Teachers, Blondes And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) These pages took a little while for me to do. I've been procrastinating doing one up for three years and it took its toll. I had so much material, it just took some time going through it and selecting the best to be featured in these 2 pages. This comes from our friends Linda, LouiseA, Karen, PatDeE and Geniann. Lots of SMILES for Conservatives here - the rest take note - not for the Liberal Politically Correct crowd. Be ready to give a giggle and check these 2 new hot pages out here... _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; Humor In Politics 11! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics11.html Humor In Politics 12! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics12.html --- ...Lots of SMILES, Oh Yeahs and laughs here! Thanks my Friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: __..-======-------..__ . ' ______ ___________`. .' .--. '.-----.`. `.-----.-----`. / .' | || `.` \\ \ \\ _ .' / | || \\ \\_____\_____\\__________[_] / `-----' |'---------`\ .' \ /============|============\'-------------------.._____| .-`---. |-==. |'.__________________ =====|-._ .' `. | | .--------. _` ====| _ . / __ \ | | .' `. [_] `.==| [_] \ [ .` `. | | | .' .---. \ \=| | | | / .-. ' |_____\___________/_/ .'---. `. | | | | `-'| | O |'..`------------------'.....'/ .-. \ | | ___.--' LGB \ `-' / / `._.' | | O | |'___...----''___.--' `._.'.' \ `-' / [___...----''_.' `._.'.' A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license," he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" -<>- A man loses his tongue in an accident. A plastic surgeon he consults tells him that tongue transplants are still in the testing stage, but he will do what he can. The man undergoes the operation, and, after examining him, the doctor tells him everything seems to have gone well, and he seems pleased with his work. The next day, however, the man calls the plastic surgeon in a rage. "You know what you did?" he screams. "You gave me a woman's tongue." "Well," says the surgeon, "a tongue is a tongue. What's wrong?" "Are you kidding? I can't stop talking about my feelings, criticizing my wife, bossing her around..." -<>- A married college student, noticeably pregnant, keeps rubbing her side during a final exam. Before she leaves, the professor asks if she is OK. "I noticed you were holding onto your side," he says. "Oh, I'm fine," she answers. "It's just that my baby was pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little." "Well, that's good," the professor says, feeling genuinely relieved. "Yes," she continues. "It's strange. We both normally sleep during your class." -<>- ____ ____ ____ __ ,'_ _'. _ ,'_ _'. ,'_ _'. _____ ,'_ / (_)(_) \ [_] / (_)(_) \ / (_)(_) \ [_____] / (_) | ' | _ | | | | _____ | ' \ .--. / [_] \ -- / \ -- / [_____] \ .- `.____,' `.____,' `.____,' `.__ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ,'_ _'. _ ,'_ _'. ,'_ _'. _____ ,'_ _'. ,'_ _'. / (a)(a) \ [_] / (_)(_) \ / (_)(_) \ [_____] / (a)(a) \ / (a)(a) \ | 7 | _ | | | | _____ | 7 | | 7 | \ .__. / [_] \ -- / \ -- / [_____] \ .__. / \ .__. / `.____,' `.____,' `.____,' `.____,' `.____,' jrei >20 Interesting Ways To Write A Paper 1. Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts. 2. Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual. 3. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professors door. 4. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada. 5. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas. 6. Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style. 7. End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds." 8. Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it. 9. If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you cant do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. If you do end up writing the paper, write about that. 10. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right? 11. Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original. 12. Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography. 13. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the professors desk. 14. The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that you cant turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an "A." 15. Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you were trying to get the feel for the period. 16. Turn in a letter your wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it may be a little late. 17. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle and see if the professor notices. 18. Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he wont see you until the next full moon. 19. Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road. 20. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the professor, act like its nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include footnotes. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 14 is Roast Chestnuts Day December 15 is Bill of Rights Day and National Lemon Cupcake Day December 16 is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day December 17 is National Maple Syrup Day December 18 is Bake Cookies Day and National Roast Suckling Pig Day December 19 is Look for an Evergreen Day and Oatmeal Muffin Day December 20 is Go Caroling Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,``'.' / \ \ \ / \ | | ''''''.| | | `````'` | | | /'''' - (| | | /'``` . | | | / ''''' / ./ / '```` / |/ / ''''`| \/ / ' |` / / / /| /| | / '. || | ) ++ | \ | | | | \ .. \ _/ \ ' ./ | / \ | \ \ | \ | | . | | | | | | | | | | | .