny when he misbehaved at school? A: He was eggspelled! Q: How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur looking good? A: With a hare brush! .-''-. .' `. ./\/\/\/\/\' '############' :. .' '*`-._ _.-'*: ' * `-' * . `._________.' ______( )_________________________ \__ __/ .-----. kOs \ \ / \`.___.'================. _/ \_ '-._.-'----------------' (_______) \ Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? A: Bugs Bunny! Q: What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite dance? A: The bunny hop! A parishioner was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed the parishioner by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" The parishioner replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service." .". / | / / / ," .-------.--- / "._ __.-/ o. o\ " ( Y ) ) / / ( / Y .-" | / _ \ \ / `. ". ) /' ) Y )( / /(,/ ,| / ) ( | / / " \_ (__ (__ [nabis] "-._,)--._,) Q: How does the Easter Bunny dry off? A: With a hare dryer Q: What do you call a mischievous Easter egg? A: A practical yolker Q: Why was the Easter Bunny arrested? A: For hare-assment *** ** ** ** ** ** ** **** ** ** ** **** ** ** * ** ** ** * * ** *** ** ** * * ** ** * ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** * * * * * 0 0 * * / @ \ * * \__/ \__/ * * W * ** ** ***** Unknown Q: What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket? A: Two points, just like everyone else! Q: Why did the Easter Bunny have to fire the duck? A: Because he kept quacking the eggs! Q: What is the Easter Bunny's favorite sport? A: Basket-ball __ / \`\ __ | \ `\ /`/ \ \_/`\ \-"-/` /\ \ | | \ | (d b) \_/ / \ ,".|.'.\_/.'.|.", / /\' _|_ '/\ \ | / '-`"`-' \ | | | | | | \ \ / / | jgs \ \ \ / / / `"`\ : /'"` `""`""` Q: What do you call a sleepy Easter egg? A: Eggs-austed Q: What do the Easter Bunny and Michael Jordan have in common? A: They're both famous for stuffing baskets Q: How do you make Easter easier? A: Replace the "t" with an "i" _ _ / \ / \ { } { } { { } } \ \ / / \ Y / .-"`"`"-. ,` `. / \ / \ { ;"";, } { /";`'`,; } \{ ;`,'`;. / { }`""` } /} { } { // cyd {||} { / `"' `"' Q: Why are bunnies the luckiest animals? A: Because they each have four rabbits' feet! Easter egg hunts prove that your child can find something when they want to. Q: How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur in place? A: With hare spray _\_. ._/_ .\' ```-`\| |/'-''' `/. .\' \| |/ `/. \.\' \||/ `/./ .' ._._ || _._. `. ./ ./' | || | `\. \. /' .'\ \ / /\ \ / /`. `\ /| /| \ \/ /..\ \/ / |\ |\ /| / /' .\||/. `\ \ |\ /| /` .'.---. .---.`. '\ |\ '/-/|--|-/' / / \ / \ \ `\-|--|\-\` | / \/ \ | | `. ._()()_. .' | _\_\| `._\. ./_.' |/_/_ \_\` \__/ '/_/ \` ____ o /\ o ____ '/ = .'`. o o / \ o o .'`. = '/ | `._____..' `.._____.' | \` -/ \ / \- '/- \ .. / -\` '/ _.\ `' /._ \` Brainchild '//-'' \ || / ``-\\` \____/\____/ Q: How can you tell which rabbits are oldest in a group? A: Just look for the gray hares Q: What did the Easter Bunny say about the Easter parade? A: It was eggs-cellent! Knock, knock! Who’s there? Police. Police who? Police hurry up and decorate your eggs. __ .. | | .................... | ..................... : |_| _ _ _ |_ _ |_ _ ,__ : : | | / | | \ | \ / | | / | /\ | / ) | ` : : | | \_|_|_/_|_/_\_| ___ |__ \_|_/ /_|_\/_/| : : | | |.'()o`. : : | | .|O o _()`. : : /_) o (_) o \ : : /o () o_ O(_\ : : .--._O o (_) O _.--. : : /`--._`-.O () o.-'_.--'\ : : .-=-. `-.\.==./.-' _| : : .' \_ ~-') (`-~ .-~-. : : __.| p )_\ _.--/`=='\--._ _/ `. : :_.-'' /--'()o/ | `.O /_( q |.__ : <`' ..._ <' \O o/ | `o/ \ ``-._: `._ .-' `. | `o/ |\ ` `> _... `^> ; `. .-' / / .-. |o\ ___:.| .' `~. _,' :\ `~~' _.' /,' `-`.|-'\ | \ `-. ,' ;: :.`"..."'% _ ..................\|.......`. `~~' /.: \__ |`. _ 7`"..."' /`. ,'| __/ ,'\ hjw ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _ / \ / _ \ | / \ | || || _______ || || |\ \ || || ||\ \ || || || \ | || || || \__/ || || || || \\_/ \_/ \_// / _ _ \ / \ | O O | | \ ___ / | / \ \_/ / \ / ----- | --\ \ | \__/|\__/ \ | \ |_|_| / \_____ _____/ \ / | | unknwon >SMILES The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ---------- Two terrorists are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures. "Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too." ....There's a pause... The second terrorist says, wistfully, "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?" ---------- After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, my Uncle Joe was hired by a warehouse. But one day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Uncle Joe's wages to pay for the repairs. "How much will it cost?" asked my uncle. "About $4,500," said the owner. "What a relief!" exclaimed Uncle Joe. "I've finally got job security!" ---------- A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?" The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor." ---------- Two middle-aged men were talking and one said to the other, "Tony, you're having an anniversary soon, right?" Tony replied, "Yup, a big one... 20 years of marriage." "Wow," said the first man, "what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary? It's