The Frogs Have It... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ .-=":-=") |_.'|_.' /" /" : / / / .' .' : .-'-.---. / .--"""""--.. : .((((__ .\ ___.:-//\\\\\\-._ -. __..--'"` [.]-[.] \\_. ` `""--..__ ..---\ ___(/_ | /___ /---.. """",-/_...---'"`` \,_ /.- ``"'---..__\-,"""" " /"""'"'""""/ " \`'-.__.-' \___ aa/wkm "._________".' ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press: Our first too hot to handle new page is from our friends LouiseAu, Linda and Johanna. So adorable, it will give you plenty of awws for your day! Be sure to check this one out here: ) _. mmeeoowwrr! (___)'' / ,_,/ /'"\ )\ itz Animal Moms 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms6.html --- ...So sweet! Thanks Ladies! Our next too hot to handle new page is from our friends Linda and LouiseAu. Here is one with my own favorite flower. Check it out and the wonderful inspirational video here too... _.--. ;.-'i.`._.--, {(;{} y`-.`,_`--. <`~;`-( _.'`.~`.' \ \ `i.' ` Y },-,) .j~. | ; / _j\ <_ `! ;_.'( / >-, `---.,' .'-j / `. ,<_ ( `. \ `=-j\ `--->From SmileZilla: * _| __ (__ Question _) | * jgs >Things to ponder Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body? Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance? If you tell someone they are being judgemental aren't you being judgemental yourself? Why do they call it a 'running back' when he is running forward? Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place? Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests? If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you? If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm? Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille? Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill? If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles? If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard? If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days? ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 13 is Frog Jumping Day and Leprechaun Day May 14 is Dance Like a Chicken Day May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day and Police Officer's Memorial Day May 16 is Love a Tree Day, National Sea Monkey Day and Wear Purple for Peace Day May 17 is National Bike to Work Day and Pack Rat Day May 18 is Armed Forces Day, International Museum Day, No Dirty Dishes Day and Visit Your Relatives Day May 19 is Boy's Club Day and World Plant a Vegetable Garden Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Seaside Hotel A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows." -<>- >Need a Raise! The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college president, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look." He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the president, scratching his head. "I would have phoned." -<>- >Flat Tire A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain. A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service station. The motorist thanked him profusely and said, "I don't know why you are in that place." The patient said, "I'm in here for being crazy, not for being stupid." -<>- >Window Seats At the airport check-in counter I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both she and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them for sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I *know* what I'm requesting!" -<>- >A Useful Tip In promulgating your esoteric cogitation or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiation have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity. In short: "Be brief and don't use big words." ========================================================= .-----. /7 . ( / .-. \ / / \ \ / ` ) ( ) / ` ) ). \ .' _. \_/ . | .--. .' _.' )`. | ( `---...._.' `---.'_) .. \ \ `----....___ `. \ | `. _ ----- _ `._ )/ | `. /" \ /" \`. `._ | `. ((O)` ) ((O)` ) `. `._\ `-- '`---' `---' ) `. `-. / ` \ `-. .' `. `. / ` ` `. `-. .--. \ ===._____.======. ` ` `. .___.--` .''''. ' .` `-. `. )`. ` ` ` \ .' . ' 8) (8 . ` `-.`. ( . ` ` .`\ .' ' ' / \ `. ` `-. ) ` . ` ` \ .' ' . ' / \ ` `. ` . \`. .--. | ` ) ` .``/ ' // . / `. ``. . \ \ .-- `. ( ` /_ ` . / ' . '/ .' `. ` \ ` \ \ '-. `-' .' `-. ` . .'/ .' \ `.`. ` \ \ ) /`._.` `. ` . .' / LGB | `.`. . \ \ (.' `. .' .' __/ .. \ \ ` ) \ \.' .. \__ .-._.-' '" ) .-' `. ( '" `-._.--. (_________.-====' / .' /\_)`--..__________..-- `====-. _________) (.'(.' >-->On The Froggy Side... Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: Because they eat whatever bugs them. Q: What do frogs do with paper? A: Rip-it. / \ _(I)(I)_ ( _ .. _ ) `.`--'.' ) ( ,-./ \,-. ( _( || || )_ ) __\ \\||--||'/ /__ hjw `-._//||\/||\\_.-' `--'`--' Q: Why are frogs so good at basketball? A: Because they always make jump shots. Q: Why didn’t the frog park on the side of the road? A: He was afraid of getting toad. _ _ __ ___.--'_`. .'_`--.___ __ ( _`.'. - 'o` ) ( 'o` - .`.'_ ) _\.'_' _.-' `-._ `_`./_ ( \`. ) //\` '/\\ ( .'