Talking To Daddy And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ .---. / ,-- \ .--. ( (^_^) ) .--. ,' \ (.-`-'(_) / `. / `-/ \ `. \-' \ : (_,' . / (.\_ ") \ . `._) : | `-'(_,\ \ / /._)`-' | | . `.\,O,'.' . : | | . : ! /\_ /\ ! . ! | | ! |-'-| : ""T"" : |-'-| | | | |-' `-'| H |`-' `-| | `-' | H .:| `-' | . H !|| | : H :!| | ! H !|| | | H ||| | | H ||| Ojo 98 /_,'V.L|.\ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This new hottie comes from our friend Linda. Such a cute and adorable one that I couldn't resist! Check it out here... __------__ /~ ~\ | //^\\//^\| /~~\ || o| |o|:~\ | |6 ||___|_|_||:| \__. / o \/' | ( O ) /~~~~\ `\ \ / | |~~\ | ) ~------~`\ /' | | | / ____ /~~~)\ (_/' | | | /' | ( | | | | \ / __)/ \ \ \ \ \/ /' \ `\ \ \|\ / | |\___| \ | \____/ | | /^~> \ _/ < | | \ \ | | \ \ \ -^-\ \ | ) `\_______/^\______/ unknown Slow Loris http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/sloris.html --- ...So sweet! Thank You Linda! ============================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: Pete's New Apartment \_/ .:' .:' .:' -=(_)=- /\|| /\|| /\|| Pete and Larry had not / \ //\\| //\\| //\\| seen each other in many // \\ // \\ // \\ years. Now they were // \^/ \^/ \\ having a long talk, |[] []|[] []|[] []| trying to fill in the | | | | gap of those years by |[] []|[] []|[] []| telling about their | | | | lives. Finally Pete |[] []|[] []|[] []| invited Larry to visit &| || | || | || |% him in his new apartment. "jgs"&%&--==--&%-==--%&"""""%&%"""" "I got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you drop by and visit us." "Great. Where do you live?" "Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in." "Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?" "Surely, you're not coming empty-handed?" =================================================================== +------------------ Bizarre Town Names --------------------+ Horneytown, North Carolina Whynot, North Carolina Hicksville, Ohio Knockemstiff, Ohio Slaughterville, Oklahoma Idiotville, Oregon Virginville, Pennsylvania Sweet Lips, Tennessee Ding Dong, Texas Looneyville, Texas Butts, Virginia Imalone, Wisconsin Toad Suck, Texas Intercourse, Pennsylvania Unalaska, Alaska French Lick, Indiana ================================================================ >-->From ArcaMaxJokes: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ >Conquests An infamous womanizer with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought that the man looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. "I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some ticked-off husband wrote to me, and said he would kill me if I didn't stop messing around with his wife." "So stop," the barkeep said. "I can't," the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. "That jerk didn't sign his name!" -<>- ___ ___ /#=.`. .'.=#\ \ \ `. .' / / `-. >- .--.v.--. -< ,-' ---/#=/ Y \=#\--- /__ | | | _\ /###=|____|____|=###\ |""' \ O | O / `""| |_ /`--(_)--'\ _| \##= \: / \ :/ =##/ `.#= `-' `-' =#.' `-._________.-' hjw >Pet Humor Q: What composer is the favorite among dogs? A: Poochini. Q: What do you call a cat that sings just like Pavarotti? A: Mewsical. Q: What do you call a cat that meows all night and loses its voice? A: Mewtilated. -<>- >Dyslexic Lawyer Did you hear about the dyslexic lawyer who studied all year for the bra exam? -<>- >Never Reach Me A young blonde woman is speaking to her psychiatrist. Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing. -<>- >Paying With Dimes A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets his beer and begins to drink it when he notices that the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer. Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender, the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter. The bartender is annoyed, and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves. The next day the man is back, and he comes in waiving a $5 dollar bill. The bartender thinks, "Okay, business is business," and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything. Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 bill. The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says, "Here is your darn change." The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out ten dimes, throws them behind the counter and says, "Gimme another beer!" -<>- ,-----. / \--. | / \ `. \-+-',___/ \ \ \ \ ,--\/"""\"". `._ / \ \ \ _ `| ( \ o\o|.,--. `-' \ \`-;---'-'( #) `._ \ |\ `--/ \. \ ||,`. / \`..--.._ ||/ `===='. \/ _`.__|| .-. \ \ | / \ |'| `. ! | \ \_/ \_.') \ ! | ,"". . _/ \ / / ;`--'\ \ \ `-' | |`-< \ \ \ | |\ \,---. \ \ \,---. | |,---. `.\ \,---. `. > `. | | \ `.