Speak Klingon And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) !|| !|||| ,/|||| !|'''| `\ | )\ \ ejm / \ \ \ Please put Paul in your prayers to be back to normal, - he is in the hospital right now. Also pleease keep Mona in your prayers. She has stabilized but needs your prayers to stay that way and to get back to her normal weight. - Thank you all so much! -<>- >HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super scorcher is from our friend Bunni. Amazing what they can make into cakes! These are so seasonably fun! Check it out here... . // _.-"""""'//-'""""-._ .', , , , : : ` ` ` `. / , , \'-._ : :_.-'/ ` ` \ / , , :\(_)\ /(_)/ : ` ` \ | , , , \__//\\__/ . . ` ` | | . .:_ : : '--`: : . _: ; :| | : : \\_ _' : _: :__// , , | \ ` ` \ \/ \/\/ \_/ / , , / \ ` ` \_/\_/\_/\_/\/ , , / `._ ` . : : : , , _.' `-..............-' bni Halloween Cakes 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hcakes2.html --- ...LOL! Such a spooky fun one! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >-->As Seen On FoxNews: UFO'S Explained _,--=--._ ,' _ `. - _(_)_o - ____' /_ _/] `____ -=====::(+):::::::::::::::::(+)::=====- (+).""""""""""""",(+) . , ` -=- ' cjr Government report on secret flying saucer program made available Recently declassified documents from the U.S. Air Force reveal a Cold War-era plan to build a round, vertical take-off and landing aircraft that can only be described as a flying saucer. The truth isn’t out there … it’s been stored in a warehouse for 56 years. The National Declassification Center in College Park, Md., opened one of more than 100 cardboard boxes from the Air Force recently and came across a 114-page document from 1956 sure to interest the tin-foil-hat crowd: a document describing a secret program by the Air Force to build a flying saucer. Read more: http://tinyurl.com/98xhvpr --- ...This explains it - people back then were not nuts! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Owls - A True Story Each evening bird lover Tom Rowe stood in his __ __ backyard in Devon, England, hooting like an \ `-'"'-` / owl -- and one night, an owl called back to him. / \_ _/ \ For a year, the man and his feathered friend | d\_/b | hooted back and forth. Rowe even kept a log .'\ V /'. of the "conversation." Just as Rowe thought / '-...-' \ he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter- | / \ | species communication, his wife had a chat with \/\ /\/ next door neighbour, Nancy Hollis. jgs==(||)---(||)== "My husband spends his nights... calling out to owls," said Mrs. Rowe. "That's odd," Mrs. Hollis replied. "So does my John." Then it dawned on them. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE OCTOBER HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 22 is National Nut Day October 23 is National Mole Day October 24 is National Bologna Day October 25 is Punk For A Day Day October 26 is Mule Day October 27 is Sylvia Plath Day October 28 is Plush Animal Lover's Day and National Chocolate Day ======================================================= >-->From TheMasti: .--. .--. (_ _) "SICK" (_ _) I CANNOT GO TO SCHOOL TODAY )( -by Shel Silverstein )( Said little Peggy Ann McKay. /__\ /__\ [____] __,--"""""""--,__ [____] "I have the measles and the mumps, ) ( _/ \_ ) ( A gash, a rash, and purple bumps. \__/ / ((((((()))) \ \__/ My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, [ _]/ (((((((())))))) \[ ] I'm going blind in my right eye. [(_`"-._((((((( ))))))--"`_) ] [ ) (((( ,_ _, )))) ( ] My tonsils are as big as rocks, [ / (() |*| |*| (() \ ] I've counted sixteen chicken pox. [/ ()) ''' ''' ()) \ ] And there's one more- ( (() '' ^ '' (() )] ...that's seventeen! [ ())'. C====O.'()) / ] And don't you think [(\_/) (() '-._____.-' (()( ( ] ...my face looks green? ./o o\())____/ \____())____) . :(= Y =)@-----'---`-----@--------: My leg is cut, my eyes are blue- |/`----'/|\ /|\ \It might be instamatic flu. |``________________________________ I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke | |\'.'''.'''.".'.'".'..'".'.'.'."" I'm sure that my left leg is broke. | |'\.'"..'...."'"'..'...'.'.'.'.'..'.\ | |.'\.''.'...'''"'..'..'.'.'.'..'. My hip hurts when I move my chin, | |.'.\.'"..'.'."".'".'..'.'.".'.'. My belly button's caving in, | |.'.'\'.".'.".'.".''.'".'.'".'.'. My back is wrenched, | |.".'.\'.'..'.".'.'.-".'.'.'.- '.' ...my ankle's sprained, | |.'.' .\'.'.''.''.''.''.'.'.''.'' My 'pendix pains each time it rains. | |'.'.' .\'".'.-".'.''".''.-'".'.'.'.".'.'.'.\ \ |.'.'." .\".'.'-'.'".'..'.'.'.'.' My nose is cold, my toes are numb, \|.'.'..".'\".'.''.'..".'.''-'''.' I have a sliver in my thumb. \'.'.'.''.'\.'.''.'..'".'.'..'.'. My neck is stiff, my spine is weak. \.'.'.'".'.\'.'".'.'.'".'.".".'. I hardly whisper when I speak. \'".'.".".'\".'.'.".'.'-".'.".'.'.'."."-".'.'.'\ \.'.".'.".'\'.'.".'-'.''.'.'.'.'.'.".'.'.".'.'.\ \'.'.'".".'\'.'.".'.-''".".'. My tongue is filling up my mouth, \'.".'.'.".\'.'.'.'.".'.'.'. I think my hair is falling out. \".'.".'.".\".'-".." .".'.' My elbow's bent- \ \'.".''.".'\".'.'." .'.' ". ...my spine ain't straight. \".'.-'.".'\.'.'- .'.".'. My temperature is one-o-eight. \".".'.'.'|~.-~~-.~~-~.'~-~-.-'~-~..~~'-~-~-~-~| \'.'