Story Time! ... :) Shangy!
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bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
The first hot new page is from compiled forwards from Our
Friends Linda, Karen, LouiseA, and Geniann. These artists
works are way beyond stunning! Be sure to check out the video
at the end too...
_------Q--\
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<_____________/
/ _ )))))))))
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|~~~| (____/' ))))))))))
| | ))))))))))))))))) |\
| | (((((((((((((((((( / |
| | /~~\----------/| // \ | _/
| |<===| ===] ||// \ \____ //'
//| | \__/~~~~~~~~~~|^ _--~~~ ~~~-//
// | | | / () () // )
// | | | | () _-//-~
// | | ((((((((| () (_//
// | | | : | ~~---_
// | | | | \ () () )
// | | | | ~--__ __-~
// |___| | | |~//~~~~~
// // \\ / / |//
// // \\ (___(___________|-
// [==] [==]
unknown
Chalk Art 8
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart8.html
---
...Unbelievably awesome! Thanks so much Ladies!
This next scorcher is from our friend Desi. This one will make
you feel better about your own embarrassing moments! Give this
one plenty of time to load as they are all small video clips.
Click the link below to view...
.::\)`:`,
.:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----,
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| ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . |
| \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .|
| |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . |
\ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. |
\ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .|
\ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . |
\ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . |
\ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (,
\._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ;
| | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. |
| .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .|
| / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . |
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| | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .|
| | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| |
|/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . |
| ! | | | | ! |~~~~'
| ! | | | | ! |
Wedding Fails
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddingfails.html
---
...This is hilarious! Thanks Desi!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
___ .-""-.
/ '''---...-'.' `\\
jgs \___...---"""-._-.__// Fixin To Make The Fixins...
'---'
If I where a maniac, I would drive a Cadillac. But at least I would
not be a hypochondriac, even if I was on prozac. If I was fixing to
make the biscuits I would first get the biscuit mixes. Then I would
make the biscuit fixins I was fixin to get the biscuit mixes. But I
seen two stixes so I used the stixes to mix the mixes together to
make the biscuit fixins. But then suddenly Mr Nicks started to help
me with the biscuit fixins. Then I asked Mr Nicks if we needed more
mix in the biscuit mix to make more fixins?
Mr nicks said no I don't think we need more
mix in this biscuit mix because we are (
fixin to really start mixing the mix ) )
because you know when you are fixin to _.(--"("""--.._
mix the mix. You need to mix the mix /, _..-----).._,\
real fast so when you mix the mix fast | `'''-----'''` |
the mix gets bigger so you can make \ /
more fixins. But at this point we are '. .'
only just fixin to make the fixins. jgs '--.....--'
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)
CHILDREN AS PETS-THE CAT YEARS
I just realized that while children are dogs -- loyal and
affectionate -- teenagers are cats.
It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it
around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you
were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when
you call it.
Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old
cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if
wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your
doorsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets
hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long
enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving.
When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate
gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as
if trying to remember where it has seen you before. You, not
realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be
desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant,
sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings.
Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay
and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded
with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet
behave. Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that
worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result.
Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the
counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it
moves away.
Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to
behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let
it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your
affection too. Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm,
comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the
door for it.
One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a
big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get
those dishes for you."
Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
April 27 is National Prime Rib Day and Tell a Story Day
April 28 is International Astronomy Day and Great Poetry Reading Day
April 29 is Greenery Day and National Shrimp Scampi Day
April 30 is Hairstyle Appreciation Day and National Honesty Day
May 1 is May Day, Loyalty Day, Mother Goose Day and Space Day
May 2 is Baby Day and Brothers and Sisters Day
May 3 is Lumpy Rug Day and World Press Freedom Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
\_/
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jgs .-0-.
>Ants
As my husband and I moved some patio stones in the backyard, we
unearthed a nest of ants. Our youngest son was fascinated with the
thousands of ants scurrying madly around.
After watching for a few minutes, he glanced up. "It looks just like
recess."
