Tax Day Smiles... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ *~* May God Bless All Those Affected By The Marathon Bombing today. >From EmergencyEmail: 2 Explosions at Boston Marathon Finish Line; 100 Injured, 2 dead 3rd bomb goes off at JFK library Security stepped up in NY and Washington DC MORE (video)... http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=2796&z=34 POLICE ASK FOR ANY INFORMATION 1 800-494-TIPS THE EMERGENCY EMAIL AND WIRELESS NETWORK www.EmergencyEmail.org -<>- >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first Sizzling hot page is from our friends Linda and Bunni. This is one pretty amazing artist! Check her work out here... _ _ / | / \ | | /\ \ \| |/ / \ Y | /___ .-.) '. `__/ (.-. / / | ' | |___| [_____] jgs | | Palm Painting Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/palmart.html --- ...Awww, so many darling ones! Thanks Linda and Bunni! Our second hottie is from our friend KarenF. I do love birds! If you are like me, you'll be intrigued by these little guys! No bigger than a sparrow yet they are awesome nest builders! Check them out here... \/_ \, /( ,/ \\\' /// \_ /_/ (./ '` as Social Weaver Birds! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sociableweavers.html --- ...Wow. I never would have guessed these were nests! Thanks KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Another Speeding Motorist Is Caught A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman ,__ suddenly asked | `'. the man. __ |`-._/_.:---`-.._ \='. _/..--'`__ `'-._ "Ummm, yeah..." \- '-.--"` === / o `', the startled man )= ( .--_ | _.' replied. /_=.'-._ {=_-_ | .--`-. /_.' `\`'-._ '-= \ _.' The officer jgs ) _.-'`'-.. _..-'` grinned and added, /_.' `/";';`| "Ever catch *all* the fish?" \` .'/ '--' _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) >HOW TO TELL IF YOUR NEIGHBOR OR FRIEND IS A WEREWOLF /\ ( ;`~v/~~~ ;._ ,/'"/^) ' < o\ '".~'\\\--, ,/",/W u '`. ~ >,._.., )' ,/' w ,U^v ;//^)/')/^\;~)' ,/"'/ W` ^v W |; )/' ;'' | v' v`" W } \\ " .'\ v `v/^W,) '\)\.)\/) `\ ,/,)' ''')/^"-;' \ '". _ \ RJK Werewolves live among us today, but unless you know what to look for, they are impossible to identify. Except when they're suffering an attack of the rare illness that turns them into crazed beasts, they look like any of your friends or neighbors, experts say. Dr. Werner Bokelman, an Austrian anthropologist who has studied werewolves for 30 years, has developed a test to help identify the werewolves amoung us. Here's how he says you can tell if your friend or neighbor is a werewolf: * Does he smell like a mixture of stale hay and horse manure? Werewolves have extra glands that emit nasty smells. * Does he have eyebrows that meet in the middle of his forehead? Doctors in Denmark say that's a certain sign of the beast inside. Werewolves' arms, legs, and bodies are extremely hairy, especially the backs of their hands and the tops of their feet. * Does a neighbor's child seem unusually attracted to little girls by the age of 7 or 8? Werewolves reach sexual maturity at that age -- five years ahead of normal humans. * Is the ring finger on both of his hands longer than the middle finger? Experts say a long ring finger is a sure sign a person is a werewolf. * Does he own large pets that often disappear and then are replaced by other large pets? Werewolves have enormous appetites and like to sink their fangs into large, fleshy animals. It would take 100 chickens a week, for example, to satisfy the average werewolf. * Do you hear strange howling and moaning in the neighborhood when there is a full moon and no dogs around? If so, you are living close to a werewolf. * Does his skin slowly change color? It takes a few hours for a werewolf to change from human to animal form. The first sign is a gradual darkening of the skin. * Does he wander around graveyards, mortuaries or turn up at the scene of fatal accidents? Corpses are a ready source of nourishment for young werewolves. * Is his blood bluish red and his urine a deep purple? If you can trust yourself to be alone with a suspected werewolf in the daytime, try to find out without being too obvious. Following him into a men's room might be a good idea, but be careful. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 15 is Rubber Eraser Day April 16 is National Stress Awareness Day and National Eggs Benedict Day April 17 is National Cheeseball Day April 18 is International Jugglers Day April 19 is Garlic Day April 20 is Look Alike Day April 21 is Kindergarten Day ======================================================= IRS: Money, Money, Money By The Pound! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXFEDERAL RESERVE NOTEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX XX THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA XXX XX XXXX XX ------- ------------ XXXX XX XXXX XX / jJ===-\ \ C7675 XXXX XX XXXXXX OOO / jJ - - L \ --- XXXXXX XXXXX OOOOO | JJ | X | __ XXXXX XXX 3 OOO | JJ --- X | OOOO 3 XXX XXX | J|\ /| | OOOOOO XXX XXX C36799887 | / | | \ | OOOO XXX XXX | | | | -- XXX XXX ------- \ / \ / XXX X XX \ ____________ / X XX XX XXX 3_________ -------- ___ _______ 3 XXX XX XX XXX ___ ONE DOLLAR i XXX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX -Songsinger- >-->TAX DAY SMILES >Late Show Top Ten Top Ten Things I've Learned From Being An Accountant (presented by various accountants) 10. When you know the right people at the post office, it can be April 15 whenever you want (Phil DeFalco) 9. Wite-Out and 7-Up — surprisingly refreshing (Andrew Ross) 8. If you're confused by something on the tax form, just write "Huh?" (John Fodera) 7. You do the taxes; don't let the taxes do you (Richard Koenigsberg) 6. People will pay you a lot of money if you pretend to know how the tax code works (Adele Valenzuela) 5. The only thing more