Social Media Explained And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super hot new page is from our friends Linda and LouiseAu. Those of us who are recovering from old man winter's bomb cyclone and arctic blasts will appreciate this page. Maxine lends a sympathetic ear our way by giving us plenty of smiles to handle winter's freezing blows. Check out this here... o \ o `. o o o o \ ` -. .-.-. .---. .-.,-.,-. ..-. / )| | `'____\' o _____\|| ` `' | |-._--.| |----.| | o |o ||-.| ||,-. || | o o | ||_|| |/ oo\ || | | || || C ._)o || | o o| || ||o|\`-/ || | ,. o | ||_|| ,'\,\ || | _\('') | ||o||/\ \ .: o|| | (; .) | || |( \_\||___|| | _,.(|___)-. | o||_|||`-`,\)----' | o o | | ||..|.| o _ |-. _.-. `.-.|._|_.-:|__|_|-.-' `-'.__ o o '--`-` o - SSt Maxine On Winter http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonwinter.html --- ...LOL! Love it! The dog one cracked me up! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB >Ten Dog Rules 1. The dog is not allowed in the house. 2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 3. Okay, fine, the dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture. 4. The dog can get on the old furniture only. 5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed. 6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation. 7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers. 8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only! 9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night. 10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog. -<>- While Kathy is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day. When she hears this, Kathy rushes out the door and comes back a while later totally drenched and carrying a small, soggy paper bag. So her friend asks, "Where did you run off too?" "I went home to get my pajamas!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 22 is National Blonde Brownie Day, National Pie Day, National Handwriting Day and Measure Your Feet Day January 24 is Beer Can Appreciation Day and Compliment Day January 25 is Opposite Day January 26 is Australia Day and Spouse's Day January 27 is Chocolate Cake Day and Punch the Clock Day January 28 is Data Privacy Day, Fun at Work Day and National Kazoo Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/| / /######/ / | / /______/ / | ========================= /|| |_______________________|/ || | \****/ \__,,__/ || |===\**/ __,,__ || Joe Jacques |______________\====/%____|| | ___ /~~~~\ % / | _| |===|=== / \%_/ | | | |###| |########| | / |____\###/______\######/__|/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Social Media Explained Facebook: I like drinking coffee. Twitter: I'm drinking coffee. YouTube: Watch me drink coffee. Instagram: Artsy coffee photos. Pinterest: How to make coffee. LinkedIn: Skills - I can make coffee. -<>- >Very Pregnant I was very pregnant, and it was rotten luck when, several days before my due date, my husband fell from the porch roof, sprained both ankles and was restricted to crutches. So when I went into labor and he couldn't drive, I took the wheel, stopping every time I had a contraction. Finally, we got to the hospital. I dropped him at the maternity entrance, and he hobbled off to the admitting desk, where the nurse told him to go to the emergency room. No, it's my wife," he told her. "She's in labor." "Where is she?" the nurse asked. "She's parking the car and bringing in the bags." -<>- >The Diet - What It Says / What You Really Do Breakfast--- 1/2 grapefruit black coffee 1 piece dry toast 1 small glass skim milk Lunch 1 lettuce leaf 2 tomato slices 2 oz. broiled chicken 4 carrot sticks 1 whole wheat roll with 1 tsp reduced-calorie butter 1 cup red Jello Dinner 1/2 cup salad 1 tsp low fat Italian dressing 4 oz. hamburger patty 2 1/2 slices canned pear 1/4 cup cottage cheese slice wheat bread also--8 glasses of water This is how it really turns out... 8 a.m. --Breakfast-- You skip breakfast. You're not hungry, and this gives you an extra 100 calories for the day. 10 a.m.-- You decide to have that black coffee as you see the doughnuts being brought into the office. You drink your first glass of water, proudly resisting the doughnuts. 11 a.m.-- You are hungry and have a hard time concentrating on your work. You look forward to lunch. 12 p.m. --Lunch--- You hungrily eat everything on your diet, including the Jello, which you have hated since you were a child because of that time when you got your tonsils taken out and they gave you Jello at every meal. 1 p.m.-- You drink your second glass of water for the day. 1:30 p.m.-- You drink your 3rd and 4th glass of water for the day. 2 p.m.-- You drink your 5th and 6th glass of water for the day. You marvel at how a person can be hungry and nauseous at the same time. Your co-worker has popcorn at her desk and you smell it but are too sick to even want any. She offers you some and you decline, telling her how little you've eaten today and how the smell of the popcorn doesn't even tempt you. She is impressed. 