Soldier, Umbrellas, Mummies, Men And Guys... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
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or Web Site:
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Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
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The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
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down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
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OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
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AND For Google Plus Users:
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AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This too hot to handle new page is from our friend LouiseAu.
It's an interesting look into the culture and lives of a
tribe that dates back some 8,000 years. The video here is also
mesmerizing and shows the strength and fortitude of these
people. Be sure to check it out here:
...vvvv)))))).
/~~\ ,,,c(((((((((((((((((/
/~~c \. .vv)))))))))))))))))))\``
G_G__ ,,(((KKKK//////////////'
,Z~__ '@,gW@@AKXX~MW,gmmmz==m_.
iP,dW@!,A@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@A` ,W@@A\c
]b_.__zf !P~@@@@@*P~b.~+=m@@@*~ g@Ws.
~` ,2W2m. '\[ ['~~c'M7 _gW@@A`'s
v=XX)====Y- [ [ \c/*@@@*~ g@@i
/v~ !.!. '\c7+sg@@@@@s.
// 'c'c '\c7*X7~~~~
]/ ~=Xm_ '~=(Gm_.
Honey Hunters Of Nepal!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/honeyhunters.html
---
...Wowsers! Talk about an adventure! Thanks LouiseAu!
Of course my son had to point out that beekeepers today
would simply have the hive with the queen on ground level.
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
'."""""""""""""""""`.
`. ... `.
`. /@ `. `.
.'"":_ :"""""".'|
.'//)/) ` (/)/)).' |
.'/)_/"" __ ""\.' ^ |
|"""(((""""((("""| | |
| "" "" | U | |
| High Quality | P .'
| Bananas | .'
| | .'
| |'
""""""""""""""""
>Murphy's Laws
Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.
Murphy's Third Law: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that
can go wrong will go wrong.
Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of several things going
wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go
wrong.
Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in
which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way,
unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to
worse.
Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something.
Murphy's Ninth Law: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Murphy's Tenth Law: It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because
fools are so ingenious.
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws: Murphy was an optimist.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
October 15 is White Cane Safety Day
October 16 is Bosses Day and Dictionary Day
October 17 is National Fossil Day, National Pasta Day and
Wear Something Gaudy Day
October 18 is No Beard Day
October 19 is Evaluate Your Life Day
October 20 is Brandied Fruit Day and Sweetest Day
October 21 is Babbling Day, Count Your Buttons Day and National Pumpkin
Cheesecake Day find a recipe, too.
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
_______
| |
| |
|:::::::|
|:::::::|
|:::::::| A feeding bottle ??? :-)
\_____/
|_ _|
) (
`-' (c) Mike'96
>New Father
The first-time father, beside himself with excitement over the birth
of his son, was determined to do everything right.
"So, tell me, Nurse," he asked as his new family headed out the
hospital door, "what time should we wake the little guy in the morning?"
-<>-
>Running Away From Home
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled
against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and
his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if
you get hungry?" he asked.
"Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child.
"And what if you run out of money?"
"I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?"
"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away
from home, he's going off to college!!"
-<>-
>Lost Money
The receptionist for the company where I'm employed found some cash
in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker. She sent the
following e-mail: "If anybody can say where they lost $66, please let
me know and it will be returned to you."
Within minutes one employee replied, "Kentucky Derby, 1986."
-<>-
>Keeping Your Money Safe
Dad is from the old school, where you keep your money under the
mattress -- only he kept his in the underwear drawer. One day I
bought my dad an unusual personal safe, a can of spray paint with a
false bottom, so he could keep his money in the workshop. Later I
asked Mom if he was using it.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "he put his money in it the same day."
"No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!" I gloated.
"They won't have to," my mom replied. "He keeps the paint can in his
underwear drawer."
-<>-
>Dogged Lawyer
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop
and steals a roast.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running
unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to
demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $18.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me
today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $18.50
(attorneys don't carry cash).
Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope
from the lawyer: It was a bill for $100 for a consultation!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
-------______
| )
+++++. | \'
ental+ | Q
rgeon+ | )C ~\/\
+++++' | \\_ \ ___
| \_77 |\ |
EJM 96 | |`` \ \ |
------- """ ~ ~ o-o
>SMILES
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new
dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly,
I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my
high school class some 41 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly
discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the
deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he
had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high
school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He
answered, "In 1962 . Why?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He
looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
----------
These three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in
jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though
none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one,
a brunette, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has
any last words. She says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity, and
I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the
innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God
must not want this woman to die, and they let her go. The second one, a
redhead, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Texas
Tech University School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to
intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again,
nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this woman's side, so
they let her go. The last one, a blond, is strapped in and says, "Well,
I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now, you
ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't connect those two wires
right there."
----------
.---.
/_____\
( '.' )
\_-_/_
.-"`'V'//-.
/ , |// , \
/ /|Ll //Ll|\ \
/ / |__// | \_\
\ \/---|[]==| / /
\/\__/ | \/\/
|/_ | Ll_\|
|`^"""^`|
| | |
| | |
| | |
| | |
L___l___J
|_ | _|
jgs (___|___)
^^^ ^^^
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The
sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a
little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a
sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a
typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become
a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that
his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the
typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work
at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the
prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he
replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding
machine."
-------
Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the
problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine...."
explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new
pilot."
----------
A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would
make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation
responded with "Amen" or "That's right, preacher" he would get wound up
even more and launch into another lengthy discourse.
Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with
"Amen, Pharaoh!" The guest minister wasn't sure what that meant, but
after several more "Amen, Pharaohs" he finally concluded his very
lengthy sermon.
After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the visiting
minister turned to his host and asked, "What exactly did you mean when
you said "Amen, Pharaoh?"
His host replied, "I was telling you to let my people go!"
----------
An old blacksmith realized he was going to have to quit working so hard.
So, he picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old
fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he
told the young apprentice. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day
the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the
anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it
real good and hard." Nod. . . . . . . Now the town is looking for a new
blacksmith.
----------
At the start of every Mass, the priest would make the sign of the cross,
followed as usual by the entrance song and the blessing, after which the
congregation responded, "And also with you." One Sunday, after making
the sign of the cross, our priest appeared to be having difficulty with
the sound system during the singing of the entrance hymn. At the
conclusion of the song, the priest said, "There seems to be something
wrong with the mike." The congregation automatically responded, "And
also with you." A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils, "Now,
children, do you all say your prayers at night?" Little Johnny's hand
shot up, " Miss, My Mommy says my prayers." "Oh, I see," said the
teacher, "and what does your Mother say?" "THANK GOD HE'S IN BED!"
-------
_______
/ )
/_____ | ______
( ' ) / / __\ _____
|. '| / | \ | / ))
|____|/ |`-----' /_____))
`-----' `------' cf
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one
morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short
of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he
did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was
looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."
She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd
loaf, it'll be hard."
The old man says to himself, I can't believe everybody knows about this
but me!
---
...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
_ _ _
{o}{o}{o}
| | |
\|/\|/\|/
[~~~~~~~~~]
|~~~~~~~|
Daffodils |_______| ldb
Plants need iron, too and spinach water gives them not only
iron but also a decent dose of potassium. Pasta. Starchy water
will spur the release of plant nutrients in the soil, meaning
starch may be better for plants than for you.
The next time you boil or steam vegetables, don't pour the
water down the drain, use it to water potted patio plants,
and you'll be amazed at how the plants respond to the
"vegetable soup."
-<>-
Use leftover tea and coffee grounds to acidify the soil of
acid-loving plants such as azaleas, rhododendrons, camellias,
gardenias and even blueberries. A light sprinkling of about
one-quarter of an inch applied once a month will keep the pH
of the soil on the acidic side.
-<>-
The quickest way in the world to dry herbs: just lay a sheet
of newspaper on the seat of your car, arrange the herbs in a
single layer, then roll up the windows and close the doors.
Your herbs will be quickly dried to perfection. What's more,
your car will smell great.
-<>-
Newspaper, by design, is a very absorbent product, because
think about it...it has to absorb ink, right?
This also means it is equipped to absorb all sorts of
moisture, including moisture and the resulting odors found
in shoes and vegetable drawers.
If your fridge is starting to smell funky, crumple up some
newspapers, spritz them with water, and throw them in your
fridge to clear it up.