satisfying than getting a client a sizeable refund is the garlic shrimp scampi at Red Lobster (Doug Cohen) 4. Numbers is hard (Andrew Rubin) 3. After completing tax returns for 12 straight hours, your calculator starts talking to you (Sandra Bissell) 2. Always put your clients first... unless you get an offer to go on Letterman (Roger Levenson) 1. Women want me. Men want to be me. (Richard Cohen) -<>- "To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a 'pain in the neck,' the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life." - Dave Barry ____________________________________ "The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." -Ronald Reagan ____________________________________ A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?" The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, "Now, you have everything." ____________________________________ The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it." =============================================================== >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,--. ,--. ( O ) ( O ) `--' \ `--' \ _ >-. / /| `-.__.' Krogg >Birthday Cake The mother was having difficulty gulping down the birthday cake her young son had made for her as a surprise. When she was finished, he happily exclaimed, "I'm so glad you like it, Mommy. There should have been 32 candles on the cake, but they were all gone when I took it out of the oven." -<>- >Chain Necklace When a thief snatched a chain necklace that a friend of mine was wearing, she grabbed at his collar, trying unsuccessfully to stop his getaway. Asked for the thief's description later, she said, "Don't bother looking for him. He only got a costume-jewelry chain of mine. But when I grabbed him by the collar, I got his chain, and it's real gold!" -<>- >Eating Habits The mother had become very cholesterol-conscious and was trying to change the family's eating habits. They were now consuming lots of oat bran, and she had substituted turkey for most of the meats they used to enjoy. She used ground turkey in spaghetti sauce and she served turkey hot dogs. The 16-year-old daughter was getting tired of all the turkey and cholesterol talk. One day she came home from school and asked the usual, "What's for dinner?" "Chicken," the mom replied. With a tired sigh she inquired, "Real chicken or turkey chicken?" -<>- >Heimlich Maneuver During a CPR training class, we were paired up to practice the Heimlich Maneuver. The instructor set the scene by saying, "Imagine you're at a dinner party with your spouse and he or she starts choking." He then reminded us not to do anything to people who were coughing, because they'd probably dislodge the obstruction on their own. We were to calm such victims with quiet talk and encourage them to continue coughing. When the role playing began, one woman moved close to her coughing "husband." She placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered, "Honey, did you remember to mail your life insurance premium check last week?" -<>- >Ice Capades A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerized that she wouldn't budge from her seat even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice was cleaned. At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know what I want to be when I grow up!" The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years, starring in the Ice Capades. She was brought back to earth when the daughter continued, "I want to be a zamboni driver!" ========================================================= ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) >SMILES A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving Earth..' ======= There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady. ======== "Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning!" ======== A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." ======== There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets." ======== While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust." ======== A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... " ======== A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." ======== People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention. ======== Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming." ======== The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances. During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! When you carry the Bible, Satan gets a headache..... When you open it, he collapses..... When he sees you reading it, he faints..... When he sees that you are living what you read, he flees...... And when you are about to forward this message.... He will try and discourage you.. I just defeated him!!! Any other takers? --- ...TeeHee! Great Classics! Thanks KarenF! ============================================================ >-->From our friend Linda :) ,-`'-. / , \ ( ((_))) ) / a a / C > ( \ =( / ) ( ) ( .--'. ;-. ) ' `'' ` / | , .--\|-(| ( | |' ` `( | | ) ) `.| | .' | | || ( () || \ \ \| \ \ ` / \ \ \ ' \ \ ` / | )> \ ' /\/\ ` / (_.,_) \ ' / \ ` ( ( ) ) `-=.__ `--==--' __.=-' gpyy |`-.