Tech Support, Star Trek And Grandma Advice... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This smoking hot one is from our friends LouiseA, Linda, And Geniann. These cars are the cats meow! Be sure to Check it out here: . .. __..---/______//-----. (( ) .".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! )) (.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= ) *--* *--* jnh 50s Concept Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/conceptcars.html --- ...Wow! Pure 50s fun fantasy! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ Answer To Technical Malfunction / ) a a| / ( > | ( ) ._ / To End User: ) _/-.__.'`\ ( .-'`-. \__ ) This is a very common problem men `/ `-./ `. complain about but is mostly due to a | \ \ \ primary misconception. Many people jgs | \ \ \ \ upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 |\ `. / / \ with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony and Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck Tech Support ======================================================== +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 10 is Middle Name Pride Day March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day - guys, you can relate March 12 is Girl Scouts Day and Plant a Flower Day March 13 is Ear Muff Day, Jewel Day, Popcorn Lover's Day second Thursday March 14 is Learn about Butterflies Day, National Potato Chip Day, National Pi Day- Why today? Because today is 3.14, the value of Pi. March 15 is Everything You Think is Wrong Day, Ides of March, Incredible Kid Day, Dumbstruck Day, National Quilting Day - third Saturday of month March 16 is Everything You Do is Right Day and Freedom of Information Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ========================================================= ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+,____o@o____ ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, |o@OT@SO@o|+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+,| ,;;;, | ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, | ;o/o; |+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+,| \/-\/ | ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, | _`~´_ |+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+,| ´ \// ` | ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, | | /o| | |+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+,oO@o@o@0@Oo ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+, ,+,(),+, ,+, oO@Oo, ,+, ,+,(),+, ,+, ,+, () () () () (())=======================(()) () () () () [] [] [] [] [][] [][] [] [] [] [] []=[]=[]=[]=/ // ´;´}~., \\ \[]=[]=[]=[] []=[]=[]=[]////) ´}}~;;;`; (\\\\]=[]=[]=[] []=[]=[]=[/ //() ~}~};- -;: ()\ \\=[]=[]=[] []=[]=[]=( ((() ~}~};} . 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I had a big suitcase and a sore knee. I began dragging my bag and was making a loud thud on every step when a man behind me grabbed it and carried it to the top. "That was so chivalrous," I gushed, thanking him. "Chivalry had nothing to do with it," he said. "I've got a splitting headache." -<>- >Family Relationship I ran short of money while visiting my brother, and borrowed $50 from him. After my return home, I wrote him a short letter every few weeks, enclosing a $5 check in each one. He called me up and told me how much he enjoyed the letters, regardless of the money; I had never written regularly before. Eventually I sent off a letter and the last five-dollar check. In my mail box the next week I found an envelope from my brother. Inside was another $50. -<>- >Media Bias? Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school yard, he saw a dog attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it. The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline "Valiant Student Saves Boy From Fearsome Dog." The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker. The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, "Pompous Stock Broker Kills School Mascot." -<>- >Navajo Hitchhiker Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. -<>- >Security Questions I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He paused for a second, looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >SMILES __,-O< ,-- --. \. -=' -' \ __\\O- ,--- --. `^ / ). __,-O< \ __,-O< ,-- ----' `. `\) __)\O-__ )/ ,--( ,;:. _) / `^ _)\O< / (_ .:;:;. | | `^ :;';.;:' |_ |_ | ';\||' ______/=\\______/=\\_______| JML ap :| '-'-'-[=]/'-'-'-[=]/'-'-'-/'.=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:=:= -'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-/ '. | '-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-/ .-' .--.--. |/| -'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-/ _.-'.-: .; .;|;. ;. |/|/ ___ ___ |' _.'\ :|--|--|- .;_;' ';_;. --|--|--|/|/ |] [|_|_|] [|_|_|] | |\ | \:|--|--| ; ;' '; ; -|--|--|/ |] [|_|_|] [|_|_|] | | \|--' ;; .--.___.--. ;; _______________________| |.-' ;-[ O )=( O ]-; |/| ( `--' | `--' ) ____.-". |/|/ \| ( |/ ;( ,__.)/=' |/|/ . .:::::. . ; |/ \| |/|/ . '---' . \ | |/|/ |`. .'| ` `|/|/ ,-------/| `...' |\-------, |--|--|--|/|/ ,' | `. ,' | `, |--|--|--|/ / \ /'. ,'\ / \ ; |/ \ / \| ; ; ; / ' |. ' \ \; ; ; `-' | `-' MJP Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country. One day his Uncle Abner came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew, Little Johnny. When Uncle Abner came into the bedroom, he saw the Little Johnny Kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed. Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?" "Why, the same thing you're doing", replied Uncle Abner. "Ma's gonna be mad", said Little Johnny. "Why will she be mad?" asked Uncle Abner. "Because the bed pan's on this side!" -------- Bubba and Bo, two good ole boys, were sitting' on the front porch when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by. "I'm gonna do that when I win the lottery," said Bubba. "Do what?" asked Bo. "Send my grass out to be mowed," answered Bubba. -------- A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' Sermon complete, he sat down... The Choir Master stood and announced with a smile, 'For our closing hymn we will sing Hymn 365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.' -------- When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Gene, and his partner -- both EMTs -- rushed to her home. Gene placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Then he began to gather her information. "What's your age?" he asked. "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eying the beeping device on her finger. She asked, "What does that do?" "It's a lie detector," said Gene with a straight face. "Now, what did you say your age was?" "Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly. --- ...HaHaHA! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >Actual Call Center Conversations: Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?' Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?' Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.' Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.' ------------------------- Samsung Electronics: Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.' Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'Well, I think 'Jack' means the telephone plug connection.' -------------------------- RAC Motoring Services: Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?' Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?' -------------------------- Here's a caller inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe: 'If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' -------------------------- Directory Enquiries: Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please' Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?' Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.' -------------------------- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven: Operator: 'In Woven? Are you sure?' Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland.' -------------------------- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds told an operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.' --------------------------- ____ || | ||___| _)__<__ _ _ |____|__|:|___|:|_ | |_.---._|___| _ | o| | | |_o_| | || |/| |\| | |_||____|`\___/'|___| V _/-\_ fsc >Four Calls for Tech Help: Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.' Customer: 'OK.' Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?' Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click.' ----------------- Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?' ----------------- Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?' ----------------- Finally, a story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. The Help Desk Operator was fired and is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.' Here's the actual dialogue of the Caller and the former WordPerfect Customer Support Operator: Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.' Operator: 'What sort of trouble?' Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' Operator: 'Went away?' Caller: 'They disappeared.' Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?' Caller: 'Nothing.' Operator: 'Nothing??' Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?' Caller: 'How do I tell?' Operator: 'Can you see the 'C-prompt' on the screen?' Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?' Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.' Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?' Caller: 'What's a monitor?' Operator: 'That's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Now, does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?' Caller: 'I don't know.' Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??' Caller: 'Yes, I think so.' Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.. Caller: 'Yes, it is.' Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? ' Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.' Caller: 'Okay, here it is.' Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer..' Caller: 'I can't reach it.' Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?' Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Even if you, maybe, put your knee on something and lean way over?' Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle—it's because it's dark.' Operator: 'Dark?' Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.' Operator: 'Well then, turn on the office light.' Caller: 'I can't.' Operator: 'No? Why not?' Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.' Operator: 'A power . . . A power failure? Aha. Okay. We've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?' Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..' Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to where you bought it.' Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?' Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.' Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?' Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!' -<>- _ , L\ \/OO\ |/ \ /_\ ` _\ |_ Arjen Pilon >The Mammogram Test For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests. So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra. After 30 years of astute care, My gyno, Dr. Pruitt, Said I should get a Mammogram. "O.K," I said, "let's do it." "Stand up here real close" she said, (She got my boob in line), "And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine." She stepped upon a pedal, I could not believe my eyes! A plastic plate came slamming down, My hooter's in a vise! My skin was stretched and mangled, >From underneath my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish Pancake thin. Excruciating pain I felt, Within it's vise-like grip. A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit! "Take a deep breath" she said to me, Who does she think she's kidding?!? My chest is mashed in her machine, And woozy I am getting. "There, that's good," I heard her say, (The room was slowly swaying.) "Now, let's have a go at the other one." Have mercy, I was praying. It squeezed me from both up and down, It squeezed me from both sides. I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, To HER tender little hide. Next time that they make me do this, I will request a blindfold. I have no wish to see again, My knockers getting steamrolled. If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have gone "ker-pow!" This machine was created by a man, Of this, I have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there, And see how THEY come out. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [politics] >From Our Friend Fran :) Senator from Louisiana This is the video that went viral on the Internet in the last few days. Very few can express themselves with such clarity and purpose. Elbert Guillory: "Why I Am a Republican" - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/embed/n_YQ8560E1w?autoplay=1%C2%A0 --- ...Amen! Thanks Fran! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) In a bid to stem taxpayer losses for bad loans guaranteed by federal housing agencies Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac, Senator Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) proposed that borrowers be required to make a 5% down payment in order to qualify for a loan. His proposal was rejected 57-42 on a straight party-line vote because, as Senator Chris Dodd (D-Conn) explained, "Passage of such a requirement would restrict home ownership to only those who can afford it." I can't add anything to this - - - - I just can't. --- ...Well, there ya have it. Simple. Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Have you ever heard the phrase, "Never bring a knife to a gun fight?" If you believe in the validity of this sage advice you might also think it would be poor judgment to bring a toy to a gun fight. The perpetrator in today's story would agree with you. 34-year-old Michael Oliva was charged in federal court in connection to an attempted bank robbery in Trimble, MO. According to an affidavit Oliva entered the bank, allegedly pulled on a black mask and pointed what appeared to be a handgun at a bank employee and ordered her to give him the money in her teller drawer. Instead of complying the employee dropped to the floor behind the teller station and began shouting for help. As she was crawling away, the affidavit says, she saw Oliva lean over the teller station and point his "weapon" at her. A second bank employee, who was in an office, heard the shouts for help. He saw Oliva pointing a handgun at the first bank employee and retrieved a Smith & Wesson .357 revolver. But instead of a shootout what occurred was a near execution, because Oliva didn't have a handgun, he had a plastic toy. Not knowing this, the second employee fired two rounds, the first shot striking Oliva in the face. Apparently being shot in the face with a .357 was enough for him because he turned and fled. He was arrested a short time later with no money but in possession of an extra bullet. Who says gun laws don't work? *-- Boy pointed finger like a gun, got three-day school suspension --* COLUMBUS, Ohio - A boy, 10, was suspended from his Columbus, Ohio, elementary school last week for pointing his finger at a classmate as a gun, a school spokesman said. Fifth-grader Nathan Entingh received a three-day suspension from Devonshire Alternative Elementary School for his "level 2 lookalike firearm," the suspension letter mailed to his parents said. "I was just playing around. People play around a lot like this at my school" and are not suspended for it, Nathan said. School district spokesman Jeff Warner said Nathan put his finger to the side of another student's head and pretended to shoot "kind of execution style." He added Devonshire principal Patricia Price had warned students about pretend gun play and its consequences on numerous occasions during the school year. "He said he was playing," said Nathan's father, Paul Entingh. "It would even make more sense if he brought a plastic gun that looked like a real gun or something but it was his finger." Away from school for several days, Nathan reflected on his suspension Monday, saying, "I think it was dumb," the Columbus Dispatch reported Tuesday. *-- Woman takes 14 years of family portraits with mannequins --* ENGLEWOOD, Colo. - A Colorado woman said she has been taking portraits around the world with her mannequin family because she was tired of being asked why she wasn't married. Suzanne Heintz, an art director for Starz Entertainment Group in Englewood, said she started taking pictures with a mannequin husband and daughter 14 years ago as a response to being asked why she wasn't married yet, twentytwowords.com reported Monday. Heintz, who has traveled more than 10,000 miles to take pictures with her mannequins in locations including several famous Paris landmarks, said on her website the project is about "spinsterhood, and the American way." "You can't just go out and buy a family. Or can you? I did. They are mannequins. The candy coated shell with nothing inside. We do all those family things, all the while capturing those Kodak Moments. Because it's not really about the journey, or a genuine human connection, when you're kids are screaming, 'Are we there yet?' Is it? It's about the picture in front of the sign. 