Wad up a big bunch of newspaper and stick them down into
the shoes for a day or two. Set them outside in the sunshine
if possible. Severely stinky shoes may require a removal of
newspaper and re-stuffing of fresh newspaper after the first
day for a continued de-stinking treatment.
-<>-
____
\ _|__
__)| /
ejm97 (___| (__
(_-___)
Great tip for winter...I know you don't want to
think about winter now, but it's coming and coming fast!
Create a home for slushy snow boots. During the winter,
keep a pile of newspaper near the entryway. When your
little snowmen and -women come home, they can toss their
winter wear onto the newspaper instead of creating puddles
on the floor.
-<>-
Newspaper as a grill cleaner? Yep, that's right!
Turn off the barbecue and allow it to cool a little. Soak
newspaper in water, lay the sheets over the warm barbecue
grill, close the lid and leave for approximately an hour.
Then simply remove the paper and wipe the grill clean.
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Our hearts and Prayers are with those affected by Hurricane Michael:
“We will do everything in our power to help those in need,” President Trump
said today. “And we will not rest or waver until the job is done and the
recovery is complete.”
Get up-to-date information on the federal response to Hurricane Michael.
https://www.fema.gov/hurricane-michael
Ending the scourge of human trafficking: The Trump Administration is fighting
to end the scourge of human trafficking, also known as modern-day slavery.
Today, the President met with his Interagency Task Force to Monitor and
Combat Trafficking in Persons (PITF), a Cabinet-level entity consisting of
15 departments and agencies. The Administration is taking the fight to all
fronts, and the results are piling up: Last year, the Department of Justice
secured convictions against nearly 500 defendants, and the FBI dismantled
42 criminal enterprises engaged in child S trafficking. Learn more about
President Trump’s fight to end this horrific practice.
https://tinyurl.com/y83awyzj
President Trump hosted some special guests at the White House. In addition to
numerous artists joining the President for the signing of the Music Modernization
Act, legendary Hall of Fame running back Jim Brown and rapper Kanye West visited
the Oval Office to discuss prison reform and a range of other cultural and policy
issues. Watch as President Trump hosts Jim Brown and Kanye West in the Oval Office.
Watch Kanye West's full speech with President Donald Trump
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRY3UHI7cTU
Justice With Judge Jeanine 10/13/18
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e76i2knGl70
Republicans Score Huge Win In the Courts
https://tinyurl.com/y8mcphx7
President Trump’s New Judge Nominations Has Liberals Melting Down
https://tinyurl.com/y9u2s598
Trump’s Huge Win in Turkey Could Have Big Impact
https://tinyurl.com/yampqxua
Tennessee Democrat EXPOSED For Lying
https://1600daily.com/2018/10/11/tennessee-democrat-exposed-lying/
This Trump Appointee Is Still Blocked By Dems
https://1600daily.com/2018/10/11/trump-appointee-still-blocked-dems/
Nikki Haley Resigns, Here’s What President Trump Says
A loss to the administration...
https://tinyurl.com/y8h649wf
Brett Kavanaugh’s Choice of Clerks Leaves Liberals in Shock
https://tinyurl.com/y9k2ysuy
Get your free digital Guide to the Constitution from The Heritage
Foundation
https://tinyurl.com/yat6nm4t
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
What kind of heartless, soulless, corporate automatons could
turn their backs on a soft, cuddly, emotionally-supportive
little rodent? The kind that kicked a woman off of a flight
because she wanted to bring a squirrel on board with her
and trap it inside a pressurized metal tube with about 160
other passengers.
There are stressful times, and people like Cindy Torok need
the calming effect afforded by a scratching, biting, little
omnivore. Unfortunately for her, the people at Frontier
Airlines were not sympathetic.
Torok was escorted off the flight from Orlando, Florida, to
Cleveland after airline staff discovered she brought her
11-week-old squirrel Daisy on board. When Torok defied staff
requests and refused to get off the plane, police were
called to remove her. Soon after authorities arrived, all of
the passengers on the flight were deplaned and Torok and her
pet were taken off the aircraft. Because if Cindy can't have
her rat, nobody gets to be on time.
