The Economy, Redneck Computer User And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Today's hot new page is from our friend Linda. It's a fun page with little known trivia to help wipe the cobwebs from the far corners of your brain and get those cells working. It's also a most interesting one that will give you many sparks for that 'learn something new every day' saying. Be sure to check this one out and find out how many you already know... (\ _\_(`\_ `/` _ `/,-'=/` _,'|`._ /' `/` ,-' |||._ `-._ i_i _,-' ,-' || `__ `-._ "=(. .)=" _,-' _,-' --||- (..=`/._ `-/#\ ( i_i ,\ _,-' | )|_|-==` \_)`-/ /v "=(. .)=" ,' ,|/ \ |__||\ //|\\ / / #/ ,/ \ ( ,' ,' ((_.--._)) || )(/|\)' /# ; ,/ #,/v ,' ,' |`- -' ||/ (/\\ / #; ,/# ,/ ,' ' / | \ */"-._ |/ _____,-''"/_)/__ / ,',---|((_.--._(__/ _.--""_____)-//_______"-. (,-.)| `- -( _,"_.--"" |||(( __ "-.: ___,/ ;| \ */ _\'_," (\__/) |||\\\ |__`,()() . \ (,_.) (_| (__/,'_,' /_/)=\.\. = |||||| | `( ` ``\|\)\ ( ;.__| _,-'_,' =//. ==> _7)< |||||| |`` , ` * "") ___\ _,--'_,-' //_(7__/) ////\ |||||| |``` \___.--' \_"""_,--' <*)_//'"" )/_/-"""":|||||,""""(("-._/ | """" ) ( _(-' _.---"\___,----. |||||| | ,' "`._ ,(( | ) ( \_/' ,' _"" "_ `.||||| |,"\\'--._) "._ \ \_/<. .>""( ( . .) )|||| |\\ \/,"\\ /`--._) <. .>|_/\| \/ ) \,-( \(||||| | \\)"\\ \) ||_/( ( | |\/ /, \ \ )\\(:|||||,()""""-.:| | \ `-\ | |__\/, :`/-`._____,-""_,' ctr:| |"""\___,""""""""""""""\(_,( (__,-"||---""""""; \---""""---------""""""""````/////))----""""/ ~~~\ ~///////~ ~/~~~~~ \ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ /~~~~/ ~~/ ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Name These Animal Groups! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalgroups.html --- ...Wow! Fun and Amazing! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: _ __/ /=\ \,/ |-| _|___\_/_ |. |_ |. |:| |. |/ |_________| __|___|__ [_________] ,,,,, _|// , , ;; ( / < D =o |. / /\| _____|><|_______/o / / '==| :: |==' < / / \ < > /____/ / _/\ | :: | / \ ||_|____|/ |o| | x | ( \ / _'_ \ //// | \ | | | | | | | | | \ _ | _ / \ | / \ | / |_|_| /o | o\ /o _|_ o\ (__/ \__) b'ger John goes to the deli for some soup. After he's seated and about to eat he calls the waiter over. When the waiter comes he says, "Taste this soup." The waiter says, "Why what's wrong with the soup?" John says, "Taste this soup." The waiter says, "John, you've come in here for thirty years and you always get the soup, you've never complained before." John says, "Taste this soup." The waiter says, "What? What is it? If you don't want the chicken soup we have other kinds - vegetable, Italian Ministrone?" John says, "Taste this soup!" The waiter finally agrees, "Fine John, fine! I'll taste the soup". He leans over the table prepared to taste the soup, he hesitates and says, "Where's your spoon?" "Exactly," says John, "Where's my bloody spoon?" -<>- An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren. Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her. "Tell me, how old are your grandsons?" The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, "The doctor is four and the lawyer is six..." -<>- A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her, she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enough and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother?" -<>- Botanist Roy Noble had always dreamed of ending world hunger. After years of research, his hard work paid off. He developed a strain of peas that would grow virtually anywhere. It grew fast, kept long without spoiling, and was more nutritious than even soybeans. He was an instant hero, world wide. There were awards and parades, and naturally the new strain of peas was named Noble. After enjoying the fame and fortune for a while, Roy decided he wanted to do more, so he established a fund to award a monetary prize each year to botanists and horticulturists who were making significant contributions to their fields. Thus was born the famous Noble Peas Prize. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 18 is International Museum Day, No Dirty Dishes Day, Victoria Day(Canada) and Visit Your Relatives Day May 19 is Boy's Club Day and World Plant a Vegetable Garden Day May 20 is Be a Millionaire Day and Pick Strawberries Day May 21 is National Memo Day and National Waiters and Waitresses Day May 22 is Buy a Musical Instrument Day, Don't Fry Friday and World Goth Day May 23 is International Jazz Day and Lucky Penny Day May 24 is National Escargot Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _ /\,_/\| /==_ ( (Y_.) / /// U ) (__,_____) ) )' > `/ |._ _____ | | | ( \| ( | | | || | ,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_ b'ger . ,-/,_ >Lost Dog The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neighborhood for some time with no luck. Finally he stopped beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog. "You mean the one following your car?" they asked. -<>- >Nutrition My five-year-old daughter and three-year-old son sat down to supper. To encourage them, I said they had to eat well for proper nutrition. "What's nutrition?" she wanted to know. "It helps us grow,"¯ I explained. "Our bones, our ears to hear, our nose to smell and, most important, our eyes to see." "Like in the back of my head when I'm a mom?" she asked innocently. -<>- >I'm on the Eraser Diet When I stepped on the scale at my doctor's office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds. "Why don't you just take off that last four?" I joked to the nurse's aide as she made a notation on my chart. A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart. "I see you've lost weight," he said. "You're down to... 14 pounds???" -<>- >Pregnancy Ultrasound When my wife was pregnant, her high hormone levels led the doctor to suspect she might be carrying twins. During an ultrasound, she nervously watched the technician. "Well,"¯ she demanded anxiously, "is it twins?" The technician replied, "I've found three so far." "Oh, my goodness!"¯ my wife blurted. "Stop looking!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) /) .-"".L,""-. ; :. : ( 7: ) : ; ctr "..-"-.." >SMILES A 4-year old son was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?" "Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different color." There was a long silence. Then the son asked softly, "Daddy, are you talking to me?" ---------- "You poor dear," said one. "I hope you were left with something." "Oh, yes," said the widow, "Two hundred thousand dollars." "Imagine that. And he couldn't even read or write." The widow nodded earnestly and added, "Or swim." ---------- The same guy had robbed the same bank three times in the last 30 days. The FBI agent in charge of preventing a fourth robbery asked the nervous bank teller, "Have you noticed anything in particular about the robber?" "Yes," the teller replied. "I notice that each time he comes into the bank he's much better dressed." ---------- Recently my 7-year-old son was baptized at nearby Lake Tahoe. With tears streaming down my face, I watched as he came out of the water, then excitedly asked if he felt any different. "Yeah, Mom, I do," he replied. "Now I have water up my nose!" ---------- In dire need of a beauty make-over, I went to my salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous-haired model. I showed the stylist the trendy new cut I wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on my thin, graying hair. I was delighted by his cheerful attitude until I recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission: Impossible." --------- A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry." ------- O_ __)( ,' `. (_".`. : : /|` | | ((|_ ,-. ; - /: ,' `:(( -\ / -' `: ____ \\\-: _\__ ____|___ \____|_ ; | | '-` : :_____|:|__________________: ; |:| : : |:| : ;_______`'___________________: : : |______________________________| `---.--------------------.---' |____________________| | | |____________________| |SSt | _\|_\|_\/(__\__)\__\//_|(_ >The economy is so bad: My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. I saw a Mormon with only one wife. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. A picture is now only worth 200 words. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. And, finally... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Afghanistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck. --- ...LMAO! Oh MY! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >THE WISDOM OF WILL ROGERS 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman... neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to touch the electric fence for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 11 .Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 12. AND FINALLY--After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! More Here: Will Rogers Quotes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willrogers.html ========================================================= xx / .|_ /(_)_< --- cack cack! / ( ((____.-' ) \\ / \'-.-.