-<>-
>Body Pick-up
At the hospital where I work, it was the first time I had experienced a
patient death and I was dutifully attending to the details, which
included making the arrangements with a funeral home (with which I
wasn't familiar).
I called directory assistance and was promptly connected to someone who
was clearly confused by my request for a body pick-up. She quickly
transferred me to her manager, who seemed equally perplexed.
By now I was more than a little annoyed, so I snapped, "What kind of
business do you run there, anyway?"
To my horror, the voice on the phone responded politely, "Sir, we make
hamburgers here."
-<>-
>Department of Lowered Expectations
Directory assistance hadn't connected me to McDonald's Chapel of the
Flowers, but rather to the famous fast food restaurant instead. To this
day, whenever I have to call a funeral home, my amused coworkers remind
me not to forget the fries.
During a road trip I stopped in a small town to grab a bite to eat.
I walked into a local pizza place and the first thing I noticed was a
sign on the wall advising:
"Price. Quality. Service. Pick Any Two."
-<>-
>Getting Old
Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their
husbands for a long time.
One day Amy was upset because she thought her husband didn't find her
attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!"
Amy cried.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more
beautiful every day." replied Jamie.
"Yes," answered Amy, "but your husband's an antique dealer!"
-<>-
>Routine Physical
A woman goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with
certain basic items.
"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"One-fifty." she says.
The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out that her weight is 173.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"Five-ten." she says.
The nurse checks and sees that she's only 5' 7 1/2".
She then takes her blood pressure, and it's very high.
The woman explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was
tall and wiry. Now, I'm short and fat!"
=========================================================
>-->To Honor 'Story Day" - Tell Me A story - Tell Me A Story!
>OK, OK! Here are two from one of my favorite authors - just for you...
.__=\__ .__==__,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~YKWmmWmmW@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Ice Fishing By W.B.Cameron
My dad asks me if I'd like to go ice fishing in his shanty with him.
"Why don't we both just crawl into the freezer? It's bigger, warmer,
and there are more fish in there," I suggest.
"Very funny," he says to me. This is what my father has said to me
after every joke I have ever told him. His lips say it; his face never
does.
An ice-fishing shanty is basically a tin outhouse out on a frozen lake,
except that in an outhouse the hole has a purpose. In ice fishing, the
hole is what you stare at for hours, hoping that at some point you'll
break the monotony by falling in.
Outside, the wind whipping the snow around, it feels a hundred degrees
below zero. Inside the ice shanty, protected from the elements, it's
much colder.
People who love to ice fish usually say the same thing all day long:
"Pass the vodka." If they don't like to ice fish, they usually sit
around and tell jokes to my father. At least, that's my experience.
Anyway, my father lives in the part of the United States where they
consider Canadians to be warmer and more stylish. The lake has already
frozen over and is thick enough to support us as we wander out onto
what looks like winter in Kansas without cows at least, we hope it is
thick enough to support us. If it's not, instead of feeding on fish
we'll be doing the opposite.
My father has placed his shanty in a very secret fishing spot on the
ice so secret the fish have never heard of it. "I have a new auger,"
he says to me.
"That augers well," I say gamely. His look says I'll have to improve
the level of my jokes if I expect to win the coveted "very funny" award.
The augur is basically a huge drill bit with a wicked point on one end
and a retired gynecologist at the other. My father's new toy also has a
small engine: He starts it with a few pulls, so that now our ears can
be as miserable as the rest of us.
"Wouldn't it be quieter if you just held the auger steady and I spun
the lake?" I shout at him.
"What?" he shouts back, meaning "yes."
He braces himself, holding on to what looks like bicycle handles on
either side of the motor, and hits the throttle.
With a roar, the point of the drill bit bites down into the ice and
immediately begins spinning my father in circles.
It turns out to be impossible to help a whirling gynecologist when you
are laughing so hard you fall down. I lie helpless on the ice as he
eventually decides to get off the merry-go-round and kills the motor.