got to be something pretty special" Tony replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia." "Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the first man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?" "Go over and fetch her back." ----------- Mrs. Cohen came home from her Sisterhood meeting at the synagogue. She was very excited, and explained to her husband that the guest at the meeting had been a wonderful hypnotist. Mr. Cohen then mentioned that attendance was down at the Saturday services. Maybe they should hire the hypnotist to bring in a crowd. He talked it over with the rabbi, who thought it was a terrific idea. After lots of publicizing, the synagogue was filled for the Sabbath service. The hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. As the crowd observed, mesmerized, the hypnotist began: "Vatch the vatch. Vatch the vatch. Vatch the vatch." The congregants carefully observed, their eyes following the sway of the watch. "Vatch the vatch," the hypnotist continued. Then, accidentally, the watch fell out of his hand. "Oh crap!" He cried . . . . Took them three weeks to clean up the synagogue. ---------- A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it." ---------- HUNCHBACK'S WIFE: I'm getting worried about that back of yours. It looks really awful. Perhaps you should see a doctor. Eventually, after a lot of persuasion the Hunchback goes to the doctor. DOCTOR: I want you to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes jacket then stops) HUNCHBACK: I don't like getting undressed. DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his vest on.) HUNCHBACK: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at me. DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not? ( Very reluctantly the hunchback removes his vest. DOCTOR: How long is it since you were at school? HUNCHBACK: Over 30 years. Why? DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder what happened to your backpack? ---------- Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car. "I'm not busy now," he replied. "Bring it right in." A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease pit. "Wow!" remarked Wayne. "That's great driving. Your wheels only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the pit!" She looked blankly at him and asked, "What pit?" ---------- A man is trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him. The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a squirrel. The squirrel looks at the man and says, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?" --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 __________________________________________/ ------------------------------------------| | | |~~~~~~~~~~| | | | | *| *|Bless this|* |* | | |_____|_____| ~Home~ |______|______|____| Paper towels are a go-to in many households for a variety of cleaning jobs. Too many cleaning jobs, really. A fact that has been highlighted now that so many people have stocked up on paper towels that they have become hard to find! But really, paper towels are not the best thing to use for many cleaning purposes. For best results save the paper and try a sponge or microfiber cloth when you're tackling these cleaning projects. * Electronic screens Keep paper towels far away from your TV screen, laptop, and even your cell phone. The fibers can cause permanent etching of the screen. Instead, use a gentle cleaning product and microfiber cloth designed specifically for these surfaces. It's also important to not apply too much pressure when cleaning these screens, because it may cause damage to the crystals inside an LCD. * Mirrors and windows When cleaning windows and mirrors, use microfiber cloths - a favorite of professional cleaners - instead of paper towels. Microfiber cloths work just as well (if not better) and they're reusable. If you don't have cloth, newspaper or even a paper bag will also work. And the best part: None of them leave lint behind the way a paper towel can. * Eyeglasses Raw paper can be hard enough to scratch your lenses, and it will leave lint. Instead, always use microfiber cloths as it cuts the oils that cause smudges and wipes them away. * Car interiors Avoid using paper towels when cleaning the car. Again, microfiber is ideal as it removes the dust versus moving it around. A dry paper towel never seems to fully remove the dust and applying a cleaning product leaves a sticky residue that attracts more dust! The grooves in microfiber capture and remove the mess. -<>- Although thinning hair may seem more prominent in men, women are nearly as likely to have this problem. Most women notice it in their 50s or 60s, but it can happen at any age, even during teenage years, and for a variety of reasons. There are a wide range of conditions that can bring on this condition, some of the most common being pregnancy, thyroid disorders and anemia. Or it can be as simple as too much stress. Whatever the reason, if your hair isn't as thick and bouncy as you would like it there are a few, simple fixes you can try at home that do not involve doctors