The Blondes Have It And More ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
================
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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.'.-.`-'.-.`.
..._: .-. .-. :_...
.' '-.(o ) (o ).-' `.
: _ _ _`~(_)~`_ _ _ :
: /: ' .-=_ _=-. ` ;\ :
: :|-.._ ' ` _..-|: :
: `:| |`:-:-.-:-:'| |:' :
`. `.| | | | | | |.' .'
`. `-:_| | |_:-' .'
jgs `-._ ```` _.-'
``-------''
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011
Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click
on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up.
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
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jgs '---'
I added two more teachings. I had my brother read them and
he said this about them...
"...sure makes you think but it explains a lot to me that I couldn't
just put my finger on... this does help... and maybe the more I read,
I'll understand more... GLORY TO GOD!!!!!!!!!"
They have been nagging me to get them up so I finally did it. Glad
I did. They are keepers for sure. A good thing for all Christians to
know and study. Check them out...
Which Parts Of The Bible Are Written To You?
In regard to the quality of day-by-day life for a Christian, the
subject of the administrations in Scripture is, in my opinion, perhaps
more important than any other general biblical topic. Why? Because the
understanding or misunderstanding of it affects many vital subjects
critical to emotional health, starting with whether or not salvation is
permanent.
"What does the Bible say?" That is always the "bottom line," but the
answer must be understood in light of to whom the Bible is speaking.
Read the rest or listen/view the Video Here:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/whichparts.html
AND:
The Sacred Secret
In the books, articles, videos, and audio teachings of Spirit & Truth
Fellowship we call the administration in which we live "the
Administration of the Sacred Secret," and we translate the Greek word
musterion as "Sacred Secret." We believe that "Sacred Secret" is the
best translation of the Greek word musterion, a Greek word that most
Bible versions translate as "mystery."
Read the rest or listen/view the Video Here:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/secret.html
-<>-
The next two hot totties come from our friend Linda.
I'm not much of a history buff - barely passed it in school - but
I found this lively and most interesting. It is our American History
that only can be so greatly told as by one who has actually lived it!
Check this out and be sure to watch the awesome video too!
,-~~-.___.
/ ()=(() \
( ( 0
\._\, ,----' CURSE
##XXXxxxxxxx
/ ---'~; YOU
/ /~|-
=( ~~ | RED
/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
/_______________________\ BARON!
/_________________________\
/___________________________\
|____________________|
|____________________|
|____________________| W<
| |
Tinian Island!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tinian.html
---
...Wow, most impressive! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
Maxine is sure to touch your funny-bone here with her rantings.
Be sure to watch the video too - should bring you smiles from
memories of a time gone by or introduce you to two of our best
comedians.
.
\ | /
_\|/_
.' ' ' '. ___
_.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-.
.'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'`
.'.' ||()|()||
.___..-'.' / \
`----'"` / .-. \
(.'.(___).'.)
`.__.-.__.'
jgs |_| |_|
`.`-'.'
`"`
Maxine Humor!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinehumor.html
---
...I do so love Maxine! Thanks Linda!
================================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
Bad Boys And Girls
At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you know where
little boys and girls go when they do bad things?"
"Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church
yard."
+ + +
.-"-. .-:-. .-"-.
/ RIP \ / RIP \ / RIP \
| | | | | |
\\ |// \\\ |// \\\ |//
jgs ` " "" " ` ' "" " " ' """ "
=======================================
The Typical Texas Baby
_.--.
.-"`_.--.\ .-.___________
A Texan bought a round ."_-"` \\ ( 0;------/\"'`
of drinks for all in ,."=___ =)) \ \ / \
the bar and announced `~` .=`~'~) ( _/ / / \
that his wife had =`---====""~`\ _/ / \
just produced a `-------"` / \
typical Texas baby, jgs / \
weighing a whopping ( )
twenty pounds. '._ _.'
'----'
"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender
recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that
weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some weight after
birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What
happened?
