Supplies, Eponyms, Cheerios And More ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
================
>-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This too hot to handle one comes from our friends Linda
and Bunni. It is one animal lovers will find delightful!
Check it out here...
..-"""--.
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jgs \ / \ /
'----' '----'
Animal Friends 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends2.html
---
...Awww, So Adorable! Thank You Linda and Bunni!
=================================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone: I Want To Be A Lawyer
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called
his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is the express
degree you told me about?"
"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why
do you want to become a lawyer?"
"That's my business! Get me the course!"
Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at
his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.
Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was
clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned
over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted
to get a law degree .--. .-, .-..-.__
so badly before .'(`.-` \_.-'-./` |\_( "\__
you died?" __.>\ '; _;---,._| / __/`'--)
/.--. : |/' _.--.<| / | |
_..-' `\ /' /` /_/ _/_/
>_.-``-. `Y /' _;---.`|/))))
'` .-''. \|: \.' __, .-'"`
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In a faint /.'`\ :; /' `- `-|-`
whisper, as -` | | |
he breathed :.; : | .-'~^~`-.
his last, |: | .' _ _ `.
the old man said, |:. | | |_) | |_) |
"One less lawyer..." :. : | | | \ | | |
.jgs. : ; | |
-."-/\\\/:::. `\."-._'."-"_\\-| |///."-
" -."-.\\"-."//.-".`-."_\\-.".-\\`=.........=`//-".
_ _
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_)
(_.===============================================._)
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus's mother's
name?"
One child answered "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus's father's name was?"
A little kid said "The Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about The
Verge 'n' Mary."
=================================================================
+----------------- Bizarre Test Answers ------------------+
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 Decibels
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to
do what she did. Other women have become scientists since
her, but they didn't get to find radios because they were
already taken.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the
apple.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife
was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the
animals come onto in pears.
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed
to get the tombstone off the entrance.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot
clipper.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "caesarian section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels, and you get
intercontinental.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.
The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery."
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
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< ,wWWWWwwWWWWw, >
< WW( 0 )( 0 )WW >
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>CraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccK
* I woke up,
I lifted my arms,
I moved my knees,
I turned my neck....
Everything made the same noise:
'CrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaccccK!'
Sooo...
....I came to a conclusion:
I am not getting old,
I am just crispy!!!
---
...LOL! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
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>I love this Doctor!(glad)
Now here is a doctor who knows what he is talking about...
I love this Doctor!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste
on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not
make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving
faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of
goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In
fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad
for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You
should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It
best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what
a ride!!"
AND...
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all
those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans..
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
---
...TaaDah! HaHa! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
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`-""-'
>Seamus & bessie...
An Irish farmer named Seamus had an accident with a lorry, and was
suing the lorry company.
In court their hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus..
Solicitor
'Now didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident,
'I'm fine?'.
Seamus
'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite
cow, Bessie, into the...'
Solicitor
'I didn't ask for any details, Just answer the question. Did you not
tell the police officer, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'
Seamus
'Well, I had just got Bessie into the sidecar and I was driving down
the road....'
The solicitor interrupted again and said,
'Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of
the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine.
Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I
believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and
said to the solicitor:
'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie'.
Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded.
'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into
the sidecar and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and
trailer came through a stop sign and hit me right in the side. I was
thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt
very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old
Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by
her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike
turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to
her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun
and shot her between the eyes.
Then the policeman came charging across the road, gun still in hand,
looked me up and down, and said, 'How badly are you hurt?'
'Now what the frick would you have said'?
---
...Yeah! LOL! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
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jgs |;\__.'
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>Talking Dog For Sale
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign
in front of a broken down shanty-style house:
'Talking Dog For Sale '
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the
backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says
'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting
in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog
would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for
eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I
knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed
up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering
near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some
incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married,
had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed.
He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?'
'Because he's just a big liar. He's never been out of this yard!'
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Linda!
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jgs / /;:;:;:;:;\_/:;:;:;:;:\ \ .' '-.__.-' `-.
Here's him with his owner from Linda...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw
---
...LMAO! Thank You Linda!
