Thanksgiving Smiles & More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================== >Wanna Be A Shangrala Angel? Everyone nowadays is feeling the shrinking crunch of this financial crisis and ShangralaFamilyFun.com is no exception. The first day the stock market took a dive so did the web site traffic and it's funds took a direct hit too! Paul and I try to do it all, but it is a lot easier with a little help from our friends! If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is helpful - even just 5 dollars! Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Send it to me here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* A Super Duper Big THANK YOU! AND {{{HUGGUMS}}} ================ H A P P Y T H A N K S G I V I N G G O D B L E S S Y O U A N D Y O U R S ! ____ : : ___ :____: ___ ---\ ~~ /---___ : []: \ \ ~ \~ /~~~/~~~/ ----,------- ,' \~~ \~~ \/ ~~/~~~/ `, ,' 0 0 __ -_~~ \ \,------, / ~ _` ; _____\ ; - _ \,'^^^^^^^ ""`,_- \ `, `--'; u ; ~~ ,'^^^^----------- / ,'`,,,' ;~ ---, ^^^,`__----, ..`,/ ,'..,' `, ~ ,^^ <_'__--__ `, .. `,/ .. ` `,---` ^<________-- `, .. .. ,' ___ [] ___ `,---` <__ -__ ___ ,' .. . ,` _/ \)(/ \_ `, --` <__ __ _ ,' ... _,` / / \ \ `--,___<___ ,'`-___,' ,' : | `, <___,'(||) : : : || || : : | ; __||_ _||_ \_ : _/ // ;;\\ ;;\\ \_ \ | / _/ ~~ ~~ ~~ \__________/ %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy Press'... This one is Smoking!!!!!! It took longer to do up then I thought it would. I know this week is going to be very busy for me sense I'll be hosting our Family's Thanksgiving Dinner. Those of you who have done this know it requires lots of planning, shopping, cooking, - and cleaning - I can be a messy cook especially with turkey carving! So any way, I wanted to get a page done quickly knowing this was my last chance to do one before the Holiday. No quickie here, but I got it done! It comes to us from our friend Viv and it made me stop and think, so I thought I'd do it up and share it with all of you too! Medical Health Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/medical.html --- ...I loved this! Thank you Viv! -<>- ,+*^^*+___+++_ ,*^^^^ ) _+* ^**+_ +^ _ _++*+_+++_, ) _+^^*+_ ( ,+*^ ^ \+_ ) { ) ( ,( ,_+--+--, ^) ^\ { (@) } f ,( ,+-^ __*_*_ ^^\_ ^\ ) {:;-/ (_+*-+^^^^^+*+*<_ _++_)_ ) ) / ( / ( ( ,___ ^*+_+* ) < < \ U _/ ) *--< ) ^\-----++__) ) ) ) ( ) _(^)^^)) ) )\^^^^^))^*+/ / / ( / (_))_^)) ) ) ))^^^^^))^^^)__/ +^^ ( ,/ (^))^)) ) ) ))^^^^^^^))^^) _) *+__+* (_))^) ) ) ))^^^^^^))^^^^^)____*^ \ \_)^)_)) ))^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^) (_ ^\__^^^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^^^^) ^\___ ^\__^^^^^^))^^^^^^^^)\\ From: ^^^^^\uuu/^^\uuu/^^^^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\ Keely 11/93 ___) >____) >___ ^\_\_\_\_\_\_\) ^^^//\\_^^//\\_^ ^(\_\_\_\) ^^^ ^^ ^^^ ^^ >This was a blessing... free gleaning of fields: I saw this on the news last night, so I went and looked up all articles I could find about it to maybe bless you too :) Modern Day Gleaning of the Fields by Ethan Book on 11/23/08 at 09:35 PM Recently, the Denver Post published an article titled, "Thousands glean fields in Platteville". It is about a large produce farm that gave away "tens of thousands" of pounds of produce because they wouldn't have time to harvest or sell it all before a deep freeze. According to the article, the family that runs the 600 acre farm expected about 10,000 people but were surprised to find that many more than that showed up for the free produce. Gleaning, the act of collecting the abundance when it is available for helping those in need, isn't a new practice, and it was even part of the Old Testament law for farmers to leave grain in the field for those that needed food to glean. The story of Ruth gleaning from the fields of Boaz is one of the more well known in the Old Testament. To read more on gleaning, take this link to go to Wikipedia's entry. The author of the Denver Post article thought that the large turnout to this farm's offer is just another image of how bad off our country is. I like to look at the positive side of things, however, and think it shows what is good about our country. It is nice to see there are people and businesses willing to help others out even if there isn't anything in it for them. What do you think? Is this article just another sign of the times or something to be encouraged about? Maybe this simple act of kindness and giving is just the kind of shot in the arm that our country needs. Either way, lots of people were able to glean a lot of free food. http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/blogs/editor/2008/11/modern-day-glea.html Farm’s Open Harvest Draws 40000 in Colorado http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_11052263 Thousands pick up free vegetables on Colo. farm Joe and Chris Miller's fields were picked so clean Saturday that a second day of gleaning — the ancient practice of picking up leftover food in farm fields .. