Smiles For Valentine's Day And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This red hot new page is from our friends Linda and Geniann. If you are wondering where you might go this summer on vacation, this series has lots of excellent places for you to choose from. I think I'd choose the Bahama's Atlantis resort but then again, I love India's fort and Jordan's Petra. Oh and Paris and Australia have always been top on my list too! Hard choices! Be sure to check this one out here... ,| / ; / \ : ,'( |( `.\ : \ `\ \. \ `. | `. \ `-._ ; \ \ ``-.'.. _ `._ `. `-. ```-...__ .'`. --.. ``-..____ ,'.-'`,_-._ (((( -->From SmileZilla: _________________ /_________________\ |====#=#=#=#=#====| _________________________________________| | / |_____________ | /________________________________________________________\ | | [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] | | :==============================================================:| | [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] || |--------------------------------------------------------------|| | [+] [+]:[+]:[+]:[+]:[+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] || | ::::::::::::: || | [+] [+]:[+]:[+]:[+]:[+] [+] ( ) [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] || | :::::::::::( ) ( ) || ()[+] ()]:[():[():[( ) ) [( | )+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] [+] || ( ) ( ):( ))( )( )( | ) ) ( ) () ( ) ( ))| ( )( ))( )( ( ) ( ) ) | ( )( )( )( )[+] [+]( ( )) ( )) ( )( ( )( )( ( ) ( | ) )( ) )( ) )---:::::( ) ) ============================= | ( ) ( ) ) ( ) ::::::( ) -----------------------------===================================== - _ -- __ - --__ _ - _ _ - ------------------------------------- _ -- _ -- --_ -- _ - __ | -- __ -- - _ -- --- _ __ -- - -- _ --- __ - _-- | --_ - __ -- ___ -- _ - __ - - _ _ _ -- __ -- - - _ - | - _ - _ -- _ --- _ -- _ --- bni >Engineering Phrases (And what they really mean) Customer satisfaction is believed to be assured. (We're so far behind schedule that the customer will settle for anything.) Please see me / Let's discuss it. (I need your help. I've messed up again.) The project is in process. (It's so tied up in red tape that it's completely hopeless.) We're trying a number of different approaches. (We're still guessing, at this point.) Close project coordination. (We met together and had coffee.) Years of development. (It finally worked.) Energy saving. (Turn off the power to save electricity.) We'll have to abandon the entire concept. (The only person who understood the thing just quit.) We had a major technological breakthrough. (It's boring, but it looks high tech.) We're preparing a report with a fresh approach. (We just hired a couple of kids out of college.) Preliminary operational tests proved inconclusive. (It blew up when we flipped the switch.) Test results proved extremely gratifying. (Yea! It actually worked.) Tell us what you are thinking. (We'll listen, but if it disagrees with what we've already done or are planning to do, forget it.) No maintenance. (If it breaks, we can't fix it.) Low maintenance. (If it breaks, we're not likely able to fix it.) All new. (None of the parts are interchangeable with the previous design.) Rugged. (Needs major equipment to lift it.) Robust. (More than rugged.) Light weight. (A little less than rugged.) Fax it to me. (I'm too lazy to write it down.) ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 11 is Clean out Your Computer Day, Don't Cry over Spilled Milk Day, Make a Friend Day, National Inventors Day and White T-Shirt Day February 12 is Abraham Lincoln's Birthday, National Lost Penny Day and Plum Pudding Day February 13 is Get a Different Name Day February 14 is Ferris Wheel Day, National Organ Donor Day and Valentine's Day February 15 is Candlemas - on the Julian Calendar, National Gum Drop Day, Singles Awareness Day and Susan B Anthony Day February 16 is Do a Grouch a Favor Day February 17 is Random Acts of Kindness Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb >The Qualities of Men and Women WOMEN Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call" from a friend after a snowy drive home. Women have special qualities about them. They volunteer for good causes. They are pink ladies in hospitals. They bring food to shut-ins. They are child care workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes and your neighbors. They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They are in the front row at PTA meetings. They vote for the person that will do the best job for family issues. They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools and for getting their family the right health care. They write to the editor, their congressmen and to the "powers that be" for things that make for a better life. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They stick a love note in their lover's lunch box. They do without new shoes so their children can have them. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think that there is no strength left. A woman's touch can cure any ailment. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with. MEN Men are good at lifting heavy stuff. -<>- >Math Question Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?" The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99". The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02". The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!". Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?" Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely." The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it". Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system". Medical Student : "4" All others looking astonished : "How did you know?" Medical Student : "I memorized it." -<>- >Towels When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her." "You're darn right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had .... you know the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation!" -<>- >Baby Wrap Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" "Yes," I replied, "That is a good analogy." "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?" -<>- >Tastes Like Chicken A man is caught sitting at a make-shift campfire by a forest ranger, and to the ranger's horror, the man is eating a bald eagle. The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trail, the conversation went something like this: JUDGE: "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?" MAN: "Yes I do. But if you let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened." JUDGE: "Proceed." MAN: "I got lost in the woods. I hadn't had anything to eat for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish. I knew that if I followed the Eagle I could maybe steal the fish. I caught up with the eagle who lighted upon a tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the eagle hoping he would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off, and the rock hit the eagle squarely on his poor little head, and killed it. I thought long and hard about what had happened, but figured that since I killed it I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground." JUDGE: "The court will take a recess while I consider your testimony." (15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.) JUDGE: "Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges." The Judge then leans over the bench and whispers: "If you don't mind my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?" MAN: "Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is somewhere between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl." ========================================================= .-. .-. / < >-`'`'`-< > \ _' | | , ____ `-.' `.-' .-. '| | | | | / |/ \ / | \/ / 6 6 \ \ / |/\| |/|/|/ \_|\_/ \_|, .-. .oo. .-. | .-o-. | (|||)< /| ( >|==|< ) | ._|_. | / \ /| \| `-' |==| `-' `. _ .' `-' |_____ ,_ _ `==' .'`-.______.-'` `. | \ /_\ | | | / | , .' `. |_/ \__, | | |/\_|/ / \ /| / | | \ \| | _/ __ __ \_ | | | | _/(_.::::..::::._)\_ | , ___, | _ ,_ |_ ' ,_ _ \ \::::::::::/ / \ / / | | /_\ | \ | | | \ /_\ `. /::::::::::\ .' \/ \_|/|_/\__/| |/|_/|/| |/\__, ,oOo. / `---'`.::::::::.'`---' \ .oOo. ,-. oOOOo | `.::::.' | oOOOo __ \ / `OoO' \ (%`::'%) / `OoO' \ >(|||) | /\ \%%%%/ /%. | _/ / \ | _.'%%`. |%%| .'%%'\_ v | /\ | `-' <|/%`%%%%%`._ (%%) _.'%%%%%'%\(>o<) |/.') o (X) |-.%%%%<%%/ /%%\ \%%%<%%%-'\ ^ |`-' Vv_|'%|%%%%%%%%( /%%%%\ )%%%%%%%%`|. | ,Vv\|//|vW,V!!/vVyVv,,vVVv,Ww,||,,vVhjwVv!!V|vV\|/ hjw >-->Valentine's Day SMILES :) Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day? A: I'm stuck on you! Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A: A stamp. Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? A: Because it's all heart. .--. .--. : _ \/ _ : _\/ \ 6 6 / \__\ ' / \'--'/ \__/_ /\ /\ \ / \/ \ \ / jgs _\ /_ (__\ /__) Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts. Q: What did one volcano say to the other? A: I lava you. /######\ /##########\ / \###/ \ / \#/ \ /\| |/\ | | \ ==\ /== / | | \| \<|>\ /<|>/ |/ /| \__ | - \ - | /#| \#\ | | | /###| \##\ | \| | /#####| \###\ | _______ | /######| \####\ | / \/ \/ \|/#######| |######\| |#########| |########\______/##########| |#########\ /##########/ |##########\ |#########/\ /###########\/########/###\ /################\######/########\ /##################\###/###########\ /###################\#/##############\ /####################/#################\ /###################/####################\ VICKY WILKS Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called? A: His ghoul-friend. Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune? A: Because it couldn't get a date. Q: What happens when you fall in love with a french chef? A: You get buttered up. ) ( ( ) ( ) ( ) ) ( ) ( /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ jgs (_K_) (_I_) (_S_) (_S_) (_E_) (_S_) Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? A: Ughs and kisses! Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow? A: Because he wanted sweet dreams. Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet? A: I find you very attractive. .---. .--. ___/ \ / `.-"" `-, ; ; / O O \ / `. \ /-' _ J-.__; _.' (" / `. -=: `: `, -=| | F\ i, ; -| | | | || \_J fsc mmm! `mmM Mmm' Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? A: I love you a ton! Q: What did one pickle say to the other? A: You mean a great dill to me. Q: What do you call a very small Valentine? A: A Valentiny! Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch? A: You turn me on. _ _ ( \/ ) .---. \ / .-"-. / 6_6 \/ / 4 4 \ \_ (__\ \_ v _/ // \\ // \\ (( )) (( )) =======""===""========""===""======= jgs ||| ||| | | Q: What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day? A: Let me call you Tweet heart! Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? A: You're purrr-fect for me! Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? |\ /| |\ /| | \ / | |\\ //| | | | | | \| |/ | \ | | / \ || || / \ |_| / \||_||/ .' '. .' '. | | |o o| / \ /= Y =\ `'-. .-'` `'-.^.-'` _| |_ _| |_ /` `\ /` `\ | / \ | | | |/ \| | ( ) | / \ /\ \ / /\ | .-~-. | | '._)_.' | \ { } / \ / jgs \ '-=-' / \ '.___.' / .--' ;---; '--. .--' \---/ '--. `-------' '-------` `-------' '-------` Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? A: Somebunny loves you! Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Olive. ...Olive who? A: Olive you! .-""""--. _ _ / ) ( \/ ) / --"` \ / _ _ / _`:____ \/ ( \/ ) | .-' `\ \ / \ / .----'./ \/ \ : ,-' ~(.).)\ _ _ \_| \ ._) | ( \/ ) _ _ / | \.__, / \ / ( \/ ) _.--' )`///-,-' _ _ \/ \ / / / _| (_\\ ( \/ ) \/ | (____/____) \ / \ ___/ | _ \/ `---( ` ) `-, .' (__.'._/'._/ |`| | __/ / / // | `--. || /_____) jgs `=---` Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Sherwood. ...Sherwood who? A: Sherwood like to be your Valentine! Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Pooch. ...Pooch who? A: Pooch your arms around me! Q: Knock Knock. ...Who's there? ...Atlas. ...Atlas who? A: Atlas, it's Valentine's Day! ,@@@@@@, ,@@@@@""@@, ( _ _ , @@@@@ 6.6\@ :\ ( \/ ) {{^\@@@C _-_)@ : \ \ / {{:\\@@@) (@@' : \ \/ (\/) {{::\\ / \---.:.