Surgery, Hell Is Full And More... :) Shangy!
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*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
In honor of the US Army's 245th birthday, we have 3 sizzling
hot new pages from our friend LouiseAu. You may be surprised
to learn just how many of your favorite celebrities have
served in the military. See how many you can recognize! Be
sure to check out their cool videos. See all three starting
here...
.---.
___ /_____\
/\.-`( '.' )
/ / \_-_/_
\ `-.-"`'V'//-.
`.__, |// , \
|Ll //Ll|\ \
|__// | \_\
/---|[]==| / /
\__/ | \/\/
/_ | Ll_\|
|`^"""^`|
| | |
| | |
| | |
| | |
L___l___J
jgs |_ | _|
(___|___)
^^^ ^^^
Famous US Veterans!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/famousveterans.html
---
...Fun ones! Kept me busy all weekend! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
____ ____ ____ ____
|2 | |A | |Q | |T |
|(\/)| | /\ | | /\ | | & |
| \/ | | \/ | |(__)| |&|& |
| 2| | A| | /\Q| | | T| en Bukkems
`----` `----' `----' `----'
Two lunatics are in the rec room of an asylum. One is playing
solitaire, and the other is watching. Suddenly, the watcher
says, "Hey! You just cheated yourself!"
"Ssh!" The other whispers, "Don't tell anybody, but I've been
cheating myself at solitaire for years."
The first nut whispers back, "But, don't you ever catch yourself?"
"Nope", the solitaire player say proudly, "I'm way too clever!"
-<>-
At one of the last all girl schools, the instructor in a 'Charm
Course' was urging her students to give their escorts every
chance to be gallant.
"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around
and open the door for you," she said.
Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if the big, dumb
idiot is in the restaurant ordering his steak... don't wait
any longer."
-<>-
>Defining Occupations As They Actually Are
Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value
of nothing.
Auditor - Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all
the wounded.
Banker - The fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
(Mark Twain)
Economist - An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Statistician - Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.
Actuary - Someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that
decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
Programmer - Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had
in a way you don't understand.
Mathematician - A blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat
which isn't there.
Lawyer - A person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it
a "brief".
Psychologist - A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful
girl enters the room.
Schoolteacher - Is some one who likes children. A royal baby sitter.
Consultant - Someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells
you the time.
Diplomat - Someone who can tell you to go somewhere you don't like
in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
June 15 is National Nature Photography Day, Smile Power Day and
Global Wind Day
June 16 is Fresh Veggies Day
June 17 is Eat Your Vegetables Day
June 18 is Go Fishing Day, International Panic Day, International
Picnic Day, International Sushi Day, National Splurge Day and
Nursing Assistants Day
June 19 is Juneteenth, National Kissing Day, Take a Road Trip Day
and World Sauntering Day
June 20 is Finally Summer Day / Summer Solstice, Ice Cream Soda
Day, National Bald Eagle Day, National Hollerin' Contest Day,
Record Store Day and World Juggler's Day
June 21 is Father's Day, Go Skateboarding Day, International Yoga
Day, National Sea Shell Day, National Selfie Day and National
Turkey Lovers Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
\
\
___ \
:` o `: \
|`---`| \
|MmmmM| .--. ()
|MMMMM| / \ /\
|mMMMm|/ `.' '.__.
`---`
jgs
>Favorite Museum
Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country.
When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a
senior discount. It wasn't to be.
"Sir," she said, "this is a quilt museum. We give discounts to
teenagers."
-<>-
>Wearing a Watch
Even though he could not tell time, my three-year-old grandson was
wearing a watch when I visited. Later, when I was putting on my
coat to leave, I asked him what time it was.
He looked at his watch blankly, then brightened. "It's time for
you to go," he answered triumphantly.
-<>-
>Anniversary Cake
On our first anniversary, after a romantic candlelit dinner, my
wife emerged from the kitchen with the finishing touch: the top
of our wedding cake for dessert.
At the first cut, the iced layer "squeaked" at us.
For an entire year, we had saved a round chunk of frosting-covered
Styrofoam in our freezer.
-<>-
>Cakes and Ale
Here is a purported to be true story someone found regarding exams
at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one
day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to
bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that
you bring me Cakes and Ale.
