Terms for Home Seekers And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) . . . . ,-,--. __| //``-, \ \_`\ )\a-a-? \ \ \_`(_=_/_-`__ \__, , \| | _ _,' ___7 ) | (_)(_`__(_,---' | ( _( ) | / /_| |________| __/__/__|__|_________) _________(__,_|)/ (__)|/____\(_______________ mic I am very pleased to announced we have a returning sponsor and a new sponsor for the website www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com. With our summer approaching and Covid-19 restrictions around the country, our returning sponsor may be just the ticket to keep boredom from driving you car tinkerers crazy. It's also a good source for those of you who, like my son, like to save money on car repairs. He likes to find out what his car's problem is at the shop and then locate a quality part for it himself online. This always saves him money over what the shop would charge him, and he's assured he gets what he is paying for which is a new, not used, quality replacement part! This company is great! Search from over 10 Million Auto Parts at always 80% off product list prices! Be sure to check them out here... ___ _____________________ d8888 888______888_888888P' d8'888 888 /\ 888 A 888 ,oo. ,d8' 888 888,' `.888/ \888 d8PY8b ,d8Y'__888 888______888___888 Y8bd8P 8888888888 888888888888 888 d8b `""' [888P""Y888 888888888888,--888] Y8P 88P db Y8P Y8888888888P db Y8= o \ YP / \ YP / bmw `--' `--' Dealer Alternative Parts Geek https://www.partsgeek.com/ Our newest sponsor is HP. They are sure to provide you with the absolute best computer technology, repair and service. Their vision is to create technology that makes life better for everyone, everywhere - every person, every organization, and every community around the globe. They won't stop pushing ahead, because you won't stop pushing ahead. You're reinventing how you work. How you play. How you live. With their technology, you'll reinvent your world. This is their calling. This is a new HP. Keep reinventing. ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 .d88 8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888 8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo 8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8 8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8 8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88 8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888 8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888 8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888 8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888 8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888 8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888 8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888 8 d8888888888 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888 d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888 d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888 d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888 dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b Save up to 45% on select products, plus get free shipping and easy returns. Check out all their fine products here: https://www.hp.com/us-en/shop/cat/desktops Be sure to check out both of these fine companies! You can always be assured that I only go with the best for you! Why? Because I care About you! :) -<>- >2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our too hot to handle new page is from our friend Linda. These photographers are excellent at giving us the most hilarious shots capturing the moment perfectly just for our amusement. Be sure to give this one some of your time for added Smiles for your day. ___ / _ \ | / \ | | \_/ | \___/ ___ _|_|_/[_]\__==_ [---------------] | O /---\ | | | | | | \___/ | [---------------] [___] | |\\ | | \\ [ ] \\_ /|_|\ ( \ //| |\\ \ \ // | | \\ \ \ // |_| \\ \_\ // | | \\ //\ | | /\\ // \ | | / \\ // \ | | / \\ // \|_|/ \\ // [_] \\ // H \\ // H \\ // H \\ // H \\ // H \\ // \\Elissa Potier // \\ Right Angle Photography 8! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto8.html --- ...Lots of chuckles here! Thanks Linda! This sizzling hot new page is from our friends PatDeE and LouiseAu. Considered one of the best emails, it is however, one that is hard to view, but really makes you think. You'll love it's positive and inspirational messages along with the adorable nature videos. Take a few minutes to check this one out here... _____ / \/_ //\__(\_\ |\ ^ ^ | .//_O \O_ \ \_ (_) / \ \_/ / __/\ /\__ / \ \ / / \ / \/\/\/ \ / | . | \ / | . | \ JRO You Are Blessed http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blessed.html --- ...Very thought provoking and sweet! Thanks my friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ___ __//_\\__ ___________ _-~ ~ ~ ~-_ ,-~~ ~~-, ,/ \, `-__ ,- ,- ,-__-' `-__ __-' | ~~~~~~~~~~~ | | ~~~~~~~~~~~ | | ,- _ _ ,- | | ,- _ _ ,- | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | -rmcn | | | | | | | | | | | | -Ross McNab- | | | | | | | | | | | | | `- `_ `_ `- | | `- `_ `_ `- | `-__ __-' `-__ __-' ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then the new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful after- school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action. The following afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." ____.-.____ [___________] (d|||||||||||b) `|||TRASH|||` ||||||||||| ||||||||||| ||||||||||| ||||||||||| jgs `"""""""""` The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession is really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" "A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the wise old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days. -<>- A group of elementary school students were on a field trip to the local police station. Several of the children were fascinated by the wanted posters on the wall. Little Billy raised his hand and asked the police officer giving them the tour who the people on the wall were. "Those are pictures of criminals we are looking for," answered the policeman. "We call those wanted posters." Little Billy looked puzzled. His hand shot back up into the air. "Well," he wondered, "why didn't you just keep them when you took their pictures?" -<>- A racehorse owner asked his jockey why he didn't ride his mount through a hole when it opened up just before the final turn. "I tried," replied the jockey. "But it is impossible to go through a hole that is going faster than your horse." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 12 is Big Wind Day, Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day, National Library Workers Day, National Licorice Day, International Day of Human Space Flight / Russian Cosmonaut Day, Ramadan - begins at sundown and Walk on Your Wild Side Day April 13 is International Plant Appreciation Day, National Peach Cobbler Day and Scrabble Day April 14 is International Be Kind to Lawyers Day, Ex Spouse Day, International Moment of Laughter Day, Look up at the Sky Day, National Bookmobile Day, National Dolphin Day, National Pecan Day and Reach as High as You Can Day April 15 is Income Taxes Due (most years, it's on the 15th extended to May 17, 2021), National High Five Day, Rubber Eraser Day, Take a Wild Guess Day, That Sucks Day, Titanic Remembrance Day and World Art Day April 16 is Mushroom Day, National Bean Counter Day, National Eggs Benedict Day, National Librarian Day, National Stress Awareness Day and Save the Elephant Day April 17 is Bat Appreciation Day, Blah, Blah, Blah Day, Herbalist Day, Husband Appreciation Day, International Haiku Poetry Day, National Cheeseball Day, Record Store Day and World Circus Day April 18 is International Juggler's Day (also applies to multi tasking office workers), Newspaper Columnists Day and Pet Owners Independence Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: _ ( | | __,--./|.--,__ .` \ \ / / `. .` \ | / `. / / ^|^ \ \ / / | |o | \ \ /===/ | | | \===\ /___/ | |o | \___\ | | | | |o | | | | | |o | | | | | |o | jgs |_____/\_____| A man is on trial for stealing clothes. The judge went straight to the point. "Did you steal this man's shirt?" he demanded. "No sir," the defendant replied, with a grin. "I was just playing a joke on him." "And where did you take the shirt?" asked the judge. "I removed it from his car while he was in the restaurant and carried it home with me." "Guilty," snapped the judge. "Guilty! Guilty of what?" asked the defendant. "Guilty of carrying a joke too far!" -<>- Father: Look at all these bills! Taxes, rent, telephone, clothes, food. The cost of living is going up everywhere. I'd be happy if just one thing went down. Little Johnny: Dad, here's my report card. -<>- A man called his neighbor to help move a couch that was stuck in the doorway. They got on either end of the couch and struggled until they were exhausted, but the couch wouldn't budge. "Forget it," the man finally gasped. "We'll never get this in." A frustrated voice came from the other end of the couch: "IN?!?!" -<>- Two years after my heart attack, I was teaching my college course when I felt discomfort in my chest. I paused the class to pop my medication and felt better quickly. "Now, if I ever do have a heart attack," I told my students, "I will give extra credit to whoever gives me CPR." One of them shouted out, "How much?" -<>- Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my daughter and her children were awed by the sight. The kids were especially curious about the votive candles, so my daughter asked if they'd each like to light one. She explained that is it customary to say a prayer of petition or thanks, and she was careful to tell them that these are not like birthday candles. "Do you have any questions?" she asked. "No," said the 5-year-old, "but if there's a pony outside, it's mine." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) , /), (( -.((_)) _,) ,\`.'_ _`-',' `.> <> <> (,- ,', | `._,) (( ) |, (`--' `'( ) _--_,-.\ SSt /,' \( ) `' (( `\ ` >SMILES: A man went to his doctor and said, "Help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is getting worse." The doctor asked the man to look out the window. "Tell me what you see," he said, pointing. "I see the sun," the man replied. The doctor turned to him and asked, "Just how much farther do you want to see?" ---------- A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. "This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Frobisher's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?" The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding." ---------- Two farmers where discussing who had the meanest dog. One who had a very mean looking Doberman insisted that his was the meanest and that it could lick any other dog in the county. The second just looked at his mangy old yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any dog in the country. Well after some animated discussion they finally decided to let the dogs fight it out. After a very short snarling match the old yellow dog leaps on the Doberman and kills it outright. The first farmer was aghast. His dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than a small scratch or two. He turns to the other farmer and asks, "What kind of dog did you say that was?" The first farmer replies, "Well before he lost his tail we called him a Mountain Lion!" ---------- A customer called our airline's reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card. As is our normal policy with all customers, my co-worker asked him, "Would you please spell the name as it appears on your card, sir?" The customer replied, "Oh, sure! V - I - S - A." ---------- The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a cannibal tribe. The missionary asked the cannibal chief, "Do you people know anything about religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here." ---------- -------______ | ) +++++. | \' ental+ | Q rgeon+ | )C ~\/\ +++++' | \\_ \ ___ | \_77 |\ | EJM 96 | |`` \ \ | ------- """ ~ ~ o-o I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class, some 30-odd years ago Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Northmont high school. “Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a thunderbolt,” he said gleaming with pride. “When did you graduate?” I asked. He answered, “in 1985. Why do you ask?” “You were in my class!”, I exclaimed. He looked at me closely, then, the ugly, old, bald, wrinkle-faced, fat, gray-haired, decrepit fool asked, “What did you teach?” ---------- A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me." As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too." The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water." "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too." The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water." "Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?" The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue." --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ,,,,, \ e e\ C _\/ |\\, )\_) \_ / _/|/_ _// ,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \ / \_/ / / , | \_._,-" ( < _' | \ \ ', -',-~.-' _/ ) | |// | ' ' ) | | | | ._., - |.,_ // _\-' )___|__|_ '-._ b'ger /____\__\ >'OLD' IS WHEN... 'OLD' IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!' 'OLD' IS WHEN.. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. 'OLD' IS WHEN... A hot babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door, 'OLD' IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police 'OLD' IS WHEN. .. 