/ ) \_`-'`---'\\__, ,__//`---'`-'_/ \` `-\ /-' '/ ` ' VK Q: What did the frog say as he looked through the books at the library? A: Reddit! Reddit! Reddit! Q: What do you call a woman with a frog on her head? A: Lily. Q: What’s a frog’s favorite game? A: Croak-et. _ _ (.)_(.) _ ( _ ) _ / \/`-----'\/ \ __\ ( ( ) ) /__ ) /\ \._./ /\ ( jgs )_/ /|\ /|\ \_( Q: What do frogs drink? A: Croak-a-cola. Q: What’s a frog’s favorite candy? A: Lollihops. Q: What kind of shoes do frogs wear? A: Open toad sandals. .-. .-.| ) ( __\ '-. / \___) \_/ _ (/_ /| ,o(_/)_/ | /` ___/ < /` _ | __ / / _` \/ \ \ Y / ))\ / \ | / /\ \ \_| /` \| | _,___/ \\_ \ / |\ \ \ | / | \ \ | |/ /|\ / / / | | \ s-v Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a frog? A: A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .-. __ / \ __ ( `'.\ /.'` ) '-._.(;;;)._.-' .-' ,`"`, '-. (__.-'/ \'-.__)/)_ \ /\ / / ) '-' | \/.-') , | .'/\'..) |\ |/ | \_) \ | | \_/ | \ / \|/ _, jgs / __/ / | _/ _.' |/__/ \ >SMILES A few women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said, "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to Hell." This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in Hell. So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said, "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven." Another one said "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it unless I mend my ways, I better start soon." At this point they noticed that one of the ladies (the only single women in the group, and a blonde, mind you) wasn't saying anything. They turned to her and said, "You're such a nice lady, surely you'll be going to Heaven?" She says, "No way! In fact, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to Hell!" They were shocked and asked, "Why??" "Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you??!?" ---------- Driving my friend Bill and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Bill's girlfriend glanced up at it and said, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her." "No," Bill corrected, "If I drank a six-pack, of that brand, you'd look like her." ---------- Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "Just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, "Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited." "Well, Father," the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest.. "But that's not what has me so excited, Father." Replied the nun, "It was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!" The priest exclaimed, "What a very serious infraction! What did you do?" The nun replied, "Well, I hit the ceiling, Father." The Priest replied, "And how much did you win?" --------- A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his fingers. At the emergency room, his doctor says, "Give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do." The injured man replies, "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring them?" the doctor asks. The injured man responds, "Doc, I couldn't pick them up." ---------- __ .-'||'-. .' || '. / __||__ \ | /`- -`\ | | | 6 6 | | \/\____7___/\/ .--------:\:I:II:I:/;--------. / \`:I::I:`/ \ | `------' | | \____/ | | , __ ___ , | |======| / | / _ \ |======| |======| ^| | | | | | |======| |~~~~~| | | | |_| | |~~~~~| | |\ [___] \___/ /| | \ \| |/ / `\ \ _ _.-=""=-._ _ / /' `\ '`_)\\-++++-//(_`' /' jgs ; (__|| ||__) ; ; ___\ /___ ; '. ---/-=..=-\--- .' `""` `""` An American football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right. Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!" ------- The President is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agent supervisor takes him aside and asks, What in the world made you shout 'Mickey Mouse'? Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, duck! ---------- Martin was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the job center he was offered work at the local Zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper aware of his reputation told him to take care of the tortoise section. Later, the keeper dropped by to see how Martin was getting on and found him standing by an empty enclosure. "Where are the tortoises?" he asked him. "I can't believe it" said Martin "I just opened the door and then.....Whooooosh!" ---------- The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang. "You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably. "All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!" ---------- Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him. "Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid good money, and this room won't do at all! It's too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there's not even a bed!" The bellhop looks at her and says, "Ma'am, this isn't your room, it's the elevator." ---------- I just NEED to vent...I have had enough!!! I'll never help anyone again...EVER!!! I'm too kindhearted, or just stupid! The other day it was so cold out that I took a man into my home out of the kindness of my heart. I felt so sorry for him. Poor thing looked about froze out there in the cold. Couldn't even talk or move. But the next morning he had just vanished. Not a word...no goodbye or even a thank you for sheltering him! The last straw was when I realized he had peed all over the living room floor! That's the thanks I get for being good to people??? I want to warn my friends to watch out for this man! He is heavy set, wearing nothing but a hat and scarf, he has a nose that looks like a carrot, two black eyes, and his arms are so skinny they look like sticks! Don't bring him into your house!! He will make a huge mess on the floor and then disappear! ---- ...