or drugs. * Peppermint Mint's menthol tightens hair at the root, propping it off of the scalp for a fuller mane. One study found it's just as effective in regrowing hair as Minoxidil. To use: steep mint tea bags in 2 cups of boiling water. Let cool and pour on hair. Rinse after 10 minutes. * Argan oil Hair-nourishing fatty acids in the oil plump the diameter of strands so they appear instantly thicker - plus, they strengthen locks to thwart the breakage that makes hair look thinner. To use: rub a pea-size amount of the oil from mid-shaft to end of damp or dry hair. * Vinegar rinse A dry scalp can result in hair that appears dull and life- less. To remedy, try rinsing hair and scalp with apple cider vinegar. The vinegar balances the scalp's pH levels to alleviate dryness, so locks look more lustrous. To use: mix 1/4 cup of apple cider vinegar, 1 cup of water and 1 Tbs of aloe vera gel (as an emollient). Pour onto damp hair and let sit 5 minutes before rinsing. * Make your haircut last twice as long When not properly moisturized, the outer layer of hair's cuticle wears away, leading to split ends that send us to the stylist much sooner that we would like. All it takes to stretch the time between trims by weeks - saving hundreds of dollars a year - is a weekly deep-conditioning treatment made with avocado oil. Its vitamin E, fats and proteins nourish, repair and hydrate hair to stave off breakage. After applying to damp hair, cover with a warm towel. Heat opens hair's cuticle to the active ingredients penetrate better. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Trump announced that FEMA has airlifted medical supplies and PPE from across the globe. Since last Sunday, cargo planes have delivered almost 300 million gloves, 3 million gowns and 8 million masks, among other medical supplies, to the states. Since Saturday, FEMA has delivered 500 ventilators to New Jersey. An additional 200 ventilators were delivered to Lousianna, 300 to Michigan, 600 will be going to Illinois and 100 ventilators have been delivered to Massachusetts. Washington state has returned 400 ventilators to the federal government to be deployed elsewhere in the country, as the state no longer needs them due to the decrease in both new coronavirus cases and hospitalizations. This is a great sign in the fight against COVID-19. https://tinyurl.com/tv8jh2k Updated guidelines: 30 days to slow the spread! https://tinyurl.com/uhpooy5 CDC Coronavirus site: Has all the links for business, child care, faith etc https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html Trump Administration Moving Swiftly to Address Ventilator Shortages -USA Today “In a page taken out of the World War II playbook, the Ford Motor Co., with General Electric, is racing to produce an additional 50,000 new ventilators in 100 days at a converted auto plant in Michigan,” writes Peter Navarro, Director of the White House Office of Trade and Manufacturing Policy. https://tinyurl.com/qobe3mq Team USA: 50 Companies Join Trump's War on Coronavirus -Washington Examiner https://tinyurl.com/ueamoz8 Coronavirus Disease 2019 vs. the Flu https://tinyurl.com/swhkz7k Vermont police trooper uses 3D printer to make coronavirus face shields for doctors, nurses - A state police trooper in Vermont used his personal 3D printer to make dozens of face shields to help protect local medical staff working during the coronavirus health crisis. | Fox News https://fxn.ws/3bWqLi6 CNN’s Attempt to Cover Up Joe Biden’s S Scandal https://tinyurl.com/sbkh8km John Durham forges ahead with investigation of Trump-Russia probe origins despite coronavirus pandemic https://tinyurl.com/vsy2yla California providing millions of dollars for illegal alien business owners https://tinyurl.com/vx5vb6a ‘Lost the credibility’: WHO faces mounting backlash for running interference for China https://tinyurl.com/uoagloy “Social media has given people at home a small glimpse into the lives of nurses and doctors during this time. Many health care workers have showed the world what they’re doing when they’re not working: They’re praying,” Caitlin O’Kane writes for CBS News. https://tinyurl.com/rn55ejy LGBT Lobby Attacks Rev. Franklin Graham for Christian Outreach in New York - Samaritan’s Purse has erected a 68-bed field hospital in Central Park staffed by 60 to 70 medical professionals to care for patients battling COVID-19. https://tinyurl.com/vhxftgz The Together Apart campaign, plus Lara's press briefing double standards https://tinyurl.com/suykz4p Westwing News: Help for America’s Small Businesses and Their Workers https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Furniture, Toys http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Imagine you're crazy and you think the government is out to get you. Not a huge leap of the imagination in this day and age. Now imagine a global pandemic hits; at least what the government SAYS is a global pandemic, and all of a sudden a huge government "hospital ship", so-called, comes sailing into the harbor in your home town. How do you let everybody know about the conspiracy and destroy this