Teaching Math And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ _,_ .#####. (#######) Need to Squirrel Away for Winter! |:. `| \:: / jgs '._.' *~* WE NEED MORE 2009 CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) , }`-. , , \ \ '-' \ .-'{ _} . | ,`\ / ' ; .-;\ { \ | | / `/ '-.,/ ; | { -- -. ' '`-, .--._.' ; \__ \ \ | ' / |`. ; _,`\ '. '- ' `_- '.`; ; ,-`_.-' ,--. \ ` /` '--' `;.` (` _ .--.\ '._) '-. \ \ `-. ; `-';| '. -. ' __ '. ; ; _,-' / { __'.\ ' '-,/; `-' ';`.- ` .-' '-. `-._' | `; ;`' .-'` <_ -' ` .\ `; ; (_.'`\ _.;-"``"'-._'. `:; ___, _.-' | .-'\'. '.` \ \_,_`\ ;##` `'; _.' /_'._\ \ \__;#####./###. \` \.' .'`/"`/ (#######)###::.. _.' '.' .' ; , |:. `|()##`"""` jgs `'-../__/_\:: /O()()o ()'._.'`()()' We've had an Awesome month of Caring And Sharing Last Month! If You haven't already, Please be sure to Visit And Share all our New Pages: Strange Hotels! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotel.html Tricks For Treats 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats3.html Until We Write Again! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/write.html God's Water Paints! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/water.html Human Chameleon! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chameleon.html Strange Tombstones! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tombstones.html Playing With Food! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food.html The Last Day! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lastday.html Garbage Camper! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garbage.html Old Barns! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html Halloween Cakes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hcakes.html *~* God's Most Abundant Blessings To All Our Contributors!!! ============================================================== >-->From FunnyBone: Beaker of Cat's Urine ______ (______) | | Instructions on how to Collect a Beaker of Cat's Urine | | | | 1. Treat the beaker like your most prized possession. | | | | 2. Solemnly intone the word "no" every time the cat |`--'| approaches the beaker. | | __.--------.,__ | | 3. After completing steps #1 \ `--------'|_ \ | | and #2, leave the cat alone \ ===| || | | with the beaker for thirty | ===| || | | seconds. |._____===|_|| | | | ===|__/ jgs | | jgs | ===| `.__.' `---------' ======================================================================== +————– Bizarre November Holidays —————-+ November 1 is Plan Your Epitaph Day November 2 is National Deviled Egg Day November 3 is Sandwich Day and Housewife’s Day November 4 is Waiting For The Barbarians Day November 5 is Gunpowder Day November 6 is Saxophone Day and Marooned Without A Compass Day November 7 is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day November 8 is Dunce Day November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day =============================================================== >-->A Correction From Our Friend Bill :) Bill writes: On the site http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/herotruck.html The truck is actually a 1999 Chevy 4X4 with a Cadillac front clip. It is not a ford. -Bill --- ...I verified this, corrected it and added Bill's name along with our original contibutor Fig at the bottom of the page. Please bless Bill by checking out his web site here: Defend USA http://www.defendusa.org A very nice site! Thank You Bill! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Viv :) [POLITICS] HOW TO SOLVE OBAMA CARE: YES ============================= NO +-----------|| Does the Darn Thing work? ||-----------+ | ============================= | V V +----------+ +---------+ +---------+ | Don't | NO | Does | +-------+ YES | Did you | | mess | +---| anyone |<------| YOU |<---------| mess | | with it! | | | know? | | MORON | | with it | +----------+ | +---------+ +-------+ +---------+ | V | YES | NO | +------+ +-----------+ | | | HIDE | V V | | IT | +--------+ +-----------+ | +------+ | YOU | YES | WILL THEY | | | +------->| POOR |<------------| CATCH YOU?