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today. 'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot. 'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom. AND 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are not sure these are jokes --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- A Wonderful Email About One of the World's Greatest. Enjoy I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART. They asked Bob Hope where he wanted to be buried... Bob Hope replied: "Surprise me." I had forgotten that he lived to be 100, and also didn't realize it has been over 17 years since he died (May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003). This is a tribute to a man who DID make a difference. _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb >BOB HOPE... ON TURNING 70 - "I still chase women, but only downhill." ON TURNING 80 - "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing." ON TURNING 90 - "You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." ON TURNING 100 - " I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER (BOXING) - "I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them." ON GOLF - "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees." ON PRESIDENTS - "I have performed for 12 presidents but entertained only six." ON WHY HE CHOOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER - "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, congratulations, you have an 8 pound ham." ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL - "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it." ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY - "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother." ON HIS SIX BROTHERS - "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom." ON HIS EARLY FAILURES - "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me." ON GOING TO HEAVEN – "I have done benefits for ALL religions. I would hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality." Dear Lord - Please give me a sense of humor, give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life, and pass it on to other folk. To the person receiving this, please have the grace to pass it on to others. Learn from yesterday, live for today, keep one hand on your wallet and don't worry about tomorrow and watch out for democrats trying to put their hands in your pocket! --- ...HaHa! A Great tribute to a great man. Thanks LouiseAu! Here is a page on his home. If you hadn't seen this before, this just may surprise you... Bob Hopes Home! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobhopehome.html ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ____________________________________________________ |____________________________________________________| | __ __ ____ ___ || ____ ____ _ __ | || |__ |--|_| || |_| |||_|**|*|__|+|+||___| || | | ||==|^^||--| |=||=| |=*=||| |~~|~| |=|=|| | |~||==| | || |##|| | | || | |JRO|||-| | |==|+|+||-|-|~||__| | ||__|__||__|_|_||_|_|___|||_|__|_|__|_|_||_|_|_||__|_| ||_______________________||__________________________| | _____________________ || __ __ _ __ _ | ||=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=| __..\/ | |_| ||#||==| / /| || | | | | | | | | | | |/\ \ \\|++|=| || ||==| / / | ||_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_/_/\_.___\__|_|__||_||__|/_/__| |____________________ /\~()/()~//\ __________________| | __ __ _ _ \_ (_ . _/ _ ___ _____| ||~~|_|..|__| || |_ _ \ //\\ / |=|__|~|~|___| | | | ||--|+|^^|==|1||2| | |__/\ __ /\__| |==|x|x|+|+|=|=|=| ||__|_|__|__|_||_|_| / \ \ / / \_|__|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |_________________ _/ \/\/\/ \_ _______________| | _____ _ __ |/ \../ \| __ __ ___| ||_____|_| |_|##|_|| | \/ __| ||_|==|_|++|_|-||| ||______||=|#|--| |\ \ o / /| | |~| | | ||| ||______||_|_|__|_|_\ \ o / /_|_|__|_|__|_|_||| |_________ __________\___\____/___/___________ ______| |__ _ / ________ ______ /| _ _ _| |\ \ |=|/ // /| // / / / | / ||%|%|%| | \/\ |*/ .//____//.// /__/__/ (_) / ||=|=|=| __| \/\|/ /(____|/ // / /||~|~|~|__ |___\_/ /________// ________ / / ||_|_|_| |___ / (|________/ |\_______\ / /| |______| / \|________) / / | | >Did you know your local library does this? Did you know there are lots of ways your library can keep money in your pocket besides with free DVDs, CDs, or books. Many libraries try to make reading more fun by offering complimentary book club kits, which would include 8 - 15 copies of the book you choose, plus a discussion guide. Most libraries have expanded their career services to include resume-writing software, expert assistance with applications, and workshops. To find out if your library offers any of the above simply visit the front desk of your local library. -<>- >What can you do to help keep your clothes stain-free? To help your clothes stay stain-free, it's a good idea to keep clean your iron every few months. Make sure your iron is cold before cleaning and unplugged. Make a paste of 1 tbs. water and 2 tbs. baking soda, then use a spatula to spread the paste on to the plate of the iron. Let it sit for 5 - 10 minutes, then wipe clean with a damp cloth. Or you can use a fabric steam and get rid of your iron and ironing board. -<>- >Need unsalted nuts for a recipe, but only have salted ones? No problem... simply drop them into a pot of boiling water and cook for about a minute. Drain them and then spread the nuts out on a baking sheet and back at 200 degrees until dry. About 5 minutes. --- ____ |____| |\___|\. \|____\| \ / \/ /\ / \ ...Do you have dirty plastic outside chairs to clean? I left mine out all Fall and winter like normal and like normal they were caked with dirt and set in grime by Spring. The last time, my grandson set to scrubbing them clean with dish soap but this year I was looking for a better more easy method. So, like they say, 'Look it up dear' - I did, and found a pretty easy method of cleaning the suckers. The video said to use a spray of bleach. So I brought them in and worked with them in my tub. I can't have bleach on my porch or grass - it would kill the grass. I had to use a towel to cover my mouth and some of my eyes and vent the bathroom real good. Spray them with bleach and let them sit for about 15-30 minutes. Scrub with a soft nylon or plastic brush and rinse good. Any remaining black, spray again with bleach and let sit. Rinse and let drip or rub with a soft cloth dry. They all got cleaned and look almost new! They are definitely well over 10 years old, so they show scuffs and stuff but turned white again. Nice. Easier than trying to scrub the dirt off - which never worked as good. Anyway, here is the video I saw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibb8qCDP550 After they were clean and dry, I used 'Wet Tire' (or any clear protectant) to give them a shine and protection from getting so dirty again and put them back on the porch. That Wet Tire is great for shower doors after cleaning them too - gives them a shine and protects them from