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/24/us/24food.html?ref=us Crowd fights through traffic, dirt for free food http://www.greeleytribune.com/article/20081123/NEWS/811229875/1002/NONE&parentprofile=1001&title=Crowd%20fights%20through%20traffic,%20dirt%20for%20free%20food Potatoes are heavy, but giveaway feels good IOWA CITY — It only took an hour Saturday morning for 21 tons of potatoes to be given away. A line of vehicles spanning two lanes and ... http://www.gazetteonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20081122/NEWS/711229934/1006 Farmers opt for gleaning to clear out extra stock http://www.americanfarm.com/njtopstory11.15.2008a.html ================================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: Hiring A New Cashier .::::, {{{{{;}}}} The bank manager was in the final stages of {{{{/ `}}}}} hiring a cashier and was down to two final {}}}}} _ _| applicants -- one of which would get the job. {{(`--(./-\.) {| _\ | The first one interviewed was from a small | \ __ / college in upstate New York. A nice young man, | '.__/ but a bit timid. .'` \ |_ jgs '-__ / `- Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. Your hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called." Jim answered" I don't care ...Yim ... or Mr. Yonson." ==================================================================== _____ /~/~ ~\ | | \ \ \ \ \ \ \ --\ \ .\'' --==\ \ ,,i!!i, ''"'',,}{,, unknown +-------- Celebrities Who Read Their Own Obituary ---------+ 11. Bob Hope 10. Daniel Boone 9. Bertrand Russell 8. P.T. Barnum 7. Alfred Nobel 6. Paul McCartney 5. Ernest Hemingway 4. Ronald Reagan 3. Queen Elizabeth 2. Mark Twain 1. Pope John Paul II ============================================================== .---. |_X_| ___ [_____] / _ \ // \\ | / \ | | " | || " || __\___/__ __\\_//__ /\_______/\ / | U | \/ _ : _ \ Give Thanks To The One! ( (|___|) )/ \ : / \ \ \_ / \ _/ \ /=====\ / / /| |\ './___:___\.' ; | | ; | | | | | | | | | | | \_____/ | |--|--| '._______.' |LI|LI| jgs \/ \/ \_/ \_/ >-->Thanksgiving SMILES: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one fresh enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Don't you have fresh turkeys?" The stock boy answered, "But they are all dead. Now how can I make them take a bath?" What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy! Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey." Have you finished off the first one? Yeah! Eaten it too? Yeah! What happened to the other one? The other turkey is now reading our conversation, boss. .-. .;;;;. ( ^_> <;<; \;>\ ! <;<; '-.>) \ <;<; <'=. | <;<; '- / <;,\.\--'` jgs `==`== If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want? Ans- It simply wants to run away. What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? Ans- God save the kin. What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Ans- Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all. What will a turkey with a dramatic bent of mind say to another turkey on Thanksgiving morning? Ans- To be or not to be roasted, that is the question. The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?" What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey. .--. {\ / q {\ { `\ \ (-(~` { '.{`\ \ \ ) {'-{ ' \ .-""'-. \ \ {._{'.' \/ '.) \ {_.{. {` | {._{ ' { ;'-=-. | {-.{.' { ';-=-.` / {._.{.; '-=- .' {_.-' `'.__ _,-' jgs |||` .='==, Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!" "I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?" "Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..." If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims! Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE .--. /} p \ /} `~)-) / /` } ( / / /`}.' } / / .-'""-. / ' }-'} / (.' \/ '.'}_.} | `} .}._} | .-=-'; } ' }_.} \ `.-=-;' } '.}.-} '. -=-' ;,}._.} `-,_ __.'` '-._} jgs `||| .=='=, Why can't you take a turkey to church? Because they use such FOWL language What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called? Turkey feathers What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes - a building can't jump at all What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving How can you make a turkey float? You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock .-. .;;;;. ( ^_> <;<; \;>\ ! <;<; '-.>) \ <;<; <'=. | <;<; '- / <;,\.\--'` jgs `==`== Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY ____ / \ /______\ ___/___[_]__\___ (_/ _. ._\_) (_/ _\ \_) (_( .___. ) \_ _/ __/_\____/_\__ .' \ / `. | \__/ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |___| | |___| / | / | \ ______________________ \__|_____/\____| \/ / \ |____[__]___|\ \_/\ | Brother, let's talk! | | | \/ | \__ __________________/ | | | / ()/ |/ | | |/ / | | |\__/ _.