| | | | | BUM! | +-----------+ | | | |________| | NO | | | | | | | | V V | | | +---------------+ +-----------+ | | | NO | CAN YOU BLAME | |DESTROY THE| | | +------| SOMEONE ELSE? | | EVIDENCE | | | +---------------+ +-----------+ | | | YES | | | v | | | ============================ | | +---->|| N O ||<---------+ +------------>|| P R O B L E M || ============================ unknown FOX NEWS DID IT!! >JOE LEGAL vs. JOSE ILLEGAL You have two families: "Joe Legal" and "Jose Illegal". Both families have two parents, two children, and live in California . Joe Legal works in construction, has a Social Security Number and makes $25.00 per hour with taxes deducted. Jose Illegal also works in construction, has NO Social Security Number, and gets paid $15.00 cash "under the table". Ready? Now pay attention... Joe Legal: $25.00 per hour x 40 hours = $1000.00 per week, or $52,000.00 per year. Now take 30% away for state and federal tax; Joe Legal now has $31,231.00. Jose Illegal: $15.00 per hour x 40 hours = $600.00 per week, or $31,200.00 per year. Jose Illegal pays no taxes. Jose Illegal now has $31,200.00. Joe Legal pays medical and dental insurance with limited coverage for his family at $600.00 per month, or $7,200.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $24,031.00. Jose Illegal has full medical and dental coverage through the state and local clinics at a cost of $0.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00. Joe Legal makes too much money and is not eligible for food stamps or welfare. Joe Legal pays $500.00 per month for food, or $6,000.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $18,031.00. Jose Illegal has no documented income and is eligible for food stamps and welfare. Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00. Joe Legal pays rent of $1,200.00 per month, or $14,400.00 per year. Joe Legal now has $9,631.00. Jose Illegal receives a $500.00 per month federal rent subsidy. Jose Illegal pays out that $500.00 per month, or $6,000.00 per year. Jose Illegal still has $ 31,200.00. Joe Legal pays $200.00 per month, or $2,400.00 for insurance. Joe Legal now has $7,231.00. Jose Illegal says, "We don't need no stinkin' insurance!" and still has $31,200.00. Joe Legal has to make his $7,231.00 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, etc. Jose Illegal has to make his $31,200.00 stretch to pay utilities, gasoline, and what he sends out of the country every month. Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after work. Jose Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family. Joe Legal's and Jose Illegal's children both attend the same school. Joe Legal pays for his children's lunches while Jose Illegal's children get a government sponsored lunch. Jose Illegal's children have an after school ESL program. Joe Legal's children go home. Joe Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy the same police and fire services, but Joe paid for them and Jose did not pay. Do you get it, now? If you vote for or support any politician that supports illegal aliens... You are part of the problem! It's way PAST time to take a stand for America and Americans! --- ...Wowsers! Thank You Viv! Awesome demonstration. Though I think their pay per hour is high it still tells it like it is. My brother in Texas is close to the border. He tells me it is amazing to see all that our country does for illegals and even many green card holders verses our own citizens. He says they are eligible for every single government handout. Especially if they have kids. He says he has seen time and time again the men take off to make it look like their wives and children are on their own so the family can get more freebies. They sneak back into their homes late at night and then leave real early in the morning. It makes him jealous because he has to pay for all his stuff while only earning slightly above minimum wage. Employers there won't pay more because they can get illegals and green card workers willing to do the work for minimum wage or less. So he has worked at the same place for years with mostly no pay increases or vacations and lately only a lessening of benefits due to the poor economy. He is thankful he was finally able to retire spring of this year so he won't have to deal with the garbage of it any more! They wanted him to stay longer but he refused. We need to address this proplem and quit treating non-citizens better then our own hard working, law abiding citizens! -<>- [POLITICS] >A Robot Joke... ,--. ,--. ((O ))--((O )) ,'_`--'____`--'_`. _: ____________ :_ | | ||::::::::::|| | | | | ||::::::::::|| | | | | ||::::::::::|| | | |_| |/__________\| |_| |________________| __..-' `-..__ .-| : .----------------. : |-. ,\ || | |\______________/| | || /. /`.\:| | || __ __ __ || | |;/,'\ :`-._\;.| || '--''--''--' || |,:/_.-': | : | || .----------. || | : | | | | || '----SSt---' || | | | | | | || _ _ _ || | | | :,--.; | || (_) (_) (_) || | :,--.; (`-'|) | ||______________|| | (|`-') `--' | |/______________\| | `--' |____________________| `.