.''.'|.".'.'..-'.'. My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, \".'..".|".''.''.'.".' There is a hole inside my ear. \'.".'.|".''..'.'.'.' I have a hangnail, and my heart is- \".'.'|".-.'..'..-'.' ...WHAT? \'.'.|.'.'.-'.'.'.".'..'".'.'.".'.'.".'"..| \'.'|'.'.".'.'..'. What's that? What's that you say? \.'|".''.'-'.'.'. You say today is...Saturday? \'|.-.'-'.-".'." G'bye, I'm going out to play!" \|jgs''.'.'.'.'.'-'.'".'.'.'".'.'.'.'"| ~~~~`~~~`~~~``~~~~```~~~~~`~~~~`~~~~~ >Hilarious sick notes by parents lease excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33 Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. Please excuse Brenda, she has been sick and under the doctor. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night. -<>- >PSYCHOLOGIST & LAWYER _________________________________________________________ ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||.--. .-._ .----. || |||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ || ||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---||| |||==| | | | | \ | | |_\/_|Black| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ ||| |||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---||| ||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| || ___ .-.__.-----. .---.|| || |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^||| || , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q ||| || _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R ||| || '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y ||| ||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z ||| || _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^||| || `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||_______________________________________________________|| A guy asked a girl in a library; “Do you mind if I sit beside you”? The girl answered with a loud voice; I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!! All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and she told him “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?” The guy responded with a loud voice: "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT’S TOO MUCH!!! And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears; “I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty" ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) {politics] ==^== |[[[| |[[[| '---' ptr >Found In Abby's Trash Basket: Dear Abby: I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth . One of my sisters lives in Cut & Shoot, and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas . I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part time 'working girl'. All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her. Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barack Obama and plans to vote for him for President? Signed, Worried About My Reputation --- ...LOL! Oh Boy No Wonder she threw it away! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) -----------------------------/ ^^^^^^^ \ / | | * * | | / | ) | ||\__/ @ \__/ \/ \ / /----------\______/ \ // '-' ||=|= ||=|= unknown >And then it is Winter. You know... time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well...seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit! And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over... its over. Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime. So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, what ever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!! "Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one. LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! LOVE GOD! BE THANKFUL! HAVE A GREAT DAY! Remember: It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. Life Is Too Short Life is too short to let even one day be frenzied or frazzled or frittered away. Life is too short not to take time to do the things that will hold the most meaning for you. So let yourself float like a leaf on a stream, relax with your memories and let yourself dream. Throw out your list that's impossibly long, and dance a few steps to a favorite song... Turn off the news and go find someone real who'll listen and talk and affirm what you feel. Life is too short and flies by if you let it, so choose what you want every day-- and go and get it. --- ...Great Advice! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) ___ ___)__|_ .-*' '*-, / /| |\ \ ; /_| |_\ ; ; |\ /| ; ; | ''--...--'' | ; \ ''---.....--'' / ''*-.,_______,.-*' low >From one pumpkin to another! A woman was asked by a coworker, "What is it like to be a Christian?" The coworker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin." God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see." This was passed on to me by another pumpkin. Now it's your turn to pass it to other pumpkins. I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch. --- ...A sweet One! Thanks KarenF! -<>- __J"L__ ,-"`--...