At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred
year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally
in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly
translated):
"Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and
Ale." Soda and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and
the student sat there, writing his examination and happily
slurping away.
Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not
wearing a sword to the examination.
-<>-
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
>Military Reprimand
A young soldier was up before his commanding officer for a
reprimand.
After going through a list of his misdemeanors the CO says, "And
another thing, I didn't see you at camouflage practice this
morning."
"Thank you, Sir," the soldier replied.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
/\ __
\ .-':::.
\ :::::|\
|,\:::'/ \
`.:::-' \
`-. \ ___
`-. | .-'';:::.
`-.-' / ',''.;;;\
| ','','.''|
|\ ' ,',' /'
`.`-.___.-;'
`--._.-'
AsH
>SMILES
I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young
lady behind me leaned on her horn, because I was taking too long
to place my order....
“Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So when I got to the
first window, I paid for her order along with my own!!
The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved
up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank
you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with
a kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and
took her food, too. Now she has to go back to the end of the line
and start all over.
Don't honk your horn at old people!
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
,-. Life keeps rolling along......
( O )` ~ - . _ . - ~ ` ~ - . _ . - ~ ` ~ -
|`-'| : : : : : : : :
| | : : : : : : : :
`-'` ~ - . _'. - ~ ` ~ - .'_ . - ~ ` ~ -
cww
>EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT TOILET PAPER
1. The first recorded use of toilet paper was in 6th Century China.
2. By the 14th Century, the Chinese government was mass-producing it.
3. Packaged toilet paper wasn't sold in the United States until 1857.
4. Joseph Gayety, the man who introduced packaged TP to the U.S.
had his name printed on every sheet.
5. Global toilet paper demand uses nearly 30,000 trees every day.
6. That's 10 million trees a year.
7. It wasn't until 1935 that a manufacturer was able to promise
Splinter-Free Toilet Paper.
8. Seven percent of Americans admit to stealing rolls of toilet
paper in hotels.
9. Americans use an average of 8.6 sheets of toilet paper per trip
to the bathroom.
10. The average roll has 333 sheets.
11. Historically, what you use to wipe depended on your income level.
12. In the middle ages they used something called a gompf stick
which was just an actual stick used to scrape.
13. Wealthy Romans used wool soaked in rose water and French royalty
used lace.
14. Other things that were used before toilet paper include: Hay,
corn cobs, sticks, stones, sand, moss, hemp, wool, husks, fruit
peels, ferns, sponges, seashells, knotted ropes, and broken pottery
(ouch!). I must add Poison Ivy leaves with others available
15. 70-75% of the world still doesn't use toilet paper because it is
too expensive or there is not sufficient plumbing.
16. In many Western European countries, bidets are seen as more
effective and preferable to toilet paper.
17. Colored toilet paper was popular in the U.S. until the 1940s.
18. The reason toilet paper disintegrates so quickly when wet is
that the fibers used to make it are very short.
19. On the International Space Station, they still use regular
toilet paper but it has to be sealed in special containers and
Compressed.
20. During Desert Storm, the U.S. Army used toilet paper to
camouflage their tanks.
21. In 1973 Johnny Carson caused a toilet paper shortage. He said
as a joke that there was a shortage, which there wasn't, until
everyone believed him and ran out to buy up the supply. It took
three weeks for some stores to get more stock.
22. There is a contest sponsored by Charmin to design and make
wedding dresses out toilet paper. The winner gets $2,000.
23. There was a toilet paper museum in Wisconsin, The Madison
Museum of Bathroom Tissue, but it closed in 2000.
24. The museum once had over 3,000 rolls of TP from places all
over the world, including The Guggenheim, Ellis Island, and
Graceland.
25. There is still a virtual toilet paper museum called Nobody's
Perfect.
26. In 1996, President Clinton passed a Toilet Paper Tax of 6 cents
per roll, which is still in effect today. Obama tried to triple
that but the House wouldn't pass it.
27. The Pentagon uses, on average, 666 rolls of toilet paper per day.
28. The most expensive toilet paper in the world is from Portuguese
brand Renova.
29. Renova is three-ply, perfumed, costs $3 per roll and comes in
several colors including black, red, blue and green.
30. The CEO of Renova came up with the idea for black toilet paper
while he was at a Cirque du Soleil show.