________________,' (_______)(_______) (_______)(_______) (_______)(_______) (_______)(_______) | || | '--------''--------' A Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168". The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?" --- ...Oh No! LOL! Thanks Viv! -<>- >FOX News Legit - Or Not? Cast a vote, it only takes a second or two, like the media or not the constitution allows for dissent and their right to report. The White House is accusing Fox News of not being a legitimate source of news, calling them biased, etc. They have tried to block Fox reporters from news conferences, etc., but the other news networks are fighting back (in favor of Fox) and caused the White House to back down. NPR has put a survey online for us to voice our opinion. If you want to vote in this survey, go to the link below and cast your vote. Currently it is 80% in favor of Fox. http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2009/10/in_white_house_vs_fox_news_war.html AND THEN PASS IT ON SO YOUR FRIENDS CAN VOTE ALSO!!!!! --- ...Cool! Thanks Viv! It is up to 84% in favor of Fox News now. I don't think it is smart for the WH to bash a News network that is so strong in viewers as FNC is. That is just not good politics! About as stupid as calling the Tea Party protesters astro turf and not legitimate! Very offensive to those who were just trying to be part of the whole system by giving their representatives their view points so they could better represent them - that s what a democracy is supposed to be all about! Just not good WH politics. They are showing their immaturity! -<>- >REALLY NEAT JESUS CARTOON I Added this to our group photos here: http://tinyurl.com/qy8pjy --- ...Excellent! Thank You Viv! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: >From GrassFire: _ __ ____________ ,-----' | _ <'__`) ,' `. | // : | -' )= \\ ____/ Boring... \ | // : | --- \-_;` `-. boring... | | // : | -._ |\`\ | BOOOOring... | `-----._| __ // ( \| | (What's it | _/___\_ //)_`// | ||] \ mean anyway?) / _____[_______]_[~~-_ (.L_/ || `.____________,' [____________________]' `\_,/'/ ||| / ||| ,___,'./ ||| \ |||,'______| ||| / /|| I==|| ||| \ __/_|| __||__ -----||-/------`-._/||-o--o---o--- ~~~~~' The Wall Street Journal is calling Nancy Pelosi's 1,990-page government takeover of healthcare the "worst piece of post-New Deal legislation ever introduced." The Journal says it will create an "unrepealable middle class entitlement" that will cause taxes to "rise precipitously" and will result in "all medicine" being "rationed via politics." The CBO cost estimate is coming in at $1.055 trillion and that's just scratching the surface. The Journal says "ObamaCare will be lucky to cost under $2 trillion over 10 years; it will grow more after that." Go here to access Wall Street Journal's excellent analysis of what it calls the "worst bill ever": http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?U=22654&CID=122&RID=21663999 + + Bill loaded with taxes, fines, penalties and regulations In case there was any doubt left that ObamaCare is a massive, tax-increasing power grab, consider what our Grassfire research team unearthed about the words used in Pelosi's bill: --181 instances of "penalty" or "penalties" --214 times "taxes" or "tax" is recorded --82 usages of "fee" and "fees" …A total of 486 times any form of the words penalty, surcharge, tax, fine or fee are used! --422 instances of "require," "requires" or "required" --78 times the words "obligation" or "obligaated" occur --219 usages of "regulation(s)" --106 times "impose, imposed or imposes" aree used …A total of 609 times any form of the words impose, require, mandate, obligation, license or regulation are used + + Pelosi promising vote by as soon as Thursday We are now bracing for a floor vote in the House as soon as Thursday or Friday. That means we have just a few days to get our message through loud and clear. + + Action #1 -- Hand-deliver your message directly to Congress Grassfire has already delivered over 100,000 personal letters from citizens across the country to key members of Congress -- in just the past week. This is the best way to make sure your message gets personally delivered to your two Senators, your Representative and other key members of Congress. This is especially crucial this week. Please go here right now to schedule your messages to be personally hand-delivered: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?U=22655&CID=122&RID=21663999 Each day's orders are delivered the next day, so please take a moment right now to schedule your hand-delivery. + + Action 2 -- Help flood Congress with petitions, phone calls and other contacts all week long. In addition to the hand-delivered letters, Grassfire will also be hand-delivering each and every signed petition as part of a massive grassroots