getting as dirty so quickly again. When using Wet Tire, spray it on 2 or 3 folded up paper towels to apply it on so you can discard the towels. It is a high petroleum base product so not something you want in your laundry. Bury it in your trash, so you don't have to smell it so much. Always Vent the bathroom real good too. Hope this gives you some smiles for your day. :) ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Justice With Judge Jeanine 4/10/21 https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x80jqy6 Watter's World 4/10/21 https://tinyurl.com/cz7ajucr Hannity 4/9/21 https://www.fox.com/watch/ec2606be3b631f1ed89d58727405370b/ The drama being played out behind closed doors and away from the public, was no doubt a reaffirmation of America’s principles as defined within our Founding Documents, that radical and dangerous doctrines such as Sharia Law or any ideology that contradicts basic human rights, will not be a part of America’s curriculum within our public schools. The 5-4 ruling illustrated just how important the election of President Trump was and his pick of Judge Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court. The Supreme Court is finally doing its job. slam is being banned from public schools. Judge Gorsuch is an American hero with just this one move... https://tinyurl.com/r7bshkh2 Biden Admin Spending $60 Million a Week to House Unaccompanied Minors - The federal government is housing more than 16,000 unaccompanied migrant children and teenagers in temporary shelters for a staggering cost of $60 million a week. A record influx of minor children arriving at the border without parents or guardians has prompted the Biden administration to scramble to create 10 emergency facilities at convention centers and... https://tinyurl.com/85ewtypf National Guard Called Out in Minneapolis Again / CDC Names Racism as Serious Public Health Threat / Biden Unveils Commission to Pack the Supreme Court / Witmer Aid Flees MI to Frolic in Mask Free Florida Despite Travel Ban / 18 Days into Being in Charge of the Border, Harris Holds Zero Press Conferences / Biggest Drop in the Middle Class in 30 Years / Biden Mulls Cash Bribes to Stop Wave of Migrants And More https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Dr. Fauci Admits He Can’t Comprehend These Latest Shocking COVID Statistics / Governor Abbott Just Sent This Strong Message to / Dr. Fauci Just Had This Shocking Thing to Say About Vaccine Passports And MORE: https://deepstatejournal.com/ Baron Von Zuckerberg Just Announced Facebook Vaccination Shaming / COME ON! Moscow Mitch Just Defended Fauci The Fraud / Biden’s Gatekeeper Refusing To Stop Lying About Biden’s Lying / The CDC Just Walked Everything Back / FBI Just Issues A MAJOR Warning About The Vaccine Card! And More: http://2020conservative.com/ Latest From Independent Minute: https://independentminute.com/ Latest From TPN News: https://threepercenternation.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Turkey Linked to Salmonella Outbreak http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: "For hours, I was just shook because that's not something that you see every day," said Sammy Trinh of Cincinnati. What had Sammy so shook up was the sight of several hairy figures clambering in a tree across from her house. Soon, the police began receiving calls about several sighting of the mysterious figures around the Cincinnati area. But what were they? Trinh said the video she took shows three monkeys in a tree. Another woman also said she saw one of the monkeys. "I thought the monkeys was gone I started making jokes showing my mom. My mom thought I was crazy. I said, 'look there's monkeys out here.' Then I heard it making the noises, not 'ooh ooh aah aah' stuff, but grunts, so I didn't know what it was," Alycha Tucker said. "I just stood there as my eyes adjusted to pitch blackness and that is when I saw it, just standing there, taller than garbage can, and its arms were real long hanging down and its arms are real skinny." The Cincinnati Zoo said none of their monkeys were missing. "We have received lots of inquiries and want to make sure people know that all primates being cared for at the Cincinnati Zoo are here and never left!" zoo officials said in a statement. "The Cincinnati Police Department received reports from private citizens that they saw monkeys in the Price Hill area late last night, but they have not been able to find any." Police did not spot any of the monkeys, leaving the monkey mystery still open. --- ...I found the video of them here Just For You :) https://tinyurl.com/3mzjberc -<>- They love their Cheerios in Minnesota. So much so that when a 10-year-old boy discovered there were no Cheerios left in the house he did the only thing he could think of in such a critical moment. He stole his parents' minivan to drive to the store. Things were actually going pretty well until he started to get chased by the police. A 10-year-old Stillwater boy who led police on a chase in his parents' minivan says he was headed to the store to buy Cheerios. Local news reported that a police officer spotted the boy driving the van around 9:30 p.m. Sunday and knew immediately he was either 10 or 11 years old. The boy fled when the officer activated his emergency lights, leading police on a chase that reached speeds of 50 mph. At one point he drove through an intersection and a residential yard in reverse, narrowly missing a tree. Police eventually blocked his path, ending the chase. No one was hurt. The boy told police he was headed to Target or a downtown Stillwater co-op to buy Cheerios for breakfast. His parents told police they were sleeping and had no idea he had taken their van. *--- Change for the better ---* Sometimes It's tempting to say, 'F___ this job, I'm outta here' when you're working at a job you really hate. But the way you leave a job can have consequences, especially if the person you are working for, or WERE working for, has a mean streak of his own, as the man in today's story found out when he received his last paycheck in the form of 90,000 pennies. *--- His diapers fit like a glove ---* Doctors say a child in Iraq is the first to be born with three p%nises. The unidentified child, from Duhok city, Iraq, has a rare condition called triphallia and it was only diagnosed after three months when his parents discovered swelling in his scrotum and "two skin projections". Stunned doctors later realized that those skin projections were actually p%nises - 2cm and 1cm in length - with only one of the extra two having a head. Doctors first diagnosed supernumerary p%nises over 400 years ago after a baby was born with two. The condition is said to affect one in every five to six million births, with both p%nises working in some cases. But experts say this boy's rare condition is the first