| ( | |-'-' ( | |' `-------'-' `-----'-' hjw >Basic Rules for Dogs - Part I NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose. VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern. BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark. LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel. HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem. =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From NewsMax: *NY Post: Obama Campaign Digs for Dirt on Christie* http://tinyurl.com/3cp7a9k -<>- >From Vision To America: Excited by Power, Obama Ignores Legal Restraints http://tinyurl.com/43gnr2b Hamas to Obama: We Won't Recognize Israel http://tinyurl.com/3lpns7b -<>- >From Patriot News: Obama Birth Certificate Faked In Adobe Illustrator -- Official Proof http://tinyurl.com/3syhbfb -<>- >From Christian Coalition: GOP Study Committee urges reform of low-on-money Medicare After passing the worst piece of legislation in American history into law, ObamaCare, in the Democrat-controlled 111th Congress two years ago, the Obama administration is now granting thousands of waivers to its favorite supporters -- many of them unions -- to avoid having to abide by the onerous mandates of ObamaCare. Indeed, it was reported just this week that the former Democrat Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, who almost single-handedly crammed ObamaCare down the throats of an unwilling American people, received a whopping 20% of the waivers for her San Francisco congressional district. The other 434 Members of the House got the rest of the waivers, with the majority going to Democrat-controlled districts... READ MORE http://tinyurl.com/3nd8o3c -<>- >From Grassroots: No abortions with my tax dollars! I have just taken a stand with Concerned Women for America by signing their national petition supporting a Congressional move to permanently prohibit tax dollars from being used to fund abortion services -- either in the U.S or abroad. With a new conservative Congress in place, this is the very best opportunity to champion the rights of the unborn and strike a serious blow against the abortion culture that has gripped our nation for decades. Please take a moment to click on the link below to read more about this life-saving legislation and to take action with me: http://www.grassrootsaction.com/708/petition.asp?PID=31442036&NID=1 Thanks for joining with me. :) Shangy! -<>- >From BizarreNews: +-- Drunk ice cream man had urine in freezer --+ MORRISVILLE, Pa. - Police in Pennsylvania said they pulled over an ice cream truck driver accused of drunken driving and discovered a bottle of urine in the vehicle's freezer. The Middletown Township Police Department said Yassir Hassan, 46, was pulled over Friday in Morrisville after a motorist reported a Jack & Jill ice cream truck swerving on the road, WPVI-TV, Pittsburgh, reported Wednesday. Investigators said Hassan was visibly drunk and has several wine boxes inside his vehicle. They said they also discovered three plastic water bottles filled with urine and one of the bottles was discovered inside the ice cream freezer. Hassan was arrested and released pending a pre- liminary hearing on a driving under the influence charge. +-- Brazillian named oldest living person --+ CARANGOLA, Brazil - Guinness World Records announced a Brazilian woman who is 114 years and 313 days old is being officially recognized as the world's oldest living person. The record-keeping organization said Maria Gomes Valentim of Carangola was given the title after she was found to be 48 days older than the previous record holder, Besse Cooper of Monroe, Ga., who has now been dubbed the oldest living North American. Valentim, who was born July 9, 1896, said her long life is likely connected to her diet, which includes a full roll of bread each morning with coffee and fruit. She said she occasionally drinks a glass of wine. "To receive a claim from a woman born during the reign of Queen Victoria -- before the Ford Motor Co. was formed, or before even George and Ira Gershwin were born -- is remark- able in itself, but for that woman to be Brazilian makes it extra special. Never has a successful claim for longevity emerged from Brazil -- until now," said Craig Glenday, editor-in-chief of Guinness World Records. ---> [An Et-Ahem] From 2009 BizarreNews Archives <--- The global financial crunch is hitting everybody, even horny, Chinese business tycoons who are forced to cut all the way down from five to one mistress. But this particular horny, Chinese business tycoon had a sporting streak. Instead of just picking his favorite he held a competition between all of his girls. A competition that ultimately lead to one's death. The details behind the death came to light after the parents of the 29-year-old dead woman, only identified as Yu, handed over to police a letter that she had written. In her letter she said had been one