According to the airline's policy regarding animals,
"rodents, including squirrels, are not allowed" on its
flights, regardless of their function.
But Torok wasn't about to be bullied.
"They said, 'Either you walk off the plane or I'm going to
arrest you for trespassing, and we will take that squirrel.'"
Torok said. "I said, 'You're not taking my squirrel. Sorry,
you're not. I refuse. You will not take my baby from me.'"
And they didn't. She kept possession of the animal while
police escorted her off the plane.
Torok was reimbursed for the cost of her ticket and given a
voucher for another flight. But, of course, that wasn't
enough. "I'm going for blood. I'm going all the way," she
said. "I'm contacting an attorney."
-<>-
A couple weeks ago I ran a story about how a perfect red
heifer born in Israel could be a sign of the end of days,
as in; the second coming and the Biblical apocalypse.
But these little incidents, no matter how bizarre or unique,
are isolated. I mean, it's not like we're about to suffer a
plague of frogs.
Oh Heck!
According to www.charlotteobserver.com "Explosively breeding
frogs are literally dropping from above in NC."
A population explosion of tens of thousands of frogs and
toads has emerged on North Carolina's coastal plain, leading
to social media reports of frogs found hopping on kitchen
counters, crawling in beds and even falling on people as
they step outside.
"They're all over my windows. I had one jump on my face
laying in bed," one unhappy resident reported last week.
"And I had another in the kitchen on the cutting board.
They're everywhere"
What's happened, says state biologist Jeff Hall, is a
convergence of two types of frog and toad population
explosions along the coast. The first wave is the tadpoles
born during the abnormally heavy rains of June and July,
and the second is a boom of "explosively breeding"
toads -- like the eastern spadefoot toad -- that found a
perfect habitat in tiny puddles created by Hurricane
Florence.
Photos and comments posted on Facebook talk of frogs
clinging to walls and windows, and sticking like glue to
moving cars for miles.
Hall predicts coastal residents will continue finding frogs
and toads in odd places until all the flood waters recede.
Until then, he says one tip is to turn off porch lights.
"Porch lights attract bugs and moths, and it's like a steak
house buffet to a frog," Hall said. "They do not pose a
threat. It's best to try and deal with them as best we can
until the situation changes."
And a little prayer and repentance wouldn't hurt. Just in
case.
+-- Tequila! --+
Texas police find nearly $25,000 in stolen tequila after man
advertises on social media. Laredo police made an arrest
after finding more than a thousand bottles of tequila that
had been reported stolen last month. Officers found the
Patron tequila, valued at more than $24,500, after a man
started advertising massive sales on social-media pages,
police said in a Facebook post. They tracked the sales to a
Laredo home, where they found numerous cases of tequila, as
well as a loaded .357-caliber Taurus revolver. Authorities
arrested Manuel Alejandro Martinez Fernandez on a federal
charge of being an illegal alien in possession of a firearm.
Charges for the tequila theft are pending, police said.
+-- A Fun Way to Win Some Free Beer --+
A Maine couple won 12 cases of beer at the North American
Wife Carrying Championship. Jesse Wall and Christine
Arsenault, who have been participating in the annual event
for several years and have come out on top before, were
dubbed the winners at the North American Wife Carrying
Championship at the Sunday River resort in Newry, Maine.
The pair were one of 35 couples participating in the unusual
race Saturday and finished the final round with a time of
58.72 seconds, winning them Arsenault's weight in beer -- 12
cases -- and five-times Arsenault's weight in cash. The win
also earned Wall and Arsenault the chance to travel to
Finland, where the wife-carrying sport originated, to par-
ticipate in the World Wife Carrying Championships.
+-- Who Steals a 1,000 Pound Hammer? --+
Police in California are investigating the disappearance of
a nearly 1,000-pound hammer sculpture from the side of a
road. The Healdsburg Police Department said the artwork,
titled "Hammer," was stolen from in front of the Healdsburg
Community Center. The 20-foot-long steel and wood sculpture
was on loan from the Voigt Family Sculpture Foundation when
it disappeared. Healdsburg artist Doug Unkrey, who created
the sculpture, said it would have been very difficult to
steal. "They'd need at least a flatbed trailer with a winch,
or about eight people," Unkrey said.
