The Frogs Have It... :) Shangy!
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================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press:
Our first too hot to handle new page is from our friends LouiseAu,
Linda and Johanna. So adorable, it will give you plenty of awws
for your day! Be sure to check this one out here:
) _. mmeeoowwrr!
(___)''
/ ,_,/
/'"\ )\
itz
Animal Moms 6
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms6.html
---
...So sweet! Thanks Ladies!
Our next too hot to handle new page is from our friends Linda
and LouiseAu. Here is one with my own favorite flower. Check it
out and the wonderful inspirational video here too...
_.--.
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Beautiful Roses
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roses.html
---
...Most Gorgeous! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
*
_| __
(__ Question _)
|
*
jgs
>Things to ponder
Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle
of your body?
Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do
is offer guidance?
If you tell someone they are being judgemental aren't you being
judgemental yourself?
Why do they call it a 'running back' when he is running forward?
Why does everyone speak different languages and have different
accents if we all originally came from the same place?
Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but
have to get it off our chests?
If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?
Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?
Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says,
"it went downhill from there," how could they both be having
troubles?
If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock
not hard?
If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those
days?
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
May 13 is Frog Jumping Day and Leprechaun Day
May 14 is Dance Like a Chicken Day
May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day and Police Officer's Memorial
Day
May 16 is Love a Tree Day, National Sea Monkey Day and Wear Purple
for Peace Day
May 17 is National Bike to Work Day and Pack Rat Day
May 18 is Armed Forces Day, International Museum Day, No Dirty
Dishes Day and Visit Your Relatives Day
May 19 is Boy's Club Day and World Plant a Vegetable Garden Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
>Seaside Hotel
A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location.
"It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told.
"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.
Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
-<>-
>Need a Raise!
The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office
and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the
college president, "you already make more than the entire History
department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the
coach blustered. "Look." He went out into the hall and grabbed a
jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and
see if I'm there," he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock
returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he
reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the president, scratching his
head. "I would have phoned."
-<>-
>Flat Tire
A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the
wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the hubcap containing
the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer drain.
A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the man take one
bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold the fourth wheel in
place until he could get to a service station.
The motorist thanked him profusely and said, "I don't know why you
are in that place."
The patient said, "I'm in here for being crazy, not for being stupid."
-<>-
>Window Seats
At the airport check-in counter I overheard a woman ask for window
seats for both she and her husband.
The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them for sitting together.
"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality
time in a compact rental car with this man. I *know* what I'm requesting!"
-<>-
>A Useful Tip
In promulgating your esoteric cogitation or articulating your
superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or
psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity.
Let your conversational communications possess a compacted
conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency,
and a concatenated consistency.
Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity,
jejune babblement, and asinine affectations.
Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiation
have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or
thrasonical bombast.
Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy,
and vain vapid verbosity.
In short: "Be brief and don't use big words."
=========================================================
.-----.
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(_________.-====' / .' /\_)`--..__________..-- `====-. _________)
(.'(.'
>-->On The Froggy Side...
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: Because they eat whatever bugs them.
Q: What do frogs do with paper?
A: Rip-it.
/ \
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Q: Why are frogs so good at basketball?
A: Because they always make jump shots.
Q: Why didn’t the frog park on the side of the road?
A: He was afraid of getting toad.
_ _
__ ___.--'_`. .'_`--.___ __
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` ' VK
Q: What did the frog say as he looked through the books at the
library?
A: Reddit! Reddit! Reddit!
Q: What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
A: Lily.
Q: What’s a frog’s favorite game?
A: Croak-et.
_ _
(.)_(.)
_ ( _ ) _
/ \/`-----'\/ \
__\ ( ( ) ) /__
) /\ \._./ /\ (
jgs )_/ /|\ /|\ \_(
Q: What do frogs drink?
A: Croak-a-cola.
Q: What’s a frog’s favorite candy?
A: Lollihops.
Q: What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
A: Open toad sandals.
.-.
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s-v
Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A: A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
.-.
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>SMILES
A few women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject
turned to their husbands. One lady said, "My husband just won't
go to church with me, I think he's going to go to Hell."