of five mistresses kept by a married Chinese businessman, identified only by his surname, Fan, since 2000. All the five knew about each other, but chose not to break up the relationship as they received a monthly allowance of 5,000 yuan ($733) and a rent-free apartment. The businessman was going to lay off four of his five mistresses due to financial troubles. The women were allowed to vie for the remaining position by competing on their looks, their singing and their ability to drink alcohol (which is exactly how I picked my wife, by the way). When Fan told Yu she had lost her position and he was selling her apartment, she decided to take revenge. She invited the businessman and the four other mistresses on a mountain trip and drove the car off a cliff, killing herself and seriously injuring the other passengers. As a result of the scandal, the tycoon's wife demanded a divorce after learning about his affairs, while the four mistresses left him after he shut down his business. He also had to pay $85,000 compensation to the parents of the dead woman. -- Vanity plate causes porn inquiries ------------ EAST MEADOW, N.Y. - A suburban New York man said the personalized license plate he obtained for his car -- XXX PERT -- causes many people to ask him about buying pornography. Henry DeRossi, 78, of East Meadow, N.Y., said the plate on his Mercedes-Benz is a reference to his business, Expert Metal Slitters of Long Island City, N.Y., but the triple-X on the plate causes many to confuse him for a porn seller, the New York Daily News reported. "You'd be surprised how many people stop me when I am at a light and want to buy porn," DeRossi said. He told the Daily News the number of people confused by the plate has grown to the point where his auto dealer has him park the vehicle in a back lot when he brings it in for service. -- Missing: About 150 bowling balls ------------- FRANKFORT, N.Y. - The owner of a New York state restaurant with its own bowling alley said all but one of the establishment's bowling balls have disappeared without a trace. Alicia Gatto, owner of Thurston's Restaurant in Frankfort, N.Y., said the bowling alley had been closed for repairs and was last used -- with all balls intact -- Feb. 7, the (Utica, N.Y.) Observer-Dispatch reported. Gatto said some men from the restaurant went into the bowling alley Friday night and discovered all but one of the estimated 150 bowling balls were missing. "There's one left in the front, but the rest are all gone," she said. "I'm lost." Gatto said she has no idea how the ball thieves worked around the locked doors, daytime security cameras and nighttime motion detector security alarms. -- Train station puts up 'No Kissing' signs --------- WARRINGTON, England - Officials at a British railway station said they erected "No Kissing" signs to stop lovers saying their romantic farewells from holding up commuters. Colin Daniels, chief executive of Warrington Chamber of Commerce in England, said the signs were put up at the Warrington Bank Quay station as part of the facility's recent refurbishment after managers complained that amorous encounters were blocking foot traffic at the station, The Daily Mail reported Monday. "It was all a bit of fun. But now Virgin Trains have agreed to put them up as part of the refurbishment," he said. "They may seem frivolous but there is a serious message underneath. They certainly make our station unique." Managers at the station said amorous couples sharing passionate farewells or joyous reunions will have to keep their lip-locking limited to designated kissing areas. Commuters offered mixed opinions of the new signs. "Someone in an office somewhere must have a good sense of humor," train rider John Finney, 29, told The Daily Mail. "We're law-abiding citizens, though, so of course we won't be breaking the rules." Amy Swain, 21, said she thinks the signs are "good" but she expressed doubts about their effectiveness. "I don't think it'll stop people," she said to the newspaper. -- Cat alerts owner to lung cancer --------------- CALGARY, Alberta - A Canadian house cat not known for being affectionate is being credited with alerting its owner in Calgary, Alberta, about a cancerous tumor in his lung. Lionel Adams, 59, told the Calgary Sun his 8-year-old orange tabby called Tiger began some unusual behavior late last summer. "He would climb into bed and take his paw and drag it down my left side -- he was adamant there was some- thing there," Adams told the Sun. "And it was right where the cancer was." Surgeons subsequently removed a tumor the size of a soda can, he said. "I think if he hadn't done the pawing part it could have gone on for another five, six months undetected," he said. Barbara Walmer, department head of behavior at the Calgary Humane Society, told the newspaper there is evidence some dogs can sniff out some cancers and it's feasible cats, with their acute olfactory sense, could do the same. "I think we see more predicting in dogs but, for sure, many pet owners have reported pets can have a sixth sense when knowing when something is wrong," she said. ============================================================ >-->From TheMouthPiece: .