31. Beyonce uses only red Renova toilet paper.
32. Kris Jenner uses only the black Renova toilet paper.
33. If you hang your toilet paper so you can pull it from the top,
you're considered more intelligent than someone who pulls it from
the bottom. (Wonder how this was determined?) (cats)
34. Koji Suzuki, a Japanese horror novelist best known for writing
The Ring, had an entire novel printed on a single roll of toilet
paper.
35. The novel takes place in a public bathroom and the entire story
runs approximately three feet long.
36. When asked what necessity they would bring to a desert island,
49% of people said toilet paper before food.
37. Queen Elizabeth II wipes her royal bottom with silk
handkerchiefs. Wonder if the royal chambermaid gets to wash those?
38. Muslims wipe their bums with their bare hand--- always the left
hand . They eat with their right hand. As a Muslim, If you are
caught shop lifting, your right hand is cut off forcing you to eat
with your poopy left hand.
This history was sent to you using my right hand!
---
...HaHaHa! (AND NO I did not vet these!) Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
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-Berry-
No need to spend big bucks to pamper yourself. From banana peels
to used coffee grounds, your kitchen is a gold mine of free skin,
hair and body nourishers!
* Soothe rashy skin with celery pulp
Do you juice celery? the pulp that's left behind is packed
with anti-inflammatory properties that calm red, rashy skin.
An added perk; antioxidants in the veggie fortify skin's
barrier to prevent future irritation. After juicing, take
the discarded pulp and rub onto irritated skin. Let stand
for 10 minutes before rinsing.
* Fade wrinkles with banana peels
Unique compounds in banana peels have been shown to increase
collagen production, which helps diminish the appearance of
fine lines and wrinkles. Plus, when rubbed onto skin, the
peel gently sloughs off the dead, dry cells that can make
creases look more noticeable. Rub the inside of a banana
peel onto areas with wrinkly skin, let sit for 10 minutes
then rinse.
* Slim a double chin with coffee grounds
Chock full of diuretic caffeine, used coffee grounds draw
out excess water from puffy skin, making the area under
the chin look tauter. And pairing with egg whites (their
amino acids tighten skin) and coconut oil (its lauric
acid hydrates skin) speeds results. Mix 1/4 cup of brewed
coffee grounds, the white from 1 egg and 1 Tbs. of coconut
oil. Rub onto skin from the jawline down to the neck, rinse
after 15 minutes.
* Beat bacne with citrus rind
The citric acid on the outside of lemon, lime and orange
peels unclogs pores, thwarts excess oil production and
kills bacteria for clear, blemish-free skin. Rub rinds onto
the back for 1 minute, rinse after 15.
* Baking soda restores radiance
Mix equal amounts of baking soda and water and rub onto
damp skin for 1 minute, rinse. The mildly abrasive powder
gently whisks away dead, dulling skin cells leaving the
complexion with a gorgeous glow.
* Olive oil softens rough heels
Rub any bottom-of-the-bottle oil onto heels and wrap them
with a warm, damp towel for 15 minutes, then rinse. The
oil's fatty acids lock in moisture while its antioxidants
repair rigid skin for baby-soft feet.
* Milk de-puffs undereye bags
Soak cotton pads with any last drops of milk and place on
closed lids for 10 minutes, then rinse. Milk's anti-
inflammatory lactic acid nixes swelling, and its coolness
skrinks blood vessels to lighten dark circles.
-<>-
We all spend a lot of time in there!
_____
| D
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\___| _
|| _______ -( (-
|_'(-------) '-'
| /
_____,-\__..__|_____Pr59
It's all about the bathroom...
Use kitchen drawer dividers in your bathroom. You know,
those same things you use for silverware and other odds
and ends.
Those dividers can be perfect for storing makeup, tooth-
brushes, floss containers, and other small items in your
bathroom drawers. As in the kitchen, they serve the
additional function of protecting your drawers from moisture.
* Install hooks for towels.
If you don't have enough room for all your towels on your
towel racks, mounting hooks is fast and easy and will provide
you with the additional space you need.
* Keep all your larger toiletries (hair spray, lotion, etc.)
inside a larger bin or box, and store that under your sink.
