Teenagers And Cats And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) These hot sizzlers are for all you money bags out there along with those of you like me who just like to window shop. The first hottie is from our friend LouiseA. These are simply mind blowing! Check it out here... ==0 / /_@@-#= ejm 96 .| \/ _/ ||__ |, | |\\ /|\ World's Most Expensive Things! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/expensive.html --- ...Ooo, fun to take a gander at these! Thanks LouiseA! This second too hot too handle one is from our friend Linda. Now I could see myself in one of these - In my dreams that is! HaHa! Check out this beast here... ___ .'[_]'. / -==== \ | o o o |--._ `|^^^^^| `\ \) | G |__/ / | A (__.' | S | |__ __| |_______| The eleMMent Palazzo Mobile RV http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv2.html --- ...Wowsers! What an Awesome ride! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Exercise Is Good .@@@@@, The room was full of pregnant women and their @@@@@@@@, partners, and the class was in full swing. aa`@@@@@@ The instructor was teaching the women how to (_ ?@@@@ breathe properly, along with informing the men =' @@@@" how to give the necessary assurances at this \(``` stage of the plan. //`\ / | || The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise \ | || is good for you. Walking is especially / | || beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt / |_|\ you to take the time to go walking with your | |_| \ partner.!" \ ((( | `\ | The room really got quiet. |____| | || Finally, a man in the middle of the group | || raised his hand. | || /~)) "Yes?" replied the teacher. jgs /_/YY "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 1 is Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day and Build A Scarecrow Day July 2 is Visitation Of The Virgin Mary Day July 3 is Stay Out Of The Sun Day and Compliment Your Mirror Day July 4 is National Country Music Day and Tom Sawyer Fence Painting Day July 5 is Workaholics Day July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: O _|_ ,_.-_' _ '_-._, \ (.)(.)(.) / _, `\_-===-_/` ,_ > |----"""""----| < `""`--/ _-@-\--`""` |===L_I===| \ / _\__|__/_ jgs `""""`""""` >Custom Cake At the bakery where I work, we take custom cake orders. One day, a woman came in to pick up the cake she had ordered a few days earlier. However, when she saw the vibrant pink trim, she complained that it was too bright, her daughter wanted a soft pink, and would be extremely disappointed. To appease her, I got a new cake, made a new batch of icing and even marked down the price before she was happy. Finally, I asked her, "What would you like written on the cake?" "Oh, just, Happy First Birthday," she replied. -<>- >Lazy Worker A construction site foreman had 10 very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up." Nine hands went up. "Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the 10th man. "Too much trouble," he responded. -<>- >Physical Fitness Class During my physical fitness class, I had everyone lie on their backs with their legs up as if pedaling a bike. After several minutes, one man suddenly stopped. "Why did you stop pedaling?" I shouted. "I didn't stop," he said, wheezing. "I'm coasting." -<>- _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >Teenagers and Cats For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: 1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. 2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. 3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. 4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. 5. No cat or teenager shares your taste in music. 6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. 7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did. 8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom. 9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture. 10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best source of advice is not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats on hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned. -<>- >Two Sides Most of us consider ourselves broadminded enough to admit that there are two sides to every argument. First and foremost, there is our side, and then there is the side that no reasonably intelligent, informed, sane, and self-respecting person could possible hold. ========================================================= >-->Fro Our Friend LouiseA :) .----. _.'__ `. .--(#)(##)---/#\ .' @ /###\ : , ##### `-..__.-' _.-\###/ jgs `;_: `"' .'"""""`. /, JOE ,\ // COOL! \\ `-._______.-' ___`. | .'___ (______|______) >SMILES A couple from a circus go to an adoption agency, but social workers have doubts about their suitability. So they produce photos of their 50 foot motorhome, the back half of which is a beautifully equipped nursery. The social workers then are doubtful about the education that would be provided. "We've employed an fulltime tutor who'll teach the child all the subjects along with Mandarin and IT skills." There are then doubts expressed about the child's healthy upbringing. "Our fulltime nanny is an expert in pediatric welfare and diet," they reply. The social workers are finally satisfied, and ask what age of child they were hoping to adopt. "It doesn't really matter," they say, "so long as he fits nicely into the cannon." -------- When Ted was putting flowers on his Grandmother's grave he noticed a man, very distraught, in front of a tombstone several yards away. The man was on his knees, hands tightly clasped in front of him, rocking back and forth, head tilted upward to heaven, tears streaming down his cheeks, moaning softly, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" Over and over again. Ted was overcome with emotion at this sight and went over to the poor man to try and console him. "Why did you die? Why did you die?" bellowed the man again and again. Ted gently put his arm around the man and half whispered to him, "My Grandmother is buried just over there. Is a loved one of yours buried here?" "No," sniffled the man, "It's my wife's first husband." -------- On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?" ------- I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category. This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Kerrville, Texas who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Fredericksburg . He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 10 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzel dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt. The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment. So there, Texas police do care. ------- A few women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said, "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to Hell." This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in Hell. So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said, "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven." Another one said "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it unless I mend my ways, I better start soon." At this point they noticed that one of the ladies (the only single women in the group, and a blonde, mind you) wasn't saying anything. They turned to her and said, "You're such a nice lady, surely you'll be going to Heaven?" She says, "No way! In fact, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to Hell!" They were shocked and asked, "Why??" "Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you??!?" -------- Two blond guys rent a boat and go out on a lake. After fishing for many hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they try one more spot before calling it quits. Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught their limit very quickly. One blond guy said, "Hey, we should mark this spot so next time we'll know where to come." "Good idea," and the other guy takes out a can of spray paint and makes a large "X" on the side of the boat. With that the other guy says, "You idiot! What'd you do that for?!? Now anyone who rents this boat will know where our spot is!" -------- Two blondes meet on the street. One is carrying a bag. The0 other one asks, "What'cha got in the sack?" "Just some chickens." "If I guess how many there are, can I have one?" "I'll give you both of them." "Ummmmm, five?" --- ...LMAO! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- _.---.( ..--._) (_.' `''-.'` `'. / / \_) (_| _,.-'""'-,-'""'-.,_ | \ /.--' '--.\ /_) ,__\ ) (_(_( )_)_) ) /__, \ (_, ( o) ( o) / / `--.-` '-' c '-' `-'-` (O\ (O) jgs '-.....__w__.....-' >110 YEARS AGO IN THE USA... ~ The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven. ~ Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub. ~ Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars. ~ There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads. ~ The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph. ~ Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the Union. ~ The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower. ~ The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour. The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year. A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year. ~ More than 95 percent of all births in the United States took place at home. ~ Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard." ~ Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound. ~ The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke ~ The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet. ~ Drive-by-shootings -- in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy -- were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West. ~ The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families. ~ Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented. ~ There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day. ~ One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school. ~ Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." ~ Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine. ~ Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census. ~ Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic. ~ There were about 230 reported murders in the U.S. annually. --- ...Not sure if these are all true but they sure are interesting! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: A Louisiana man's decision to jump on an 11-foot alligator left him with a gash on his hand that required 80 stitches. "I've always been the kind of guy who learns the hard way," said Glen Bonin in the understatement of the year. Bonin and three of his friends tried to move the gator off a road in Sulphur, La., because why drive around a gator when you can pretend to be The Crocodile Hunter and have one heck of a story to tell. The encounter was captured on video if you want to look it up on the Internet for a good laugh. "(We) took our shirts off, threw it on (the gator's) face, and we were going to come from behind it and jump on it. In the process of doing that, it spun around and grabbed my hand seconds before we jumped on it," Bonin said. Bonin told the local news it felt like someone was pulling his arm out. "I thought I was about to lose something," he said. Bonin advised others against doing what he did. "Call wildlife and fisheries, call the sheriff, call somebody, stay in your vehicles don't try to play with them or move them," he said. "Leave it to the professionals, that's what they say." *-- Woman allegedly eats entire bag of marijuana during DUI arrest --* BREVARD COUNTY, Fla. (UPI) - A Florida woman was caught on surveillance video attempting to eat a bag full of marijuana during an arrest for DUI. Tavish Smith was pulled over on suspicion of DUI after she allegedly crashed her truck two times and was seen driving the wrong way. During the stop, officers searched the vehicle and discovered a sandwich bag full of marijuana. After the suspect was placed in the back of a squad car, she asked the officer to go get her flip-flops from her truck. Smith was then able to wriggle out of her handcuffs and grab the bag from the front seat of the squad car. She then quickly chowed down on its contents. "My car's smelling like the stuff you had in your seat," the arresting trooper says in the video. "I hope that's not why this marijuana bag was open over here. Bags of weed just don't go missing inside a police car. And I've got it all on video." Smith denied eating the pot, but she allegedly left marijuana crumbs everywhere. The 45-year-old allegedly ate about 12 grams of grass. According to WTSP, "at the moment she eats the evidence, her misdemeanor charges for minor hit-and-run, DUI and marijuana possession bump up to a felony." *-- Naked, drunken man not arrested after pooping on Iowa family's carpet -- much to their chagrin --* KUNA, Iowa (UPI) - What do you have to do to get arrested in Iowa? A Kuna family is upset that a naked, drunken man who allegedly pooped on their carpet and flooded their kitchen was only cited with two misdemeanors but not arrested. The Gillaspys woke up to a naked man walking around in their bedroom early on Sunday morning, but he quickly sprinted off into another room. "My husband grabs the gun because we have no idea who this guy is," Tricia Gillaspy told KTVB. "He's like, 'Get out of my house, now!' But the guy wouldn't leave. So, he puts the gun to his head, and says, 'I said, get out!'" The suspect, Matthew Coomes, left the home after 911 was called, but he was still milling around outside when police arrived. Then everyone saw what the 25-year-old allegedly did downstairs. "He took this sink sprayer out and this drawer was in there. He put it in the drawer, turned it on full blast hot water, it filled that entire drawer full. It flooded my entire kitchen," Gillaspy said. "He craps on my floor, and he must have been playing in it because he streaked it down the side of my walls. The stain is gone finally, thank goodness." Instead of being arrested, Coomes was cited with two misdemeanors. The Kuna Police