--,--. `. ,.' |___| :o o: O LE GOURMAND A TRAVAILLE _`~^~'_ | by dcau /' ^ `\=) .' _______ '~| `(<=| |= /' | | |_____| ~~~~~~~ ===== ~~~~~~~~ ---------------- SIGNS YOU'RE A LOUSY COOOK ---------------- * Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren. * Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like. * Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him. * Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer. * You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle. * Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner. * Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste in their lunch bags. * Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer. * No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple. * You burned the house down trying to make jelly. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _ (_) --""------- 0/ ^^ .___...../ /__| |__\ \_/H__, ^^ \ / #####^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~\O/~~\Q/~^~^~rr Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it." So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes." -<>- A lawyer walks into his client's death row cell and says, "I've got good news, and bad news for you.. " The prisoner says. " Okay. What's the bad news? " "The bad news is that the Governor won't issue a stay of your execution...you go to the chair at 7 PM tonight." "Oh, that's horrible. What possibly could be the good news?" "The good news is that I got your voltage reduced!" -<>- I was supposed to go out with this guy on Friday night. On Friday afternoon he called and said that he didn't think it was a good idea, because he just wanted to be friends. So I hung up and called him back. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hey, friend, it's me. Want to hear what this jerk I was supposed to go out with just did?" -<>- _________________________________________________________ ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||.--. .-._ .----. || |||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ || ||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---||| |||==| | | | | \ | | |_\/_|Black| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ ||| |||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---||| ||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| || ___ .-.__.-----. .---.|| || |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^||| || , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q ||| || _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R ||| || '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y ||| ||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z ||| || _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^||| || `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||_______________________________________________________|| Qryz When hiring new staff at her public library, my daughter always asks applicants what sort of supervision they'd be most comfortable with. One genius answered, "I've always thought Superman's X-ray vision would be cool." -<>- I was leaving for a two-day conference, and my seven-year- old daughter, Katherine, was becoming overly clinging and teary. I was mystified at her emotional reaction until I heard her say to my husband, "Daddy, I have a loose tooth. If it falls out while Mommy is gone, do you know how to handle this tooth fairy thing?" -<>- A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. "I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him. The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room. Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes." ============================================================== >-->From Laugh&Lift: God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. */The Lift/* /`-. / `-. O/ `-. | `-. /\ `-. \_\_ `-. ########~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`@(((<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ unknown >Fishers Of Men (By Charles H. Spurgeon) "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." {Matthew 4:19} When Christ calls us by his grace we ought to think of what he can make us. It is "Follow me, and I will make you." It is not "Follow me, because of what you are already." It is not "Follow me, because you may make something of yourselves," but "Follow me, because of what I will make you." It did not seem a likely thing that lowly fishermen would develop