Stop, Look, And Listen ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->LINKS For Your Enjoyment :) Angels Are Watching http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelswatching.html Jesus Laughing Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.html I believe In You! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ibelieveinyou.html Love Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovetest.html HOLIDAY GREETINGS COURTESY OF RAIL EUROPE http://downloads.raileurope.com/holidayCard/06_christmas_card.html Carolyn with/Sleigh Ride with Johnny Mathis http://carolynspreciousmemories.com./50s/sleighride.html Ken w/ When My Tears Flow http://gospelman.info/christian/WhenMyTearsFlow.html The First Christmas Gift http://www.andiesisle.com/thefirstchristmasgift.hs.html ANIMATED XMAS GIFS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html ANIMATED SANTA GIFS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html ANIMATED Nativity GIFS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html -<>- >From Our Friend Connie Sue :) Click on the following link: http://www.americangreetings.com/ecards/view.pd?i=451055085&m=7992&rr=y&source=ag999 --- ...Very Nice ecard - Thank You Connie Sue! -<>- >From Our Friend Maxy's Pal Our Misc. Group Photos have a sweet addition -- Check it out here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/ --- ...I loved it! Thanks Maxy's Pal! ================================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: Unusual Job Applicant Behavior We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The low lights: 1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application." 2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time." 3. "A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece." 4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate." 5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve." .-----. 6. "Stated that, if he were hired, / '. ' .\ he would demonstrate his loyalty |_.__'_.|} by having the corporate logo (=(_)^(_)=) tattooed on his forearm." ;, > ,; ;;;~~~;;; 7. "Interrupted to phone his therapist ___.';;;;;'.__ for advice on answering specific /'`\ `\ /` /`'\ interview questions." / | | | | \ jgs( | |\_/| | @~ ) 8. "When I asked him about his | | | | | | hobbies, he stood up and | /| | | |\ | started tap dancing around \ || | | || / my office." ( || | | || ) | || |___| || | 9. "At the end of the interview, \ ||___|[_]|___O| / while I stood there dumb struck, | | / \O| | went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left." 10. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him." 11. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much." 12. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold." 13. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview." 14. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more. "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer." 15. "His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume." 16. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one." 17. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security." ( 18. "Pointing to a black case he __________ )\ carried into my office, he said / /\______{,} that if he was not hired, the jgs \_________\/ bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk." ============================================================== ____ 3 ., _ ' `_ _______ --+-[---------.---(-)-----(@)----|-------|---.-----|-------------. | ] | |~ |~ (@) _ | | |} | --+-[-----|---+---|-------|--|--(@)----------+-----|----------|}-+ |/ | | | | | |~ (@) _ | | _| .. | | --Y-------|---+---|-------|--|--|---|---(@)--+-|>( )------|---|--+ /|_ _| | `=_| | | |~ | ~ |>(@) | |-@-)---(@)---+-----------------|---|---|---+-------------------+ \_|/ ~ | | | | | --+-----------"-------------------------|----"-------------------" | ._} --jw -- Bizarre Music Facts -- Melba toast is named after Australian opera singer Dame Nellie Melba (1861-1931). Elvis' favorite collectibles were official badges. He col- lected police badges in almost every city he performed in. Duran Duran took their name from a mad scientists in the movie Barbarella. The world's largest disco was held at the Buffalo Conven- tion Centre, New York, 1979. 13,000 danced a place into the Guinness Book of World Records. In August 1983, Peter Stewart of Birmingham, UK set a world record by disco dancing for 408 hours. The Beatles song "Martha My Dear" was written by Paul Mc- Cartney about his sheepdog Martha. The harmonica is the world's best-selling music instrument. Themes from movies Unforgiven, A Perfect World, The Bridges of Madison County, Absolute Power and Million Dollar Baby were all written by Clint Eastwood. The only guy without a beard in ZZTOP surname (last name) is Beard. The Carpenters signature song, We've Only Just Begun, was originally part of a television commercial for a Califor- nia bank. ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ......... .'