case ever reported in the world. *--- Driving Under The Influence of Whipped Cream? A woman was charged with driving under the influence after consuming whipped cream. Police said that 28-year-old Anna Thomas of Franklin, Tennessee, used cans of aerosol whipped cream to get high. She was charged with driving under the influence after crashing her car. When police arrived, Thomas was disoriented. Officers found 13 cans of whipped cream scattered inside the vehicle. Almost all of the bottles were empty. No pie was discovered. *--- Man runs from Disneyland to Disney World ---* A Texas man has become the first person to run from Disney- land in California to Walt Disney World in Florida, a journey of about 2,761 miles. Don Muchow, 59, of Plano, said he began his run on Feb. 1, 2020, and had planned to complete the run in about 90 days, but the coronavirus pandemic led to some unexpected delays. He said the run still took about 90 days, but those days were spread out over the course of 14 months for safety reasons. Muchow said the run was aimed at raising awareness of Type 1 diabetes. "I never considered quitting even once," Muchow reported. Muchow was greeted by a crowd of supporters, including Disney World employees, when he arrived at the park, but his original plan of spending the day at the Magic Kingdom will have to wait for coronavirus precautions to ease. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: \| ... -:. //||\\ _. `::::' Q Q ``::::::+. ._"__.' \ ____ `==' _._ .' ` .' .:- .-. ` .' '.') ' _` /||. __.--|_.' ' : ( \/' /\\ /,=-U' ' : `. `. /U ' ' . ( -._.---" ....-----( ' . ` -. ) .%\%:%\ '`. ` ` .' _ ( .%::%:%:%:....--`--..-' \ ( ``-.\%:%'' \ \ \\ ""\\-' `. \ `:-=/) `( ) ` .aa. / a:f_______________________________ a888a _________ ______... .."\Y8y .......------"""""" __.. . \\ -.o_ . __..--'' .-' `+ () `-' __..---""" ..........|_ `-. . '' ....:::::::::::::.\.' ) . .-' ````::::::''''.""" . .-' . . . . >Leaning Left A friend always seemed to lean slightly to the left. It bothered me, so I suggested that he see a doctor and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused, telling me I was crazy, but last week, he finally went. Sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was a half-inch shorter than his right. A bit of orthopedic surgery later, both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans. "So," I said, "you didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg." He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected." -<>- >The Atom Joke Two atoms are walking down the street. One says, "I think I lost an electron. The other says, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive." -<>- >Blind Shopping A blind man and his seeing eye dog walk into a grocery store. They go straight to the middle of the store and the man picks up his dog and starts to spin him around in circles. The store manager comes up to the man and says, "Umm... excuse me sir can I help you?" The blind man says, "No, I'm just looking around!" -<>- >Trouble With Cooking Two bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way -- "Take a clean dish..." -<>- ______ ,-' ; ! `-. / : ! : . \ |_ ; __: ; | )| . :)(. ! | |" (##) _ | | : ;`' (_) ( | : : . | )_ ! , ; ; | || . . : : | |" . | : . | |mt-2_;----.___| >Q and A Quickies Q: Did you hear about the inventor of the door knocker? A: He won a no bell prize. Q: Why did the projector blush? A: It saw the filmstrip. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. _____ ____ `----,\ ) `--==\\ / `--==\\/ .-~~~~-.Y|\\_ @_/ / 66\_ | \ \ _(") \ /-| ||'--' jgs \_\ \_\\ Q: What would happen if pigs could fly? A: Bacon would go up. Q: What's the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid? A: "No, she isn't." Q: Which Knight makes pottery? A: Sir Amic. ========================================================= >-->From my hubby Paul :) >Don’t fall for it Don’t you hate it when you know something... that turns out to be wrong? Well, when it comes to misinformation about healthy eating, it’s not your fault. There’s a TON of confusing and contradictory information about food out there... And a lot of it is flat-out wrong. So, today I wanted to clear up a few food myths that my clients ask me about all the time. .-~-. .' '. / \ .-~-. : ; .' '.| | / \ : : ; .-~""~-,/ | /` `'. : | \ \ | / `. .' \ .' jgs `~~~` '-.____.-' * MYTH #1: Don’t eat eggs — they’ll raise your cholesterol. This is 100% false. If you follow this “advice,” then you’re cheating yourself out of a delicious and inexpensive source of protein. The truth is, the benefits of eggs — especially omega-3 and pastured eggs — far outweigh the negatives. Now, it is true that egg yolks contain cholesterol. However, very little of the dietary cholesterol in eggs actually makes its way into your bloodstream. But eggs are a great source of Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, Vitamin A, and Vitamin B6. Plus, a single egg supplies you with 12% of your daily protein. And starting your day with a protein boost will not only make you feel full faster — you might end up eating fewer calories throughout the day :) \ / \\ // )\-/( /e e\ ( =Y= ) /`-!-'\ ____/ /___\ \ \ / ``` ```~~"--.,_ `-._\ / `~~"--.,_ ----->| `~~"--.,_ _.-'/ \ ~~"--.,_ /jgs\_________________________,,,,....----""""~~~~```` * MYTH #2: Cooking vegetables destroys their nutritional value. This is definitely not true. Some vegetables actually NEED to be cooked... or your body can’t access all their nutrients. You see, plant cells have thick walls — and all the nutrients are trapped behind those walls. But cooking weakens the cell walls — and lets your body use the good stuff. For example, tomatoes are rich in lycopene, an incredibly powerful antioxidant that helps keep your cells healthy. But researchers found that cooking tomatoes actually increased the amount of lycopene your body could use by 35% The same goes for carrots! Cooking carrots increases the amount of beta-carotene, which helps your body produce Vitamin A — crucial for healthy vision, a strong immune system, and greater bone strength. Other vegetables, like spinach, peppers, and asparagus, also release more of their powerful nutrients and antioxidants when you cook them. To get the best results, you should steam, roast, or saute vegetables. That way you get all the benefits, without sacrificing any of the delicious natural flavors. .