into apostles, that men so handy with the net would be quite as much at home in preaching sermons and in instructing converts. One would have said, "How can these things be? You cannot make founders of churches out of peasants of Galilee." But that is exactly what Christ did! We cannot be fishers of men if we remain in the same element with them. Fish will not be fishers. The sinner will not convert the sinner. The ungodly man will not convert the ungodly man. And what is more to the point, the worldly Christian will not convert the world. -<>- /^\ /^\ | \ / | ||\ \../ /|| )' `( ,;`w, ,w';, ;, ) __ ( ,; ; \(\/)/ ;; ;| |vwwv| ``-... ; `lwwl' ; ```''-. ;| ; `""' ; ; `. ; , , , | ' ; ; l . | | ; , , |,-,._| \; ; ; `' ; ' \ `\ \; | | | | | | |; | ; ; | \ \ (; | | | l | | \ | | | | | pb | | ) | | | | ; | | | | ; , : , ,_.' | | :__' | | ,_.' `--' The closer we walk with the Shepherd, the farther we are from the wolf. >5 Dating Groundrules for Singles "Encourage one another to...love and good deeds." - Hebrews 10:24 NLT Here's some sound advice for making your dates experiences you'll feel good about afterwards: (1) Talk to God while you're getting ready. You spend time making sure you look your best, right? But are you spiritually prepared? Time spent before the mirror is important, time spent with God is all-important! (2) Agree beforehand. Sex is one of our strongest drives. Talk about it before it becomes an issue. And don't just discuss what you won't do. Listen: "Encourage one another to...love and good deeds." Think protectively! Think long term! Invest in each other by looking for ways to help one another grow spiritually. (3) Don't always date as a couple. When others start saying they never see you anymore, chances are you're becoming too exclusive. Don't set yourself up to fail! Too much time alone can lead to things you'll regret later. (4) Put love first. Genuine love respects the other person; it doesn't say, "If you loved me, you'd______." Instead it says, "I love you too much to: (a) take advantage of you; (b) cause you pain; (c) ask you to do something you feel is wrong." (5) Make a fresh start. If you've been permissive in past relationships don't get discouraged. The Bible says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9 NIV) That means you can start again with a clean slate by confessing your past sins to Jesus! The strongest relationships always put God first. How? By striving to demonstrate the kind of love Paul describes in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13. Be sure to read it today! -<>- >Quick Jokes ()()()()()() |\ | |.\. . . . | \'.\ | \.:\ . . .| \'o\ | \.'\. . | \".\ | tre \'`\ .| \.'\ | \__\| Occasionally at the restaurant where I work there are extra desserts, and the staff are given some to take home. Once I brought home two pieces of cheesecake for my son and daughter. Katie had a piece that evening. The next day her older brother found her watching TV and eating more cheesecake. "Are you eating my cheesecake?" he demanded. "Oh, no," she replied sweetly, "I ate yours yesterday." -------- Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped. One warm April day Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor watched the scene with amusement. "Frank," he finally commented, "you're the only man I know who walks his tree and waters his dog!" -------- _ ____ __ / \ .' '. ____......------""""""""````` `\ | `::-/'-....-'\--""``` | | :: | | | | ,:'-\.-''''-./--..___ / jgs \_/ '.____.' ````````````"""""""------------' As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist." -------- My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having an old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds. Please promise me you'll try to work on that." The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what was that you were saying?" -------- A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off: "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. . . Lead us not into temptation." ----------- One nice thing about living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does ----------- ____________________ | | | PSYCHIATRIC | | HELP | |____________________| || ,-..'``. || || (,-..'`. ) || || )-c - `)\ || ,.,._.-.,_,.,-||,.(`.-- ,`',.-,_,||.-.,.,-,._. ___||____,`,'--._______|| |`._||______`'__________|| | || __ || | || |.-' ,|- || _,_,,..-,_| || ._)) `|- ||,.,_,_.-.,_ . `._||__________________|| ____ . . . . . <.____`> .SSt . . . . . _.