Thank You Packers ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ -=- (\ _ /) (`\(")/') (`/\') \\/^\// / \ hjw / \ `-._.-' *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) We've got two super hot red ones for today! Both are inspirational delights. The first one comes from our friend Becky. Since my mom was a disabled seamstress, this one particularly hit home. Be sure to check this one out and watch the neat video! Attitude Is Everything 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude4.html --- ...I want one of her quilts! So beautiful! Thanks Becky! -<>- This next one is from our friend PatDeE. It left me totally awed and stunned. What an amazing girl! You will find the video on this one too truly a blessing! Akiane Child Prodigy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html --- ...Wow! This left me thrilled! Thank You PatDeE! Paul and I wonder how we hadn't heard of her before this! -<>- _ ______ / `'. ,-"` '. / /'-.'. ___ .' \ \/ '.\.' ' | .| .'`\ | /`"'--., / \ , _.--'` \/_ | ,----.| _ `_--;` ``` `\-. | | \ | -- C -- _/ \ \ | \ 0 0 / . | | \| ) | '. _.' |.__/ ; \ `'---` / / __ '. .' | (__) /'-._____,-` \ /---'.-""-.\ '. / ||,- \\ ;---`;-._||-= |\ , ."""-. \ ) `|'.___.' \ ___ \'. / '-. \ /`-`-; / \ ,/ `) \ \| \ `` | | \|| / /'.| )_ / || | | \/ .' \ \ .-'/ ` |` |.-' .-~ ~-~-._ |.'` \ ` '-. \___/,__/ ~` _ `~~-., `-.,_\_)`-.,_\) `~-,___ ~___~,,..-~~/ jgs \___/`\____/'._.' *~* We've Had A GREAT Month Of Caring And Sharing! Be Sure To Visit And Pass These On To Your Friends And Family: Venice Of Holland! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gvillage.html Attitude Is Everything 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude3.html Sweet Wooden Car! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcar.html Life's Little Oops 8! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html John Scapes' Basement! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html Stuck Animals! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stuck.html Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Snow Fun! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowfun.html *~* SPECIAL THANKS AND HUGS TO ALL OUR ANGELS AND CONTRIBUTORS! --- You are truly part of God's Best --- ============================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: Boy That Deer Can Kick! . _, |`\__/ / \ . .( | __T| / | _.---=======' | What do you call a deer that can kick // {} a ball with his left and right feet? `| , , {} \ /___; ,' ) ,-;` `\ // | / ( ;|| ||`\\ ||| bambidextrus || \\ ||| jgs )\ )\ )|| `" `" `"" ================================================================= +------------- Bizarre February Holidays --------------+ February 1 is Serpent Day February 2 is Purification Day February 3 is Cordova Ice Worm Day February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day February 5 is Disaster Day February 6 is Lame Duck Day February 7 is Charles Dickens Day February 8 is Kite Flying Day February 9 is Toothache Day February 10 is Umbrella Day ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend James :) Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. ~ Maurice Chevalier (New York Times, October 9, 1960) -<>- ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >Clever high schoolers At a high school in Montana, a group of students played a prank – they let three goats loose in the school. But, before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, 4. School Administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3. --- ...Boy that was a prank for sure - get them in deeper! Thanks James! -<>- There will be no Groundhog day tomorrow...! They cannot find his burrow... --- ...LOL! No kidding! A Good One! Thanks James! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) | | | _ | | <_> | | | | | `-._ | |`-._| | | _________________________________|____ `-._ `-._ | `-._ `-._ | kat `-._ `-._ >THANK YOU Green Bay Packers Every Red Blooded American should jump in line to support the Green Bay Packers! The Packers defeated the Chicago Bears on Sunday afternoon thus earning them the opportunity to go to the Super Bowl. By doing so, they saved the Hard-Working, Red Blooded, Taxpaying Americans literally several million dollars of tax money. How you say? Simple... we were told that if the Chicago Bears had won that President Obama (and probably his family) would be attending the Super Bowl to cheer on his hometown team. Since the Bears lost...the President won't be attending. The money saved from not using Air Force 1, the limousines, all the additional security, and let's not forget Michelle Obama's entourage, is literally several million dollars! Therefore every American should cheer on the Green Bay Packers at the Super Bowl to show them our gratitude. Oh...and let's not forget to thank Chicago Bear's Quarterback Jay Cutler for his role in the Packer's success! With that said...let's circulate this email to everyone we know so they can understand why they should cheer for America 's team...the Green Bay Packers! --- ...Gotta love the Packers! HAHA! Thanks Johanna! ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Beverly :) _______________________ |\_____________________/| || || || _ _ || || / ) / ) __ |_| || || / -|- / -- | || || `== `== ' || || _____ || ||______________#####__|| jgs |/_____________________\| Good one, if you want to pass this on. Your California friend, Beverly ~~~~~~~~ Go Figure... This year we'll have 4 unusual dates 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, and 11/11/11! Now figure this out, take the last 2 digits of the year u were born & Add them to the age you will be by the END of This Year. You should get 111... --- ...Yeppers! Worked for me! Weird! Thanks Beverly! =================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From Our Friend Jo Ann :) New Bill Gives Obama ‘Kill Switch’ To Shut Down The Internet http://tinyurl.com/2uqks37 --- ...Interesting! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- >From ConservativeOutpost Advancing censorship with dead bodies **Advancing censorship with dead bodies** They are the same people who had entire organizations dedicated to spreading hate and violence filled rhetoric about George W. Bush and said nothing while supporters publicly fantasized about his assassination. They had no comment about pictures (for sale by Getty Images) of a gun pointing at the head of a Sarah Palin cutout, or comments among their supporters wishing she were gang raped. There was no national hand wringing when Montel Williams suggested that Republican congresswoman Michelle Bachmann should slit her wrists, or even cut her own throat. Or when the New Black Panther Party produced a rap song with the lyrics “bang for freedom”, “put the bang right into a cracker’s face”, etc. Or when pro-gay marriage demonstrators vandalized eighteen businesses in Santa Cruz. Nothing but crickets on the left. Read The Rest Here: http://www.conservativeoutpost.com/advancing_censorship_dead_bodies -<>- >From TaipanDaily: Taipan Daily: A Sucker Flies Each Minute by Adam Lass, Senior Editor, Taipan Publishing Group Today's column was more difficult than most to get down on paper. We have a good bit of snow again here in the mid-Atlantic, so the schools are closed of course, and everyone is housebound. Back in the dark days of the last century, most kids would be outside for the day trying to bean each other with snowballs or tempting mortal injury on the local sledding hill. And if one's wife wanted to catch up on news and correspondence, she would turn on the radio, and reach for pen and stationary. In these more modern times, what with information convergence and all that, there is instead a long queue for the family's home computer terminal. The kids all want to play games, Mom wants to check the status of the weather and local school system, and they all want to e-mail friends. Read the rest here: http://tinyurl.com/4mtcdss Taipan Daily: The Secret Killer by Adam Lass, Senior Editor, Taipan Publishing Group In times like these, I envy this column's rotating coauthor, Justice Litle. It must be such a relief to be able to write about something other than feckless central bankers screwing up their economies. Justice's global macro beat is certainly hot right now, what with governments falling like dominos in the Middle East. Talk about "Man Bites Dog!" Here in the States, all I've got to work with is an ongoing series of winter storms and, well, feckless central bankers screwing up by the numbers. Read The Rest Here: http://tinyurl.com/4k7fxh9 -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Injury-prone man zapped by lightning ---------- TAMPA, Fla. - The self-proclaimed unluckiest man in the world said he was again hospitalized after lightning struck his Florida home while he was on the phone. John Wade Agan, 47, whose previous hospitalizations were for conditions including a butcher knife to his chest, injuries from being robbed at gunpoint in his taxi cab and shoved in the vehicle's trunk, and being bitten by two snakes at the same time -- a claim that has drawn some doubt from experts -- said lightning struck his home Tuesday while he was using a corded phone, leading him to black out, the St. Petersburg Times reported Thursday. Agan, who was taken to Tampa General Hospital, said he woke up surrounded by paramedics with a hole burned in his sock. Agan said he knows his injuries have drawn skepticism before, and light- ning-strike injuries are difficult to prove, but he stands by his claims. Lightning experts said injuries from talk- ing on a corded phone during a storm are not unusual. "It's certainly possible," said Dr. Mary Ann Cooper, a researcher in the field of lightning injuries. -- Woman claims yogurt sample tasted of semen ------- ALBUQUERQUE - Albuquerque police said a supermarket worker accused of