------.' | Plug and Play? | .-----. | | | | | | | __| | | | |;. _______________ / |*`-----'.|.' `; // / `---------' .;' // /| / .''''////////;' // |=| .../ ######### /;/ //| |/ / / ######### // //|| / `-----------' // || /________________________________//| || `--------------------------------' | || : | || | || |__LL__|| || | || : | || | || | || `""' n | || `""' | || M | || | || | || | || `""' `""' Somehow I picked up a few viruses on my home computer so I took it to Best Buy last week so their techs could de-bug it and install the lastest anti-virus and defrag it, etc... I'm going to pick it up tonight. I'm a little nervous about what they had to do to it. When I brought it in the kid behind the counter plugged it all up while I was standing there and turned it on to make sure it worked and to find out what kind of operating system it used. When the monitor came to life the kid took one look and flinched like he was about to be struck. He frantically started punching keys while cradling the phone against his ear, "Mitch, you've got to come over here and take a look at this! And bring Larry." "Sir," he said eventually turning back to me, "we're going to have to keep your computer for at least a week. And when you come back don't forget to bring your credit card." Laugh it up, Joe --- ...Seems Joe should of checked out my page: Tech Horror Stories! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tech.html -<>- Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?" One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there." -<>- A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree. The officer rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?" "How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer." -<>- _,,--,,_ /` .`\ / ' _.-' \ | `'_{}_ | | /` `\ | \/ == == \/ What? No H O L I D A Y? /| (.)(.) |\ \| __)_ |/ |\/____\/| | ` ~~ ` | \ / jgs `.____.` I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off? You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again..?" I'm cured?" -<>- When my daughter was about 10 years old I became pregnant. Of course, she wwanted to know how it happened,so I gave what I considered an appropriate explanation of the process. She asked, "Did you do that to get me?" I said yes, and she responded, "And you did it again?" -Arbuta McKee -<>- On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn't know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description beyond a "blue, four-door sedan." "It's the one on fire," he replied. -<>- From a passenger ship one can just barely see a bearded man on a small island in the distance who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is that?" a passenger asked a passing steward. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass by, he goes nuts." -<>- A rancher goes to the bank to borrow money to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. The transaction is made and the banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows!" "Wow," says the banker, "what did the vet do to that bull?" "Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer. "What kind of pills?" asked the banker. "I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint." -<>- "My ten year old daughter asked me what a colon was and I explained that it was a part of the body that food goes through before being eliminated. Then she asked me what a semicolon was and I told her that it was a colon the size of a truck with eighteen wheels." --Thanks to Clean Laffs reader Kathy Bennett ================================================================= >-->From The Jokester: \\\\\\, _/'' \\\ \ D Who? Me? Married?? \_ / <\ />,_ / \Y/ /` \ || # | | || # | | || # | | ||=[]=| | || |__| //| | /||\ >Getting Married is Like... Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man." After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted." Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said: "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?" When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. Sixty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished! A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know yet son, I'm still paying." Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son." Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late." A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire." The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she. Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention. Husband: "Want a quickie?" Wife: "As opposed to what?" My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute. "Congratulations, my boy!" said the uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," the groom protested. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's what I mean." ==================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: - Suspect's wallet left at scene of crime --------- SLIDELL, La. - An accused burglar was arrested after his wallet was found inside a Louisiana drug store where a car earlier had plowed through the wall. Slidell police picked up a side mirror from the debris- covered floor that matched the one missing from Ralph Lindfors' pickup truck, a report said. Police told The New Orleans Times-Picayune that Lindfors allegedly stole more than 450 hydrocodone pills. Hydrocodone is a narcotic painkiller. A surveillance video showed the truck crashing into the store Monday night. The driver then opened a lock cabinet, scooped up the pills and backed out of the store, the report said. .-----. / '. ' .\ |_.__'_.|} (=(_)^(_)=) ;, > ,; ;;;~~~;;; ___.';;;;;'.__ Ratsiunfratsin SNAKE! /'`\ `\ /` /`'\ / | | | | \ jgs( | |\_/| | @~ ) | | | | | | | /| | | |\ | \ || | | || / ( || | | || ) | || |___| || | \ ||___|[_]|___O| / | | / \O| | - Snake may have caused motorcycle crash ---------- NEW ORLEANS - A New Orleans motorcyclist was seriously injured in a crash that apparently occurred when he became distracted by a rattlesnake he was transporting. Investigators say the dead snake was tied to the back of the bike and may have been slipping off. The biker struck a curb and became airborne, landing in the street, The New Orleans Times-Picayune reported. Matt Rutan, a truck driver who was the only witness to the crash Wednesday afternoon, said that as the cyclist passed him he observed what appeared to be a piece of rope dragging behind. The rope later turned out to be a 5-foot canebrake rattlesnake with its fangs and rattles removed. Rutan said that he saw the motorcyclist "lift up a little and twist around in his seat like he was attending to something on the back of his bike." Police said that the cyclist was hospitalized in "very critical condition." "It was one of the strangest accidents I've responded to in my 37 years on the New Orleans Police Department," said Lt. Melvin Howard, assistant commander of the Traffic Division. __..._ ,-` `', ,' \ / | ,' , \ ,' ,/-'` \ _ ./ ,.'`/ \ .-` `^\_,.'` / `\__ 7 / / _,._,.,_,.-'.` `\ \A __/ ,-```-`` `, `, ` ,`) ^-` / ` ,/ -ART BY- ( , ,_ ,-,_,<` -ZEUS- \__ T--` `''` ``` _,\ \_/|\_ ,.-` | | _/ | |T\_ _,'Y / +--,_ <``` \_\/_/ `\\_/ / `\ / ,-- ` _,--,_`----` _,,_ \ / ` | <_._._ > ` \ ` \` | | , ` | | V| \ | | |` \ \ / / / \x \_ | /-` / \ `-,| ,/--` /` \x_ \_ /--'` , / \x_ `` ,,/` ` `-,_,-' ,'` _| |`\ ( `-``/``/`_/ `-`-,.-.-` - 'Grinch' tickets holiday drivers ------------ ORLANDO, Fla. - A police officer dressed as the Dr. Seuss creation the Grinch handed out one traffic ticket per minute for several hours in Central Florida. The green costumed officer said he was given very little time to rest Wednesday as motorists ran red lights and committed other traffic offenses, WKMG-TV, Orlando, reported Thursday. "We averaged about one (ticket) a minute and we've been out here for about 50 minutes," Orange County sheriff's representative Ken Wynne said early in the day. Some motorists said they do not believe their citations were fair. "I think I'm being ticketed wrongly," one motorist said after being cited by the Grinch. Deputies said 184 people died in traffic accidents in the state in 2006. "That's 184 people that would have survived last year if everybody would've obeyed the law," Wynne said. -<>- >From The CoffeeBreak: ,--.!, __/ -*- ,d08b. '|` 0088MM 6-year-old accused in bomb threat `9MMP' hjm Sheriff's deputies in Marion County, Fla., were investigating a kindergarten student who allegedly claimed to have brought a bomb into his school. Authorities said the 6-year-old student was suspended from East Marion Elementary School after he allegedly claimed to have hidden explosives in the backpack of a classmate, WKMG-TV, Orlando, Fla., reported. No bombs were found by police. School officials said they considered the boy's age when meting out the punishment. "We have to do that these days," Marion County Schools administrator Kevin Christian said. "We don't have a choice of whether somebody really means something or not. We have to take it seriously. And if we didn't do that, this week it is a kindergartner, next week it is a fourth grader and the following week it is a high school student and God forbid one of them does what they actually say they would do." The sheriff's office said it does not intend to file criminal charges against the boy, but the child will undergo a risk assessment. Mag: Lawyers lose it around Christmas Lawyers are among the worst behaved Christmas celebration guests, the British magazine Legal Business found in its 2007 Christmas Quiz. The quiz detailed several incidents of holiday misbehavior and hijinks at British law firms, The Daily Telegraph reported. For example, a British law firm fired a trainee who threw up on a partner at a Christmas party. Another firm shipped a partner out to an office in Asia after she was caught engaging in sex with two trainees simultaneously. The magazine also told the story of a lawyer who hired a call girl to drive him back to his hotel in Cannes, France, when