Stella Awards And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* God Bless The Family And Friends of ALL The Movie Victims! Our heart goes out to each and every one of them. So tragic! Half-Staff Flag Notification - Aurora, CO Tragedy http://tinyurl.com/cqxrvwy >From Our Friend CarolC :) The Oak Tree A mighty wind blew night and day. It stole the oak tree's leaves away. Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark, Until the oak was tired and stark. But still the oak tree held its ground While other trees fell all around. The weary wind gave up and spoke, "How can you still be standing, Oak?" The oak tree said, "I know that you Can break each branch of mine in two, Carry every leaf away, Shake my limbs, and make me sway, But I have rocks stretched in the earth. Growing stronger since my birth. You'll never touch them, for you see, They are the deepest part of me. Until today, I wasn't sure Of just how much I could endure. But now I've found, with thanks to you, I'm stronger than I ever knew. Author Unknown (Submitted by Carol Clarke) --- ...Such a beautiful Poem! Thank You For Sharing This CarolC! We have a strong foundation with Jesus Christ Our Lord as our ROCK! Three Heroic Guys Died in Aurora Taking Bullets For Their Girlfriends http://tinyurl.com/d6c9kra Gun Control Only Makes Law-Abiding People Defenseless http://tinyurl.com/bw8t6kn Shooting at Batman Premier Blamed on TEA Party http://tinyurl.com/c34vstm I Pray for America! http://tinyurl.com/c7v2qor -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This Too Hot to handle one comes from our friend RichardF. This one will leave you in awe at how intricate and stunning this art work is. A Must see to believe! ., . ____/__, .' \ / \==\``` / \ 77 \ | /_.----\\__,-----. <--(\_|_____<__|_____/ \ ''''/| ``/``` `. / | I| `./ |____I| !!!!!!! | | I | | | I | \ \ I | | | I | _|_|_I_| /__/____| hjw Indian Paper Sculpture http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/indianart.html --- ...Even Paul was stunned at this one RichardF! Thanks! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: It Matters How You Say It ____ .' '. ____ Do you realize that the / __ \ .-' '-. only time in our lives | / \ | / __ \ when we like to get old | \__/ | | / \ | is when we're kids? If \ >< / | \__/ | you're less than 10 years ;.____.; \ {>()<} / old, you're so excited /`| \# / |`\ `;._/\_.;` about aging that you ;# | \/ | #\ /` (/\) `\ think in fractions. How | | == | \ / \ old are you? | #| |\ # \ / / \ \ "I'm four and a half." | ; |#\ #\ / -/ \- \ You're never 36 and \# / \/ \# \__/-._/ \_.-\ a half; you're four `| | \_.'=-;._/ \_.-; and a half going on |.-. .-.| //\_/`\_/ \\_/ five! |\_/ \_/| || ||'-.______.-'`\ | , | ||_...._||._ _.-' That the key. You get | |\ | //.----.\\ ;```--```; into your teens. Now | ||-- | |`-....-'| | /| | they can't hold you | || | \ / | --|| | back. You jump to the | ||.-.| '.____.' ;.-.|| | next number. How old | |; . | |_. || | are you? "I'm gonna jgs |'--;`/ `\ / \ |._.; be 16." You could be ;.__| >--| |--< |.__| 12, but you're gonna (___) \_/ \_/ (__) be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens: you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony: you BECOME 21... YES!!! But then you turn 30... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40... stay over there, it's all slipping away... You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50... and your dreams are gone. Then you MAKE IT to 60... you didn't think you'd make it!!!! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70! After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30, my grandmother won't even buy green bananas... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's you start going backwards... I was JUST 92... Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: "I'm 100 and a half!!!!" ======================================================= +------- BIZARRE JULY HOLIDAYS -------+ July 23 National Vanilla Ice Cream Day July 24 Amelia Earhart Day July 25 Threading The Needle Day July 26 All Or Nothing Day July 27 Take Your Pants For A Walk Day July 28 National Milk Chocolate Day July 29 Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend EdLaF :) ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >The South... Florida A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back. "Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper. -<>- Georgia The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings." -<>- Louisiana A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world." -<>- Mississippi The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number." -<>- North Carolina A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither." -<>- Tennessee A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?" -<>- Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' " *** Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North. --- ...LOL! Ya gotta point there! Thanks EdLaF! ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Brenda :) ((" ") <)) <\(> '\| |\ ________/|______| \_________ kOs >Senior Dating Dorothy: ''That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.'' Edna: ''Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman. In a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but aluxury car...A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... A marvelous dinner...Lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!'' Dorothy: ''Goodness gracious!... So are you telling me I shouldn't go out with him?'' Edna: ''No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress.'' --- ...LOL! Oh my goodness! Thanks Brenda! -<>- ___ (___) /` `\ / /"\ \ \_/o o\_/ ( _ ) `\ /` /\\V//\ / /_ _\ \ \ \___/ / \/===\/ || || || || ||___|| |_____| jgs ||| / Y \ `"`"` >Celebrate My mom called her friend May on her 100th birthday. “How are you going to celebrate?” she asked. “My children are coming for the weekend,” May said happily. “You must be looking forward to that,” Mom said. “Yes,” May replied, “but it's a lot of work, washing the floors and making up their beds.” “Why don't you wait and have the children do it?” Mom suggested. “Oh, my, no, I couldn't do that,” May countered. “They're in their 80s!” --- ...LMAO! Always a parent! Thanks Brenda! =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [Politic] >From PatriotUpdate: Runaway Slave Could Cause Obama to Lose the Election http://tinyurl.com/bv4sl4u -<>- >From PoliticalOutcast: The Most Pro-Gun City in the United State http://tinyurl.com/cds3nxz -<>- >From ConservativeByte: Mexico Lectures U.S. On Gun Laws http://tinyurl.com/c54u8lh -<>- >From ConservativeContacts: Obama Using Mexico To Increase Government Dependence http://tinyurl.com/cwrv6z3 -<>- >From Our Friend EdLaF :) Business Owners Hit Back at Obama in ‘I Built This’ Video http://tinyurl.com/c383dwq --- ...Yep, Irritating! Thanks EdLaF! Granted, business did not 'build' the roads - 'we the people' did so we could get TO the grocery store and hardware store and drug store and the department store, etc.! Business provides us with a service we all benefit from or the business goes down. Small Business should not have to be expected to pay more in taxes to provide 'we the people' with services we need and enjoy. Besides, they employ 65% of the people who are then able to pay taxes to continue the cycle of a prospering community. That is just backward thinking by Obama. Tax the rich ONLY hurts all of us. Business just has to pass these costs on to folks like us who have to pay the higher prices in the goods and services they provide or they employ less of us people who need the jobs or they go down and no taxes are collected and a bunch of jobs gets lost. The bottom line is - Heavily Tax them and you heavily hurt all of us! We pay for it in the long run. -<>- >From BizarreNews: If the government can do it, why can't homeowner's associations? You pay your federal income tax, your state income tax, your municipal taxes, your Social Security and Medicare taxes, investment and estate (death) taxes, you pay sales tax, property tax, excise taxes and TWO gasoline taxes. You also pay for license plate stickers, city stickers, toll roads, parking meters and airport security fees (all taxes, don't fool yourself) and if your government has its way, you'll soon be paying a "value added tax" as well. Why would anybody think that a private bureaucracy would be better than a public one? They aren't. Take the example of this homeowner's association in Denver, Colorado that got a little carried away with their authority to levy fines. A Denver woman said her HOA is fining her $200 for having brown spots on her yard amid drought conditions. Lori Worthman said she has been trying to get her grass to grow, but her attempts have been unsuccessful and the city has declared a Stage 1 drought and imposed watering restrictions. "I'm glad to try to reseed again when it cools off, but we're in the middle of a heat wave," Worthman said. However, the Green Valley Ranch Homeowner's Association wants her to pay a $200 fine for failing to make her grass grow. "We would much rather have her fix the problem than collect the fine," association president James Tanner said. "If your house looks like trash then it's going to depreciate the value of everything around you. That's what an HOA is for is to establish and maintain property values." *-- Burglar takes cheese from Pizza Hut --* ALTAMONTE SPRINGS, Fla. - Police in Florida said a man who broke into a Pizza Hut store took two cases of mozzarella cheese when he was unable to open the cash register. Altamonte Springs police said the shoeless bandit was recorded on surveillance video at 2 a.m. June 9 breaking into the store by smashing the glass of the front door with a crowbar and attempting to open a cash register by slamming it on the ground, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Tuesday. Police said the man was unable to open the register and then proceeded to the kitchen, where he took two cases of mozzarella cheese before leaving the store. Police said they are attempting to identify the burglar. *-- Human mattress domino record broken --* BEIJING - Guinness World Records said 1,001 people clung tight to