When you get ready each day, you can just pull it out and
use everything, and then put it all back. That's a lot
easier than looking for every item individually.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
In honor of the U.S. Army’s 245th birthday today, we’re trying
to send 24,500 messages of thanks to our troops.
Can you spare a minute to send a few kind words?
https://tinyurl.com/ybdqp4sl
Trump campaign touts 1 million ticket requests for Tulsa rally
https://tinyurl.com/yc7zo6k9
UN Tried to Use Pandemic to Push Abortion, But Pres. Trump Wasn’t
Having It
https://tinyurl.com/y94v2tlx
In an interview with Fox News’ Harris Faulkner, President Donald
Trump answered hard questions regarding protesters’ call to defund
the police and ban chokeholds, and discussed what it means to be a
“law and order” president.
Trump, who is usually snarky with the press, took a more serious
tone with Faulkner who reminded him that she is both a Black woman
and a mom who was deeply affected by the video of George Floyd’s
death.
https://tinyurl.com/y9kdoe97
Here’s What President Trump Is Doing to Help Underserved Communities,
Minority Businesses —Fort Worth Star-Telegram
“I joined the president Thursday in Dallas as he hosted a roundtable
at a church. Included in the discussion were faith and community
leaders and small-business owners who discussed solutions to
historic economic, health, and justice disparities in American
communities,” writes Ashley Bell of the White House Opportunity
& Revitalization Council.
https://tinyurl.com/yc3wcllr
Tom Cotton: NYT Column Calling To Abolish Police ‘Puts Lives In
Danger’
https://tinyurl.com/yaf8ksxf
Daneen Borelli: 'Democrat-run cities have been failing Black
Americans for many many years'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfbaKgzOLoE
Tucker Carlson, Hannity expose CHAZ hypocrisy, insanity
https://tinyurl.com/y8h3zbu9
Experts Disgraced Themselves By Prioritizing Woke Politics Over
Public Health
https://tinyurl.com/y96fog3n
EXCLUSIVE: MLK’s Niece Says Biden Speaks From A Different Reality
In Saying Floyd’s Death Had A Bigger Impact Than MLK’s
Assassination
https://tinyurl.com/yagz9mvm
Kayleigh McEnany Challenges Omar Over Her Comparing Cops To Cancer
TheDC Shorts
https://tinyurl.com/y8fhv2qt
Lawless in Seattle: City Lets Anarchists Seize Downtown Blocks
—New York Post
https://tinyurl.com/yact5wx8
Westwing News: The Media Said Trump Didn’t Have a COVID Testing
Strategy. The Media Was Wrong.
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Beef Recalled, Possible E.coli Contamination
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
As the world turns, the dumb just keep getting dumber -
Striking back against that stronghold of white supremacy
and racism, a man in Wisconsin allegedly broke into a
baseball stadium and yelled "Black Lives Matter" as he
damaged the field with a tractor, according to a criminal
complaint.
Keyon A. Lambert is accused of breaking into and causing
$40,000 worth of damage to Miller Park in Milwaukee,
Wisconsin. Lambert told police his goal was to write his
name in cursive on Miller Park's field using the tractor's
wheels.
Lambert also yelled "we're gonna burn this [expletive] down
tonight" as he drove the tractor.
Lambert allegedly entered Miller Park after finding a door
unlocked. He then began driving a tractor using its front
bucket causing damage to the field, but he told police the
tractor "moved too slow" for him to do this.
Instead, Lambert allegedly decided he would "show off" after
he saw employees filming him.
He is charged with one count of criminal damage to property
and one count of disorderly conduct.
-<>-
A 10-year treasure hunt ended a few days ago when a
scavenger located a chest in the Rocky Mountains that
contains $1 million in gold, jewels and other valuables,
the creator of the hunt said.
Santa Fe art dealer and author Forrest Fenn, who started
the hunt in 2010, said his clue-filled poem led the man
to the chest's location.
"It was under a canopy of stars in the lush, forested
vegetation of the Rocky Mountains and had not moved from
the spot where I had it more than 10 years ago," Fenn
wrote on his website. "I do not know the person who found
it, but the poem in my book led him to the precise spot.