-'`/ -Miss.Kitty- _ \______/ (_) _|_\_ '''''''''''''''' >-->From HandyHints: If the only thing you're doing with eggs is making omelets, you're missing out. Sure, eggs are delicious and nutritious, they contain several vitamins and minerals that are essential parts of a healthful diet, including vitamin A, vitamin B-12, and selenium for keeping your immune system healthy, but eggs can also contribute to your outer health; strengthening your hair and improving your skin. Let's find out how! * Yolks thicken hair Used in a hair mask, egg yolk's biotin boosts growth and strengthens strands to thwart shedding. Mix 1 yolk with 1 Tbs. of olive oil (its amino acids plump strands and reduce breakage), then apply from the scalp to the ends of damp hair. Rinse after 15 minutes. * Whites de-puff eyes Thanks to the high protein content, egg whites tighten skin as they dry, reducing undereye swelling for up to 4 hours! Beat the white of 1 egg until foamy, then dap onto undereye bags with a cotton ball. Let sit 15 minutes, then rinse. * Shells soften rough skin The grittiness of a ground eggshell scrub sloughs off dead, dry skin cells while its minerals repair any damage. Grind 2 or 3 eggshells in a blender until pulverized, then mix with 2 Tbs. of coconut oil. Rub onto damp skin while showering. Rinse. -<>- The best way to extend the life of fresh-cut flowers is to refrigerate them overnight. Cold slows their growth, so they open more slowly. In fact, researchers tested how common additives like aspirin and Sprite compared to refrigeration, and they discovered that bouquets that were popped in the fridge overnight stayed fresh four days longer. * Feed and protect with a sugar solution To make a nourishing potion that fortifies flowers and fights bacteria at the same time, just combine 3 Tbs. of sugar with 2 Tbs. of white vinegar in 1 qt of clean water. This DIY food is the closest to the ingredients in commercial flower preservatives which can extend the life of bouquets by a week or more. * Hydrate flowers by cutting them at an angle Before putting bouquets in a vase, fill a bowl with water, then recut the bottoms of the stems at an angle while submerged. The angle helps maximize the surface area of the stem letting it take in more water. * Make garden blooms last by snipping in the morning When it comes to harvesting hyacinths, peonies and other showy blooms from your garden, timing is everything. Early in the morning is when the stems and flowers are richest in moisture and minerals, helping them stay healthy and last much longer. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: * Gargling with tea cuts viral infection risk by 87 percent! To ward off spring viruses that can dash your spirits and leave you sidelined, gargle with a cup of cooled green or black tea for 30 seconds once a day. Researchers reporting in the journal BMC Public Health found that doing so cuts your risk of falling ill by a whopping 87 percent. Credit goes to unique antiviral compounds in tea that quickly kill off infectious germs. * Harvest rainwater Adding a rain barrel is an inexpensive and effortless way to capture mineral and chlorine free water for watering lawns, yards, and gardens, as well as washing cars or rinsing windows. By harnessing what's literally raining from the sky, you'll not only notice a marked dip in water costs, but also a reduction in stormwater runoff, which in turn helps prevent erosion and flooding. Pop a screen on top of your barrel to keep out insects, debris, and bird missiles, and make frequent use of your water supply to keep it moving and aerated. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: CDC Coronavirus https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html New VA Home Loan Resources, Free Virtual Service Remembrance Plaque, Increased Urgent Care Access https://tinyurl.com/ycm5jkms Watters World - the Boiling Point! https://www.bitchute.com/video/sxwtcIkw2Or6/ No, ObamaGate is Not a ‘Conspiracy Theory’ -New York Post https://tinyurl.com/ya669g6b Here is everything you need to know about ‘unmasking’ and Michael Flynn, all in one place https://tinyurl.com/ybzdhxfm Nancy Pelosi’s $3 Trillion Coronavirus ‘Relief’ Bill is Purely a Political Stunt -New York Post “House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is happy to play rank politics with the federal coronavirus response,” the New York Post editorial board writes. Exhibit A is the absurd $3 trillion package she unveiled, which is the first major emergency bill written by one party with zero input from the other. “The bill is packed with junk that has nothing to do with the pandemic.” https://tinyurl.com/yccnzgrk Ivanka Trump helps local farmers, launches new food distribution program https://tinyurl.com/y8h2gwlx Trump Unveils Official Space Force Flag -The Hill “The Trump administration on Friday unveiled the official flag to be used by the Space Force, the newest branch of the