exigent threat disguised as a mission of mercy? Well, if you're a train engineer in charge of a 300,000 pound locomotive you would do what this maniac did. A train engineer at the Port of Los Angeles was arrested for allegedly derailing a locomotive at full speed near the USNS Mercy hospital ship being used to ease hospital beds during the coronavirus pandemic. According to a complaint filed in Los Angeles federal court, 44-year-old Eduardo Moreno ran the train off the tracks before crashing through a series of barriers, ultimately coming to rest more than 250 yards from the Mercy. His goal was to ram the ship with the locomotive, and considering how ridiculous it is to sink a ship with a train, 250 yards is a pretty good try. According to a CHP officer who witnessed the crash, the train smashed through a concrete barrier at the end of the track, through a second steel barrier, a chain-link fence, then slid through a parking lot, another empty gravel lot, and finally into a second chain-link fence. Moreno later stated in an interview with FBI agents that he did it out of the desire to "wake people up." According to the affidavit. "Moreno stated that he thought that the U.S.N.S. Mercy was suspicious and did not believe 'the ship is what they say it's for.'" "You only get this chance once," Moreno stated. "The whole world is watching. I had to. People don't know what's going on here. Now they will." Moreno was charged with one federal count of train wrecking, which carries a potential sentence of up to 20 years -<>- If there is one thing we know about human nature it's that love will always find a way. Even during a global pandemic. One New York man who noticed a young woman dancing by herself on a neighboring rooftop decided he had to meet her. But he wasn't about to take any risks during coronavirus crisis. Brooklyn photographer, Jeremy Cohen, 28, gained notoriety after he shared a video on social media of him flying a drone with his phone number attached to the woman, named Tori, while self-isolating. Cohen explained in an earlier video how he first noticed the woman from his apartment when she was seen dancing on a nearby rooftop, and decided to put his time in quarantine to good use by asking her out in a very novel way. An hour later, Tori texted Cohen her response. 'I can't believe this actually worked and yes this is a real story,' Cohen wrote on Twitter. In the days since, Cohen reported that Tori and he had gone on a first 'date', revealing that they arranged to have a socially-distant dinner, with him sitting on his balcony while Tori set up her meal on the rooftop where he first saw her. After a successful dinner date, Cohen said he planned to 'take this relationship to the next level' - a step that would once again require some clever thinking on his part. Cohen messaged Tori and asked her to meet him out- side her apartment for their first official in-person date - to which she quickly agreed. What Tori could not have guessed was that Cohen would be wearing an enormous inflatable bubble to ensure that the two of them remained socially distant even while hanging out together. The pair then go on a walk together through their neighbor- hood when a cop stops them. But it turns out the police officer recognized Cohen's story from the news and just wanted a selfie. Of the date Cohen wrote: 'Just because we have to social distance, doesn't mean we have to be socially distant. *--- Man teaching dog how to drive arrested ---* A Washington man was arrested following a high-speed chase that left officers dumbfounded after they found the man's pit bull behind the wheel. The incident unfolded Sunday afternoon after police received calls about a driver hitting two vehicles in an area south of Seattle and then speeding away, state trooper Heather Axtman reported. Axtman said that as officers gave chase, they got close to the vehicle and were shocked to see a pit bull in the driver's seat and a man steering and pushing the gas pedal from the passenger side. The pursuit ended after police deployed spike strips and arrested 51-year-old Alberto Tito Alejandro. "When we took him into custody... he admitted to our troopers that he was trying to teach his dog to drive," Axtman said. The female pit bull, which was not aggressive toward the arresting officers, had been placed in an animal shelter. *--- Police respond to empty comedy club ---* A British comedy club said about 20 police officers responded to the facility to shut-down a live show that actually took place more than two weeks earlier. The owners of the Hot Water Comedy Club in Liverpool, England, said a Facebook Live show featuring comedian Paul Smith hosting a selection of clips from when the club was still open led a concerned viewer to contact police and report the club for violating bans on large gatherings amid the coronavirus pandemic. "I was really surprised. The first we heard about it was when we got a call from the convenience store next door, saying a full police squad had turned up at the club," Paul Blair, one of the club's owners said. "I looked at our CCTV and