handing out a yogurt sample contaminated with semen was arrested on outstanding bench warrants. The Albuquerque Police Department said officers were called Tuesday to the Sunflower Market by a woman who said store employee Anthony Garcia, 31, gave her a free yogurt sample contaminated with "bodily fluid," KRQE-TV, Albuquerque, reported. The woman told police she spit the sample out because it tasted like sperm. Police said they are running tests on the sample. "We found where she basically spit out the possible evidence," Sgt. Trish Hoffman said. "As far back as I can remember this is the first time that we've ever dealt with this." Investigators said Garcia was arrested on two outstanding bench warrants, one of which was for failure to appear for an arraignment on two counts of criminal sexual contact of a minor. -<>- >From Archived 8/08 CoffeeBreak: Fisherman catches Swedish swimmer Swedish authorities said it is illegal to fish in Kroppkar Lake after a fisherman tried to reel in a swimmer when his hook became stuck in the man's neck. Per Pettersson was swimming in Kroppkar Lake outside Karlstad, Sweden, Sunday when he noticed he was being pulled through the water by his throat, the Swedish News Agency TT reported. "It felt like I was being strangled in the water. I was wrenched backwards by the fishing line and the pike hook got caught in my throat," Pettersson told reporters. The surprised swimmer said he pulled the hook out of his bleeding flesh and realized it was at the end of a nearby fisherman's line. The report said he received minor wounds. Officials said they have plans to post signs telling people it is against the law to fish near the swimming area. Man's pet snakes frighten park-goers A British man said he doesn't plan to take his two large pet snakes back to the park after police made him leave because the reptiles were scaring visitors. Danny Palmer was simply trying to enjoy a day with his 12-foot albino python and 4-foot boa constrictor at Southampton Common in southern England when trouble began, the Daily Mail reported Wednesday. Palmer and his pets had problems before they even reached the park when the python hid itself in the frame of his owner's car. The newspaper said Palmer moved on with his Tuesday visit to the park after the snake slithered out of the car. The newspaper said Palmer's plans were thwarted for good when police asked Palmer to leave the park because his pets were flustering other visitors. "The police came and moved us on, so I won't be taking them there again," Palmer told reporters. Bear with head stuck in jar killed Police in a Minnesota town shot and killed a young black bear that got its head stuck in a large plastic jar rather than risk anyone getting hurt. The 2-year-old male bruin had been sighted several times over a period of days in the Frazee area and then showed up during the town's Turkey Days celebration last weekend, the Star Tribune reported Wednesday. Police said they didn't have a tranquilizer gun readily available and so killed the bear to avoid anyone being injured, the newspaper said. "With all the people around ... you're never sure what the outcome is going to be," said Rob Naplin, a state Department of Natural Resources wildlife supervisor. ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # >Just Quoting Around... Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)) I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement... - Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible - George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . - Joe Namath I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. - W. C. Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.. - Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal And the cardiologist' s diet: - If it tastes good spit it out. May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door. --- ...Oh Yeah! Thanks Sandi! -<>- ____ /^\ / -- ) / | \ (____/ / | | \ / / /_|_|_|_/ / | / / __ __ __ | / /__ __ __ [ ]__[ ]__[ ]. / /[ ]__[ ]__[ ] |__ ____/ /___ __| | / .------ ) | | / / / | | / / / | ~~~~~~~~~~~~-----------~~~~~~~~ldb~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Two little boys Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!" The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!" --- ...LOL! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Becky :) \ \ ` / / ' \ ` \ ` ' / / ` ' \ . * * * * * . / ` \ ` * * * * * * * * * / \ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ' \ ` @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ / \ ` * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ' / ` @ @ @ @ * '@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ \ * * * * * * * * * * * * * ' ` @ @ @ @ @ Come @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ / * * * ** sit under the * * * * * * * * \ ` @ @ @ @ @ rainbow & 'sides @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ ' * * * * * the Pot of Go * * * * * * * * / ` @ @ @ @ @ with me. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ . * * * * * * * * * * * * *. \ @ @ @ @ @ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ * * * * * \---, ` ` ' ' @ @ @ @ @ ____/' \ / ` \ @ / ' * * * * * /` _ .~ ./\ ` @ @ @ ' ' __ / \ \ ^ ' ` \ `@_@_@_@'/ ' (x \ ( \ _ \_\ \_\ ( ) \ \/ / \/ `-'__`-' _ `' \ $ $ $ / - - ~'- - - - ( @ )- --`'- - - - - - `'- -- ------ - --``~~~''-- -- - - --- - - --_- ___ - --- -- --- -- - - - unknown This was written by a black gentleman in Texas and is so funny. What a great sense of humor and creativity!!! When U Black, U Black When I was born, I was BLACK, When I grew up, I was BLACK, When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK, When I got cold, I was BLACK, When I was scared, I was BLACK, When I was sick, I was BLACK, And when I die, I'll still be BLACK. NOW, You WHITE folks.... When you're born, you're PINK, When you grow-up, you're WHITE, When you go in the sun, you get RED, When you're cold, you turn BLUE, When you're scared, you're YELLOW, When you get sick, you're GREEN, When you bruise, you turn PURPLE, And when you die, you look GRAY. So who y'all be callin' COLORED Folks? --- ...LOL! Funny! Thanks Becky! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?" "Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them." -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' My husband's office was being relocated, and he had to spend long hours at work, often staying away from home overnight. One Saturday afternoon a fishing buddy dropped by, only to be told still another time that my husband was out of town. "That guy is never home!" he complained. "I know," I replied. "That's what I used to say." "Used to say?" "Yes," I sighed. "Before I found out I was pregnant." [Contributed to Reader's Digest.] -<>- The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics." -<>- .. blaa blaa blaaa... .((())). cornet -> ( \(( ))==> <- pencil t |//_^ ^)" p e y \)_\V/.-. t y p /||| ( _\ _e/ |'\/__.-.\ _ ___.'_(.'_)_/ ,___))___ _ ___/||___t p .'-'-_-_-'-,:y e .'-_-_-_-_-_-/ (__________,(/mrf keyboard(_.-._.-._. >ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES... 1. Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply. 2. "Suicide Hotline...please hold." 3. Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return. 4. Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call. 5. (With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What? Oh.. we're not home, leave a message. 6. Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape. 7. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. 8. "Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. 9. We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. 10. Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't. -<>- ,--------------------------------------------------------------------------. | OV"|OOOOOOOO> U N I T E D S T A T E S OF A M E R I C A O N E D O L L A R - In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and a clock. I told the students that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached to your body, it was called a clock. When it was worn on your body, it was called a watch. A few days later we had a power outage, and our classroom clocks had not been reset. I asked Luis, who was wearing a wristwatch, for the time. Luis looked at his wrist, and then confidently announced, "It is exactly ten o'watch." =========================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: >Baby Help .'''. '(("""))' '((O.O))' '; o ;' .("|((, / | || (_ | |/ ,'..,' : ScS @[.,..' \ `, | | | Nancy's nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick. His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?" She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will help." His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a doctor in there, too?" -<>- >HILLBILLY JOB APPLICATION Name: _________________ (first) Name: _________________ (last) (__) Billy-Bob (__) Billy-Joe (__) Billy-Ray (__) Billy-Sue (__) Billy-Mae (__) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ___ Sex: ___ M ___ F ___ N/A Shoe Size: ___ Left ___ Right Previous Occupation: (__) Farmer (__) Mechanic (__) Hair Dresser (__) Un-employed Spouse's Name: _________________________ Relationship with spouse: (__) Sister (__) Brother (__) Aunt (__) Uncle (__) Cousin (__) Mother (__) Father (__) Son (__) Daughter Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: _________________________ Father's Name: __________________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (__)own or (__)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ___ truck ___ bedroom ___ bathroom ___ kitchen ___ shed Model and year of your pickup: ____________ 194_ Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (__) The National Enquirer (__) The Globe (__) TV Guide (__) Soap Opera Digest ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe? (__) Weekly (__) Monthly (__) Not Applicable Color of teeth: (__) Yellow (__) Brownish-Yellow (__) Brown (__) Black (__) N/A Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (__) Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? (__) 1 mile (__) 2 miles (__) don't know Place Your 'X' here: --> ___________ -<>- .