Fenn told the Santa Fe New Mexican the discovery occurred
"a few days ago." He didn't identify the man who found the
treasure, but he said the scavenger confirmed his discovery
with a photograph.
More than 400,000 people have hunted for the treasure over
the years and as many as 2 million have been involved in
some way or another, a study said earlier this year. The
chase has sometimes been deadly, resulting in at least four
deaths in the Rocky Mountain wilderness. Several treasure
hunters, called "chasers" or "Fenners," also had to be
extracted from dangerous situations by search-and-rescue
teams.
Some believed the treasure hunt was a hoax, while others
said they'd seen it with their own eyes.
"There were big gold nuggets from Alaska the size of your
fist and gold coins, Krugerrands, and some little pre-
Columbian statues, including a little frog," Santa Fe
author Doug Preston reported. He said he also saw "loose
gems. It was like a pirate chest."
"I feel halfway kind of glad, halfway kind of sad because
the chase is over," Fenn said.
*--- Florida man fist-fights alligator ---*
A Florida man said he ended up in a fist fight with a
13-foot alligator when the reptile attacked his dog and
pulled the canine into the water. Trent Tweddale said he
and his 6-year-old dog, Loki, were walking on his Wesley
Chapel farm when a 13-foot alligator reached out of the
water and grabbed the dog. "I grabbed the dog's collar
to try to pull him back and I ended up in a tug-of-war
match with this gator and the gator was not letting go,"
Tweddale told local news. "So I let go of the collar and
I got about knee-deep into the water and started pounding
on the gator's head until he eventually let go." Tweddale
said he ended up with only minor scratches, but Loki's
front leg was nearly severed and required emergency
surgery. He said a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation
Commission trapper helped him set a trap for the gator on
his property.
*--- Gin bottles mistakenly filled with sanitizer ---*
A distillery in Australia said a recall successfully
recovered all gin bottles that were mistakenly sold as
liquor when they were actually filled with hand sanitizer.
The Apollo Bay Distillery in Victoria said nine bottles
labeled SS Casino Gin were sold during the weekend at the
Great Ocean Road Brewhouse in Apollo Bay. The distillery
said the bottles were mistakenly put up for sale as gin,
but were actually filled with hand sanitizer containing
glycerol and hydrogen peroxide. "Consumption of the
product may have side effects including nausea, headaches,
dizziness, bloating, vomiting, thirst and diarrhea," the
distillery said in issuing the recall. Of course, you could
say that about gin too. "We are very sorry this occurred.
Rest assured we will be following up our procedures to
ensure this does not occur again," the distillery said.
*--- Feds torpedo submarine smuggler ---*
A Canadian man who allegedly admitted using a submarine to
smuggle drugs and money into the U.S. was charged after
federal agents found him floating unconscious in the Detroit
River while hauling 265 pounds of marijuana, according to
authorities. The case against Glen Richard Mousseau, 49, of
Windsor, Ontario, was filed in federal court and describes
an unusual twist on the rich bootlegging history of
smuggling drugs, people and liquor across the international
border between Detroit and Canada. "Smugglers try out all
means when trying to smuggle things into the United States,"
said Kris Grogan, a Customs and Border Protection spokesman.
Mousseau will be held without bond as new details emerged
about the underwater gadget prosecutors say Mousseau used to
smuggle drugs and money.
*- 'At sea one day, you'll smell land where there'll be no land' -*
A humpback whale off the New Jersey coast landed on a boat,
tossing two men overboard and causing the vessel to become
beached. Witnesses said the whale was breaching Monday off
Seaside Park when it collided with the boat, sending two
men into the water. The men, who were not injured, were able
to climb back onto the boat before it beached, the witnesses
said. Police said beachgoers helped the men secure the boat
and retrieve dropped items from the water. Witnesses said
the whale did not appear injured and continued to breach for
some time after the crash.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
______________
/' |
( |
\.______________|
\\. //\\ .//
`\\. .//.
m1a // `\\// \\
|| .//\\. ||
||.// `\\.||
|// `\\|
'' ``
>A Different Position
HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.
-<>-
>The Best Breast Stroke
A blonde, brunette and redhead woman decided to compete in the
Breast Stroke division of the English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first, the redhead second, then the blonde
finally reached the shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and a drink she remarked, "I
don't want to complain, but I'm pretty sure those other two
girls used their arms.