mattresses in China to set the world record for largest human mattress dominoes. Guinness adjudicator Dong Cheng said the volunteers gathered in Shanghai to beat the record of 850, which was set in February in New Orleans. Cheng said the human mattress dominoes took 11 minutes and 11 seconds to fall. "For an event like this involving 1,000 people, to succeed [the] first time is not just about luck. All other conditions must be correct. First of all, all the participants must fully understand the rules," Cheng said. "Second, the volunteers were all very brave. No one dodged when the 2-meter-high [about 6 feet-high] mattress fell onto them." *-- Bistro staffed by recovering addicts --* WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - A Florida psychiatrist said the restaurant he opened in May is staffed by former drug addicts and psychiatric patients. Dr. Robert Moran, 49, of West Palm Beach, said he opened Moran's Italian Burger Bistro as a component of his nearby Wellington Retreat treatment clinic in May and 14 of the 36 employees are patients at the clinic, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Friday. "It occurred to me that we were missing something in our program, and that was the occupational piece," Moran said. "The environment out there wasn't cooperating, so we created our own environment." General Manager Troy Sheller, who suffered from addiction in his youth, said the restaurant gives extra chances to workers who backslide. "Most restaurants, a lot of people would have been fired," Sheller said. "But I give them second and third chances." Sheller said he starts job interviews by asking, "What was your drug of choice, and how long have you been clean?" "I've seen grown men cry; the wall goes down immediately," Sheller said. "In most interviews they have to hide that stuff." *-- Torch carrier now carries a spelling error --* ATLANTA - A U.S. woman celebrated her role in the London Olympic Torch relay with a tattoo, only to discover her arm now reads "Oylmpic Torch Bearer 2012," she said. Jerri Peterson, 54, of Atlanta, Ga., carried the torch through Derby, England, June 30 after she was one of 70 people nominated for the honor by her employer, a hotel chain, for her years of charity work, the BBC reported Thursday. Returning to America she decided to commemorate the honor with her first tattoo, but the artist misspelled a crucial word. "I looked at it was so disappointed. I called my husband and he giggled a little bit. Then I started laughing about it and I've been laughing ever since," she said of the discovery. Peterson said the artist "felt so bad when he found out. He wanted to fix it but I decided to keep it. It's the Oy-lmpics. It's a unique as I am." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) , ,\|// /, _|="=\="=./_, ,//"\-/\"\= //_, ,\/=/,"=/ /"=`///. jgs ,\//="\'-.\"//-c_ a\ ,\\_\=_\/=\"/,)_-"\\\_=___) `/-/=//,-'`--)))`--))) >Fable of the Porcupine It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their Companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close Relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive. The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities. The moral of the story is: Just learn to live with the stickers in your life! --- ...TeeHee! Thanks KarenF! ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) _,-""`""-~`) (`~_,=========\ |---,___.-.__,\ | o \ ___ _,,,,_ _.--. \ `^` /`_.-"~ `~-;` \ \_ _ .' `, | |`- \'__/ / ,_ \ `'-. / .-""~~--. `"-, ;_ / | \ \ | `""` \__.--'`"-. /_ |' `"` `~~~---.., | jgs \ _.-'`-. \ \ '. / `"~"` >Thought for Today Sometimes you have to forget what's gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what's coming next. -<>- >Think In A New Way Your thoughts guide you to your destiny. If you always think the same you will always get to the same place. Think in a new way and you will be a new person. Give happiness to all and you will live in peace. Create peace in your mind and you will create a world of peace around you. ~~unknown --- ...Thanks Bunni! This reminds me of this... Phil.2: [5] Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: If we are going to think in a 'new' way, it is best if it is God's way - so let His - Jesus thoughts be our thoughts! Rom.12: [2] And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. -<>- __ __ \ `-._......_.-` / `. '. .' .' "A wise owl lived in an oak, // _`\/`_ \\ The more he saw, the less he spoke, || /\O||O/\ || The less he spoke, the more he heard, |\ \_/||\_/ /| Why aren't we like that old bird ?" \ '. \/ .' / / ^ `'~ ~'` \ / _-^_~ -^_ ~- | | / ^_ -^_- ~_^\ | | |~_ ^- _-^_ -| | | \ ^-~_ ~-_^ / | \_/;-.,____,.-;\_/ =jgs======(_(_(==)_)_)========= >Old Sayings...Different Twist See if you can translate the following into the familiar sayings we've all heard? See answers below. 1. Scintillate, Scintillate, asteroid exiguous. 2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate. 3. Surveillance should precede salutations 4. Pulchritude poses possesses solely cutaneous profundity 5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid. 6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude. 7. The stylus is more potent then the claymore. 