3 p.m.-- You are hungry. You know that another co-worker has candy on her desk and there is an open invitation to take some. You do, after all, have an extra 100 calories for the day. You restrict yourself to one piece of candy, proud of your willpower. You are still 50 calories ahead. 3:30 p.m.-- You are still hungry. Your mind wanders. You remember the Tic Tacs in your desk - only 2 calories apiece. You eat two. 46 calories left. 3:45 p.m.-- You eat two more Tic Tacs. 42 calories left. 4 p.m.-- You eat the rest of the pack of Tic Tacs. You are in the negative, but optimistic. You'll skip the pear at dinner. 5 p.m.-- You are famished. You drink the last 2 glasses of water to get you through to dinnertime. 5:30 p.m.-- You arrive home. A bag of potato chips is blocking the way to the hamburger helper that you will be using to make the family dinner. After thinking twice about it you rip open the package and eat one chip. 5:35-- You eat one more chip. 6:30 p.m.-- You eat the rest of the package of potato chips, 6 tablespoons of Hamburger Helper as you cook it, and then have a pint of Haagen Daz. You tell the family that you are doing too well on your diet to ruin it with dinner. They are impressed. -<>- >Road Trip We were on a road trip. We'd stopped for lunch and had driven about 40 minutes beyond when I said to my husband, "We need to go back to the restaurant. I left my glasses there." Well, he let me have it with both barrels. How could I be so careless, I need to take care of my stuff, etc, etc, etc. He would not let up. Finally we arrived back at the restaurant. I got out of the car to retrieve my glasses and my husband said, "While you're in there, you might as well see if they found my hat. And the credit card." -<>- >Morning Paper I asked my wife if she had seen the morning paper. She said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it -- just the classified section, though." I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!" She replied, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells, coffee grounds and a few orange peels." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) \ ___/________ ___ ) , @ / \ \ @___, \ / @__\ /\ @___/ \@/ /\__, | /\_, \/ / /\__/ | / \ / @\ / \ ( / \ / / \ _/__|___/___/_______________/__|____\_____________/__/__________|__\__ unknown >SMILES A lady stumbles into the police station with a black eye. She says, "I heard a noise in my back yard and went to investigate. The next thing I knew, I was hit in the eye and knocked out cold." An officer was dispatched to her house to investigate. He returned several hours later with a black eye. His captain asked, "Did you get hit by the same person?" "No, I stepped on the same rake." -------- One blonde was painting the ceiling as the other painted the room. "Got a good grip on your brush?" asked the blonde. "Sure," said the other blonde. "Well, hold on tight. I'm taking away the ladder." -------- Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." -------- A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her. "Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad." ------- A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic, "It died." After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She says: "What's the story?" He replies: "Just crap in the carburetor." She says, "How often do I have to do that?" -------- A young engaged couple were getting some prenuptial counseling from their Rabbi. The guy asked, "Is it okay to make love before the wedding?" The Rabbi replied, "Not if it delays the ceremony." -------- "Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck - his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married." -------- My dogs' obedience trainer said the test of a dog’s disposition was for its owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the owner, where a good dog would lick the owner’s face or otherwise show concern. That night, while eating pizza in front of the TV, I decided to test this theory on my own dogs. I clutched my chest, slid off the sofa, screamed and fell to the floor. My dogs looked at me, looked at each other, and then raced for the coffee table and ate my pizza! ------- The teacher asked Tommy, "Why weren't you in school yesterday?" Tommy answered, "Because my grandfather got burned." "Badly?" asked the teacher. "Oh yeah," Tommy answered, "They don't horse around at the crematorium!" -------- A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack between the open doors and the floor. I felt terrible for her. Or I did until she cried, "Oh no! Not again!" -------- ,---,_ , _> `'-. .--'/ .--'` ._ `/ <_ >,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-. .-' .'