()`'()`' . George Washington Carver, the great botanist and educator who died more than 50 years ago, often summarized his view of life with this story: "When I was young, I said to God, 'Tell me the mystery of the universe.' But God answered, 'That knowledge is reserved for Me alone.' So I said, 'God, tell me the mystery of the peanut.' "Then God said, 'Well, George, that's more nearly your size.' And He told me." ----------- In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child; "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again." _SUBSCRIBE INFO_ Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ,----------. ( I Believe- ) `----------' O o ,-. .:\ '`-. |:| __ b `;-( ,' | ( \|||_ ,-----(.-''--``-------. /_______`'______________\ / SSt\ ** I believe- That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. ** I believe- That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you ,you will find the strength to help. ** I believe- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. ** I believe- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. -<>- ____ .//\\\\`-. ////\//''``\ ||\|//' $ $| |\|\\' ') \\\\ `---/ HaHa - It's Punny! `\\-.__.-' ( o| |\ \_o| occcococo| \/ \|ococccocoo 8P""83338| `-'|8338833838 8aad8' ,baa----`/ I8388383 8838883838888ad88838838838 8888888888888888888888(FL) >A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD ** Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. ** A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. ** Practice safe eating - always use condiments. ** Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. ** I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. ** If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons? ** Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. ** A hangover is the wrath of grapes. ** Corduroy pillows are making headlines. ** Sea captains don't like crew cuts. ** Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? ** A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. ** A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. ** Without geometry, life is pointless. ** When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. ** Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. ** When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. -<>- >For You Inspiration: //((~;; \\ \`_ ,' )) _~o) '; Pssst... ( ) Christ set us free (''-___ ,_- | | ;---__ | )-|===| \ ~--|====|~~| |====\\\'._ |______\ \ \ |_|__|( ~~---/~\/\ /~_/____ \ ______--/\/\\_ W< Ref: Galatians 5: 1. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand fast then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Please remember, that no history book is able to portray is the true attitude and character of a people. It is difficult for us, with ten generations of democracy behind us, to appreciate just how radical were the words of the Declaration of Independence that, "all men are created equal." Never before in history had the world actually believed in the equal. Never before in the history had the world actually believed in the equality of man. That is why; the American system of government under God had been so unique. Under God--that was the key. Democracy would be subsequently tried in many places through the next two centuries, but only in nations where the one true God was worshiped would it succeed. For the study of man's history shows that equality, without the unifying hand of Almighty God, inevitable breeds chaos and anarchy. "The Brotherhood of Man" which takes Christ out of it, is one of the most destructive lies that Satan has ever perpetrated. Ten years after the American Revolution, the French, whose so-called "Age of Reason" philosophers are too often given the credit for first conceptualizing democracy, attempted to establish their version of the Brotherhood of Man. But it was without Christ. The resulting carnage horrified the world. Within a single generation, France was back under the yoke of tyranny, bowing to the Emperor Napoleon. --Peter Marshall My dear Christian brothers, Liberty, equality, fraternity--these are qualities of a spirit that are God's alone to give, and cannot be won by force. But once given, they are man's to preserve and protect, and to defend with his life's blood. This was the concept that began to form in America during the Great Awakening. And this is the concept that led the signers of the Declaration of Independence to lay everything they had on the line for America. Nearly every one of those signers were hunted down and murdered along with their families and fortunes. They did it so that we can have that liberty, equality, and fraternity that they gave their last full measure of devotion. The colonist had one battle cry, "No King but King Jesus," and you won't find that in any history book in the public schools today. I believe that Christ has set America free; and is again telling us to stand fast and once again do not submit to the yoke of slavery which even this country's political system will attempt to do, if Christ is not included in the Brotherhood of Man. History does and will repeat itself. --- ...Check