+-- Mystery object washes up on South Carolina beach --+
A marine rescue group in South Carolina is trying to identify
a mysterious large object that washed up on an island beach.
The Lowcountry Marine Mammal Network posted a photo to
Facebook showing the strange object that washed up on a
Seabrook Island beach. Commenters suggested the object looked
like a piece of a spaceship or a movie prop -- perhaps the
foot of a Star Wars AT-AT. The group said the object seems
foam-like to the touch and, despite its appearance, does not
contain any metal. Some have suggested the object resembles
the shape of a damaged marine buoy like those used by the
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Seabrook Island
officials had the object removed by a truck and trailer, but
they have not commented on the identity of the unusual piece
of debris.
---
...I found photos of it for you here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1h36N9PaLIA
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bonnie :)
___()___
_.-'' ,-'`-. ``-._
,-' ,' `. `-.
,' ,' `. `.
/ / \ \
/_ / \ _\
``-./_..---'''|``---.._\,-''
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
, |
`..' SSt
>Umbrellas
One day on his way to work, my husband stopped at the cafeteria as it
began to rain.
Forgetting that he hadn't brought an umbrella, he reached for the
nearest one when he got up to leave.
"That's my umbrella," a woman immediately scolded.
Abashed at his mistake, he walked on to his office. He was drenched by
the time he arrived.
Once there, he discovered three umbrellas that he had left in the office
over the months, and he decided to bring them home at the end of the
day.
That afternoon he ran into the same woman who had confronted him
earlier.
______......-------'''''''; =,
-==(______------=======:::::::;======"
``````-------.......;
-Felix Lee-
She looked at the umbrellas, then at him, and tartly remarked: "You did
real well for yourself today, didn't you?"
-<>-
? ? ? ? ?
A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best
things you can be.
~Douglas Pagels
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Bonnie! (Huggumss right back to you!:)
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
.----.
===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT...
// 6 6 \\ /
( 7 )
\ '--' /
\_ ._/
__) (__
/"`/`\`V/`\`\
/ \ `Y _/_ \
/ [DR]\_ |/ / /\
| ( \/ / / /
\ \ \ /
\ `-/` _.`
jgs `=. `=./
`"`
>I Wanted To Be A Doctor
When I was young in the 1960s, I decided I wanted to be a doctor so
I took the entrance exam to go to medical school.
One of the questions asked us was to rearrange the letters PNEIS
into the name of an important body part that helps to keep us erect.
Those who answered "spine" are doctors today. The rest of us are
sending stupid jokes by email.
-<>-
>What's The Story?
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic
it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor..."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch!
Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?
A: You're pointless!
Q: What do Italian's eat on Halloween?
A: Fettucinni Afraid-o!
.--. .--.
| = o\ | = o\
\= =_/ \= =_/
)= \____ )= \____
; = _|__-\ ; = _|__-\
|= ----.\ |= ----.\
('.==| ('.==|
/ \=\=\ / \=\=\
_.' /=/\=\_ _.' /=/\=\_
_jgs_..-' /__) \__)__..-' /__) \__)
Q: What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?
A: Rap!
Q: Why don't mummies take vacations?
A: They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Double,double
Toil and trouble
( " ) Fire burn and
( _ * Cauldron bubble
* ( / \ ___
" " _/ /
( * ) ___/ |
) " _ o)'-./__
* _ ) (_, . $$$
( ) __ __ 7_ $$$$
( : { _) '--- $\
______'___//__\ ____, \
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.' \ \------''.
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| | | . _/
\ (. ) , / /__I_____\
snd '._/_)_(\__.' (__,(__,_]
@---()_.'---@
Q: Why doesn't a witch wear a flat hat?
A: Because there's no point in it!
Q: What's a vampire's favorite part of the guitar?
A: The neck.
__.......__
.-:::::::::::::-.
.:::''':::::::''':::.
.:::' `:::' `:::.
.'\ ::' ^^^ `:' ^^^ ':: /`.
: \ :: _.__ __._ :: / ;
: \`: .' ___\ /___ `. :'/ ;
: /\ (_|_)\ /(_|_) /\ ;
: / .\ __.' ) ( `.__ /. \ ;
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: `-( . ^"^ . )-' ;
`. \ .'<`-._.-'>'. / .'