| | / / | / / / | | / / | | / / | | ==/ | | | | ==/ | | / | \ | Pru | | V | | V >Prized Posession The family was viewing old slides and one flashed on the screen that caught everyone's attention. My father, wearing his favorite golf shirt, was holding me at the tender age of three weeks. The look on his face told all. "There's my prize possession," my father said. Touched, I smiled at him as he continued, "I wonder whatever happened to that golf shirt?" -<>- >At the Gas Station I was pulling into a gas station one day when I saw a woman drive off with the nozzle still in her gas tank. She jerked the nozzle right off the hose. Realizing what she had done, she pulled back in, took the nozzle out of the tank, and put it back on the pump. Then she went inside to straighten things out with the management. While she was inside, a young man pulled up to the pump. He took the nozzle, with no hose attached, putting it into his tank. He couldn't seem to figure out why he wasn't getting any gas. He even took the nozzle out and repositioned it in the tank a couple times. I thought about pointing out the obvious problem to him but then decided that he'd be embarrassed enough when he figured it out on his own. -<>- >Old Family Car Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant and transmission fluid. Sure enough, the car overheated. Scolding myself for not listening to my father's instructions, I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me. The oil cap was labeled Dr Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi. -<>- >Where Do Babies Come From? On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, "Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, "You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer." -<>- >Family Resemblance Two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom," said the nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips." The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad but I have light hair." Then she turned to her mother. "Mom," she asked, "what does Dad have to do with us being born, anyway?" The older sister jumped right in: "Don't be silly. Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _ _ {{} {}} {{}}{{}} {{{}}}{{}} {{{}}}}^^^^-. | ~~ ~~ |@ . .| Work Smarter, not harder... | --. / | --' _______ | O | | | ''';....... | | """'..()...|______.---, | / \\ /\ // | |~ | / || | | || _____| | | / \\/ \// | -|_______| | \\..// | | \\// | -adam gurno >SMILES One day in class, the teacher told everyone to turn to a blank sheet of paper in their notebooks. She noticed that Moose, a rather dense jock, was having trouble with her directions. "Have you found a blank piece yet, Moose?" said the teacher. "Nope. I haven't," he said. "Somebody went through and drew lines across all the pages." -------- Sara knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at Sara, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin... it's simply a mistake." -------- The boss arrived at his office late and was greeted with giggles from the receptionist. "What are you laughing at?" he asked. "There's a big black smudge on your face." "Oh, that. You see, I saw my wife off on a month's vacation this morning. I took her to the station and kissed her goodbye." "Is that what caused the smudge?" "Not exactly. As soon as she got on board, I ran up and kissed the engine," -------- When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic, working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, 'It's open!" His reply? "I know, I already got that side. " -------- A redneck felt sick and decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him. Then he advised, "I can't seem to find the problem, but I think it has something to do with alcohol." "Well," said the redneck, "then I'll come back when you're sober." -------- As I was trying to pack for vacation, my three-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing in the bedroom. At one point, she invited, "Mommy, look at this," and she stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out, stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy's gonna eat your fingers!" -- pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I asked, "What's wrong honey?" She replied, "Mommy, where's my boogers?" -------- As Cassie was getting ready for her vacation, she had always wanted to travel abroad. She had saved her money for several years, and finally had enough for her 'dream vacation.' Until now, she'd never even been out of the country, only having gone to the Grand Canyon, via Florida, which of course, requires no passport. So naturally, she needed a passport. She went to the US Passport Office and asked what she needed to do to get a passport. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." Cassie raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" Cassie's face turned pale! Her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "What.... all on my own?" -------- By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked. "I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game." "How long could that have taken you?" "Well, I had to toss it 14 times." -------- A blonde goes into a library and tells girl at desk, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor." The librarian replies, "This is a library." So the blonde lowers her voice and iterates, "Oh sorry!" Then blondie whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor." -------- Two blondes were filling up at a gas station and the first blonde says to the second, "I bet these awful gas prices are going to go even higher." The second blonde replies, "Won't affect me, I always put in just $10 worth." -------- One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers." "Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit." "Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole." -------- Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?" -------- A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her blonde friend from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Buffy," she said, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Ten," said Buffy. So the blonde bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 2 rolls leftover. "Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 2 leftover!" "Yes," said Buffy. "So did I." -------- A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail. Our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart. The neighbor then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one. -------- A blonde met her friend for lunch, but her tooth hurt so much she couldn't eat. Her friend convinced her to see a dentist. She called, set up an appointment for the following Monday, and followed through on it. The next week, they had lunch again. "So? Does your tooth still hurt?" The blonde replied, "I don't know. The dentist kept it." -------- Two blondes were waiting at a bus shelter. When the bus came, one leaned in and asked the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?" The driver shook his head. "No, ma'am. I'm sorry." Then the other blonde leaned in and asked him, "Will it take me there?" -------- A blonde asks a guy on the street, "What time is it?" "It's 4:45." The blonde gets a puzzled look and says, "'know, it's the weirdest thing ... I've been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer." -------- A blonde is on board a small two-seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane, she grabs the radio. "Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!" Ground control received her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position." "I'm 5 foot 2' and sitting in the front seat." After a few seconds, the man at ground control replied, "Repeat after me. 'Our Father, which art in Heaven.." --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >Teacher Chips ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching Prospect said: "Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their Every waking moment with a love for learning." And I'm supposed to Instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive Behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt Messages and dress habits. You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, Check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their Self-esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, And fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a Checkbook, and how to apply for a job. I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, Recognize signs of antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of Recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage Respect for their elders and future employers. And I am to communicate regularly with the parents By letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few Books, a bulletin board, and a big smile AND on a starting salary that Qualifies my family for food stamps! You want me to do all of this, and you expect me NOT TO PRAY?" - Unknown Teacher --- ...LOL! Thanks Karen! They get paid much better now than they used to! When I was a teacher's aide for first grade back in the 70's, I was paid 75 cents an hour! It wasn't even close to the $1.60 minimum wage back then, but they said it was because I was a public employee that I was paid accordingly. They've corrected that for public service now! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: I am reminded of the scene in the movie 'Idiocracy' when Joe (played by Luke Wilson) is being sent to jail. He walks up to a guard and tells him that he is in the wrong line because he is supposed to be getting OUT of jail, not going to jail. The level of stupidity in today's story makes me think the future portrayed in 'Idiocracy' is closer than we realize. A woman managed to free herself from jail after posing as her cellmate who was released on her own recognizance, police in South Carolina said. The Berkeley County Sheriff's Office said that 31-year-old Jessica Davis posed as 25-year-old Chanda Davis, who was charged with shoplifting. Jessica Davis was taken to a judge who released her on her own recognizance, believing that she was Chanda Davis. The court and officers did not check her identity, and Jessica Davis was released. Jessica Davis was also arrested for shoplifting, but she had an outstanding shoplifting charge and wasn't eligible to be released on her own recognizance. When officers realized their error, Jessica was eventually recaptured. Police launched an investigation as to why Jessica Davis' identity was not checked before she was released. The officers who were involved in her release, claimed that the two women looked similar. *-- Cemeteries in Moscow to offer free Wi-Fi in 2016 --* MOSCOW - Moscow's government has decided to provide free Wi-Fi services at certain funeral homes in 2016. The service is set to launch in the first half of 2016 and come to cemeteries in Vagankovskoye, Troyekurovskoye and