-""""-. /` (_)`\ | .-""-. | ; /#.--. \ ; \ \/ \/ / | =\\= | | | | ++++ | \ / '-. .-' || || || || || jgs || || A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation. -<>- A young man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and that he would have to return the next day. "What for!" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud, "Twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's why!" As the young man reached for his wallet, the judge relented, "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I know. I'm just checking to see if I have enough for two more words." -<>- .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >How Old Is Grandma? Stay with this -- the answer is at the end -- it may blow you away. One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events. The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. The Grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute. I was born, before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. There were no credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, clothes dryers, and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and man had yet to walk on the moon. Your Grandfather and I got married first and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, " Sir" - and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir." We were before gay-rights, computer dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 & 10 cent store where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail one letter and two postcards. You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600 but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. In my day, "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mother cooked in, and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store, and "software" wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and there is a generation gap..... Now how old do you think I am ?....." Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time. Grandma was born in 1945 and is 65! -<>- __ __ ,;::\::\ ,'/' `/'`/ _\,: '.,-'.-':. -./"' : : :\/, ::. ,:____;__; :- :" ( .`-*'o*',); \.. ` `---'`' / `:._..- _.' ,; . `. /"'| | \ ::. ) : : |" ( \ | :.(_, : ; \'`-'_/ / `... , _,' |,| : | |`| | | |,| | | ,--.;`| | '..--. /;' "' ; '..--. )) \:.___(___ ) ))' SSt`-'-'' DAFFYNITIONS Nudity: What a sailor may sing when he grows weary of his old ditties. (Gary Hallock) Moraine: Continuing stormy weather (Stan Kegel) Prostate: For regional government (Richard Lederer) Perverse: How a poet is paid (Bob Dvorak) Paraguay - Two males ((Cynthia MacGregor)) Elephant: An animal that works for peanuts (Leopold Fechtner) Diaper: A wetting agent (Hal Stebbins) Placenta: The middle act of a stage production (Stan Kegel) Recovery Room: Place where upholsterers work (Richard Lederer) Raconteur - Nocturnal mammal's road trip. (Gary Hallock) Wolf: A man who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit. (Lederer & Ertner) Career Girl: A woman who goes out and earns a man's salary instead of staying home and taking it away from him (Joey Adams) Postpone: Crumbs left over after the last of the corn bread has been eaten (Ken Shurget) Comatose: When your foot goes to sleep (Cynthia MacGregor) Maternity Dress: A slip cover (Stan Kegel) Plaintiff: Argument on an air flight. (Ken Pinkham) Pulmonary: Referring to Railroad Cars (Richard Lederer) Super-hero: A nine-foot sub sandwich (Jason Dias) Pekingese: Glance at a woman's' legs (Stan Kegel) Coma: The mother who wouldn't go it alone. (Gunjan Seraf) Materialize: What rag dolls see with. (Ken Pinkham) Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again (Bobby Russ) Marijuana: To become connubially connected with Mexican Joan (Cynthia MacGregor) Anemone: every crime-fighting super-hero has one (Jason Dias) Nominal: What the bouncer at the Dyke bar rudely said to Mr. Gore when he tried to enter. (Gary Hallock) Perverse: how a poet is paid (Bob Dvorak) Nubile: Fresh liver secretion. (Ken Pinkham) Opal - My, a friend! (Cynthia MacGregor) Cents: What beauticians don't have enough of to get jobs in the perfume industry (Jason Dias) ,-----. / \--. | / \ `. \-+-',___/ \ \ \ \ ,--\/"""\"". `._ / \ \ \ _ `| ( \ o\o|.,--. `-' \ \`-;---'-'( #) `._ \ |\ `--/ \. \ ||,`. / \`..--.._ ||/ `===='. \/ _`.__|| .-. \ \ | / \ |'| `. ! | \ \_/ \_.') \ ! | ,"". . _/ \ / / ;`--'\ \ \ `-' | |`-< \ \ \ | |\ \,---. \ \ \,---. | |,---. `.\ \,---. `. > `. | | \ `.