The $50 Lesson... :) Shangy >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This steaming hottie is from our friend KarenF. We often take things for granted in this great big wonderful world God has created but today we cast a little spotlight on some of them. Just in time for Valentine's Day... (\/) \/ (\/) .-. .-. \/ ((`-)(-`)) \\ // (\/) \\ // \/ .="""=._))((_.="""=. / ., .' '. ,. \ /__(,_.-' '-._,)__\ ` /| |\ ` /_|__ __|_\ | `)) ((` | | | jgs -"== =="- Big Hearts In Nature http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/heartsinnature.html --- ...Most interesting and fun! Thanks KarenF! We'll have part two later this week. ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: ___ .-""-. / '''---...-'.' `\\ jgs \___...---"""-._-.__// Fixin To Make The Fixins... '---' If I where a maniac, I would drive a Cadillac. But at least I would not be a hypochondriac, even if I was on prozac. If I was fixing to make the biscuits I would first get the biscuit mixes. Then I would make the biscuit fixins I was fixin to get the biscuit mixes. But I seen two stixes so I used the stixes to mix the mixes together to make the biscuit fixins. But then suddenly Mr Nicks started to help me with the biscuit fixins. Then I asked Mr Nicks if we needed more mix in the biscuit mix to make more fixins? Mr nicks said no I don't think we need more mix in this biscuit mix because we are ( fixin to really start mixing the mix ) ) because you know when you are fixin to _.(--"("""--.._ mix the mix. You need to mix the mix /, _..-----).._,\ real fast so when you mix the mix fast | `'''-----'''` | the mix gets bigger so you can make \ / more fixins. But at this point we are '. .' only just fixin to make the fixins. jgs '--.....--' ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 11 is White Tee-Shirt Day and Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day February 12 is National Plum Pudding Day February 13 is Get A Different Name Day and Dream Your Sweet Day February 14 is Ferris Wheel Day and National Heart to Heart Day February 15 is National Gum Drop Day February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day February 17 is Champion Crab Races Day ======================================================= >-->Valentine's Day Jokes ,@@@@@@, ,@@@@@""@@, ( _ _ , @@@@@ 6.6\@ :\ ( \/ ) {{^\@@@C _-_)@ : \ \ / {{:\\@@@) (@@' : \ \/ (\/) {{::\\ / \---.:.__\_ \/ \`::\( , \---:---._) `"`"; \ \|_.-;====I======{> | \ _.-': / (\/) | `"/ : / \/ // \/ : / \\_ \ :/ \ \ | ( ) ) ) / / / jgs / / /_ (_(____) Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? A: Ughs and kisses! Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts. Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and we'll go places! Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope? A: I'm stuck on you. Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed', guess who'? A: A divorce lawyer. Q: What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th? A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A: A stamp. Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef? A: You get buttered up. Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called? A: His ghoul-friend. Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her? A: Antelope. Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? A: Hogs and Kisses! Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend? A: "Be my valenstein!" Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? A: Sure, they're very scent-imental! Q: What does a man who loves his car do on February 14? A: He gives it a Valenshine! Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." Boy: "Really?" Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!" Q: Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration? A: Because you can really party hearty! Q: What did the cholcolate syrup say to the ice cream? A: "I'm sweet on you!" Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? A: It was Valenswine's Day! Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valentiny! Q: Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending? A: Because they needed to be ad-dressed! Q: What did the painter say to her boyfriend? A; "I love you with all my art!" Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day? A: A hug and a quiche! Q: Why should you send your sweetie a valentine? A: Because you always heart the one you love! Q: What is a ram's favorite song? A:I only have eyes for ewe, Dear Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? A: Ughs and kisses! Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine's Day? A: I Love Ewe! Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine's Day? A: Owl be yours! Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day? A: Cauliflowers! Q: What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine's Day? A: I'm nuts about you! Q; What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine's Day? A: You're nuts so bad yourself! Q: What did the paper clip say to the magnet? A: I find you very attractive. Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend? A: You're fun to hang around with. Q: What did one light bulb say to the other? A: I love you a whole watt! Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? A: I love you a ton! Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? A: I'm sweet on you! Q: Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? A: He fell in love with a pin cushion! Q: What did the pencil say to the paper? A: I dot my i's on you! Q: What did one pickle say to the other? A: You mean a great dill to me. ========================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .--. .--. : _ \/ _ : _\/ \ 6 6 / \__\ ' / \'--'/ \__/_ /\ /\ \ / \/ \ \ / jgs _\ /_ (__\ /__) >Door Warning The door of the science office at my high school opens outward, and a number of students have been whacked by it. To prevent any more mishaps, one of the teachers stuck a warning on the door advising people not to stand too close. There was also a comic strip attached showing a student being hit by a door being opened. One day I was pushing a cart into the hall and opened the door extra wide. To my horror the door struck a student standing outside. After determining that he was all right, I asked why he was behind the door even though the warning was there. "I was reading it," he replied. -<>- ..8888888.. ..8888888.. .8:::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::::::8:::::::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::8. 8:::::: ::::' ':::' ':::: : :::::8 8:::::: ::: ' ::: : :::::8 8:::::: ::: ::: : :::::8 '8::::: ::::. .:::: : ::::8' '8:::: ::::::. .:::::: : :::8' '8::: ::::::::.::::::::. .::8' '8:::::::::::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::8' jgs '8:::::8' '8' >Exercise Machine My husband bought an exercise machine to help him shed a few pounds. He set it up in the basement but didn't use it much, so he moved it to the bedroom. It gathered dust there, too, so he put it in the living room. Weeks later I asked how it was going. "I was right," he said. "I do get more exercise now. Every time I close the drapes, I have to walk around the machine." -<>- >Favorite Food Our family, like a lot of busy families, eats out often. When grandma was visiting, she decided to make a special, home-cooked dinner and asked the five-year-old grandson, "What's your favorite thing to have for supper?" "At what restaurant, Grandma?" he asked. -<>- _--_ ( A's) /___7 .~~\ /~~. /""_ V \ om /____/ / .mmmC="_ _/ -----===(((((}{).MMM "" | `"---" ..mMMM"" | \ ( )" \ /\ | / / \ \ /" / \ \ \__/" \__/ '94 the wolfe / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ >Little League Game As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was. "We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered with a smile on his face. "Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged." "Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look. "Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet." -<>- >What's in a Name? My real name is Wilton, but everyone at the plastics factory where I work calls me Dub. And that's where the confusion began. A woman from the front office came by with a form to fill out. But when she asked for my name, I wasn't sure which one to give. Waiting patiently for me to make up my mind, she said, "I don't have any easier questions." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _.~._ ,~'.~@~.`~. / : _..._ : \ { :,"''))`".: } `C) 9 _ 9 (-'.._,-"7o-.__ ( )(@)( ) /o `. `-.___.-' `-._ / \ \ / `-' ;`-._,-. y ,' `---t.,-. \_____ ,' /---.__\ _( \--------' _,\ ,' `-.__.--' `. \_____ '///,-`-' `-------' hjw A baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked. "Yes, I am," said the doctor. The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth." He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?" "Yes, I am," said the mother. "Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said. He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?" "Yes, I am," his father answered. The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger. "Hurts doesn't it!" -<>- (| ||_ =///`\ (\ \\\) | __\\ `|~~| (((<_| ____ | | `-__/\ /~ ~\| | \ ~-_ |--| |___| `\ ~-_ |_/ /--__/ `\/ / ~-_\___--/ / `-_ ~/ / / ~-_ / | _/ | | |~~~~~-----| |___----~~~/ _-~~\ \_ / /(_|_-~ | / / /~==[]\ ____-------_ |_____--| ______________ / (_ //(\0)~~~~ YAMAHA ~\ /_- \/' ___/ ~~~~/ (| ~~--__ |/ )_____---~~~ YZF \ \. ___ ~~--__ ____ / _-/ __--~~' ~\ \\\\ ~~-_ ~-____ / _-~~ __--~~___ _ ----/ \ \\\\ ~-_ /---__-~ __--~~----~~_ ]= _-~ ___ / /__\ ~~~ ~-_ ( )-~ ~-_~~~/~~~ _-~ ~-_ /-~~~_-|/ / ~\ _) ~-_ \ /~~~~~---__-----_ \ ; / \/_//`\ \ __--~~/_ \~-_ _-\ ~~~~~~~~~~~~-/_/\ . | | \((*))/ | |\ __--~~ /o \ `\ ~- `\----_____( 0) ) | | | \ |~| / | )-~~ \ 0 ) |/' _-~/~--------| |~ / , \ ~-----~ / / ~~~~~~~~/_/O_/' \ ~-----~ / ~-_ _-~ `---------------------------' `-_ _-~ ~ ----- ~ ~ ----- ~ -TX A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make this woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge"? -<>- .--. / oo /\_\_/ /\___/ ,`.__/ 7___/ |___| |___| \___\_ \___\_ \___\ \___\ \___\_ fsc `.__\_ `._\ `\ Little Timmy sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Timmy! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm." "No, she isn't," said Timmy. "Why not?" said the mother. "Because I ate him first!" -<>- . .' \ .' . .' ...'.` ___.-. .' ...'.' _.---' `..' ...'.' __.---' .' ...'.' .--' .' ...'.'. /` .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `-. / .' ...'.' `. / ` _.-.' ...' `-._____.-' / / .' ...' /` /.'. ...' / .' .`.' \ / .' ...' | \ / /\ .' ...' \ | / / .' ...' / \ | /_/ .' ...' / | | |' `._..' .-------.__________.' .' .'---- .' | | | .' .... | | .' ...'| \ __.' | ___ / \...' \_`------------------._____ ___.---' / .-' | | \__/ `--.__ _.-' /.