8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers. 9. Eschew the implement of correction of vitiate the scion. 10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not does reach 212 F'. 11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous. 12. Where there are visible vapors in ignited carbonaceous material, there is conflagration. Answers: 1. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. 2. Birds of a feather flock together. 3. Think before you speak. 4. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 5. Don't cry over spilled milk. 6. Cleanliness is next to godliness. 7. The pen is mightier than the sword. 8. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. 9. Spare the rod and spoil the child. 10. A watched pot doesn't boil. 11. All that glitters is not gold. 12. Where there's smoke, there's fire. --- ...LOL! Wow! Way over my head! Thanks Bunni! Reminds me of that smart guy on criminal minds. -<>- ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy During a sermon one Sunday, the pastor saw two teenage girls in the back giggling and disturbing people. He interrupted his sermon and announced sternly, "There are two of you here who have not heard a word I've said." That quieted them down. When the service was over, he went to greet people at the front door. Three different adults apologized for going to sleep in church, promising it would never happen again. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Bunni! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs :) .-------------------.__ /` ( I don't get paid ) O/ __ ( enough for this #@#$!% ) / / / `---O-------------------' O/ O/O/ o o _ . ,---. oOO___;-`-._,.,-. _.._,' __ `. ______| |_|| | (___ ;' `. ; /' / .' `'`-' ``\\ / ; ; / / ,,))\ ,' ,' _,'`\/ `---' ; ; ; `. `. __,-' ,------`--`---. ((( _ _ __) .',' ' `. -------. |\\//\\//\\//\\//\| `. |//\\//\\//\\//\\/| | |\\//\\//\\//\\//\| ________/ \\\_\___________/ jv A young couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at a rattlesnake farm they discovered along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Gosh!" exclaimed the young woman. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?" "Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler. "Well," she continued, "what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?" "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make cut across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound." "What, uh...what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman. "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are." -<>- Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend Morris came to visit him. Bernie struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside." "What does she read?" asks Morris. "My life insurance policy." -<>- As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!" -<>- ___________,_____ | | # |=====| | | (_) |=====| |> _ |_____|=====| | [_] | | | | |_____|=====| | | |_____| | ] |_____| | | |_____|=====| | | ___ |_____| |> |[___]| | | |[___]|=====| |_____|=====|_____| jgs [###########] Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying "Free to good home, You want it you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read "Fridge for sale $5o". The next day someone stole it. -<>- Put in charge of organizing my friend's baby shower, I de- cided to send out invitations via email. To let my husband know that he had baby-sitting duty that day, I entered his name on the "copy to" line. Within minutes of sending the messages, I received an email back from my husband. He wrote, "Imagine my disappointment when I realized that your invitation wasn't sent only to me." He was referring to the "Subject" line of my message, which read, "Lunch and a shower." An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose. The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose. The statistician jumped up and down screaming, "We got him! We got him!" -<>- , |) |; ,,;, zzzzzz |a a| | L | : -,': --;; \;;--. \ \ \` \ ((\U/ ) `--\_/ pb In Washington State, a little north of Seattle, is a river called the Stillaguamish, but it wasn't always called that. It was originally named "Aguamish" after a local Indian tribe. When Lewis & Clark finally made their way to the west coast they came to the Aguamish tribe and met the chief who told them what the name of the river was and gave them a tour of the area. Years later Merriweather Lewis returned and met the Aguamish chief again and the subject finally came around to the river: "Chief, I've been told that, because of so many white men have arrived in the area, many of the rivers are being renamed because they couldn't pronounce the names. Tell me, what is the name of your river now, please, " Lewis pleaded. "Oh," replied the chief. "It's Stillaguamish." -<>- A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) \\\\, / \\ '<' ) \- / _)_(_ .'\___/'. /.-.___.-.\ [_________] | | ( | , | (\/) ) _\)_ | -|- | <_@__> _(/_ || | | | (/\)(\/) || || | | (\/) <_@_> || || | | <_@_>'(/\) || || | | (/\|/|-. || || .