he could not locate a taxi. "2007 has seen lawyers earn more than ever with partners regularly taking home more than 1 million pounds ($2 million)," Legal Business editor James Baxter said. "Our quiz seems to suggest that morality levels in the legal profession are directly linked to earnings, with one decreasing as the other increases," he said. "Quiet pride or private turmoil, the answers will, as ever, remain under lock and key." Bush announces incorrect hotline number U.S. President George W. Bush gave out an incorrect toll-free hotline number during his news conference announcing proposed mortgage relief. The number Bush announced Thursday was a hotline and it was toll-free, all right -- but it was a hotline to the Freedom Christian Academy, a Texas group that provides Christian education materials suitable for home schooling, CNN reported. Moments after Bush spoke, the White House press distributed the right number for the "Hope Now Hotline" -- set up in 2004 by the Hope Now Alliance, a coalition of investors, lenders and non-profits. The hotline (1-888-995-HOPE) is intended to help homeowners can get counseling aimed at preventing foreclosure. ================================================================ >-->How To Lose That Extra Weight! _________________ / _ /| / / / ####### // / /_/ ####### // KDDR / ______________ // ===============' Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities, and the number of calories per hour they consume. Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75 Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100 Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150 Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50 Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25 Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight). . . .50-300 Dragging your heels. . . . . . . . . . 100 Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . 250 Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500 Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50 Wading through paperwork . . . . . . . 300 Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . 75 Jumping on the bandwagon . . . . . . . 200 Balancing the books. . . . . . . . . . .25 Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350 Eating crow. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 225 Tooting your own horn. . . . . . . . . .25 Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 750 Pulling out the stops. . . . . . . . . .75 Adding fuel to the fire. . . . . . . . 160 Wrapping it up at the day's end. . . . .12 Opening a can of worms . . . . . . . . .50 Putting your foot in your mouth. . . . 300 Covering your tracks . . . . . . . . . 165 Starting the ball rolling. . . . . . . .90 Going over the edge. . . . . . . . . . .25 Picking up the pieces after. . . . . . 350 Counting eggs before they hatch. . . . . 6 Cracking a smile . . . . . . . . . . . .35 Calling it quits . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 -<>- >Unusual phobias: SCARED?? __ __ /_ _^^_ _\ _____|________|______ `=====.'""""""'.=====` / /a /a \ .-. | /\ | <" ) \ / / \ .`\, _'. \/\/\/ .'_ \ \_\ ./,' '-.\\'-------' \`------'/ '--""---'//.-' ###'.-'/________ \/""""\/ ________\'-.'### '/` \ : / `\` | | \ : | | \ \_____:_____ / [I=I=[_]I=I] / | \ / |_ \ / /\ \ / /##\ \ | ,/ ## \, | \ \ ## / / \ \ ## / / \ \##/ / jgs \ /\/\ / __,\_/X##X\_/.__ '.'/|\\XX//|\'.` '/'|.\##/,|`\' ## ## ## \ ## / / \ , \ \\##// , / /, /. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ alektorophobia - fear of chickens aulophobia - fear of a flute clinophobia - fear of going to bed ecclesiaphobia - fear of churches eisoptrophobia - fear of mirrors geniophobia - fear of chins genuphobia - fear of knees gymnotophobia - fear of nudity ichthyophobia - fear of fish levophobia - fear of the left side linonophobia - fear of string meteorophobia - fear of being hit by meteor nephelophobia - fear of clouds odontophobia - fear of teeth ouranophobia - fear of heaven pediophobia - fear of dolls pogonophobia - fear of beards siderophobia - fear of starts stygiophobia - fear of hell triskaidekaphobia - fear of the number 13 =========================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: __ -. (#)(#) .- '\.';;'./' .-\.' ;; './-. ; ;; ; ; .''. ; ''' ''' Q. How does a fly land upside down on the ceiling? A. Flies, like airplanes, quickly lose their lift when flying upside down. The trick to landing upside down is all in the legs. Flies have three pairs, and they start the maneuver by reaching above their head with the first two legs, making contact with the ceiling. The somersault continues with a body tuck that pulls the last two pairs of legs forward and up to the ceiling. This feat allows the fly to suspend itself upside down without having to complete a full roll. -<>- >Darwin Awards Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... AND NOW, THE HONORABLE MENTIONS: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. ===================================================================== >-->From The Mouth: Christmas Shopping Fun _ )\_ _,-, _ _.