| ( | |-'-' ( | |' `-------'-' `-----'-' hjw VERBAL ABUSE Hurried: The children loved to hear HURRIED the Dr. Seuss books (Stan Kegel) Venue: VENUE leave the room kids please turn out the lights. (Ken Pinkham) Tiddleywinks: Flirtatious patrons at the strip bar often try to impress dancers with TIDDLYWINKS (Gary Hallock) Icing: ICING tenor in our barbershop quartet. (Stan Kegel) Falsify: When I balance a book on my head, it FALSIFY move.(Geoff Tibballs) Elixir: Sis got a dog and when he's excited, ELIXIR (Harry Farkas) Corrupt: I wanted to join the Marines but the CORRUPT the enlistment age. (Cynthia MacGregor) Gobble: If you keep playing around with sailors, eventually some GOBBLE get you pregnant. (Stan Kegel) Oscillate: OSCILLATE I missed my train. (Cosgrove & Hussar) Gallows: "I don't care how big her husband is. That GALLOWS me ten bucks." (Doug Drill) Funnel: Play as much as you can now because when the baby is born the FUNNEL be gone. (Stan Kegel) Exclaim: Watch my EXCLAIM more than he's entitled to in the divorce! (Cynthia MacGregor) Meteor: Aren't you going to introduce METEOR aunt. (Cosgrove & Hussar) Generalize: "I know, Senorita, that when the GENERALIZE a lady it means only one thing." (Doug Drill) Justice: It JUSTICE not right that she gets all the breaks. (Stan Kegel) Somersault: Some of these bagels are onion, SOMERSAULT. (Cosgrove & Hussar) Ferris Wheel: He's as FERRIS WHEEL get any judge to be. (Cynthia MacGregor) Gardener: "She's my little girl and I'm GARDENER from you." (Doug Drill) ==================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Animal Moms http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms.html Amazing Albino Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albino.html Hand Painting Art 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hpaint2.html Daily With The Troops 3 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/daily3.html Love Thoughts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html Iceland's Volcano http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/volcano.html My Catty Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catlife.html Road Train Trucks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) These are video clips are of the Beefeaters at the Tower of London - these will bring a smile to your face! All clips are worth watching... Yeoman Warden At Tower Of London, Part II Of Four http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWFq-v7TKdQ -<>- Some of these stints are cute; some are awesome...and some are just plain crazy! http://tinyurl.com/34vd8ww --- ...Funny Ones! Thanks PatDeE! Viet Nam, Iraq, and Afghanistan vets will understand this short video clip. Tango Mike Mike http://biggeekdad.com/2010/01/tango-mike-mike/ The Real Boogie Man http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHmmid1pLi8 --- ...Awesome! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From The Mouth: Groundhog Day Trailer One of the funniest and most original films of the 90s, Watch: http://bit.ly/hsoHcp MURPHY'S LAWS "If anything can go wrong, it will." Visit: http://bit.ly/hQ7Gkj -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Mouse Wont Work http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjsksowl.htm Movie TV Bed http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjkeoel.htm M Rip It Up http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnzxjzkaka.htm The Flies In Florida Are Tough http://www.buffaloschips.com/gajskks.htm Dunk Shot http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghsasjs.htm card indyramp color http://www.buffaloschips.com/fkghjfglkhjfgh.htm card Jacksonville http://www.buffaloschips.com/ckgjklgdfgd.htm card Lincoln capitol http://www.buffaloschips.com/kgjdklfhfghkfg.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "An inventor has come out with a product called a safety turtle. It's the size of a wristwatch and you attach it to a child and it sends out a signal if the child falls in the pool. When I was a child, we had something similar to that. It was called a parent." --Jay Leno "In the early days of the Indian Territory, there were no such things as birth certificates. You being there was certificate enough." --Will Rogers "I think kids appreciate it when adults actually treat them like people. Little, stupid people who cry a lot." --Bob Van Voris "This isn't right, this isn't even wrong." --Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to drink. "I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you be- cause someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top." --English Professor, Ohio University The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations. - David Friedman "Content makes poor men rich; discontentment makes rich men poor." - Benjamin Franklin "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." - Mae West "The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just." - Abraham Lincoln >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chrristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************