military,” Brett Samuels reports. “The flag is dark blue with a delta wing, an elliptical orbit and three large stars . . . It is the first new military flag to be unveiled in 72 years.” https://tinyurl.com/yabwymg4 After Atheists Attack, This Non-Religious Volunteer Stood Up for Samaritan’s Purse NYC Field Hospital https://tinyurl.com/y8ntvssd Westwing News: Team Obama’s Unmasking Dodge https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: Nancy Pelosi’s left-wing wish list https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Ice Cream, Chocolate, CBD Oil http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: We should have seen this one coming. With everybody not just encouraged, but in many places REQUIRED to wear a mask when walking into any public business, it should be no surprise that some entrepreneurial individuals would take advantage of the situation, but in some areas the spike in armed robberies has been dramatic... even for America. Police in Santa Ana, CA have reported that robberies in the city have increased by 50 percent since the lockdown. Just last week a masked man walked into a gas station at 2 in the morning and pointing a gun right at the clerk, while his accomplice, also wearing a mask, grabbed the cash. The owner said he has never seen anything like it the 17 years he's run his Santa Ana gas station and convenience store. He said local face covering requirements put his staff in danger. In a similar robbery last month, a thief hid his face with a bandana at a doughnut shop on Bristol. The cashier was caught off guard when the thief pulled out a gun and placed it on the counter. The thief then emptied both registers before getting away. Police said they were not exactly sure why there has been such an increase in robberies, but said it could be related to the number of inmates released from area jails due to the pandemic. -<>- Being in the open air is the best way to reduce your risk of infection by the COVID. That and maintaining a distance of 6 feet from other people. And these are two conditions you will not find in the fetid interior of any strip club. But strippers are people too, just like their compulsive, voyeuristic patrons. So how do you satisfy a stripper's right to work and a customer's right to ogle during a national shutdown? At Minx Gentlemens Club in Virginia Beach, customers can social distance by staying in their cars to watch scantily- clad performers dance on poles. In video of the drive-thru strip club dancers in bikinis could be seen vying for the attention of customers driving slowly through the makeshift outdoor space. Some dancers were showered in bills thrown through car windows, others grabbed their tips from customers by using a trash picker to reach into vehicles. On a recent Friday night cars were lining up to see dancers clad in thongs, pasties and other revealing outfits. Minx is not the first strip club to pivot to a drive-thru model during the coronavirus pandemic, which has forced businesses across the country to close. Little Darlings in Las Vegas is also offering drive-up nude strip teases. *--- World's shortest living man ---* Edward Nino Hernandez, of Colombia, is the world's shortest man living, Guinness World Records said. The world record title was awarded amid his birthday celebration as he turned 34 on Monday, Guinness World Records said in a statement. Hernandez has achieved the title at 2 feet, 4.39 inches tall. Hernandez grew up reaching the regular milestones, but realized at age 4, his friends were growing taller than him. His parents sought medical advice at the time, but the reason his growth was stunted wasn't discovered until about 20 years later when he was diagnosed with severe hypothyroidism. The diagnosis hasn't stopped Hernandez from having a positive attitude and enjoying life. He can some- times be seen dancing in the streets to Reggaeton, Merengue and Vallenato music. "I use my smile to conquer the world! I always share my big smile with everyone; that's my charm," Hernandez said. *--- Police use mating call to capture peacock ---* A Boston police officer used a mating call on his cell phone to lure a peacock escaped from the Franklin Park Zoo into custody. Officers on patrol in the area of Franklin Park Zoo received a tip from a concerned citizen that an animal had escaped the zoo, a Boston Police Department statement shows. "Additional officers arrived at the scene and were met by an extremely large, slightly intimidating and quite beautiful, male peacock," the statement said. "An officer on scene relied on his quick wit to track down a peacock mating call on his cell