__\_ \/ \`::\( , \---:---._) `"`"; \ \|_.-;====I======{> | \ _.-': / (\/) | `"/ : / \/ // \/ : / \\_ \ :/ \ \ | ( ) ) ) / / / jgs / / /_ (_(____) Q: Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration? A: Because you can really party hearty! More Here: http://www.primarygames.com/holidays/valentines/jokes.php ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .-"""-. .-"""-. / `..' \ | | | H A P P Y | \ VALENTINE'S / __\ D A Y ! / _ / |`\ /' | \ \/_/ `\ /' \_\| / __ `\ /' \/_/__\ `\/' .--='/~\ ____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}} -,-----,--\--,-----,---,\'-' {{~}} jgs __/\_ '--=.\}/ /_/ |\\ \/ >SMILES On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under-ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match." ---------- The mine operator called the nearby state prison and asked them to send over a safecracker to open his jammed safe. Soon a convict showed up, spun the dials, listened intently, and calmly opened the safe door. "Well," said the mine operator, "what do you think I owe you?" The prisoner said, "Uh, the last time I opened a safe, I got $25,000." ---------- A lady had just finished taking a CPR course, and was on the lookout for a chance to try it out. As she left the shopping center, she saw a man lying on the floor with a lot of people around him. Screaming, "I know CPR!", she ran to the person, threw her bag down, loosened all tight clothing and got ready to start mouth-to-mouth. At this stage, a huge policeman tapped her on the shoulder and asked, "Do you mind, ma'am? I'm trying to arrest this man." ---------- I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." ---------- An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh... all by myself?" ---------- A man went to see his Rabbi. He stated in a very serious tone, "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked, "How can that be?" The man then pleaded, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then said, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi called the man and said, "Well, I met with your wife. We talked for three hours." The man anxiously replied, "Yes." "You want my advise?" Again the man anxiously replied, "Yes." "Take the poison," said the Rabbi. ---------- Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle." ------- A minister in a little church announced: "Before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin's hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!" The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave. ---------- In a shop that sold religious items was a display of baseball caps with "WWJD" printed on them. Customer: "WWJD? What does that mean?" Clerk: "WWJD stands for 'What Would Jesus Do' " Customer: "Well, I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't pay $23.95 for one of these baseball caps." ---------- It was rush hour, and when the bus finally arrived, it was packed. I tried to force my way on, but no one would budge, although there was ample room in the back. Then the bus driver took over. "Excuse me, Ladies and Gentlemen," he shouted. "Will all the beautiful, smart people please move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly stupid people stay up front?" I boarded the bus. ---------- I ain't saying the customer service at my bank is bad, but the other day when I went to the bank and asked the teller to check my balance, she leaned in and pushed me over. ---------- A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." ---------- A fat lady is lying on the beach. A lifeguard approaches her and says, "Excuse me ma'am, could you please leave the beach?" The obese lady replies, "Why? What's wrong?" "Well you see," says the lifeguard, "it's getting pretty late, and the tide wants to come in!" --- ...Oh My! LMAO! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- .' \ .' . .' ...'.` ___.-. .' ...'.' _.---' `..' ...'.' __.---' .' ...'.' .--' .' ...'.'. /` .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `-. / .' ...'.' `. / ` _.-.' ...' `-._____.-' / / .' ...' /` /.'. ...' / .' .`.' \ / .' ...' | \ / /\ .' ...' \ | / / .' ...' / \ | /_/ .' ...' / | | |' `._..' .-------.__________.' .' .'---- .' | | | .' .... | | .' ...'| \ __.' | ___ / \...' \_`------------------._____ ___.---' / .-' | | \__/ `--.__ _.-' /.-' \__/ `------' ' >Letter to My Boss: I have enjoyed working here these past several years. You have paid me very well (about triple what the average American makes) and given me benefits beyond belief. I have 3-4 months off per year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die and then pay my estate one year salary death bonus and then continue to pay my spouse my salary with increases until she or he dies, oh, and a health plan that most people can only dream of having. Despite this, I plan to take the next 12-18 months to find a new position. During this time I will show up for work when it is convenient for me. In addition, I fully expect to draw my full salary and all the other perks associated with my current job. Oh yes, if my search for this new job proves fruitless, I will be coming back with no loss in pay or status. Before you say anything, remember that you have no choice in this matter. I can, and I will do this. Sincerely, Every Senator or Congressman running for re-election Are we stupid or what? --- ...HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! Hey, they write the bills and make the laws so what can we expect? Notice too that many of the Democrat House and Senators are running for president and have started campaigning now? Geesh! Hard enough to get them off of sitting on their hands and actually working, now they'll be off trying to rake in as much money as they can at their endless fund raising events - all for themselves no less - why we foot the bill paying them for not working! -<>- ___ ___ ___ ___ ___.---------------. .'