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: .-._ J L-"""-,,__.-"-.-=a. ,:--"---=. ) P'- ` ,`88P' `.| .' L .- `.a8 `8: -=a)\__: L -- .:` `"a ,`b.`J .___..=-. ,-, | - .`. >, .a( ( Y:`:"` `ba--. ,:' | \_ .:. (8' -'' `) _J d`,:d( `Y ` `ada._ J )8\._ 8 .:. "=. )8: /`. `b`'`":. ` ":._.-|L :"P=``- `a `:. ``,aP:J L `: ` `` . ` `<8 J) ( `a. `- ,8"aP| .':. `. ` _ :( L , `a...::-8aP"dJ:. :. ` . ` _ ,' `P J.a=. ``, `"88:::.(``"::.` `8. . `-. / >-. \::.aa.`.'-. `":(.`, ,L:.` . `8. \ ` `:. Y( ( \ \(` `":.',.', ,`--. .:|:.`. `=._Y=\ ` ):a) .b \: `:. '..` ,,_.::::da`J `"-:.-.-' `. . -.a8 |`) . ` _.---':: )`..``':'"="'.a\ `-. : L \):--' `-'--.:.`.'.` :P' ) a:f `-. a) /.:=.J ```""""-"' `-' `' >Protect Your Pillows The bad news: your pillows are teaming with everything from bacteria to dead skin to dust mites. The good news: keeping them clean isn't that hard. In addition to washing your pillow cases once a week and washing the pillows themselves on a monthly basis, buying antimicrobial zippered pillow protectors can help keep your bed free of any unwanted microscopic guests. >Outsmart the #1 Travel Pain When you know you'll be seated for four hours or more, grab a pair of compression knee socks or calf sleeves. A study concluded that the compress in compression socks keeps blood in circulation - and that cuts the risk of DVT by 63%. >Houseplants like a peace lily, bamboo palm, or a chrysanthemum are such efficient air purifiers, NASA recommends them to help clean the air in your home. Yet the plants themselves can get dusty, which blocks their filtering powers. Apply a little bit of mineral oil to their leaves using a paper towel. The oil creates a shield on the leaves, so they can still filter the air, but the dust won't settle on them! >Clean your oven with a citrus steam Fill an oven-safe tray with water and the juice of one lemon, along with both halves of the lemon. Then place on the middle rack, with the oven set at 450 degrees, and let the water boil for 30 minutes. The steam will loosen grease, making it simple to wipe down, while the lemons make it smell fresh! >Knock out dirt at the door Did you know that 60% of the dust in our homes are from the dirt we track in with our shoes? Luckily, just tapping your shoes together three times on your doormat before you enter will eliminate 40% of the dirt you track in. >Nix Mold and Mildew Let's call this the 'MILDEW PREVENTION SPRAY'! Steep 2 orange rinds in 1 quart of vinegar for 3 hours. Discard the rinds, and add 2 tbs. of rubbing alcohol. Pour into spray bottle once it's cooled, and spritz shower daily. Spa Boost: Add 10 - 15 drops of lemon essential oil. The antiseptic doubles as an energy booster. >Get Glass Sparkling With A Quick-Dry Spray Say 'bye bye'to streaky mirrors... What you need 2 c. water 2 tbs. vinegar 2 tbs. rubbing alcohol 1 spray bottle Mix ingredients above together in a spray bottle. Spritz on glass and wipe. The fast-drying formula won't leave any residue behine. Spa boost: Add 4-5 drops of peppermint essential oil. It helps disinfect surfaces, plus the scent improves memory and concentration. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: * Go paperless If you want to go a step further you can choose to go paperless! You can receive all your bills and letters from banks, energy companies, and other service providers by email. And remember: don't print off documents unless it's absolutely vital. You can also help the process by recycling any paper and card you no longer need. * Line dry If you have a clothes dryer, there's a good chance it uses more energy than anything else in your home. Grab a clothes rack, set up a clothes line outside, or just hang wet laundry on clothes hangers around the house. Hang 'em high and they'll be dry in a day or two without spiking the electricity bill. * Erase grimy grout with a salt scrub Here's the perfect recipe for cleaning your tiles the natural way. 1 c. table salt 2 tbs. liquid dish soap 1/2 c. baking soda Mix the three together. Then use a sponge to gently scrub the tiles and grout. Want a spa boost? Mix a few drops of patchouli essential oil to the recipe. Not only does patchouli break up dirt, it also eases inflammation - one reason it's been shown to alleviate joint pain! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Justice With Judge Jeanine 5/11/19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jB31_rqDPs Rush Limbaugh sounds off on Mueller probe, 2020 Dems https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ierZf99HL1M Democrats Serve Subpeona To Trump Cabinet Member https://tinyurl.com/y2q9uvrc BREAKING: Trump Names New Major US Ally https://tinyurl.com/y5c29dgg President Trump Has This To Say to Hillary and Pelosi https://1600daily.com/2019/05/07/president-trump-say-hillary-pelosi/ Westwing News: "For far too long China has repeatedly threatened U.S. economic and national security interests." https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Chargers, Supplements, Chest of Drawers http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text -<>- >From BizarreNews: Ah, the stresses of air travel; waiting in lines, invasive security checks, cramped seats, it's enough to make a person take ten or twelve drinks. At least that was the excuse of a woman who went berserk on a recent flight out of Russia and had to be restrained hand-and-foot by the cabin crew. Half naked. The woman was half naked, not the cabin crew. Crew members said the woman was out of control after drinking too much in the duty free bar at Moscow before boarding the flight to Turkey, and they had to restrain her shortly after take off. The woman was violent and abusive and her behaviour was frightening other passengers, they said. They tied her legs together and her hands behind her back, before sitting her on the floor of the plane, topless except for her black bra, away from other passengers. It is not reported why she was only partially dressed. Video shot by another passenger shows her trying to hit her head on the wall of the plane and screaming, in Russian, "You see what is going on? Look at me. Look at my blood. Those are beasts, those are liars, they are trying to trick you." The woman claimed she could see invisible people who she said were trying to kill her. [That definitely sounds like vodka taling, to me.] Russian media reports that the woman was released on arrival at Antalya Airport in Turkey. Turkish police reportedly said they had no interest in charging the woman and let her go free. -<>- You Are What You Eat - There's free speech, and then there is common decency. A Florida man crossed the line with a window sticker on his pickup truck that got at least one sheriff's deputy ruffled. Dillon Shane Webb, 23, was arrested in Lake City after a Columbia County sheriff's deputy saw the message on the rear window of the vehicle. When the officer pulled Webb over, he claimed the sticker violated a Florida statute dealing with the possession and distribution of obscene material. Webb disagreed, saying the message was "just words." But when the deputy asked Webb to remove the sticker that read "I eat a&^", the suspect refused, citing his First Amendment rights, according to the report. That prompted the deputy to ask Webb how "a parent of a small child would explain the meaning of the words," to which Webb replied that it would be "up to the parent." Webb was then charged with resisting and taken to jail, only to be released several hours later on $2,500 bond, according to The Associated Press. The truck was towed, but Webb said the sticker was still in place when he retrieved the vehicle from the impound lot. "I guess this cop just didn't find it funny, and he just thought he has to put me in jail," Webb said. Webb now plans to file a wrongful arrest lawsuit against the sheriff's office. *--- It Only Took 24 Years ---* A Maryland woman who claimed a $101,600 lottery jackpot said she used her lucky numbers, which came to her in a dream. The 64-year-old Baltimore woman told Maryland Lottery officials she started using combinations of the numbers 4-8-11-21-27 to play the lottery about 24 years ago after she dreamed that a man came to her and gave her the lucky digits. The lottery player purchased a ticket bearing those numbers for the May 2 Bonus Match 5 drawing, and she later bought a second identical ticket after forgetting she already had one for the drawing. Each combination of the numbers earned her a $50,000 prize, and partial matches for other tickets she purchased brought her total to $101,600. *--- Child Finds Meth Worth $40k in Lego Box ---* Authorities in Georgia said a child opened a Lego box purchased from a consignment store and found $40,000 worth of meth instead of plastic bricks. The Bullock County Sheriff's Office said three women told investigators they purchased the box, which was labeled as containing Lego toys, at a consignment shop in Charleston, S.C., and brought it back to Statesboro, where they gave it to a young child. Sheriff's Investigator Jim Riggs said the child opened the box and discovered a large bag of methamphetamine, which police estimated to be about $40,000 worth of the drug. The sheriff's office said they believe the meth had been hidden inside the box by drug distributors and mailed to an empty or abandoned address. Investigators