Dizzy, he staggers against the metal walls of the shanty and then he,
too, is lying on the ice.
Most men have to spend several hours ice fishing and drinking their
favorite beverage before they fall down, but my father has deployed new
technology.
"Works pretty well," I finally tell him.
"Very funny," he says.
We then discuss the merits of our individual plans of attack. My father
thinks we should both grab the auger. I think we should both buy some
fish.
Once we've fired that baby up and are holding onto it and are being
vibrated by what sounds like a rocket launch inside a steel drum, we
grimly brace ourselves on the ice, which gives us very little purchase
because guess what? it's ice. Chunks of the stuff come out of the
steadily deepening hole as my father and I, gripping each other, circle
like sumo wrestlers. The deeper we go, the faster we seem to be
circling.
Finally, with a gush, we hit black water or rather, the water hits
us, bathing our legs. My father hits the kill switch, and we stand,
panting, our feet soaking and our bodies vibrating. I'm pretty sure I
could throw up if I wanted and maybe even if I didn't.
"You think any fish heard that racket?" my dad asks.
To which I reply, of course: "Very funny."
To write Bruce Cameron, visit his website at www.wbrucecameron.com. To
find out more about Bruce Cameron and read features by other Creators
Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage
at www.creators.com.
-<>-
,-------------------.
( Tried it, loved it! )
munch `-v-----------------'
,---'. --------'
C.^o^| munch
(_,-_)
,--`|-.
|\ ]\__n_
||` '---E/ Ojo98
>A Sad Day for Overeating by B.Cameron
Of all the major-league sports that I follow, probably the one that
asks the most of its elite athletes is competitive eating. That is why
I was stunned and saddened to hear that one of the top face-stuffers in
the world, Takeru Kobayashi, was arrested at this year's international
hot-dog-eating contest on Coney Island.
Takeru reportedly "went berserk" during the contest, reminding all of
us of the time that Mike Tyson became so worked up in a boxing match he
bit both of Evander Holyfield's ears except, of course, in this case
it's hot dogs, not ears. Plus Evander wasn't wearing buns.
Naturally, most of you are well acquainted with the food-overeating
celebrities and their fascinating stories, but for those of you who do
not regularly search the Internet for up-to-date gossip on these
magnificent sports stars, let me take a moment here to fill you in (or
maybe, given the subject, the proper expression would be "fill you up").
When the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE) was
formed in 1997, the record for forcing hot dogs into one's stomach
stood at 25 in 12 minutes. This wasn't exciting enough to attract many
fans, though my Labrador always watched attentively. Then, in 2001,
Takeru Kobayashi managed to cram down 50 hot dogs in the same length of
time, thrilling and inspiring people all over the world.
There was joy in the streets, people dancing, hugging and bingeing.
Major-league eating had arrived, and nothing would ever be the same for
humanity.
Sure, there are competitors. Major League Smoking, as an example, seems
to be catching on, and NASCAR is rumored to be contemplating a national
drunk-driving competition. There were high hopes for the National
Pot-Toking Contest, but nobody was motivated to show up. Still, nothing
has quite captured the world's imagination quite as much as Major-
league eating.
On its Website, the IFOCE claims that major-league eating generates
more than a billion consumer "impressions" a year, and I'm one of them
it's my "impression" that these people are all idiots.
Read The Full Story Here:
http://tinyurl.com/nqz3o6a
Check out the new winner -
Molly Schuyler Vs. Sayler's 72 oz Steak Record - New World Record
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuqPL6X-aCc
-<>-
__..._ _...__
_..-" `Y` "-._
\ Once upon | /
\\ a time..| //
\\\ | ///
\\\ _..---.|.---.._ ///
jgs \\`_..---.Y.---.._`//
'` `'
>-->Ever Wonder About My 'Tell Me A Story' rantings?