` `'. '. > / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\ / ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._> `> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ / `.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|` jgs \; \ ;/ \ .-, )-. / /` .'-'. `\ ;_.-`.___.'-.; >Because I'm a Man... Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue. Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items Like "Cumin" or "Tofu" For all I know these are the same thing. And never under any circumstances expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator). Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger I mean, how could he know where we're going? Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just get out of here now? --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) _ , L\ \/OO\ |/ \ /_\ ` _\ |_ Arjen Pilon >PRAISE THE LORD! There's a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts "Praise the Lord!" The atheist yells back, 'There is no God." She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says "Praise the Lord." The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there's the groceries she asked for, of course she says "Praise the Lord." The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, "Ha, I bought those groceries - there is no God." The lady looks at him and smiles, and then shouts: "Praise the Lord! Not only did you provide for me, Lord, But you made Satan pay for the groceries!" --- ...This classic always gives me chuckles! Thanks Karen! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Life Is Winning in America In National Review, Vice President Mike Pence writes that “since the outset of this administration, we’ve taken historic action to protect the most vulnerable in our society.” https://tinyurl.com/ycjaqna3 CNBC reports that the “Dow has surged more than 31 percent since Trump's inauguration on Jan. 20, 2017.” President Trump has “lifted the Dow Jones industrial average in his first year in office more than any other president since Franklin Roosevelt,” Fred Imbert writes. https://tinyurl.com/y7732zjf Dave Boyer writes in The Washington Times that “one year since Mr. Trump’s inauguration, it looks very much like the economy is lifting off.” Boyer explains “President Trump marks his first year in office Saturday riding a wave of strong economic news, including a record- high stock market, a low unemployment rate and computer giant Apple’s decision to bring back hundreds of billions of dollars from overseas and create 20,000 U.S. jobs, spurred by Republican tax cuts.” https://tinyurl.com/ydeh4k9q California Democrats want some businesses to fork over half tax-cut savings to state https://tinyurl.com/ycyrya6e Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: A Canadian man made a fake car out of snow and got a real parking ticket. Montreal native Simon Laprise crafted a Back to the Future- style Delorean on the side of his street as part of a prank and he got the results he expected. "It was a beautiful day," Laprise told Vice. "So I decided to do something out of the mountain of snow, to do a little joke to the snow guys, and have fun sculpting a car. It's not my first one, just the first I do in the street on snow removal day." Laprise sculpted the Delorean to look like a life-size version of Marty McFly's ride had been parked throughout a snow storm for days. He even added indentions for the wheels and windows -- and then threw a spare windshield wiper he found lying around for a special touch. The snow car looked real enough that when police came around to look for cars parked on that side of the road during a snow plowing hours, they wrote a ticket and left it on a windshield made of snow. Larpise had his last laugh as he posted the photos to Facebook. "Muhahaha," he wrote. -<>- A man who wanted to avoid paying extra for overweight luggage decided to wear all of his clothes. However, this move backfired when the man was not allowed to board a British Airways flight and was arrested when he questioned staff members and recorded the encounter. Ryan Carney Williams said that he was traveling from Iceland to his home in London, England. He was at the Keflavik International Airport dressed in eight pairs of pants and ten shirts. He was allowed to check in his luggage but he was soon told that he was not allowed to fly due to the excessive amount of clothes. Ryan posted videos of the incident to Twitter. He slammed the airline for "racial profiling." Is wearing too many clothes racist? Airline employees asked him to stop recording before calling security. Williams was arrested after being rude to staff members. Williams said that he was polite during the incident. After giving police his side of the story, Williams was allowed to walk free. The airline refunded him the money for his ticket. Williams finally made it home on a Norwegian airline. *--- Must Have Been Too Early