said postal workers will sometimes not to deliver to addresses dubbed vacant, and the unclaimed packages will later be auctioned off. They said that was likely how the box ended up for sale at a consignment shop. *--- No One Can Hold a Candle to This Guy ---* An Idaho man broke his 100th Guinness World Record when he fit 100 lit candles in his mouth at one time. David Rush, whose previous records include the most corn kernels eaten using a toothpick in three minutes, crammed the candles into his mouth at the TEDxBoise event. A video of the attempt shows Rush, who uses his world record attempts to promote STEM education, placing the candles in his mouth before they are ignited by a member of his support team. Rush holds the candles in his mouth for a full 30 seconds. The previous record was 41 candles and was set in 2018 by Dinesh Shivnath Upadhyaya of Mumbai, India. * Is That a Gator In Your Pants, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me? When a Florida deputy asked a woman if she had anything else on her during a routine traffic stop, he wasn't expecting what she did next. She "proceeded to pull an alligator out of her yoga pants (about one foot in length) and placed it into the bed of the truck," the Charlotte County Sheriff's deputy said in an incident report. The driver, Michael Clemons, 22, told deputies he and his passenger, Ariel Machan-Le Quire, 25, were trying to collect frogs and snakes from under an overpass. The deputy then asked permission to search the bags in the truck to make sure "they did not collect any wildlife they were not supposed to have," the deputy wrote in the report. "Ariel opened the backpack that was on the passenger's floorboard that revealed 41 small turtles," the deputy wrote in the report. Then she pulled the alligator from her pants. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ,,,, / ' /.. / ( c D \- '\_ `-'\)\ |_ \ |U \\ (__,// |. \/ LL__I ||| ||| ,,-``'\ jv >Mom's Getting Serious Slob: I think my mom's getting serious about straightening up my room once and for all. Bob: How do you know? Slob: She's learning to drive a bulldozer. -<>- >Yo Momma... Yo momma's so stupid, she put a quarter in each ear and thought she was listening to 50 Cent. Yo momma is so stupid she brought a spoon to the super bowl. Yo mamma is so ugly when she took a bath the water jumped out. Yo momma is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team. Yo mamma is so ugly, she scared the sh&^ out of the toilet. Yo momma is so fat she sat on the rainbow and Skittles came out. Yo Momma's teeth are so yellow, that when she smiles, traffic slows down! Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car. Yo momma is so stupid she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed. Yo mama is so dumb she tried to make an appointment with Dr. Pepper. -<>- >Did You See That? Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?" "No," the second guy says. "Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says. "Oh," says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?" "See what?" the second guy asks. "Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there." "Oh." A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?" By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!" And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?" -<>- >My Mistake A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake." -<>- ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >Q and A Quickies Q: How Do Crazy People Get Through The Forest? A: They Take The Psycho Path. Q: Why did the farmer name his horse Radish? A: He wanted to spice things up! Q: How do you start a book about ducks? A: With an introducktion. Q: What kind of flowers are best for Mother's Day? A: Mums. Q: What did the banana's mommy get on Mother's Day? A: Slippers. Q: Where did the spider learn how to make a Mother's Day gift? A: On the web. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _|\ _/|_, ,((\\``-\\\\_ ,(()) `))\ ,(())) ,_ \ ((())' | \ ))))) >.__ \ (((' / `-. .c| hjw / `-`' Little Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for his birthday. "A baby brother," he said. Later that year, his mother came home from the hospital with a baby boy. Little Johnny was delighted. "And what would you like this year for your birthday?" his father asked. He said, "If it isn't too uncomfortable for mommy, I'd like a pony." -<>- "Jim, why don't you play golf with Steve anymore?" asked a friend. "Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with his foot when you weren't watching?" Jim asked. "Well, no, I suppose not," admitted the friend. "Neither will Steve," replied Jim. -<>- Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park them- selves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday, lads?" "Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, hire a car, and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful Country... the history, the beer, the