My neighbor used to have an old stand alone record player with lots
of old 78 RPM vinyl records in albums to go with it. One of the songs
in it was 'Tell Me A Story'. I was just a young teen but I remember
it well. My sister and I got a big kick out of. So it is with that
song in mind that I rant to you on these special 'story' times.
I finally found it and used it in one of my pages. You can listen
to the funny song here...
For All Mothers And Fathers
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mum.html
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From AFA:
Urgent Call To Prayer
http://www.afa.net/the-stand/bible/its-time-to-pray/
-<>-
>From the Tea Party News:
Why We Love Clint Eastwood
http://stopthisinsanity.cmail1.com/t/d-l-yukhkhd-yutikdiyu-y/
Bruce Jenner Admits Hes a Republican; Tolerant Left Goes Nuts
http://stopthisinsanity.cmail2.com/t/d-l-yukuxk-yutikdiyu-y/
VIDEO: Big Oops! Chinese Army Hand Grenade Fail!
http://stopthisinsanity.cmail2.com/t/d-l-yukuxk-yutikdiyu-i/
VIDEO: What This Muslim Law Student Wore that Caused Her to Fail the
Bar Exam
http://tinyurl.com/oxspqjk
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
We covered a story last month about a baby in China who was
born with an undeveloped twin inside its body. Can you
imagine what it would be like if you grew up like that? Never
knowing you had a twin INSIDE of you? This woman can.
Los Angeles surgeons working to remove a tumor from an Indiana
woman's brain said the growth turned out to be the patient's
embryonic twin.
Yamini Karanam, 26, a Ph.D. student at Indiana University,
said she underwent surgery at the Skull Base Institute after
problems she started having with reading and listening
comprehension were determined to be the result of a tumor in
her brain.
Karanam said she was shocked when she woke up after the surgery
and Dr. Hrayr Shahinian's team revealed the tumor to be an
embryonic twin with bone, hair and teeth. Shahinian said such
a tumor, or "teratoma," is rare to find in modern medicine.
"This is my second one, and I've probably taken out 7,000 or
8,000 brain tumors," Shahinian said.
Shahinian removed the tumor using fully endoscopic resection,
a minimally invasive brain surgery.
Karanam said she now refers to the tumor as an "evil twin
sister who's been torturing me for the past 26 years."
Shahinian said the tumor was not cancerous and Karanam is
expected to make a full recovery.
*-- Pregnant Popeye's worker says she was fired for not replacing
stolen cash --*
CHANNELVIEW, Texas (UPI) - A pregnant Texas woman said she
was fired from a Popeye's eatery for refusing to repay
about $400 stolen when she was robbed at gunpoint. Marissa
Holcomb, a former shift manager at the Channelview eatery,
said about $400 was taken in the March 31 armed robbery,
which was recorded by security cameras, and the manager
of the Popeye's location told her she would be fired if
she didn't replace the stolen money. "I told them I'm not
paying nothing," Holcomb told KHOU-TV. "I just had a gun
to me. I'm not paying the money." Holcomb, who is pregnant
with her fourth child, said she was fired less than 36
hours after the robbery. "I don't think it's right because
now I'm struggling for my family because what I had to do
to keep my life," she said. A representative from the
human resources department of franchise owner Z&H Foods
Inc., the third-largest franchisee in the Popeye's chain,
said Holcomb was fired for violating company policy by
leaving too much money in the register. The representative
said the incident wasn't Holcomb's first offense. The
representative said the company was not aware of Holcomb
being offered the chance to keep her job by repaying the
money. Holcomb said the money hadn't been deposited into
the store's safe because an offer for a $1.19 2-piece
chicken meal had the store busier than usual. "They got
what they got because that's what we made within one
hour," she said. Holcomb said she is worried she won't be
able to find another job. "I mean who's gonna call me? I'm
5 months pregnant," she said. "The fact that I got robbed
at gunpoint and it's like nobody cares."