--. | | | \o ` .-.-..-. | | | .' .' .--. | / | | | ; (_.' `| / _____ | | | _____ . . . | /___jro___ |_____|_____| `. `. ; \ / / | | \ `-. `--' .' _[] | | []_ `-. .'. .' / | | \ || || `----""--' `--""----' /|\|\ What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed! Where did the first corn come from? The stalk brought it Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers? To keep his wigwam What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape How did the Mayflower show that it liked America? It hugged the shore Thanks, for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business. Thanks, for a nation of finks. -- William S. Burroughs, "A Thanksgiving Praayer" -<>- |_| _, _ _ ___ | |(_||_)|_)\_| .'=:-\ ___ | | ._| /.='( ` | |_ _ ,_ |/ , _ . .,_ _ /. ^=.'-._..---. | | |(_|| ||\/_)(_|||/|| |(_| | =^.'=.'^//"(_`\\)8, ._| ._| |^.'=' .=||/' `\||;8.-' \'.^,=^'.||; ; ||8/:_,_ give thanks... './-`\= \\\.-./;//,_/`- \ jgs \__/-/'-\888::((()),_ /:. .O__/ (_88:::(())):. `8':. ' >Top Ten Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren't... 10. "Just reach in and grab the giblets." 9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!" 8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!" 7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist." 6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!" 5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!" 4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down." 3. "It's cool whip time!" 2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!" . . . and the number one thing that sounds dirty at Thanksgiving but isn't . . 1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out." -<>- ####### ##[_]## ,;###########;, <<:{{\|@___@|/}}:>> <<:{{| ( /___\\) \}}:>> <<:{{/\ \\___/( /\}}:>> <<<<:{{| \ _.| |(_\/ |}}:>>>> <<<:{{|`\,'| '-' |'./`|}}:>>> <<<:{{|`\/ \___/ \/`|}}:>>> <<<:{{ \// ) ~ ~ ( \\/ }}:>>> <<:{{`{///' ~ ^ ~ '\\\}`}}:>>> <<:{{,=`. ~ ^.~.^ ~ .`=,}}:>> `-,__.__,-' \ | / jgs // \\ .---'( )'---. `---'-` `-'---` >Top 10 Reasons College Students Are Looking Forward to Thanksgiving Break 10. You'll know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball. 9. Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing with an ice cream scooper. 8. Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green Jello. 7. After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat with toilet paper. 6. Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger than a 12x14 cell... OK, even if it is for only four days. 5. To eat your meals the only trek you'll have to make is from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall...in below freezing weather. 4. Instead of listening to "when I first started teaching here..." you can be entertained by "when your mother was your age..." and "during the Depression we weren't lucky enough to have brussels sprouts. Hell, all we could afford was the sprout!" 3. You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in your microwave 2. You'll know the hair in the shower drain is your own. 1. You won't be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray! -<>- .-""""-._.'| / '.| | / | / | -= | /| ( | |/`< ) ) ( ; -=| _| ) \ \ / ____ /) '._ _.-""-.< .' `\/) / / \ / _ .'`/| _ / | '-._( __\ (__/_/=, ( \| \ -=/ /--;==========` ._,;'\==='-,..__/__/__.' `'--/,/ || ' \ / | / || ' \ \/ . || ; jgs / / || | | . || | / '=------| / ' ; ; ;| `-.___.___.___.___._/ >How to Cook a Turkey Step 1: Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn oven the on Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9: Turk the bastey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick Step 17: Turk the carvey Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out -<>- ___________,_____ | | # |=====| | | (_) |=====| |> _ |_____|=====| | [_] | | | | |_____|=====| | | |_____| | ] |_____| | | |_____|=====| | | ___ |_____| |> |[___]| | | |[___]|=====| |_____|=====|_____| jgs [###########] >Twas the Night of Thanksgiving Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep. The leftovers beckoned -- the dark meat and white, but I fought the temptation with all of my might. Tossing and turning with anticipation, the thought of a snack became infatuation. So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore. I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes. I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground. I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees....... happy eating to all---pass the cranberries, please ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Viv :) __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb >Lucky Anyone who has pets will really like this. You'll like it even if you don't and you may even decide you need one! Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.' Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box. It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease . . . in fact, she was just sure it was fatal. She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her . . . what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death. The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable. Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed. When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his love. Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure. Remember . . . live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God. And never forget . . . the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for us. If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours! Live simply. Love seriously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God A small request: All you are asked to do is keep this circulating. Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen All you are asked to do is keep this circulating. Even if it's to one more person. In memory of anyone you know that has been struck down by cancer or is still living with it. --- ...Awww, how sweet! Thank You Viv! ============================================================ >-->Be AWARE - from our friend Sandi :) See research info about the below email at: http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/life.asp However, do beware of an unsolicited offer to update your Adobe Flash driver . . . see - http://blog.washingtonpost.com/securityfix/2006/03/adobe_issues_critical_macromed_1.html The 'trick' to get you to download the malicious virus may appear is several forms - such as an offer to show some current event - then a box will display saying ' Click to download Adobe Flash required to view the topic . . . such as: http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/obamaspeech.asp Bottom line, if you don't know the site that is offering the Adobe Flash download - - - don't take the bait. If you really need Adobe Flash - you can get it from MS or other trusted site. (Most likely, you already have the latest Flash player if you (our your IT team) keep you software current. , |\ | `-._,="""=, \ //o.-)-.\ \ ||/:/:\:\-. `. \\\:\:/:/o_), jgs `->>>8888>;(_)o Happy Thanksgiving --- ...Thank You for this Sandi! =========================================================== >-->From The Jokester: >-->From The Jokester: >Importance Of Proof Reading * IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord." * It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day. * There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting. * There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental. * In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake. * Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce. * In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error. * Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on the front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep." * In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's Southwestern chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers. * The marriage of Miss Freda vanAmburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct. -<>- & .-"`"-. / \ | __ _| | / \/ \ WW \_o/_o/ ( _) | .----\ ; | '----' I error? I DO Not! \__'--;` jgs |___/\| Mistake: to err, to cause an error or make a mess If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style... If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident... If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture... If parents makes a mistake, It is a new generation... If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law... If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention... If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion... If a teacher makes a mistake , It is a new theory... If our boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake...... If an employee makes a mistake, It is a "MISTAKE" -<>- _o-'\ //\.--". (/ / _\_ | /o\o\ | \_/_/.--. .-, | .- ` `)-' |/ .-._ _.' || (__//`--UU jgs |;\__.' || \| Idiots, they are out there, beware! Idiot Number One I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away. Here's your Idiot Sign, lady. Wear it with pride. Idiot Number Two Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's your Idiot Sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run. Idiot Number Three A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote this, 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's Idiot Sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway. Idiot Number Four A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy.. But you still get a Idiot Sign Idiot Number Five A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. This guy definitely needs a Idiot Sign. Idiot Number Six