Someone Is Stupid And More... :) Shangy!
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/" /" :
/ / /
.' .' :
.-'-.---. /
.--"""""--.. :
.((((__ .\
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__..--'"` [.]-[.] \\_. ` `""--..__
..---\ ___(/_ | /___ /---..
"""",-/_...---'"`` \,_ /.- ``"'---..__\-,""""
" /"""'"'""""/ "
\`'-.__.-' \___ aa/wkm
"._________".'
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press
This flaming hot new page is from our friend Geniann. It's
a prime example of artistic imagination and should give you
plenty of smiles to start out your week. Be sure to check
it out here...
:::::::'
'::::::: :::::'
'::::: :::'
'::: :'
': _TT_
._ _TT_ /____\ __
_____ ______ ____ |_/____\ | | _____ ________/ |_
\__ \ / ___// ___\| | _TT_ | \__ \\_ __ \ __\
/ __ \_\___ \\ \___| | /____\ | / __ \| | \/| |
(____ /____ >\___ >_| | | | (____ /__| |__|
\/ \/ \/ | | | | \/
| | | |
| | | |
| | |__|
|___| |
| |
|____| nigel blunt
Graffiti Art 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/graffiti3.html
---
...Teehe. What a wonderful collection! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
_.._..,_,_
( )
]~,"-.-~~[
.=])' (; ([
| ]:: ' [
'=]): .) ([
|:: ' |
~~----~~
Paul Martin Howard
A man who can't speak words starting with "B" walks in a bar and says to
the barkeeper: "I'll have a glass of b... bbb... bbbb... water."
He gets his order, drinks the water and starts a new try: "I'll have a
glass of b... bbb... bbbb... water."
Again he gets his water and drinks it.
He decides to start up a last try. "I'll have a glass of b... bbb...
beer."
Then the barkeeper turns around and asks, "Becks or Budweiser?"
-<>-
E V E R Y D A Y . . .
,,
( ) Homer, kids, just keep
( ) smiling till these people
yaaaaah! oh-my-GOSH! ( ) staring at us go away.
we're trapped inside some ( ) /
computer-dimension- ( ) /
something-or-another!! ( ) wow--the 'Bort'?? that's
\ ( ) information BART Simpson, man!
\ suck-suck- ( ) super-highway! /
,__ suck-suck! ( ) \ /
/ ``\ \ ( ) \ }\/\/{
| | \ ( ) _/\/\/\_ | |
(.)(.)M _/\/\/\_ (,, ,,) \,, ,,/_ (.)(.)
C___ |) \,>o<,,/_ \(.)(.)) \(.)(.) /_ | C |)
/___ \| \(.)(.) /_ /C__, @ /C__, @_/ (___ |
__)__/|__ /c @_/ ) | ) |/ )__|
/ \/ / \ C_, )/ oooo oooo / \\
/ / \ / |/ /___\\ / \\ / \\
Homer Maggie Marge Lisa Bort
___ _
| |_||_
sssSSSSSs | | ||_
sSSSSSSSSSSSs sSSSSs nn sSSSs
SSSS ii mM mmm pPPPPpp sSS nn nn sSSSSSS
SSSs iII mMMMM mMmmm pPP PpppSs oOoo nNN nN SS SS
SSSs iII mMMMMM mM Mm Pp PPSSSSs OOOOOO NNNn nNN SSSs
SSSSSSSssss iIi mMM MMmM Mm ppPPppPP SSSSsoO OO NNNNNNNN SSSSss
SSSSSSSSSs iIi MMM MMM Mm PPPPppP sSOO OO NN nNNN SSSs
SSSS IIi mMM MMm Mm Pp sSSssSSSSOO ooOO nN NN SS
sSS III MM MMm pPp SSSSSS OOOOO sssssSsSS
sSSsssssSSSSS II SSSSSSS TM
SSSSSSSSS
>Creative Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid
1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.
2. A few clowns short of a circus.
3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
4. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
5. A few beers short of a six-pack.
6. A few peas short of a casserole.
7. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
8. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
9. One taco short of a combination plate.
10. A few feathers short of a whole duck
11. All foam, no beer.
12. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
13. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
14. He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
15. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
16. As smart as bait.
17. Chimney's clogged.
18. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
19. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
20. Forgot to pay her brain bill.
21. Her sewing machine's out of thread.
22. If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
23. Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
24. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
25. Has the intelligence of a Carrot.
---
...And The Newest Way?