*-- Florida man hospitalized after attempt to kiss venomous snake --*
WIMAUMA, Fla. (UPI) - A Florida man is recovering from a
cottonmouth snake bite to his lip after he allegedly tried
to smooch the serpent on the mouth. Hillsborough County
sheriff's deputies said Austin Hatfield, 18, captured the
4-foot cottonmouth, also known as a water moccasin, while
swimming last week and kept it in a pillowcase at his
girlfriend's house, where he was bitten on the lip. Friends
told investigators Hatfield was trying to kiss the snake
when it struck him. Hatfield was initially hospitalized in
critical condition, but his status was upgraded to good
condition and officials said he is expected to make a full
recovery. Investigators said Hatfield did not possess the
proper permits required by the state to catch and keep
cottonmouth snakes. The Florida Fish and Wildlife
Conservation Commission said it is investigating the
incident.
---
...I think his girlfriend should run, not walk to the
nearest exit from her relationship with this man!
*-- Woman eats 13.5 pounds of steak -- plus sides -- in under 20
minutes --*
AMARILLO, Texas (UPI) - A California woman broke her own
world record by eating three steak dinners -- 13.5 pounds
of steak plus sides -- in less than 20 minutes at a Texas
event. Competitive eater Molly Schuyler, a 124-pound
mother of four, downed three 72-ounce steak dinners, which
each came with a baked potato, a shrimp cocktail and a
side salad, to take the top spot Sunday at the The Big
Texan Steak Ranch's Big Texas Steak Challenge in Amarillo.
Schuyler downed two of the meals in less than 15 minutes
last year, so the restaurant gathered four teams of two
people to face off against Schuyler, who ate solo. Schuyler
came in first, with a finish of less than 20 minutes.
"They would have had to eat their half in like four
minutes," Schuyler told the Amarillo Globe-News of her
competitors. "If you're not used to doing this, four
minutes is hard." The eatery said Schuyler set a world
record last year when she finished her first steak dinner
in 4 minutes, 58 seconds, and she broke her own record
Sunday by finishing off her first meal in 4 minutes, 18
seconds. "I come in thinking I'm going to fail, but you
know if I win it's a lovely parting gift and that's cool.
I also get free steak so I don't really lose," she told
KFDA-TV. Organizers of the competition said Schuyler's
feat will be submitted to Guinness World Records.
*-- Earthworms rain down on Norway, scientists puzzled --*
BERGEN, Norway (UPI) - Cats and dogs have nothing on this
one. Thousands of earthworms rained down on parts of
Norway, leaving scientist baffled by the appearance of
the slimy invertebrates on snow-covered grounds. Biology
teacher Karstein Erstad made the discovery as he was
skiing in the mountains outside the coastal city of
Bergen. At first he thought they crawled atop the snow
from the ground beneath, but then realized the snow was
too deep. "When I found them on the snow they seemed to
be dead, but when I put them in my hand I found that they
were alive," he said. "In many places, the snow thickness
was between half a meter and a meter (1 1/2 feet to 3
feet) and I think they would have problems crawling through
the cold snow." Erstad took a sample to Trond Haraldsen,
an environmental expert at the Bioforsk research institute
in Norway. "This is a phenomenon we know from the
literature, but it is the first time in my time as a
scientist that I have got the message that it has happened
on the snow, "Haralsen told the Bergens Tidende. Since the
incident, reports have come in from other areas of the
country as far away as the Swedish border. Experts suggest
the worms may have been lifted into the air by a weather
system and blown miles from their original location.
---
...Reminds me of our page here...
Weird Rainy Days!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday.html
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
..::''''::..
.:::. .;'' ``;.
.... ::::: :: :: :: ::
,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: ::
::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. ::
'''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : ::
,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' ::
`:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;'
``::,,,,::''
>Smiles
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl
approaches the boy and says, "
Hey Tommy, wanna play house?"
He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl replies, "I want you to communicate," and he says to her,
"that word is too big. I have no idea what it means."
The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
--------
It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just
waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the
table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my
porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks
into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?"
he roars.