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Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?
A: Lots of blood tests!
Q: What does a wolf say on Halloween?
A: "Happy HOWLoween!"
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
\_/
--(_)-- .
/ \ /_\
|Q|
.-----' '-----. __
/____[SCHOOL]___\ ()))
| [] .-.-. [] | (((())
..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb
As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over
his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was
startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling
in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation
for the arrival of students the next day.
The school where he had been a Principal the previous year
had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate
than that at Fort Knox.
Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do
you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to
let the teachers take things without requisitions?"
The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with
the children, don't we?"
-<>-
One caller to our answering service gave me his name, number
and message and then said, "You know my name. What's yours?"
"We're not allowed to give our names," I replied, "but my
operator number is 4136"
Sounding disappointed, he said, "May I call you by your first
digit, or would that be too personal?"
-<>-
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised
by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:
"An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is
under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from
an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in
a 'compromising position.'"
"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded
the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and
found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was
divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She
wasn't selected for the jury.
-<>-
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
My plumber has a stupid sense of humor.
-<>-
___
/_\_\
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| | | | | | | | | | |
| / | / | | \ || | | |
| | | / /| |__| || | | l
| | |> / / | | \___/|_A_| |
| | | / / | | | | || |m1a
>The difference between 'Men' and 'Guys'
Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road.
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.
Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.
Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high
school.
Men: balance their checkbooks.
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice
in a row.
Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving,
and paying for dinner.
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and
pay for dinner.
Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.
Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call.
Men: start their own businesses.
Guys: quit their jobs.
Men: are experts on women's erogenous zones.
Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.
Men: order wine based on more than the price.
Guys: bring their own beer.
-<>-
(
)
__..---..__
,-=' / | \ `=-.
:--..___________..--;
\.,_____________,./
College meals are generally unpopular with those who have
to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
"What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one student
indignantly.
"What's it taste like?" asked the cook.
"Glue."
"Then it's apple pie. The plum pie tastes like soap."
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
/ _
`_--/-/_ _
~\/ /
| . _ . |--\
_| # ( # )
/ \ _ # /
-_ _-~
-'--`-_
/ . |
| |~|
|-----,,)
--------
|_|_|
_~__~__\ W<
>How Do I Look?
A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely
person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so
depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near
me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face
down on that couch."
-<>-
.--.
/-. \
< ^ `D/
\_ (
)_/;.
_ __|_, \\
,(_I_______)\
//`-----\ \
// \____/\
// / /
// _____ / /\ \
.---n-. //'` `\/ / \ \
_____|_"_~_|___// /\ \ \ \
/ / \ / \ `\__...--' _\__\ \_/\
\\\\\\\\\\\\'-\__/--===-\__/-'`,,,,,,,,(____\,,,(__/,,,,,,,,,
\\\jgs\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
>Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn
1. He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.
2. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of
thirteen cats.
3. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.
4. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his
head.
5. You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher.
6. He's fascinated by the details of you home security system.
7. Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings.
8. Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.
9. Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.
10. No toes.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Crocodile Man!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crocodileman.html
Colorful Fish!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fish.html
Amazing Dog Houses 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html
Great White Shark!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html
Highway To Hell!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dirt.html
No Passing Zone!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant.html
Under His Wings!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wings.html
Thailand's Tigers!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger.html
Toyger Mini Tiger!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/minitiger.html
Trump - Making America Great Again!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trumpposters.html
Adam In Paradise!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html
World Of Big Cats!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html
World Of Peacocks!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peacock.html
Life's Little Oops 9!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops9.html
Undersea Restaurant!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html
Why Dogs Bite People!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsbite.html
Odin The White Tiger!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whitetiger.html
World's Largest Rodent!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/caplin.html
Jay Leno Garage!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jaylenogarage.html
Beautiful Galapagos Islands!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/galapagos.html
Fall And Halloween INDEX!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html
-<>-
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html
-<>-
>From StudentsForLife:
A new pro-life movie, Gosnell: The Trial of America’s Biggest Serial
Killer, is out in theaters today and I’m encouraging everyone I know to
go see it.