26. She pulled an AOC!
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
April 8 is All is Ours Day, Draw a Picture of a Bird Day and
Zoo Lover's Day
April 9 is Name Yourself Day and Winston Churchill Day
April 10 is Golfer's Day and National Siblings Day
April 11 is Eight Track Tape Day, Barbershop Quartet Day and
National Submarine Day
April 12 is Big Wind Day, Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day, National Licorice
Day, Russian Cosmonaut Day and Walk on Your Wild Side Day
April 13 is International Plant Appreciation Day, National Peach
Cobbler Day and Scrabble Day
April 14 is Ex Spouse Day, International Moment of Laughter Day,
4 Look up at the Sky Day, National Dolphin Day, National Pecan Day
Palm Sunday and Reach as High as You Can Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
)
) __ (
__ (~( __
(~( \O\ )~)
)O) )_) (O(
(_(__ ( )_) )
)~)__ __
/O/ )~) ) (~(
(_( (O( __ \O\
) )_)(~( \_\
__ )O) ( __________
_ (~( __(_( __ _-' `-_
,-----' | _ \O\<'~_`) ) )~) / *SNORT!* \
| // : | -' )_))^ \\ __(O( ___| MUHAHAHAHAHAH!!! |
| // : | --- >__;` (~( )_) `-. mmWAHAHAHA!!!!! |
| // : | -._ /\_\ \O\ \ YEEHAH!!! /
`-----._| __ /__( \| )_) `--___________--'
_/___\_ //)_`/( (| ||]
_____[_______]_[~~-_ (.L)O) ||
[____________________]' (_(,/(~(
||| / )~) ,___,'./\O\
||| \ (O(|,'______|( )_)
||| / )_) I==|| __
||| \ __/_|| __||__)~)
-----||-/------`-._/||-o-_o__(O(-- __
~~~~~' ____ __ /_O_/.\_\ \~\
\_O_\ /~/__/_/O`.o. \O\
____ /O/_\_O/_/ `.' . \_\
/_O_/ /_/\_O_\ \O\ ,o,'
\_\ `.'
>Counterfeiter
A counterfeiter decided that the easiest way to pass off his phony
$18 bills would be to unload them in some small rural town, so he
drove until he found a tiny town with a single general merchandise
store.
He entered the store, went up to the counter, and handed one of the
bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Could you change this for
me, please?"
The store clerk looked at the bill for a few seconds then smiled at
the man. "Of course I can. Would you prefer two $9 bills or three $6
bills?"
-<>-
>Counting
Recently, while we were eating lunch after church one Sunday, my
youngest son asked me what the highest number I had ever counted up to
was.
I said I didn't know. Then I asked him how high he had counted.
"5,372," came the prompt reply.
"Oh," I said. "Why did you stop there?"
"The sermon was over."
-<>-
>Speak Now
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say
concerning the union of the bride and groom. Everything quickly
turned to chaos when a woman carrying a child started walking towards
the front.
Everybody was surprised, shocked, and the bride even fainted. The
pastor asked the woman if she had anything to say.
The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."
-<>-
Wife's Diary vs Husband's Diary
WIFE'S DIARY:
Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to
meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends
all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit
late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I
suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but
he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was
my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had
nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I
told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't reply, "I
love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him
completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just
sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and
absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.
About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was
distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I
cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are
with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HUSBAND'S DIARY:
A four putt! Who FOUR putts? Arrrgghh.
-<>-
>Dangerous Dog
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign
saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he
noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash
register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to
beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't
look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that
sign?"
"Because", the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept
tripping over him."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
__________ __,___/ ",",
___.--" "\'. ____/ l \ ",'-,
------f" // \\\ \ (l\ \ \ \ \",
| ||| / u | \ \ \
| ||| _ ) / | | \
----L_-XXX-. .|' / U < | | |
"\ -<_____/// \ 6 ) | | |
\___) -" '. -.<" / / |
|'.___ | _._." /
| ./ _."." _."
/ |"----" _."
jjs \
>SMILES
A man walked into work on Monday, with 2 black eyes,
His boss asked him what happened.
The man said: I was sitting behind a big lady in the
Church ,when we stood up to sing the hymens, I noticed
That her dress caught in her crack, so I pulled it out,
She turned around and punched me square in my eye.
The boss asked where did u get the other shiner?
The man said: well, I figured she didn't like it out,
So I pushed it back in.
----------
A mother took her daughter Carlene, who was not yet old enough to read,
to the eye doctor for a check-up.
The doctor used pictures to help determine how well Carlene was seeing.
He showed Carlene a picture of a horse and asked, "How many legs does
this horse have?"
Instead of saying the expected answer of "four," Carlene answered, "Same
as any other horse!"
----------
The young wife hasn't spoken to her husband since the baby was born, all
because of a little misunderstanding...
She called him at work and said her water had broken, and he called the
plumber.
----------
There was a woman who spent some months serving God in Kenya. On her
final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic. As the
Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply
moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies.
She wanted to always remember this moment and try to share it with
friends when she arrived home.
With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and asked,
"Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?"
Her friend looked at her an solemnly replied, "If you boil the water,
you won't get dysentery."
----------
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles
decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he
spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary
man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father
will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with
Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother. (When will guys
EVER learn!)