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
_____
(^ __ <)
^^ |@|| <<)
( ./|"|\. <<)
||| ( \|#|/| <<<)
\'''-/ ( ^1 / "/ <<<<)
\__/ o (1^% <<<<<<)
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o |----------|
`\ | [:I] (@) | modified by Matthew Holland
`\|----------| (mh869@pgstmail.pg.cc.md.us)
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jgs ""
>Thanks...
As we progress through the year 2011, I want to thank all of you for
your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up
now and have little chance of recovery. I no longer open a bathroom
door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices
in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the
last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what
has happened on it since it was last washed. I have trouble shaking
hands with someone who has been driving because the number-one pastime
while driving alone is picking one's nose. Eating a little snack sends
me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans
fats I have consumed over the years. I can't touch any woman's purse
for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom. I MUST
SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing. ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of
every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings
because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for
the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money, but that will change
once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no
longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish. I can't
have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice
with my kidneys gone. I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers. I
can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day. THANKS TO YOU, I have learned that my
prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends
and make a wish within five minutes. BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no
longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no
longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a
serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no
longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven
different types of cancer. AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil
a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my
face, disfiguring me for life. I no longer go to the movies because I
could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down. I
no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because
someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill
with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,Singapore, and Uzbekistan ...THANKS TO
YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine, because a big black snake
could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it
bites my butt. AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a
coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by
a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over. I can't do any
gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and
my hand will fall off. If you don't send this e-mail to at least
144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will
land on your head at 5:00 p.m.tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from
120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I
know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best
friend's beautician . .Oh, by the way.....A German scientist from
Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the
mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late! P.S. I now keep
my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that
water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet. NOW, YOU ALL HAVE
YOURSELVES A VERY GOOD DAY.......... AND A HEALTHY, HAPPY LONG LIFE!
---
...TeeHee! My Oh My! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
_..._
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`===='
>Idiots -
Number One Idiot
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention
that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the
ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room
right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and wrote this, “Put all your muny in this bag.”;
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells
Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy ... But you still get a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
“Because I don't believe you are over 21.”;
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet
and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, “Nobody move!”;
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, here's your sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Eight
I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative
office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't
think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”;
Take the sign - Please!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stay Alert!
They walk among us ... they Reproduce ... they Vote
and I'm sure that many of them hold elected office
(at least until November)!!!
---
...LMAO! Great Classic! Thanks PatDeE!
=================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[Politics]
>From Our Friend EdLaF :)
ACORN Officials Scramble, Firing Workers And Shredding Documents,
After Exposed As Players Behind Occupy Wall Street Protests | Fox News
http://tinyurl.com/3o4rjg2
Moveon and Occupy need to Move on EXPOSED! - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RabCAUl73zc&feature=relmfu
Ryan Dunn and Occupy Dallas both Jackasses and EXPOSED! - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KAi83th2m4&feature=relmfu
The Truth EXPOSED pt1 - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiPb5inXCpc&feature=relmfu
The Truth EXPOSED pt2 - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzpIWqRR71k&feature=uploademail
---
...Most Interesting! Thanks EdLaF!
-<>-
>From HumanEvents:
President Obama Indicted
http://content.eaglepub.com/?ldPi.h5p1NRjyRNBYEq1U5VdaHhsuSgRl
-<>-
>From PatriotNews:
Beck Predicts Obama Win in 2012
http://tinyurl.com/7rsnpoa
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Here is an appropriate story for right after Thanksgiving. Researchers
in Chicago have determined that more and more people are not getting
the full dosages of drugs from intramuscular injections. The culprit?
Not stingy pharmaceutical companies or medical personnel shorting
dosages. The culprit is fat. Fat asses, to be more specific.
According to the study, fatter rear ends are causing many drug
injections to miss their mark, requiring longer needles to reach
buttock muscle. Standard-sized needles failed to reach the buttock
muscle in 23 out of 25 women whose rears were examined after what was
supposed to be an intramuscular injection of a drug.
The buttocks are a good place for intramuscular injections because
there are relatively few major blood vessels, nerves and bones that can
be damaged by a needle. Plentiful smaller blood vessels found in muscle
carry the drug to the rest of the body, while fat tissue contains
relatively few blood vessels.
Besides patients receiving less than the correct drug dosage,
medications that remain lodged in fat can cause infection or irritation.
So the solution? Longer needles! That's exactly what you want to hear
when you go in for your flu shot. "Whoa! Nurse, will you please bring
me the 'fatass' needle? Thank you!"