-' \__/ `------' ' VK Dearest Redneck Son, I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your daddy read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Forest County family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your daddy out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down! There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened. Your favorite aunt, Momma --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: I have long believed that education is the solution to many of the social problems we face; drugs, teen pregnancy, crime, recidivism, racism, even unemployment. All can be addressed in large part (not completely, of course) with education. But education is not what it used to be. It is not even close to what it should be. Because young people entering higher education are faced with the following educational choices, which are real, actual classes that people pay money and get class credits for: Zombies in Popular Media This class at Columbia College in Chicago traces the history of zombies in movies and literature and explores how zombies relate to themes of capitalism, individuality and xenophobia. Learning from YouTube Professor Alexandra Juhasz of Pitzer College has said this class is a "pedagogic experiment focusing on the potentials and limits of digital-media culture." All class work, assignments and discussions must take place on YouTube. Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles Students in this class watch daytime soaps, analyze their themes and study the social impact of gender roles on the family and the workplace. Underwater basket weaving Underwater basket weaving actually involves making baskets by dipping reeds into water and letting them soak - at least that's how Reed College of Portland in Oregon, and University of California in San Diego taught it. Philosophy and Star Trek Georgetown University's Philosophy and Star Trek course is every college Trekkie's dream. In addition to watching episodes of "Star Trek," the class also reads philosophical writings and wrestles with such questions as "Is time travel possible?" and "Could reality be radically different from what 'we' think?" Cyberporn and Society State University of New York's undergraduate students in this class survey Internet porn sites and examine issues of obscenity and what causes cultures to define pornography in different ways. The Science of Superheroes How do you transform physics into a more exciting subject? The University of California at Irvine does so by studying the science behind superheroes like Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman. Popular 'Logic' on TV Judge Shows The University of California's Arguing with Judge Judy: Popular 'Logic' on TV Judge Shows course isn't quite what you'd expect. This class is concerned with the illogical arguments made by the shows' entertaining litigants. Fat studies Professor Jacqueline Johnson's course Fat Studies at George Washington University is just one of many that are popping up on college campuses across the nation. The class teaches students to think of body size critically and politically, and it aims to promote weight awareness and acceptance among people of all shapes and sizes. Simpsons and Philosophy The University of California at Berkeley's two-unit course Simpsons and Philosophy is described as a "fairly rigorous" philosophical course that asks weighty questions like "Can Nietzsche's rejection of traditional morality justify Bart's bad behavior?" Armed with these classes under their belts, a whole new generation of baristas and bartenders will be prepared to make horrible personal decisions, vote, and eventually raise a whole new generation of brainless cultural zombies. Kind of makes you want to pick up a book, doesn't it? *-- Students take up tubas for V-day --* MEMPHIS - A group of about a dozen tuba players at the University of Memphis said they are taking Valentine's Day requests for romantic serenades. Zack Corpus, a member of the tuba troupe, said the Scheidt School of Music students will play two-song serenades while delivering chocolates and cards to the sweethearts of those who pay the deter- mined fee, The (Memphis) Commercial Appeal reported Monday. "It's so much more unique to have tuba valentines because there's a kind of novelty to it. Plus, it's a lot more embarrassing," Corpus said. Corpus said the songs in the group's repertoire include "My Girl" by The Temptations, "A Whole New World" from Disney's "Aladdin," "I Can't Help Myself" by The Temptations, "Everything I Do" by Brian Adams and "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift. Corpus said the fees start at $25 for an on-campus performance and increase for off-campus appearances. The group said they are hoping to raise at least $1,000 for the school of music. *-- Man shoots self in groin with flare gun --* LEHIGH ACRES, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said a man was hospitalized with burn wounds after accidentally shooting himself in the groin with a flare gun. The Lee County Sheriff's Office said deputies responded to a medical assistance call Sunday in Lehigh Acres and arrived to find Jorge Perez, 23, with multiple burns and lacerations on his genital region, WZVN-TV, Fort Myers, reported Tuesday. Perez told deputies he had loaded the flare gun and set it down Sunday. He later picked it up and, forgetting he had loaded it, fired it at the ground. The man said the flare bounced off the floor and struck him in the genitals. *-- Mom passes drugs with open-mouth