--------------------------------. \\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\\ \\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \\\___\___\___\___\___\___\___\___\\ \\\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\__/\\ \\\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \\\___^___^___^___^___^___^___^___\\ \`--------------------------------' \______________________________/ VK * MYTH #3: Frozen veggies are less nutritious than fresh. This may shock you... But frozen vegetables are sometimes MORE nutritious than fresh ones! Here’s why: Fresh veggies are often harvested long before they reach their peak. This way, they can continue to ripen — instead of spoiling — as they travel to your local grocery store. Unfortunately, this causes the health-boosting enzymes in these veggies to degrade. As a result, they have less nutritional value by the time you eat them. On the other hand, veggies that are destined for the frozen food section are harvested closer to their nutritional and ripeness peak. Then, they’re quickly frozen, which locks in and preserves their nutritional value! To your present and future health, Amy Lee, MD Head of Nutrition ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ... {@} * {@} {@} * {@} * {@} : * {@} * {@} * .; {@} * {@} * {@} * {@} * ; * ; {@} * ; * : ;\ \ \ \| / / /; \\ \ Y/ / / `_\ |/ _' / \\Y// \ ( ,-}={-, ) \_//((\_/ //))(\ (/ )) (( valkyrie \) I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.' When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work. "Just where do you think you're going?" she asked. "What do you mean?" I said. She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: "Thanks for putting up with me. So long." -<>- I came home one night and my wife was crying. I said, "what's wrong?" She said, "I'm home sick." I said, "But, this IS your home." "I know," she replied, "and I'm sick of it!" -<>- At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?" -<>- Two Scotsmen, brothers, Finlay and Jim Calder, were sitting in the pub discussing Jim's big wedding day. "Aye, it's going to be grand," said Jim. "I've got everything organized already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night." Finlay smiled and nodded, approvingly. "Heavens, I've even got a new kilt to be married in," continued Jim with a look of satisfaction. "A kilt, that's grand! You'll look smart in that," exclaimed Finlay, "and what's the tartan?" "Och," uttered Jim, "I imagine she'll be in white." -<>- >Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous. 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. 10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. 12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 16. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now. -<>- .-=-. ////"\\ .=. ( 6 6 ) //"\\ \ - / (/6 6\) _.) (._ )\ = /(-` `:` `\ _(_ ) ( _)-| : |\ \ (_/ `\_/` \ | : |/ / / (_ @ _) \\_ : _/ / \ \)___(/ / |===|_) \/`"""`\/ | L | | | | | | | | | | | |_____| | | | ||| | | | ||| | | | ||| |_|_| jgs / Y \ / T \ `"`"` `"`"` >The 5 toughest questions for men are: 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!") Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh Yeah, tons. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me? ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is always: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality. b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner. c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age. d. Define pretty.. e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@,""""""@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@"- "@@@@@@@@@@ "@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@( ^^^ )@@@@@@@@@ ' @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@( ( 0@@@@@@@@@, (@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@) ) _/@@@@@@@@@@@m "@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@(__/ (@@@@@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@" )@@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@' \@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@' )@@@@@@' A @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ ,@@@@@@@" /@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@, @_____" =, @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@ :',@@@@ `@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ M@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@' `@@@@@@@@@@@@@" ,@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@" / @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@" @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@@@" / @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@@" ," .@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@' .@@ `@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@m `@@@, @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| :@@@@@@@@@m )@@. )@@@@@@@@ unknown Question# 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette!") ========================================================= >-->From LaughAndLift: "The acid test of our faith in the promises of God is never found in the easy-going, comfortable ways of life, but in the great emergencies, the times of storm and of stress, the days of adversity, when all human aid fails." - Ethel Bell The Lift o _ =\.= | \ ='\____/__/....,_ | .' _-; |/;-._ -_,' / \ ``"""` ( | | ^ ^ \ /`'` o _ o \ \_, ' ' | ;. /.__.' / .`._`'._____.'-. /`.| `-,.____.-;\ / | | | \ \ jgs | | '------' | | \ \ | / >Facing Adversity Over and Over (By Alan Smith) [Minor editing] Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and, sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on-this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..." As I read that, I thought about how many of our frustrations come about as the result of having to do something over and over. Let me give you an example. A number of years ago, I was having some back trouble and the doctor told me I needed surgery. I counted down the days until I could find some relief. The surgery went well (in fact, I went home less than 12 hours after surgery), but the recuperation didn't go as planned. Instead of getting relief, I found myself back under the doctor's knife six weeks later. I remember that the greatest source of frustration wasn't the surgery itself. It was the fact that I thought I was getting better, but I had to start all over again. Just when I thought I was making progress, I encountered a setback. I was able to easily muster the emotional strength to face the first surgery, but it was much tougher the second time. I've seen the same thing happen in a number of different areas. I suspect you have, too. Maybe you were hoping to get bills cleared up only to be hit with an unexpected dentist bill or car repair. Maybe it's harsh criticism you're dealing with, a situation at work that's making it difficult to maintain your Christian standards, or perhaps the struggles of dealing with a rebellious child. You think, "I can handle the difficulty I'm going through as long as I can see the light at the end of the tunnel". Only just when you're about at the end of the tunnel and you feel you've taken about all you can take, you realize that there's more adversity ahead and the light is barely visible. I understand; I've been there. The Christian life is long and sometimes difficult. There are times we feel we just can't take it anymore and we want to give up, especially when we've had to face the same adversity over and over and over again. May this passage serve as a source of comfort and strength to you: "He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint." (Isa. 40:29-31) I pray that your strength will be renewed this day as you wait upon the Lord. Hang in there! -<>- LAUGHS... { } } { { { } } } }{ { _{ }{ } }_ ( }{ }{ { ) |""---------""| .