---
...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
__,--"""""""""--,.
_ -'" _\ ^-,_
,-" _/ \_
, / \ \
,' /_ | \
/ _____,--""" / ) \
/ / / ( |
| / / ) |
| / | \
( (_/\ ) / \
\ \_ ____,====""" / |
\ /" /"" |
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"`------"" --" ,-' /
/ ---" /
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\ ,--'"============""""-'"
"-'" | |=================/
/___\===============/
-Joachim Hoffmueller- / |=============/"
\ \_________,-"
| |
| | Jo.
>Are you smarter than a 60 year old?----- This is Fun Try it!
This may be harder than you may think. The answers will be on the tip
of your tongue, but you just can't quite remember the correct answer.
Don't look below for the answers until you have tried it out.
A test for our 'older' kids. So have some fun my sharp-witted friends.
The answers are printed below, (after the questions) but don't cheat!
Answer them first . . .
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset,
the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably,
someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did
he leave behind?
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all
watched them on The ___________ Show.
03. 'Get your kicks, _________ .'
04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been
changed to ___________________.'
05. 'In the jungle, the mighty Jungle, ________________.'
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced'
under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance
called the '_____.'
07. Nestle's makes the very best . . . _______________.'
08. Satchmo was America'S 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared
this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______.
10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named___________ and Red
always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and
'___ ______ '
11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning
their______________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the
front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? _________
&____________.
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music
died.' This was a tribute to ___________________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians
did it. It was called ___________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic
ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the
________________________.
16. Remember LS/MFT _____ _____/_____ _____ _____?
17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It's _____ ______ _____!
18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? The _____ Knows!
19. There was a song that came out in the 60's that was "a grave yard
smash". It's name was the ______ ______!
20. Alka Seltzer used a "boy with a tablet on his head" as it's
logo/representative. What was the boy's name? ________
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ANSWERS:
01.The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04.To protect the innocent.
05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop
16. Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco
17. Howdy Doody Time
18. Shadow
19. Monster Mash
20. Speedy
Send this to your 'older' friends, (Better known as Seniors.) It will
drive them crazy! And keep them busy and let them forget their aches
and pains for a few minutes.
---
...HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
I'm notoriously bad at names! So many of the questions requiring 'names'
eluded me along with a few my older siblings would get.
=======================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
_________________________________________________________
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||.--. .-._ .----. ||
|||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ ||
||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---|||
|||==| | | | | \ | | |_\/_|Black| | ^ |||
||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ |||
||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ |||
|||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---|||
||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
|| ___ .-.__.-----. .---.||
|| |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^|||
|| , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q |||
|| _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R |||
|| '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y |||
||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z |||
|| _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^|||
|| `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||_______________________________________________________||
Qryz
Did you know there are lots of ways your library can keep
money in your pocket besides with free DVDs, CDs, or books.
Most libraries now buy memberships to popular subscription
sites. So you would be able to research family history
at ancestory.com or learn spanish at mangolanguages.com.
Many libraries try to make reading more fun by offering
complimentary book club kits, which would include 8 - 15
copies of the book you choose, plus a discussion guide.
Most libraries have expanded their career services to
include resume-writing software, expert assistance with
applications, and workshops.
To find out if your library offers any of the above
simply visit the front desk of your local library.
-<>-
To help your clothes stay stain-free, it's a good idea to keep
clean your iron every few months. Make sure your iron is cold
before cleaning and unplugged. Make a past of 1 tbs. water and
2 tbs. baking soda, then use a spatula to spread the paste on
to the plate of the iron. Let it sit for 5 - 10 minutes, then
wipe clean with a damp cloth.
-<>-
Need unsalted nuts for a recipe, but only have salted ones?
No problem...simply drop them into a pot of boiling water and
cook for about a minute. Drain them and then spread the nuts
out on a baking sheet and back at 200 degrees until dry. About
5 minutes.
-<>-
Make your home smell like heaven
Put two caps full of vanilla extract in a coffee cup, then
place it in the oven at 300 degrees for one hour. Within
twenty minutes the whole house smells like Heaven. It's actually
a common realtor trick.
-<>-
.----------------.
/__________________\
||\ ________ /| _ |
|| |: :| |o(_)|
|| |;-""""-;| |o(_)|
|| |________| | __ |
||/__________\|[__]| hjw
"------------------"
Make Eggs in the Microwave
Are you sick of eating a mediocre AM meal of bland yogurt at work every
morning? Meet your new office best friend: the microwave.
Find out how to make a breakfast-of-champions in just a few simple
steps, plus the help of minimal equipment (a microwaveable plate or
bowl). In under 5 minutes you can make scrambled eggs, or even fried
eggs (hello desk-side huevos rancheros!), in the time that it would
take you to order that overpriced cup of oatmeal.
Your work day is about to get a whole lot better.
