The Dopeler Effect And More... :) Shangy!
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
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================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This too hot to handle new page is from our friend Johanna.
Such an amazing artist! His work is most captivating. Be sure
to check this out and the video here too...
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jgs '---'
The Face Of Christ
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/faceofchrist.html
---
...What a beautifully wonderful one! Thank You Johanna!
-<>-
.--,
.-. __,,,__/ |
/ \-'` `-./_
| | `)
\ ` `\ ;
/ , , |
| / : O /_
| O .--;__ '.
| ( )`. |
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\ \``-.( /
| `---' /--.
,--\___..__ _.' /--.
jgs \ `-._ _`/ ' '.
.' ` ' . `` ' .
*~* We Had A Stupendous Month Last Month Of Caring And Sharing!
>Please Visit And Share All Of Our Newest Web Pages :)
Eleanor Roosevelt Quotes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eleanorquotes.html
Beautiful Russian Churches!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/russianchurches.html
Why Did She Lose?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyhillarylost.html
Up Close And Personal 6!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/personal6.html
Who Wore It Better?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities3.html
Only In Canada!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onlyincanada.html
Beautiful Flowers 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bflowers2.html
Beautiful England!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/england2.html
Most Expensive Paintings!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/expensivepaintings.html
Wally The Rabbit!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallytherabbit.html
*~* May God Bless All Our Sweet Contributors! They Give Us A
Taste Of The 'Spice Of Life' With Their Forwards And Links! :)
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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`-'
Little Johnny wanted to have a birthday present for his grandpa. He went
to a store and saw something he never knew of. He bought it any way
because there was a note written on top of it saying: "TO THAT PERSON
YOU LOVE".
He had it all wrapped up with colorful wrapper and brought his gift to
his grandpa. His grandpa fell off the ground laughing because little
Johnny brought him a bra...
-<>-
Three small kids were bragging about how tough they were. "I'm so
tough," said the first little boy, "that I can wear out a pair of shoes
in a week."
The second little boy said, "I'm so tough, I can wear out a pair of
jeans in a day."
"That's nothing," said the third child. "When my parents take me to see
my Grandma and Grandpa, I can wear them out in an hour."
-<>-
An English teacher often wrote little notes on student essays. She was
working late one night, and as the hours passed, her handwriting
deteriorated. The next day a student came to her after class with his
essay she had corrected. "I can't make out this comment you wrote on my
paper."
The teacher took the paper, and after squinting at it for a minute,
sheepishly replied, "It says that you need to write more legibly."
-<>-
The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an
end. The adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful
Russian baby boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local
college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What
ever possessed you to study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby. In a year or
so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
April 2 is Children's Book Day, Dyngus Day always the Monday after
Easter, National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day and Reconciliation Day
April 3 is Don't Go to Work Unless it's Fun Day, Tweed Day and
World Party Day
April 4 Hug a Newsman Day, Walk Around Things Day, School Librarian
Day and World Rat Day
April 5 is Go for Broke Day and National Dandelion Day
April 6 is California Poppy Day, National Tartan Day, National Walk
to Work Day, New Beer's Eve, Plan Your Epitaph Day and Sorry Charlie
Day
April 7 is Caramel Popcorn Day, National Beer Day, No Housework Day
and World Health Day
April 8 is All is Ours Day Draw a Picture of a Bird Day and Zoo
Lover's Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---|||
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||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ |||
||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ |||
|||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---|||
||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^||
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|| |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^|||
|| , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q |||
|| _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R |||
|| '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y |||
||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z |||
|| _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^|||
|| `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||_______________________________________________________||
Qryz
>Learner's Permit
My daughter had just received her learner's permit and was eager to
drive our car. She got in the driver's side and adjusted her seat and
shoulder belt.
After glancing at all the mirrors, she turned to me with a puzzled
look and complained, "I can't see myself in any of these!"
-<>-
>The Modern Toolbox
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict
pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to
inflict pain on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after
you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500
in damage you did while trying to change out a light
socket with your handy screwdriver.
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when
you get the actual damage estimate. Contains vodka,
orange juice and milk of magnesia for your upset stomach.