kiss --* PENN YAN, N.Y. - Authorities in New York state said a mother used an open-mouth kiss to smuggle Oxycodone to her son in a jail. The Yates County Sheriff's Department said Kimberly Margeson, 54, put the prescription pills "into her mouth and brought them into the jail when she visited her son," William Partridge, 30, who was arrested on a weapons charge, thesmokinggun.com reported Friday. Margeson allegedly passed two pills "from her mouth to her son's mouth when she kissed him." Deputies said they believe the pills were for Partridge's personal use and not to sell inside the jail. Margeson was arrested on a felony drug charge and a misdemeanor charge of promoting prison contraband. Partridge was also charged with the contraband count. Margeson pleaded not guilty Tuesday and was released after posting $2,000 bail. *-- Man quits over 666 on tax form --* CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. - A Tennessee man who quit his job after receiving a W-2 tax form stamped with the number 666 said he was trying to save his soul. Walter Slonopas, 52, resign- ed as a maintenance worker at Contech Casting LLC in Clarksville, Tenn., last week because accepting the form stamped with 666 -- believed by some to be the "number of the beast" associated with the apocalypse -- would be a one-way ticket to hell, The Tennessean, a newspaper in Nashville, reported Thursday. "If you accept that number, you sell your soul to the devil," he said. Slonopas said he was initially given the number 666 to clock in when he was hired in April 2011 but his complaints led to it being changed to 668. He told the newspaper he resigned after the number reverted to 666 when the company changed time clock systems three months later but he returned to work a few days later when the company apologized. Bob LaCourciere, vice president of sales and marketing for the Revstone Corp., which owns Contech Casting, said he was shocked the mistake was repeated with a stamp on Slonopas' form. "I am completely at a loss for words," he said. LaCourciere said Slonopas will be issued a replace- ment form and he hopes the worker can be convinced to return to the company. However, Slonopas said he will not return to Contech. "God is worth more than money," he told The Tennessean. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) .--. /-. \ < ^ `D/ \_ ( )_/;. _ __|_, \\ ,(_I_______)\ //`-----\ \ // \____/\ // / / // _____ / /\ \ .---n-. //'` `\/ / \ \ _____|_"_~_|___// /\ \ \ \ / / \ / \ `\__...--' _\__\ \_/\ \\\\\\\\\\\\'-\__/--===-\__/-'`,,,,,,,,(____\,,,(__/,,,,,,,,, \\\jgs\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ >The $50 Lesson I recently asked my friends' little boy what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said he wanted to be President of the United States. Both of his parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there. So I asked him, "If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?" He replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.." His parents beamed. "Wow...what a worthy goal," I told him. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house." He thought that over for a few seconds, then he looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" I said, "Well done, my boy! You are now a Conservative." His parents still aren't speaking to me. --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! =========================================================== >-->Tips From Our Friend Linda :) | \ \ | |/ / | |\ `' ' / | ;'aorta \ / , pulmonary | ; _, | / / , arteries superior | | ( `-.;_,-' '-' , vena cava | `, `-._ _,-'_ |,-`. `.) ,<_,-'_, pulmonary ,' `. / ,' `;-' _, veins ; `./ /`, \-' | right / | ;\ |\ | atrium ;_,._|_, `, ' \ | \ \ ` `, ` __ ` \ left ;, \ ,' ` \, ventricle \_( ;, ;; | \ `;, ;; inferior | |`. `;;, ;' vena cava | | `-. ;;;;,;' FL | | |`-.._ ,;;;;;' | | | | ``';;;' aorta >Stroke has a New Indicator They say if you email this to ten people, you stand a chance of saving one life. Will you send this along? Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue I will continue to forward this every time it comes around! STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters..... S. T. R. STROKE IDENTIFICATION: During a BBQ, a woman stumbled and took a little fall. She assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) . . . she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Jane went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Jane's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 PM Jane passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Jane would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. It only takes a minute to read this. A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke... totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. RECOGNIZING A STROKE Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps - STR. Read and Learn! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions: S * Ask the individual to SMILE. T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. Chicken Soup) R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.. If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved. I have done my part. Will you? --- ...absolutely! Thanks Linda! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _____ /`.---.`\ / /.---.\ \ ; |/ e e \| ; ; \| ^ |/ | | \_=_/ | |.-"` `"-.| / `'-...-'` \ | | | , | \ './|\.' / ;._(/:\)_.; || : : || || ; : || || : : || || '.' || || + || || || || || |'-.