*-- Police send loaded rifle through mail --*
ORNSKOLDSVIK, Sweden - Swedish police said personnel will receive
further training after a loaded rifle was sent to a forensic lab
through the mail. Ornskoldsvik police said the rifle was apparently not
examined closely enough before it was sent to the Swedish National
Laboratory of Forensic Science in Linkoping, Swedish news agency TT
reported Tuesday. "These things happen now and again, unfortunately,"
said Tore Olsson of the Swedish National Laboratory of Forensic
Science. Officer Dick Danielsson at the Ornskoldsvik station said the
incident was reported to the Work Environment Authority and all
personnel will receive further training. He said a committee has been
assembled to review weapon handling procedures. "It was lucky that
nothing happened and we are treating it as a very serious matter that
the weapon was sent off without anyone checking if it was loaded,"
Danielsson said.
*-- Burglar left himself logged into Facebook --*
NORCROSS, Ga. - Police in Georgia said they were searching for a
burglary suspect who allegedly left himself logged into Facebook on his
victim's computer. Gwinnett County police allege Trevor Jones, 34, left
his car running in the driveway of a home he burglarized near Norcross
Nov. 15, and homeowner Stephanie White returned while he was still
inside and took his keys and wallet, which contained his
identification, from the vehicle, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
reported Tuesday. White drove to the end of the street and saw Jones
flee with items from her home, police said. Investigators allege Jones
broke into a second home in the neighborhood later in the day and left
himself logged into Facebook on the victim's computer. White's digital
camera was discovered in the second victim's home, police said. Jones,
who was on parole for a previous burglary charge, was being sought on
charges of burglary, criminal trespassing and parole violation.
*-- Carjackers foiled by stick shift --*
VALLEJO, Calif. - Police in California said three would-be carjackers
were foiled because the vehicle they targeted had a manual
transmission. Vallejo police said the men, at least two of them armed
with handguns, approached a man in front of his home around 7:10 p.m.
Saturday while he was unloading groceries from his car, the Vallejo
Times-Herald reported Monday. Police said the attackers, each around 20
years old, forced the man to the ground and took the keys to his car,
then fled after discovering they were unable to operate the stick shift.
*-- Man charged for carrying rubber ax --*
AKRON, Ohio - A lawyer for an Ohio man arrested for trying to sell a
realistic rubber ax covered in fake blood at a bar said his client does
not understand the arrest. Ed Sawan, defense attorney for Bill Morrison
of Akron, said his client was arrested on a charge of inducing panic
Oct. 16 and spent a night in jail when a woman called 911 and reported
he was carrying a bloody ax outside Corky's Thomastown bar, the Akron
Beacon Journal reported Monday. Morrison said he was carrying the ax,
which turned out to be made from rubber and covered in fake blood,
because he was planning to sell it to a friend who had not yet arrived
at the bar. Sawan said the "charges appear to be unfounded." "He's
unsure why he was arrested," Sawan said. "He didn't understand the need
for him to be arrested, charged and incarcerated." "It's an odd sort of
case," Akron City Prosecutor Doug Powley said. "But we're going to look
at all the circumstances and see how strong a case it is and try to
reach an appropriate outcome for everyone." Morrison is due in court
Jan. 23. He could face a possible six months in jail if convicted of
inducing panic.
=================================================================
>-->From our Friend Wesley :)
.-. __ _ .-.
| ` / \ |
/ '.()--\
| '._/
_| O _ O |_
=\ '-' /=
'-._____.-'
/`/\___/\`\
/\/o o\/\
(_| |_)
jgs |____,____|
(____|____)
>aLabaMA
One day my housework-challenged wife decided to wash her sweatshirt.
Seconds after she stepped into the laundry room,she shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied."What does it say on your shirt?"
She yelled back, "University of Alabama."
---
...HaHa! Thanks Wesley!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
&
.-"`"-.
/ \
| __ _|
| / \/ \
WW \_o/_o/
( _)
| .----\
; | '----'
\__'--;`
jgs |___/\|
>THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS
'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when
you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained!
'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down
together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put
on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going
to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part
about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my
childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never
set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or
had a credit card.
In their later years they had something called a revolving charge
card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was
Sears & Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe
he died.
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly
because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed
probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19. It was, of
course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight,
after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back
on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced
news and farm show on, featuring local people.