out this web site for more info: Forsaken Roots http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/forsakenroots.html -<>- / _ `_--/-/_ _ ~\/ / Now I've Heard | . _ . |--\ _| # ( # ) It All! / \ _ # / -_ _-~ -'--`-_ / . | | |~| |-----,,) -------- |_|_| _~__~__\ W< ** Gone Fishing ** A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in Southern Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" "aw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Dese are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" "Ya. Avery night I take dese here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim 'round for a while. I whistle and dey jump rat back into dere ice chests and I take dem home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's de truth ma' fren, I'll show you. It really works." "Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The Cajun poured the fish in to the bayou and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" said the Cajun. "When are you going to call them back?" "Call who back?" "The FISH." "What fish?" -<>- ,--""""-., .'` ', / | | _ / __,'(,-'/ `\ _. / .=="=| '-. | We all have our limits... .'===,=|-. | / /===\==\| \ \ _;' | |====\==\ '.___,u' \__/ |===.##,=\ |==/####\='-.__ \#|#####|`/^|_))._________________ #######/`| |_.-'""""""=' ] #####/\/ /__,________;------.---' jgs `###' |_/ V V ** Drawing The Line ** Heavily laden with groceries, my aunt asked a young clerk at the grocery store to accompany her to her car... Arriving at the car, she unlocked and opened the doors. Then, without thinking, sat down in the back seat to check off her list of errands. A moment later, the perplexed clerk walked around the car to my aunt. "Lady," he said firmly, "I don't mind helping you load your groceries, but I really gotta draw the line at driving you home." -<>- ,___. |-----| ============ / | OO ~\ ( ) 0 ) ** THE HONEST LAWYER ** \_/-, ,-//-\\ ==== ||| | || -_/| | ||_ (____)) W< An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward and continued, "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money." -<>- _,,_ __ d888888bd888b d88888888888888B 8888888P`Y8888P Y888888 (, \_ ,_Y88( ) Y888888b __\ '8"888P (_ HI DAD! jgs | .---' ~;~~\~ .=. \ (_ _) \ |=| \ _ /| | \ /_\/ | | | .-'--/_/------'-. `-.,___________,.-' | || |___|| |___|| .'""'';.__ (_________)) ** Talking To Daddy ** ONE TIME when my children were toddlers, the phone rang and my oldest picked it up. "Hi, Daddy," she said and began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever my husband called from work. When it was my turn to talk I took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon." "Thank God, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!" -<>- ,-"""-. / - -'. db, 0 0 '---. 88b, \ 8888 0 | 8888, '.____,'/ Y88P \ .------' jgs `` |=( / ', | \ | \ | | ; | | | ,_(__/ / `--\ .-' | ||__ / '--.` '------` ** Same Job... Not Equal Pay ** Morris was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager. Morris, somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, " Hey DeBakey... Is dat you? Come over here a minute." The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris was working on a car. Morris in a loud voice, all could hear, said argumentatively, " So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work ? " DeBakey, very embarrassed, walked away, and said softly, to Morris,....."Try doing your work with the engine running. " -<>- .------------------------. | PSYCHIATRIC | | HELP 5¢ | |________________________| || .-"""--. || || / \.-. || || | ._, \ || || \_/`-' '-.,_/ || || (_ (' _)') \ || || /| |\ || || | \ __ / | || || \_).,_____,/}/ || __||____;_--'___'/ ( || |\ || (__,\\ \_/------|| ||\||______________________|| |||| Baby | |||| THE^DOCTOR | \||| IS [IN] _____| \|| (______) jgs `|___________________//||\\ //=||=\\ ` `` ` ** PREGNANCY Q & A ** (A Re-run For Andy's Daughter Wendy) Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college. -<>- _,,_ __ ." ".' '. / ) | /`-.__.' \ _| (, \_ ,_\ ( ) \ `\ __\ '-'.__/ (_ YOU have a Problem - Not Me! jgs | .---' ** 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" ** 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelets. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1-800-***-." 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting-practice. 7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male. 8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus. 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday. -<>- ** More About Wendy ** I was due later in the week for an appointment with the gynecologist! Early one morning I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 a.m. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, Wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" but I didn't respond. When the appointment was over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. _ ______ / `'. ,-"` '. / /'-.'