A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't even deserve a Idiot Sign. Idiot Number Seven Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, here's your Idiot Sign. Idiot Number Eight I live in a semi-rural area. (Weyauwega, Wisconsin). We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' -<>- >Scotsman and Baseball A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run....run!" The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, "R-r-run ya bum, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams, "R-r-run ya bum, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter holds his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk. The Scotsman stands up yelling: "R-r-run ya Bum, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whispers, "He doesn't have to run, he got four balls." The Scotsman yells even louder, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!" -<>- >Poor Fool "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married." -<>- ||| \'''-/ \__/ o Let Me Handle Your Light Work | ) | | | ____|_____ o |----------| `\ | [:I] (@) | `\|----------| |()()()()()|\ | .------. | \ /|__ | | -- | | o-----[ --- | '------' | `\""` |----------| \_ _.._ _/ (_)( )(_) jgs "" >Tips on Cleaning the House DIRT: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone. COBWEBS: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?"(Or just throw glitter on them and call them holiday decorations) PET HAIR: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter) DUSTING: If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes." GENERAL CLEANING: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere." If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive." Light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean. Always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been sick and unable to clean. -<>- >Mommy Test I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart." I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face. -<>- >Parenting A mother is cleaning her teenage daughter's room when she finds a bondage magazine hidden under the bed. She shows it to her husband and asks him what he thinks they should do. After flicking through the magazine her husband says, ____ .-" _ "-. / _ \ /`| | `\ |\ /\o/ \_o/ |;\ __ _ .-"""-. \;;\ \ `-'/ ;-._.-' , |;;;\ '--. |_ \ \ _.--'| |;;;;| | '. \ \ `-._/ /===;/..-"-. \ '. /`._ __ ___/___(( _ \ \ Y ``-\_/==;===='"`/``---' \ \ \\ \ /` \___/ |\ \ /` | | \ ; / / | | jgs / \ | | .' \_/ | 'To be honest I'm not sure, but I don't think spanking her is going to help.' -<>- ."'=-, ,.,.,_ (_____ )."=` `"=, ./_ _ \`\ `;.. / (o(o) |\=\ ; `; (_/| | \ | ;`"` | | ` ; \ .. /`,_ _.' `---' `#"#""'"#'#^ # # # # What did you say? # # # # # # # # No Sheep over? # # # # # # # # jgs /#|#\ /#|#\ `"`"` `"`"` >More Dirty Magazines Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late - again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial. My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, "Honey, dirty magazines - the clips from their rifles - had not been cleaned." ================================================================== >-->In The WordlyNews: >How Obama Got Elected... http://www.howobamagotelected.com This has been seen by well over a MILLION people in just its first week. This is absolutely incredible, especially for a "conservative" video. -<>- >From BizarreNews: _/| |\_ // o\ /o \\ || ._) (_. || //__\ /__\\ )___( )___(VK -- Students, prisoners face off in chess ----------- TRENTON, N.J. - The seventh chess tournament between Princeton University and the New Jersey State Prison saw a surprising amount of prisoner victories, participants said. The "Inmates and Ivy" chess tournament brought six Princeton students to the prison in Trenton to test their chess skills against a collection of convicted felons and thieves, The (Newark) New Jersey Star-Ledger reported. The Princeton students, who played several simultaneous games against groups of prisoners, said the event usually ends with the school nearly sweeping every game, with an occasional single prisoner victory during the tournament. However, this year's competition saw victories by prisoners Malvern Lewis, 43, who was convicted of killing his ex- girlfriend's new boyfriend by stabbing; Carl Gooding, who was convicted of killing a man during a drug deal in 1987; and Alonzo Hill, 39, who is serving life after a carjacking that left a woman dead. "They're good this year, but we have only one master and one ranked expert. In the past, the inmates have had to face much more phenomenal players," said John Marshall, a chief actuary for insurance firm Benecard who took over running of the event after his company ceased to sponsor the tournament. -- Illinois man accused of burning toilets ---------- CHICAGO - An 18-year-old man from Big Rock, Ill., allegedly