Novodevichy. Artem Ekimov of Ritual funeral home in Moscow explained that Internet access can make certain needs, such as navigating the funeral grounds, easier. "Online every person interested in the identity of the buried or the monument of his grave will be able to obtain the necessary information in the network," he said. "In addition, the internet will allow you to download a map of the cemetery." Cemeteries in Novodevichy and Vagankovskoye had previously been equipped with terminals that allowed visitors to search for the GPS coordinates of certain graves. -<>- This man should have said, 'Yes' to Jesus and no to taking off all his clothes and getting in a car with three women after drinking 12 beers, but this is Florida where laws are treated more like suggestions than anything else. The Florida Highway Patrol says 33-year-old Noe Dejesus was going 110 miles an hour and driving drunk with three female passengers. Troopers in Collier County say, at 3 in the afternoon Saturday, they started getting calls about a man driving recklessly. When a trooper stopped the car, FHP says the trooper noticed the driver was shirtless and there was an open 12-pack of Corona. The trooper asked Dejesus to get out and saw he was completely naked and allegedly smelled of alcohol and slurred his speech. Dejesus, is now facing charges of DUI and driving without a license. He was released after posting $6,000 bond. Arrest records show he has a history of drug, gun, and theft arrests, as well as knowing how to have one heck of a time. *-- Police: Drunk driver in New Jersey was searching for New Jersey --* JERSEY CITY, N.J. - Police said a woman searching for New Jersey didn't realize she was already in the state because of her other state -- intoxication. Port Authority police said an officer approached Karol Andino, 31, after she stopped her 2000 Volkswagen Beetle near the entrance to the Holland Tunnel in Jersey City around 2:30 a.m. Saturday and got out of the vehicle. The department said Andino repeatedly told the officer she was "looking for New Jersey," despite being assured that she was already in the Garden State. The officer determined Andino's eyes were red and watery and the suspect admitted she "had a few drinks" before driving. A Breathalyzer test indicated Andino's blood alcohol content was .25 -- more than three times the .08 legal limit for driving. Andino was charged with driving while intoxicated and careless driving. *-- Toronto Catholic school temporarily bans the game of tag for fear of injuries --* TORONTO - An elementary school in Toronto has placed a temporary ban on tag and other games after several students suffered injuries. A spokesperson for the Toronto Catholic District School Board confirmed that tag and other games involving physical contact were no longer allowed at St. Luke Catholic School as of November. Spokesperson Jon W. Yan cited "a number of injuries" including scrapes, bruises, sprains and in one case a fractured leg. Yan went on to say that the majority of the injuries stemmed from students playing a more aggressive version of tag. "The game of tag they were playing was getting overly physical and rough," he said, according to the Toronto Star. "It was tag -- but it was a rough form of tag." The school has also been enrolled in Canada's Playground Activity Leaders in Schools or PALS program, which instructs students and administrators on safe playground behavior. One parent questioned the practice on Twitter writing, "So tag and soccer are unsafe activities? What happened to allowing kids to play?" School board trustee Jo-Ann Davis insisted that "nothing is banned" and stated that the school's principal was simply trying to ensure the safety of the students. Physical activities currently allowed at St. Luke include "ball tag" and soccer although students below seventh grade must use a softer ball. *-- Police: Man caught snorting cocaine during traffic stop --* SEATTLE - Seattle police said a 73-year-old arrested for snorting cocaine during a traffic stop was nearly released due to his clean driving record. The Seattle Police Department said in a blog post Officer Nic Abts-Olsen pulled a vehicle over for driving without headlights after dark about 8:30 p.m. Tuesday in the Coleman neighborhood. The traffic stop was recorded by the officer's dashboard camera and the department posted the footage to YouTube. Abts-Olsen checked the license and registration given to him by the 73-year-old motorist and was planning to release the man due to his spotless driving record, but when he returned to the Toyota he saw the man scooping cocaine out of a small glass vial. The officer knocked on the motorist's window, apparently startling the elderly man and causing him to spill the white powder onto his hands and the floor of the vehicle. "Are you kidding?" the police blog post quotes Abts-Olsen as saying to the driver. The driver initially claimed he had only "vitamins" in the car, but eventually admitted the substance was cocaine. The suspect "complimented Officer Abts-Olsen on his keen detection skills and admitted that snorting cocaine in the middle of a traffic stop was, perhaps, a poor decision," the blog post reads. "Please abstain from using cocaine, especially during a traffic stop," police said in the YouTube video. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ('( \ \ " Help !!! Alligator...." d@b | | @@@@' | ('( Y@P `--.. \ `--' .' `. `---....__/ | / . \ /^^^^\ / .'\ \ /^^\________/0 \ \ \ \ \ ( `~+++,,_____,,++~^^^^ -unknown- \ \ \__\ ...V^V^V^V^V^V^\............................ _`--` `--' Allen Mulle >Jokes Florida woman stops alligator attack with a small Beretta pistol This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial. Here is her story in her own words:"While out walking along the edge of a pond along the Pelican Bay berm with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water, and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's kneecap was all it took. The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible!" -<>- Count every "F" in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS..... (SEE BELOW) HOW MANY 'F's? Count them again. WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go back and try to find the 6 'F's before you scroll down. The reasoning behind this is further down. The brain cannot process "OF". *F*INISHED *F*ILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS..... Incredible or what? Anyone who counts all 6 'F's on the first go is a genius. [or saw this before] It is your turn to see how many of your friends belong in an old age home! Three is normal, four is quite rare. Send this to your (older!) friends. It will drive them crazy.... And keep them occupied For several minutes..! -<>- | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` AN AIRPLANE WAS ABOUT TO CRASH; THERE WERE 5 PASSENGERS ON BOARD, BUT ONLY 4 PARACHUTES. THE FIRST PASSENGER, HOLLY MADISON SAID, "I HAVE MY OWN REALITY SHOW AND I AM THE SMARTEST AND PRETTIEST WOMAN AT PLAYBOY, SO AMERICANS DON'T WANT ME TO DIE."SHE TOOK THE FIRST PACK AND JUMPED OUT OF THE PLANE. THE SECOND PASSENGER, JOHN MCCAIN , SAID, "I'M A SENATOR, AND A DECORATED WAR HERO FROM AN ELITE NAVY UNIT FROM THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA." SO HE GRABBED THE SECOND PACK AND JUMPED. THE THIRD PASSENGER, BARACK OBAMA SAID, "I AM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND I AM THE SMARTEST EVER IN THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY, SOME EVEN CALL ME THE ANOINTED ONE'. SO HE GRABBED THE PACK NEXT TO HIM AND JUMPED OUT. THE FOURTH PASSENGER, BILLY GRAHAM, SAID TO THE FIFTH PASSENGER, A 10-YEAR-OLD SCHOOLGIRL, "I HAVE LIVED A FULL LIFE AND SERVED MY GOD THE BEST I COULD. I WILL SACRIFICE MY LIFE AND LET YOU HAVE THE LAST PARACHUTE. "THE LITTLE GIRL SAID, "THAT'S OKAY, MR. GRAHAM. THERE'S A PARACHUTE LEFT FOR YOU. AMERICA'S SMARTEST PRESIDENT TOOK MY SCHOOLBAG." I'll bet a dime that you share this one !! --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-'''''-. |'-----'| /`-.....-`\ | <_} | | .-\-. | _,._ | /# ` \ | __.-` `"""-. | \ / | ..--' `"-. `)_,._ \ '-'-' / (` )--.-"``` `"-.`'-----'` '-----------' ( ) jgs `-------------` I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. -<>- My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, "Someday, you're going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom's basement playing video games all day!" His reply: "I can only dream." -<>- A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack between the open doors and the floor. I felt terrible for her. Or I did until she cried, "Oh no! Not again!" -<>- Heading down the interstate, our car passed through a huge swarm of gnats so dense that their bodies made popping noises as they hit the windshield. "I can't get over how loud they are," my wife said. "Well, we are hitting them at 65 miles an hour," I pointed out. Her reply left me speechless. "There's no way bugs can fly that fast!" -<>- My sister and I were out on the town one night when we ran into a man I knew. "You're sisters?" he asked incredulously. "You look nothing alike. Pointing to her nose and my chin, my sister said, "Different plastic surgeons." -<>- As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset." She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference." -<>- Think you're a genius? Take the below quiz. Passing requires 4 correct answers. 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get cat-gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? All done, genius? Check your answers below. 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years 2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October revolution? November 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs 7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert. 8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson. 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand. -<>- A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'" The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." -<>- A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?" "Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby." -<>- SOMETIMES... Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME! . z$$$$$e. .$$$$$$$$$c -r d $$$$$$$$$$$. *c. 'L 4$$$$$$$$$$$F 4c "*e. "%c ^$$$$$$$$$$$F "b ^b "* *$$$$$$$$$$ .. P $ J" ^*$$$$$$$$\e$$$e. d" .F z" "*$$$P".$$$$$$$c d% J" .d" .P $$$$$$$$$$e. $ P z*" .d" $$$$$$$$$$$$b. ^*ee... " zP" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$ee.. ^""* .d" .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$eee......eeedec. e* .ze z$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b. .P" .z@*" z$$$$$""*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c ^ eP"" d$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ " .d$$$$P" ^"*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ****$eee .$$$$$* ^"$$$$$$$$$$*$$$$$$$$$$$" ec. .z$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$*" ""**ec. .zed$$$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$*" "" .d$$$$$$$P" .d$$$$$$$*" z$$$$$$$$" .