St.Pat's Day Smiles And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ ________ .##@@&&&@@##. ,##@&::%&&%%::&@##. #@&:%%000000000%%:&@# #@&:%00' '00%:&@# #@&:%0' '0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# "" ' " " ' "" _oOoOoOo_ .-.-. (oOoOoOoOo) ( : ) )`"""""`( .-.`. .'.-. / \ (_ '.Y.' _) | # | ( .'|'. ) \ / '-' | '-' jgs `=========` *~* Wishing You And Yours A Happy Blessed St.Patrick's Day! :) >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) (>, oo / 8 "} > @ < |`.8 .-._/| `-.'`')`_.' ) / / |__, | ( / .' , / `._/ '`- \| -- -`' - --- VK/ejm I am jumping up and down with 'Praise God' joy! Over a month ago, Google advised me that I have more work to do to get the website working well for mobile users. I was thinking that I wasn't able to get it when an idea came to me Saturay and I finally was able to figure out how to code it properly. I am most thankful and relieved. As a programmer, this had been weighing on me. So, here we go again. I started right away with editing the pages but please be patient as this will take me some time before I get all over 900 pages of the web site done. I also found code to help optimize it, so it should load a little faster for you. Always living and learning! Praise God! :) -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This hilarious new page comes from our dear friends Linda and PatDeE. It is sure to bring you some chuckles! Turn your sound up and don't forget to check out the funny video here... ,; , ;;;. .;;;;;. .;;';;';. (Mother!) ;;' ; / ,;; Oo ;;. .' ---`- '_.__ ; .' ....-``` . `. . '.. ..;`--- ``.' ````````'-.' ```````````` BP Only ONE Job 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob2.html --- ...LOL!! I just love this! Thank You Linda and PatDeE! -<>- >-->From Our Friend Buuni :) _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ >SUNDAY UPDATE ON JOYCE I got a call from Craig this morning. News is not very good about Joyce. Just don't seem like she will ever pull though this. She has been in the hospital for four weeks now. Her visiting hours have been cut to two times a day for one hour each. She is in so much pain that they have her out most of the time. She will open her eyes for maybe 30 seconds, try to say something and then go back to sleep. Craig said he talked to her about two things and then asked her what he had said after she said she understood. She couldn't remember. Last night when he was in there she told him she wanted to die she hurts so badly. So please keep her in your prayers that she gets through this terrible time in her life. Craig is holding up but it's hard on him. I can tell by the way he talks about Joyce and the pain she is in right now. I never thought my sister would have to go through anything like this. Just unreal. So thanks so much for the prayers. She really needs them now, I think, more than she did before. Thanks. Hugs..... Bunni --- ...Oh my, So Sorry to hear. Thank You Bunni! Praying for her full recovery in Jesus Christ's name. Amen! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Drummer .;--""```````""--;. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by /( )\ his peers, decides to learn how to play \_`'-------------'`_/ some "real" musical instruments. He | `';-----;-----;'` | goes to a music store, walks in, | / : \ / : \ / : \ | approaches the store clerk, and says, |V.','.V.','.V.','.V| "I'll take that red trumpet over there \`./_\.;./_\.;./_\.`/ and that accordion." The store clerk jgs '...___________...' looks at him a bit funny, and replies, "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay". ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 16 is Everything You Do is Right Day March 17 is Submarine Day and Saint Patrick's Day March 18 is National Agriculture Day and Supreme Sacrifice Day March 19 is Poultry Day March 20 is International Earth Day and Extraterrestrial Abductions Day March 21 is Fragrance Day and National Quilting Day March 22 is National Goof Off Day ======================================================= >-->SMILES For St.Pat's Day: .-"""""-. \ / |.-----.| __|_______|___ HAPPY '--;-'```'-;--' ST. PATRICK'S / / 6_6 \ \ DAY ! ( ( _) ) ) / ( ( .__. ) ) ( `._`-'_.' ) /`'-._`"`_.-'`\ | /___```___\ | \ |___|L|___| / \/ `"` \/ /..,_______,..\ / /\ \ | ,-' `-, | \ `\ ,-'` / jgs __LI`--`\|`.__/ ( /\ LI\ `.___,-'` \ | '.__/ Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? A: He took a short cut! Q: Where can you always find gold? A: In the dictionary! Q: What kind of bow can’t be tied? A: A rainbow! Q: Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? A: Because they’re always wearing green! Q: What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A: A Sham-rock! Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? A: Because he couldn’t afford the airfare! Q:What do you call a clumsy Irish dance? A: A jig mistake! Q: What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a four leaf clover? A: A rash of good luck! Q: What is a nuahcerpel? A: Leprechaun spelled backwards! Q: What do you call a leprechaun who goes to jail? A: A lepre-con! Q: What position does a leprechaun play on a baseball team? A: Shortstop! Q: What job does a leprechaun have at a restaurant? A: A short-order cook! Q: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? A: Because they ‘re always a little short! Q: What does Ireland have a lot of? A: Irishmen! Q: What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? A: He gets wet! Q: Do leprechauns get angry when you make fun of them? A: Yes, but only a little! Q: Why would you never iron a four-leaf clover? A: Because you shouldn’t press your luck! Q: When is an Irish potato not an Irish potato? A: When he is a french fry! Q: Why did the leprechaun cross the road? A: To get to the pot of gold! Q:Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? A: Because real rocks are too heavy! Q: What happens when you find a horseshoe? A: Some horse is barefoot! Q: What did the Irish ghost say to the other Irish ghost? A: Top O’ the moaning to you! Knock, Knock Who’s there? Irish Irish who? Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day! Knock, Knock Who’s there? Warren Warren who Warren anything green today? =========================================================== >-->From GoodCleanFun: _ _ (_(_) /(_) (-----. |= | _|=____|_ (_________) 8" "8 (8 6 6 8) 8 7 8 88-=###, _ jgs "888"`##,|#| `###' >Air Miles In the line-up at the store, I overheard the checker ask the lady in front of me if she had an air miles card. "Oh, yes," she said. "I have enough air miles to get to Philadelphia, where my son lives." "That's wonderful," said the cashier. "My son doesn't think so," the lady replied. "I don't have enough to get back." -<>- >Hospital Codes Having just completed my training as the hospital's switchboard operator, I was reasonably confident that I knew all the codes for emergencies: Code Blue for cardiac arrest, Code Red for fire, etc. My first night on the job alone, however, a nurse phoned and asked me to page a "Code Brown, Room 214." I had no idea what that was. I called the page, then searched frantically through my emergency manual, but I couldn't find any description of it anywhere. Stumped, I finally called the nurse back and asked her about it. "Relax," laughed the nurse. "Code Brown is what we page when a patient is discharged and leaves behind an unfinished box of chocolates!" -<>- >Police Stop Early one Saturday morning, the flashing lights of a police car appeared in my rearview mirror. The officer asked, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" "No, I responded. "One of your taillights is out." he said. "I'm going to have to issue a warning. "Whew," I said, without thinking. "I thought it was because my license had expired." -<>- >Reboot? When I worked as a technical-support specialist for a computer company, customer help calls ranged from the mundane to the bizarre. One memorable problem I had to trouble-shoot came from a man who complained that every time he flushed his toilet, his computer would reboot. It turned out that he lived in a rural area with water supplied by a well with an electric pump. Every time he flushed, it would turn on the pump, causing a dip in the electric power, which in turn would cause the computer to restart itself. -<>- >Winking The kindergarten teacher was standing outside her room as the children entered one morning. Along came little David, deliberately winking his left eye. "Why, David," said the teacher, "Are you winking at me?" "No, just got my turn signal on," David replied, making a neat left turn into his room. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) __...._ .-"` `\ / | | | \ | \ __...--'| \.-' |_..-, __\___...---'`_..-' (_______....--'\ / `\ (o \__ | | __) _ _ \ /`\ \ | (_Y_) _ '-.\_,| | T-._/ (_A_) _../`'T T-'` | | \__ _| .' | | | | \___ | /_\`\ / | | | | \ `/-`\ --| | \ | | | | /`----' |--' \ `\ \_; |`-.......-` .-.-'. \_LI ; / / /`-._ |`-\ \ jgs _/_/ / | \ \ ( ( ;.__ / \__,\__ `"`""` `""""` `.__._`; >A Wee Bit Of Irish Blarney "So you take your wife everywhere. Why? She's so ugly she makes children cry!" "Well, if I should roam And leave her at home, I'm obliged then to kiss her goodbye! -<>- Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obituary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died." The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: "Pete died. Boat for sale." -<>- >An Irishman's Life Philosophy "In life, there are only two things to worry about, either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about, but if you are sick, you have two things to worry about; either you will live, or you will die. If you live, there is nothing to worry about, if you die, you have two things to worry about; either you will go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about, but if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with your friends, you won't have time to worry!" -<>- Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey". Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one." -<>- A jolly old fellow named Hugh Was arrested for saying, "Look, snoo!" "What's snoo?" they would cry, And he'd always reply: "Oh, nothing much, what's snoo with you?" -<>- >Paddy was in New York .. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?' -<>- Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. 'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!' 'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?' -<>- O'toole staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his rear end was cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.. In the morning, O'toole woke up with searing pain in both his head and rear end and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?' O'toole said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?' 'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror. -<>- Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter- I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after. And may you be filled with plenty of blarney to keep you smiling always! --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- @@ .##@@::;%%&&00' @><@ .###@@::;%%&&00' ________) .###@@::;%%&&00' | | .###@@::;%%&&00' _ _|===LI===|_ .###@@::;%%&&00' / \_(____________) .###@@::;%%&&00' \ / (88 o o 88) .###@@::;%%&&00' \/\ 88: 7 :88` .###@@::;%%&&00' \/\ '88'=='88' .###@@::;%%&&00' \ \__'8888'__________.###@@::;%%&&00' \___<\""/>_____/_/_-'##@@::;%%&&00' / >< \ .###@@::;%%&&00' /__/--\__\ (oO@OoO@@o@oO@@o) '-.______.-' /`"""""""""""""`\ jgs _|_||_|_ | | ___LI)||(LI___ | | ( ~~ || ~~ ) \ / `-----''-----` '.___________.' >Irish Wishes For You May your mornings bring joy and your evenings bring peace... May your troubles grow less as your blessings increase! May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road... And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. May those that love us, love us. And those that don't love us, May God turn their hearts. And if he doesn't turn their hearts, May he turn their ankles, So we'll know them by their limping. May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, and never catch up. May you have food and raiment, a soft pillow for your head. May you be forty years in heaven before the devil knows you're dead. May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, The foresight to know where you are going, And the insight to know when you have gone too far. -<>- >Irish Toasts Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter- I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road... And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed! May your troubles be less And your blessing be more And nothing but happiness Come through your door Here's to our husbands and boyfriends. May they never meet! or Here's to our wives and girlfriends: May they never meet! Here's to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint-- and another one! Here's to you and yours, And to mine and ours, And if mine and ours ever come Across you and yours, I hope you and yours will do As much for mine and ours, As mine and ours have done For you and yours! May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold- And at the end of all your rainbows may you find a pot of gold. -<>- >May God give you... For every storm, a rainbow, For every tear, a smile, For every care, a promise, And a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, A faithful friend to share, For every sigh, a sweet song, And an answer for each prayer. God keep you safe, God keep you warm God keep you and yours from all harm. May He bless your kith and kin, the hearth, the house and all within. There's the joy of dear Killarney In these blessings meant for you, There's a bit of Irish blarney, There's a touch of magic, too. There's a hope that love and laughter Will steal your heart away And a prayer that all you're wishing God grant you and yours today. --- ...Awww, sweet! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) ,-'~~~~-. .-~~~~`-. .' \ / `. ,-'` \ / `-. / , `\/ .' \ ( `\ || /~ ) ~. `\ || /` .~ `~~._____ `\ || /` ____.