For Flap Jacks ---* A Florida motorist was so impaired that he mistook a Bank of America drive-up lane for a Taco Bell and sought to order a burrito from a teller, according to an arrest report. Police were called to a Tampa-area bank "in reference to a suspected impaired driver." Upon arriving at the Bank of America branch, an investigator found Douglas Francisco, 28, at the wheel of a blue Hyundai in the bank's parking lot. A bank manager previously told police that a male driving a blue Hyundai had passed out at the wheel while in the bank's drive-thru lane. After the employee beat on the car's window, the driver awoke and asked for a burrito. He subsequently drove away "after being informed he was not at Taco Bell." *-------------- It Almost Worked --------------* Police in Maine say they have arrested a man who allegedly punched himself in the face to avoid a breathalyzer test. Police say they found the car of 27-year-old Brian Fogg in a ditch early Saturday morning on Waterville Road. When they tried to administer a breathalyzer test, Fogg allegedly punched himself in the face three times, causing himself to bleed. Police tended to his injuries instead of giving him the test. Fogg is charged with OUI, falsifying physical evidence and criminal mischief. *-- The Old Spices in a Baggie Ploy Goes Bad --* A boy became angry when his drug dealer double-crossed him by handed him kitchen spices instead of marijuana, according to police in Utah. Davis County police said that they have arrested 17-year-old Seth Carreras after being accused of killing 19-year-old Travis Woodson. According to the police investigation, Carreras contacted Woodson, who was a drug dealer, and asked to buy 1.5 ounces of marijuana. Carreras came over to Woodson's home in order to test the quality of marijuana. After smoking a bit, Carreras agreed to purchase 1.5 ounces of marijuana for $121. Carreras told the drug dealer that he had to go home to bring the cash. Woodson then placed kitchen spices, including salt, pepper, and paprika, in a baggie. Woodson gave the bag to his girlfriend, Kayla Gibson, 17, and ordered her to accompany Carreras to his home and give him the bag once he pays her. Gibson followed her boyfriend's instructions and collected the money form Carreras. As soon as Carreras ripped open the bag, he realized that he was ripped off. Meanwhile, Gibson ran to her boyfriend to warn him that Carreras discovered the truth about the contents of the baggie. Carreras then shot Woodson multiple times until he fell to the ground. Carreras then went through Woodson's pockets and took back the money he paid for the marijuana he never got. Gibson, who witnessed the shooting, ran out of the home and called the police. *--- The Deadly Selfie Claims Another Victim ---* A man in Turkey who wanted to celebrate his birthday at a castle fell to his death while trying to take the perfect selfie. 39-year-old Halil Dag, who was a father of 8 children, lost his life by falling more than 100 feet from the edge of a cliff onto the rocks below. The incident unfolded on Monday while Dag and his friends went to visit historical sites in Balikligol. While Dag was at the Urfa Castle, which lies at the top of a mountain, his friends took video of him jumping from some rocks. Dag wanted his friends to capture a photo, showing him suspended mid-air at the castle. When he landed on the ground, he lost his balance and rolled over the edge of the cliff. He fell 120 feet and died as a result of severe trauma. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) #################### ,)--. "Something told me today might not #################### __/____|__ be my lucky day after all" #################### = = "/ | _____ ____ _ #################### | - D | / __ | / __ \ / ########## ######## |__- | | | | | | | |__| | | | ######### ####### |, |\,____ | \ \_| | | __ | > ########## ######## ,-/|__/ / . | / / | | | | | | | | ########## ######### .' \\/_/ , \ | |_| |_| |_| |_| \_ ####### ####### \\ // _ | \ __/ | ###### # ####### >/ \) ' \_ \ \,/ | ###### ## ########__ _/ \ ) ___ _|_ __| ####### ######'---/__o> | / /----------| ###### #######| | \| o- _-__O/ | ###### #######| ---/ /| / ) | ####### #######| /___\/_______/ | ######## #######| /'''/ / | ######## ########| / / / | ######## #########| / / / | ######## ##########| |(_ / , | ####### ##########| \ |(_ > | | \ | \ | | )( | | | \_\, | | |_______|___/\______________b'ger | |+ \/ | /+ \ | /+ / | /_. ' |_____________________ >Why Men are never depressed.... *Men Are Just Happier People* *What do you expect from such simple creatures?* *Your last name stays put.* *The garage is all yours.* *Chocolate is just another snack...* *You can never be pregnant.* *You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.* *You can wear NO shirt to a water park.* *Car mechanics tell you the truth.* *The world is your urinal.