culture..." "Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh, Jim? And we can't stand the English; they're so arrogant and rude, not civil and polite like us Canadians." "So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive." -<>- [Here is a classic that I haven't heard in a month of Sundays (as the saying goes). But the great thing about old jokes is that eventually they become new all over again.] Two grave diggers are working in a cemetery in Vienna one night, when they hear scuffling coming from one of the graves. At first they are terrified, but morbid curiosity gets the better of them and they unearth the grave. They hear some hushed rubbing and scraping sounds coming from inside the coffin. Hands shaking, they pull off the lid. Inside; they find Beethoven's skeleton, furiously erasing notes off of old scores. "Wha-," one of the grave diggers is petrified, "What are you doing, Herr Beethoven?" The ghoulish composer looks up with empty eyes sockets, and says, "What does it look like? I'm decomposing!" -<>- >Success... At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is having friends. At age 16 success is having a drivers license. At age 20 success is having sex. At age 35 success is having money. At age 50 success is having money. At age 60 success is having sex. At age 70 success is having a drivers license. At age 75 success is having friends. At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants. It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not. -<>- ___________________________ || || || ||\ || || || || \|| || || || \| || || || \ ||_________ ||_ _|| \ \ | ______o | _/| | | | _______ | _ | | | |/_\| |//| || |_______ _______ | /_\| | | ||#|\ |/ | || | ~~~ | | | | |#|| |______| ||_| \ | |\ ||__ |___ _ | | | /|_||_~________| \ | / / / \ |__ |#|-| |_ ___| / \______/ \|/ /| | | |_ |##__| | |_|## | /__________________________/|| | | | ||____| |_______| ||/oooooooo oo oo| /| / \/\ | | |_|| \/ooooooooo_oo_oo|/_U/ \ \ \____/ |__| /____________________________\ \__||__ | \/ \ | / |__| _| /___| O) \______/ m1a // \\ // \\ O) O >The Down Side of Cubicles: * Being told to "Think outside the box" when I'm in the box all day. * Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me. * Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gunfire. * That nagging feeling that if I press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese. * Lack of rafters for the noose. * My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right. * Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra without comment. * Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off. * 23 power cords, 1 outlet. * Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds. * When tours come thru, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me. * Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out. ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: From Shara: Our whole lives, in the U.S. anyway, we have heard of lawyers having to take the bar test. Pass the bar exam. I always wondered what the deal is. Why is it called bar? In case you don't know, either, here it is, from a novel I'm reading: "Pass the bar" --we are allowed, by virtue of that test, to work in the front of the courtroom, past the bar separating the courtroom into players and observers. -<>- >Quotes: No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing; but most of the time, we aren't either. --Marvin Minsky One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse. --Jack Handey There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer. --J.H.Goldfuss They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction. --Janet Reno Wow! They've got the Internet on computers now! --Homer Simpson -<>- _ ,:'/ _..._ // ( `""-.._.' \| / 6\___ | 6 4 | / \_ .--' (_'---'`) / `'---`() ,' | , .'` | )\ _.-' ; / | .'` _ / /` / .' '. , | / / / \ ; | | | \ | | .| | | \ `"| /.-' | | | '-..-\ _.;.._ | |.;-. \ <`.._ )) | .;-. )) (__. ` ))-' \_ ))' `'--"` jgs `"""` >NOTICE TO PEOPLE WHO VISIT MY HOME 1. The dog lives here. You don't. 2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. Yes, he has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What's your point? 4. OF COURSE he smells like a dog. 5. It's his nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff his. 6. I like him a lot better than I like most people. 7. To you he is a dog. To me he is an adopted child who is hairy, walks on all fours and does not speak clearly. I have no problem with any of these things. 8. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell the pups. 9. The same applies for the cats, except they will ignore you... until you're asleep. -<>- . . /// ____J) (//<_ -__ \ Y .--' \ ` / / ` / ' |\ __ ' /. (` `) `-. ( `. / o2 _ \ a8. \ `-.--. `- / 888 \_. ) `._.' 88P' +_.)_ . 88a. 8a 888( .a88 *_.' `==) 888888a `8ba.ad8888888888P `...-' ' 888888888 Y888P88888 ) ./ 88888888888 a88888 ( ( 88P 88888 88) 888888 *_.' \ P 888888 8P 88Y'888 .- ) ` \ 888888 a88" 88 (_.