___.-'| | | '-.__ __.-' jgs (_/`\_) >Nuns Giggle Too *FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.** KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.* *1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF. *2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS. *3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT. *4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS. *5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH. *6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES. *7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS. *8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. *9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. *10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY. *11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL. *12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM. *13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES. *14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. *15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA. *16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER. *17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION. *18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD. \ *19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE. *20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE. *21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS. *22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES. *23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. *24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE. *25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY. At least the kids were listening...........kind of ;-) *Dottie and Bill* --- ...HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ____________ .F............T. | .----------. | | |',' ',' , | | _......_ .''''''''''. | `----------' | _+' `+_ .' '. _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ _/.-. _...._ .-.\_ _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ (_)`-' __[]__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __{}__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __/\__ `-'(_) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' _.--------._ .--------. .----------. ,'.----------.', .' `. / \ /='------------`=\ _`.-. _...._ .-.'_ _(.-. _...._ .-.)_ .F_______...._______Y. (_)`-' __)(__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __()__ `-'(_) |(_)(_) ______ (_)(_)| (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' Joe, My blonde wife and a "blonde challenged" friend, whom we shall call "Rio", went to the mall. Rio's husband buys and sells used cars and so she never drives the same one for more than a few weeks. After a couple hours of power shopping, they exited the mall and then, suddenly, Rio stopped. "Where did we park?" she asked my wife. "I don't know! What did we drive?" "I have no idea." answered Rio. After searching the parking lot for a few minutes with no success, they were forced to find a pay phone and call Rio's husband at work to find out which car she was using. (Yes, they did make it home.) --Clarence from Idaho -<>- A physician presented his bill to the attorney representing a deceased person's estate. Each of them knew the other, having tangled quite a few times in court, where the doctor was often called as an "expert witness." The Doctor asked the lawyer if he wanted the bill sworn to. "No," replied the lawyer, "the death of my client is suf- ficient evidence that you attended him professionally." "Be that as it may," replied the doctor, "the fact that you handled his affairs is probably why he couldn't afford to pay this bill in the first place." -<>- _ (\ \) o__^\/ , \ ' \ < _ _ ' ' . `| \____\ - - ' . . () | ) _ _ `.' `.' .//---_/-_/ _ _ (\ (\_\^^__o . `-'\ ` / `( | \_____| | | _ ./`,----./~| . . . - () John had a new dog, but he didn't want to deal with puppies so he got her fixed. However, some how the gal still got pregnant, and even had identical twins! The media loved it and soon she was a celebrity. John wrote a book about her called, "Two Dachshunds in One: A Spayed Oddity." -<>- A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'." -<>- | | | _ | | <_> | | | | | `-._ | |`-._| | | _________________________________|____ `-._ `-._ | `-._ `-._ | kat `-._ `-._ There's a story about an MIT student who spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed, blowing a whistle, and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football game, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated. -<>- When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied." -<>- a'! _,,_ a'! _,,_ a'! _,,_ \\_/ \ \\_/ \ \\_/ \.-, \, /-( /'-,\, /-( /'-, \, /-( / //\ //\\ //\ //\\ //\ //\\jrei Noah was standing at the gangplank checking off the pairs of animals when he saw three camels trying to get on board. "Wait a minute!" he said. "Two each is the limit. One of you will have to stay behind." "It won't be me," said the first camel. "I'm the camel whose back is broken by the last straw." "I'm the one people swallow while straining at a gnat," said the second. "And I am the one that shall pass through the eye of a needle sooner than a rich man shall enter heaven." said the third. "Well, I guess you had better all come in," said Noah, "the world is going to need all of you." -<>- A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." -<>- A tourist on his way to Tuscaloosa, came to a fork in the road and stopped. There was no sign indicating which route went where. Spotting a boy by the road, he yelled out, "Hey, kid, does it matter which road I take to Tuscaloosa?" "Not to me it don't." replied the boy. -<>- As reported by an anonymous travel agent: I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the pass- port information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massa- chusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click. -<>- A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot farther in those days." -<>- .