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"
=================================================================
+---------------- Bizarre June Holidays ----------------+
June 1 is Dare Day
June 2 is National Rocky Road Day
June 3 is Repeat Day
June 4 is Old Maid's Day
June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day
June 6 is Teacher's Day and National Applesauce Cake Day
June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day
June 8 is Name Your Poison Day
June 9 is Donald Duck Day
June 10 is National Yo-Yo Day
================================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
_
, L\
\/OO\
|/ \
/_\ `
_\ |_ Arjen Pilon
>Older Woman
After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one
day and said ....... "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car,
slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got
to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.
Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and
a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems
to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a
hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be
living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and
watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's
problems.
---
...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
Hope this touches you the way it touched me!
___
(___)
/` `\
/ /"\ \
\_/o o\_/
( _ )
`\ /`
/\\V//\
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jgs |||
/ Y \
`"`"`
>GOODBYE MOM
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady
following him around. If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and
said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you
look so much like my son who is overseas."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave
the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of
the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved and smiled back at him..
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day,
he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said You'd be paying
for her things, too."
Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker.
Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!!
---
...Oh gee - no lumping now! HAHA! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
________
|:::xxxxx|
|:::xxxxx|
|xxxxxxxx|
--------
>Memorial Plaque
One Sunday morning, the minister noticed little Alex standing
in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.It was
covered with names and small Americanflags mounted on either
side of it.The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for
some time, so the minister walked up, stood beside the little
boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'
'Good morning Sir,' he replied, still focused on the plaque.
'Sir, what is this? '
The minister said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young
men and women who died in the service.'
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling
with fear asked, 'Which service, the 9:15 or the 10:30?'
---
...LOL! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
(.,------...__
_.'" `.
.' .' `, `. `. `
. .' .'/''--...__`. \
. .--.`. ' "-. '. |
'' .' _.' .()) .--":/
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| | |
jro
>Hot coffee
I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my
10-year-old grandson and I asked him,
"What day is tomorrow?"
He said "It's President's Day!"
He is a smart kid.
I asked "What does President's Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln ... etc.
He replied, "President's Day is when President Obama
steps out of the White House, and if he sees his
shadow we have one more year of unemployment."
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...
---
...LMAO! - Yeppers! Smart Kid! Thanks PatDeE!
===============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
_
(-)
_( )_
(_`/._) VK
>Inner Peace:
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat plain food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you
any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
.
.
...Chances are
.
.
.
.
.
.
__
/\/'-,
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____,'. ) \___
'"""""------'"""`-----'
pb
.... You Are Probably The Family Dog!
.
.
.
.
.
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual didn't you..?
---
...HaHa! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
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* _ \/ / ',../',.\ _/ \ *
* _/m\ \ / | \ /.,/'\ _\ *
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Mash
>Wooooo!Wooooo!
Two Indians and I were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a
small cave.
"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and listened closely
until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!"
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
I was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about.
"Was that Indian crazy or what?"
The Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season
when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into
the opening.
If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there
waiting for us."
Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo!
Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Immediately, there was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep
inside. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.
I wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a
third large cave. As I looked in amazement at the size of the huge
opening, I was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave!
It's bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really
big, fine women in this cave!" I stood in front of the opening
and hollered with all my might, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Like the others, I then heard an answering call,
"WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"
With a gleam in my eye and a smile on my face, I raced into the cave,
tearing off my clothes as I ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read ...
NAKED NORWEGIAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!!!!!
Don’t feel bad… I didn’t see it coming either.
---
...LOL! Oh My! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
._-'-_ .
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ejm ( `.-_-_-.' )
!`. .'!
! ` . . ' !
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
/ / \ \
_-| \___ ___/ /-_
(_ )__\_)\(_/__( _)
))))\X\ ((((
\/ \/
>Boycott of Arizona is working!
Illegal immigrants are boycotting Arizona by the thousands, showing
their outrage with Arizona's controversial new SB-1070 law by moving
elsewhere.