--'"-. / /\ /\ \ J /__\ _ /__\ L | / \ | J _ """ _ F \ \\/\_/\// / "-._\/\_/\/_,-"Krogg """"""" >Ole's Fire Insurance The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Minnesota to insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in Arizona !!! The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, "Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00." I always did find the Minnesota logic far superior to most others. --- ...LOL! Thanks KarenF! ============================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From ConservativeVideos: Chris Christie Tears Into Obama http://tinyurl.com/9cqhobz -<>- >From GodfatherPolitics: Obama's UN Friends to Guard Polls Against "Conservative Groups" http://tinyurl.com/8cv85un -<>- >From ConservativeByte: Government Wakes Up to Cataclysmic Threat http://tinyurl.com/9qzkz8z -<>- >From CowboyByte: The last presidential debate: A wish list http://tinyurl.com/9odenek -<>- >From BizarreNews: The sea has mystified and terrified humankind for ages. There is just so much of it. And it's dangerous, unpredictable and indomitable, not to mention bizarre! Ancient man attributed all sorts of fantastical creatures to the sea. The Bible, in the book of Revelation, describes a monster with seven heads and ten horns that rises from the ocean. In the book of Job you meet Leviathan, a massive sea- monster who's impervious to human weapons, breathes fire, and emits smoke from his nostrils. And we can almost forgive the ancients their wild imaginations when we consider some of the incredible things the actually do live in the oceans like narwhals, whale sharks and giant squid...and some creatures that have yet to be discovered in the unexplored depths. Like creatures with giant, softball- sized eyeballs. Word that a giant eyeball washed up on a South Florida beach has created a buzz on the Internet and in the marine biology community. A man found the eyeball while taking a morning stroll along Pompano Beach just north of Fort Lauderdale. He contacted state wildlife officials, who took possession of the specimen. The huge, blue eyeball may have come from a deep sea squid or a large sword fish, said Heather Bracken-Grissom, an assistant professor in the marine science program at Florida International University in Miami. The professor and her colleagues concluded that the eyeball's lens and pupil are similar in shape to that of a deep sea squid. She noted that a deep sea squid's eyeball can be as large as a soccer ball and can easily become dislodged. The mystery likely won't be solved until testing on the eyeball is completed at the Florida Fish and Wildlife Research Institute in St. Petersburg. *-- Preschool teacher crams 19 kids into car --* PRETORIA, South Africa - Police in South Africa said they pulled over a preschool teacher who was found to have crammed 19 kids into her car for a trip to a shopping center. Pretoria police said Melanie Minnie, a faculty member at Rietfontein Nursery School, was pulled over in her Renault Clio and officers found she was driving 19 children back to the school from a local shopping center, The Mirror, London, reported Monday. Police said three children were in the front seat, 10 were in the backseat and six were found riding in the boot of the car. It was unclear whether any of the children were wearing seatbelts. The woman told officers she had already ferried a carload of 10 children back to the school. "It was the first time we went on an outing, and the last. I'll never do it again," Minnie told police. Minnie was fined about $160 for overloading her car. *-- Teen had photo taken with 840 animals --* FORT COLLINS, Colo. - A Colorado 16-year-old who has been photographed with 840 animal species says his goal is to get pictures with every animal on the planet. Tallon Nightwalker of Fort Collins said his quest began when he was 5 and his father took his picture with a bullsnake he was working with at the Fort Collins wildlife sanctuary, The Denver Post reported Monday. The teenager and his father, Bob Nightwalker, said they figure they have about 25,000 more pictures to take. "There is no doubt this has brought us together," Bob Nightwalker said. "But just as importantly, I think Tallon is helping save many of these animals, many of whom some people have never heard of before." Tallon has posted the pictures, which all feature living animals without barriers between boy and beast, on a Facebook page titled "Tallon Nightwalker's Animal Pictures." *-- Man runs marathon in flip flops --* BALTIMORE - A man who completed the Baltimore Marathon in 2 hours, 46 minutes and 58 seconds in flip flops said he will seek to enter the Guinness Book of World Records. Keith Levasseur said he was ecstatic to complete all 26.2 miles of Saturday's race under his goal of three hours, and he is planning to see if his feat qualifies for the Guinness Book of World Records, Boston.com reported Thursday. "I knew it was all about maintaining a very efficient and balanced stride," Levasseur told Runner's World. "There were times when my feet and ankles would get tired from maintaining a more rigid stride than I might otherwise have and I would start landing more on the outside of the my foot and cause my heel to slip off the sandal. It only happened a few times and when it did, it would refocus my concentration on my stride and posture." *-- Jeweler offers free gun with purchase --* NORTH LIBERTY, Iowa - An Iowa jewelry store