--------------. |~ ~| |H____________H| |.------------.| ||::.. __ || |'--------'--''| | '. ______ .' | | _ |======| _ | |(_)|======|(_)| |___|======|___| [______________] |##| |##| jrei '""' '"" The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been served in a highway eatery. It contained dark flecks of seasoning floating in it, but two of the spots looked very suspicious. "Hey," he called out to the waitress, "these particles in my soup - aren't they foreign objects?" She scrutinized his bowl. "No, sir!" she reassured him. "Those things live around here." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ( ) ( ___...(-------)-....___ .-"" ) ( ""-. .-'``'|-._ ) _.-| / .--.| `""---...........---""` | / / | | | | | | \ \ | | `\ `\ | | `\ `| | _/ /\ / (__/ \ / _..---""` \ /`""---.._ .-' \ / '-. : `-.__ __.-' : : ) ""---...---"" ( : '._ `"--...___...--"` _.' jgs \""--..__ __..--""/ '._ """----.....______.....----""" _.' `""--..,,_____ _____,,..--""` `"""----"""` >You might be a caffeine addict if... 1. You think sleep is for the weak. 2. The dishes in your house are all coffee cups. 3. You believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable. 4. You've ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you in the morning. 5. It's 6:09 AM and you're on your 2nd 20oz. cup of coffee. 6. You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign. 7. Your heart beats noticeably faster as a reaction to the smell of coffee. 8. Your heart rate is always in triple digits. 9. Mountain Dew is the stuff great decisions are made of. 10. You wake up to Mountain Dew, before switching to JOLT. 11. You can name the five flavors of JOLT. 12. You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee. 12. You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep. 14. Your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen. 15. You've given up sex, TV, or all forms of meat for Lent before, but can't make it 40 days without caffeine. 16. You've ever used the airplane's Call button just to get a coffee refill. 17. Your heart only beats twice an hour and your eyes won't shut anymore. 18. Your slogan is "Save water, drink coffee." 19. You have on more than one occasion snorted instant coffee. 20. You suck on a used coffee filter (full of coffee grounds) whenever the can runs out of coffee. -<>- _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; >Things Hidden in a Secret Government Warehouse... A calendar containing a month made up entirely of Sundays "That Loving Feeling" Everything ever lost in the Bermuda Triangle Political ethics God's pair of dice One human skeleton, found in casket, with a wooden stake inserted into the ribcage Several spare self-destructing tape recorders Millions of Pet Rocks (everybody bought one, nobody has one now, they have to be SOMEWHERE!) Hundreds of millions of dirty socks, each tagged with the time, date and location of the laundry in which they disappeared The location of Car 54 Frankenstein's Monster A passenger pigeon (became extinct in the late 19th century) A pair of shoes with a tag saying, "Found near Abbey Road" The Blob... in a large freezer of course Used hypodermic needle; once injected a miniaturized submarine into a neck Copy of hostage-withholding agreement between Bush and the Ayatollah Captain Hook's hand The recipe for Mcdonald's secret sauce 1000 mint-condition WWII army Jeeps, to be sold for $50 each The hover-skateboard from BTTF2 A complete transcription and dates and times for all of Nosatradamus's prophecies! The REAL McCarthy list, before the politician's saw it The missing 80 points of Dan Quayle's IQ Every taxicab in the Metropolitan New York area (only while it's raining) A graffiti-free subway car A mountain of letters addressed to Santa Claus One kite, string, and key that are scorched In a corner a Zoltar Fortune Telling Machine Yoko Ono's talent Michael Jackson's original nose The original blueprints for building the Great Pyramid of Egypt A telephone book for the Planet Mars The original magnifying glass used by Sherlock Holmes A bottle of smoke from the Chicago Fire The real contents of Al Capone's Vault A bottle of the "Andromeda Strain" Virus The bones of the Loch Ness Monster Snake Plisken's death certificate -<>- .---. |#__| =;===;= / - - \ ( _'.'_ ) .-`-'^'-`-. | `>o<' | / : \ / /\ : /\ \ .-'-/ / .-. \ \-'-. |_/ /-' '-\ \_| /| | |\ (_| /^\ |_) | | | | jgs | | | | '==='= ='===' >Signs You're Really Broke 1. American Express calls & says: "Leave home without it!" 2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant. 3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. 4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe. 5. Long distance companies no longer call you to switch. 6. Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6.9% to 24.9%. 7. You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes. 8. You receive care packages. 