saw about 20 police officers outside," he said. The club shared CCTV footage showing the confused officers gathered outside the empty club. "I think it was a waste of their time, but I don't think whoever called them did it deliberately, I think it was just a misunderstanding," Blair said. *- When juggling a regular sword isn't dangerous enough -* An Idaho man broke a Guinness World Record that he said was perfect for social distancing: most catches in 30 seconds with a fire sword. David Rush, who has broken more than 100 Guinness World Records to promote STEM education, took to the middle of the cul-de-sac across his street and flipped the flaming sword 57 times in 30 seconds, beating the previous record of 28. Rush said his neighbors came out of their houses to watch while maintaining a safe distance both due to coronavirus social distancing protocols and the fact that he was throwing a flaming sword into the air. The record-breaking enthusiast broke the record for most fire sword catches in one minute in summer of 2019, but his previous attempt for the 30-second version of the record was disqualified by Guinness for unknown reasons. *--- Ohio alligator comes out of the closet ---* Police in Ohio said they were investigating a reported robbery at a home when they made an unexpected discovery -- an alligator in a closet. Columbus Police said they were called to an east side home on a report of a gun being pulled during an argument over the return of Xbox gaming console. The department said officers were collecting evidence and conducting interviews at the home when they found the alligator in the closet. The Ohio Department of Agriculture was called in to take custody of the 2-year-old animal. Investigators said it is legal to own an alligator in Ohio with the proper permits, but the home's resident did not have the required paperwork. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ______________________________________________________ __________|___________,_______________________________ __________|__________//,______________________________ __________|__________\|/;..___________________________ __________|___________\\//\,._________________________ __________|___________/ '\/_________________________ __________|__________/,* _ |_________________________ __________|_________( ) ( ) (_________________________ __________|__________\( " \________________________ __________|____________) \\______________________ __________|___________( \\\___________________ __________|____________\ ( \\ \\\_________________ __________|____________(\ \\ \\ \\\_______________ __________|_____________\\ \\ \\ \\\_____________ __________|______________\\ \\ \\ \\____________ __________|_______________\\ \\ \\ \\___________ __________|________________\-\ \\\ \\\\___________ __________|_________________\ /\_ \\\ \\___________ __________|__________________(( \-___- \\\__________ __________|___________________\ \_______ \\\_________ __________|____________________\ \_______ \\\________ __________|_____________________\ \________\\\_______ __________|______________________\ \________\\\______ __________|_______________________\ \________\\______ __________|________________________(--)_______________ __________|___________________________________________ __________|___________________________________________ bni >A Man Goes Into A Pet Store... A man goes into a pet store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any dogs that go cheap?" The salesman says, "No, we have birds that go cheep. Our dogs go BARK!" -<>- >I'm A Sports Car A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night I dreamed I was an Lamborghini. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?" "Relax," says the shrink, "You're just having an auto-body experience." -<>- >Reason Unable To Work The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook." -<>- __..----..__ __..--"" ""--..__ : : | | | .-""-. | | : : | | |______| | | | | | _:__________| |__________:_ .' `. /I_.' I'-..-''-..-''-..-''-..-''-..-'I '-.I\ //|____/|______________________________|\____i\\ //.____/ / | | | | | | | | ! \____.\\ //.____/ / | | !_! !_! | | \ \____.\\ //.____/ / | | | | \ \____.\\ //.____/ / | | | | \ \____.\\ //.____/ / | | | | \ \____.\\ //.____/ / !_! !_! \ \____.\\ '/.____/ / \ \____.\' [._____]/ \[_____.] |______| |______| fsc >Q and A Quickies Q: How is a drama teacher like an obsolete form of public transportation? A: They are both stage coaches. Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is using a feather... kinky is using the whole chicken! Q: How do you make a bandstand? A: Take away their chairs. Q: What is a fish's favorite game show? A: Name that Tuna. Q: Why wouldn't the oyster share its pearl? A: It was a shellfish! _____ .-" .-. "-. _/ '=(0.0)=' \_ /` .='|m|'=. `\ \________________ / .--.__///`'-,__~\\\\~` / /6|__\// a (__)-\\\\ \ \/--`(( ._\ ,))) / \\ ))\ -==- (O)( / )\((((\ . /))))) / _.' / __(`~~~~`)__ //"\\,-'-"` `~~~~\\~~`"-. // /`" ` `\ // jgs Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards? A: He was sitting on the deck! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .__ _..._ /,-./'.--. ``\. /|/.--./`.o/ /`;\\ |||\ _ `-'_` o|/|| ||\\`.`.__`Y8P_,\|| \\|| `"\"""/---'|| \\| ,-' `.||// \(-'_ `. ,-' [_] .-. \ ; `\| ||-'/ ` \ \ /`""-.`\ | ; | `.-|\_/ | ; ' | \-._ / | | / |`--'| : ;_\_ /| |/ /\|, ) __..; `----' :`.`|/ / / | | ; .' `\' ; \/ : _ : : / / : : _.'`.__.' | fsc \ _.' \ / | | / `---.._ | `\ `.____ \ / | `------' \__|_,' It just dawned on me why Mayberry from 'The Andy Griffith Show' was so peaceful and quiet ....nobody was married! Here are the single people that come to mind. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T. Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara... in fact, the only one who was married was Otis, and he was the town drunk. -<>- On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jew who was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it's a great school, and completely secular. After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, "By the way Dad, do you know what Trinity means? It means the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost." The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, "Danny, I'm going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God... and we don't believe in him!" -<>- A priest had the weight of the world on his shoulders and was showing the effects. The church sent him to a psychiatrist, who ordered him to take a week off. So the priest left his religious paraphernalia behind him and went to a neighboring city. He got himself a nice room and went to the hotel bar to relax with a couple stiff drinks. A waitress in a short skirt and low-cut uniform came over and asked, "What'll it be, Father?" The priest felt to see if he was still wearing his collar by mistake, but he had none on. "How did you know I'm a priest?" he asked. The waitress said, "I'm Sister Mary Margaret. We go to the same psychiatrist!" -<>- This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way. He said, "Up until Last week, I still had it all! All my meals were prepared for me, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed, pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV, internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could still go to school." I asked him, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?" "No, nothing like that," he said. "I got out of prison." -<>- My wife and I were going through a rough patch financially, but we kept ourselves sane by repeating, "As long as we have each other, we don't need anything else." But when the television in our bedroom broke and we couldn't afford to repair or replace it, my wife lost it. "That's just great!" she shouted. "Now there's no entertain- ment in our bedroom at all!" -<>- A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what they had learned. Susie said, "He was born in a manger." Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple." Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it." Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?" "From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'" ========================================================= >-->From TheJokester: >Comebacks To "Why Aren't You Married Yet?" __________ \ //////////\\ ______________________ ////////// \\\ | | | /// __ __ \\\ | | | /|| | | ||\ | | | \_ (__) _/ | | | \ ///\\\ / | | | ____/\________/\____ | | | _____/` \ \ / /.'`\__________| | |__ /`.`. `\ \_/ /` .`` \ |_ | _| /. ' / `\_/_\_/`.'`\.`' \ (__) | (__) /` . /' .` _| |_ `. '.\` .`\ (__) | (__) _/. ` /`` . /_____\.' . '\. `'\_____(__) | (__)__ \` `.\. `.(__ \______/.'` > | | | __\` .`\' .(__ |.`' ' '` .`/______|__________|___________|__ \`. `\'`(______|__________/ | @ | \____\`.|~~~~~|.' . .| \_________________/ /_ _ _\_|_____|______| /______|__|_______\ ____\ \ \ \\__[__]_______|____________/ |__ /\_\_\_\ \ / / / ___/ / |_________/ / /___ / ___ / ___ / JRO | | | 1. You haven't asked yet. 2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. 3. Because I just love hearing this question. 4. Just lucky, I guess. 5. It gives my mother something to live for. 6. My fiancée is awaiting his/her parole. 7. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America. 8. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon? 9. I'm waiting until I get to be your age. 10. It didn't seem worth a blood test. 11. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. 12. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating. 13. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses. 14. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. 15. They just opened a great singles bar on my block. 16. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness. 17. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals. 18. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? 19. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. 20. Why aren't you thin? 21. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation. 22. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant. -<>- "The Wall Street Journal reports that two million Americans got married because of someone they met online. The bad news, four million got divorced because of somebody they met online." --Jay Leno -<>- >The Ladies at Lunch Jill: So how long did you stay married the first time? Mary: Oh, we didn't even make it to one year. Jill: What a shame! Mary: Yeah, well, I didn't want to get too involved. -<>- (\ \\ \\ \\ <*****> \\ .=^=. .""". .=^=. \\ //```\\(/a a\)//```\\ \\{{ ( L ) }} \\{ _ __ \ = / }} \\/@.---,/'-'\,---. }} /(&\ |`-._/\_.-'| \ }} (@ \&\| || |\ \}} {{ \ |___o()o___| > )} {{ `|__((<>))__|` .'}} {{ \ o\/o /`` }} {{ ,'\ || /\', }} {{.' \ || / | '.}} /'.||.' / / // / ( /( / jgs / / \ \ / / \ \ ___/ _/ __\ _\ (______) (______) >Guardian Angel A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where were you when I got married?" ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: ____ ____ '###\ \ / /###' ,\\\\\ | /////, __ \ .--. .--. / __ ___\/ ' | ' \/___ -- _, ! | ! ,_ -- / '! | !' \ /'/ ! | ! \'\ 1# ! \ 0|0 / ! #1 !# \ '--; ;--' / #! ` `\ `-' /` ` \## `--~' '~--` ##/ `-___________-` [Mash] >Groaner: The Third Man Harry Lime is best remembered by his portrayal by Orson Wells in "The Third Man." During World War II, a British agent actually was known by the code name, Harry Lime. This Harry Lime was very near-sighted and wore thick glasses. His assignment behind Nazi lines as a German Officer would have been impossible if the Americans had not invented a new form of lens forbthe myopic. These contact lens were undergoing clinical trials at the Walter Reed Naval Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland. Arrangements were made to transport Harry secretly to Bethesda by submarine to be fitted with contact lens. Harry was a womanizer and had an old flame in nearby Washington. Afraid that Harry would use this opportunity to take an unauthorized vacation, it was decided to give him very explicit orders. Therefore, just before leaving for the ship, he was called to his control's office where he was given this direct order, "You are to go directly from the sub, Lime, to the Reed oculist." (By Spider Robinson) -<>- >More obscene-ness Once there was a mad scientist who worked by himself in his laboratory. He was so lonely that one day, he decided to clone himself. Everything worked perfectly, except that the clone had a very foul mouth. The scientist worked with the clone, but alas, he could not make the clone clean up his language. He got so tired of the clone's language that one day he pushed him off the end of a cliff. A policeman rushed up to him, and yelled "You are under arrest! You are under arrest!" "What for?" the mad scientist asked. And the policeman's answer was: For making an obscene clone fall. -<>- >Good Reason for Change Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all." -<>- .___ dWWb | |~| MM & | '.' qp -' | ( .,______ | ( ,. |(____|.\ | ( -."& | | \ | | __)____\ )/-'\ | | | | |\._______|_(X___| '.-' ./' | (_./ | _|____|____|_______.-' .-'/ | | | ||___________|________.-' \ | | |\ |______|______ |_____.-'--' | | | O---/_______|____o-/______ | |_| | -_-.##_______|_____##____g3_#.-_- |__\_\ (_) O--O--O (_) >Mystery Solved! There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 A. M., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 A. M. on Sundays. So a Worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 A.M., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, The part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner. -<>- >Good Speller A customer called the airline's reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card. The reservation specialist asked him, "Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?" The customer carefully replied, "V-I-S-A." -<>- >Not Lost "I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it." -<>- ; ; ~~`~~ ; ~`~ ~~`~~`~ `~` ~~`~~ `~~~`~~~~ `~`~` , ~~`~~`~ ~`~~~`~ `~`~`"_/O\""\ ~`~~`~~`~~~ ~~~`~~~`~ ~|`~_ |[|##| `~~`~~~`~ ~~~|~~~` '_--...__ ~`~|~\_~\_ __/??) | _- _- _ _ | |/ .'( ) | _- _- _ | / -\ __`/\ \ |_- _- ?_ - _____/ /--'(^,__ /\ \ //\ _ /' \ | | \ \ ||\\_- _- _ \....( / ;;;___;;; /||~~`~~ || \\ | | _/ ||~~~`~~~ - \\ \\ |=| /_( ||~~`~~~` _ \\_ \\_ , (__| _ ~~~~`~~~_- _- _ _- _- _ - <`_\ __; _- _ ~~~`~~ _ - _ - (_ __) _ ~~;~~ -_ _- _- _ < / < \ _- _ - _- _ TS Two goober hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two goobers decided to try it. A little while later one said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck...." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Koalas Up Close! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas3.html Dubai Miracle Garden!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/miraclegarden.htm Birth Of An Island!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/island.html Beautiful Rare Flowers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rareflowers.html Old US Cities!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uscities.html eleMMent Palazzo Mobile RV!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv2.html Parenting No No's 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting3.html Nap Time!