---------. _|_|_ || ||_,-'---------'-,__ |WWWWW| ___jgs|_|____________________|_\_____/__ __ .-. / \ //)\\ | | ||(|| .-. (\__/) .//\\\. //|\\ _)__(_ / `"""` \ )|||( /` `\ .jgs===================================. | | | | | | A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit & they asked him what happened. The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. The third Sunday, he put his wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.. -<>- -<>- [an Et-Ahem!] The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good", said the teacher. Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used President Obama's method of giving you some crap by dressing it up so it looks good and telling you it's free only to make you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth later." Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment. Bless his heart. ********************************* When I was a child I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers --- ...Oh Boy! LOL! Thanks Johanna! -<>- _ /\.'|_ _.-| |\ | / |_ / \ _>-"""-._.'|_ >`-.' `./ \ /`./ \-< `-| |_/ /_| |_\ ) | | | -<| |\/ `'_\ /`< |_/`. .'\_/ \_/ >-.._..-'\_| `-`_| \_\|_/ | `' | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | /\ | | | /| \ |\ | |/ |/ \| \| VK >Stella Awards It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know the kind of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy. Here are the Stellas for this past year -- 2011....... * SEVENTH PLACE * Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son. Start scratching! * SIXTH PLACE * Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. Scratch some more... * FIFTH PLACE * Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Keep scratching. There are more... Double hand scratching after this one.. * FOURTH PLACE * Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun. Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot.. * THIRD PLACE * Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions? Only two more so ease up on the scratching... *SECOND PLACE* Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure. Ok. Here we go!! Drum roll ... * FIRST PLACE * This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home. If you think the court system is out of control and America has lost ALL common sense, be sure to pass this one on!!! --- ...WoW! Crazy! LOL! Thanks Johanna! ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Our Valuable Anchor http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html Among The Orchids! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/orchids.html Chevy: American Pride! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevypride.html Chapel Oak! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oakchapel.html Graffiti Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/graffiti.html Albino Hummingbird! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html Bikes From The Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pastbikes.html Home Security! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/security.html Humor In Politics 6! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics6.html Sweet Little Pad! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/homepad.html Tour Inside Of Google! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/insidegoogle.html -<>- >From Our Friend Brenda :) This is so INGENIOUS!! It's true that necessity is the mother of all invention. We take something so simple as windows and sunlight for granted - a luxury in a third world country. http://www.wimp.com/lightenup/ --- ...WoW! Pretty ingenious! Thanks Brenda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) And you thought Diablo III had lag … http://tinyurl.com/c2dstjq --- ...Most interesting! Thanks PatDeE! Zooooooooom http://zanylol.com/coaster.html --- ...What Fun! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I have a friend whose life is so boring, he has a bumper sticker on his car that says, 'Hit me. I need the excite- ment.'" --Bill Jones "I hate waking up every morning to my alarm. I always bang my head on the steering wheel." --Scott Wood "Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?" --Lisa Claymen "Government officials in California now have to pay a one dollar fine when they use a word that's hard for taxpayers to understand. In a related story Arnold now owes $50,000." --Conan O'Brien "Well the big story, the Los Angeles Police Department announced they will no longer arrest famous people who break the law. What's the point?" --Jay Leno "I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well." --Robert Benchley "Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another." --George Carlin "My boyfriend won't see anything he terms a 'chick flick'. That's any film where a woman talks." --Maura Kennedy I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!" "This is America. If you don't like spaghetti and meatballs, then you can just get the hell out!" --Steve Buscemi as the homeless guy in "Big Daddy". >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************