---.._) ( _) ( .-' `. ___`)8o) (` _.' _.-:::::::o()8-` _ / .::::::::::::::\ >\_ __ _/ , .;:::::-;""))`_\::| _____):<__)\__ / \;::::" _ ,%"'%/ _.-' _.'):(_);( .| \ \::| ,%"' ,a'_|.._ _.-' _.' .-\O_);_(' | /`-. `.|:; %`,a' ,_ \/|"".-' .'__.'o8()8_(' | | \ `._ _) _.' | |""""""""| |"""")O""| |_|_ \_ \ \`-.__.'|\` /`| | | /:( | (%%%%\ `. / \ .'_`---' | | | ):( | |)%%%%| `._ / `"--' `-' | | | \(` | /%%%%%| ) .' | | | ` | .|%%%%%/ /.' `. |--------|__|--------|' .\%%%/ .;;;. `. .'|___,-._.%%%%\_______|.'| |"" ;:::::; `-.__ _.' ..._/%%|/%%%%%| | | | ;:::::; .'`.`````` ,;::::%%%%%%%%%%| _ _ | |/ |`:::' \ .-`::::::\%%%%%%%%| (_><_)| / | .'`._.'`. `:::::`%%%%%%/ _/\ | / \ .-' \:::::\%%%'|______\_|/ \ \:::::;"' `-. `._ \:::;` _)_ `. /`"' / O \ `-. .-' |~__| hjw `. _.-' |__x| `-._____.--' 1. Randomly put cans of cat food in peoples carts when they are not looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals 3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens 5. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10 6. Challenge other customers to duel with tubes of gift wrap 7. Put M&M's on layaway 8. Move "CAUTION_WET FLOOR" signs to carpet areas 9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department 10. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why won't you people leave me alone?" 11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose 12. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes and X-Men 13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon 14. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are 15. Switch signs on the men's and women's bathrooms 16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible" 17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front 18. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels 19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!" 20. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position an scream "NO!NO! It's those voices again" 21. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them you don't get out much and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it 22. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud: "Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!" ============================================================== >-->From AnyChaps: >The Paradox Of Our Age We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less common sense; more knowledge, but less judgement; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness. We spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom and lie too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; we've done larger things, but not better things; we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice; we write more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes; but lower morals; more food, but less appeasement; more acquaintances, but fewer friends; more effort, but less success. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication, we've become long on quantity, but short on quality. These are the time of fast foods and slow digestions; tall men and short character, steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure and less fun, more kinds of food, but less nutrition. These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom. ~- George Carlin -<>- >Just In Case You Forgot ** If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. ** If God had a wallet, your photo would be in it. ** He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. ** When you want to talk, He'll listen. ** He could live anywhere in the universe and yet He chose our heart. ** And that Christmas gift He sent you in Bethlehem? ** Face it friend, He's crazy about you. ** -<>- >-->FIVE WAYS TO HAVE A MORE JOYFUL CHRISTMAS . . /XX\ * /XXX/ \XX( . + (___) _-__---.XXX| * . ___,-/XXX' ___\XX| /XXXXXX/ ,-'_ _`XX| . |XXXX/\|_/ O _)\X| . ,-|/ (\\ ==___=)| + |\/\/\ : \ ,-' ' ' (_/ / \ __/ ___""" ,', ''' ' ,,,'XX\ __ >===^--' `--. ; ,/XXXXX'X-.XXXX)-. /##\ _-' ___ \ ' |XX\XXXXXX`.XX|XX\-_|##| / / / \ |XXX`-_,-.XX>/XXX/ /|##/ | /__/ | \----/XXX\/ _\/ \/###| | ) | |##/XXXX|\/XXX) `-.#/ \ | _>'XXX/ \ \\ ` | / \\\_/ | / \ / / )| _/ ,,"" / "= `-_| | "",,,,-'"\ | / // /|"" /) )"=, \#\ ,-.| \ ,,\ ",// /"/ ,/ / )/ """'\ (###) \_/<_>\ / /(/ / __ / =..