-<>-
>Random Hilarity
Two blonde guys are walking down the street. One of them says,
sadly, "Wow! Look at that dead bird." The other guy looks up in
the sky and says, "Where?"
Two employees are talking. One of them asks the other, "How long
have you been working here?" The other one replies, "Since they
threatened to fire me."
A guy goes to the doctor, and the doctor says, "I'm going to
need a urine sample, a semen sample, a blood sample, and a stool
sample." The guy says, "Listen, Doc I'm in a hurry. Can I just
leave my shorts?"
-<>-
>The Best Gift, Pound For Pound
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds."
So I bought her a bathroom scale.
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What does a pessimistic Rooster say?
A: Cock-a-doodle-don't.
|
m1a |
|
/ | \
\ | /
. --\|/-- ,
'--|___|--'
,--|___|--,
' /\o o/\ `
+ + +
` '
Q: What do get when you cross a rabbit with a spider?
A: A hare net.
Q: What bird can lift the most?
A: A crane.
Q: Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
A: He was charged with battery.
Q: There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
A: The one on the range.
,
\. /J ..---.. .-```-.
L`\ \-.__.-` L .-`` ``-. / \
| \ \ J .` _. `. J
J \ `\ L/ /` \ . \ \ |
| \ `, | ``-.o\ /_.-``\ L L
L `\ | J , `/\` , | J
J `\ / L /( `` )\ J |
| , `\ | `\`---.....--`/` | L
L | ` | \ (__Y__) / L-.-'
J |\ | `-.____.-` / __
| | \ |`. .` ( )
`-._.-` \ | `-.. ..-` `-`
`-.___.-` ``---``
NDT
Q: What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
A: Nobody Knows!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_
, L\
\/OO\
|/ \
/_\ `
_\ |_ Arjen Pilon
One day, an employee received an unusually large paycheck.
She decided not to say anything about it.
The following week, her check was short the overpayment
she received the previous week. So she confronted her boss
about it.
"How come," her boss inquired, "you didn't say anything
when you were overpaid?"
Unperturbed, the employee replied, "Well, I can overlook
one mistake - but two in a row is getting unacceptable!"
-<>-
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school
secretary on the first day of the new academic year.
"He's a magician, ma'am" said Little Johnny.
"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?"
"He saws people in half."
"Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"
"One half brother and two half sisters."
-<>-
>On Surgery
\ _____
\ / \ ______
\ /______ \ / \
/__ __ \_\ /________\
(\ \O) O) ) \__ __/
_ // |(------/ ([ -]__[- ])
/\\(\ \ / \__/ \__/
\___/ \----/ \ /
\ \ __/ \___ __/\____/\__
\ \ / \ / \
\ \/ \ / \
\ /| |\ \ / | | \
jro \__/ | | \ \ \ | | /
Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical
convention and making jokes...
The first, a Florida surgeon, says: "I like to see
accountants on my operating table, because when you open
them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: "Yeah, but you
should try electricians. Everything inside of them is
color coded."
The third, a California surgeon, says: "No, I really think
librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in
alphabetical order."
The fourth, an New York surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I
like construction workers. Those guys always understand
when you have a few parts left over."
_____ "Hmmmmm...."
/ \ \ ______
/_______\ \ / \
| __ __ | /________\
( -)_(- ) \__ __/
\---' '---/ ([ -]__[- ])
\ / \__/ \__/
\-----/ \ /
__/ \__ __/\____/\__
/ \ / \
/ \ / \
/ /| |\ \ / | | \
jro \ \| |/ / \ | | /
But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when
he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the
easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains,
no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."
-<>-
While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for
my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It
was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at
the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift."
"Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order.
"My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block."
-<>-
On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and
noted several historical points of interest. The children
were especially interested because they enjoyed the
computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste
of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the
famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible
in the dirt.
Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my
daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen
always die."
-<>-
At Sunday school they were teaching how God created every-
thing, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed
especially intent when they told him how Eve was created
out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled
up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, "Johnny
what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a
pain in my side. I think I'm gonna have a wife!"
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
>Hell Is Full?? WHAT!!!