phone, successfully luring the bird into a fenced yard where he waited patiently for the arrival of Boston Animal Control." *--- That's some bull... ---* A bull attempting to alleviate an "itchy bum" using a utility pole ended up knocking out the electricity for more than 700 homes in a Scottish town. Hazel Laughton posted an apology to a local Facebook group after her 4-year-old bull, Ron, rubbed up against a utility pole and ended up knocking the transformer box to the ground. "Our bull Ron would like to apologize to everyone in Chapelton and Strathaven for causing last nights power cut to over 700 homes," Laughton wrote. "He had [an] itchy bum so [he] scratched it on the electricity pole and knocked the transformer box off." She said Ron is "happy to be alive" after managing to avoid an 11,000 volt shock from the fallen transformer box. Laughton, who runs East Shawtonhill Farm with her husband, said the local utility company restored power a few hours later. *--- Can you even lasso a tiger? ---* A surprised witness on a street in Mexico captured video of the surreal moment a loose tiger was lassoed by a man wearing a cowboy hat. Footage filmed from the safely of a passing vehicle in a suburb of Guadalajara, Jalisco, shows the tiger walking loose down a sidewalk while three men chase the large animal. One of the men, wearing a cowboy hat, manages to lasso the tiger, which then pulls the man out of the video's frame. Authorities confirmed they received witness reports about the loose tiger and its pursuers, but the big cat and the men were gone from the area by the time they arrived. Reports indicated the tiger may have escaped from a private residence in the area, but authorities have not identified the animal's owner or any of the men seen in the video. --- ...Awesome! I found the amazing video for you! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gRuIuRfIkQ ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _.--._ _.--._ ,-=.-":;:;:;\':;:;:;"-._ \\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\ \\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\ \\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\ \\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;::;:;:;:\ \\\;:;::;:;:;\:;:;:;::;:\ \\\;;:;:_:--:\:_:--:_;:;\ -shimrod \\\_.-" : "-._\ \`_..--""--.;.--""--.._=> " Today, I learned that a "Thesaurus" is not a rare type of dinosaur. That sounds made up, right? It has "saurus" on the end. So maybe he should call a doctor! A Thesaurus has to be a dinosaur. That's just plain old science! Groaningly yours, Steve -<>- >Can We Have A Word? Husband: Do you know that on an average women says between 10,000 to 35,000 words a day? Wife: Yes, that's because they have to repeat everything often to men. Husband: What? -<>- >Ran Into the Ex Edward came home from a long business trip and fell into the sofa without saying a word to his wife. She came over to see what was bothering him, and he said, "Well, I ran into Mary - you remember my ex-wife? - and she dumped a bottle of ketchup all over me." "Well," said his wife, "I'll just let you rest, then. I can see you're ex-sauced, Ted." -<>- >Wanna Dance? A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant." -<>- | (_) | _.-|_____| ,' ` / \ / | / ; _,' / (_ / '-._ / '-._ (| \\`-._) \\ | (_) | ____ | / ___\ | ,--.; /d\q )| ::._ \;\`- / | ::( `.\ `-' | :::`. `.`-._,| ::: `. `-._,|; ;::: : `-._|__; ;::::: : | ::::::: : | ::::::: : | :::::::.: \ ::::::::: ,--.`._ | |_|__( __) \ jrei |_..__)_)`.____.' >Back Problems Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup. "I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says. "What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks. "I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch." -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician? A: Take a cod, any cod. Q: Why don't you ever see chickens in the zoo? A: Because they can't afford the admission. Q: Do you know how to make a hormone? A: Don't pay her. Q: How do you make a bandstand? A: Take away their chairs. Q: Why did the king go to the dentist? A: To get his teeth crowned. Q: Why did the cowboy ride his horse? A: Because it was too heavy to carry. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: |..