\##/ |\ / """ ,/ / / )| "=::/:/ / \ \,,,, ,/-_ / / // `""' _/ | """" `-,,,"\.",// / | / / / "--""" / __/ \ / / _^ _/ __ \ _______--_______________________/ \_____________________/ / \ - / / ---' /__^__^ \ \ \ . `---^--' . . \ / . \ . ()()() . ()()() , , ` __ , ___ __O##) /##<####\ <_####/ ## #OO#\# ,'### /##/ || ## /#### /#/ \/ #/ /##|### #/ / | #/### #\ #| / / ##|### \# #| | | ##### #\ / \\\/\####__ # )) )) \//\/\####> ====== unknown --1. STOP, LOOK, AND LISTEN: If you discover yourself becoming dulled to the joys of the season, STOP! Slow the pace down and become still, taking time to LOOK and LISTEN. Take a winter walk, curl up in a favorite chair or in front of the fireplace. Helen Keller once observed, "The seeing see little." So feel the comfort of the glow of a candle, or the red of the poinsettias. Listen with new ears to laughter and bells, and to the expression of love of God found in the story of the first Christmas. --2. BE WILLING TO BE SURPRISED: Remember that God can come in the least likely ways: a Holy Child born in a village stable, a brightly shining star, an angel song in the night sky. Watch for Him to come in equally surprising ways to you, too. When we live as if God is going to "surprise" us at any moment, in any way, in any place, then He usually does! --3. FIND WAYS TO ANTICIPATE CHRISTMAS: How about keeping an advent calendar? Commit yourself to perform at least one special act of kindness for each day of advent. Write a note, letter, card or e-mail to someone to express your gratitude, to tell someone you love them, to forgive an old hurt, or just to count your blessings. --4. FREE YOUR CHILDLIKE SPIRIT: Jesus held up childlikeness as a quality to be cultivated (Mark 10:15). Children are experts at dreaming up simple things as delights that adults don't, or have forgotten how to do. Can't you picture a little boy singing "Jingle Bells" to a plastic Jesus in a store? Christmas often comes in precious moments like this, when we spontaneously show our adoration for the Baby in the manger. --5. SHARE THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS WITH SOMMEONE ELSE: Nothing multiplies the sense of wonder in your life like giving it away. The more you share (not just things, but yourself) the brighter Christmas grows. I pray that we will all remember that "Jesus is the reason for the season" and the source of our joy at Christmas and throughout the year. ================================================================= >-->FUN Places to Net Visit :) >From Linky&DInky: SENSORY FRAUD 20 simple but exasperating clickers to prove you can't believe your lying eyes. http://tinyurl.com/htvp EVERYBODY's HOOKED on DVDs All the new DVDs come out on Tuesdays -- What's coming out this Tuesday? http://www.comingsoon.net/dvd/index.php HERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO AT HOME for fun and profit. (I would use spray paint.) http://www.rawstyle.com/gallery/t_seats/index.htm and here's something that WON'T work http://kittywigs.com/wigindex.html -<>- >From The Mouthpiece: Hip Hop Gram Send free hip hop greeting cards online Visit: Hip Hop Gram Twitter Lit Twittering the first lines of books so you don't have to. Visit: Twitter Lit Simon Sez Santa Give the big man some orders and he'll do whatever you ask. Visit: Simon Sez Santa Dog Armor The next time you go to the Renaissance Faire bring your dog in his own suit of armor. Also, check out the squirrel armor too. Visit: Dog Armor -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: John w/ Holly Leaves http://heavens-gates.com/hollyleaves/ I WISH FOR YOU http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/IWISHFORYOU.HTML Angels Are Watching http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelswatching.html As I've Matured Via Dianne http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/life/life.htm Marlene w/ Away In a Manger http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML3/Away-In-A-Manger.html Doggie Zone http://www.showdog.com/ Kitty Korner http://www.breedlist.com/siamese-trad-breeders.html Close 2 http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21725.htm Coca Cola Party http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21726.htm Cookie Blues http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21727.htm Dentyne http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21728.htm Bud 3 http://www.buffalosjokes.com/112463.htm Frost Bites http://buffalosjokes.com/112464.htm ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it." - Michel de Montaigne "I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them." - Jane Austen "A thought is often original, though you have uttered it a hundred times." - Oliver Wendell Holmes "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." - Edgar Allan Poe "Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays." - Oscar Wilde "I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good." - Seneca "I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on." -Beryl Pfizer, American journalist "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." --Jerry Garcia - Grateful Dead "I wrote a novel this year called, 'Shop Girl,' and several producers came to me and wanted to turn it into a movie. And I said, 'If you think you're going to take this book and change it around, and Hollywoodize it and change the ending, well, that's going to cost you.'" -Steve Martin "One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." --Bertrand Russell ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************