-<>-
Speed-ripen bananas in 5 minutes.
You want banana bread, and you want it now. Not tomorrow.
Not next week. NOW. But all you've got is a bunch of nearly-green,
un-ripe bananas.
Bake those bananas for 5 to 7 minutes in a 350-degree oven and voila!
- quick-ripened, perfectly sweet and gooey bananas.
-<>-
Do you wash your shower liners and/or curtains?
If you use a plastic liner or washable plastic shower curtain,
wash on highest water level with regular amount of detergent
and two to three bath towels for cleaning agitation. Hang to
dry or put into the dryer on low heat or air only. If your
shower curtain is fabric or decorative, wash following the
instructions on its care label, or pop it into the dryer on
air or fluff with a fabric softener sheet to freshen.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hints:
|
| /
| /
.~^(,&|/o.
|`-------^|
\ /
`=======' ejm98
Ditch disposable bowls...
...and plates, and knives, and forks. While the temptation of having
nothing to wash up after a meal is hard to resist, increasing the
pile of garbage left after dinner is no way to help the planet.
Following this advice is important for all the reasons it's important
to use cloth napkins over paper ones, and besides: the less you throw
away, the less you spend.
----
Grow your own food
It's nowhere near as complicated or time-consuming as it sounds,
and it'll eliminate the Sasquatch-sized carbon footprint of all
those refrigerated trucks and planes importing berries from
South America. Cherry tomatoes, salad greens, and green beans
are the best foods to grow if saving money is the goal.
For those of us who don't have a garden, simply growing herbs
on a windowsill can save hundreds in the long run.
----
Do you have old T-shirts and socks? Do you wonder what you'll
do with those tattered sheets and towels? Turn them into rags,
and leave your paper towels in the dust. I find that cloth
absorbs spills better than paper, anyways; and not only does
this give you a use for otherwise useless items, you'll save
a bountiful bundle on cleaning supplies.
----
Turn off the tap
It's an all-too-common habit to leave the tap running while
washing your face, brushing your teeth, doing the dishes,
and so on.
Sure, the tap might get a little soapy if you turn it off
while lathering your hands, but think of it like turning off
a light when it;s not being used - it's simple, brings no
inconvenience, and saves a lot of resources in the long run.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Justice With Judge Jeanine 4/6/19 [FULL]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVs3X_qiqdk
Watters' World 4/7/19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBtk8wVNDT0
President Trump To Skip Correspondents Dinner To Do This Instead
https://tinyurl.com/y4la99uu
GOP Senate Concerned About Deep State Corruption
https://tinyurl.com/y6sxh9xl
Ocasio-Cortez Pulls a Hillary, gets laughed at like crazy
https://tinyurl.com/y4a5ctot
U.S. Jobs Grew by 196,000 in March as Hiring Bounces Back
-The Wall Street Journal
https://tinyurl.com/yxmk57qy
Unemployment rate for women is lowest since 1953
https://tinyurl.com/y4twn3xm
Latest Attack in Mexico Shows Depth of Border Crisis
https://tinyurl.com/yxw2plna
Border Shock: 50% Surge in Gang Members, 650,000 Illegal Immigrants Will
Be Freed into US in 2019
-Washington Examiner
https://tinyurl.com/y555ceau
Democrats Need to Help Fix the Border Crisis or Get Out of Trump’s Way
-New York Post
https://tinyurl.com/y4nt3fep
It hasn’t taken long for Ocasio-Cortez to go from American politician to
full blown conspiracy theorist
https://tinyurl.com/y229uadf
Trump Makes April - First Step Act Month, Aiming to Boost Prisoner
Rehabilitation Efforts
https://tinyurl.com/y4supz8w
Westwing News:
How President Trump’s Border Policies Are Boosting Wage Growth
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Sandwiches, Soup, Pet Food
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
There was a reason the British Navy used to give their
sailors daily rations of rum; a mildly inebriated sailor
is much more willing to put a cutlass between his teeth
and risk his life boarding an enemy ship for bloody
hand-to-hand combat. That is one of the side-effects of
alcohol (some people would call it a benefit), a lowering
of inhibitions and frequently common sense. That's why it
is called 'liquid courage'.
So it should be no surprise that when two Arkansas men
came up with a brilliant idea to test out their bulletproof
vest, they had already been drinking for hours. And I'll
give you a hint: they didn't test it by wrapping it around
a tree trunk.
Charles Ferris, 50, and Christopher Hicks, 36, were
drinking on the back deck of Ferris's residence when they
came up the bright idea to shoot themselves.
Ferris, who was wearing a bulletproof vest (not entirely
unusual attire for Arkansas), told Hicks to shoot him,
according to an affidavit. Hicks obliged, firing a single
round from a .22 caliber rifle into Ferris's chest. While
the vest stopped the bullet, Ferris was left with a painful
welt on his chest.