set fire to a church bathroom stall and burned two portable toilets in a single night, police said. Police in Cary, Ill., said Thomas J. Meehan allegedly set fire to a St. Peter and Paul Church bathroom stall on Oct. 10, before conducting similar arson with two portable toilets, the Daily Herald newspaper in Arlington Heights, Ill., reported Thursday. Cary Police Detective Susan Ellis said an anonymous tip linked Meehan to the three fires, which caused limited damage and resulted in no injuries. Ellis said Meehan allegedly admitted to the three acts of arson but offered no explanation for the motive for his crimes. The Daily Herald said after being arrested last Friday on an unrelated criminal trespass charge, the suspected toilet arsonist was held on $70,000 bond pending a court appearance on the criminal charges. -- Dog drove van through coffee shop window --------- ST. JAMES, N.Y. - A St. James, N.Y., man said his dog was behind the wheel when his van crashed through the window of a coffee shop in the town. Bryan Maher said he had left his dog -- appropriately named Bentley -- inside the van with the engine running to allow the heater to function while Maher was inside the Cool Beanz coffee shop perform- ing at an open mike night, the New York Post reported Thursday. Maher theorized Bentley saw him through the van's windows and began "pawing the glass, as dogs will do. He inadvertently hit the shift lever into neutral." The van rolled down an incline and crashed through a window into the coffee shop. "There was Bentley sitting behind the window like he was saying, 'Here I am!' He was as happy as can be," Maher said. No one was injured in the crash. As for punishing the driving pooch, Maher joked: "He's definitely going to lose his license." ================================================================ >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: \\\/// \(..)/ ( _> ) _/'--/_ /^ _ _ `\ .' / \ ) | \' '// ,, < < | | \ ,, ||, `. \\ . /, \ ,|| =|||===(((==========)))===|||= ||^ /`:----/\ `|| `` ( \ / \ `` | /`^\ | | | | | | / \ | / `| |^ \ | / \ | | | | | / \ | \ gnv .oooO LOoo Word Origins: DUMBBELL Meaning: A small hand weight used for exercise Origin: An inventor in the 1700s, whose name is lost to history, noticed that church bell ringers had very muscular shoulders and arms. He created a device that simulated lifting the heavy bell, but without the sound. Because there was no bell attached, it was called a “dumb bell,” because dumb meant “silent.” -<>- ___ //))))) )))@_@) ((( = ) ))) -(_ __ / `-'\\ /,\\\` I'm Innocent I tell ya! /__| )y | < \ (\_/ `.\ \ {>>>` | /`-'\____| / c \\ / (C \_ _))\ `-'-._/ \ / /\ \ / ,' `. \ / / \ \ <\_\_ \ \ `---` (_`-\_ `---' hjw An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. ================================================================ >-->Random humor: Polynesia: memory loss in parrots. Oh Lord, give me patience...and GIVE IT TO ME NOW! A good pun is its own reword. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! To err is human, to moo bovine. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. [From Ray's Funny Lists] ============================================================== ___ _..--"\ `|`""--.._ .-' \ | `'-. / \_|___...----'`\ |__,,..--""``(_)--..__ | '\ _.--'`.I._ ''--..' `''"`,#JGS/_|_\###,.--'` ,#' _.:`___`:-._'#, #' ,~'-;(oIo);-'~, '# # `~-( | )=~` # # | |_ | # # ; ._. ; # # _..-;|\ - /|;-._ # #-' /_ \\_// _\ '-# /`# ; /__\-'__\; #`\ ; #\.--| |O O |'-./# ; |__#/ \ _;O__O___/ \#__| | #\ [I_[_]__I] /# | \_(# ; |O O ; #)_/ | | | | ; | | | | ; | | | | | | | ; | | | '-.;____..-' | || | |__||__| [__][__] .-'-.||.-'-. (___.' '.___) >-->If You Love Thrillers and Murder Mysteries ... From Lisa Gardner: It’s that time of year again! I’m starting my next novel, and I need people to kill. Last year, one lucky reader got to off her own mother (who apparently is a big Lisa Gardner fan), while another lucky reader maimed her best friend in my upcoming 2009 release, THE NEIGHBOR. Sad that you missed out on the fun? Then try again as we launch the sixth annual "Kill a Friend, Maim a Buddy" Sweepstakes http://www.lisagardner.com/contests/index_kill_a_friend.php for American readers, and the second "Kill a Friend, Maim a Mate" Sweepstakes http://www.lisagardner.com/contests/index_kill_a_friend_world2.php for international fans. The contests will run until June 26, 2009, allowing you plenty of time to rally friends, family members and co-workers to your cause. Remember, you can only enter the sweepstakes once; however, if you have someone you really want to see dead, you can have multiple people enter the same name and increase the chances of that person becoming the Lucky Stiff. Check out Lisa Gardner's latest YouTube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwMXsFQVX8A, A Day Living with Lisa Gardner! Also, don’t forget to visit LisaGardner.com http://www.lisagardner.com each month for a fresh chance to win a free signed novel. Hope you enjoy and happy reading! Best, Lisa Gardner ================================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: As a veterinarian, I was called at home in the middle of the night by a woman in distress. She had swallowed her dog's heart worm pill by mistake. I knew it wouldn't harm her, but by law, I'm forbidden to give medical advice. "If your dog had swallowed your pill, then you'd call me," I explained. "In this case, you really should consult with your own physician." "But it's one in the morning!" she exclaimed. "I can't wake my doctor." -<>- .