'Get back in the car. We got the picture. Now, let's go eat,'" she wrote. *-- Police: Fortune teller claimed cure for 'curse' for $200,000 scam --* NEW YORK - New York police arrested a fortune teller accused of scamming a woman out of more than $200,000 with claims of a curse that needed to be lifted. Investigators said Amanda Ufie, 26, a fortune teller operating out of a Manhattan storefront, convinced Jiawei Li, 22, that she was suffering from a curse in January 2012, and Li paid Ufie $217,040 in the ensuing 10 months to lift the curse, the New York Post reported Thursday. Police said their investigation, which began when Li filed a complaint against Ufie in January, discovered a "second individual" had been bilked of $1,400 when Ufie claimed "to have the power to remove negative energy from the second individual's body," the criminal complaint states. Ufie, aka Amanda Petro, was arrested Tuesday and charged with grand larceny and scheme to defraud. She was held in lieu of $25,000 bail. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ____ /(( )) ( )6 6( ) (_) l (_) \ <> ) ____) (_____ ( \____/ ) ) ( )( ) ( / / \ / \ \ / / \ / \ \ \ \ )==( / / \ \ / \ / / '\\/ \//' '|\` '|\` \ / \ / ) ( jgs/akg / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ `-...., ,..-' `-..-' >To my "Old Friends" - Some private philosophies Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin! - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter & Billy Carter) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea--- Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield Money can't buy you happiness... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was "SHUT UP" . - Joe Namath I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. - W. C. Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal And the cardiologist's diet: "If it tastes good spit it out". May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door! Love to you xxxxx --- ...TeeHee! Love these! Thanks Linda! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) ____ .-'& '-. / \ : o o ; ( (_ ) : ; \ __ / `-._____.-' /`"""`\ / , \ /|/\/\/\ _\ (_|/\/\/\\__) |_______| __)_ |_ (__ jgs (_____|_____) >Kids The Kindergarten Sunday School class was discussing prayer and the Children seemed aware that the way you end a prayer was with the Word "Amen." "Does anyone know what 'Amen' means?" the teacher asked. There was a long silence. Then one little boy piped up, with Appropriate, computer-age gestures, and said, "Well, I think it Means, like, 'Send'." --- ...Cute! Thanks KarenF! -<>- Constitution Class (USS Enterprise NCC-1701) __________________ _-_ _ _-_ _ \________________|)____.---'---`---.____ _(_).---'---`---.(_)_ || \----._________.----/ \----._________.----/ || / ,' `---' `\ `]-[' /' ___||_,--' -._ `\.' _ `./' /___ ||(- ( (_) ) `---._____-' `._.' _________________ .-------. |________________|) .-' `-. || / \ || / \ ___||_,--| _.--, | |_________|______/_.-. | | |______ | \_`-' | | || `--| `--' | || \ / ____________||___ \ / |________________|) `-. .-' `-------' >STAR TREK The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America ." The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?" The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistan is on Star Trek." The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future..." --- ...LOL! Oh My! Thanks KarenF! -<>- .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >Grandma Advice Yes, our grandmothers still had genuine knowledge of staying naturally healthy!!! My granny lectured me about her practical knowledge: “For better digestion, I drink beer, for loss of appetite I drink white wine, with low blood pressure red wine, with high blood pressure cognac, and whenever I have a cold, I drink Vodka.” “And when do you drink water?” “I have never been that sick!” --- ...LOL! Thanks KarenF! Sounds more like my grandpa! My granny was a tea freak. Always tea! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: /` / <- "I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh. "Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid." "Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet." -<>- I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. "We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch." -<>- Our son lived at home all four of his undergraduate years. He moved out only when he went to grad school and got an apartment. The first time my husband and I went to see his new place, Matt greeted us, saying, "I'm glad to finally be the host." As we walked in the door, my husband whispered to me, "Instead of the parasite." -<>- For a romantic touch, I washed our sheets with lavender- scented fabric softener. When my husband got into bed, he sniffed. "What's this?" he asked. "Guess," I said coyly. "I have no idea," he said. "It smells like the stuff you use to line the hamster's cage." -<>- The dogs next door get a little noisy, so one day somebody called animal control to complain. When the officers arrived, I heard my neighbor tell them, "Hey, dogs bark. It's human nature." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) `\|/' .---------------. ,'Y`. _( To think.... )_________ )|._.|( ( Doesn't that involve little ) /(___)\ ""( little lightbulbs over )" ( ) ""( My head ??? )""""""" `..-.,' """"""""""""" |"| .--' `--. Ojo >PONDERISMS (some things to think about) 1- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. 2- There are two kinds of pedestrians . . . The quick and the dead. 3- Life is transmitted. 4- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 5- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 6- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. 7- Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? 8- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. 9- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. 10- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. 11- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? 12- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'? Hmmmmm, how about eggs? 13- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? 14- Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? 16- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? 17- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? 18- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? 19- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 20- Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address? --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! -<>- * |_ (O) |#| '-' sjw >WELCOME TO THE 21st CENTURY!!! *Our Phones ~ Wireless *Cooking ~ Fireless *Cars ~ Keyless *Food ~ Fatless *Tires ~ Tubeless *Dress ~ Sleeveless *Youth ~ Jobless *Leaders ~ Shameless *Relationships ~ Meaningless *Attitude ~ Careless *Wives ~ Fearless *Babies ~ Fatherless *Feelings ~ Heartless *Education ~ Valueless *Children ~ Mannerless Everything is becoming LESS, but still our hopes are ~ Endless! In fact I am ~ Speechless & come to think of it NOW ~ Clueless !! --- ...TeeHee! Yeppers - Got that right! Thanks Geniann! ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Beautiful Mexico! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beautifulmexico.html Albino Hummingbird http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html The REAL Three Bears http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bears.html Corner Of Paradise http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/corner.html Matchstick Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/matchstick.html Woman - Darkest Before Dawn http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womandbd.html Playing With Food http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food.html When Artists Get Bored http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abored.html Tpewriter Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart.html Baby Squirrel Finnegan http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/finnegan.html We Three Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/threefriends.html Limos In US History http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html Play With Harley http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/harley.html Leopard Vs Crocodile http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html Sgt. Reckless http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sgtreckless.html -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) She sent us one we have here... Dolphin Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dolphinrescue.html --- ...Awww, such a sweet reminder! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) You'll need tissues at hand! - Linda She Was Married for Six Weeks When She Lost Her Husband to the War. She Spent Six Decades Wondering What Happened. The Answer Is Unbelievable This is worth watching... http://tinyurl.com/o4jjnq9 --- ...So Heartwarming! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann: Awesome Youth - Evian Commercial https://www.youtube.com/embed/pfxB5ut-KTs?rel=0 The Ocean As You Have Never Seen It https://www.youtube.com/embed/mcbHKAWIk3I --- ...Beautiful! Thanks Geniann! This is why so many people in Russia use dash cams....so they can explain accidents and near misses. Driving in Russia is a bit risky... http://tinyurl.com/m6cz4nr --- ...A bit? Geesh! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Putin vs Obama http://www.tomatobubble.com/putin_obama.html --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! All jokes aside - Putin is still far worse! As much as I am not a fan of Obama - I would take him ANY day over the cruel, evil dictator Putin any day. I put Putin in the same category as Saddam Hussein. - just plain violent and rotten to the core. People who beat, torture and kill their own people are not to be considered good people. Putin has a long list of human rights violations. Don't let him fool you. -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) The most beautiful seatbelt advocacy commercial ever http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2o1oJ1zk_w Italian Clock http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdN36f2l8h4 --- ...Good Ones! Thanks KarenF! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The CEO of Pizza Hut said that when he was in college, he used to bring his dates to Pizza Hut. When asked where he brought them on the second date, he said there were no second dates." -Conan O'Brien "A company in the U.K. is selling a new device that lets you know if you're driving badly. It's called a windshield." -Jimmy Fallon "The Wallenda kids started walking the tightrope at age 4. To do something like that when you're that age, you need three things: courage, resolve, and horrible parents." -Craig Ferguson "Police officers say that because of the economy, more thieves are stealing gas from parked cars. Victims said they hadn't felt that robbed since they put the gas INTO their car." -Jimmy Fallon "A lot of people make money off of weddings, such as caterers, photographers, and divorce lawyers." -Craig Ferguson "A man in Albuquerque has registered his dog to vote. Apparently the dog likes the current administration but he's not sure he wants another 28 years of Obama." -Conan O'Brien "It seems a cat named Hank is running for the Senate in Virginia. You know the difference between a cat and politician? A cat doesn't pretend to care about you." -Jay Leno "A new report found that Hawaii has the best quality of life of any state in the U.S. You know, just in case you thought it sucked living in Hawaii." -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************