/)_(\
______( 0 0 )______
/_/_/_/\` ' `/\_\_\_\
)'_'(
____.""_"".____
|___|___|___|___|
|___|___|___|
Darn! why am I always |- |
the last one to hear about these things... | |
/ _|_______|_
___ |___|___|___|
/ \ |' | ||
)'__/ | |
\(\\ | |
_\\__ | |
/,_ \--\ | - |
____// \ | \ | |
/,-' ` _)/ |\_ | |
`` ,o_:) ``` | |
. / \ . | |
/ \ | | |
. ( c c ) . | |
( ) \ / ( ) | |
( ) ' | | ' ( ) _|_______|_
_#, . ...,:o o:,.. . ,#_ ,, ,,,|___b'ger___|,,,
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would
stand on a trapdoor and announce, "I descend into hell!" A
stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open,
and the character would plunge through. The play was well received.
When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was
quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I
descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor
began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging
on the rope could make him descend.
Then, one student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah!
Hell is full!"
-<>-
>Please Be Quite:
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First
Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety
seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit
still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned
over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is
going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over
again!' It worked."
-<>-
>A Father of Many:
A little boy got on the bus and sat next to a man who had his
collar on backwards. He asked the man why he wore his collar
that way.
The man said, "I am a Father"
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that"
The man answered, "I am the Father of many"
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren"
The priest was annoyed and said, "I am the Father of hundreds"
The little boy sat quietly...but on leaving the bus he leaned down
and said, "Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards!"
-<>-
>What's Gonna Happen To Her?
A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange
eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast
and car wax. What will happen to her?"
"Eventually" said the Doctor, "she will rise and shine!"
-<>-
.sssssssss.
.sssssssssssssssssss
sssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
@@sssssssssssssssssssssss@ss
|s@@@@sssssssssssssss@@@@s|s
_______|sssss@@@@@sssss@@@@@sssss|s
/ sssssssss@sssss@sssssssss|s
/ .------+.ssssssss@sssss@ssssssss.|
/ / |...sssssss@sss@sssssss...|
| | |.......sss@sss@ssss......|
| | |..........s@ss@sss.......|
| | |...........@ss@..........|
\ \ |............ss@..........|
\ '------+...........ss@...........|
\________ .........................|
|.........................|
/...........................\
|.............................|
|.......................|
|...............|
>Top 10 Most Brilliant Marketing Mess Ups
1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it
was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following
in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into
German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not
too many people had use for the "manure stick."
4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used
the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian
baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies
routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most
people can't read.
5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the
name of a notorious porno magazine.
6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the
Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I
saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato"
(la papa).
..--------------------..
|``--------------------''|
| |
| ,,,;;;;;;,,, |
| ,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;, |
| ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; |
| ;;;;;;;;;''' _ '';;; |
| _'''_ _ (_' | ` |
| |_) |_ |_) ._) | |
| .| |_ | ..... |
| :::.. ...::::::::: |
| :::::::::::::::::::: |
| '::::::::::::::::' |
| '''::::::''' |
| |
| |
';----..............----;'
'--------------------'
unknown
7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated
into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.
8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make
a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an
aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la",
meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with
wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000
characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le",
translating into "happiness in the mouth."
10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads
were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and
embarrass you". Instead, the company thought that the word
"embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read:
"It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
-<>-
. //
/) \ |\ //
VK (\\| || \)u| |F /)
\```.FF \ \ |J .'/
__ `. `| \ `-'J .'.'
______ __.--' `-. \_ J >. `'.' .
_.-' ""`-------' `-.`.`. / )>. /.' .<'
.' `-._>--' )\ `--''
F . ('.--'"
(_/ '\
\ 'o`.
|\ `.
J \ | / | \
L \ J ( . |
J \ . F _.--'`._ /`. \_)
F `. | / "" "'
F /\ |_ ___| `-_.'
/ / F J `--.___.-' F - /
/ F | L J /|
(_ F | L F .'||
L F | | | /J |
| J `. | | J | | ____.---.__
|_|______ \ L | F__|_|___.---------'
--' `-`--`--.___.-'-'---
>Truth In Packaging:
A butcher just out of trade school in Canada applies for and
gets a job, skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters.
The first job he gets is to cut up a moose to put in the freezer.
