Speed Trap And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first super hottie is from our friend Linda. I do love trains and cars - put these two together, and we have an awesome page of nostalgia! Give this one time to load and check it out here... \ / __ \/ _ ---===##===---_________________________-------------- _ [ ~~~=================###=###=###=###=###=================~~ ] / || | |~\ ;;;; PKP ;;; ET22-689 ;;;; /~| | || \ /___||__| | \ ;;;; [_] ;;;; / | |__||___\ [\ |__| ;;;; ;;;; ;;;; ;;; ;;;; ;;;; ;;;; |__| /] (=| ____[-]_______________________________________[-]____Kraq|=) / /___/|#(__)=o########o=(__)#||___|#(__)=o#########o=(__)#|\___\ _________-=\__/=--=\__/=--=\__/=-_____-=\__/=--=\__/=--=\__/=-______ Old Trains And Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trainsandcars.html --- ...Love it! Thanks Linda! This next hot new page is from our friend Geniann. This one is sure to melt your heart. So adorable! Give it time to load and check it out here... z z Z .--. Z Z / _(c\ .-. __ | / / '-; \'-'` `\______ \_\/'/ __/ ) / ) | \--, | \`""`__-/ .'--/ /--------\ \ \\` ///-\/ / /---;-. '-' jgs (________\ \ '-' Map Time! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/naptime.html --- ...Such a sweet one! Thank You Geniann! -<>- .-""""--. / ) / --"` / _`:---. | .-' `\ \ / .----'./ \ : ,-' ~(.).)\ \_| \ ._) | / | \.__, / _.--' )`///-,-' / / _| (_\\ | (____/____) \ ___/ | _ `---( ` ) `-, .' (__.'._/'._/ |`| | __/ / / // | `--. || /_____) jgs `=---` *~* We Had A Most Remarkable Month Of Sharing Last Month! Be sure to check these out and share them with all your friends... Church Mouse http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/churchmouse.html Brilliant Logos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/logos.html Hill Of Crosses http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hillofcrosses.html Largest Bunny http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bunny.html Rare Packard RV http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/packardrv.html Got A Nanosecond 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano5.html Alzheimer's Through Artist Eyes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dementiaandart.html Morons At Work 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork3.html 3D Chalk Art 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart8.html Wedding Fails http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddingfails.html _ ______ / `'. ,-"` '. / /'-.'. ___ .' \ \/ '.\.' ' | .| .'`\ | /`"'--., / \ , _.--'` \/_ | ,----.| _ `_--;` ``` `\-. | | \ | -- C -- _/ \ \ | \ 0 0 / . | | \| ) | '. _.' |.__/ ; \ `'---` / / __ '. .' | (__) /'-._____,-` \ /---'.-""-.\ '. / ||,- \\ ;---`;-._||-= |\ , ."""-. \ ) `|'.___.' \ ___ \'. / '-. \ /`-`-; / \ ,/ `) \ \| \ `` | | \|| / /'.| )_ / || | | \/ .' \ \ .-'/ ` |` |.-' .-~ ~-~-._ |.'` \ ` '-. \___/,__/ ~` _ `~~-., `-.,_\_)`-.,_\) `~-,___ ~___~,,..-~~/ jgs \___/`\____/'._.' * May God Abundantly Bless All Our Sweet Contributors! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Hiring A New Cashier .::::, {{{{{;}}}} The bank manager was in the final stages of {{{{/ `}}}}} hiring a cashier and was down to two final {}}}}} _ _| applicants -- one of which would get the job. {{(`--(./-\.) {| _\ | The first one interviewed was from a small | \ __ / college in upstate New York. A nice young man, | '.__/ but a bit timid. .'` \ |_ jgs '-__ / `- Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. Your hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called." Jim answered" I don't care ...Yim ... or Mr. Yonson." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 4 is Star Wars Day May 5 is Cinco de Mayo, National Hoagie Day and Oyster Day May 6 is National Teachers Day and National Nurses Day May 7 is National Tourism Day May 8 is Iris Day and Military Spouses Day and No Socks Day May 9 is International Migratory Bird Day and National Train Day May 10 is Clean up Your Room Day and Mother's Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ________ .' / / ) / /##/ /| / `--' / | /__ __ __ / | //_//_//_// / __ //_//_//_// / \`.___ Listening end //_//_//_// / //_//_//_// /__ / / / \`.___ Buttons / .-. / / / /#/ / / / `-' / /__ / .====. / / \`.___ Speaking end |`--------' / \ , .'__ `-//----' \`.___ Disconnect button // // (()) (()) (()) __ (()) \`.___ The usual messy stuff (much longer IRL) (()) (()) | (()) | (()) /| (()) .--.|| (()) | ||| __ (()) .| ||| \`.___ Wall (()) .'.| ||| (())___.'.' `--'|| `------' \| | VK | >AT&T (Note: A bit long but well worth it if you have ever been annoyed by telemarketing phone calls ... Tom) AT&T Copyright Robert Byron All Rights Reserved Used by Permission One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T... Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T. Me: OK, hold on. At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting. Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T... Me: The phone company? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I thought you said this was AT&T. AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company. Me: I already have a phone. AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, Sir, that's right! 