~~` ___!!!GOOD>I just received this from my broker. I normally don't pass stock tips on, but I thought this exception would be OK. If you hold any of the following stocks, you may want to review: American Can Co. Interstate Water Co. National Gas Co. Northern Tissue Co. Due to the uncertain market conditions at this present time, we advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean. --- ...LOL! Thanks Karen! ========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: 45-year-old Windslowe has had quite a colorful career. She described herself as a serial entrepreneur who once ran a transgender escort service and a Gothic hip-hop performer who called herself the Black Madam. But it was as a "body sculptor" that, in her own mind, she really excelled. "I was the best," Windslowe testified, "and I don't mean that to be cocky." Unfortunately her medical training consisted of tips she said she picked up from overseas doctors who performed her sex change operation and a physician-client of her escort service who became her lover. This less-than-professional background is undoubtedly what led her to inject nearly half a gallon of industrial-grade silicone into the buttocks of the 20-year-old student, which led to her heart stopping. The jury took less than four hours to reject a lesser man- slaughter charge and convict her of third-degree murder, which involves malice but not premeditation. Windslowe faces 20 to 40 years in prison. *-- Urinators in Germany warned: St. Pauli walls 'pee back' --* HAMBURG, Germany (UPI) - Leaders in the "party district" of St. Pauli in Hamburg, Germany, are discouraging public urination by covering walls in paint that "pees back." The St. Pauli Interest Community released a YouTube video explaining the most frequently-soiled walls in the district are being covered in a super-hydrophobic paint that causes sprayed liquid to bounce back in the opposite direction -- causing public urinators to make a mess of their own pants and shoes. The walls treated with the paint are labeled with signs reading, "Don't pee here! We'll pee back!" "It was a real annoyance that was growing and growing," St Pauli Interest Community board member Uwe Christiansen, who owns several local bars, told The Local. "We wanted to bring people to reason." He said the move is being hailed by locals who were similarly tired of dealing with "Wildpinkler." "I've seen in Facebook and the local newspapers that the reactions were very positive. People were just tired of the peeing on walls, home entrances and playgrounds," Christiansen said. "Watch out! From now on, it's Peeback time," group member Julia Staron said in the video. *-- Spanish politician poses nude for campaign poster --* PORTUGALETE, Spain (UPI) - A candidate for local office in Spain's Basque region is campaigning by baring her body on a poster reading, "Politicians have left us stark naked." Yolanda Couceiro Morin, a town hall candidate in the town of Portugalete, released a campaign poster featuring her nude body covered only by her own hands and the slogan, "Politicians have left us stark naked." Morin, a member of the right-wing Partido por la Libertad - Manos Limpias, or "Party for Freedom - Clean Hands," told Spanish daily 20 minutos she hopes the "eye catching" ad will convince Portugalete voters to "focus on the problems of their neighbors." Morin's poster appears to take inspiration from a 2006 poster for centrist party Ciudadanos, which depicted party founder Albert Rivera striking a similar pose in the buff. *-- South African reporter mugged on camera by armed men --* JOHANNESBURG, South Africa (UPI) - A South African TV journalist was mugged on camera seconds before he was due to deliver a live report outside a hospital. The SABC News camera recorded the two men approaching contributing editor Vuyo Mvoko outside Johannesburg's Milpark Hospital Tuesday night while he was preparing to deliver a report on Zambia's president arriving at the facility for some tests. "It was like seconds to air and then the commotion started... I couldn't understand why they'd walk right in front of the camera because the light is on and they could see that -- and our car is branded, so they could see that this is a live broadcast," Mvoko told the BBC. Mvoko said the robbers demanded he hand over his phone. "Because I wasn't giving him the phone, he then called the other one who had a gun, and said: 'Dubula le nja [Shoot this dog],'" Mvoko told SABC after the incident. Mvoko said the men fled after he handed over his phone. The robbers also took another phone and a laptop computer from the news crew. "Hopefully someone will be able to identify them and get them arrested," Mvoko said. The South African National Editors' Forum issued a statement following the incident. "Every South African lives with the reality of crime, but to see thugs brazenly ignoring television cameras and robbing media workers in the course of their work yet again brings home the level of criminality in our society," a spokesman said. *-- Wrestling-themed restaurant owner body slams armed man --* CHICAGO (UPI) - A man who co-owns a wrestling-themed restaurant in Chicago with his wife, a former WWE star, used his own moves to take down an armed man at the business. Lee Varon, who co-owns The Squared Circle with wife Lisa Marie Varon, who performed in the WWE as Victoria, said a server told him about 9:30 p.m. Saturday a young man in