effort taking place this Thursday. Grassfire hopes to rally 1 million citizen contacts (petitions, faxes, phone calls, letters) this Thursday, coinciding with Rep. Michelle Bachmann's call to join her in walking the halls of Congress and make sure the voice of citizens is heard. Two ways you can help: #1 -- Ask your friends to sign the petition by going here: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=22661&PID=21663999 All petitions received by 6am Wednesday will be hand-delivered Thursday. #2 -- Call! Call! Call! Please call your two Senators and your Representative. If they do not receive hand-delivered letters and calls and other communications from constituents, they will assume you support ObamaCare! >From FreedomWorks: Urgent: Help us in the Battle Against Pelosi-Care! Please take action, using our online war room, http://cts.vresp.com/c/?FreedomWorks/3c9fdccf82/1a75badec3/c151da90d5 We will be delivering petitions and hand-written letters from activists like you to the House of Representatives all week. Make sure your voice is heard! -<>- >From BizarreNews: -– Microbrewery selling beer soap ————- CHICAGO – A Chicago microbrewery is branching its beer business into the bathroom with a soap that lists beer as its main ingredient. The Half Acre Beer Company said the beer soap, which sells for $6 a bar, is a hot item at the brewery store, with two-thirds of the stock sold in only 10 days, the Chicago Sun-Times reported Thursday. The soap was invented by Jim Gregory, 22, a senior at Indiana’s Hanover College. Gregory and his company, Grandma Gee’s, say “macronutrients” in the beer are good for the skin and hair. Gregory said the soap also contains lavender, bergamot and menthol to keep the yeasty smell of beer at bay. -— Police: Suspects disguised with marker ———- CARROLL, Iowa – Two men arrested for attempting to break into an apartment in an Iowa town had crudely painted their faces black with permanent marker, police say. Carroll police said a woman called 911 at 11:32 p.m. Friday to report two men trying to break into an apart- ment and officers soon after pulled over a car matching the description given by the woman, the Carroll Daily Times Herald reported Thursday. Police said Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, whose faces were blackened with permanent marker, were arrested without incident and charged with second-degree attempted burglary. McNelly was also charged with a count of driving while intoxicated. The men were released on bond Monday and are due in court for preliminary hearings Nov. 10. -– Somali man, 112, takes teen bride ———— GURICEEL, Somalia – Talk about your December-May marriage: A 112-year-old Somali man has taken a 17-year-old bride. Ahmed Muhamed Dore, who has 13 children by five previous wives, said he would like to have more offspring with his new wife, Safia Abdulleh, the BBC reported. After their wedding in Guriceel, Dore said, “God helped me realize my dream.” Abdulleh’s family said she was “happy with her new husband,” the British broadcaster said. The new couple are from the same village and Dore told the BBC he had waited for her to grow up before proposing to her. “I didn’t force her, but used my experience to convince her of my love; and then we agreed to marry,” he said. Dore’s oldest son is 80 and he has more than 100 grandchildren. Three of his wives have died. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >Alternative Medical Dictionary Artery - The study of paintings Barium - What Doctors do when patients die Caesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome Cauterize - Made eye contact with her Colic - A sheep dog D&C - Where Washington is Dilate - To live long Enema - Not a friend Fibula - A small lie Genital - Not a Jew Impotent - Distinguished, well known Labour Pain - Getting hurt at work Morbid - A higher offer Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates Node - Was aware of Outpatient - A person who has fainted Post-Operative - Letter carrier Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery Seizure - Roman Emperor Tablet - Small table Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport Urine - Opposite of 'you're out' --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Wesley! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) >Diamond Rio - In God We STILL Trust http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiYgpPB1kwU --- ...Beautiful song - Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- ___ _(((,| What's DNA?? / _-\\ / C o\o \ _/_ __\ \ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ / \ \___/ ) /--X--\ /--X--\ /--X--\ /-- | |\_|\ / /--/ \--\ /--/ \--\ /--/ \--\ /--/ | |# #|/ \__X__/ \__X__/ \__X__/ ( / | | |# # | | | #| | | #___n_,_ ,-/ 7-' . `\ `-\...