-, | /""\ /#/ | | _ | _---------//_ | / | | ( / ) | |/ | /""=========""\ | / / (///////////////) | | / \ / | "T" C===========O cww ""---------"" -Bungle- >YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN... - You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you. - You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. - You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House" - You ski uphill. - You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. - You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. - You speed walk in your sleep. - The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You sleep with your eyes open. - You have to watch videos in fast-forward. - You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there. - You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. - The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. - Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. - Instant coffee takes too long. - You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. - You help your dog chase its tail. - You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson. - Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hookup. - You short out motion detectors. - You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. - You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." - You lick your coffee pot clean. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. - You chew on other people's fingernails. - All your kids are named "Joe" - Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low" - You buy 1/2 and 1/2 by the barrel. - You can jump-start your car without cables. - You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. - You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. - You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. - When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty- three more, I'll have a cup." - When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." - Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. - You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. - You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar" - Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. - You can't even remember your second cup. - You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. - Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London. - You can outlast the Energizer bunny. -<>- ___ ,'""""'. ,""" """"' `. ,' _. `._ ,' ,' `"""'. ,' .-""`. ,-' `. ,' ( ,' : ,' ,' __, `. ,""""' .' ;-. , ,' \ `"""". ,' `-( `._(_,' )_ `. ,' ,---. \ @ ; \ @ _,' `. ,-""' ,' ,--'- `;' `. ,' ,' ( `. ,' `. ; ,' \ _,',' `. ,' ; `--' ,' `. ,' ; __ ( , `. ; `____... `78b `. ,' ,' ; ...----'''' ) _.- .d8P `. ,' ,' _....----''' '. _..--"_.-:.-' .' `. ,''. ,' `" mGk "" _.-'' .-'`-.:..___...--' `-._ ,-"' `-' _.--' _.-' .' .' .' `""""" __.-'' _.-' .-' .' / ' _.-' .-' .-' .' _.-' .-' .-' .' .' / _.-' .-' .-' .' .' _.-' .-' .' .' / _.-' .-' .' .' .-' .' >You Know It's Going To Be a Bad Day When... - You see a "60 Minutes" news team in your office. - You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold. - You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city. - Your twin sister forgot your birthday. - Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. - Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat. - Your income tax check bounces. - You put both contact lenses in the same eye. -<>- _.._ .-" "-. / ,- -. \ : ' o o ` ; ; . , : : :-.__.-: ; \ :_: :_: / bug `-._ _.-' "" >Quick Jokes: "Hello, Tech Support." "Hi this is Bob. My computer keeps saying "Can't find the printer" "Okay, have you made any changes recently?" "No, and I don't understand why it's having so much trouble. I even held up the printer in front of the screen, but this dumb machine still says he can't find it!" ----------- An original poem submitted by Bob Wombacher, Jr. `'. .`' ` * . : * *| : ' | || ' `|~'||' v~v~v~v !@!@!@! _!_!_!_!_ | || || | || ||| }{{{{}}}{{{ ejm97 __||__ >"LET US SPRAY" A joy of which I'll not partake Is eating children's birthday cake. To "blow out" candles, in a word, Is really patently absurd: Each puff contains sufficient moisture To propagate your av'rage oyster. So, Birthday-Boy and ditto-Daughter, Withhold from me your whiff of water. I do not need some little squirt To atomize on my dessert. Among the things I will not do Is have my cake and drink it, too. ------------ >5 SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE 1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" 2. Long distance companies don't call you to switch. 3. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. 4. You give blood everyday...just for the orange juice. 5. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments. ---------- My busy mother sometimes accidentally left pots and pans on the stove with the burners on, so she resorted to posting this reminder on the kitchen door: "STOVE?" My sister, back from college, noticed Mother's sign. Beneath it she taped her reply: "No -- DOOR! Trust me. I went to college." -------- Stress is when you wake up screaming.....and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. -------- At the local gas utility written orders are issued to change meters when they are old or malfunctioning. On the order sheet is a "remarks" section, where the service representative notes any problems that prevented the job from being completed. The most succinct explanation to ever come back was: "DOG DOES NOT WANT METER TO BE CHANGED." -------- Husband: "The bank just returned this check." Wife: "Isn't that nice of them? What can we buy with it this time?" -------- _ _ ( Y ) \ / \ / \ /^\ _ ) //^\\ -= (_) =- ( // \\ ) // \\ / \ __ // \\ |=^| // _ \\ __|= |__// (+) \\ /LLLLLLL// ~ \\ /LLLLLLL// \\ /LLLLLLL// \\ /LLLLLLL// |~[|]~| |~[|]~| \\ ^| [|] // | [|] | | [|] | \\ | [|] ^| |_[|]_| |_[|]_| |^ ___|______| | /LLLLLLLLLL|_____________________| /LLLLLLLLLLL/LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL\ /LLLLLLLLLLL/LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL\ ^||^^^^^^^^/LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL\ || |~[|]~|^^||^^^^^^^^^^||^|~[|]~|^||^^ || | [|] | || |~~~~| || | [|] | || || |_[|]_| || | [] | || |_[|]_| || ||__________|| | o| ||_________|| .'