He finally gets the moose cut up and is putting it into bags and
marking them with the contents: chops, rump steak, ribs, sirloin,
etc, etc.
When he finishes with the stuff he knows, he is still left with
a pile of unidentifiable parts.
At a loss as to what to do with them, he finally puts them all
into one bag and labels them..........Moosellaneous.
-<>-
.-.
( ( __ __
'-` ___/ _\.-./_ \
////|//(@ @) \|
//////// \./
| (_) |( _ )
ldb____|______|.m_m_______________________________________
>Missing You
Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his
wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every
night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said.
"What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd
be that concerned about me?"
"Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't
know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at
the front door."
-<>-
__O______O______O______O______O______O______O______O__
\ ( ) \ ( ) \ ( ) \ ( ) \ ( ) \ ( ) \ ( ) \ ( )
\ ) \ ) \ ) \ ) \ ) \ ) \ ) \ )
_____/______/______/______/______/______/______/______/___
>In My Dreams:
Andrew: Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I
dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls
in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a
row...
Psychiatrist: Hold it, Andrew. That doesn't sound so terrible.
Andrew: Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl from the end.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Kids With Dads!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithdads.html
Recycling Ideas 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/recycling3.html
Best Of NatGeo 4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestnatgeo4.html
Humor With Fishing!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishinghumor.html
Beautiful Photo Winners!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/photowinners.html
Only One Job!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob4.html
Got A Nanosecond 9?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano9.html
Truth In Advertising!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ads.html
Useless Signs!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uselesssigns2.html
Sunken Treasure In A Field!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/steamboat.html
Thoughts Into Action 12!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action12.html
Morons At Work 6!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork6.html
Parenting No No's 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting3.html
World's Best Dad!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/wbdad.html
Full Moms And Dads Index Pages
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/momsanddadsindex.html
-<>-
SUPERCUT Hilarious Weathermen
https://tinyurl.com/yauzrhdd
You Can Check In, But You Can’t Check Out – Here’s How Hawaii
Is Welcoming Visitors
https://tinyurl.com/y96hhheg
Hawaii has decided to extend its 14-day quarantine policy for
all people who visit the state, the Associated Press reports.
https://tinyurl.com/ycodfc2z
---
...WHY Is Hawaii doing this? Easy answer...
Hawaii is dominated by the Democratic Party and has supported
Democrats in every presidential in which it has participated,
except 1972 and 1984, when the incumbent Republican candidates
won 49-state landslides.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politics_of_Hawaii
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
New School Prayer Poem history
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-new-school-prayer/
---
...Quite interesting! Thanks LouiseAu!
Eric Chien, the current world champion for close-up magic, performs
some of the most beautiful magic we have ever seen.
https://youtu.be/x88RLbi0kzk
---
...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"People have been selling fake parking spaces. They charge
people to park in spots that they have no ownership of.
Here's a tip to avoid becoming a victim of this fraud. If
you find a parking space during the festival, it's a scam."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"There is a Japanese pop band whose members are all over
80 years old. The band is known for their No. 1 hit song,
'Where Am I?'" -Conan O'Brien
"A plane in Holland was forced to make an emergency landing
after a passenger's body odor was so bad that it caused
others to vomit and faint. You know it's bad when people
are going into the airplane bathroom for some fresh air."
-James Corden
"Facebook has announced a new page called 'Memories' that
will show users photos from the past. It's better than the
original title for the page, 'When You Were Thinner.'"
-Seth Meyers
"Last week, a 90-year-old letter to Santa Claus was found
in a chimney. On the bright side, the 96-year-old who wrote
the letter is still alive and finally got that tricycle."
-Conan O'Brien
"Italian chefs recently set a new world record after making
a mile-long pizza that took five ovens and over 11 hours to
bake. It got weird when the person who ordered the pizza was
like, 'Ooh, I said no pepperoni.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Here's some strange fashion news. According to The New York
Times, the monocle is back in style. Unless you're a Batman
villain or a giant salted peanut, you should not wear a
monocle." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia
are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should
help you finally get some sleep." -Seth Meyers
"In the United Kingdom, a baby's first word was 'Alexa.' The
baby's next words were 'Find me new parents.'" -Conan O'Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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