24 hours a day! Me: 7 days a week? AT&T: That's right. Me: 365 days a year? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing! AT&T: We think so! Me: That's quite a sum of money! AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up. Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance? AT&T: Excuse me? Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute. AT&T: What are you talking about? Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment. AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay US 10 cents a minute. Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. AT&T: No, Sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for... Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please! AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary. Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold. At this point I begin trying to finish my dinner. Supervisor: Mr. Byron? Me (with mouth full of food): Yeth? Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program. Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? Supervisor: Yes, Sir, it sure is. I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort. Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan. Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you. Me: Thank you. I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone. AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan? Me: No, but I was wondering -- do you have that "friends and family" thing? Because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother... AT&T: (*Click*) -<>- >Diet Scale "Darn!" the man said to his friend while weighing himself at the local drug store scale. "I started on a new diet but the scale says I'm heavier than I was before." Turning to his friend, he said, "Here, hold my jacket." The scale still indicated that he had not lost any weight. "OK," he said to his friend. "Hold my Twinkies." -<>- >Fascinating Dinosaurs Dinosaurs are fascinating. My four-year-old is obsessed with them. Recently, we were riding on a bus and he asked another passenger for her name. "My name is Deena," she said. "Can you say Deena?" "Deena," said my son. "Can you say pachycephalosaurus?" -<>- >Lunch Order It was a busy lunch hour, made longer by one of my customers who couldn't make up his mind about what to order. After loudly polling everyone at his table, he asked me, "What do you think I should have?" Before I could answer, an irritated man at the next table offered a suggestion: "How about a picnic?" -<>- >Medieval History My friend, an American History professor at Mount Union College in Ohio, was asked to teach a Medieval History class. Not an expert on the Middle Ages, he was concerned about what he'd be able to offer the students. But his fears were soon laid to rest. During the first class, he asked the students, "Why are you taking this medieval history course?" A freshman piped up, "Because I really like the 1800's." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _--_ dMb __(._ ) d0P < (D) .MP .~ \ /~```M-. .~ V Mo_ \ -------============((((}{) ( (___. {:)-./ ~._____.(:} '94 the wolfe / .M\ / "" \ | /\ | / / \ \ / / \ \ \__/ \__/ / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ >SMILES A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Yankees fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Yankees fan," she replied. The teacher, "Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am a Red Sox fan, and proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher asks. "Janie, why are you a Red Sox fan?" "Because my mom is a Red Sox fan, and my dad is Red Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!" "Well," said the teacher, "That is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were stupid and your dad were stupid, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled, "I'd be a Yankees fan." -------- Some years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco. Several of the Mensa members went for lunch at a local cafe. When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt. They took on the challenge: How can we swap the contents of the two shakers without spilling any, using only the implements at hand? The group debated the problem, floated ideas and finally came up with an elegant solution involving a napkin, a straw and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over. "Miss, we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker contains pepper ..." The waitress interrupted. "Oh. Sorry about that." She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them. -------- A Texas rancher was visiting an Iowa farm. The Iowa farmer was very proud of his two hundred acres of rich, productive land. "Is this your whole farm?" the Texan asked. "Why, back in Texas, I get in my car at five o'clock in the morning, and I drive and drive all day. At dusk I am just reaching the end of my ranch." The old Iowa farmer thought a while and replied, "Yeah, I used to have a car like that too." ------- Young son: Pop, did you know Mommy thinks you're perfect? Father: She does? Wow! How do you know? Young son: I heard her say it to Mrs. Smith. Father: When was that? Young son: Just before she used the word idiot. ------- A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one." The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and then said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the pilings needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask." The man thought for a few more minutes and then told the genie, "There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick." The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?" ------- A couple moves into to a new home. After a few days, as the husband returns home from work, his wife says to him, "Honey, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking, could you fix it?" "What do I look like, a plumber?" Asks the husband, and goes to sleep. A few days later, the wife once again turns to her husband and says, "honey, my car doesn't start, I think it may need a new battery, could you change it for me?" "What do I look like, a mechanic?" asks the husband with a frown. A week goes by, and the wife once again turns to her husband and says, "Dear, the roof is leaking, could you do something about it?" "What do I look like, a roofer?" asks the husband. "Take care of these things yourself!" He then leaves home for a week on a business trip. "When I come back," he says to his wife, "I'd like all these things taken care of." He comes back a week later and is astonished to discover the roof is fixed, the car is running and the pipes are brand new. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls at his wife. "Nothing at all." said the wife. "The neighbor popped in and turns out he's a handyman, he said he'd fix the whole thing if I just bake him a cake, or sleep with him." "Wow," said the husband. "What kind of cake did you make him?" "What do I look like," exclaims the wife, "a baker?" ------- :\ ;\\ ; ;; __ :/ :-",dP _.ggp. : (*).-"" :$$$$; ; T$$$; : _,- `TP ; `. _ ; ; "" \ / ; `-+' : .-' ; \; ; : `--+'-. .---. ; ;` :_ `. : ; "-, ; / "-. : ; : .p""-. ""--..: ; : .-T$$P ""--..___l-, ; : .-" "" :\()l ; ; _________.-" $$ ;`-' ; ; bug .--""$$$$$$$P : ; '._____.-"_. 'T$$P^' : : .-" \ : '.___...-" ; : / ; ; : . / / / ; .J__ : / .' ; .; "-. ; j.-" : .'/ "-. ; : : ; .' / "---: ; ; : .-" / : : : ; .-" .-" ; ; ; / .' .-" : : : / .' .' : | ; : /\ : : ;: ; : ; ; : : ; : ; : :__ ; | : ; _L__J -`, : : '--. : l l l____l \ _`-,-: ( l ;_:-' / l |`; """ :_l :_;_l " >Dog Quotes (Quotes ABOUT, not by, Dogs) "Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." -- Gene Hill "Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear." -- Dave Barry "To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs." -- Aldous Huxley "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." -- Robert Benchley "Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." -- Sue Murphy "I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves." -- August Strindberg "No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." -- Fran Lebowitz "Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -- Anne Tyler "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." -- Rita Rudner "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -- James Thurber "You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets." -- Nora Ephron "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein "In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke Bruce "Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!" -- Dr. Tom Cat "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams "When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward Abbey "No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does." -- Christopher Morley "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." -- Josh Billings --- ...TeeHee! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >Tea Party News: VIDEO ALERT: Look Who the Mayor of Baltimore Just THANKED for Their “Help” with the Riots http://tinyurl.com/mplfavz -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) NY judge OKs pro-Israel ‘Hamas Killing Jews’ bus ads http://tinyurl.com/ml2r3ap --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Do you remember the scene in the movie Animal House when Boon stuffs Larry 'Pinto' Kroger's pants full of meat at the Food King? Today's story is basically that, except a lot more stupid. A man and woman have been arrested in central Florida after police say they stole more than $300 worth of meat from a grocery store. Deputies reported that 48-year-old Doris Rowe and 54-year- old Kenneth Edwards drove 26 miles to a Winn-Dixie store in DeLand where a store manager saw Rowe stuffing meat products and other items into her pants. Deputies say the manager stopped Rowe and she hit the manager in the neck, dropping pork ribs, two packs of detergent and three water filters. Rowe fled the store and got into Edwards' truck. Deputies apprehended them at a traffic stop. Both were charged with grand theft and robbery. Deputies found ribeye steaks, ground beef, bacon, pork ribs and a gallon of bleach in the car valued at $361. No 15-year-old cashiers or middle-aged Deans' wives were molested during or after the incident. -<>- While