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary
few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind
the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and
dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn
on a homeowner's belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes
off when you point it at yourself.
Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your back yard
with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you
to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so
you need to use a flashlight anyway.
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of
electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principal to
harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging and using
the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the
house.
Chainsaw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that
you accidentally built completely around yourself.
Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique
the job you're doing or offer advice.
-<>-
>Multi-Tasking?
My husband was making supper one evening and decided that he would do
our laundry at the same time. As he sorted our clothes for the wash,
he exclaimed, "Whoever said that men can't multi- task?"
When he had finished preparing supper, he went to check on the
laundry, only to find that the washing machine had completed its full
wash cycle without any of our clothes in it.
-<>-
>The Dopeler Effect
A newspaper asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter
it by adding or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
______________________________________________________________
Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as on the
CNN Tower.
Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
recipient who doesn't get it.
Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like a serious bummer.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.
Pigamist: Someone who actually believes that pork is the other white meat.
Jel-no: A liquid goo that appears when you completely disregard the
instructions on a package of gelatin that warns against mixing in
pineapple or kiwi.
Pestrogen: Hormone taken to offset menopause which has side-effects
worse than the condition it is supposed to alleviate.
Gear lobe: Any human ear that is pierced more than four times.
Webonics: Language spoken and understood solely by computer geeks,
often changed at random to ensure it is not used by the general population.
Malloween costume: Clothes worn by teenagers in public shopping
centers that would only be worn by aliens in a "Star Trek" or "Star
Wars" movie.
-<>-
>The Dopeler Effect (More)
Take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some more.
______________________________________________________________
Pasteal: The color that appears on all your pages when your printer
runs out of "yellow" and "magenta".
Halogem: A precious stone, usually a diamond, that is so large that
it blinds anyone within a two mile radius with its reflected light.
See Taylor, Elizabeth.
Fortune Kookie: Anyone who actually believes that something written
on a piece of paper stuffed into a curled wafer in a Chinese
restaurant will actually come true.
Handicarp: The condition under which employees must work when they
have a boss that constantly holds meetings to find out what's taking
everyone so long to complete a project.
Chide-and-seek: Any Barbara Walters interview.
Hilaryous: Adjective describing any hopes that a former First Lady
can successfully run for President if it means that the ex-President
will be back in the White House in ANY capacity.
Phonetick: The involuntary rolling of the eyes when one receives a
call during dinner.
X-Failes: (Noun and verb) Any popular T.V. show that is turned into a movie.
Repoduce: The act of a bank auctioning off all property such as
houses, boats and cars that have defaulted on their loans.
Insect Rebellent: Any spray, citronella candle, bug bomb, pheromone
trap or electric zapper that makes hornets madder than they were before.
Residental Area: The place on your dentures that is covered with
yucky gooey stuff you have to scrape off when they don't stick
anymore before you can put more gooey stuff on them so they will stick
again.
Spamphlet: A thick section included in the center pages of a
magazine designed to look like an legitimate article with the words,
"Special Advertising Section" written on the top in microscopic letters.
Brousing: Having real estate agents show you around a whole bunch of
houses you are not even in the market to buy.
Grand Copera: Any T.V. offering that is a high-drama police show in
a serial format. See "Blues, Hill Street".
Russian Orthodixy: Certain sect of Christian beliefs found in the
Russian state of Georgia.
Blas`eball player: A certain kind of athlete who makes two million
dollars a year and still makes fans pay to get his autograph; also
known to have a slump immediately following a re-negotiation for MORE
money.
Jaztec: A modern interior design in which ancient artifacts and
style are placed among aluminum tubing-based furniture in an attempt
to look stylish.
See "taste, incredibly poor".
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
__..._ _...__
_..-" `Y` "-._
\ Once upon | /
\\ a time..| //
\\\ | ///
\\\ _..---.|.---.._ ///
jgs \\`_..---.Y.---.._`//
'` `'
>SMILES
The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books
by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would
have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they
were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a
new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across
to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The
boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them
to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully,
"That other librarian we had could write."