In the small town of Guadalupe, AZ, south of Phoenix, Manuel Renaldo
is one of those who is punishing Arizona by leaving. As he loaded his
stolen car with his stolen belongings and family of ten, Renaldo told
this reporter through an interpreter "It's a matter of principle; I
refuse to be supported by a state that treats me like a criminal!"
The effects of the exodus are being felt by Arizona retailers, who are
reporting dwindling sales of beer, spray paint, and ammunition. Also
hit hard are the state’s hospitals, which have reported a dramatic
decline in births and emergency room visits. Tattoo parlors are in a
state of panic.
Renaldo told a reporter through an interpreter "He and his family are
moving to California, which is a state that will support him and his
family with dignity!"
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Linda!
============================================================
>-->From Our Friend James :)
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`-._ `-._ |
`-._ `-._ |
kat `-._ `-._
Football combines
two of the worst things
about American life.
It is violence
punctuated by committee meetings.
~ George Will
-<>-
>Thank You Lord
And this too,shall pass...!
Till later...
I Had To Lose
http://community-2.webtv.net/warnnnnn/doc1/
---
...thought provoking indeed. Thank You James.
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ejm
For me, I had to lose to win.
It was the first thing I learned as a child.
If I wanted to play games with my sister, I had to lose.
I was 4 years younger than her. If I won she'd get real
mad, throw the pieces all over the place, wouldn't play
with me anymore and make me clean up the mess. Same thing
would happen if she felt I lost on purpose. So I had to get
real good at losing so I could win and be able to play again.
That poem sure brought back memories.
============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)
,-----.
W/,-. ,-.\W
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[] `===' `===' hjw
>How Old is grandpa?
Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current
events.
The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings
at schools, the computer age, and just things in general..
The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born
before:
' television
' penicillin
' polio shots
' frozen foods
' Xerox
' contact lenses
' Frisbees and
' the pill
There were no:
' credit cards
' laser beams or
' ball-point pens
Man had not invented:
' pantyhose
' air conditioners
' dishwashers
' clothes dryers
' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
' man hadn't yet walked on the moon
Your Grandmother and I got married first,.. And then lived together..
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man
with a title, "Sir."
We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare
centers, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and
common sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to
stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a
bigger privilege...
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your
cousins. Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the
evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent
together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters,
yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on
our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out
listening to Tommy Dorsey. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan '
on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on
your school exam....
Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5&10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and
10 cents.Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a
Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could
spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, But who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
In my day:
' "grass" was mowed,
' "coke" was a cold drink,
' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and
' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.
' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,
' " chip" meant a piece of wood,
' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and
' "software" wasn't even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed
a husband to have a baby.
No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a
generation gap. How old do you think I am?
I bet you have this old lady in mind....you are in for a shock!
Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at
the same time.
Are you ready ?????
This man would be only 75 years old.
GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.......
PASS THIS ON TO THE YOUNG ONES
---
...My how quickly time flies! Thanks Sandi!
================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[POLITICS]
>From Vision To America
Are You Better Off Now Than You Were Two Years Ago?
http://tinyurl.com/3zq7stv
Utah Law Makes Coins Worth Their Weight in Gold
http://tinyurl.com/3cfvxop
-<>-
>From TheTeaParty.net
Rand Paul: Sign the Petition Obama Fears
http://tinyurl.com/3pafuut
-<>-
>From Patriot Update:
Top Obama health aide cashes out after health 'reform'
http://tinyurl.com/44r4uva
Palin Joins Bikers for 'Ride to Freedom'
http://tinyurl.com/4xo6kea
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
+-- Man's luggage was baaaaaaa-d --+
DULLES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - Customs officials at a Washington-area
airport say they arrested an Ethiopian with nearly 90 pounds of sheep
meat in his suitcases. Agents at Dulles International Airport in
Northern Virginia searched the luggage after the man admitted he had
brought food into the country, the New York Daily News reported. But
they weren't expecting meat cooked in a red gravy and divided into 15
plastic bags that weighed 88 pounds. "That's an awful lot of food
product to stuff inside one's baggage," Christopher Hess, port director
for the Port of Washington, said in a statement. Federal regulations
say travelers can't bring animal products into the United States from
countries known to harbor certain diseases, such as foot and mouth
disease and swine fever, the Daily News said. Officials threw the meat
into an incinerator but allowed the unnamed man make his connecting
flight to Seattle.