-. \_/ .-. \.-\/=\/.-/ '-./___|=|___\.-' .--| \|/`"`\|/ |--. (((_)\ .---. /(_))) Huh? `\ \_`-. .-'_/ /`_ '.__ __.'(_)) / \ // | |__.'/ \ /--'` jgs .--,-' .--. '----. '----`--' '--`----' Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts: "The patient refused autopsy." "The patient has no previous history of suicides." "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night." "She is numb from her toes down." "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities." "Discharge status: Alive but without my permission." -<>- A lawyer sent an overdue bill notice to a client who had fired him. A note was attached that stated: "This bill is one year old!" By return mail the lawyer got his bill back. To it was attached a card which read: "Happy Birthday!" -<>- __ / \ , , _._ _ |oo| _ / \__/ \ _|||| ((/ () \)) / \ |||||/| ('====') |oo| We didn't say it! \____/ _`\ /'_ / \ / /.-' /\<>/\ `\.( () )_._ | ` / \/ \ /`'--'////) \__,-'`| |. |\/ |/^^\|"\"` jgs | |. | \___/\___/ After the birth of my son, a woman from the records depart- ment stopped by my hospital room to get information for his birth certificate. "Father's date of birth?" she asked. When I told her, she said, "Do you realize that his birthday is exactly nine months before your son's birth?" "No, I hadn't thought about it," I responded, "but now that you mention it, I realize that I have a daughter who turned two a couple of days before the same date." After she finished taking down all the data, she patted my hand and said, "Maybe you should start buying your husband a tie for his birthday." =========================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) >From our friend John-Paul :) Turkey Trivia! http://home.aristotle.net/Thanksgiving/trivia.asp -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Tell Me A Story - Story Page! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/alices.html Thanksgiving with Brother Bob http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/index.html John w/ Its Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas http://heavens-gates.com/fifties/beginningtolook.html Thanksgiving In Our Hearts http://www.loratrue2000.com/poems/thanksinheart.htm How Great Thou Art Via Campman http://www.greatdanepro.com/Dear%20Jesus/index.htm Doggie Zone http://www.cyberpet.com/cyberdog/mission_dog.html Kitty Korner http://www.crazyforkitties.com/index.shtml Golf http://www.buffaloschips.com/72227.htm Great Basketball Catch http://www.buffaloschips.com/72228.htm How They Made IT http://www.buffaloschips.com/72229.htm I Love You Dog http://www.buffaloschips.com/72230.htm Incredible 11 YR Old Yodeler http://www.buffaloschips.com/72231.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Oprah Winfrey just announced that she's planning to attend Barack Obama's inauguration. Oprah says she's excited to see Obama become the second most powerful person in the world." - Conan O'Brien "The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers." - Thomas Jefferson "At the end of our first date the girl told me I was crazy in the head and I should be committed to a mental institu- tion. Why do women always want us to make a commitment?" -Unknown "When you get married and have a kid, you can't do all those things you wanted to do as a young existentialist of seventeen or eighteen... like kill yourself." -Al Rae "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." - Steven Wright My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Milton Berle .========. .-| |-. .''-'`_.|__ __ __|._`'-''. / .--'` | [LI] | `'--. \ .' / _.--'''""""'''--._ \ '. /` .' .-' _.----._ '-. '. `\ | / / .' _ _ '. \ \ | | | | / `_ _` \ | | | / / '. | (o)(o) | .' \ \ | | '._| .-""-. |_.' | | | \ / | \ / | \ / | / / | / \ /\/\ / \ | \ \ | | / | '-.( ).-' | \ | | | | | / \`""`/ \ | | | \ \ / | _.-| |-._ | \ / / \ \ | / .' | | '. \ | / / '. './ | .' / \ '. | \.' .' '._| \/ \/ |_.' `'{` , , `}'` { } { } { } { } { } { } \,/ \,/ '. .' jgs '-.__ __.-' { _}""{_ } / \ / \ /=/=|=| |=|=\=\ \/\/\_/ \_/\/\/ H A P P Y 'G O B B L E' T H A N K S G I V I N G :) ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************