----------
His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely
guaranteed to make her looks years longer.
She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the
"miracle" products. Finally, when she was done, she turned to her
husband and said, "Honey, honestly now, what age would you say I am?"
He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said, "Well, judging
from your skin, twenty. Your hair, eighteen. Your figure, twenty-five."
"Oh, you're so sweet!"
"Well, hang on, I'm not done adding it up yet."
----------
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his
Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
- The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
- The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
- The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
- The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following
results:
- The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
- The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
- Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
- Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
Just then a little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and
said, "I get it! As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you
won't have worms!"
----------
Woman: Quick! that's my husband at the door!
Man: Where's your bedroom window? I'll jump.
Woman: We don't have a Bedroom Window!
Man: Where would you like one??
-<>-
>Actual Bumper Stickers
(by Kemp Ruffner)
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let him sleep.
- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- Forget about World Peace... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
- i souport publik edekasion
- We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
- Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
- Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a
rock.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
-<>-
.----.
______. | |
_ _ _ _o' \ `----'
o `-- -' o .---.
o o `---'
o o .--.
o o `--'
o __ _ o .--.
- - -' ` -o_ / `--'
`----' .--.
`--'
>HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT? - Oldie but fun
This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely true.
I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds.. I could not believe
this! It is from an orthopedic surgeon............... It will confuse
your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can
outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It is pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your
right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles...
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your
right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both
know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try
it again, if you've not already done so.
Send it to your friends to frustrate them too.
---
...LOL! Works every time! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>A Blonde
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokers and how all blondes are perceived as stupid So, she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint
a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband
leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka
and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she
if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that
she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she
wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
said...
(You'll love this...)
.
.
.
.
.
(I know you will...)
.
.
.
.
.
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
-<>-
`/\
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_ / ___ \
\\_!_________(_/_/ \ \
<#|=====|______ / /__/
/ C|=====|---' \__/
/ |-|-|~
/ /---'
/ /
|_____| jiri
>My Lazy Glock
Today, I placed my Glock 9mm pistol on the table right next to my front
door. I left its full clip beside it, then left it alone and went about
my business.
While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor's son
across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street,
and quite a few cars stopped at the "stop" sign near the front of my
house.
After about an hour, I checked on the gun and it was quietly sitting
there, right where I had left it. It had not moved itself outside. It
had not killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been
presented to do that. In fact, it had not even loaded itself.
Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the hype by the Left and the
media, about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the
media is wrong, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world!
The United States is 3rd in murders throughout the world. But if you
take out just 5 'left-wing' Democratic run cities: Chicago, Detroit,
Washington DC, St Louis, and New Orleans -- the United States is 4th
from the bottom, in the ENTIRE world, for murders.
These 5 cities are controlled by Democrats. They also have the toughest
gun control laws in the USA. It would be absurd to draw any conclusions
from this data, right?
Well, I'm off to check on my forks and spoons. I hear they're making
people fat!
---
...Oh My! LOL! These are rich! Thanks LouiseAu!
By the media hype, you would think that America is worse than
any country in the world - however, compare our open border with
Mexico and see why we need a wall that will protect BOTH of our
countries - from each other!
https://tinyurl.com/y7bk6un2
Here's another eye opener for you:
Mexico Is World's Second Most Violent Country, Report Says
https://tinyurl.com/yd7tfy2w
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Melania Trump Makes Surprise Visit to Florida Hospital to Celebrate
Easter - Washington Examiner
https://tinyurl.com/ybk9wyag
Sign your name to keep your 2nd Amendment Right to protect yourself
and your family:
https://tinyurl.com/ybthmzoa
‘I Love the Smell of a Construction Site’ – Trump Kicks Off
Massive Infrastructure Push - The Daily Caller
https://tinyurl.com/y9ho3qe6
Trump Tells Union Crowd That US Has Best Economy Ever - The New York
Post
https://tinyurl.com/ycdnzdwk
US, Mexico Open New Maritime Front in Drug War - The Associated Press
https://tinyurl.com/y8vkfffr
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Latest From RightAlerts:
http://rightalerts.com
Latest At FoxNews:
http://www.foxnews.com/
Latest From MRC News:
https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck
Latest From TrueDailyNews:
http://truedaily.news/category/news/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A California man successfully launched a homemade steam-
powered rocket as part of an ongoing effort to prove the
earth is flat.