+-- Woman arrested for biting jerky in store --+
GRAYSLAKE, Ill. - Police in a Chicago suburb said they arrested a woman
accused of biting several packages of beef jerky and returning them to
a store shelf. Grayslake police said Wendy Staples, 50, refused to pay
for the jerky after a Dollar General store manager observed her biting
through the plastic of the packages and putting them back on the shelf,
the Chicago Tribune reported Thursday. Sgt. Scott Heimos said Staples
allegedly pushed the manager in the chest when she was asked to leave.
He said Staples claimed to be a law enforcement officer during her
arrest. "We know she's not, because we've dealt with her before,"
Heimos said. Staples was charged with criminal damage to property,
battery and criminal trespass. She was released on $1,500 bond. Heimos
said investigators do not know the motive behind the jerky-biting.
>From 2009 Archives BizarreNews:
-- Pig eats ring off woman's hand --------------
YORK, England - A British grandmother said she is not to
blame for losing her engagement ring -- it was snatched
by a hungry piglet with a taste for diamonds. Anne Moon,
who has worn the ring since her now-husband gave it to
her 30 years ago, said she was petting a 10-week-old Kune
Kune piglet at the Easingwold Maize Maze Farm, near York,
England, when the swine used its mouth to slip off her
beloved jewel, The Sun reported Tuesday. "I've never been
in such close contact with a pig before so I put my hand
out flat to let it have a sniff," she said. "It just
clamped its teeth around the ring and wouldn't let go.
When I found the diamond was gone, I couldn't believe it.
If the pig wasn't so dirty I think we would have put him
in the back of the car and taken him home." Farmer Paul
Caygill, 46, said he has been sifting through the piglet's
droppings, but so far has found no trace of the precious
ring. "I've been looking through the poo to try and find
the ring," he said. Caygill said he hopes Moon doesn't
have too much trouble convincing the insurance company to
believe her story. "It's got to be one of the more unusual
claims someone could put in for," he said.
-- Man jailed for yawning in court --------------
JOLIET, Ill. - An Illinois man received a six-month
contempt of court jail sentence for letting out a yawn
as the judge was sentencing his cousin. Clifton Williams,
33, was at the fourth-floor courtroom at the Will County
Courthouse in Joliet when he yawned audibly while Circuit
Judge Daniel Rozak was sentencing his cousin to 2 years'
probation on felony drug charges, the Chicago Tribune
reported Monday. Williams, who was locked up July 23, was
sentenced to six months in jail and must serve a minimum
21 days. "I was flabbergasted because I didn't realize a
judge could do that," Williams' father, Clifton Williams
Sr., said. "It seems to me like a yawn is an involuntary
action." Chuck Pelkie, a spokesman for the state's
attorney's office, quoted the prosecutor in the courtroom
as saying "it was not a simple yawn -- it was a loud and
boisterous attempt to disrupt the proceedings." Rozak is
well known for dolling out contempt of court charges.
There are 30 judges serving in the 12th Judicial Court,
but more than one-third of all contempt charges brought
since 1999 originated with Rozak.