Hicks then donned the vest. Ferris, who would later tell
cops that he was "pissed" about being shot, confessed that
he "unloaded the clip" into Hicks's back. None of the five
rounds penetrated the protective vest, investigators noted,
but Hicks "was bruised from them hitting him."
When Ferris subsequently sought medical treatment for the
shooting injury, hospital workers summoned police.
Both men were subsequently arrested in connection with the
aggravated assault, according to police.
-<>-
All this time you thought Gotham City was in New Jersey. It
turns out it is in British Columbia, Canada. That was where
the caped crusader was last sighted, attempting to render
aid to a police call.
The action was caught by a bystander who caught video of the
incident. Melissa Parent said she was driving home Saturday
evening when a police car pulled out in front of her and
blocked the intersection. After several more police cars
showed up to the area, Batman suddenly appeared on the scene.
"He was followed by five more police cars, so we pulled over
at a safe distance to see what was going on. Before we knew
it, the cops had their guns drawn and Batman came out of
nowhere, parked in front of us in his black Dodge truck
covered in the Batman logo and sprung into action," said
Parent.
As it turned out, police were responding to a domestic
incident and likely didn't need his help. Upon approaching
the armed officers during the incident to offer them
assistance, cops assured him that they "had it under
control."
The realistic-looking crime fighter seen walking back across
the street to his car.
A police spokesman told local media, "Situations like this
are dynamic and subject to change very quickly: the presence
of 'Batman' or anyone else is an unwanted distraction and
foolish as they are placing themselves at risk."
Head over to the
Bizarre News Facebook
to see a pic of the elusive caped crusader.
*--- Who Is Buying All of These Tarantulas? ---*
Philippine authorities said Wednesday they cracked open a
gift-wrapped package shipped from Poland to discover 757
tarantulas crammed into plastic containers. The illicit
payload found at a mail facility near Manila's airport was
the latest seizure in a nation that is a major source and
transit point of wildlife trafficking. Customs thought the
package suspicious and after opening it found boxes for
cookies, oatmeal and tea. Yet the cartons contained dozens
of plastic containers packed with arachnids. The seized
tarantulas -- priced at about $5,700 -- are frequently sold
to hobbyists as pets. Matreo said two people who tried to
claim the package were detained on charges of violating
wildlife protection and customs laws. The seizure comes
about a month after authorities said they had seized about
1,500 exotic turtles, some of which were restrained with
duct tape, crammed into a passenger's bag at Manila airport.
*--- That's One Way to Lose Weight ---*
A couple weeks ago I told you about an Ohio man who decided
to imitate the monks 400 years ago and consume nothing but
beer (and water) during the entire 40 days of Lent. Well,
with just a couple weeks to go, Del Hall has now lost more
than 33 pounds. Hall says he is following the lead of monks
in the 1600s, who would fast during the season by a bock
beer diet. "That would be their liquid bread, and basically
it would sustain them through 46 days of Lent." Hall says
he will have an assortment of beer for breakfast, lunch and
dinner. "Weirdest thing is my dreams, I have been dreaming
about food every night," Hall said. He will also be
documenting his Lent beer diet on social media and will be
tracking his weight.
(An ET-Ahem! - Throwing Woman With Modesty out the window!)
*--- The Biggest Boobs You've Ever Seen ---*
How do you promote acceptance of breastfeeding in public?
If you're a Londoner you do it by displaying giant,
inflatable boobs around the city. And I mean GIANT. They
are 20 feet tall and come complete with giant, erect
nipples. And no, it's not an April Fools joke. Elvie, a
tech firm specializing in products for London, put the
boobs in place as part of their #FreeTheFeed campaign to
empower women to feel safe and comfortable breastfeeding
or pumping anytime, anywhere and encourage the British
public to support them. Tania Boler, CEO of Elvie said:
"The #FreetheFeed campaign is an invitation to everyone
to stand with all those women that have felt shamed or
confined when breastfeeding or pumping. We know the giant
boobs will raise a few eyebrows, but we want to make sure
no one overlooks the way that this stigma has been used
to repress women." The boobs are scattered throughout
London and will remain in place for several days, provoking
conversation and stimulating thousands of adolescent boys.
*--- The Old 'Explosives Under the Toilet Seat' Gag ---*
If the New Jersey firefighter who rigged a firehouse toilet
seat with firecrackers expected his victim to say, 'You
nearly blew off one of my testicles? Ha! That's a good one,'
he was sorely mistaken. Firefighter Thomas Wengerter
admitted to placing firecrackers under the toilet seat as
a prank, but when Raymond Johns sat down he wasn't amused.
Johns said he, "heard and felt an explosion beneath him."