is offering free hunting rifles to customers who purchase engagement rings before the end of October. The Jewelry By Harold store in North Liberty said the "buy her a diamond and receive a free hunting rifle" promotion will begin Thursday and run through Oct. 31, KCRG-TV, Cedar Rapids, reported Tuesday. "Fun is more important than anything else. We try to put some fun in it," store owner Harold van Beek said. "Hunting season is coming up. I thought this is cool so let's do something for the boy who doesn't like to hunt for diamonds, but likes to hunt for deer." Van Beek said customers who buy diamond engagement rings costing $1,999 or more prior to the end of the month will receive vouchers for free Remington 870 hunting rifles at Fin and Feather in Iowa City. "Diamonds are a girl's best friend," van Beek said. "So say: I'm hunting deer, and here is a diamond ring, dear." ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ____ /^\ / -- ) / | \ (____/ / | | \ / / /_|_|_|_/ / | / / __ __ __ | / /__ __ __ [ ]__[ ]__[ ]. / /[ ]__[ ]__[ ] |__ ____/ /___ __| | / .------ ) | | / / / | SheDragon | / / / | ~~~~~~~~~~~~-----------~~~~~~~~ldb~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." -<>- While I was dining out with my children, a friend of my neighbor, who recognized us, came over to our table, and we started talking. He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we homes- chooled them. With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family. I said, "No, I also work... but out of our home." Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in. "He was born at home," I answered. The man looked at me and said, "You don't get out much, do you?" -<>- When we finished a personality assessment at work, I asked my friend Dan if he would share the results with his wife. "That would require me to go home and say, 'Hi, honey. I just paid someone $400 to tell me what's wrong with me,'" he said. "And based on that, considering we've been married 23 years, she'd hand me a bill for about $798,000." -<>- During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches. During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Excited, I wrote down my phone number. Looking startled for a moment, he flipped the napkin over and drew another # sign, this time adding an X to the upper- left-hand corner. -<>- _ , (_\______/________ \-|-|/|-|-|-|-|/ \==/-|-|-|-|-/ \/|-|-|-|,-' \--|-''' \_j________ (_) (_) hjw >CUSTOMER'S GUIDE TO SUPERMARKET SHOPPING 1. When in the express lane, make sure that all items are rung up and bagged before you start looking for your check- book. Then, after you make a futile search for your pen, borrow one from the clerk and make sure your checkbook is balanced before giving up the check. 2. Never get into the 10-Items-or-Less line with less than 12 items. IT'S THE LAW!!! 3. When in the 10-Items-or-Less line and you have your 12 to 20 items, always ask the clerk if it's okay. That way, if he says "yes," then the people behind you will get mad at HIM, not you. If he says "no," then YOU can get mad at him. Either way, you win! 4. Save all your pennies and dump them in the bottom of your purse so that when you are in the express lane you won't be embarrassed by spending all that time looking for one and not finding any. 5. When asked if you want paper or plastic, take all the time you need to make the right decision. Don't be rushed. Get it right. If you're not sure just say, "BAG." That way they will have to ask you again, giving you more time to decide. You may want to practice this at home in case you are ever asked this question at a grocery store. 6. Always, and I repeat, ALWAYS tell the checker your reason for choosing paper or plastic. Checkers by nature are very curious and if you should fail to give them your reason for choosing paper over plastic, the clerk is liable to lie awake at night wondering why you didn't choose plastic. 7. Always keep this in mind: If something is heavy and you don't want to lift it out of the basket and put it on the belt. Don't fret whether the checker will automatically know the price. After all, everyone knows how smart those clerks are. 8. Since everyone knows how ignorant those clerks are, you must always remember to tell them to not put the eggs and bread in the bottom of the bag. 9. Feel free to ask your clerk anything you may want to know. All checkers are experts on how to prepare whatever meal you should decide to make that night. They can give you precise directions to anywhere in the state you might want to go. They can tell you the best restaurant around, the kind of wine you will like best or anything else you may need to know about life. 10. Don't forget rule NO. 8 11. After waiting in the checkout line for several minutes and it's finally your turn at the counter, be sure to tell the clerk that more help is needed. He will certainly ensure that there is plenty of help next time. 12. When the clerk greets you and asks how you're doing, don't feel pressured into answering him. After all the clerk has to be polite-- but you don't have to. 13. When the store is not busy and there is only one check- stand with a light on, be sure to ask the nearest clerk which check stand is open. You don't want to take a chance being tricked into the wrong one. 14. If the clerk asks you if you know the price of an item and you don't, tell him it's "2-something" or "3-something." The clerks love that because they don't get to use their SOMETHING keys very often. -<>- During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room. Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self- restraint, meekness, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't need if you had stayed single." ====================================================== >-->From Laugh&Lift: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Viruses in Your Computer: A WORD WITH YOU (By Ron Hutchcraft) It's sad, but we - like a lot of people - have had to institute a lot of safety precautions to protect our computers. Things like not opening any e-mail attachments or putting foreign diskettes in each other's computers. There's this dreaded word for anyone who owns a computer - virus. Now, this is not "take two aspirin and call me in the morning" stuff. No, we're talking technical viruses that can get into your systems and wreak havoc with your data and your equipment. That's why the first display I see when I turn my computer on says "Virus Scan." There are plenty of horror stories of what happened when one of these little alien invaders got into a computer system. We're talking total meltdown in some cases. It really does pay to go to extra effort to keep those invaders out! Well, I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Viruses in Your Computer." You may be a computer whiz or a computer zero - but you own one of the most sophisticated computers on earth. It's called your brain. And your mental computer is no different from an electronic computer - it has to be protected from deadly viruses that infiltrate your software and cause expensive damage. That's why our word for today from the Word of God in 1 Peter 2:11 warns: "Abstain from sinful desires, which war against the soul." There are wrong desires that literally start a war in your soul. And whatever feeds those destructive desires is a virus in your mind and heart that you cannot afford - no matter how exciting; no matter how interesting it appears to be. That's why God says the strategy for keeping your soul from being poisoned is simple - abstain. Stay away from sinful desires and the influences that feed them. In fact, as 2 Timothy 2:22, says, run away from them! There are things that millions of people are watching that you can't afford to watch - actually, neither can they. Because those things plant spiritual viruses in your heart. There are things you can't afford to listen to. There are places you can't afford to go to, things you can't afford to read, and websites you can't afford to visit. Because of the poison. Because of what it does to your soul - to your life. Lustful images, suggestive humor, sexual scenes, sexual themes - they get into your thought system and they stay there for years. You never seem to forget a dirty joke. Right? And wrong desires slowly start to dominate so many of your thoughts - without even realizing it, you reach a point where you can't help thinking wrong, thinking dirty, thinking sin. If you're married, these moral viruses dilute and pollute your focus on the one person you should be directing all your desire to - your covenant love. If you're not marriedd, the viruses twist and distort your whole perspective on the opposite sex. They continually bring you down in the battle to be pure. And those sin-viruses get planted in your heart and they literally block the flow of God's power into your life, much like plaque in an artery keeps the blood from getting through. You have no idea how powerful your life could be, how much more God could use you, if you'd clean the viruses of sinful thoughts out of your system. Thank God, the Bible says it is possible to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). But you have to set boundaries that will keep out the viruses that are all over your TV screen, your radio, magazines, books, CDs, the Internet. It's a battle to keep these alien invaders out of your system, but it's a battle worth fighting. Get your Virus Scan activated, and avoid anything that can enter your heart, poison your system, and cause lifelong damage. [Copyright (c) 2003, Ron Hutchcraft. Permission to distribute this material via email, or individual copies, is automatically granted on the condition it will be used for non-commercial purposes, and will not be sold. To reproduce "A Word With You" transcripts in any other format, including Internet websites, written permission is needed from Ron Hutchcraft.] -<>- After thousands of years, we have advanced to the point where we bolt our doors and windows and turn on our burglar alarms, while the jungle natives sleep in open-door huts... -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >The Monkey's Disgrace (Author Unknown) Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree, Discussing things that are said to be; Said one to the others, "Now listen you two, There's a certain rumor that can't be true: That man