-- Couple collects outhouses as garden accent --------
SAUKVILLE, Wis. - A Wisconsin couple said they have amassed
a collection of six antique outhouses to adorn the exotic
gardens at their home. Andrea and John Jaeger of the Town
of Saukville said they purchased their first outhouse more
than 20 years ago at a Mequon, Wis., auction for $5 and
friends soon began bringing aged outhouses to their garden
to turn the single accent piece into a full-fledged collect-
ion, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported Monday. "We
don't really want to collect them," John Jaeger said. "But
we hate to see them being destroyed, because they're part
of history." Jaeger said he considers his outhouse collect-
ion to be complete, but he might be willing to make an
exception if a particularly interesting piece catches his
attention, such as a double-decker outhouse or one made
from brick. "I don't really need any more," he said.
---
...Ah but see this...
Texas Outhouse Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html
=================================================================
+------------- Bizarre Famous People's Pets --------------+
Lord Baden-Powell kept a hyrax (a small nocturnal mammal)
called Hyrie.
Charles Baudelaire kept a bat in a cage on his desk.
Robert Burns was fond of his pet ewe called Poor Mailie.
He even wrote two poems about her.
Lord Byron's pet was a bear. He kept one at Cambridge
University because dogs weren't allowed.
Henrik Ibsen kept a pet scorpion on his desk.
Florence Nightingale kept a small owl in her pocket,
even while serving in the Crimean War.
George Orwell had a goat named Muriel.
Robert Louis Stevenson was the owner of a donkey named
Modestine.
Alfred Lord Tennyson owned a pony named Fanny which used
to pull Tennyson's wife in a wheelchair.
Virginia Woolf kept a marmoset called Mitz.
Sir Ralph Richardson used to ride his motorcycle with
his pet parrot, Jose, on his left shoulder.
================================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.---.
(_---_)
(_/6 6\_)
( v )
`\ /'
.-'': ;``-.
/ \,Y./ \
/ (:)___ \
: .-'XXX`-.`\_;
`.__.-XXX-.__.'\_
/ / XXX \ \ `\_
/ XXX \ `\
/ XXX \ _`\___
jgs / \ (`--"""-')
/ \ (=-=-=-=-)
`--...___ ___...--' (________)
At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to
guess her age.
"You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated.
"I have a couple ideas," he admitted with a smile. "The
trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years
younger, because of your looks, or ten years older, because
of your intelligence."
-<>-
Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a
box that was left on the loading dock with this warning
printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH!
Management was called and all employees were told to stay
clear of the box until it could be analyzed.
When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety
glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside
were 250 signs that read:
DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!
-<>-
..:::::::..
//////\\\\\\\
|||||||||||||
|||||||||||||
|||||||||||||
HH ||||||||||||| HH
HH==================HH
HH==================HH
HH ############# HH
HH ############# HH
HH ########### HH
HH ######### HH
HH ####### HH
HH ##### HH
HH () HH
\\ () //
\\ () //
\\ () //
\\ (//
\\ //)(
____\/___()
,#################....
##################### ```
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
unknown
The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and
I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disap-
pointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of
the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have
them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom
over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who was
looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the
store."
-<>-
The map her friend had drawn indicated that the client, a
country vet she was to see, lived in the second farm past
Yin road. Try as she might, the vet could not find a Yin
Road anywhere! Exasperated, she finally stopped to ask
directions.
She stopped and asked at the next farm. "I ain't never
heard of no Yin Road." said the farmer. "But ya might try
askin' old man McGillicuddy, he's lived 'round here for
better 'n 70 years."
"Thanks," replied the vet. "Where can I find him?"
"He lives on the second farm past the Y in the road."
-<>-
A man was sleeping soundly when his wife shook him and said,
"Wake up, someone is breaking in!"
The man had gone through this same scenario almost every
night of his marriage, and he knew that the only way he
would get any rest was to get up and go check it out.
This time, however, he found that there really was a man
with a gun who entered to rob the house!
As the thief was about to flee the man said, "Stop! You have
to come with me and meet my wife."
Surprised, the thief turned around abruptly and said, "Why
would you want ME to meet your wife?"
The man replied, "She's been expecting you for 20 years."