Afterward he discovered he was bleeding from the left side
of his scrotum and a blood blister had formed. Later,
Wengerter denied he was the one who placed the firecracker
on the toilet, but that didn't stop Johns from suing him
for the injuries he suffered. His complaint was dismissed
when a trial judge ruled that Johns couldn't sue his fellow
firefighter over the incident because the injury was covered
under the Workers' Compensation Act.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
_________
|~~ |
| ==== |
| ==== |
|_________|ldb
>A Joke That Doesn't Deliver
Bob: Want to hear a joke about the letter with no stamp?
Frank: Sure.
Bob: Oh, never mind. You'd never get it!
-<>-
______________
/' |
( |
\.______________|
\\. //\\ .//
`\\. .//.
m1a // `\\// \\
|| .//\\. ||
||.// `\\.||
|// `\\|
'' ``
>That's Irony For Ya!
I bet I could quit gambling.
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
It's not my fault I don't take responsibility for my actions.
As I said before, I'll only say this once.
This statement is false.
Don't you hate rhetorical questions?
God, I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!
Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!
The creation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
I can resist everything except temptation.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
Never believe generalizations.
Avoid alliterations always.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
Thank God I'm an atheist.
Just say NO to negativity.
-<>-
>The Psychic and the Frog
A frog telephones a psychic and is told, "You are going to meet a
beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
-<>-
>How Am I As A Lover?
Man: "Be honest, baby... How am I as a lover?"
Woman: "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."
Man: "Really?"
Woman: "Yes, my love, my hero, you're 'warm' as the dictionary would
say!"
The man, pleased, went home and just for sake of it checked his
dictionary, He read, "WARM: Not so hot."
-<>-
/| ,
,/// /|
// // ,///
// // // //
// // || ||
|| || // //
|| || // //
|| || // //
|| || || ||
\\,\|,|\_//
\\)\)\\|/
)-."" .-(
//^\` `/^\\
// | | \\
,/_| 0| _ | 0|_\,
/` `"=.v.="` `\
/` _."{_,_}"._ `\
jgs `/` ` \ ||| / ` `\`
`",_ \\=^~^=// _,"`
"=,\'-=-'/,="
'---'
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
A: Big Foot's been spotted several times.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
A: A jump rope!
Q: Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
A: Hot, because you can catch cold.
Q: Why do giraffes have long necks?
A: Because they have smelly feet.
Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You are too young to smoke."
Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A: Because the farmer had cold hands.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
//
//
//
//
_______||
,-''' ||`-.
( || )
|`-..._______,..-'|
| || |
| _______|| |
|,-'''_ _ ~ ||`-.|
| ~ / `-.\ ,-'\ ~|
|`-...___/___,..-'|
| `-./-'_ \/_| |
| -' ~~ || -.|
jrei ( ~ ~ ~~ )
`-..._______,..-'
At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's
world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was
working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a
year-long research project in India.
One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is
it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get
so far away from you?"
-<>-
I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So
when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to
know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past
20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose
a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'
When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
"Just where do you think you're going?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it:
"Thanks for putting up with me. So long."
-<>-
Two Scotsmen, brothers, Finlay and Jim Calder, were sitting
in the pub discussing Jim's big wedding day.
"Aye, it's going to be grand," said Jim. "I've got everything
organized already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the
reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night."
Finlay smiled and nodded, approvingly.
"Heavens, I've even got a new kilt to be married in,"
continued Jim with a look of satisfaction.
"A kilt, that's grand! You'll look smart in that," exclaimed
Finlay, "and what's the tartan?"
"Och," uttered Jim, "I imagine she'll be in white."
-<>-
I came home one night and my wife was crying.
I said, "what's wrong?"
She said, "I'm home sick."
I said, "But, this IS your home."
"I know," she replied, "and I'm sick of it!"
-<>-
.
\ | /
_\|/_
.' ' ' '. ___
_.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-.
.'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'`
.'.' ||()|()||
.___..-'.' / \
`----'"` / .-. \
(.'.(___).'.)
`.__.-.__.'
jgs |_| |_|
`.`-'.'
`"`
>Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures
of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase
is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still
on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in
public.
6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal
from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case
of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk
down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still
think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting
harder and harder for me to find one now.
-<>-
*
_| __
(__ Question _)
|
*
jgs
>The 5 toughest questions for men are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that each one
is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man
answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore,
as a public service, each question is analyzed below,
along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if
I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a
warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman
you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true
answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by
Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what
I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")
Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more
detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, tons.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about
how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is always: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about
how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question# 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette!")
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
:
;;
/ |
/ |
.' :
.-' '
_.-' /
.-*" / _
.-' .' _.-*?'
.' .' .-" .' __
.' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".'
/ \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .'
: `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .'
; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+.
: .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _(
\ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_(
`*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_(
; `._| | \ )` .'.' `./_" (
: \| GARAGE | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"'
\ | | `----**"T"" " `+. |
`. | S A L E ! ! | ' .' :
_.-*"*- | | / / '
.-*" _ | | __..-'\ / bug
"+,'___..--| |--**"" `-.__.'