Please go here to find local show times and to watch the trailer:
http://www.gosnellmovie.com/
-<>-
100 Coolest Monsters
As Halloween gets closer I thought it only appropriate to bring forth
the most frightening monsters that have graced television and film.
Which of these creatures scare you?
http://www.retrocrush.com/100monsters/index.html
15 Paranormal Images Even Non-Crazy People Find Creepy
Take a look at some the creepiest stuff you'll ever see, well, except
for the 2016 election coverage.
https://tinyurl.com/zkz6leq
If Horror Movie Posters Were Forced To Be Honest
From Cracked.com: The people who make movie posters are pretty bad at
their jobs. We know this because whenever we see one of their creations,
we're never quite sure what the film is supposed to be about. So,
Hollywood filmmakers who we know are definitely reading this, consider
throwing a gig at one of our photoplasticians next time you need some
promotional material.
https://tinyurl.com/yc46ho4o
Halloween Pumpkins Game
Destroy All Pumpkins! That's your task in this seasonal game that is
fun, addictive, and spooky scary!
http://www.goriya.com/flash/halloweenpumpkins.shtml
20 Times Companies Picked The Wrong Celebrity Spokesperson
From Cracked.com: Nothing catches consumers' attention better than a
famous person making a product look cool. So companies fall all over
themselves to get celebrities to help hawk their goods. And most of the
time, it's fine. But sometimes those endorsements... go bad. For
example...
https://tinyurl.com/y7e4hbzk
Man Jumps in After Unhooked Fish || ViralHog
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QN0DfBnxXzo
"Dogs Getting Excited Over Food Compilation" || CFS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUIHIsjDo3g
Funny KIDS vs ZOO ANIMALS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKU6x1n9Hak&t=139s
Old Commercials That Would Be "Politically Incorrect" Today
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66mQz44pPY4
-<>-
>When Late Night was funny:
Jay Leno headlines 2006 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTmAG-ebKjM
Jay Leno headlines 2006 3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUmpbRYGG4E
NEW Headlines jay Leno 2007
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e20lY_lvlWY
99 Cent Store
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIpiAwsopjI
Leno 18 11 2008 Stuff We Found On Ebay
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m27aI-xgfRw
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
In Last August President Trump told the Southern border patrol to
carefully screen every truck coming into the U.S. from Mexico.
This is why...
- 500 pounds of pot in semi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71r_bjJTlrU
Here is how these custom officers found the hidden smuggling Cigarettes
in truck | Amazing work
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02o7hj3D_KQ
---
...Wow! Amazing for sure! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pair of socks
meant to be worn with sandals from 2,000 years ago.
Scholars say it's evidence of the first German tourist."
-Conan O'Brien
"A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of
withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social
media sites. This is why I'm not even on Facebook. I update
my high school yearbook manually with a pen." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after
police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you're
one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the
government is watching you with satellites from space, you
were right." -Jimmy Fallon
"I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on
top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round,
and I gave her a burrito." -Mitch Hedberg
"Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is
half full, I say, are you going to drink that?" --Lisa Claymen
"Alaska Airlines might start giving out virtual reality
headsets to first-class passengers. Meanwhile, if you're
in coach, they just duct tape an in-flight magazine to
your forehead." -Jimmy Fallon
***
"A new study reveals that the average fast-food chicken
nugget is almost 60 percent fat. The study also says that
the average fast-food customer is almost 60 percent chicken
nuggets." -Conan O'Brien
"According to a new report, there is a shrine in Japan
solely dedicated to hemorrhoids. Seating is limited, but
usually available." -Seth Meyers
"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world
without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world,
because they'd never expect it." --Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
"I have witnessed the softening of the hardest of hearts by a
simple smile."
--Goldie Hawn
"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."
--Oscar Wilde
"I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting."
--Mark Twain
"Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an
event, deal with it and then move on."
--Bob Newhart
"What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable
planet to put it on?"
--Henry David Thoreau
"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
--Robert Frost
"Sleep, those little slices of death; Oh how I loathe them."
--Edgar Allan Poe
"The road to hell is paved with adverbs."
--Stephen King
"I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I
hit a home run."
--Babe Ruth
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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