-<>-
________________
'------._.------'\
\_______________\
.'| .'|
.'_____________.' .|
| | |
| Scooby _.-. | . |
| * (_.-' | |
| Snacks | .|
| * * | .'
|______________|.' LGB
I had worked late, and my Labrador was so overjoyed to see
me arrive home that he jumped up just as I leaned down.
Our heads collided, and I sported an impressive shiner for
several weeks.
I had to repeat frequently to co-workers and friends how I
came by it, and one day on the elevator, a secretary whom
I hadn't seen for some time looked at my black eye and ex-
claimed, "My goodness, what happened to you?"
"The dog did it," I wearily replied.
A man standing next to us looked over at me and said
knowingly, "Ahh, you must own a boxer."
================================================================
>-->From The MouthPiece:
__i
|---|
|[_]|
|:::|
|:::|
`\ \
\_=_\ jsm
** Top Ten Ways To Get Rid Of A Telemarketer **
10. Yea, I could use a credit card,I just filed for
bankruptcy.
9. What are you wearing right now?
8. I'm wearing....(Add Lib)
7. How do you spell your name, your company name, any
kids... etc
6. Oh my God, I haven't seen you since high school, (Go
on and on)
5. (Screaming) Oh my God I have to go! and hang up...
4. What? What????? I can't hear you.
3. Can you speak very slowly, I have to write it all down...
2. Can you fax this to me, (Give a fake number)
1. Hey, I'm under house arrest, could you bring me some beer?
-<>-
!
T ....Well-l-l-l-!
O _._
O . (_{}) ...Blow me down..Sweet Pea!
T. . .\__\
\|/c- o that's not me spinach...
U--=U-
(_,_) ...it's SPAM! ...Uk Uk Uk Uk...
^_(/\)_^
/\ o /\ /\
/ /| o |\ \ |/\|
< \| o |/ > |\/|
\ W\ o | W/ ******/ YUK!
\ \_o_| \ ========= /
)))) )))) | /| ~
| | | |______/| c")@/\ __
____\ @ @__________| SPAM /|__________~/ \____.
/ _/ /_ |_______| \ \/ ) \___..
/ /( ) ) | /| =(/ /( / ____)/D;
==-=== == ========= =( /--\______)/D;
-Christopher Fenn-
>25 Phrases Of Wisdom
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one
you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life
is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably
need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of
checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts
feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with
it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness
of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast
to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they
shall never cease to be amused.
===============================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
. The Blondes have it...
.
.
. ,-,--.
__| //``-, \
\_`\ )\a-a-? \
\ \_`(_=_/_-`__
\__, , \| |
_ _,' ___7 ) |
(_)(_`__(_,---' |
( _( ) |
/ /_| |________|
__/__/__|__|_________)
_________(__,_|)/ (__)|/____\(_______________ mic
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde
assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this
store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"YES!", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with
the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says
to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud
from the container,
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
-<>-
>Blond Detectives
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become
detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first
blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde
answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one
eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his
profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture
for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect,
how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too
easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "For Goodness sake, what’s the matter
with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because
it's a picture of his profile!!
Is that the best answer you can come up with?!?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third
blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "Now think hard before giving
me a stupid answer. This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,
"Hmmmm...The suspect wears contact lenses..."
The policeman is surprised and speechless... "Wow! I can't believe it
... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work!
How were you able to make such an astute observation??"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses
because he only has one eye and one ear..."
-<>-
>Blonde in an Electronics Store
A blonde walked into an electronics store and told the salesman, "I
want that T.V." and she points to the display.
He looks at her and tells her, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to sell that
to blondes." So the blonde, all ticked off, walks out of the store.
An hour later, she walks back into the same store with a black wig
on. She walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V."
and she points to the display.
He looks at her and says, "I'm sorry, but I already told you we can't
sell that to blondes." So she walks out of the store mad again without
a T.V.
A few weeks later she gets a makeover, new hair color and everything,
and she walks back into that electronics store. She walks up to the
salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V." and points to the display.