| ? ? c >| ? \'/ /><\ unknown Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. and Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." -<>- A man just returned from traveling around the USA for a year. He had a lot of stories to tell. Here is one of them. It seems he was looking for a bank and stopped to ask directions. The man he asked replied "Just drive down this road about 5 miles and then turn left at the Stop n Go." He drove 5 miles, then 6, then 7. At about 10 miles down he stopped for directions again. The man he asked replied, "Just go back down this road about 5 miles and turn right at the Stop n Go" He headed out again but still had no luck. When he got back to where he had started he stopped again. When he asked for directions the answer was exactly the same. This time Jim asked, "Could you describe the Stop n Go for me?" The man gave him a funny look and said "It's on a pole. It's got a red light on the top, a Green light on the bottom..." -<>- An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my father's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning. That's why he's still alive, he's a golfer." The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 118 years old." The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married last night." The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?" The old timer shot back, "Who said he wanted to?" -<>- At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?" -<>- .-..-. (-o/\o-) /`""``""`\ \ /.__.\ / \ `--` / `) (' , /::::\ , |'.\::::/.'| _| ';::;' |_ (::) || (::) _. "| || |" _(:) '. || .' /::\ '._||_.' \::/ /::::\ /:::\ \::::/ _\:::/ /::::\_.._ _.._ _.._ _.._/::::\ \::::/::::\/::::\/::::\/::::\::::/ jgs `""`\::::/\::::/\::::/\::::/`""` `""` `""` `""` `""` Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous. 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. 10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. 12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 16. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now. --- ...He must have seen our new page this month... Winston Churchill Quotes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/churchillquotes.html ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: ___ "humph" __|___|__ \ ___ ( oo ((___) ________ _\ ~-~_ ___________ (_( -- | / \/|\/ \ /| _\ -/_ | / / \ \ || | \\// | | ______\ \_____/ /________ || |(_""_)| |/ \_\ /_/ / || ||____|| / \_) (_/ /__|| ||//\\|| /________________________/__/ | (///\\\) |||_______|__||__|______||__|/ ////\\\\ || <___||___> || | |\ \ jro|| || |_| \_\ /\_> /\_> >BLOOPERS: Sign above a dryer in a coin laundry: “When the light goes on, please remove all your clothes” (Frank Stewart) The sun is a natural source of ultraviolent rays. (Richard Lederer) A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday. (Rodney & Cathy) Headline: Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide (Randall Woodman Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance. (Rodney & Cathy) A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. (Richard Lederer) Headline: Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge (Randall Woodman) The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. (Rodney & Cathy) Ushers will eat latecomers. (Rodney & Cathy) Billboard on Florida highway: If You Can't Read, We Can Help (Funnybone) Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel. (Lee Daniel Quinn) -<>- _,..._ /__ \ >< `. \ /_ \ | \-_ /:| ,--'..'. : ,' `. _,' \ _.._,--'' , | , ,',, _| _,.'| | | \\||/,'(,' '--'' | | | _ ||| | /-' | | | (- -)<`._ | / / | | \_\O/_/`-.(<< |____/ / | | / \ / -'| `--.'| | | \___/ / / | | H H / | | |_|_..-H-H--.._ / ,| | |-.._"_"__..-| | _-/ | | | | | | \_ | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | _..' | |____| jrei | |_(____..._' _.' | `-..______..-'"" (___..--' >Meet Me For Lunch The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked,"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . .?" After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone." -<>- >Picking Pecans On the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several were dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, it's Satan and the Lord dividing the souls at the cemetery. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard. Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it, kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted, though, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town 5 minutes before the boy..... -<>- _,-""`""-~`) (`~ \ | a a \ ; o ; ___ _,,,,_ _.-~'. \ `^` /`_.-"~ `~-;` \ \_ _ .' `, | |`- \'__/ / ,_ \ `'-. / .-""~~--. `"-, ;_ / | \ \ | `""` \__.--'`"-. /_ |' `"` `~~~---.., | jgs \ _.