Mommy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
screams, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through
this? I haven't made the porridge yet!!"
--------
When my youngest daughter was three, she begged to be allowed to attend
a concert with her older sister and brother. She assured me she was a
big girl and would behave herself.
As we took our seats in the orchestra hall, I handed programs to the
kids. Following the lead of her older siblings, my three-year-old
opened her program, and in her most grown-up voice said, "Mommy, I'll
have the chicken, please."
--------
A very drunken man gets on a city bus late one night, staggers up the
aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you - You're
going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Good heavens, I'm on the
wrong bus!"
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Melody :)
_*_ ....iiooiioo
__/_|_\__
[(o)_R_(o)] fe
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an
experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some
people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on
a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off
the corner, people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off
that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave,
casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his
partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this
is a bus stop!"
---
...LOL! Thanks Melody!
=====================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
___ _____
.'/,-Y" "~-.
l.Y ^.
/\ _\_ "Doh!"
i ___/" "\
| /" "\ o !
l ] o !__./
\ _ _ \.___./ "~\
X \/ \ ___./
( \ ___. _..--~~" ~`-.
` Z,-- / \
\__. ( / ______)
\ l /-----~~" /
Y \ /
| "x______.^
| \ -Row
j Y
->Homer<-
>Blonde Men!
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife
shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to
do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
*------------------------------*
A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm
enough to me."
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it
out of the bowl yet."
*-------------------------------*
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out
how to pick it up.
*-------------------------------*
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone,
My wife is pregnant and her contractions are
only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
*-------------------------------*
A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a
skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a
tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop
about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener
swinging about!"
*-------------------------------*
A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is
frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad
in the paper?"*
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still
missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.*
*-------------------------------*
A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his
cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the
guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I
couldn't breathe."
*-------------------------------*
(This one actually makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do
scuba divers always fall backwards off their
boats?"
*To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell
forward, they'd still be in the boat."
*-------------------------------*
*A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on
a Friday this year."
*The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not
the 13th."
*--------------------------------*
Two blonde men find three grenades, and they
decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get
there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only
found two."
*---------------------------------*
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and
said: "Close your curtains the next time you and
your wife are having s^x. The whole street was
watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the
joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at
home yesterday ."
---
...LOL! Good ones! Thanks PatDeE!
=====================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
,--. ,--.
( O ) ( O )
`--' \ `--'
\ _
>-. / /|
`-.__.'
Krogg
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended
a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at
least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking
the news to the older child. It went like this:
"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love
you so much we decided to bring another child into this
family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband
came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I
decided to bring home another wife.'"
One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"
-<>-
While the soldiers stood at attention during a parade, a
private waved to someone in the audience. "Jones, never do
that again!" the drill instructor whispered. But a few
minutes later, the soldier waved a second time.
Back in the barracks after the parade, the DI stormed in and
barked for Jones to come front and center. "Son, you knew I
was going to see you," he screamed. "You knew it was wrong.
Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Yes, sergeant!" said Jones. "But you don't know my mother!"
-<>-
A young couple planned a romantic trip to Bermuda to cele-
brate their fifth anniversary. When asked by her mother if
she was excited about her forthcoming anniversary, the wife
answered, "But Mom, it's our fifth coming!"
-<>-
We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our
Comparative Religions course. Our instructor told us about a
woman who contacted police working on a missing-persons
case. "She gave eerily detailed instructions on where to
find the body," the teacher said.
"In fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had
described. Now what would you call that kind of person?"
While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's
officer taking the course raised his hand and replied,
"A suspect."
-<>-
One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South
Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook
behind the counter looked kind of harassed.
After I gave him my order, he asked me how I wanted my eggs.
Not wanting to burden him further, I said cheerfully, "Oh,
whatever is easiest for you." With that, he took two eggs,
cracked them open onto my plate and handed it back to me.
-<>-
"What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are
always late?" complained an irate passenger to the railroad
engineer.