||][][][][][|| | [] | ||[][][][][||.'. ."'||[][][][][]||_-`----'-_||][][][][]||"." .(')^(.)(').( )'^@/-- -- - --\@( )'( ).(( )^(.) '( )^(`)'.(').( )@/-- -- - -- -\@ (.)'(.),( ).('). ".'.'." ." '.". @/- - --- -- - -\@ '.".'.".'.".'." jgs'' ".".".'.'@/ - -- -- -- -- -\@".'..'".'."'.'.' '.".".''.".''."@/ -- --- --- -- - -\@.".''.".''.".'". >Glossary of Terms for Home Seekers (By Margaret Long) If you are currently perusing those ads in the Real Estate section of your local newspaper in hopes of finding "THE House", here are some terms which you will constantly encounter. A familiarization with these terms may save you hours of fruitless looking. Here they are: Ad Term: What it REALLY Means: "cozy" small "lush landscaping" overgrown "low maintainence yard" concrete "cute starter home" not much, but it's small and cheap "nostalgic" it's OLD "good ventilation" no air conditioning "home with a view" it doesn't face a wall "freeway convenient" you could build a private on-ramp from the backyard! "Hillside property!" Watch Your Step! "Highly upgraded" It has carpets "Older Spanish Style" Adobe hut "Fixer-upper" It's a mess "Needs a little TLC" It's a mess "lots of potential here!" It's a mess "Perfect for children" They can't hurt this one "Mature neighborhood" It's all downhill from here! "Owner desperate" He can't give it away "Close to schools/shopping" Right next door "Must see to believe" This house is unimaginable! SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) World's Largest Monastic Library!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/library.html Space Trivia Facts!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spacetrivia.html God's Sky Paintings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gsky.html Girl Gets New Ear!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/girlgetsear.html Humor With Mailboxes!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mailboxhumor.html High Tech Toys 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys2.html Nanny Animals 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals3.html Me And My Pony!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mypony.html Kids Being Kids 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids2.html Blind Woman Sees!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blindsees.html Undersea Restaurant!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html Guoliang Tunnel Road!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnel.html World's Largest Mirror!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saltlake.html World's Unusual Tunnels!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnels.html Madeira Funchal Airport!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/funchalairport.html Amazing Gibraltar Airport!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/airroad.html Underwater River In Mexico!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html Montreal Mosaicultures Show!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montrealshow.html Amazing Street-Legal Airplane!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/transition.html -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) An entertaining look at some sweet dreamers that is sure to bring a smile to anyone’s face that loves animals. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NzEhvdHMX0 Some of these pets are also a little grumpy and upset at having their sleep disturbed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPrTHSzUPFE --- ...How cute! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- This video, shot in South Africa during a safari tour, shows us the most amazing dance of life and death between Lions, Buffalos and Crocodiles. This is one video you have to see to believe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LU8DDYz68kM Choreographer and Dancer Phillip Chbeeb performs a beautiful and amazing dance routine with Renee Kester that is so cool you'll want to watch it twice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=qk00gbDwGqM --- ...Fascinating! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Big Cats and Catnip? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tklx3j7kgJY Watch Big Cats Live Cam https://explore.org/livecams/big-cat-rescue/big-cat-rescue-tiger-lake 500 high school choir students sing the U.S. National Anthem in a high-rise hotel. Each night before curfew they gather on their balconies to sing the Star-Spangled Banner from the balconies of the 18-story atrium at Louisville's downtown Hyatt Regency as part of the Kentucky Music Educators convention. Absolutely beautiful - note how silent the audience is. Hey Lady Gaga, Roseanne (Ugh!) Barr, Steven Tyler, ad nausea, pay attention - this is how the anthem should be sung! http://www.chonday.com/Videos/anthofius3 This is What "Broke" Looks Like? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L5hn5B8TYI --- ...HaHa! Love These! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Cloie :) MARCEL MARCEAU - WHO KNEW? https://tinyurl.com/jcwzp36y --- ...Wonderful History! Thanks Cloie! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study reports that older women are doing more and more binge drinking. I asked my mom if that was true and she said, 'I love you, man.'" -Conan O'Brien "A 16-year-old boy in Bosnia broke a world record this week by smashing 111 concrete blocks with his head in 34 seconds. Get an Xbox! You don't have to do that. When asked how it felt to break the world record, the boy said, 'Lampshade tricycle is my favorite flavor of pizza truck.'" -James Corden "Arby's is facing multiple lawsuits currently, after a data breach exposed the credit card information of over 350,000 customers. The data breach could reveal potentially embarrassing information, like the fact that they ate at Arby's." -Seth Meyers "Industry experts are speculating that Chipotle could be planning to add breakfast options. Of course, Chipotle already has a breakfast option. It's the half a burrito you woke up next to." -Seth Meyers "A school in Tennessee is facing criticism for separating students with bad grades from students with good grades at lunch. That's crazy! You don't use grades to separate kids. Everyone knows that kids should be separated by clothes, looks, and how much money their parents make." -Jimmy Fallon "Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober." -Conan O'Brien "Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by the end of the century. On the bright side, they say it could happen much sooner." -Conan O'Brien "It's the first day of spring, so congratulations to the people of Nebraska, who survived winter. Now all you've got to do is get through severe thunderstorm and tornado season." -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************