-'`-. \ \ '. / `"~"` >The Bear Family Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly." "OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?" "No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does." The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago." "You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge. "Definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody." -<>- >What's the Difference? What's the difference between a train and a school teacher? One says,"Choo-choo", and the other says, "Spit out the Gum!" -<>- >George 70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?" George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when I'm done." "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off?" George's wife exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!". -<>- \(,%%*%,_ -%*%%,)/ %%/*( /) /) )*\%% %% )\| (/ (/ |/( %% _/ #) __/') ('\__ (# \_ .) ,/ _/ / \ \_ \, (. /)#(_,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,\,((,,,,,,,)),/,_)#(\ b'ger >Two Rabbits Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and out number them?" -<>- SCROLLING SCROLLING SCROLLIIIING....! / ___, __)___)__ ,= \\\ , \D_/ \_ __/). \/ =\ /6) \ ___/_\_/\ / __/ \ /_/-\o____) / ,_/| \ \/ /___|_ \_)o_ \ _.-' M):_/_:) ___ '---`' \>__/ /o /----.,/_ \ ( / /o / \) \ ____/ (' \,/ ( / __b'ger_____/_______/______)___>__,_______/\_(____ ~~ ~ ~~ ~~ >Redneck Computer User Ten Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer 10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is "Bubba." 4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU. 3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive. 2. The keyboard is painted in camouflage. AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is... 1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) >In Honor Of Canada Day and International Museum Day... Only In Canada! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onlyincanada.html Montreal Aura Basilica! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montrealaura.html Montreal Gardens! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montreal.htmlv Montreal Mosaicultures Show! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montrealshow.html Creation Museum! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/creationmuseum.html Metropolitan Museum Of Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/metmuseumart.html Egyptian Museum In Cairo! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/egyptianmuseum.html Wieliczka Salt Mine! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saltmine.html Sunken Treasure In A Field! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/steamboat.html World's Most Expensive Paintings! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/expensivepaintings.html Old 1917 Blackboards! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blackboards.html World's Most Expensive Things! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/expensive.html -<>- How often should you eat canned tuna? https://tinyurl.com/y7hsvx67 FUNNY CATS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHY-yCuxykk FUNNY ANIMALS - RACCOONS + SQUIRRELS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IODoAbgaV5U Kind and touching actions - People Saving animals (you'll be rooting for these animals!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuqBlfRmvbM Reminds me of these... Whale Rescue 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html Eagle Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html Rescued Raccoon http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rescuedraccoon.html Goose Calls For Cops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mothergoose.html Koalas In A Heatwave http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas.html Elephant Rescue 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant4.html Bear Rescue 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue3.html Fawn Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fawnrescue.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) All About China holds the patent for coronavirus treatment remdesivir https://tinyurl.com/ybln6a5k Norberto Jansenson 'Azulejos' illusion makes tiles appear and disappear before your eyes. How does he do it? https://youtu.be/9O9HfafzBPE --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! Really cute and adorable animals of all kinds - owls, bears, dogs, cats, porcupines, rabbits, lemurs, turtles, chipmunks, koalas, ferrets and many more. https://youtu.be/w0BNVGE7Tvs This video from Edgar's Mission Farm Sanctuary in Australia just might be The Happiest Video Ever! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIF3BYBXZWA --- ...So Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! Sir Nicholas Winton: the man who saved 669 children from the Nazis | Channel 4 News https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxkCeVtwHl8 WWII hero honored for saving children from Nazis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxuRarH5nPU Children Saved from the Nazis : The Story of Sir Nicholas Winton https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT0yPjj0UqQ --- ...So heartwarming! Thank You LouiseAu! Who will save our children from socialism now? -LouiseAu I think God wanted us to see how bad socialism can be so He allowed the devil and the Democrats to play havoc with our capitalist countries around the world. Here in the US, many are suffering from this 'depend on government' time right now! Millions are out of work and many haven't received a cent from the 'care act' from the government. They are still waiting for their unemployment to kick in without a clue as to when or if they will be able to pay their bills next month or even have a way to do so in the next several months! I think many of us were praying for less work and more time to do as we wanted at home with our loved ones. The good life. We've learned that socialism isn't the answer to happiness. The good life wasn't to be amid shortages, unpaid bills, and little or no regular medical care or eye care or dental care or child vaccinations or veterinarian pet care - unless it is an emergency. Not to mention loss of loved ones from the virus and loss of being able to be with our loved ones outside of our own home including those in nursing homes or those dying. We weren't even allowed to attend funerals or go to our regular church services! No, socialism with all it's Government controlling our lives doesn't give us free stuff - it only gives us pure hell. We got a taste of free stuff from the government, not working and being locked down in our homes. Now we are all praying for a return to our normal lives and our God given freedoms! -<>- >From Our Friend Cloie :) Just click on the year & listen to your favorite English songs from 1951 to 2015. http://thenostalgiamachine.com/ --- ...Love This! Great! Thanks Cloie! -<>- >From our Friend Linda :) CLICK ON THE PAINTING UNTIL YOU ENTER THE VERY EYEBALLS . . . https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-52657164# --- ...Fascinating read! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Starting this week, every fast food chain in America has to post calorie counts on their menus. You can tell people are confused, because today they read the menu like, 'I'll have the Whopper 3,000!'" -Jimmy Fallon "A new poll has found that a majority of Americans say that driverless cars will have a big impact on the elderly. Specifically, if they don't cross the street fast enough." -Seth Meyers "A Colorado woman was tracked down by police after blowing up a microwave at 7-Eleven. Now, that's not the crazy part - she did it while trying to heat a cup of urine. I sympathize with this woman, I know how it can be in the morning. I mean, don't even talk to me until I've had my first cup of urine." -James Corden "A woman in Colorado was cited for property damage after she used a 7-Eleven microwave to heat up a urine sample, and it exploded. The 7-Eleven owner was like, 'Lady, if you wanted hot urine, you could've just poured yourself a coffee.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A New Hampshire man who went hiking and was reported missing by his wife now owes the government thousands of dollars for the search effort, because when they found him, he had been staying in a luxury hotel. He has to pay thousands of dollars - and that's just for eating the macadamia nuts from the mini-bar." -James Corden "Einstein Bros. Bagels shop is now serving mac and cheese bagels. So if you love bagels, and you love mac and cheese, I hope you have a great personality." -Seth Meyers "Today is National Teacher Appreciation Day. It's the one day each year when we tell our teachers that there's no one we're prouder of, and our teachers are like, 'There's no one OF WHOM you're prouder.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Facebook is adding a new feature that will allow people to use Facebook as an online dating app. I'm not sure Facebook understands why we use Facebook. Facebook isn't for finding dates; it's for finding people we used to date. Then we silently judge them, feel better about ourselves. That's the only use for Facebook." -James Corden "In a new interview, billionaire Warren Buffett called Bitcoin 'rat poison.' Which is an unfair comparison because people actually understand how rat poison works." -Conan O'Brien "In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back to Channel One." - Yakov Smirnoff. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************