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__,` . ____ ___ \ |\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ _:\ |:. \ \___ \ \\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\__\'\_`.__| `. \ \___ \ \\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __: \ \\'\__\'\__\'\__\ \__\'\_;-----------------` hh \\/ \/ \/ \/ \/ : | \|______________________;________________| >THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE! 1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. 2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. 3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. 4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less. 5. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy? 6. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you? 7. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. 8. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other? 9. Money talks. Chocolate sings. 10. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. 11. Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit. 12. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. 13. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. --- ...LOL! Great ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: _....._ ';-.--';' }===={ _.---.._ .' '. ';-..--'; /:: \ `}===={ |:: : ' '. \::. _.---_ \ '::_ _`---..-'; | ````` }====={ / .' '. _.' /:: \ ` |:: | \::. / jgs '::_ _.' `````` Buying a product at a discounted price with a coupon is better than paying full-price - but if coupon clipping leads you to make purchases you wouldn't normally make, it's money wasted, not money saved. Only use coupons if they apply to your normal and needed purchase items. Otherwise, skip the coupon and skip the purchase altogether. -<>- Hang towels on bars and robes on hooks Your towels need to properly air-dry in order to be able to reuse them two to three times. Make sure they're properly hung to dry. If you're a bathrobe person, a dedicated hook for it in the bathroom will make your space feel a little more like a hotel room. -<>- Have you ever tried the kitchen towel cutting board trick? I have seen my mom use this trick countless times when I was younger as she prepped dinner for us. Before chopping or dicing whatever was needed for dinner, she would wet a kitchen towel with a little bit of water, wring it out, and place it underneath the cutting board. This helped keep the cutting board from moving around the counter while she cut up the veggies. -<>- Ripening Hard Avocados No one wants to eat a hard avocado. According to some famous chefs you can get an avocado to be soft and rip in less than 20 minutes. Just wrap the hard avocados in tin foil, place them in the oven at 200 degrees for 20 minutes and they become soft and ripe. -<>- 'Go Green' Hint: Any toilet manufactured before 1992 uses at least 3.5 gallons per flush. Modern low-flow toilets use less than 1.28 gallons, saving 60% of the water. A new toilet may cost a few hundred bucks, but it will save you several thousand dollars in water consumption over its lifetime. -<>- Freeze as Flat as Possible Freeze things flat and stack them, it doesn't matter whether it's soups, stews, or ground meat. The flatter and wider you can get them, the faster they'll freeze and defrost. When freezing raw meat, soups, and stews, if you have a vacuum sealer, use it! Otherwise, place foods in heavy-duty freezer bags, squeeze out all the air, lay the bag flat, and use your hands to work the contents into as flat and even a shape as possible. When freezing vegetables, cut them into pieces 1-inch or less and blanch any green vegetables. Place them on a large plate or sheet tray spaced apart from each other and freeze them solid before transferring to a plastic freezer bag and storing flat. -<>- Defrost Meat on Aluminum Trays The fastest way to defrost meat is under a cold running tap. But if you want to save water and speed things up a bit, place your meat on an aluminum sheet tray or skillet. Aluminum is a great conductor of heat and will draw energy from the surrounding environment into your frozen meat much faster than a wooden cutting board or wood or stone countertop. You can cut defrosting times down by about 30 percent this way. It also works on soups, stews, and anything frozen flat. --- ...Of course, the microwave cuts the time even more! -<>- Windex used as a stain remover As long as you are not dealing with delicate silk fabrics, windex is a great way to get out ketchup and red wine stains. Lightly spray the stain with Windex and let it sit for about 15 minutes. Blot with a clean cloth, rinse using cold water, and wash as usual. For best results, use the uncolored Windex. -<>- 'Go Green' Hint: Simultaneously preparing more than one food in the same pot is another easy way to save time and energy. For example, while you're boiling pasta you can easily steam some fresh vegetables over the top of the pan. -<>- Windex used as a degreaser Windex can soften built-up grease throughout the kitchen, especially on hard-to-clean range hoods, fans, and light fixtures. Spray surface liberally, let stand for about 10 minutes, and wipe clean. Be sure to rinse thoroughly with water to eliminate any cleanser residue on surfaces you prepare food on. -<>- 'Go Green' Hint: Save Water A full bath may be luxurious and relaxing, but it's also very wasteful. An average bathtub can take up to 70 gallons of water to fill, while a 5-minute shower uses just 10-25 gallons. Better yet, why not shower with your partner? Together, you'll save nearly 100 gallons of water! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: JUSTICE WITH JUDGE JEANINE 2/9/19 - Crazy 'Green New Deal' and more https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AdXk1EeaQ4 Crazy Green New Deal https://tinyurl.com/y3bzkmvo Wall Construction Begins https://1600daily.com/2019/02/09/wall-construction-begins/ Adam Schiff’s Collusion Exposed https://1600daily.com/2019/02/08/adam-schiffs-collusion-exposed/ With Pitch for Unity, Trump Urges Republicans and Democrats to ‘Choose Greatness’ -Washington Examiner https://tinyurl.com/yymh9v89 Newt Gingrich: Trump's State of the Union Changed History on Tuesday Night -Fox News https://tinyurl.com/y35ltnks Three-Quarters Approve of Trump Speech: Polls -The Hill https://tinyurl.com/y68zfa53 Ivanka Trump: Empower Women to Foster Freedom -The Wall Street Journal https://tinyurl.com/y6934son “By investing in women around the world, we’re investing in families, we’re investing in prosperity, and we’re investing in peace,” President Trump said. How W-GDP aims to reach 50 million women in the developing world by 2025 https://tinyurl.com/y3aoewb3 HHS Secretary Azar: How Team Trump is Bringing Drug Prices Down -New York Post https://tinyurl.com/yy7g8wo9 Border Agents Just Apprehended Convicted Child Molesters and an MS-13 Member at the Texas Border Where There's No Barrier https://tinyurl.com/y3merrpb “Ford Motor Company announced Thursday it will invest $1 billion at two Chicago factories to handle production of three new SUVs. The company said in a news release that work on the assembly and stamping plants will begin in March and is expected to be completed by spring,” Brett Samuels reported in The Hill. “The expansion will result in 500 new full-time jobs, bringing total employment at the factories on the city's southeast side to 5,800.” https://tinyurl.com/y6om9w9r "Public optimism in their personal economy has hit a 16-year high under President Trump, according to a new survey." https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From Big League Politics https://bigleaguepolitics.com/campaign/ Secure the Border - Border Facts https://borderfacts.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Today's Best Conservative Humor! https://theusawire.com/2018/03/8092-todays-best-conservative-humor/ Product Alert: Chicken, Granola, Electronics http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text -<>- >From BizarreNews: If there is one thing you're not expecting while you are quietly jogging on a mountain road it is to be suddenly thrust into a life-or-death struggle. The Colorado man in today's story certainly didn't expect to be attacked from behind, and he definitely didn't expect a fight to the death with his bare hands, but I'm sure the absolutely last thing he expected was WHAT attacked him. And considering his attacker he is lucky to have escaped with his life. Mountain roads in Colorado can be isolated, quiet and tranquil. They can also put you in close proximity with some of the state's abundant wildlife. And a lot of that wildlife doesn't like the proximity of humans. Like the mountain lion that was stalking this hapless jogger. The man, who was not identified, was jogging on a trail on the West Ridge of the Horsetooth Mountain Open Space, a mountain park about 66 miles northwest of Denver. The mountain lion attacked him from behind, biting and clawing the man's face, back, legs and arms, the Colorado Parks and Wildlife and the Larimer County Department of Natural Resources said in a joint release. The man managed to kill the animal with his bare hands. The runner was able to get himself to a local hospital and his injuries were serious but not life-threatening, officials said. "The runner did everything he could to save his life," said Mark Leslie, CPW Northeast Regional Manager. "In the event of a lion attack, you need to do anything in your power to fight back, just as this gentleman did." -<>- In the 2000 Guy Ritchie movie 'Snatch' the character Brick Top gives the following advice; "Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, 'as greedy as a pig'." You might think that is complete bull, or at least pig-lony but apparently one poor woman in Russia proved the hard way that hungry pigs will eat just about anything. A Russian farmer who may have suffered an epileptic seizure and collapsed into her pig pen was eaten by her pigs, according to reports citing Russian media. The woman, 56, was feeding the animals in a village in the central Russian region when she fainted and fell into the pig pen. The husband went to bed early the day before her death, because he was not feeling well, but he awoke to find his wife missing, the report said. He then discovered what was left of her body in the pen. *--- The Paradogs of World War II ---* Did you know the British military actually trained dogs to parachute behind enemy lines during World War II? The dogs were trained to do things such as identify minefields, detect the smell of gunpowder or explosives, locate booby traps, and of course, jump out of airplanes, something they seemed surprisingly adept at. One of the success stories a German Shepherd-collie mix by the name of Bing. Bing dropped during D-Day where he displayed exceptional skill in pointing out enemy mines and saving Allied lives. He would go on to be dropped once again into enemy territory to check out a house that was thought to harbor enemy troops, properly alerting his handlers to the threat. Bing would later be awarded the Dickin Medal, which is the highest award a military animal can achieve. Upon his death in 1955 he was buried within a special cemetery near London, and a life-sized sculpture of him was erected. *--- The Best of the Wurst ---* A fourth-generation butcher in Germany is celebrating his favorite food by opening what he calls the world's first sausage hotel. Claus Boebel, 48, opened the Boebel Bratwurst Bed and Breakfest in Rittersbach, near Nuremberg, in a converted barn adjacent to his family butcher shop. Boebel said the hotel, which features sausage imagery in nearly every aspect of the decor, has attracted guests from around the world during its first four months of operation. The hotel includes an on-site restaurant with a very narrow focus. "I called it 'Wurst-arant' -- because I serve only bratwurst in this restaurant in many different styles," Boebel said. The proprietor warned his hotel might not be for everyone -- some vegetarians and vegans might find the sausage themed wall art, pillows and other decorations disturbing. He said he has yet to hear any complaints from guests, however. "People