"Mad" Mike Hughes, a 61-year-old limo driver, launched
himself in a steam-powered rocket with the words "research
flat earth" 1,875 feet into the air above the Mojave desert
achieving an estimated speed of 350 mph before activating
his parachute.
Hughes was forced to deploy a second parachute as the
rocket began falling too quickly. The rocket's nose broke
in two places and Hughes landed on the ground with a bump,
which left him with a sore back.
"Am I glad I did it? Yeah. I guess," he said. "I'll feel
it in the morning. I won't be able to get out of bed. At
least I can go home and have dinner and see my cats tonight."
Hughes has spent $20,000 since 2016 in his pursuit of
launching the homemade rocket. A planned launch in 2017 was
scrapped as the converted motorhome he used to launch the
rocket broke down and he couldn't obtain a permit.
Despite stating the rocket "wants to kill you 10 different
ways" Hughes said he was relieved to have completed the
launch.
"I'm tired of people saying I chickened out and didn't build
a rocket. I'm tired of that stuff. I manned up and did it,"
he said.
Hughes has expressed a belief that the earth is "like a
Frisbee -- or flat" and ultimately hopes to raise enough
funds to build a "Rockoon" rocket carried into the atmos-
phere by a gas-filled balloon, to travel about 68 miles
upward and photograph the Earth. Sunday's launch was a
little more a third of a mile.
"My story really is incredible," he said. "It's got a bunch
of story lines -- the garage-built thing. I'm an older guy.
It's out in the middle of nowhere, plus the Flat Earth. The
problem is it brings out all the nuts also, people
questioning everything. It's the downside of all this."
-<>-
Lots of men have fetishes; cheer leaders, dominant women
in tight leather, mother figures, but most men understand
that there are limits to pursuing these fetishes. Often
legal limits. After all, that's what the Internet is for.
But one New York man took his fascination for women's
panties a little too far.
A 23-year-old woman called police to report that there was
a thief in her parents' house. The woman was home alone at
the time. The man was startled and escaped when he realized
she was at home.
The woman gave police a description of the suspect and
officers located him two blocks away. Unfortunately, this
perp will not be able to claim ignorance of the law.
Police identified the suspect as 49-year-old Suffolk County
District Judge Robert Cicale, who is a father of 3 children.
Police said that the judge was in possession of the 23-year-
old woman's panties at the time of his arrest.
Cicale was charged with second-degree burglary and will be
brought before a Nassau County judge for the arraignment.
-<>-
*--------- With This Ring I Thee Wood ---------*
A Florida woman seeking to save a tree from being chopped
down by the city held a wedding where she became married to
the ficus. Karen Cooper said she and other neighbors of
Snell Family Park in Fort Myers were distraught when they
learned the city's Beautification Advisory Board plan to
have the giant ficus, which is more than 100 years old,
removed from the park. Cooper organized an event at the
park where she and several other brides in white gowns said
their vows to the tree. "If they cut down this tree, I'm
going to be a widow," Cooper said. Ward 5 Councilman Fred
Burson, the only city official who attended the wedding,
vowed to fight for the ficus. "If we don't get it settled
at the Beautification Board meeting, I'll take it to the
City Council," he said.
*----------- Burrito Assaults Are Up -----------*
This is what happens when anybody can get their hands on
burritos without proper background checks or licensing.
A man in Wyoming was arrested after fighting with his
sister over a cup. Casper police arrested 20-year-old
Gage L. Fisher, who allegedly threw a hot burrito at his
younger sister, causing a burn to her left arm. According
to police, the suspect's mother told the officers that her
two children were arguing over a cup after Fisher believed
that his younger sister took it while was drinking. The
woman said that she told her son to leave the house to calm
the situation but Fisher became angry with his mother for
taking his sister's side in the fight. "Fisher then threw a
hot burrito, which had just been taken out of the micro-
wave, at his sister. The burrito hit his arm and caused a
burn," police said. The officers noted that the sister's
left arm had a red mark "consistent with something hot,
like a burrito, striking it," according to the police
report. A burrito shaped burn mark? Fisher was charged
assault. It is not known if the burrito was acquired legally.