__.._.' & | | | jnj ` | | & \ / ) VK : ) / / ' | | | | ` | | \ |\ | \ |)_ ( ) (_ \ \ / \ \\ \_\_ l\ \__\`____> \____> A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account." "If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelery stores and a $25,000,000 bank account." "However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not sure what to do. What do you suggest?" All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and told him, 'You'll try again." --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH'H`HHHHH'H`HHHHHHHH HHHHHbodHHHHHbodHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH'`HHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHooHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHP`HHHHHH'`HHHHHHHH HHHHHHb """" dHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHboooooodHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Krogg A good laugh for people in the over 50 group !!! When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1,800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space. That was before one of my grand kids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting World. My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag. The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud. I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc- u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship.. When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me. To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings. The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me. Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do fart a lot." P.S. I know some of you are not over 50. We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle. --- ...LOL! A good one! Thanks LouiseA! =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: People engage in all sorts of weird and extreme body modification. When I was a kid, tattoos were considered extreme, these days people scar themselves, have decorative stainless steel surgically implanted under their skin, split their tongues, have the tops of their ears sewn together (in an effort to look like elves or hobbits or something) and even suspend themselves from body piercings. But there is extreme body modification and then there is this guy. A California man was found in a pool of blood at a home improvement store in West Covina after he purposefully attempted to cut his arms with handsaws, authorities said. Pasadena Fire Captain Art Hurtado was among the horrified shoppers. He was shopping with his wife on his day off when he jumped in to help the victim. Without gloves or any equipment, the 21-year fire department veteran began working on the victim. "I barely had a pulse and he was just barely breathing," Hurtado said. But Hurtado kept trying, using what was on the stores shelves around him. "People just couldn't believe it," added Cpl. Rudy Lopez, with West Covina Police Department. "He walked into the saw area, picked up a couple of saws in the saw area and started cutting both of his arms." Lopez said the victim used several handsaws - including one that is used to cut drywall - to cut "all the way down to the bone." You know, on second thought I don't think this guy was into body modification, I think he might just be very seriously disturbed. *-- Beer company offers $1 million for capture of 'Bigfoot' --* TUMWATER, Wash. - Olympia Beer in Washington state is offering a $1 million reward for the "safe capture of Bigfoot," the legendary creature said to roam the Pacific Northwest. The Tumwater company posted a statement on its website saying "Olympia Beer and Bigfoot have been leaving footprints together in the Pacific Northwest since 1896," KCPQ-TV, Seattle, reported Thursday. "We have been sharing the same back yard for over a century and we believe it's time to do what has never been done, and that is to offer a one million dollar reward to anyone who can ensure the safe capture of Bigfoot. When we say safe capture that means Bigfoot has to be alive and breathing folks, with no wounds. That's right you can't use any act of violence, no guns/knives/boxing gloves/nets/etc, only sugar or sweets to lure him in," the statement reads. The company said only registered participants who capture the Sasquatch will be eligible for the $1 million reward. Olympia Beer said the project is being carried out in partnership with The Falcon Project, which it described as "the most penetrative search for Bigfoot ever conducted in the United States." *-- Fisherman competes with shark for tuna --* WAIANAE, Hawaii - A shark won a struggle with a fisherman for a tuna off Hawaii but the fisherman came out of the struggle with a consolation prize -- a videotape of the battle. Isaac Brumaghim, 37, caught a kawakawa tuna while fishing from a kayak in the Pacific Ocean, 2 miles off Waianae, Hawaii -- but a 9-foot-long tiger shark grabbed the fish as Brumaghim tried to reel it in. The shark then bumped the boat and swam away with the fish, KHNL-TV, Honolulu, reported."The shark made a circle, came around and ate the kawakawa under my boat," Brumaghim said, "and then it kind of hit me what had happened. Yeah, I did get the shivers a bit, on just thinking about the whole thing." Marine biologist Wayne Samiere said it was likely a 400- to 500- pound tiger shark. The incident was caught on a camera Brumaghim mounted on his boat. He posted the footage online, calling it "Chompy the shark," and says he is astounded by the attention he is receiving, Sky News said. *-- Police: Drunk went to trooper's house --* SALT LAKE CITY - Police in Utah allege a man showed up at a Utah state trooper's home drunk to complain about his being turned in for drunken driving last year. Salt Lake City police said Gordon Tye Bell, 37, was allegedly drunk and had a beer in his hand when he showed up about 7 p.m. Sunday at the home of a neighbor who is a Utah Highway Patrol trooper, the Deseret News in Salt Lake City reported Tuesday. Police said the neighbor had called 911 last year to say he suspected Bell of driving while intoxicated. Members of the trooper's family called the on-duty officer, who rushed home. Police said Bell tried to walk away when the trooper told him police were on the way and the trooper ended up taking Bell into custody himself while waiting for city police. Bell was arrested on suspicion of witness tampering, trespassing, public intoxication and resisting arrest. *-- Nun admits thefts to feed gambling habit --* HOLLEY, N.Y. - A western New York nun admitted she stole $128,000 to feed her gambling habit, prosecutors said. Sister Mary Anne Rapp of the Order of St. Francis pleaded guilty in Orleans County Court to one count of fourth- degree grand larceny, District Attorney Joe Cardone said. WIVB-TV, Buffalo, said Rapp stole the money from St. Mark's Church in Holley, N.Y., about 60 miles northeast of Buffalo. The thefts occurred from 2006 to 2011 when Rapp was placed on administrative leave because of discrepancies in church financial statements. She faces a maximum sentence of six months in jail and five years probation, Cardone said. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) _____ / \/_ //\__(\_\ |\ ^ ^ | .//_O \O_ \ \_ (_) / \ \_/ / __/\ /\__ / \ \ / / \ / \/\/\/ \ / | . | \ / | . | \ JRO The European Commission has just announced an Agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c"... Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f"... This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vordskontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to loza pepl. --- ...LMAO! Too Rich! Thanks Johanna! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) .:::::::::. .::::::::::::::::, .:: -'`;. ccccr -ccc,```'::,::::::: `,z$$$$$$c $$$F.:::::::::::: 'c`$'cc,?$$$$ :::::`:. ``': $$$`4$$$,$$$$ :::', ` .. 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Talk about Dyson with death.* ____ *I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!* ____ *My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.* ____ *I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.* ____ *I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move. ____ *I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, that guy's heading for a breakdown.* ____ *Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy. ____ *My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.* ____ *Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Blow that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind? ____ *I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. ____ *My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. ____ *A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair. ____ *I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said "You're obviously not listening." ____ *The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. ____ *Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam. ____ *Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realized she was just on standby. ____ *The wife was counting all the 5ps and 10ps out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change." ____ *When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing! ____ *Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter', who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. ____ *Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it! ____ *A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked." ____ *Murphy says to Paddy, "What ya talkin into an envelope for?" "I'm sending a voicemail ya thick sod!" ____ *Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. ____ *19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?" Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over." ____ *An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has traveled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.* --- ...LOL! Wowsers! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ,-"-. ,' .----. _________ `. ,' ) (@)__))___) |`-.-'| # \\ `---' ^ hjw A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future. He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you this fine day?" "I'm the Class of 2012, just graduated from Harvard and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me." "Congratulations," said the driver reaching back to shake the young man's hand. "I'm Mitch. Harvard Class of '79." -<>- A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers. The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you." -<>- TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 50's, 60's and 70's! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL. And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! -<>- ___ _____ .'/,-Y" "~-. l.Y ^. /\ _\_ "Doh!" i ___/" "\ | /" "\ o ! l ] o !__./ \ _ _ \.___./ "~\ X \/ \ ___./ ( \ ___. _..--~~" ~`-. ` Z,-- / \ \__. ( / ______) \ l /-----~~" / Y \ / | "x______.^ | \ -Row j Y ->Homer<- >DOE RE MI BEER, by Homer J. Simpson. DOUGH... the stuff...that buys me beer... RAY..... the guy that sells me beer... ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer, FAR..... the distance to my beer SO...... I think I'll have a beer... LA...... La la la la la la beer TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer... That will bring us back to...(Looks into an empty glass) D'OH! -<>- My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks. However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything in its place on your ship," he asked with his usual bluntness, "but your house is such a mess?" "Because my house," Michelle said, "does not take 30-degree rolls." -<>- A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator. Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, "I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator." To which the lady replies "Good Heavens, no! Don't shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son's picture on his back." ========================================================= >-->From The Mouth: |^^^^^^^^| | | | | | | | _ _, .---------------. | (.).) | | | .-^--_ | EAT MY SHORTS ! | \ ' _____) | | | \ (__ /_-----------------' / -__/ / \ / / . | / / / | / \ / ' / \ / / / . / / / X / / / / |--| |____ \/\_/ |--| ----. / |\ \----' / /| | \ \ `_/_|_. `- unknown >Top Ten Signs You're Not Mensa Material 10. You couldn't figure out how to break the seal on your standardized intelligence test, so you had to give up. 9. You wonder how the deer know to cross at the deer crossing signs. 