the eatery was behaving strangely. Varon said the man walked into a women's bathroom before walking into the kitchen and telling him he was being pursued by men with guns. "He said some guys with guns were chasing him, and I thought, 'If guys with guns were really chasing you, then you shouldn't be out front,'" Varon told ABC News. "I escorted him back to the kitchen and he was immediately combative with me." Varon said he took action when the man appeared to be reaching for a weapon in his pants. Security camera footage from the restaurant shows Varon wrestle the suspect into submission. Lee said one of his cooks was able to get the suspect's gun. "My chef pulled the gun out of the kid's pants and said, 'where do I put it?' I said, 'On the table.' He said, 'Where?' I said. 'Next to the sprinkles' and just hearing put the gun next to the sprinkles is not something you say on a daily basis," Lee told CBS Chicago. Arnez Harper, 18, was arrested on charges of possession of a controlled substance, battery, aggravated assault and unlawful use of a weapon. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) .-"^`\ /`^"-. .' ___\ /___ `. / /.---. O .---.\ \ | // '-. _o/0\o_ .-' \\ | | ;| \ (0\|W|/0) / |; | \ || |\_) \~_~_~/ (_/| || / \ | \ . \ ; .-.^.-. ; / . / | / '\_\ \\ \ \ \ / ' \ / / / // /_/' \\ \ \ \ \ / / / / // jgs `'-\_\_\ \ / /_/_/-'` ` '. .' ` ` >Female Compassion Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live maybe we could make love again?' Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said, 'Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.' She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. 'Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?' His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, 'Listen Barry, I'm not being funny...but I have to get up in the morning, and you don't.' --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) .-.-. ( ) .-.\ : /.-. ( .`:`. ) ( /|\ ) jgs `"` | `"` >SMILES Ron Chestnut, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police about 2 am and was asked where he was going at that time of night. Ron replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.” The officer asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?” Ron replied, “That would be my wife.” -<>- One lazy Sunday morning, a man and his wife were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table. Unexpectedly, the man said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately." "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked. "I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some other jerk using my stuff." She looked at him intently and said, "What makes you think I'd marry another jerk?" -<>- Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a mart In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That's 10 cents each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet. Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" "I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price, plus they all have coupons....." --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================== _ _ (_(_) (_)\ .-----) |= | _|____ |_ (_________) 8" "8 (8 6 6 8) 8 7 8 jgs 88-=-88 "888" >-->From Our Friend gh0striders :) Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist! Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. WHEN THE GUN WAS FIRED, THE ENGINEERS STOOD SHOCKED AS THE CHICKEN HURLED OUT OF THE BARREL, CRASHED INTO THE SHATTERPROOF SHIELD, SMASHED IT TO SMITHEREENS, BLASTED THROUGH THE CONTROL CONSOLE, SNAPPED THE ENGINEER'S BACK-REST IN TWO, AND EMBEDDED ITSELF IN THE BACK WALL OF THE CABIN, LIKE AN ARROW SHOT FROM A BOW. THE HORRIFIED BRITS SENT NASA THE DISASTROUS RESULTS OF THE EXPERIMENT, ALONG WITH THE DESIGNS OF THE WINDSHIELD AND BEGGED THE U.S SCIENTISTS FOR SUGGESTIONS. NASA RESPONDED WITH A ONE-LINE MEMO -- "DEFROST THE CHICKEN." (TRUE STORY) --- ...LOL! A great classic! Thanks gh0striders! ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: ,-'~~~~-. .-~~~~`-. .' \ / `. ,-'` \ / `-. / , `\/ .' \ ( `\ || /~ ) ~. `\ || /` .~ `~~._____ `\ || /` ____.~~` ___!!!GOOD>- New to town, I was eager to meet people and make friends. So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one." After a slightly uncomfortable silence she replied, "And that's my husband - the fat one." -<>- In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again." -<>- A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass. -<>- I have a 4 year old son and a 3 month old daughter. A couple weeks ago we were in a waiting room waiting for my mother in law and the receptionist was talking to my son. She asked him if he helped change his sisters diapers. He responded, "No, they're yucky, Mommy does that." Not the funniest thing, but then she asked him if he helped feed his sister, to which my son replied in his best 'duh' tone, "No, I