have since admitted that the responding officer probably should have arrested Coomes and it's possible that Ada County prosecutors could charge him with a felony count of malicious injury to property. *-- Bear falls through skylight in Alaska and starts eating cupcakes --* JUNEAU, Alaska (UPI) - A 180-pound bear crashed through an Alaska couple's skylight and ate the cupcakes they had out for their child's birthday party. The homeowners quickly vacated the room and allowed the bear to devour the tasty treats. "I was literally in the room, and I heard this cracking," homeowner Glenn Merrill told the Juneau Empire. "And the next thing you know, there's this bear that, I mean, literally, fell right from (the skylight). It was like one meter away from me." Merrill's house is on a mountainside that overlooks downtown Juneau. "There probably isn't a neighborhood or place where we have homes where the potential isn't there for you to run into a bear or observe a bear," Ryan Scott of the Alaska Department of Fish and Game told the CBC. "There is really no place where the potential isn't there." The bear eventually left the residence after being yelled at, but it lingered in the backyard and continued to look in the window. "He wanted back in, that's for sure," Merrill said. The same bear allegedly entered another home in the area, so authorities thought it was best to have the animal destroyed because it was a threat to humans. "We don't take killing or destroying bears lightly," Scott said. "People were inside that building. I think it was appropriate for that given the situation." *-- Man who was sent from 'Planet Zoltron' attacks police cruiser in Michigan --* MUSKEGON COUNTY, Mich. (UPI) - A Michigan man who was claiming to be a resident of "Planet Zoltron" is facing a number of charges after he allegedly attacked a Muskegon County Sheriff deputy's cruiser with a four-foot metal pipe. Officers were investigating reports about a man breaking into homes when they came across Calquan Dion Burr. On the dash camera video, Burr can be seen charging the cruiser, jumping on the hood of the car and attacking the windshield. "The officers rounds the corner and it is dark out - he had no time to react. The guy is already running at the car. He almost had zero time to respond and there was no time to avoid him," Lt. Shane Brown of the Muskegon County Sheriff's Department told WZZM-TV. While the 20-year-old was being arrested, he told police that he could have "tackled that car and could have crushed it if he wanted to," according to the Muskegon Chronicle. "He also claimed he was from the Planet Zoltron and that his father sent him." Burr appeared to be on "mind-altering drugs" and a witness said that he seemed "drunk or high and was talking about seeing blue orbits." The suspect was charged with malicious destruction of property, damaging police property, assault and other charges. ========================================================= >->From Our Friend Linda :) | |/ | ,,,,, ,+ /| / \ () | || \ C '\ /|_() || ) _| .'___/,,,// || .'=. (____E.' / / \ || | \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ || \ \ !'__/ ) _| || \ \,' / /`._( || |`. .' / \ \ || \ `-' | .-. | | \ E || >====[] | \ |__| | O OE || / |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E || \_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\| \ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_| \ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ | |[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____| ||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ | | | / || || /| | | -----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------| /| | || ||/`-|___| | /\| | || \\._ [____] h| /`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j| `=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w| ) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" | `='====' ,-' ' ` `-. | `-.________.-' | >Does God Exist? A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists." "Why do you say that?"asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things." The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?"asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside." "Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me." "Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world." --- ...TeeHee! a Great Classic! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' My friend had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. Aha, she thought, I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it. Voila, one cheap wedding present." She took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on. The silversmith examined the tray carefully, shook his head and said, "Lady, this can only be done so many times!" -<>- Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven." "I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?" "It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph." -<>- Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said. "It's my old Plymouth!" -<>- When my husband and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?" The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked again, "How much of a wait?" The woman looked up and said, "About ten minutes." A short time later, we heard an announcement over the loud- speaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is ready." -<>- After eight days of backpacking with my wife Linda, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles. "Terry," she said, "does my hair make me look like a water buffalo?" I thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell you the truth, do you promise not to charge?" -<>- A German farmer with relatives in the US promised them some fresh pork sausages made by hand from his very own stock of pigs. But as the weeks went by they gave him a call to com- plain that the package had not yet arrived. He told them, "Don't worry. The wurst is yet to come." ========================================================= >-->From Laugh&Lift: .--. /-. \ < ^ `D/ \_ ( )_/;. _ __|_, \\ ,(_I_______)\ //`-----\ \ // \____/\ // / / // _____ / /\ \ .---n-. //'` `\/ / \ \ _____|_"_~_|___// /\ \ \ \ / / \ / \ `\__...--' _\__\ \_/\ \\\\\\\\\\\\'-\__/--===-\__/-'`,,,,,,,,(____\,,,(__/,,,,,,, \\\jgs\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ >Cutting your grass this weekend? "Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual four-step chemical dependency. Imagine the conversation St. Francis might have had with The Creator about this: "Lord, I know You know everything and so You know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff You started eons ago? I know You had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I would have expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles." "It's the tribes that settled there, Frank. The Suburbanites. They started calling My flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with grass." "Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?" "Apparently so. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn." "I see, Lord. The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy." "Apparently not. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it - sometimes twice a week." "They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?" "Not exactly. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags." "They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?" "No. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away." "Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?" "Yes." "These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when You cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work." "You aren't going believe this Frank. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it." "What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius Lord. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life." "You better sit down, Frank. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away." "No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?" "After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves." "And where do they get this mulch?" "They cut down trees and grind them up." I can imagine the conversation going on from there, but somehow the whole thing just reminds me of a movie I once saw. I believe the title was "Dumb and Dumber!" _SUBSCRIBE INFO_ Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >25 ways to tell if you're truly a Red Neck 1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. 5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people." 6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this." 8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 10. Your junior prom had a daycare. 11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines." 12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. 19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor. 21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. 22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. 23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V. 24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home. 25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. -<>- \WWW/ / \ /wwwww\ _| o_o |_ \WWWWWWW/ (_ / \ _) _.'` o_o `'._ | \_/ | (_ (_) _) : ~~~~~ : '.'-...-'.' \_____/ (`'---'`) [ ] jgs `"""""` `"""""` >Things to Do in an Elevator 1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap him or her on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on. 5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if he or she has an appointment. 9) Lay down the Twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. 10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask him if he can hear ticking. 11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 12) Ask, "Did you feel that?" 13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing him occasionally. 14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!" 15) Swat at flies that don't exist. 16) Tell people that you can see their aura. 17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" 18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 20) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on." 25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!" ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Real Three Bears http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bears.html Extreme Camping http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Elephant Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephants.html Extraordinary Photos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/extraordinary.html World Of Big Cats http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html Rules For Raising Children http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rulesforchildren.html -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) She sent us one we have here... Friends: Lion, Tiger And Bear http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liontigerbear.html --- ...A cute one for sure! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From our Friend LouiseA :) The Labrador Retriever is an athletic and playful breed of dog that is also noted as one of the most well-behaved. Indeed, the Labrador is the most popular breed of dog in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the United States! It is even used as an assistance dog for the blind, deaf and impaired with great success. But when no one's watching, these usually obedient dogs do the craziest things! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QEK8LS_0Gqk Have you ever gone to a restaurant, ordered the fanciest thing on the menu, and got the most unappealing thing you can think of? Well this is exactly what happened to Mr. Bean, and the way he deals with it made me laugh so hard I could barely hang on to my seat! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=C6QqSxmpRMM Journey with us to Africa, where we meet up with Kevin Richardson, one of the most passionate fighters to save the lions both as individuals and as a species. Watch as he plays with the lions, shows us the savanna, and even introduces us to some other wild animals of Africa along the way! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MNCzSfv4hX8 When you see this kid's high school talent show routine, you'll understand why this video got 2 million views in just one day. You'll believe that it's really Michael Jackson disguised as a teenager. Check out that moon walk! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZTCtpZyulM&feature=player_embedded --- ...Great links! thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The older you get, you're just too tired to care about the same things. Rock concerts...I used to camp out for tickets. Now you could tell me Barbra Streisand is playing for free down the street, and I'd say, 'How far down the street? Let's just stay here and watch the Discovery Channel. C'mon, it's Shark Week!" --Kathleen Madigan "He broke three of my ribs just for not saying hello to him in the morning." --Actor Will Ferrell jokes about working with movie tough guy James Caan on Christmas movie ELF "This is my motto: 'It's a man's world but women run it.'" --Actor Robert Downey, Jr. "Whenever I go to a bar, I always go right up to the most beautiful woman in the room and say, 'You've got something hanging out of your nose.' Hey, since I've got no shot at her, I might as well humble her a little for the next guy." --Michael Hayward "Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." --Robert Orben My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last night it took four state troopers and a dog. "Waiters in New York are now threatening to go on strike. Apparently, they have a union of nothing but waiters. Isn't that the Screen Actors Guild?" --Jay Leno "Lionel Huntz tells Homer: "This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story." --The Simpsons >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************