\-_ - o / |# # `---U--' `-v-^-'\/ \ |_|_ Wny (___mnnm >45 Lessons That Life Teaches 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 12. It's OK to let your children see you cry. 13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it. 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks. 16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind... 17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. 19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. 24. The most important sex organ is the brain. 25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. 26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?' 27. Always choose life. 28. Forgive everyone everything. 29. What other people think of you is none of your business. 30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. 31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 33. Believe in miracles. 34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. 35. Don't audit life... Show up and make the most of it now. 36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. 37. Your children get only one childhood. 38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. 41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 42. The best is yet to come. 43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 44. Yield. 45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift." --- ...So True! Great Advice! Thanks Jo Ann! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :) __ __ __ \ \ / / ,'__`. \ ` / / / \ \ ___ | | \ \__/ / /:;'` |_| `.__,' :::\ _________ ;:::\ _.-'',' : `.``-._ _..::::::::.._ ,-'___ ; : : ___`-. `'::::::::::'' ,',',---`. : ,'---.`.`. _):::::(_ / /,'::::::\ ,^. /::::::`.\ \ |:::::::::: / ,`--...___/ /:::\ \___...--'. \ |:::::::::| / : : /_____\ : : \ ::::::::::: : : : : : : : ;::::::::::: | : : ___ : ___ : ; | ::::::::::::| | _:..-'_'.-.\__:__/,-.`_`-..:_ | ::::::::::::: : :.--'''::::::`---'::::::```--,; ; \:::::::::;' \ \\:::::::::::::::::::::::::// / :::::::::| \ \\:::___:::::::::::___:::// / |::::::::: \ `::|--:\:::::::::/;--|:;' / ;:::::::::\ `. `' \\_______// '' ,' ::::::::::::\ `-._`. ``-----'' ,'_.-' |::::::::::::: `-.._`.___,'_..-' ;::::::::::::| ____ _ _ __ __ ____ _ _ _ __ _ ::::::::::::::| | _ \ | | | || \ / || _ \ | |/ /| || \ | | |:::::::::::::| | |_) )| | | || . ` , || |_) )| ' / | || . \| | |:::::::::::::| | __/ | |_| || |\_/| || __/ | . \ | || |\ ' | |:::::::::::::: |_| `.___,'|_| |_||_| |_|\_\|_||_| \__| ;::::::::::::::\ _ _ _____ _ ____ ::::::::|\:::::::\ | | | || ___| / \ | _ \ |:::::::||\:::::::: | |_| || |_ / _ \ | | \ \ |:::::::|| :::::::| | _ || _|_ / ___ \ | |_/ / ::::::::|| |::::::; |_| |_||_____|/_/ \_\|____/ SSt `:::::;'' ::::::/ \::;' Halloween http://www.loratrue2000.com/poems/halloween.htm 3 tests to predict your heart risk - Heart health http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33018679/ns/health-heart_health/ -<>- >An ET-AHEM! Potato Prostitute Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner. One is a prostitute.. How can you tell which one is the prostitute? You're gonna love it... It's the one with the little sticker that says... I - DA - HO --- ...Oh No! -<>- >An ET-AHEM!! - CHINESE SICK LEAVE: Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come Work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come Work.' The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me some loving. That makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.' Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house' --- ...HEY! 'LOL' Thanks Maxy's Pal! ========================================================== >-->AN ET-AHEM! From Our Friend Sandi :) Just 'cause you need a laugh today, .___,_______,_____Happy_Halloween____. | ./( )\. | | | ) \/\_/\/ ( | | | `) (^Y^) (` \(|)/ | | `),-(~)-,(` --(")-- | | '"' \\ /`\ | | .-'```^```'-. , , | | / (\ __ /) \ )\___/( | | | ` \/ ` | {(@)v(@)} | | \ \____/ / {|~~~|} | | `'-.......-'` {/^^^\} | .___ldb______________________`m-m`___. >The Halloween Costume A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his Leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden Leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.. The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads: Dear Sir, We have TRIED our very BEST. Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your behind and go as a caramel apple. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. --- ...LOL - An Oldie but goodie - Thanks Sandi! ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: A guy shows up late for work his first day. The boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!" He replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?" -<>- Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, "What's good tonight?" Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband. He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95." -<>- A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge." -<>- /~\ /|o o|\ |<>\_/<>| \<>|<>/ \ ^ / | | | | | | ___ \/ \ \___/ _ \ || ,--------\____/-\ |----\\---, <-- - (o)-- - - | | --- - --> > - -- - -- | | -- -- < "----------------\ \--------" | | / / \/ unknown An herpetologist (snake expert) brought several snakes to show a class at the local community college. A young, brunette went up to him after the class to ask more about the snakes. She wanted to know if he had ever been bitten by a poisonous snake. He said "Yep, several times. Most recently a rattler bit me right here", and he showed the scar on his arm where the snake had sunk it's fangs. She looked at the man in awe and asked, "And you lived!?" He looked at her, surprised, then grinned and said "You're really a blonde, aren't you?" -<>- The boyfriend said, "We're going to have a GREAT time Saturday. I've got three tickets for the show." "Why do we need three?" asked the girl. "They're for your father, mother and kid sister," he replied. -<>- Rev up your engines and tell the crab grass to look out. The 12th annual "Mow Down Show Down Lawn Mower Campionship" was held in Avon Park, Florida earlier this year, bringing out the best and fastest in Lawnmower racing. It also brought out some colorful names. Entries included: Weedy Gonzales, Blading Saddles, Turfinator, Sodzilla and Mr. Mowjangles. [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- At 82 years old, my husband applied for his first passport. He was told he'd need a birth certificate, but his birth had never been officially registered. When he explained his dilemma to the passport agent, the response was less than helpful. "In lieu of a birth certificate," the agent said, "you can bring a notarized affidavit from the doctor who delivered you." -<>- mathemagician 1+1=2 /\ \ c") ;-/\> || kOs Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. I handed the cashier $2.00 and started digging for some change. I pulled out 8 cents and gave it to her. She stood there with $2 and 8 cents. She looked bewildered, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she burst into tears. The incident got me thinking about how our kids were learning math in school.... (or not). Teaching Math In 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set of "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of pro- duction, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M." Answer this question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits? Teaching Math In 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math In 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers) Teaching ObamaHealthMath In 2009: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Joe the Logger determine that his profit margin is $6000 over the next ten years? ========================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: >Quick Jokes: Irritated Wife: What do you mean by coming home half drunk? Hubby: It's not my fault...I ran out of money. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex? Q. How may men does it take to change a light bulb? A. Five, one to force it with a hammer and four to take him to the emergency room. -<>- . . /^\ . /\ "V" /__\ I O o //..\\ I . \].`[/ I /l\/j\ (] . O /. ~~ ,\/I . \\L__j^\/I o \/--v} I o . | | I _________ | | I c(` ')o | l I \. ,/ _/j L l\_! _//^---^\\_ -Row ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Travel Agent Confessions from a travel agent working with the US Congress (And these are the people running our Country!): I had a New Hampshire congresswoman ask for an aisle seat on the airplane so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. ***************************** I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. She interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response .