don't have boobies!" At which point the receptionist nearly fell out of her chair. -<>- Brandon, my grandson was working at a pet store that offered free replacement fish to any that die. A lady called and stated that her hamster had died. The salesperson who answered the phone misunderstood her, thinking it was a fish, told her to place it in a plastic bag with water and return it so it could be replaced. The lady followed instructions to a "T" and brought her dead hamster in a bag of water and handed to my grandson and said "my hamster died." Laughing he replied "Was that before or after you placed it in the bag of water?" He was fired for not showing sympathy to a customer! -<>- The first graders were attending their first music lesson. The teacher was trying to begin at the beginning. She drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a little girl to come up and write a note on it. The little girl went to the blackboard, looked thoughtful for a minute and wrote, "Dear Aunt Emma, just a short note to tell you I'm fine." -<>- A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion. The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David." The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary." The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole." -<>- My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called. "What's all the commotion over there?" she asked. "Oh, nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance." -<>- [I love this joke...] There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosy but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, I have to keep half of them in the air all the time!" ========================================================= ` __, ,__) __,__) ,__) ____, __, ,__) .--. (--|__| _ (--| ,_ ' , |_ (--/_| ,_ _ (--\ | _ ) __| |(_)(_|_) __|__ | |/_)| | / | | (/_ \_|(_)(_| .-' ( ( |_, / (___| | . .-.-. ( : ) ~|~|_~(_~~|~ \|/~\| ||~) ~|~ /~\ ( IRISH .-.\ ' /.-. | |_ ,_) | |\_/\_/|~\ _|_.\_X. QUOTIENT ) (_.. 'Y' .._) ( /|\ ) jgs '-' | '-' .-. (_" \ 1. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? / `\ \ ^ ) ) 2. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? ( ( .:. ) ) 3. _oOoOo Where does ( ( [_||||| green beer \ \ ||||| come from? `\| ~~~~~ 4. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? 5. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? 6. What's Irish and stays out all night? _oOoOoOo_ (oOoOoOoOo) 7. How did the Irish jig get started? )`"""""`( / \ 8. Why do leprechauns have pots o' gold? | G O L D | \ / 9. What's an Irish windbreaker? `=========` 10. On St. Patrick's Day, while people are searching for tiny, little leprechauns, what are leprechauns searching for? @@ .##@@::;%%&&00' @><@ .###@@::;%%&&00' ________) .###@@::;%%&&00' | | .###@@::;%%&&00' _ _|===LI===|_ .###@@::;%%&&00' / \_(____________) .###@@::;%%&&00' \ / (88 6 6 88) .###@@::;%%&&00' \/\ 88: 7 :88` .###@@::;%%&&00' \/\ 888'=='888' .###@@::;%%&&00' \ \_'888888'_________.###@@::;%%&&00' \___<\""/>_____/_/_-'##@Oo@o%&&00' / >< \ .##oO@Oo@O@o&00' /__/--\__\ (oO@OoO@@o@oO@@o) '-.______.-' /`"""""""""""""`\ jgs _|_||_|_ | Happy | ___LI)||(LI___ | St. Patrick's | ( ~~ || ~~ ) \ Day! / `-----''-----` '.___________.' The ANSWERS: 1. He couldn't afford plane fare. 2. Real rocks would look funny. 3. Who cares? As long as it keeps coming! 4. He's Dublin over with laughter. 5. They're always a little short. 6. Pati O'Furniture! 7. Lots of beer and too few restrooms! 8. They like to "go" first class. 9. Someone who's had too much corned beef and cabbage! 10. Tiny, little women! -= Give yourself a point for each right answer, and put an "O" in front of your name! =- ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Maxine On St.Patrick's Day http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonpatday.html St.Pat's Animated Gifs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html Iceland's Volcano http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/volcano.html Humor With Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carhumor.html Amazing Bike Car http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bikecar.html Humorous Ads 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad2.html Home Security http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/security.html Great Engineering Achievements http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/engineering.html God's Most Beautiful! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mostbeautiful.html Blast From The Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blastfrompast.html World's Most Extreme House! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehouse.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Just became aware of this oil testing association. They have tested and evaluated all automobile and truck oils on the market. This report is VERY TECHNICAL and won't interest most people. But for a few of us it is a gold mine of data. Just open and click of the vehicle of your choice. http://www.pqiamerica.com/ --- ...Good info! Thanks Geniann! -<>- Music from a Carrot! https://www.youtube.com/embed/BISrGwN-yH4 --- ...Oh My Goodness! Amazing! Thanks Genainn! -<>- >From Our Friend gh0striders :) Greek Sobriety test. This video is a perfect example of Greek dancing Music & words Watch only if you are completely sober. http://safeshare.tv/w/LxQvcdsoYs --- ...LOL! Crazy! Thanks gh0striders! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Facts about daylight saving time, why it was introduced and why it no longer makes any sense today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br0NW9ufUUw&feature=player_embedded Here's a video of a chef making some seemingly random cuts into a carrot. Then he starts cutting some more. Then he rubs some salt on it. What's he doing? Then at 3:20, he does something that had my jaw on the floor. Don't skip to it though, watch the whole thing. The buildup and ending to this insane carrot-cutting trick is totally worth it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6YhaOXGsTk&feature=player_embedded Swedish comedian/magician's "bandana" trick. Watch this clever trick to see the hilarious punch line. This funny Swedish magician's next trick ends with an epic Ikea joke. http://tinyurl.com/ml7b6wj Perhaps the most powerful instinct in the animal kingdom is the motherly instinct. For it, mothers will abandon food, water, shelter or their own safety. In the pet world, we see that demonstrated ever so endearingly when this dog mother decided to adopt three kittens, and raise them along side her own pups. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=IulFwMdvgYc Didga is just a dog living in a cat's body! You'll see the payoff to this cool pet trick coming a mile away, but it delivers just like you'll expect. No wonder it has almost 5 million views in only three weeks! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_MqiGb0Qzk&feature=player_embedded --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) St. Patrick's Rainbow Blessings, http://www.alighthouse.com/stpatty17.htm St Patty puzzle http://www.alighthouse.com/flashgames/saintpatrick2012puzzle.html Danny Boy - Finbar Wright - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlzWRQ5e4qg How to Detect Lies - body language, reactions, speech patterns http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies.php --- ...Good ones! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "On May 2 in Las Vegas Floyd Mayweather will fight Manny Pacquiao. It's the most-anticipated fight in many years. Before their press conference, they held a red carpet event for Floyd and Manny, which to me seems overly glamorous for guys who wear shorts to work." -Jimmy Kimmel "Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement." -Dave Letterman "The new James Bond movie in production features the oldest ever Bond girl. Which explains why he spent a lot of the movie repeating, 'I said BOND. JAMES BOND!'" -Conan O'Brien "The new Apple Watch is out. Your Apple Watch gets email. You can send texts. It has a corkscrew, nail clipper, tooth pick, scissors, tweezers, a compass, and if you put it on the floor and stand on it and it will tell you how much you weigh." -Dave Letterman "I am proud of myself. Yesterday I got in my car and looked at the clock. I'll admit it took 12 minutes to do it while I was driving but I did manage to adjust the time in my car one hour ahead. " -Jimmy Kimmel "A study has found that the most popular type of business in New Jersey is golf equipment stores. Though most customers come in and say, 'I need a blunt object and a bag about as big as a guy.'" -Seth Meyers "The highway cop said, 'Walk a straight line.' I said, 'Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you could ever come to a straight line would be making an electrocephalogram of your brain waves.' He said, 'You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Do you wish to retain that right?' And I thought, 'Oooh, a paradox!'" --Emo Philips "Kids? It's like living with homeless people. They're cute but they just chase you around all day long going, 'Can I have a dollar? I'm missing a shoe! I need a ride!'" --Kathleen Madigan "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." -Douglas Adams "When you're a parent you're a prisoner of war. You can't go anywhere without paying someone to come and look after your kids. In the old days, babysitters were paid about 50 cents an hour, and they'd steam clean the carpet and detail your car. Now they've got their own union. I couldn't afford it, so I asked my mother to come over. The sitters called her a scab and beat her up on the front lawn." -Robert G. Lee >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************