* *You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.* *You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.* *Same work, more pay.* *Wrinkles add character.* *hair or no hair doesn't matter.* *People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.* *New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.* *One mood all the time.* *Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.* *A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.* *You can open all your own jars.* *If someone forgets to invite you, He or she can still be your friend./* *Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.* *Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.* *Everything on your face stays its original color.* *The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.* *You only have to shave your face and neck - or not at all.* *You can play with toys all your life.* *One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.* *You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.* *You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife..* *You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.* Want More Reasons? .OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @@ D i c k T r a c y @@ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @@ @@ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO'''''' @@ @@ ```````OOOOOOOOO OOOOO'' aaa@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@""" """""""""@@aaaa `OOOO OOOOO,""""@@@@@@@@@@@@@@"""" a@"" OOOA OOOOOOOOOoooooo, |OOoooooOOOOOS OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo, I'll be selling the |OOOOOOOOOOOOC OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO house and moving my ,|OOOOOOOOOOOOI OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @ family to a condo |OOOOOOOOOOOOOI OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'@ complex with a pool OOOOOOOOOOOOOOb OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'a' & where someone else |OOOOOOOOOOOOOy OOOOOOOOOOOOOO'' mows the grass! aa`OOOOOOOOOOOP OOOOOOOOOOOOOOb,.. Things here will be `@aa``OOOOOOOh OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo hectic for the next `@@@aa OOOOo OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO| 6 weeks or so. @@@ OOOOe OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO@ aaaaaaa @@',OOOOn OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO@ aaa@@@@@@@@"" @@ OOOOOi OOOOOOOOOO~~ aaaaaa"a aaa@@@@@@@@@@"" @@ OOOOOx OOOOOO aaaa@"""""""" "" @@@@@@@@@@@@"" @@@|`OOOO' OOOOOOOo`@@a aa@@ @@@@@@@"" a@ @@@@ OOOO9 OOOOOOO' `@@a @@a@@ @@"" a@@ a |@@@ OOOO3 `OOOO' `@ aa@@ aaa""" @a a@ a@@@',OOOO' Roy Sussman >Men Are Just Happier People... *NICKNAMES* *If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.* *EATING OUT* *When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.* *When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators...**YEP!!!* *MONEY* *A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.* *A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.* *BATHROOMS* *A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.* *The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.* *ARGUMENTS* *A woman has the last word in any argument.* *Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.* *MARRIAGE* *A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.* *A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.* *DRESSING UP* *A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.* *A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.* *NATURAL* *Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.* *Women somehow deteriorate during the night.* *OFFSPRING* *Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.* *A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.* *THOUGHT FOR THE DAY* *A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!* SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ..... and to the men who will enjoy reading it! --- ...Giggles! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: &&& && && &&&&. &&& .&&&&& && &&& &&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&& & &` && && .&&&&& &&&; &8 .&&&: && &` & && 8&& & `& && && .&_ oO_&.-.-. && ( __ -/--' &&~ .'-__-'& &&&~`'\`& &&&~` _& &&&&` && &&8&&&& &&&&&&& & &&&&&&& &&;&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& ~~~ .~~~~~ `&&&&&&&&& ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~;!&&&&&&&&&&~/~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~\~~~~&/` \`~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ BP A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" "Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank." "Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye." -<>- Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher. I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately. "You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there." -<>- Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?" "I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough." -<>- While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck." -<>- So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off! -<>- I had noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother. "Things haven't changed that much," she said. "The only difference is, before he didn't listen to me. Now, he can't." ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ___ _.-' \ / \ / \ / `.___ ( .--.)\/(,.--. `-. ,',-. \ / ,-.`. ) ( / \ / \ ) / \ || .-| |-. ||---'| \ _|| | | | | ||_ | \ /. \ |_|.---.|_| / ,\ | .^.\ `.\ `--" "--' /,' |/ `> _________ <' ,-' ,---.---.---. `-. `--'\ \j/ /`--' `.\ /,' \\_______// `-------' hjw Thank you all so much for your well wishes. The family and I are doing very well. We are safe and sound. Now, we are cleaning up, preparing to move forward, and rebuild. It's gonna take a while so... how about some jokes? Groaningly yours, Steve -<>- >*-- Old Man and Ice Cream --* A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" "No," he replied, "arthritis. -<>- >*-- A Leaky Sink --* There was a man staying the night in a hotel. He called the front desk and said, "Excuse me, sir, I've got a leak in my sink." The man at the front desk replied, "Oh, okay, go ahead, but most guests just use the toilet." -<>- Feathers are light. The sun gives off light. Therefore, the sun gives off feathers. Q: What does a cannibal call a skateboarder? A: Meals on wheels! Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk? A: Nightmares! Q: Which knight spreads malicious rumors? A: Sir Lander. Q: Which knight always drools? A: Sir Lyver. Q: What soldiers smell of salt and pepper? A: Seasoned troopers! Q: What rock group has four men who don't sing? A: Mount Rushmore. =============================================================== >-->From TheMouth: Did you swear the witness in Ralf? \ `, ___ # |/ ? Well, he Was swearing... | , )\ / /__/\ \____ ##### ,- / \_/ \ _/_ #### /\,_\ |/| / < _____ _> \ [.[.]-=## ) "\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\- /_ )# \ ___Y. _____'-'______|\/______________ |__ # __)/ [_______________________________] \___/ /) \ | | .'\$/\`-. /|| .| | _...._ | ( `.Y.' ( ) __;_||__|_______| ,-' ALT. '-_ |____|:__o___|_|_ [________________| / ASCII- \ |________________] | | | _ _ART ____. | | | Balif | | / / \| ||_)| | | | | RALF | \\_\_/|_|| \|/ | | ____| | -_ ,- | |____ | | `-...,-' | | | | | | |_______________|_____________________________|_______________| >*-- Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer --* * Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot. * He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table. * Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?" * Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers. * The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM." * Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever." * He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs." * Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code. * Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury. * Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!" * Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties. * You met him in prison. * He tells you that his last good case was Scotch. * When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. * He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose." * He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger." -<>- >New Years Resolutions You Can Keep Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point: Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. Stop exercising. Waste of time. Read less. Makes you think. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. Get in a whole NEW rut! Personal goal: bring back disco. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Get further in debt. Break at least one traffic law. Get wired with high-speed net connections at home. Associate with even worse business clients. Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them. Wait around for opportunity. Focus on the faults of others. Mope about my faults. Never make New Year's resolutions again. -<>- /////' ' # o C - | ___ ' =__' ___ (` _ \_ | | _/ ') \ (__\ ,---- _ |----. /__)- | \__ ( ( / ) ) __/ |_X_\/ \. # _.| \/_X_| | \ /( / /\ / | \ / ( , / \ _/ /______/ [:::::::] /*%*%*%*%*\ >%*%#%*%*%| /%*%*#*%*%*\ ######^###### b'ger >Some Thoughts on Exercise My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where she is! I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Cat Owner Tips http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catowners.html World's Tallest Treehouse! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouse.html Nanny Animals 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals3.html Playing With Food 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html Fun With Nature! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html Whale Rescue 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html Deer Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerrescue.html Humor In Religion 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html Parenting No-No's 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting2.html Morons At Work! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html Life's Little Oops 10! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops10.html Germany's Water Bridge! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wbridge.html -<>- >Please Follow/Visit Me On StumbleUpon: https://tinyurl.com/y9pczhac -<>- >From TheMouth: Ripleys.com is a mix of wild, crazy, & weird people/animals that have amazing talents or appearances. Browse through their enormous museum for weird and wacky pictures of people doing stunts, practicing talents, or just plain being themselves. http://www.ripleys.com/ From Denofgeek.com: We survey the best science fiction movies that have come our way so far this century https://tinyurl.com/ybhc7p7o From Cracked.com: Despite the huge glut of contributors and channels, Hollywood continues to crap out terrible movies and shows. Movie and TV creative types are nothing if not visual, so we asked our readers to diagram ways to fix the biggest, most painful flops in recent history. https://tinyurl.com/y9sng9ku -<>- >From Animal Lovers: Here's a sneak peak of the talented Dally and Spanky! Spanky the miniature horse and Dally the dog became best friends right away. They even became well known celebrities in a little town in north east Washington. One day, Dally jumped up on Spanky's back to take a fun horsey ride and they've been performing tricks around the United States ever since. The cute little duo never seem to leave each others side. You even see Dally laying on Spankys back when he sleeps, it's so cute. http://www.evtv1.com/video/Ever_see_a_dog_ride_a_horse.aspx Last Week's Video: Hilarious Camel Race Girl races her pet Camel! http://www.evtv1.com/video/Hilarious_Camel_Race.aspx -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) You're not a handyman until you can do this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRtxH8YIjio --- ...Pretty crafty! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) THE TEXAS TENORS: GOD BLESS THE USA (OFFICIAL VIDEO) - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/embed/daqwGRdRIsk?feature=player_detailpage --- ...Awesome! Love It!!!! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The CEO of Domino's Pizza announced that he is stepping down this summer. He'll carefully pack up his office, then get home and find that all his stuff is stuck to the top of the box." -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new report, America's teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America's teenagers will never understand the report because they're 85th in reading." -Conan O'Brien "Big news from the Oxford English Dictionary. For all of you kids who don't know what a dictionary is, it's a small portion of the Internet, printed out, kept on a shelf, and opened once every three years during a Scrabble game." -Jimmy Kimmel "I read about a company that's working on technology that would let your pet video chat with you. It's fun to get a video chat from your dog, but depressing to watch your cat decline your call." -Jimmy Fallon "Saudi Arabia has lifted a 35-year ban on movie theaters, and the first movie to screen publicly was "The Emoji Movie." So, the ban is back on." -Conan O'Brien "A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day." -Seth Meyers "Some news for travelers here. I read that British Airways is getting rid of reclining seats on their planes. And if you think that's bad, Southwest just announced that their new seats only recline forward." -Jimmy Fallon "Anybody here drink water but wish you could pay more for it? Well, good news, folks, because the next big startup craze in Silicon Valley is companies offering consumers the chance to get 'off the water grid' with something called 'raw water,' which is water that is unfiltered, untreated, and unsterilized. Wow, drinking that sounds un-sane." -Stephen Colbert "During a political protest on Capitol Hill today, 82 rabbis were arrested. It's the first time D.C. police have dispersed a crowd by spraying them with bacon." -Conan O'Brien "I hate music, especially when it's played." --Jimmy Durante "We need a president who's fluent in at least one language." --Buck Henry "For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off." --Johnny Carson "A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home." - Rodney Dangerfield >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************