(click). **************************** A senior Vermont congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!!!" ***************************** I got a call from a lawmakers wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map." ************************ An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if they could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed they only had a 1 hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time." ********************************** An Illinois congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 am and got into Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that! ******************************** A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She eplied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight, I think that is very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. ***************************************** A lady senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!!" ********************************* A senior senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!" **************************************** A New Mexico congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal", she admitted!!! -<>- ' . . o ' o . ' . O ' . ' . _____ ' . . . . .mMMMMMMMm. ' o ' . ' . .MMXXXXXXXXXMM. . ' . . /XX77:::::::77XX\ . . . o . ;X7:::''''''':::7X; . ' ' . |::'.:' '::| . . . . ;:.:. :;. o . ' . \'.: /. ' . . `.':. .'. ' . ' . ' .`-._____.-' . . ' . ' o ' . O . ' o ' . ' . ' . ' ' O . ' ' ' . . ' ' . ' . ' ' . .'..' . ' ' . . '. . ' `.':.' ':'.'.' `\\_ | _//' \( |\ )/ //\ |_\ /\\ (/ /\(" )/\ \) \/\ ( ) /\/ |( )| | \( \ | ) \ | \ | \ | `.__, \_________.-'Ojo/gnv >I DON'T DO... 1. I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. 2. I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I'll feel terrible and they may sue me. 3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because .... they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say. 4. I don't disturb cobwebs because . I want every creature to have a home of their own and hubby loves spiders. 5. I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous. 6. I don't plant a garden because ... I don't want to get in God's way. He is an excellent designer. 7. I don't put things away because ... my husband will never be able to find them again. 8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner. 9. I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press". 10. I don't stress much on anything because ... "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!! -<>- /\ / \ / \ '-.__.-' | | | | | | ____________'____'___________ .' .'-------------.' ) .' .'-------------.' .' .' / .'-------------.' .' ) .' (_) .'-------------.' .' ).( .'_____________________________ .' ).' ( ( `. ( .' ( `. _.-') ).' )) `.---._ )_.--`...___.'-._.`---.).' ).' ) ( `..-_______________`..)_.' (.' )( .-')_.--.'.---------------.(.'.'.' ).' ) '.-._.'-._)| [=]-._) ).' (.' ( _.'._.-.)_ [=] .-. |(_.-..' ).' ( '._ _.--'|_|[=] (\_/) |.--.' (.' ) ) '.--._.-.)| [=] (/ \) |'.__).' (.'.( (.-..---.'| [=] `-' [=] '-.' ).'( ) '._)'-.._)|_______________|(_.-..' ).' ( |.'=-._.-.'---------------'--._' ).' (.' (_ ))_.--. .--.-=-._.-.'-.).' (.' ) .`-._.'''.'. ) `..-.-' _) ).' ).'____ ( `-.(_.-.'_.''._.--.(_.'`._.'.).' ).' ).' .| .-._'.-.(_.-'._( )`._.-_.-') (.' ).' .' | '._)(_.'_)(_.--.`._.'_.-._.'_.'..' ).' .' .| .(.-. .-. .' ) `.( `. ) (.' .' .' | .' (_.'(_.'(_.-._.''-._)`._.-_.).'-.' .' .' .| .' .'//////////////////////////////.' .' .' .' | .'_.'__________ _ ______________ _.'_ .' .' .' .| | |(()) (()) | | .---------. | | | .' .' .'.' | | || || | | | [] | | |.' .' .'.' | | || || | | | ] | | | | .' .'.' | | || || | | | | | | |.' .'.' | |.--. .--. | | | [] | | | .'.' | |\ __\ \\\\ | | '---------' | | |.'.' |__|___________|_|___________LGB|_|__|.' >Things on Martha Stewart's To-Do List 30> Warm up the glue gun for show on "Adding Pinnace to plain License Plates." 29> Finally schedule that much anticipated show segment on "locks and how to pick them" with neighborhood locksmith Ralph Cooper. 28> Get Martha Stewart line of "prison craft" kits into immediate production. 27> See if "Martha Stewart Living" TV studio set could be miniaturized to fit into a 44 sq. ft. Prison cell. 26> Call Aunt Jamaima to see if she wants to buy a bunch of Omnimedia shares and take over as hostess of a popular TV show. 25> Convince stockholders that the "Prison Population" is a whole new demographic untouched and unexploited by other designers. 24> Create new Martha Stewart Venetian Blind line with "prison Bar" motif. 23> Schedule hair and nails; think about going short-short for a prison "do". 22> Begin preparations for inevitable jailhouse conversion to Islam. 21> Dump Omnimedia stock before word gets out about the Sentence. 20> Cut deal for lucrative post-war Iraqi Halal catering contract. 19> Send that nice judge a quilt handmade with $50 bills. 18> Berate domestic staffers while I still can. 17> Note to self: Next time, bury insider-trading memos in my all-natural recycling compost heap. 16> Shoot prosecuting attorneys and have them stuffed for throw pillows. 