I was 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid
off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that,
too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was
in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial,
you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't
already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered
newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It
cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get
up at 6 AM every morning.
On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His
favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him
to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who
seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the
movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were
responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity
or violence or most anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may
want to share some of these memories with your children or
grandchildren Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend :
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December)
and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top
was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it
was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make
it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the
end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't
have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
_
.'`_:--"""'.
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Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember,
not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with table side juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P. F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and
were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were
only 3 channels... [if you were fortunate])
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S & H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packard's
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the
best parts of my life.
Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends.
---
...Awww, the memories! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
_
_[_]_
.'_ _'.
/ _ _ \
||/ \ / \||
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(`'-'_'-'`)
|\\ (_) //|
jgs / /\\___//\ \
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>Tips - YOUR DOG'S TEETH - Tooth Care Without a Scary Brush
by Helen Fazio, Travel Dog Blogger, www.traveldogbooks.com
If your dog doesn't like plastic pet toothbrushes and if "finger
brushes" make her gag, you might have more luck using a simple,
thin cotton glove. Place toothpaste on your gloved index finger and
gently massage your pet's teeth and gums. Most dogs find this sensation
pleasurable and relaxing. The glove is analogous to your finger, which
your dog presumably trusts, and not hard, inflexible, or rubbery. Wash
your hand in the glove and hang the glove to dry for next time.
---
...Great tip! Thanks Bunni!
===============================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
Charter Flight
This lady called to make reservations on a small charter plane. She
knew she would be flying in a very small plane, so she wasn't surprised
when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and
passengers."
Then he asked, "How much do you weigh, Ma'am?"
Not thinking clearly, she answered, "With or without clothes?"
"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"
-<>-
_ __________ _,
_.-(_)._ ." ". .--""--. _.-{__}-._
.'________'. | .--------. | .' '. .:-'`____`'-:.
[____________] /` |________| `\ / .'``'. \ /_.-"`_ _`"-._\
/ / .\/. \ \| / / .\/. \ \ || .'/.\/.\'. | /` / .\/. \ `\
| \__/\__/ |\_/ \__/\__/ \_/| : |_/\_| ; | | \__/\__/ |
\ / \ / \ '.\ /.' / .-\ /-.
/'._ -- _.'\ /'._ -- _.'\ /'. `'--'` .'\/ '._-.__--__.-_.' \
/_ `""""` _\/_ `""""` _\ /_ `-./\.-' _\'. `""""""""` .'`\
(__/ '| \ _)_| |_)_/ \__)| ' | |
|_____'|_____| \__________/ | |;`_________'________`;-'
jgs'----------' '----------' '--------------'`--------------------`
S T A N K Y L E K E N N Y C A R T M A N
>Construction Site
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney
construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy,
"You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you
guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the
pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you
tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he
disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I
couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge
of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."
The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the
Chinese guy.
He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.
A
_,-' `-._
_-'_________`-_
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|\ | /| 8
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Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of
sand and yells... "Supplies!!"
-<>-
>J. C. Penney
A man is standing on a street corner, waiting for a bus, when a
young man walks by. The man says, "I like your shirt!
Where did you get it?" The young man replies, "J. C. Penney."
A few moments later, another teenager runs by. The man says,
"Those are really cool shoes! Where did you get them?" The teen
replies, "J. C. Penney."
Just minutes later, another strolls by. The man says, "Those are
awesome shoes, and I like your hat. Where did you get them?" The
boy replies, "J. C. Penney."
The man is very curious by now. But then, a teen runs by in
nothing but underwear. The man is taken by surprise and questions,
"What happened to you?"
The guy replies, "I'M J. C. PENNEY!!!"
============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_.._
/ a\__,
\ -.___/
\ \
(\____) \
|\_( ))
_____| (_ /________
_\____(______/__
gnv ______
Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots -- outdoor gear of all kinds was piled
high in the garage. One day I found my wife staring at the mess. "I
hope I die first, so I don't have to get rid of all this," she sighed.
"Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go first, you can put an
ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check out the stuff, you
can pick out a replacement for me."
Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. Whoever would want all this
stuff wouldn't be my type."
-<>-
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the
traditional feast.
Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She
told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed
the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,and inserted it into the turkey,
and re-stuffed the turkey.
She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time for
dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to
remove the stuffing.