who don't enjoy this don't book," Boebel said. "Because they see many pictures on the Internet before." *--- Claw Machine Claims Another Toddler ---* How many times are we going to have to see this story before we come to our senses and ban these baby-eating claw machines? An Alabama 2-year-old was rescued from a restaurant's claw machine when he crawled inside to try to get a toy. Kelsey Ingersoll said her son, Ezra, was playing with his siblings and some friends' children in the game room at Rotolo's Pizzeria in Fairhope when she lost sight of the boy. "I had been checking on the kids every couple of minutes to make sure they were still playing nicely and all of a sudden, my daughter ran over to me and said Ezra was in the machine," Ingersoll said. "It literally took him seconds!" It turned out no one at the eatery had the key to open the machine, so police and firefighters were called to the scene. The emergency responders were able to take the machine apart and pull out the toddler, who remained calm during the whole incident. Ingersoll said Ezra was allowed to keep the toy he climbed inside the machine to retrieve. Well, that's just incentivizing the problem, right there. *--- Those Vacation Photos are S ---* If this isn't a lesson for the need to control pollution, nothing is. New Zealand researchers examining a leopard seal's fecal sample that had been frozen for a year made a surprising discovery -- a working USB thumb drive. The New Zealand National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research said a volunteer thawed out a scat sample and discovered the leopard seal had apparently passed the USB drive through its digestive system. Researchers said the scat sample had been collected in November 2017 from a leopard seal on Oreti Beach in Invercargill. The NIWA said researchers plugged in the USB drive and were surprised to discover it still works and contains photo and videos from an unknown person's vacation. NIWA officials said they would like to return the USB drive to its owner, but for a price -- they want a replacement leopard seal stool sample. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: //// !!!! _ \\\\ ! -'/ _ |||| \ / \`-'''| \__| \ / ) | \__\_ ejm / | \ ( \ I can't avoid washing my hands, especially with kids at home, and it's "cold and flu season" people! Germs are everywhere!!! And with the cold weather, my hands tend to suffer. I've really tried to take measures to help my mitts. Mostly I've been rubbing in moisturizer whenever I can. It seems to help, but a think it might do more harm than good. I put on so much lotion the other day that when I put my hand down and leaned on the kitchen counter I slid right off and fell. It looked like a classic Kramer bit from 'Seinfeld'. Don't worry though, I'm okay now. The doctor said that my head broke my fall. What?!?! PANCAKES!!! -<>- >I Wanted To Be A Doctor When I was young in the 1960s, I decided I wanted to be a doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to medical school. One of the questions asked us was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important body part that helps to keep us erect. Those who answered "spine" are doctors today. The rest of us are sending stupid jokes by email. -<>- >My Teacher Is Crazy Son: "My math teacher is crazy". Mother: "Why?" Son: "Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1; today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2." -<>- >"Husband Wanted" A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." -<>- _________________________________________________________ ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||.--. .-._ .----. || |||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ || ||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---||| |||==| | | | | \ | | |_\/_|Black| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ ||| |||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---||| ||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| || ___ .-.__.-----. .---.|| || |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^||| || , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q ||| || _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R ||| || '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y ||| ||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z ||| || _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^||| || `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||_______________________________________________________|| Qryz >Funny Book Titles and Authors "Home Maintenance"....by Duane Pipe "Growing up in the Balkans".....by Hugo Slavia "Irish Winter Tales".....by Pete Moss "Increase Your Brain Power"....by Sarah Bellum "Looking Into the Wishing Well"....by Eileen Dover "How to Write a Mystery Novel"....by Page Turner "I Got Away With Murder"....by Scott Free "Winning Big".....by Jack Potts "Vacation Spot in the Tropics"....by Sandy Beech "I Always Enjoy the Darkness"....by Gladys Knight -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What happens to a refrigerator when you pull its plug? A: It loses its cool. Q: What did King Tut say when he was scared? A: I want my mummy! Q: What washes up on small beaches? A: Microwaves. Q: How many people are there in Rio? A: At least a Brazilian. Q: What do snakes put on their kitchen floors? A: Rep-tiles! )..( (.o) `.( ) |||| ptr "`'" Q: What happened when a dog sneaked into the flea circus? A: He stole the whole show. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: . ( ) ' . ( ( ) ,___________. | _________ | || ,### || || ####' %|| || ##` #|| || :### # || || '####/ || || ##` || || ###; || ||-_-_-_-_-|| || '###; || || '6#' || || ;#' || || ;#`#; || || #!' # || ||%____#___|| |___________| Taliszanna I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew having a snack. "Where's your mother?" I asked. "She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute, I'll see." He stepped into the bathroom and flushed the toilet and a second later a sharp yell came from upstairs. My nephew walked back out and said, "Yep, she's in the shower." -<>- Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints." -<>- It was time for the final and the student depending upon getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test. The question was "If H2O if water, what is H2O4?" This was a quick question for most, but it took the student some thinking time. Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, cleaning... -<>- ._-'-_ . . ' /_-_-_\ ` . .' |-_-_-_-| `. ejm ( `.-_-_-.' ) !`. .'! ! ` . . ' ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! / / \ \ _-| \___ ___/ /-_ (_ )__\_)\(_/__( _) ))))\X\ (((( \/ \/ The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a fine hotel in Mexico City. Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin sorbees. Guest (G): Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service. RS: Rye..Ruin sorbees. Morny! Djewish to odor sunteen?? G: Uh, yes... I'd like some bacon and eggs. RS: Ow July den? G: What? RS: Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch? G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please. RS: Ow July dee bayhcem--crease? G: Crisp will be fine. RS: Hokay. An san tos? G: What? RS: San tos. July San tos? G: I don't think so RS: No? Judo one san toes? G: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo one san toes means." RS: Toes! toes! Why djew don juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother? G: English muffin! I've got it! You were saying "Toast." Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine. RS: We bother? G: No, just put the bother on the side. RS: Wad? G: I mean butter--just put it on the side. RS: Copy? G: Sorry? RS: Copy, tea, mill? G: Yes. Coffee please, and that's all. RS: One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy--rye? G: Whatever you say. RS: Tendjewberrymud. G: You're welcome. ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: .-"""-. .-"""-. / `..' \ _ | | .-' / | | ///// < <======\ /====<<<<< '-._\ \ / \\\\\ `\ /' jgs `\ /' `\ /' `\/' Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add "within the limits of the law," because law is often but the tyrant's will, and always so when it violates the rights of the individual. ~~ Thomas Jefferson If some are still dominated by their former bad habits, and yet can teach by mere words, let them teach. For perhaps, by being put to shame by their own words, they will eventually begin to practice what they teach. ~~ John of the Ladder, seventh-century ascetic "I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day." ~~ Abraham Lincoln "Wit penetrates; humor envelopes. Wit is a function of verbal intelligence; humor is imagination operating on good nature." ~~ Peggy Noonan "Gentlemen, why don't you laugh? With the fearful strain that is upon me night and day, if I did not laugh, I should die." ~~ Abraham Lincoln "The amount you laugh in your relationships with others is the true measure of the health of your personality." -- Brian Tracy "Setting goals is one of the most important things you can do to guarantee your personal, professional and financial success. Goals are like a road map to your target destination. Each goal accomplished is another mile behind you on the way to where you want to be." -- Mark Victor Hansen -<>- _.-"""""'. .;__ `\ / `\ | ;a/ a `'. _ | ,_ |/_ _) / .-.-. {(}`\ \.___, \.' | | '--''-.( \_ _ / \ / .-\_ _."-.... ;_ ` .-.-. _/ '--. \ | | ."\ _/\ , | \ / / \_.' /'./ ; ` \__.' '-./ ' / __/ `\ / .' ``""--..__\___/ / | | , | \ ';_ / \ \`'-...-' \ \ | __ \ \ /-----; '. .--\_.-"\ | \ jgs / |._______|\ \ \_____,__/ '.__| >Billy Bob's Valentine Poem An Billy Bob's done rit this hisself while nappin on the fornt porch and looking at all dem broken bords! Careful, the chains not to goo neather! .-. .-. .-.| .-./ | | \/ | / \ / /` `\ /`/` jgs `\/` ** Happy Valentine Day, Sally Sue... from Billy Bob ** Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can. You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms. Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can. Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt. When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, we go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way. __ _ / /| |\\ \/_/ \_\| / __ \/_/__\ .-=='/~\ ____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}} -,------,----,-----,---,\'-' {{~}} jgs '-==.\}/ Some men git roses on that special day from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey, these won't do. Cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds...... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR! ,@@@@@, ,@@@@@, ,@@,;;;,@,;;;,@@, @@;;;' ';' ';;;@@ @@;;; ;;;@@ '@@';;, ,;;'@@' '@@';;,;;'@@' '@@';'@@' jgs '@@@' '@' Happy Valentine's Day ~~~~ To Sally Sue from ~~~Billy Bob -<>- When Paul Harvey read Lee Pitts’s essay “These Things I Wish” on his nationally syndicated radio show, Paul Harvey News and Comment, listeners everywhere loved it, and it’s become a classic that’s been passed from parent to child, from friend to friend. .o##o. .o##o. ######o.o###### ############### .o88o. .o88o##########' 888888o.o888888########' 888888888888888######' '8888888888888'#####&o. .o&&o. '88888888888' '#&&&&&o.o&&&&&& '8888888' &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& '88888' '&&&&&&&&&&&&&' '8' '&&&&&&&&&&&' H A P P Y '&&&&&&&' v a l e n t i n e'&&&&&' D A Y '&' >These Things I Wish We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better. I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would. I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen. It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep. I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in. I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him. When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her. I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely. On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom. If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head. I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like. May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole. I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend. I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle. May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays. I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand. These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life. Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you. Send this to all of your friends. We secure our friends, not by accepting favors, but by doing them. -<>- .-"""-. .-"""-. / `..' \ | | | H A P P Y | \ VALENTINE'S / __\ D A Y ! / _ / |`\ /' | \ \/_/ `\ /' \_\| / __ `\ /' \/_/__\ `\/' .--='/~\ ____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}} -,-----,--\--,-----,---,\'-' {{~}} jgs __/\_ '--=.\}/ /_/ |\\ \/ >Paul Harvey RIDDLE When asked this riddle, 80% of kindergarten kids got the answer, compared to 17% of Stanford University seniors. Q: What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die? Send this to 10 people and then press shift and you will get the answer. P.S. You won’t believe this, but this really does give you the answer!! . . . . . . . . . . The Answer is 'Nothing.' Nothing is greater than God Nothing is more evil than the devil the rich need Nothing the poor have Nothing and if you eat Nothing, you will die. So yes! If you do forward the riddle to ten people, you will get the answer because (groan) - Nothing will happen! :) ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Would You Care? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/care.html Jesus Laughing Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.htm Akiane Child Prodigy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Tale Of Two Swallows http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html Why We Love Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whydog.html Big Hearts In Nature http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/heartsinnature.html Brilliant Women Inventors http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womeninventors.html Great Engineering Achievements http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/engineering.html Discoveries By Accident http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/discoveries.html Maria The Goose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Proud Of Our Troops 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops6.html Bikes From The Past http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pastbikes.html Expensive Hotel Rooms http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Life's Little Oops 11 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops11.html Full Valentine Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valentineindex.html -<>- Some of Shangrala's Best Pages http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html No One Helped This Poor Eagle Dangling from a Tree But What an Army Vet Did Next Astonishing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOv1rqE-Qws Deer Tries To Show Family Something In Backyard – When They See It, They Call 911 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZRado7g77s Condor goes WILD during Bakersfield Condors Game https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tcd3DKWlqUk Rockin' good time - Boogie Woogie Magic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtI3IMlGRMY Talk about rocking... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQeC_6bOFqs -<>- >Fun Old Movie Clips: This clip from the 1970s TV series "Kung Fu" is taken from the pilot episode. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7YDcLP2DeY Billy Jack The Ice Cream Shop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf2owy_sYw0 Gomer Pyle, USMC - The Impossible Dream https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJlgio-UOng -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Lost in the Fifties- Another Time, Another Place. The Fabulous Fifties. 1955 was 63 years ago! https://safeshare.tv/x/FEDEwZHZXu The amazing magic of Ivan and Liubov Necheporenko on the French television show "Le Plus Grand Cabaret Du Monde" (The World's Greatest Cabaret). https://youtu.be/fXSzUThiq3o The touching story of an injured dog that was rescued from a mountain and how it has helped to make a family’s life better. Boomer the dog might not be an official mountain dog breed but he most certainly is a mountain dog in my opinion. For Tia to be hiking that mountain in support of her son was at a wellness camp and then to find Boomer who needed help truly is remarkable. I’m glad she was able to keep the dog and hopefully, they will have many fun times together in the years to come. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfDU5nA_rjg --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The CEO of Starbucks has pledged to hire 10,000 refugees. So if you think they're writing your name incorrectly on the cups now..." -Conan O'Brien "The world's first supermarket chain to only sell vegan foods, which was called Veganz with a 'z,' has announced they will have to declare bankruptcy and shut all their stores. When asked what went wrong, the vegan supermarket said, 'We're a vegan supermarket.'" -James Corden "Kim Kardashian said during a Q & A yesterday that she'd like to take a selfie with Jesus. Though I think most people would say that Jesus has suffered enough." -Seth Meyers "Hooters is opening a new chain of restaurant called Hoots, where they're ditching their revealing outfits. They're going to have male servers aaaand... they just went out of business." -Jimmy Fallon "The Westminster Dog Show has added three new breeds to its annual events. Said the dogs, 'Yeah, last year's after party got pretty wild.'" -Seth Meyers "There is a new restaurant in Spain that just opened where everybody dines in the restaurant completely naked. And you thought it was awkward going to dinner with your parents before." -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************