-' ) ) ) 888888 888' Y88 .-"" `. .-'.' . a88 `88a Y8b. `88 ' ) .-' 8P8 `88a aa8888 888. \ ' _._.--"" ` 888P Y8P `. `. `-. ` " `. ` `._) `. `. '( ) a:f___________________ `.--)`|_\ ___________________________ __//_ \ (:___/ #_\ >THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run - anywhere. 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. 9. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 12. You no longer think of speed limit's as a challenge. 13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 14. You sing along with elevator music. 15. Your eyes won't get much worse. 16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 20. You can't remember who sent you this list. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit A Little Froggy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frogart.html Extreme Camping! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html Bibi's Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescue.html USS New York LPD-21 Tribute! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html Military WWII Posters! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/militarywwii.html Building Advertising Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html Here's Your Frog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frog.html Typewriter Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart.html Attitude Is Everything http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude.html Keukenhof Gardens http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kgardens.html Pandas After The Earthquake http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandae.html Shangy's Dance Page! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sdp.html Amazing Cop Cars 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Weird Rainy Days! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday.html Detroit Steel! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitsteel.html Ricochet The Surf Dog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html Let's Dance! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html Wall Mural Art 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.html Bear Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue.html Moms And Dads Index https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- The Hunger Site - Click to Give for free https://tinyurl.com/yxpkogh3 Fun and Games | Funny Compilation | Mr Bean Official https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uKOHJLs-mo Charlie Chaplin na Cadeia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSSjliHrttQ WORLD'S FUNNIEST KITTENS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD_L4FLFj2Y The Funniest “I Woke Up To This” Moments https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iA5_CFATEK8 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) This week's amazing compilation from People Are Awesome featuring ordinary people doing extraordinary things. https://youtu.be/iu3praUK0cQ --- ...Wow! These people are great! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A third-grade class in New Jersey recently found a boa constrictor in the back of their classroom. Even scarier, they DIDN'T find Billy." -Seth Meyers "Taco Bell just announced that it will be adding beer to the menu at certain restaurants in Canada. It's the first time that going to Taco Bell will lead to getting drunk and not the other way around." -James Corden "As part of a limited campaign, McDonald's is offering forks made from French fries. Not to be outdone, Long John Silver's began offering seafood made from fish." -Conan O'Brien "American Airlines recently announced that they plan on cutting leg room in economy class, while United Airlines announced they'll be cutting legs. 'We are coming down with the beverage cart! Get your legs out of the aisle!'" -Seth Meyers "Apple has announced that it'll be removing the handgun emoji from its smartphones and replacing it with an emoji of a squirt gun. In case you weren't paying attention, there are now more restrictions on gun emojis in the United States than on actual guns." -James Corden "A man in Oregon walked away with minor injuries after he fell asleep in a dumpster and ended up in a trash compacter. It raises a lot of questions, and the answer to all of them is tequila." -Jimmy Fallon "Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. The survey says the least popular passengers are backseat drivers. I would have said carjackers." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new survey found that 46 percent of doctors have used Google or Yahoo to diagnose their patients' symptoms. Yeah, last time I got sick, my doctor was like, 'I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have 'Server Not Responding.'" -Jimmy Fallon "I've been trying to say 'I love you' more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable." -Stephen Colbert >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************