When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the
little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia,
you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news,
my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
-<>-
`,
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/__/\ \____ \(__
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|/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\
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'-' |\/ b'ger
Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, "How come
you aren't married?"
John: "I haven't found the right woman yet."
George: "So what are you looking for?"
John: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house keeper,
she's got to know how to handle money, have a nice and pleasant
personality -- and money, she's got to have money, and a nice big house
wouldn't hurt either."
George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!"
John: "Oh, it's okay, if she is crazy."
-<>-
On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several
historical points of interest. The children were especially interested
because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives
players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at
the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the
dirt.
Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter
nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die."
-<>-
I went out with some friends last night and had a couple too many
drinks. Knowing that I was over the limit, I did something that I have
never done before.
I took a bus home.
I arrived home safe and sound, which seemed really surprising as I have
never driven a bus before.
-<>-
_________
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`| WVE230L |__;_...--'": : \ // |---""" \__\_/
"""""""""' \ \ \_.// /
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`--`---' dp
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I
left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time
so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the
car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas
guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed
out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed
to be pushed at least 20mph for it to start.
She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.
I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.
A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at
me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer
with my directions...
===============================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
. .
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>Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy
To go outside, and there perchance to stay
Or to remain within: that is the question:
Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer
The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
That Nature rains on those who roam abroad,
Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet,
And so by dozing melt the solid hours
That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time
And stall the dinner bell.
To sit, to stare Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state
A wish to venture forth without delay,
Then when the portal's opened up, to stand
As if transfixed by doubt.
To prowl; to sleep;
To choose not knowing when we may once more
Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball;
For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob,
Or work a lock or slip a window-catch,
And going out and coming in were made
As simple as the breaking of a bowl,
What cat would bear the household's petty plagues,
The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom,
The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears,
The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks
That fur is heir to, when, of his own free will,
He might his exodus or entrance make
With a mere mitten?
Who would spaniels fear,
Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,
But that the dread of our unheeded cries
And scratches at a barricaded door
No claw can open up, dispels our nerve
And makes us rather bear our humans' faults
Than run away to unguessed miseries?
Thus caution doth make house cats of us all;
And thus the bristling hair of resolution
Is softened up with the pale brush of thought,
And since our choices hinge on weighty things,
We pause upon the threshold of decision.
-shakespaw
-<>-
_"_ %
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>Supermodel Wisdom
ON COURAGE
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I
thought, Oh my, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates
herself from behind." -- Cindy Crawford
ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE
"Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not
my cleavage." -- Carole Mallory
ON POVERTY
"Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery."
-- Beverly Johnson
ON FATE
"I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face
that." -- Christie Brinkley
ON PSYCHOLOGY
"I loved making 'Rising Sun'. I got into the psychology of why she
liked to get strangled and tied up in plastic bags. It has to do
with low self-worth." -- Tatjana Patitz
ON ARRIVING
"Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more
particular about the acting roles I take."
-- Kathy Ireland, star of 'Alien From L.A.' and 'Danger Island'
ON INNER STRENGTH
"I love the confidence that makeup gives me."
-- Tyra Banks
ON DEATH
"Richard doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't
help it." -- Cindy Crawford
ON INTRODUCTIONS
"I think most people are curious about what it would be like to be
able to meet yourself -- it's eerie."
-- Christy Turlington
ON COURTSHIP
"The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music
that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me
when women are nearby."
-- Fabio
ON THE GRIEF PROCESS
"When my Azzedine jacket from 1987 died, I wrapped it up in a box,
attached a note saying where it came from and took it to the
Salvation Army. It was a big loss."
-- Veronica Webb
ON TRAGEDY
"The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles -- but I had on
thick tights underneath."
-- Naomi Campbell
-<>-
What is an Eponyms you may wonder? No, I didn't make this one up,
eponyms are words we use in everyday life that are based on peoples
names, like:
Bobbies - Sir Robert(Bobby) Peel, a British politician in 1850
organized a police force in England called bobbies.
Braille - Named for Louis Braille of France, who invented it to
teach his blind students.
Cardigan - No joke! This type of sweater was first worn by none
other than the Earl of Cardigan, in Great Britain.
Derby - A stiff felt hat favored today by rappers is credited to
Edward Stanley, twelfth Earl of Derby.
Guillotine - Marie Antionette's favourite little toy came to be in
1789, by Dr.Joseph Guillotin of France.