the nation's eyes are on Baltimore as it is dealing with widespread rioting, looting and destruction, one man in Oklahoma is determined to get his city in the news his own way. Traffic came to a stop as police in Tulsa chased and tased a naked man running along the highway. Police arrested and charged James Jackson with indecent exposure, obstructing justice and burglary. Drivers slowed and pulled over when they saw Jackson, 24, walking naked down the LL Tisdale Parkway. At least a couple of passengers recorded the incident with their cell phones. One video shows Jackson slamming his fist on a car as it passes by. He appears to try and open the driver side door of a truck that stopped to avoid hitting him. Jackson continued to walk down the highway and starts to sing before a police officer arrives and attempts to take him into custody. Jackson ignored numerous commands to stop and get on the ground by Tulsa police officers. That's when an officer unsuccessfully used his Taser to subdue Jackson. In a video Jackson is seen removing the wires from his body and running away again. A second officer shows up and also uses his Taser. The two officers eventually get him on the ground and carry him away. Jackson might have been having a mental episode or was under the influence of drugs, according to police. *-- British man banned from using vending machines for five years --* BURY, England (UPI) - A British man caught stealing coins from a parking meter was banned from using vending machines or any other coin-operated devices until 2020. Russell Stansfield, 38, of Derker, England, was caught stealing from a parking meter in Bury earlier this year and he admitted in court to committing multiple similar petty thefts on a variety of coin-operated machines. Bury Magistrate's Court ruled this week to slap Stansfield with a Criminal Behavioral Order banning him from using coin-operated machines, including parking meters and vending machines, until February 2020. The only exceptions to the order allow Stansfield to use a pay phone to call emergency services and use a Metrolink machine to purchase a ticket, but he must immediately move away from the machine once his ticket has been issued. The order also banned Stansfield from any airports or airport parking lots unless he can prove he is traveling. He was also banned from Trafford Center and its parking lot. "It's just weird if I'm honest, there are so many things I can't do," Stansfield told reporters after the order was issued. "If I'm at the hospital for hours for example I can't buy any food from the machines." Stansfield, who apologized for his crimes and said he committed them during a "tough time," joked the order could occasionally come in handy. "At least I have an excuse not to pay for things," he said. "I think I might be the only person in the country with this bizarre restriction, maybe even the world." *-- Colorado preschooler barred from eating Oreos at lunch --* AURORA, Colo. (UPI) - A Colorado mother said her daughter's preschool teacher barred her from eating the Oreo cookies packed in her lunch because they are not "nutritious." Leeza Pearson, whose 4-year-old daughter, Natalee, attends private school The Children's Academy in Aurora as an Aurora Public Schools student under the state's preschool option plan, said Natalee returned home from school Friday and told her she was not allowed to eat her Oreo cookies at lunch. Pearson said Natalee still had the cookies, which had been packed along with a ham and cheese sandwich and a stick of string cheese, along with a note from her teacher. The note read: "Dear Parents, It is very important that all students have a nutritious lunch. This is a public school setting and all children are required to have a fruit, a vegetable, and a healthy snack from home, along with milk. If they have potatoes, the child will also need bread to go along with it. Lunchables, chips, fruit snacks, and peanut butter are not considered to be a healthy snack. This is a very important part of our program and we need everyone's participation." "I don't agree with it at all," Pearson told KMGH-TV. "They don't provide lunch for my daughter. I provide lunch," Pearson said. "It's between me and the doctor in terms of what's healthy for her." An Aurora Public Schools spokeswoman said Natalee was offered a healthy alternative to the cookies. The director of The Children's Academy said the note should not have been sent out and is being investigated. She said the school does not have any policies regarding telling students what they can or can't eat at lunch time. *-- Lost in the woods, sisters survived on Girl Scout cookies --* LUCE COUNTY, Mich. (UPI) - Two sisters lost in the woods for nearly two weeks survived on Girl Scout cookies, cheese puffs and snow before being rescued Friday. Rescue workers found Lee Wright, 56, and Leslie Roy, 52, after their SUV got stuck April 11 in the deep snow in a tree-canopied area in Michigan's remote Upper Peninsula. They were weak but in otherwise fine condition, authorities said. "It is unbelievably remarkable," said Michigan State Police Detective Sgt. Jeff Marker, who assisted in the rescue. "They