*--- Woman Plays Flute During brain surgery ---*
Doctors at a Houston hospital shared video of a woman playing
the flute while on the operating table during a brain surgery
procedure. The Texas Medical Center said Anna Henry, 63, was
undergoing a procedure known as "deep brain stimulation" in
the hopes of treating a condition known as essential tremor,
which caused Henry's hands to shake and prevented her from
doing activities including eating soup with a spoon and
playing her beloved instrument. Doctors said the procedure
involves implanting tiny electrodes in the brain that
deliver an electric current. The surgeons shared a video of
her playing the instrument during the procedure to test if
the electric current was helping.
*- Strip club-visiting Monkey Stalks FL Neighborhood -*
North Miami Beach police responded to a report of a
suspicious character wandering around the neighborhood.
Resident Zachary Groffman said he initially didn't realize
what he was looking at. "I thought I saw a dog running
down the street. Then he started jumping on the fence over
here," Groffman said. "I thought I was seeing things," he
said. "I mean, honestly, I had to run down here to make
sure it was real. It was real." The suspect turned out to
be a vervet monkey. The monkey was previously spotted earlier
in the month near the King of Diamonds strip club. Vervet
monkeys have lived in South Florida since the 1940s, when
several of the primates escaped from from a chimpanzee farm
in the Dania Beach area, but they are rarely seen wandering
as far as North Miami Beach. Authorities said they are
considering measures to capture the monkey and return it to
the colony at West Lake Park in Dania Beach.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
/| ,
,/// /|
// // ,///
// // // //
// // || ||
|| || // //
|| || // //
|| || // //
|| || || ||
\\,\|,|\_//
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//^\` `/^\\
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/` _."{_,_}"._ `\
jgs `/` ` \ ||| / ` `\`
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"=,\'-=-'/,="
'---'
I hope you had a very Happy Easter. I know I did.
For three days it was nothing but baskets, candy, eggs, rabbits, eggs,
eggs, and more eggs.
You hard-boil eggs, color eggs, eat chocolate eggs, have an egg hunt,
you make scrambled eggs, the Easter Bunny leaves plastic eggs filled
with candy...it's all that and more - I'm not egg-aggerating!
I'm egg-cellent at telling jokes, right? Come on, you know know you're
cracking up!
Groaningly yours,
Steve
-<>-
>Egg and Toast
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender
says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
-<>-
>Egg Knock-Knock Joke
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Egg.
Egg who?
Egg-cited to see me?
-<>-
>Guess What I Heard?
"Guess what I heard today?" a man says to his wife.
"What, hon?" she asks.
"The mailman has seduced every woman on our block but one."
"Huh," his wife says, "I bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis next-door."
-<>-
>Think About It
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together and
only one of them knows it.
A mobile home with a flat tire is a home.
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What do you call a sleeping egg?
A: Egg-zosted!
Q: What sport are the eggs good at?
A: Running!
Q: Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel Peace Prize?
A: He was outstanding in his field!
Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So he wouldn't wake the sleeping pills.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
, ,
/| |\
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\ | | /
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snd (((____/ \ \ )
'.\_)
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump.
After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me
to the emergency room. The nurse asked for my height and
weight and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother
leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this
is not the Internet."
-<>-
A man comes home from work one day to find his dog with the
neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead
and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to
hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit
into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and
puts the rabbit back into the cage on the neighbor's back
porch, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy,
"Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stumbles around and says, "No.. umm.. no.. I didn't.
what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage
one day, but the weird thing is that the day after the kids
buried him in the backyard we went outside and someone had
dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.
There are some real sick people out there!"
-<>-
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the
next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking
for hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of
this!" and she goes downstairs.
She finally comes back up to bed and her husband asks, "The
dog is STILL barking, what were you doing out there?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard. Let's see
how THEY like it!"