"" +----------------+
>Garage Sales
So that you'll never be tempted to participate in a "neighborhood
garage sale," allow me to explain how they go:
Friday night you're up until two in the morning marking prices on
all the junk you're hoping people will buy.
At this point you're almost psychotically optimistic, calculating
the total value of your "inventory" at slightly over twenty-two
thousand dollars. In particular, you're hoping to rid yourself of
a hideous lamp constructed from a stars-and-stripes motorcycle
helmet like the one Peter Fonda wore in Easy Rider, and you give
it a bargain price of $22.
Last year's tag is still clinging to the chin strap; it reads $18.
The garage sale is scheduled to begin at 9:00am. At 6:30 a woman
awakens you by pounding on your door. "I like to get an early
start," she dimples.
When you open the garage door to let her in, there are seven cars
in your driveway. By 11:30 all you've sold is a T-shirt for ten
cents. Worse, your daughter borrowed twenty bucks so she could go
shopping at the neighbors' garage sales.
You mark the motorcycle helmet lamp down to $18.
At noon you leave the operation in your son's hands and go inside
to get some lunch. A stranger is in your bathroom, trying on
clothes. Another wants to know if you have "any more cake."
When you return to the garage, you find your son ecstatic because he
has sold a whole set of garden tools-shovel, axe, rake, spade--for
fifty cents each. You sadly advise him that they weren't for sale in
the first place.
"I wondered why there were no price tags," he replies.
You look around. "Where's my new bicycle?" you gasp, horrified. Your
son tells you one of the neighbor kids is out taking it for a "test
drive."
A little later one of your neighbors shows up to see how you're
doing. "Hey, this Easy Rider lamp is a hoot!" he chuckles. "How much?"
"Since you're a friend, twenty-five bucks," you gush."The tag says
eighteen," he points out."Okay, eighteen."
"I'll give you seventy-five cents."
"Sold!"
It's the high point of the day. Around one there's another rush: Word
has gotten out you're selling garden tools for half a buck each. "I'll
give you a dollar for your lawnmower," one shopper suggests.
You ask him to leave.
A woman picking through the books you're selling wants to know if you
have anything by Carl Hiassen. When you tell her no, she asks if she
can "look inside."
You ask her to leave.
When you step into the house a few minutes later, your son is showing
your ties to the man who ate all your cake. "Why don't you check out
some of the other sales," you suggest to both of them.
Your neighbor calls. "My wife says I can't keep this lamp," he reports.
"I'll have to bring it back."
"All sales are final," you snap.
"Come on, Bruce," he whines. "You can keep the money."
"If you set foot in my driveway, I'll call the police," you warn.
You observe a young man slinking over to the collection of National
Geographics you've priced at a dime apiece. He looks a little like a
thief, and you wonder how fast he's going to be able to run with
eighty pounds of magazines under each arm.
"This is my first garage sale, and I'm a little nervous," he informs
you.
"That's okay."
"I heard on the radio about this guy who bought what looked like a
worthless rock collection, and in it was a sapphire worth two million
dollars," he remarks.
"Oh?" you say politely.
"You got anything like that?"
At 6:00pm the sale is over. It's difficult to calculate your take for
the day because at some point you apparently sold the cash box. The
thought of re-stocking all your stuff back inside the house is too
fatiguing, and you begin transferring it directly to the trash can.
Your son bursts in, effusive over some of the great stuff he's bought.
"Look Dad, only three bucks! Now we have a matched set!" he trumpets,
flourishing his prize.
It is, of course, the motorcycle helmet lamp.
-<>-
A local grade school class in Washington D.C. made a field trip to the
F.B.I. Headquarters. Their host was a Special Agent and the two-hour
tour ended at the gallery containing photos of the Ten Most Wanted
criminals. After explaining the danger to society because of these
criminals, he asked if anyone had a question. One of the children said,
"If you wanted them so bad, why didn't you keep them when you took their
picture?"
-<>-
__---__ ______
/ ___\_ o O O _( )__
/====(_____\___---_ o _( )_
| \ (_ AI-YA!!!! )
| |@ (_ Shot _)
\ ___ / (__ Again!__)
\ __----____--_\____(____\_____/ (______)
==|__----____--______|
/ / \____/)_
/ ______)
/ | |
| _| |
______\______________|______
/ * * \
/_____________*____*___________\
/ * * \
/________________________________\
/ * \
/__________________________________\
| |
|________________________|
| |
|________________________|
unknown (after W< )
Now that another New Year has started, it's time to revisit where we
were a century ago. This ought to boggle your mind!
* 1902 *
The year is 1902, one hundred years ago... what a difference a century
makes. Here are the U.S. statistics for 1902....
The average life expectancy in the US was 47.
Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A 3-min.call Denver to NYC cost $11.
There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily
populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California
was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the US was 22 cents an hour.