9. Your bologna has no first name. 10 You rob Peter...and then rob Paul. 11. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change. 12. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. 13. You give blood everyday - for the orange juice. 14. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments. 15. Consumer Credit Counseling services said, "No." 16. The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) SPECIAL LINKS For Valentine's Day.... POEMS: Friends Together http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/together.html I Need A Hug! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/hug.html It Takes Two! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/two.html Love's Lust! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/desire.html Moody Is My Day http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/need.html TEACHINGS: Our Valuable Anchor http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html Choose His Children? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/choosehischildren.html You Are The Only You God Has http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/onlyyougodhas.html SPECIAL PAGES: Best Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/bestfriends.html Friendship! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendship.html God's Little Love Notes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/notes.html Love Thoughts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html Love Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovetest.html What Is Love 1 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove1.html What Is Love 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove2.html What Is Love 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove3.html Would You Care? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/care.html Jesus Laughing Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.htm Akiane Child Prodigy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Tale Of Two Swallows http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html Why We Love Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whydog.html Dogs as Best Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestfriend.html Valentine Animations: Care Bears http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Hearts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html Love http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html Valentine: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html -<>- >From Linda :) Math Magic http://www.wimp.com/excitingmath/ Top Ten Most Dangerous Animals http://www.safeshare.tv/w/lgudURFxoI I could start every day with this just to make sure I've got my head, and my heart, where they belong. I'm so grateful to the friend who sent it! Enjoy the ride... http://www.lshs64.com/enjoytheride.html --- ...awesome! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) This is stunningly beautiful Dakuwaqa's Garden Underwater footage from Fiji & Tonga http://www.youtube.com/embed/mcbHKAWIk3I --- ...nice! Thanks LouiseA! This is really cute - tell it to sneeze and see what he does. I have no idea how they do this: TYPE IN a command and see what happens like ... sit, roll over, down, beg, stand, jump, sing, shake, fetch, play dead, dance etc. And, it's also very cute if you type in a command that's not recognized!! Make sure you type in "Kiss," too, but do it last. Click here: I Do Dog http://www.idodogtricks.com/index_flash.html --- ...Awww, how sweet! Thanks LouiseA! How about a tear jerker for a wonderful American service man and his devoted wife. This video left a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat. But on seeing the end, the main shock came with the thought: "The handling and the widow's 68 year search was through the same government that is now going to handle our medical care. That really put a lump in my throat. This is a story about "another generation’’ which will be missed for all time, and the term "till death do us part’’ is not always applicable. http://www.youtube.com/embed/8TT1XFS1LA0 --- ...a Heartwarmer! Thanks louiseA! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" --Homer Simpson "Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff." - Frank Zappa "Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical." - Yogi Berra "Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." - Groucho Marx "We've got a date with Destiny, and it looks like she's or- dered the lobster." - The Shoveler (William H. Macy) in the Movie MYSTERY MEN. "Like a midget in a urinal I knew I had to be on my toes." -Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), from NAKED GUN "A flute without holes is not a flute and a donut with no hole is a danish." -Ty Webb (Chevy Chase), CADDYSHACK "This has all the earmarks of an eyesore." --James McSheehy, member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, commenting on a construction project he opposed. "Be careful about reading health books. You might die of a misprint." --Mark Twain "Modesty in an actor is as fake as passion in a call girl." - Jackie Gleason "Good taste is the enemy of comedy." - Mel Brooks "I don't generally feel anything until noon; then it's time for my nap." - Bob Hope "I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age." - George Burns "Laughter is an instant vacation." - Milton Berle A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************