8. You are confused by the plot twists of a Bugs Bunny cartoon. 7. You once tried to solve a Rubik's cube and had to be institutionalized for over a year. 6. You had trouble getting in even before they saw the decimal point in your IQ. 5. You are still struggling to finish "Shoe Laces For Dummies." 4. Your family had a celebration when you scored a "perfect 10" points on your SAT. 3. You don't watch PBS because there are no Budweiser or Taco Bell commercials. 2. Homer Simpson is your idol. 1. That "which comes first" thing about chicken and eggs just makes you hungry. -<>- -| -' | -' | __(). ==wkm=====|'\/ `.O__ \ `, _-^. `. `---, : ____________________________________ ///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\ >Top Ten Signs Your College Basketball Team Is Not Going To Make The NCAA Basketball Tournament 10. When team makes a basket, everyone hugs and squeals, "Yipee!" 9. Players look like the fat guy from "Lost" 8. Coach keeps pronouncing NCAA "NICKAHHHHH 7. Before hitting the court, team eats lovely meal of fettuccine alfredo 6. They spend timeouts discussing who will win "American Idol" 5. Team let shot clock expire because they enjoy the buzz 4. School's mascot is a giant asthma inhaler 3. Players regularly leave the game early to beat traffic 2. Point guard is leading the league in hernias 1. They score less than Eliot Spitzer -<>- __ ________\##, />=< `. o \##, `---.`/####/####| | |` || ````|######| | \ |######| | | |######| |____/\__ |######| L___)---` _ _|| | <_<_____) Zeus >Top Ten Signs The Government Is Spying On You 10. You turn on television and see a live feed of your shower 9. While you're ordering pizza, mysterious voice on the phone tells you to forget the mushrooms 8. There's been an ice cream truck parked outside your house for nine months 7. Your dog has an antenna 6. You came home early and found an agent dusting your wife for prints 5. Your cat has an antenna 4. After eating a falafel, your name was added to the "Do Not Fly" list 3. Drudge Report features exclusive news about your breakfast 2. CIA director Hayden calls and says, "Judging by these surveillance photos, you should get that thing on your ass looked at" 1. During State of the Union, president suggests you to ask your doctor about Levitra ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends, http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html Johan's Noah's Ark http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noahsark.html Military Motivational Posters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/military.html Value What You have! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html Crayola Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crayolaart.html Real Fantasy Trees 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees2.html Amazing Dog Houses http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses.html All Occasion Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/allcar.html Albino Hummingbird! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html Play With Harley! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/harley.html Road Train Trucks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html -<>- >From our friend Geniann :) A different perspective from outer space, two video clips from the ISS are also included. http://tinyurl.com/42k6atx Shows some amazing aerodynamic wildlife in Arizona. This film is truly amazing. http://www.youtube.com/v/xHkq1edcbk4?version=3 --- ...Sweet! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Fun with Budgies http://tinyurl.com/d5grrh6 --- ...Awww, darling! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: President Obama should get a big refund this year. He has a lot of dependants. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley. --Jay Leno There were tea party protests today. People have been mailing tea bags to members of Congress to, I guess, express their dissatisfaction with taxes and government spending. Nothing shakes a politician up like a complimentary bag of tea. -- Jimmy Kimmel "Tom Cruise made his first public comments about his divorce from Katie Holmes. He said, 'I didn't see it coming." Apparently Katie kept her divorce papers on top of the refrigerator." -Conan O'Brien "Over the weekend the premier of China told Kim Jong Un to chill out. Japan gave warnings too. First China, now Japan. I haven't seen people turn against a fat Korean guy this quickly since 'Gangnam Style.'" -Craig Ferguson "A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction - making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you." -Jimmy Fallon "Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their text- books. Let me save you some time. They're not." -Jimmy Kimmel "Dunkin' Donuts is testing a new food item. A glazed donut/ egg sandwich. If it tests well, it's going to be used in prisons as a form of lethal injection." -Jay Leno "Delta announced that it is shrinking the size of its bath- rooms to add four more seats on every plane. Cuz every time I'm in a plane's bathroom, I always think: 'Man, they could fit at LEAST three more people in here.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don't drink at all. At least, that's what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice." -Jimmy Kimmel "A long list of celebrities and musicians have signed a letter to President Obama asking him to ease the nation's drug enforcement policy. Hollywood celebrities and musicians want the president to ease our drug laws - it's always the people you least expect." -Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************