The salesman shakes his head and tells her, "I told you twice already,
I can't sell that to blondes."
The blonde looks at him and says, "How do you know that I'm a blonde?"
He looks at her and states, "Because, that's a microwave."
-<>-
>Ice Fishing
This blonde really wanted to go ice fishing. She’d seen many books
on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary tools
together, she made for the nearest frozen lake.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular
cut in the ice. Suddenly---from the sky---a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of
cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens,
the voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end
of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The
voice came once more, even louder:
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied,
"NO, THIS IS THE ICE RINK MANAGER!"
-<>-
>Lost In the Snow
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered
what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a
snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."
Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the
driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.
She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck
in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart
parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."
-<>-
>Wanna Hear A Blonde Joke?
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar
stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells
to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir,
you should know five things .....
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional
weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah...Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
-<>-
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I
want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have
lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my
instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was
going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
-<>-
An executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his
company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he
asked, "If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead,
who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
==============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Real Fantasy Trees
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees.html
Miniature Wonderland
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html
Wall Mural Art 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.html
Grand Canyon Skywalk
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skywalk.html
Best Bed Positions
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bed.html
Giethoorn - The Venice Of Holland
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gvillage.html
Extreme Camping
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html
Jellyfish Lake
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jellyfish.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Wesley sent us ones we have pages on here...
Chalk Art 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart3.html
Chalk Art 4
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart4.html
---
...I do love this art!
Car Show Game - 1950s
http://www.americantorque.com/game/car-show-50s/
pass or fail ?
http://www.nationaldriverstest.com/
panoramas of Joplin before and after the tornado
http://goo.gl/KCrvr
joplin
http://goo.gl/nTYN1
---
...Horrific! Thanks Wesley!
Keep these people affected by the natural disasters in
your prayers. We've had fires, floods, and tornadoes already
this summer. God Bless them all through Jesus Christ! Amen!
-<>-
>From TheMouth:
McD Employee Simulator
http://conceptlab.com/simulator/morning/clock800.html
Seinfeld Scripts
http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Beer Fridge
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9261.htm
Best Video
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9262.htm
Big Screen TV
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9263.htm
Bike Meets Post
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9264.htm
Billiards
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9265.htm
Black Diamond Cheese
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9266.htm
Melva/Freedom is Not Free
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/HDy/Fr.html
Melva/Tribute to A Fellow Marine
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/HDy/Tri.html
Rick w/ We're Coming Home Tomorrow
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/ra/ComeHome.html
Memorial Day
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com:80/Pages/flag.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
================================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"An elementary school in Santa Monica is banning tag from
the playground. They're afraid that the game could affect
children's self esteem. This also could prevent the spread
of 'kooties'." --Jay Leno
"I like to watch the World Series. Here's what I do. I sit
down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at
the TV. That's until they throw me out of Applebees."
--Dave Letterman
"Beverly Hills is the worst place for trick-or-treating.
It's a little different here. The kids email you pictures
of them in costumes. Then they fax their candy list and
you have it delivered by a messenger." --Jay Leno
"I remember Halloween. When I was a kid mom dressed me up
six years in a row as a tramp. High heels, fishnets, it
was bad." --Dave Letterman
"At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn't know gave
me anything. Even the people I know don't give me anything."
--George Wallace
"When you get married and have a kid, you can't do all of
those things you wanted to do as a young existentialist of
seventeen or eighteen... like kill yourself." --Al Rae
"I'm very, very jealous. Sometimes I walk down the street
and I see a beautiful woman and I think to myself: "I'll bet
my boyfriend would like to sleep with her" and I get SO
ANGRY. I run right home and smack him, and say, 'How much
more of this do you think I can take?'" --Denise Munro
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the
income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that
I may learn how to do it."
- Pablo Picasso
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I
gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to
take more than one night.'"
- Charles M. Schulz (Charlie Brown in "PPeanuts")
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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>TO SUBSCRIBE:
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