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/naptime.html Forever Hollywood 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hollywood2.html Most Expensive Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/expensivecars.html Holland Parade Of Flowers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerparade.html Easter Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easterindex.html -<>- Jim Caviezel Says Mel Gibson’s ‘Passion of the Christ’ Sequel Will Be ‘Biggest Film in World History’ It’s been nearly 16 years since “The Passion of the Christ” hit theaters. Most of Mel Gibson’s Hollywood friends told him he shouldn’t self-finance the 2004 global sensation, but thankfully he ignored them and delivered us the best cinematic depiction of Jesus Christ ever made. And now we finally have some excellent news about Mel Gibson’s “Passion of the Christ” sequel. https://tinyurl.com/skpyn5o -<>- >From our Friend Linda :) List of pest-repelling plants https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_pest-repelling_plants --- ...Great Info! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Absolutely stunning views of Germany from above. What a beautiful country! https://youtu.be/gmX94dXNwPE A mama bear decides to swim across a lake in Canada with her two cubs and it almost turns into a disaster. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQVJLFEfwIE Sit back and relax as you take in some Amazing Places On Our Planet filmed during 2019. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5hA2qo2EFc --- ...Wowsers! Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend PatDeE :) This is a clip of a younger Glen Campbell playing the William Tell Overture (with the back-up of a symphony orchestra) and dedicating it to Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels. Excellent guitar playing, the sounds of the orchestra as well as taking you back to those days of yesteryear. Hi Oh Silver! https://www.youtube.com/embed/GUBhE00h9U0?feature=player_detailpage Brooklyn in the era of the Dodgers Somebody did a lot of work to put this together http://www.screanews.us/NewYork/BrooklynOld.htm --- ...Great Time! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Special people deserve special wishes. And this one goes to you! May your days be bursting with everything good so you will never stop being the wonderful person that you are. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5mBO2HrSes&feature=player_embedded --- ...Awww, thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Stop the Chase: How New Technology Can Prevent Deadly Police Pursuit http://tinyurl.com/j2uf6sp Hebrew: A Revived Language For A Restored People http://prophecynewswatch.com/article.cfm?recent_news_id=229 Hillary Says Unborn Children Have No Constitutional Rights https://tinyurl.com/r28g44y --- ...Thanks Melody! YET - The Unborn Victims of Violence Act of 2004 (Public Law 108-212) is a United States law which recognizes a child in utero as a legal victim, if they are injured or killed during the commission of any of over 60 listed federal crimes of violence. The law defines "child in utero" as "a member of the species Homo sapiens, at any stage of development, who is carried in the womb" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unborn_Victims_of_Violence_Act Sounds like a person with Constitutional Rights to me! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Language-teaching app Duolingo recently added Klingon to its course selection. By the way, if you have the Duolingo app on your phone and you use it to learn Klingon, you can delete Tinder." -Conan O'Brien "There was some exciting science news today, researchers say they discovered a new human organ they are calling the interstitium. It's a layer underneath the skin and they believe it's the largest organ in the human body. But the discovery of the interstitium is very exciting. It allows someone like me to say, "I'm not overweight, I'm just big- interstitiumed.'" -James Corden "A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door." -Seth Meyers "A balloon released by a girl in Texas was found this week over 900 miles away in Ohio. Or, more likely, Ohio also has red balloons." -Seth Meyers "Chipotle is considering opening a new restaurant that specializes in hamburgers. After what their burritos did, Chipotle now wants to ruin a new set of buns." -Jimmy Fallon "A Florida man went to court for the right to marry his laptop computer. He said his laptop is just like a wife because whenever he brings it into bed, it freezes." -Conan O'Brien "It just came out that Pope Francis said that there is no such thing as hell. And then he got stuck in Boarding Group C on Spirit Airlines and said, 'Never mind, I found it.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Baby names based on the characters from the 'Star Wars' movies are becoming very popular. I feel like if you're naming your baby after a science fiction movie character, maybe you're not ready to have a baby." -Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************