descended from our noble race, The very idea is a disgrace! "No monkey ever deserted his wife, Starved her babies, and ruined her life; And you've never known a mother monk, To leave her babies with others to bunk, Or pass them on from one to the other, Till they scarcely know who is their mother. "And another thing you'll never see, A monk build a fence round a coconut tree, And let the coconuts go to waste, Forbidding all other monks to taste; Why, if I put a fence around a tree, Starvation will force you to steal from me! "Here's another thing a monk won't do: Go out at night and get in a stew, Or use a gun, a club or a knife, To take some other dumb monkey's life! Yes, they can theorize and they can discuss but, brother, he didn't descend from us!" -<>- The Laugh _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb >Quick Jokes When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." --------- "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man. The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???" ----------- "It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other." "Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher. "But you only have two ears." "You see, sir? I'm no good at math, either." -------- We took the family to one of those restaurants where the walls are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went off to see the hostess about reserving a table. When I returned, I found my 11-year-old daughter staring at a poster of Superman, standing in a phone booth. She looked puzzled. "She doesn't know who Superman is?" I whispered to my husband. "Worse," he replied. "She doesn't know what a phone booth is." -------- After the Sunday school teacher told the story of the Prodigal Son to the class, she asked, "Was anyone sorry when the Prodigal Son returned?" One boy answered, "The fatted calf." -------- After hearing his dad preach on "justification," "sanctification," and all the other "-ations," a minister's son was ready when his Sunday school teacher asked if anybody knew what "procrastination" meant. The boy said, "I'm not sure what it means, but I know our church believes in it!" -------- After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac." -------- The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." --------- A little girl was fascinated when her grandfather took out his false teeth and began brushing them. She asked him to remove his teeth again. She stood there amazed, then demanded, 'Now, take off your nose.' ---------- A three-year-old found his dad's military identification tag and asked his mother what it was. His mother replied, "It's your father's dog tag." The child then asked, "When was daddy a dog?" --------- A window salesman phoned a customer. "Hello, Mr. Brown," said the sales rep. "I'm calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you still haven't sent us a single payment." Mr. Brown replied, "But you said they'd pay for THEMSELVES in 12 months." --------- It was the end of the day when a cop parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner was barking and he saw a little boy staring in at him. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," he replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?" -<>- ___ ( ) ~=====~ ^ ^ e e | (A portrait of Stan Laurel, symbol of fun) - \_/ >Funny Thoughts 1. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. 2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 3. Life is sexually transmitted. 4. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. 5. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. 7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. 8. Get the last word in: Apologize. 9. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? -<>- Klingon Empire | | | ' ` | | | | ' ` .-'| |`-. / / \ \ |__,\ / | -' \\ //\_ | ,-' ___\\.// `-__ /__,--' `--.____-- `-._____.-' >Speak Klingon? Who knew that watching Star Trek could lead to a new career path? According to a May 12, 2003 Associated Press story, the Klingon language created for the "Star Trek" TV series and movies is one of about 55 needed by the office that treats mental health patients in Oregon's Multnomah County. "We have to provide information in all the languages our clients speak," said Jerry Jelusich, a procurement specialist for the county Department of Human Services, which serves about 60,000 mental health clients. Although created for works of fiction, Klingon was designed to have a consistent grammar, syntax and vocabulary. Researchers have found that many people consider it a complete language. "There are some cases where we've had mental health patients where this was all they would speak," said one county spokesperson. County officials said that obligates them to respond with a Klingon- English interpreter, putting the language of starship Enterprise officer Worf and other Klingon characters on a par with common languages such as Russian and Vietnamese. -<>- >Good News, Bad News for Pastors Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river. Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card. Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it. Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position. Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do. Bad News: The choir mutinied. Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons. Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre." Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking. Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage. Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks. Bad News: You were on vacation. Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church. Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination. Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit. Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house. -<>- Note from Chris: I love this stupid joke... :) :) . . ) ( _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _(.--.) {{ { { { { { { { { { { ( '_') jgs >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>`--'> >The Talking Centipede A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him... So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?" ... YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ... This time, a little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!" 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Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Fall, Frankenstein, Ghost, Halloween, Haunted House http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html Monsters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html Vampire, Vulture, Witch, Wolf, Words:Hal-boop, Words:Hallo http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html [Story] Fear: Feeling Kind of Buggy http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/fearfeelingkindofbuggy.html Bible Study: Haunting http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/haunting.html Bible Study: Slain In The Spirit http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/slaininthespirit.html Chapel With Bone Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chapel.html Darvaza - Door To Hell http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/darvaza.html Enter At Your Own Risk! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/risky.html Endangered Wolf http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolf.html Farmers Gone Wild! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/farm.html Autumn Of Life http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/life.html Butchart Gardens [great Fall photos] http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bgardens.html Expensive Hotel Rooms http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Undersea Restaurant http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html Treat Yourself or Your Sweet to a SPA! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html Harvest Moonbow http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonbow.html Romantic Castles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/castles.html Horse Costumes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsecostumes.html -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) Hundreds of Pumpkin Carving Patterns http://www.pumpkinpile.com/ --- ...Cool! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) Boatlift 9/11 Please watch !!!!! http://www.youtube.com/embed/MDOrzF7B2Kg?rel=0 ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Season 15 of 'Dancing With the Stars' premiered last night. Is it really the 15th season? Seems like just yesterday I wasn't watching the first season." -Jay Leno "In New York City, muggings for Apple products are up 40 percent. Even worse, if you have the new iPhone people camp out overnight to mug you." -Conan O'Brien "This week, a man in Missouri reeled in a live grenade when he went fishing. Or as one fish put it, 'That's for my brother.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A new sleep study suggested that insomnia is linked to early death. Well that should help you doze off. If you weren't sleeping before, this should knock you right out." -Jay Leno "Clint Eastwood has won so many awards, it's easier to name the awards he hasn't won, The Soul Train Award - I think that's about it." --Craig Ferguson "A new study found that running for two minutes is just as good for you as working out for 90 minutes. That doesn't sound like a study - it sounds like something a chubby guy says after being on the treadmill for two minutes." -Jimmy Fallon "According to a survey by nationwide mutual insurance, 2 percent of people actually shave while they're driving. They shave! How many guys would like to be in the car with those women?" --Jay Leno "TLC is coming out with a new reality show about a group of Amish people who move to New York City. It's called 'Here Comes Honey Jebediah Jebediah.'" -Jimmy Fallon "The reality is earth contains only so much fossil fuel. So the solution is obvious. If oil comes from fossils, then we should genetically engineer more dinosaurs. What could possibly go wrong?" -Craig Ferguson "I don't make jokes, I just watch the government and report the facts." -- Will Rogers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chrristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************