-<>-
A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During
the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the
resurrection was.
Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial,
but at the same time, asking children questions in front of
a congregation can also be very dangerous. Having asked the
children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a
little boy raised his hand...
The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I'm not
sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts
more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
-<>-
My wife and I were going through a rough patch financially,
but we kept ourselves sane by repeating, "As long as we have
each other, we don't need anything else."
But when the television in our bedroom broke and we couldn't
afford to repair or replace it, my wife lost it.
"That's just great!" she shouted. "Now there's no entertain-
ment in our bedroom at all!"
-<>-
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students
that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about
Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn what they had
learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't
know how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,
Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down
the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front
of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you
learn how to drive?'"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
.',',-.
\.. :. '.
/_[)) ''
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/ \_ '._ \
___ .' .'-._':-'
.' '. : \ \\
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snd .'.' .-' ,(............),
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>Not Their Brightest Moments...
I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as
to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the
internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she
was using the ATM "thingy".
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.." Person: "It
says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Person:
"How do I know when it's ready?"
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift.
One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said,
"I'm almost out of typing paper. "What do I do?" "Just use
copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern
took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large new motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was
in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked
like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had
happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise
control, then went in back to make a sandwich.
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate,
I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My
boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he
was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just
south of Elbonia. He replied "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor
call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason:
Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted
them to cross there.
I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented
that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My
lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I
explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the
actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very
disappointed.
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was
for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the
light is red. She responded, appalled, "Why on earth are
blind people driving?"
-<>-
__
| +|
,,,|__|
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_______/ /_ ___
| |__` \~/o\ _,]-]___]----->
| / \( ) )\/.-//
_( \ ) / \ |
//| / ,/ \/
'/ o \
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/______/\_\
\ || /
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|/ \|
:] [:
o| |o
/o| |o\ b'ger
`-' `-'
>YOU MAY BE A NURSE IF...
* You occasionally park in the space with the 'Physicians
Only' sign, and knock it over.
* You always follow the rules, but you're wise enough to
forget them sometimes.
* You have seen more moons than the Hubbell telescope.
* You own at least three pens with the names of
prescription medications on them.
* You believe that saying, 'It can't get any worse' causes
it to get worse just to show you it can.
* You wash your hands before you go to the bathroom.
* You've ever thought a blood pressure cuff would be an
excellent gift for Christmas.
* You've ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on
a car payment.
* You believe any job where you can drive to work in
pajamas is a cool job.
* The ER is a mixture of can do, can't do, and why not!
* You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
* You know it's a full moon without having to look at the
sky.
* You've ever had a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring
and twelve earrings say, "I'm afraid of shots."
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Magical Tiny Snails
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snails.html
Awesome School
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gschool.html
Awesome Bridge
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebridge.html
John Scape's Basement
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html
Expensive Hotel Rooms
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html
Volkner Mobil RV!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv.html
World's Fastest Cars!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html
Pets Left Home Alone!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petshome.html
Ten Life Tips
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetips.html
Empire Sate Building
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/empire.html
A Woman's Tears
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womantears.html
Polar Bear Cubs!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/polarbears.html
Relics From Past!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/relics.html
Graffiti Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/graffiti.html
The Real Three Bears!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bears.html
-<>-
>Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
https://tinyurl.com/y7qf3ksw
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazfamily.com/index.html
-<>-
The Dopeler Effect - Terry Jones
As founder of Travelocity.com, chairman of Kayak.com, and Chief
Information Officer at American Airlines/Sabre, Terry Jones is
on the cutting edge of innovation and change in the new
information age. He leads companies whose innovations have
changed an industry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=av3H6KWRkfI
18 Rare And Unseen Star Wars Shots
Think you've seen all that the Star Wars universe has to
offer? Check out these 18 behind-the-scenes photos from
the original trilogy. Man, Princess Leia is hot!
https://www.gamesradar.com/18-rare-and-unseen-star-wars-shots/
PICTURES OF WALLS
Hundreds of street scenes are captured in this photo
collection snapped primarily in Europe. Humorous deface-
ments abound with some profanity and rudeness thrown in.