had multiple layers of clothes on and they were rationing their food." Roy, from Nebraska, and Wright, from Oklahoma, left the town of Ishpeming after visiting their relatives and planned to make a three-hour drive to Mackinaw City but never arrived. Their vehicle got stuck near Crisp Point, in an area they couldn't get cellphone service. While stranded, they relied on eight boxes of Girl Scout cookies and a bag of cheese puffs for food and melted snow for water. Friday, state police in a helicopter spotted the women. Police hiked 25 minutes before reaching them. "When we pulled up, they grabbed their purses and Lee Wright clutched onto her Bible and both women were very happy," Marker said. "It was hugs all around." *-- Italy opens Museo Della Merda -- the museum of poop --* MILAN, Italy (UPI) - The latest museum to dump knowledge on Italy is the Museo Della Merda, a facility dedicated to the study of human and animal feces. The Museo Della Merda, which roughly translates to "Museum of Poop," although the intended wording is somewhat more profane, describes itself as an "agency for change" that "houses documents and information on excrement in culture, technology and history." The poo-seum aims to show "what a useful and living substance crap really is." Headquartered in the Piacenza province hamlet of Castelbosco, it held a launch event Monday at the Leonardo da Vinci Museum of Science and Technology in Milan. The exhibit tracks the history of excrement and seeks to educate visitors on the ways poo is put to good use around the world. "Few phenomena are so rich in material and conceptual complexity as the cultural history of [excrement]," the museum said. The museum was founded by Gianantonio Locatelli, a Castelbosco farmer who wanted to put the 220,000 pounds of excrement created by his animals each day to good use. Museum tours can be arranged for Saturdays and Sundays between May and August. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) __ | +| ,,,|__| $$$ , , $$C > $$$; _< _______/ /_ ___ | |__` \~/o\ _,]-]___]-----> | / \( ) )\/.-// _( \ ) / \ | //| / ,/ \/ '/ o \ / o \ /______/\_\ \ || / \ || / \ || / / )( \ |/ \| :] [: o| |o /o| |o\ b'ger `-' `-' >AMA's Insight "AMA Insight" The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a-holes in Washington . --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- ################################################################ # , , # # "Hi,I am Mike. _|\_ /| # # We Scare Because /___ "\----' | # # We Care" /=====\ \ `-. # # \ // .--. \| | \ # # /( [@@] ) / \ # # , | \ '--' / / \------- # # |\_ | \___.-' \----- \ # # __,--'' \. /| _____..----) ) | \ \ # # "----____: \. / | (' / | | \ \ # # `. \/ /\ \._ _./ / | \ \ # # \_./ \ '==== / / \ \ # # \ --- --' / \ `. # # \. _,-; /,--.\ # # \___________/\/ / " " # # \/ /_ # # /`/ | # # _____ _ +"""". / /| / # # |_ _| |__ ___ \ \./ / | / # # | | | '_ \ / _ \ `\ . | / +" S@yaN # # | | | | | | __/ \ |/ # # |_| |_| |_|\___| (_) # # __ __ _ ___ # # | \/ | ___ _ __ ___| |_ ___ _ __ ___ |_ _|_ __ ___ # # | |\/| |/ _ \| '_ \/ __| __/ _ \ '__/ __| | || '_ \ / __| # # | | | | (_) | | | \__ \ || __/ | \__ \_ | || | | | (__ # # |_| |_|\___/|_| |_|___/\__\___|_| |___( ) |___|_| |_|\___( # # |/ # # # # 16.08.02 # ################################################################ >Things I've Learned From the Movies: 1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not. 2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil. 3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. 4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society. 5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors 6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. 7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22. 8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. 9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape. 10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. 11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving. 14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do. 16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. 17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. 19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. 20. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now. 21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. 22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. 23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps. 25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. 26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English. 27. The light from one candle will illuminate a 3 room log cabin. --- ...LOL! Amazing huh? Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ()___ ()//__/)_________________() ||(___)//#/_/#/_/#/_/#()/|| ||----|#| |#|_|#|_|#|_|| || ||____|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|#||/|| jgs || |#|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|| >The Hotel Bill An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 72nd birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high. "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast." The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate', and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use." "But I didn't use them," she said. ''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," the Manager said. "But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied. No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response. After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is for $50.00." "That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied. "But I didn't!" exclaimed the very surprised Manager. "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have." Don't mess with Senior Citizens!! -<>- _____ .'.---.'. // , \\ || `| || || | || || -'- || .-"`'-.,_ _,.-'`"-. / .'--,___`"""`___,--'. \ | /:////_'---'_\\\\:\ | \|:|// `_ _` \\|:|/ '-/| (6/ \6) |\-' \\ | | // `| (._.) |` | _ _ | jgs \ '---' / '--.___.--' >The Norski's Volunteer Fire Dept One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters. The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?" "Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck! --- ...LOL! Good classics! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: --- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming. Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason 'why this couple should not be married'. His reception wasn't dis- rupted by streakers or smoke-bombs, and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order. When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed. Upon waking, the couple was ravenous so Bill called down to room service and asked, "I'd like to order breakfast for two." At that moment, a soft voice from under the bed said, "Make that five." -<>- A young woman was worried about her stress-related habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick, so her friend advised her to take up yoga. She did, and soon her finger- nails were growing normally. Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervous- ness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead." -<>- Everybody's a comedian. I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice. "I know the Sheetrock is nailed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?" "Put an ad in the personals column." he suggested. -<>- A blonde is on board a small two- seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, Mayday! My pilot just died!" she screams. Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First, I need you to give me your height and position." "I'm 5 foot 2 and sitting in the front seat!" -<>- Lisa, my co-worker at the travel agency, needed to send a letter of apology to a customer whose trip was a complete fiasco from start to finish. I reminded her of a similar situation a year earlier and dug out the letter I'd written then. "All you have to do," I told her, "is to change the details, the date, and the name." She looked it over and smiled wryly. "We won't even need to change the name." -<>- In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and minivans, which has created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy. One day as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the husband asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?" -<>- I was examining cantaloupes at the grocery store and turned to the produce clerk, who was refilling the bins. "Choosing a cantaloupe is like picking a mate for marriage," I observed casually. "A person has no idea what he's getting until it's too late." "I know," he replied. "I've had three cantaloupes." -<>- Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to." Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con- gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!" Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?" -<>- A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency. If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact us." -<>- My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs. She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" I asked. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" I replied. -<>- A well-to-do young man met a beautiful young woman at an exclusive party and was immediately smitten with her. He took her on the town and eventually to his apartment where he discovered she was not only a beautiful woman, but also well-groomed, cultured and very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he offered her a glass of wine and asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry. "Oh, Sherry," she said, "by all means. To me, it's the nectar of the Gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When that gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion... "On the other hand, Port makes me fart." -<>- Adam and Eve had the ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. -<>- One-One was a racehorse, Two-Two was one too. When One-One won one race, Two-Two won one too! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) , /\ , / '-' '-' \ | POLICE | \ .--. / | ( 19 ) | \ '--' / '--. .--' jgs \/ >Speed Trap Top This One For A Speeding Ticket ? Two Texas Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on Hwy 77, just south of Kingsville, Tx. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the town of Kingsville ... The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off. Just then a deafening roar over the Mesquite treetops on Hwy 77 revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near it's Naval Air home base location in Kingsville, Tx ... Back at the Texas Highway Patrol Headquarters in Corpus Christi the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the US Naval Base Commander in Kingsville for shutting down his equipment. The reply came back in true USMC style: "Thank you for your letter... You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down. Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment's location. Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status, and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position, on the side of Hwy 77, south of Kingsville. The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears that the filling is missing. Also, the snap is broken on his holster." Semper Fi --- ...LOL! A Great one! Thanks Bunni! ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Mom And Dad's Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/momsanddadsindex.html Semper Fidelis http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/semperfi.html Stuck Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stuck.html True Fish Tale! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishrescue.html Kitty Dream! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/kitty.html At The Car Wash! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carwash.html Ladies Unleashed! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html Three Old Men! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldmen.html City Silhouettes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/citys.html One Of Those Days! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/days.html Backpack Cat http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backpack.html Life's Little Oops 6! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops6.html Houses For Hermits! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/house.html Freaky Art Vans http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html World Of Peacocks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/peacock.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Mug Shots! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mugshots.html --- ...Funny! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From our friend PatDeE :) The Black Hole - EXPLAINED! https://www.youtube.com/embed/P5_Msrdg3Hk Just guessing here. I doubt if there is an overwhelming number of job applicants for the position. Repairing the lightning rods on Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed --- ...Ack! Definitely one of those 'Jobs' Thanks PatDeE! Jobs That Suck! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) New Christmas Song http://www.youtube.com/embed/ln01p1M2cH0 Footage courtesy of the U.S. Navy & the Blue Angels WOW! What a ride! Notice the rest of the formation in the Pilot's reflective goggles! Sound up, open video link and click: https://www.youtube.com/embed/u4D0yx4DvBk?rel=0 5 Jumbo Jest flying in formation! http://www.chonday.com/Videos/fivebujawe2 --- ...Whoa Baby! Pretty Awesome! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) A beaver family working on their house on the Bow River in Calgary, Canada are perfectly in agreement with being filmed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beas8hgBl0k&feature=player_embedded An amazing Senior Precision Roller Skating performance set to the song “Hava Nagila”, a traditional Jewish folk song that translates as “Let us rejoice”. I had no idea there even was such a thing as precision roller skating let alone a senior category for the sport. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yPmd0cL0IA4 This hilarious video has been making a lot of noise on the internet recently, and after watching it, you'll see why. Titled "Soft Dog", it's taken from a Japanese TV show, and even the hosts of the show went crazy when they watched it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nep3jKwVZe8&feature=player_embedded They solved parallel parking in 1927 - and we totally forgot about it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=S5R368iX7iI --- ...HaHa! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Good news for out-of-towners. Crime in New York City is at an all time low. The bad news is that it's our leading industry." --Dave Letterman "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" --Woody Allen "Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them." --Joseph Heller "A committee is a creature with three or more legs and no brain." --Robert Heinlein "I had the worst study habits in the history of college, until I found out what I was doing wrong -- highlighting with a black magic marker." -Jeff Altman "As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it." --Sam Ewing "Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kind of like being the guy on a date." --Caroline Rhea >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************