15> Accept offer to do Better Jails and Prisons Front Cover. 14> Offer large reward for palatable crow recipe. 13> Start crocheting toilet-seat doilies, because that stainless steel is probably cold in the morning. 12> Cover paper trail leading to al-Qaeda. 11> Request a prison where the uniforms have vertical, not horizontal, stripes because they make you look slimmer. 10> Test whether a little club soda and lemon juice can remove stains from a reputation. 9> Possible strategy for appeal: Blame it all on Scott Peterson! 8> Bake a seven-layer white-chocolate cake with framboise ganache. Place file between layers. Freeze. 7> Start work on new book: "Minimum Security With Maximum Flair." 6> Start marketing new "Martha Stewart Prison Personal Hygiene line." 5> Remember... Outside: "And that's a GOOD thing!" Inside: "Yit be da bomb, yo!" 4> Try to take that snob Betty Crocker down with me. 3> Roll around in a huge pile of money one last time before going off to jail. 2> Inform High Emperor that climate on this planet has changed; request transfer back to home Planet. and the Number 1 Thing on Martha Stewart's To-Do List... 1> Come up with 50 new shades of prison gray for Martha Stewart Paints. Special thanks to the top 5 list. Warning: Some Top 5 postings may be offensive. -<>- .-------------------- | | ,-""-. /) | / c/-} // | ( ,--)T-. // | `/ ,_) )\__,-/ | / /. \'_,-"< | / / ) _`).__ | _/,' ( ""-."-. |'-/ _/`-----. ),' |o!O '"-'"""----" >WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him." >UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. >MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury*, isn't it? The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here. *Pillsbury is a flour mix >WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." >WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" ========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit: Why God Gave Us Pets http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpets.html High Tech Toys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys.html Vet And Troops Animated Gifs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html Thanksgiving and Turkey Animated gifs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html Proud Of Our Troops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops.html Military Posters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/military.html Hero http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/hero.html >From Our Friend Wesley: Jennifer Daniels - Tattoo http://tinyurl.com/ycftsgf Sow the Seeds of God's Word with an e-Card http://www.prisonfellowship.org/get-involved-with-prison-fellowship/13065-send-an-ecard What Stormtroopers do on Their Day Off http://tinyurl.com/pa6mge Is Warm or Hot Water more effective than Cold? (Germ wise ) No , it's Not ! http://fwd4.me/eg Free Printable Maps http://fwd4.me/sq --- ...Great Ones! Thanks Wesley! >From LynnLynn's Links: It Looked Like A Parking Space http://www.buffaloschips.com/gssjak.htm Love 2008 http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshsjjs.htm Love Boat http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshsjsdh.htm Lucha http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshkksj.htm Luckiest Man On The Planet http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshshjs.htm Lucky 1 http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshsjs.htm Kind So Flunky http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghsjskla.htm 7 Wonders Of The World http://www.buffaloschips.com/gfsgfagh.htm ABC Banner http://www.buffaloschips.com/012101.htm Adidas DM http://www.buffaloschips.com/012102.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes And Thunkers: "A toilet manufacturer in Illinois has now come out with a line of reclining toilet seats. The seat is adjustable to 3 different lumbar positions. See, that's when you know you're spending too much time in the bathroom, when you're on a lazy boy toilet!" --Jay Leno "If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that." --Milton Jones "I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: 'This door is alarmed.' I said to myself: 'How do you think I feel?'" --Arnold Brown "I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat." --Marcus Brigstocke "The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person." --P. J. O'Rourke "Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special." --Chris Rock "If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!" --Homer Simpson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************