"How would we know the trains were late, if we didn't have a
schedule?" replied the engineer.
-<>-
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's
young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it
on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April day Dad was wheeling the tree out into the
yard, and stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden
hose. A neighbor watched the scene with amusement. "Frank,"
he finally commented, "you're the only man I know who walks
his tree and waters his dog!"
=======================================================
_____
/ \/_
//\__(\_\
|\ ^ ^ |
.//_O \O_ \
\_ (_) /
\ \_/ /
__/\ /\__
/ \ \ / / \
/ \/\/\/ \
/ | . | \
/ | . | \ JRO
>-->Notes To A Sick Wife:
(Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a
well meaning husband who has inherited the house and kids.)
Monday A.M. Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control.
Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned.
Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-
sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six.
Tuesday A.M. Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the frig.
Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the
Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might call you about
this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to-
door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator.
Hope you like leftover chili.
Wednesday A.M. Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is
sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If
you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot
for Chris's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper,
garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the
school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold
pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late
tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house.
Thursday A.M. Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It
crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight.
Please pencil in answers to following:
1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal?
2. How do you turn off the milkman?
3. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots?
4. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm
of a small boy's hand?
5. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at
you when you open the door?
I don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me!
Friday A.M. Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am
trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take
heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house
cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother. have
a great day.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Jellyfish Lake!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jellyfish.html
Hiking In China!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html
Mountain Biking!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountainbiking.html
Oregon Aquarium!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oregon.html
Real Fantasy Trees!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees.html
Peek-A-Boo Panda!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/panda.html
Crop Circle Mystery!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery.html
Undersea Restaurant!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html
Koalas In A Heatwave!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html
Chinese Olympic Cuisine!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/olympic.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
Almost every discussion of foreign policy has something to do with
what's happening in the Middle East right now. But I'm always surprised
by how little some people know about what's actually going on. This
video does a great job at breaking down the situation in simple
language.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQMpcSQIvOk&feature=player_embedded
Some of these (like the bacon one) I've known about forever. But a few
were new to me! How many of these cool microwave tricks have you heard
of before?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTGfXhSwvMk&feature=player_embedded
This baby isn't even old enough to crawl, but he's old enough to cut a
rug! I must have watched this video 20 times at least. It's that cute!
Check out the newest dancing baby sensation to take over the Internet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ctchcuX60s&feature=player_embedded
---
...Cool! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
Hard to believe! Just think that this was the way it was.....
WW II Facts and Aircraft
Weve all seen these stats before but a refresher is always in order.
I thought that you would like these interesting pictures and statistics
Horrific stat: US lost average of 170 aircraft a day!!
http://pippaettore.com/Horrific_WWII_Statistics.html
---
...Amazing! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Fran :)
GoPro: Hovercraft Deer Rescue - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/embed/cgnceHH_p_I#aid=P9VMVUJKfvA
---
...Love it! Thanks Fran!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"There probably aren't many Jewish girls dancing at Radio
City Music Hall, but it doesn't take a Rockette Zionist to
figure that one out." --Gary Hallock
"A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is
one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conver-
sationalist is one who talks to you about yourself."
--Lisa Kirk
"I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the
intelligence. They got one marked 'brightness' but it doesn't
work." --Gallagher
"Programming today is a race between software engineers
striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs,
and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning." -Rich Cook
"Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire, beer kills
brain cells. Now let's go back to that building... thingy...
where our beds and TV... is." --Homer J. Simpson
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I
could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when
I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd
learned in seven years." -Mark Twain
"The biggest thrill a ballplayer can have is when your son
takes after you. That happened when my Bobby was in his
championship Little League game. He really showed me
something. Struck out three times and made an error that
lost the game. Parents were throwing things at our car
and swearing at us as we drove off. Gosh, I was proud."
--Bob Uecker
"Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves
to get it." --Don Herold
"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't -
you're right." --Henry Ford
"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce."
-Mark Twain
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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