The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year. A competent
accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per
year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a
mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.
Ninety percent of all US physicians had no college education. Instead,
they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press
and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee
cost fifteen cents a pound.
The five leading causes of death in the US were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii
and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
There were no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
One in ten US adults couldn't read or write. Only 16 percent of all
Americans had graduated from high school.
There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit
Doggy Road Trip!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogcar.html
Cool Optical illusions 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/optical3.html
Bird Sculpture Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birdart.html
Dog Rescue Stories
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescues.html
Bird Inspirations
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birdinspirations.html
Wood Chip Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodart.html
Identity Theft 4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft4.html
Falkland Islands Babies!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/falklandislands.html
Funny Animal Facts!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo2.html
Beaker The Duck!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beakertheduck.html
Great Horned Owls!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/owl.html
Best Of National Geographic!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestnatgeo.html
Cute Australian Wildlife!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australiaanimals.html
Humorous Signs 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns2.html
Kids Being Kids 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids3.html
Life's Little Oops 10!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops10.html
Zoo Animals!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/zoo.html
Little Help Please!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/helpplease.html
Spring / Easter Index:
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
>From Survival Update:
Expedition Planned to Prove the Earth Is Flat
https://tinyurl.com/y4ftpygn
*Before Roswell There Was Another Crash With Alien Bodies*
https://tinyurl.com/y5sqc8ek
*From Garbage To Garden*
https://tinyurl.com/y37xaw2r
How to Prepare Kids for Survival
https://tinyurl.com/y6hn6djt
Defilement of The Catholic Churches in France
https://tinyurl.com/y6lazfbw
-<>-
Funny Monkey babies - Playing like Little imps!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiiidKMEmcA
Kids Say the Darndest Things - ART LINKLETTER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UgLpRvX7Qk
Candid Camera Classic: Lousy Plates!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-Bqs9QPLjw
Candid Camera Classic: The Restroom
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGis8BhRPFY
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
1. An interesting look at various historical photos that have been
colorized from the original black and white photo. The series of
photos begins in the 1850’s and proceeds through the Civil War and
late 1800’s into the 20th Century where the reality of how many
years were spent in war hits home. The photos conclude with one from
1982 of Pope John Paul II demonstrating the meaning of forgiveness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grx3mmreXpA
2, An interesting look at some historical photos that have been
colorized from the original black and white photo. The series of
photos begins in the 1850’s and proceeds through the Civil War and
late 1800’s into the 20th Century. Adding color to these old photos
really brings them to life and gives the viewer a different perspective
than the black and white photo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dov50PAsj5M
---
...Awww, the value of historic Photos! Amazing! Thanks LouiseAu!
We have some of those as well (to list a few) here:
Kodachrome Photos From 1942/43
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kodachrome1942.html
Rare Historical Photos
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/historyphotos.html
Forever Hollywood!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hollywood.html
Old US Cites Photos!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uscities.html
Nostalgic Golden Memories!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goldenoldie.html
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A new study reports that older women are doing more and
more binge drinking. I asked my mom if that was true and
she said, 'I love you, man.'" -Conan O'Brien
"A 16-year-old boy in Bosnia broke a world record this
week by smashing 111 concrete blocks with his head in 34
seconds. Get an Xbox! You don't have to do that. When
asked how it felt to break the world record, the boy said,
'Lampshade tricycle is my favorite flavor of pizza truck.'"
-James Corden
"Arby's is facing multiple lawsuits currently, after a data
breach exposed the credit card information of over 350,000
customers. The data breach could reveal potentially
embarrassing information, like the fact that they ate at
Arby's." -Seth Meyers
"Industry experts are speculating that Chipotle could be
planning to add breakfast options. Of course, Chipotle
already has a breakfast option. It's the half a burrito
you woke up next to." -Seth Meyers
"A school in Tennessee is facing criticism for separating
students with bad grades from students with good grades
at lunch. Thats crazy! You dont use grades to separate
kids. Everyone knows that kids should be separated by
clothes, looks, and how much money their parents make."
-Jimmy Fallon
"Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25,
not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first
time you eat at a Denny's while sober." -Conan O'Brien
"Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by
the end of the century. On the bright side, they say it
could happen much sooner." -Conan O'Brien
"It's the first day of spring, so congratulations to the
people of Nebraska, who survived winter. Now all you've
got to do is get through severe thunderstorm and tornado
season." -James Corden
"The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week
that said more Americans should start going on walks.
Then to everyone's surprise, he added, 'Even if you're
just going out to have a smoke. Just stand up for once.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
Loving someone gives you strength; being loved by someone gives
you courage.
No great advance has ever been made in science, politics, or
religion, without controversy.
-- Lyman Beecher
My license plate says PMS. Nobody cuts me off.
-- Wendy Liebman
I stayed up one night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
-- Stephen Wright
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
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FUN URLS
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
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