$$$$$$$*" d$$$$$*" z$$$$" .$$$$$ Gilo94' ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Melinda :) ( ) ..? ... ( RINGGGGg! ) ....! .. ( ) O ..((( __/ o. \\\ \ OK?... \ ~ ~ __ Good bye. ( >_ \ __/ | -_/ \__| \__| >A TOUCHING CHRISTMAS STORY A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. Walking through the mall the surprised wife look up and noticed her husband was no where around and she was very upset because they had a lot to do. She used her cell phone to call her husband because she was so upset to ask him where he was. The husband in a calm voice said, honey remember the jewelry store we went into 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day. His wife said crying, yes I remember that jewelry store. He said, well I'm in the bar next to it. --- ...Oh Gee! Thanks Melinda! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) _ ,io> /s~ .,a^ ,-'~~`+\#' .: cOMMOo |. _. :| tWWWMf ;; _ ,'~ `,_~~~~_:' ,io> __,---,_ ; ~~~~ /s~ /~~\ /~ _~'\ ,a^ | `._.' /~~ | ,-'~~`\d#' `\._ | | .: .'~~`.`|. ~: `\.__,-' _. :| : ; ;; _.' ,'~ `,_`--'_:' __,---,_ ; ~~~~ /~~\ /~ _~'\ | `._.' /~~ | `\._ | | ~: `\.__,-' _.' - a:f - An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. 'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.' The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?' 'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.' For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.' Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path! And send this to any or all of your Cracked Pot friends within 5 minutes and see what happens! Don't forget the Cracked Pot that sent it to you!! --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! Yeppers, I may be cracked or a little bent, but I'm not broken! Even God says we are unique... Tit.2: [14] Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. 1Pet.2: [9] But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light: Here's the meaning... adjective: peculiar: strange or odd; unusual. synonyms: strange, unusual, odd, funny, curious, bizarre, weird, unique, unexpected, unfamiliar, abnormal, atypical, anomalous, out of the ordinary; exceptional, extraordinary, remarkable; That's us born-again Christians - God said so! :) ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) \ \ ` / / ' \ ` \ ` ' / / ` ' \ . * * * * * . / ` \ ` * * * * * * * * * / \ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ' \ ` @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ / \ ` * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ' / ` @ @ @ @ * '@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ \ * * * * * * * * * * * * * ' ` @ @ @ @ @ Come @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ / * * * ** sit under the * * * * * * * * \ ` @ @ @ @ @ rainbow & 'smile @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ ' * * * * * with me... * * * * * * * * / ` @ @ @ @ @ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ . >Life's Rainbow Did you ever stop to think How fortunate are we To have such gracious beauty For all of us to see? We see it every morning In a glorious rising sun We see it in the moon at night When at last the day is done. We see it in bright colors Of lovely fragrant flowers We see it in a rainbow After sweet and gentle showers. We see it in a snowfall Soft and pristine white It puts a glow on everything And fills us with delight. We are blessed with all this beauty And it's given to us free So open up your eyes and look We're so lucky...you and me. ~ Charlotte Anselmo ~ --- ...Love Rainbows! Awesome blessing from God! Thanks Fran! -<>- ______________ /_=_________=_/| | ..... || || | ::::::: || || | ::::::: ||__|| |___'_'''__|/__|/ / ,-''''-. _/ /|`. /_ `_--_-'__"_ / | \ ,, | U U | / ) \/ jrei |______________|/ `--.__,' >The Land That Made Me, Me - A Classic Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot, Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot. There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me, For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born, Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn. We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince, Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since. We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee' And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me. Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many, And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney. And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see, A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me. We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice, And when they made a movie, they never made it twice. We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three, Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me. Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp, And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp. We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T, And Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me. We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go, At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe. For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be, And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me. We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead, And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson , and Zeppelins were not Led. And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees, Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me, Me. We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars, And babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars. And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free, And dorms were never co-Ed in the Land That Made Me, Me. We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag, And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag. And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea, And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me. T-Birds came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks, And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks. And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee, And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me. We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues, We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea, Or prime-time ads for those dysfunctions in the Land That Made Me, Me. There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill, And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill. And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three, And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me. But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say, And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A. They send us invitations to join AARP, We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me, Me. So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans, And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines. And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be, Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me. -Unknown If you didn't grow up in the fifties, you missed the greatest time in history. Hope you enjoyed this read as much as I did. --- ...Aww, yes! Way back when! Great Poem! Thanks Fran! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) FULL Christmas Index http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasindex.html Word Phrases/Origins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html Easy Does It Recipes and DESSERTS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html My How You've Grown! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grown.html Matteo And The Marmots! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/marmots.html 50's Concept Car! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/conceptcars.html 100 Years Ago! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/yearsago.html Ford's First RV! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firstrv.html Amazing Cop Cars 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Adorable Baby Elephants! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyelephants.html Amazon Warehouses! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazoncenter.html Nostalgic Golden Memories! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goldenoldie.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us ones we have here... City That Time Forgot http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html Chalk Art 9! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart9.html Chicago 1948 http://tinyurl.com/qhjmok8 Seven Percent In times of confusion... In times when you are running out of choices... Be reminded of one thing: https://www.youtube.com/embed/ko_VSKn1DAE --- ...Sweet! Love these! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Enjoy a good chuckle, too bad comedy these days isn't funny like this. http://1funny.com/the-bar-brain-surgeon/ --- ...HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Melinda :) 20 Brilliant Tips to Never Have Spoiled Food Again http://tinyurl.com/p29aepg Sad Truth Behind Tim Tebow's Split With Miss Universe Can't Be Ignored Anymore http://tinyurl.com/jj4ar2k Do You Hear What I Hear? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIQQDYaoWpc&feature=em-share_video_user --- ...Aww, One of my all time favs! Thanks Melinda! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Gunther Holtorf'S 23 Year Road Trip : Video Clips http://tinyurl.com/zdnocdu Le Gasp! Henri Meets a Dog. | The Animal Rescue Site Blog http://tinyurl.com/jrw7cgk STV Scotland - The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards perform at Edinburgh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjYnddeEfao Mom downsizes for incredibly small house http://tinyurl.com/jzlvvqj This Table Looks Normal At First. But When You Look Closer, You’ll Be Shocked! WOW! http://tinyurl.com/hymw3ec --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Melody! When I was a kid, I made my own out of a cardboard box and my mom gave me scraps of material for my curtains. My 'base boards and wood trim' were lines drawn by a dark brown marker my mom let me use. But that, of course, was back when us kids had next to no toys compared to today's kids! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) When this group of young people stepped out on to the stage, nobody could have expected such a daring display of power and grace. The athletic troupe have gone on to perform all over the world since they announced their amazing talents with this fantastic routine that is bound to make your jaw drop. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=49cU7gtPIzM An entertaining look at Puppies And Kittens In Mirrors and how they react to seeing another puppy or kitty in the mirror. The puppies seem to welcome the chance to play with another dog that looks remarkably like themselves. The cats however, get all worked up and don’t appear to be that friendly to seeing another cat that resembles them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4dmkRsBm5ww Justin Willman is a world-famous magician who's been on "Ellen" and "Conan." But his most famous magic trick might be this one at his own wedding. During his first dance, he and his new bride turn the tables and she becomes the magician. Enjoy this viral video to see the cool trick. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLTTrpYb6OA&feature=player_embedded Is this even a magic trick? Or is David Blaine really doing what he appears to be doing to his own hand? Will Smith, Kanye West, Woody Harrelson and Bryan Cranston can't tell you. They're still trying to pick their jaws off the ground. Watch the magic trick that blew their minds in this insane video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8uuAK6gba8&feature=player_embedded ...OooWeee! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us ones we have here... Miniature Wonderland! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html Humorous Signs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns.html --- ...LOL! These are great! Thanks Geniann! For dog lovers everywhere. Notice the camera shaking because the owner is laughing so hard. She lives next door to a mosque. She bought a husky. He is very nice and does not bite. She is now getting complaints from the imam next door. She doesn't know why? https://www.youtube.com/embed/Vogp-n1-JPA --- ...LMAO! A good one Thanks Geniann! Reminds me of my late Frisky border collie. Paul would howl with him every time I would leave home. So funny! When you marry an Italian... http://safeshare.tv/v/ss564899c87c19e --- ...Whoa! Wasn't expecting that! Thanks Geniann! Great photos and great military humor; A lot of life's problems can be explained by the application of the common sense from these recently declassified military secrets. http://www.doyletics.com/tidbits/militaryadvice.pdf Taking a bite out of crime Man`s best friend!...............Gooooood Boy! https://www.facebook.com/bluematters/videos/438362979689815/?fref=nf --- ...AWESOME! Blue Lives MATTER! Love it! Thanks Geniann! We need to provide vests for all our brave dogs in blue! http://projectpawsalive.org/ ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "United Airlines announced they are bringing back free snacks for the first time since 2008. Unfortunately, the snacks are also from 2008." -Conan O'Brien "Russia is planning to build a base on the moon where astronauts will live permanently. When asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless landscape, the Russians said, 'No, that's why we want to go to the moon.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A California man miraculously escaped unharmed when he went through two compaction cycles in a garbage truck after sleeping in a trash can. When asked how he's doing, he said, 'Not that great. I sleep in a trash can.'" -Seth Meyers "Experts in Israel are trying to re-create a wine used in the time of Jesus. Apparently, all they need is some water and Jesus." -Conan O'Brien "Amazon just unveiled new prototype drones for its Prime Air delivery service, and it said it hopes to deliver packages in under 30 minutes. Then people waiting to depart from LaGuardia were like, 'How much weight can they hold? I'll try it.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Some parenting experts are suggesting that the holiday tradition of the elf on the shelf may actually be harmful to children. So instead just take them to the mall and let them sit on a weird old dude's lap." -Seth Meyers "A new study found that humans started wearing clothes about 170,000 years ago. In fact, the first sentence ever spoken was, 'Me look fat in this?'" -Jimmy Fallon "Cyber Monday is a day that every store online puts every- thing on sale. It's basically Black Friday for people too lazy to put on pants." -Jimmy Kimmel "President Obama told Congress it must raise our debt limit because the U.S. 'is not a deadbeat nation.' Then the president added, 'By the way, if China calls, I'm not here.'" -Conan O'Brien "Apple announced a plan to create 1,000 new jobs in Ireland. Irish people were excited, until Apple told them, 'It's a Genius Bar, not a Guinness Bar.'" -Conan O'Brien "We all know being an adult is hard. When you were a kid, having your mom around made things a lot easier. Which is why one woman in Brooklyn is offering her services for $40 an hour as a rent-a-mom - sewing buttons on your shirts, baking your favorite dessert, and calling you at 6 a.m. on a Saturday because she can't remember how to set the DVR. It's got to be uncomfortable when your real mom notices all your shirts are ironed and your bed is made and goes, 'Wait a minute...have you been seeing other moms?'" -James Corden "According to a new study, there have been more deaths this year from selfie-related incidents than there have been from shark attacks. Good." -Seth Meyers "Bud Light has created a new device that alerts you when the beer supply in your fridge is running low. The device is known as your roommate Chad." -Conan O'Brien "There's been a lot of discussion lately about comfort animals. A few months ago, a woman on a US Airways flight was kicked off the plane when her emotional support pig refused to stop squealing and defecated in the cabin. The truth is, they already make a pig that comforts you. It's called bacon." -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************