. ___ .' \ \/ '.\.' ' | .| .'`\ | I'm gonna make you /`"'--., / \ , _.--'` \/_ | ,----.| _ `_--;` ``` `\-. sooo pretty! | | \ | -- C -- _/ \ \ | \ 0 0 / . | | \| ) | '. _.' |.__/ ; \ `'---` / / __ '. .' | (__) /'-._____,-` \ /---'.-""-.\ '. / ||,- \\ ;---`;-._||-= |\ , ."""-. \ ) `|'.___.' \ ___ \'. / '-. \ /`-`-; / \ ,/ `) \ \| \ `` | | \|| / /'.| )_ / || | | \/ .' \ \ .-'/ ` |` |.-' .-~ ~-~-._ |.'` \ ` '-. \___/,__/ ~` _ `~~-., `-.,_\_)`-.,_\) `~-,___ ~___~,,..-~~/ jgs \___/`\____/'._.' She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it." -<>- .----. _.'__ `. .--(#)(##)---/#\ .' @ /###\ : , ##### `-..__.-' _.-\###/ jgs `;_: `"' .'"""""`. /, JOE ,\ // COOL! \\ `-._______.-' ___`. | .'___ (______|______) ** My Ambition Is ** JOHN, A NEIGHBOR OF MINE, was annoyed because he had to search for his newspaper each morning after the paperboy tossed it. Often he would find it, covered with dirt, under the car in the gravel driveway. Then one day the paperboy's mother mentioned that her son's ambition was to play professional basketball. John had an idea. When he got home, he attached a basketball hoop to a post on the front porch. Sure enough, the next morning there was a resounding "plunk" as the newspaper sailed through the hoop and landed by the door. John never had to search for his paper again. -- Contributed to Reader's Digest "Life In These United States" by Jim Edwards =============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Freedom Isn't Free http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html God's Bumper Stickers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gbumper.html Friendship http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendship.html Ray's Freedom Rock http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedomrock.html John Scapes' Basement http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html Amazing Street Legal Airplane http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/transition.html Chinese WalMart http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html Life's Little Oops 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops4.html -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) I can't receive any of these on webtv. Hope you can view them and maybe use some of them. Blessings-Johanna Best Online Videos http://www.wimp.com/ --- ...God Bless You Too and Thanks Johanna! I can't use them - no embed like youtube has, but we sure can enjoy them! This looks like hours of fun! Like these from there... Bird Tricks http://www.wimp.com/birdtricks/ Baby Rocks http://www.wimp.com/babyjovi/ -<>- >From TheMouthPiece: Top 100: Great Movies Every Guy Must See (and Own) Alright guys get ready learn what 100 Great Movies Every Guy Must See (and Own). It's that simple. http://www.instash.com/top-100-great-movies-every-guy-must-see The Daily Groaner Twitter http://www.twitter.com/DailyGroaner -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Alien Fishing For Humans http://www.buffaloschips.com/fishie.htm Anakondaukus http://www.buffaloschips.com/ana.htm Are You Going To Finish Strong http://www.buffaloschips.com/anything.htm Arkansas Wedding http://www.buffaloschips.com/wed.htm Baby Girl On Jay Leno Show http://www.buffaloschips.com/leno.htm Shedding http://www.buffaloschips.com/41230.htm Tax Refund http://www.buffaloschips.com/41211.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =========================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "According to Buckingham Palace, the British royal family could be broke by 2012. That's what happens when nobody in your family has a job in 600 years." -Jay Leno "The American Association of Nude Recreation tried to break the record for the most people skinny dipping at once. In other news, the oil spill is now the second-most disgusting ocean disaster of all time." -Jimmy Fallon The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook." "Mattel is releasing a new "Teacher" Barbie next week. Apparently, it's just like Malibu Barbie--only she can't afford the Corvette." -Stephanie Miller "The baby is great. My wife and I have just started potty training. Which I think is important, because when we want to potty-train the baby we should set a good example." --Howie Mandel "Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened." --Cora Harvey Armstrong My girlfriend likes to role-play. For the past five years, she's been playing my ex-girlfriend. Sitting at a stoplight, I was puzzling over the meaning of the vanity plate on the car in front of me. It read "Innie." Then I got it. The make of the car was Audi. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************