Leotards - In the 1800's a french gymnast, Julius Leotard,
designed these little beauties.
---
...Wow - 1000's of them! Here is an A-Z listing of some:
http://users.tinyonline.co.uk/gswithenbank/eponyms.htm
-<>-
>Morning Exercise
I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning.
That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze
button so many times
-<>-
.--.
, , ) .-----._ ___
< /) | | ||==||
_(())\) | | /|==|| __
.-' (()/ '-. :_____:/ |"_|/) /|
_/ () \ / .-------. __.' / |
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:~ \_ ) _/ _/ /__________________/ |
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>"Words of Wisdom"
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?", it's always a negative
one.
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
Pain and suffering are inevitable but misery is optional.
-<>-
>Violinists
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the
piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which
the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit
around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided
to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick
one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of
them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist, "I thought we
might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of
the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a
few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall
and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a
member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit
edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's
the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists
are loaded."
-<>-
I Want My Cheerios!
\`. |\
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/`-._`=|=___=========,'^, c-)
\`-----+' ._)=====_(_`-' ^-'`-.
-----`=====, \ `.-==(^_ ^c_,.^ `^_\-----
(__/`--'('(_,-._)-._,-.,__)`) hjw
`-._`._______.'_.-'
`---------'
>Cheerios
Ever wonder how many cheerios are in a box?
Someone did...
http://www.cockeyed.com/inside/cheerios/cheerios.html
==========================================================
>-->MORE FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Freaky Art Vans
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html
Playing with Food 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html
Best Playmate
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/playmate.html
Amazing Horse Trainer
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsetrainer.html
Endangered Wolf
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolf.html
Jobs That Suck!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html
Redneck Christmas Tree
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneck.html
Right Angle Photography
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto.html
Beaches In India
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beaches.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
She sent us one we have here...
Margaret The Giraffe
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giraffe.html
---
...Sweet reminder! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Sharon :)
OH MY! Apparently it is a 12 to 16 hour wait to empty!
The Poop Trucks Of Dubai
http://bitsandpieces.us/2011/11/09/the-poop-trucks-of-dubai/
---
...Argh! Thanks Sharon!
Silly kitty afraid of remote mouse
http://tinyurl.com/8y3mnym
Biscuit the rock climbing dog
http://www.dump.com/2011/07/20/biscuit-the-rock-climbing-dog-video/
---
...Awww, Thanks Sharon!
Apple Pickin' Time...
This is a good one for eye hand co-ordination. Have Fun.
There are 100 apples to catch in the basket.
Can you get 50% in the pail?
THIS ONE WILL DRIVE YOU NUTS!!
Let's go, it's Apple pickin' time!
http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g2/applegame.htm
---
...Cool! Thanks Sharon!
-<>-
>From Our Net-Guru Friend Wesley :)
ripped : clock - francis lam
http://goo.gl/6f9VC
ripped : biodigital human
http://goo.gl/4B5xl
ripped : privacy monitor
http://goo.gl/So5MS
---
...We could all use a pair of these! TeeHee! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Copperfield Hans Betsy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/12w3.htm
Costa Rica Vacation
http://www.buffaloschips.com/12qa.htm
Cowboy
http://www.buffaloschips.com/12we.htm
Crabz
http://www.buffaloschips.com/12ere.htm
Cyril takaya Matrix
http://www.buffaloschips.com/12sd.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A professor at Utah State University is now studying people who suffer
from what he calls a compulsive obsession with morality and religion.
They had these people when I was a kid. They were called parents."
-Jay Leno
"A company created a bathroom scale that allows you to tweet your
weight to your friends. The company immediately went out of business."
-Conan O'Brien
"I had general anesthesia for my surgery. It's so weird. You go to
sleep in one room and then wake up four hours later in a totally
different room. Just like in college." --Ross Shafer
"I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm
with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to
YOU." --Abe Simpson, The Simpsons
"I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted
werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned
back into my neighbor's dog." -Dwight Schrute, The Office
"Energy Secretary Stephen Chu testified before Congress yesterday that
he thought it was a good idea to lend $535 million of our tax dollars
to the solar panel company Solyndra right before they went bankrupt. If
he'd taken all of that money, put it in a big pile and set it on fire,
it would have produced more energy than Solyndra." -Jay Leno
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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