http://www.picturesofwalls.com/
The Wooster Collective was founded in 2001. This site is dedicated to
showcasing and celebrating ephemeral art placed on streets in cities
around the world.
http://www.woostercollective.com/#grid-view
New Jersey's Walking Bear Mystery Solved
Wildlife expert says the N.J. bear is most likely walking upright
because of an injury to its front paws.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcIkQaLJ9r8
Momma Bear and Cubs Caught Having a Pool Party in Backyard
These videos reveal the unbelievable scene in Rockaway Township, New
Jersey when a mother bear and her five cubs decided to throw a pool
party.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMRmMLBaYt4
The Tree (True Story!) - Simon's Cat | BLACK & WHITE
Simon comes to his cat's rescue after discovering him up a tree -
meowing for help
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qlF_9PNhJs
From ArcaMax: [Warning- Adult content}
The True Messed Up Story of Pocahontas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=295&v=0EPY1CKFecs
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
World Clock, World And Health Stats etc.
http://www.poodwaddle.com/worldclock/
---
...Wowsers! Most Interesting! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
A wonderful look at some African Wildlife in this beautiful video that
animal and nature lovers should enjoy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elHK4n1m__g
Life is good for these African Animals in this lush river basin and as a
result, many of them have become “slobs and easy riders”. These African
animals give new meaning to the term Fat, Dumb, and Happy. These wild
animals sure know how to have a good time when Happy Hour comes each
day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEP7cVpxxk0
A wonderful look at some beautiful wild animals set to a wonderful
musical soundtrack from Living Music Action. Planet Earth is filled with
amazing creatures and wildlife.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hodomt6bBOw
---
...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu!
Try not to laugh as you watch this criminal mastermind attempt to break
into an employees car at KIRO Radio in Seattle and earn the title of
Idiot of the Day. It’s not every day that an Idiot of the Day gets to
have his own radio announcer narrate his act of stupidity. Thanks to the
voice of John Curley the rest of the world can now have more laughs at
this fool and his attempt to break into the car.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KFJpY7W0wA
---
...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Language-teaching app Duolingo recently added Klingon to
its course selection. By the way, if you have the Duolingo
app on your phone and you use it to learn Klingon, you can
delete Tinder." -Conan O'Brien
"According to a study, being a new mother is the equivalent
of working two and a half full-time jobs. And, even worse,
the boss is constantly grabbing for your breasts."
-Conan O'Brien
"A 102-year-old woman broke a pair of world track and field
records. The 102-year-old ran the 100-meter dash with a time
of 'February.'" -Conan O'Brien
"There's a new study that says giving your child too much
praise can harm them later. If you're too hard on your
kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you
praise them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. What
do these little monsters want from us?" -Jimmy Kimmel
"Engineers have crafted a futuristic jetpack that lets you
fly up to 10,000 feet in the air. It even has a cool name:
It's called 'YOU Try It First.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"I read about a man in Ohio who just ended his streak of
eating Chipotle for 500 straight days. When asked why he
decided to stop, his family said, 'Oh, he died.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"For the first time ever, scientists have created artificial
life. The hope is that it can revolutionize healthcare,
generate clean energy, become super-intelligent, take over
the world, make us all its slaves, etc." -Jimmy Kimmel
"There was some exciting science news today, researchers
say they discovered a new human organ they are calling the
interstitium. It's a layer underneath the skin and they
believe it's the largest organ in the human body. But the
discovery of the interstitium is very exciting. It allows
someone like me to say, "I'm not overweight, I'm just big-
interstitiumed.'" -James Corden
"A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for
men than women. The results of the study were shouted at
me through a locked bedroom door." -Seth Meyers
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it
down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend
reading it."
- Groucho Marx
"We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the
others are here for, I don't know."
- W. H. Auden
"A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward
during the time, and a courageous person afterward."
- Jean Paul Richter
"Researchers at an Austrian university are facing ethics
charges for using human corpses as crash test dummies. See,
that's what happens if you don't have a good Social Security
system - you have to keep working even after you're dead."
--Jay Leno
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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