This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that,
for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up
in Hell.
So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One
woman said, "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."
Another one said "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it unless
I mend my ways, I better start soon."
At this point they noticed that one of the ladies (the only single
women in the group, and a blonde, mind you) wasn't saying anything.
They turned to her and said, "You're such a nice lady, surely
you'll be going to Heaven?"
She says, "No way! In fact, first thing in the morning, I'm going
to buy me a ticket straight to Hell!"
They were shocked and asked, "Why??"
"Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do
you??!?"
----------
Driving my friend Bill and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed
a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer.
Bill's girlfriend glanced up at it and said, "I suppose if I drank
a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her."
"No," Bill corrected, "If I drank a six-pack, of that brand, you'd
look like her."
----------
Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of
Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation.
"Father!" she cried, "Just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest
led the sister to a chair, and said, "Now just calm down and tell
me what has you so excited."
"Well, Father," the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall
to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!"
"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest..
"But that's not what has me so excited, Father." Replied the nun,
"It was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest
to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!"
The priest exclaimed, "What a very serious infraction! What did
you do?" The nun replied, "Well, I hit the ceiling, Father."
The Priest replied, "And how much did you win?"
---------
A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his
fingers. At the emergency room, his doctor says, "Give me the
fingers, and I'll see what I can do." The injured man replies, "But
I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring them?" the doctor
asks. The injured man responds, "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
----------
__
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jgs ; (__|| ||__) ;
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An American football coach walked into the locker room before a
game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed
to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get
it right, you can play." The player agreed, so coach looked into
his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell
me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it
right. Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming,
"Come on coach, give him another chance!"
-------
The President is walking out of the White House and heading toward his
limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret
service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the
would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agent
supervisor takes him aside and asks, What in the world made you shout
'Mickey Mouse'? Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant
to shout...... Donald, duck!
----------
Martin was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job.
After a visit to the job center he was offered work at the local Zoo.
When he arrived for his first day, the keeper aware of his reputation
told him to take care of the tortoise section.
Later, the keeper dropped by to see how Martin was getting on and
found him standing by an empty enclosure.
"Where are the tortoises?" he asked him.
"I can't believe it" said Martin "I just opened the door and
then.....Whooooosh!"
----------
The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored
the telephone when it rang.
"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.
"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of
ten, it's for you!"
----------
Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the
hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and
as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him.
"Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that
don't mean I'm stupid! I paid good money, and this room won't do
at all! It's too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there's
not even a bed!"
The bellhop looks at her and says, "Ma'am, this isn't your room,
it's the elevator."
----------
I just NEED to vent...I have had enough!!! I'll never help anyone
again...EVER!!! I'm too kindhearted, or just stupid!
The other day it was so cold out that I took a man into my home out
of the kindness of my heart. I felt so sorry for him. Poor thing
looked about froze out there in the cold. Couldn't even talk or
move. But the next morning he had just vanished. Not a word...no
goodbye or even a thank you for sheltering him! The last straw was
when I realized he had peed all over the living room floor! That's
the thanks I get for being good to people???
I want to warn my friends to watch out for this man! He is heavy
set, wearing nothing but a hat and scarf, he has a nose that looks
like a carrot, two black eyes, and his arms are so skinny they look
like sticks! Don't bring him into your house!! He will make a huge
mess on the floor and then disappear!
----
...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
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>Protect Your Pillows
The bad news: your pillows are teaming with everything from
bacteria to dead skin to dust mites.
The good news: keeping them clean isn't that hard. In addition
to washing your pillow cases once a week and washing the pillows
themselves on a monthly basis, buying antimicrobial zippered
pillow protectors can help keep your bed free of any unwanted
microscopic guests.
>Outsmart the #1 Travel Pain
When you know you'll be seated for four hours or more, grab
a pair of compression knee socks or calf sleeves.
A study concluded that the compress in compression socks
keeps blood in circulation - and that cuts the risk of
DVT by 63%.
>Houseplants like a peace lily, bamboo palm, or a chrysanthemum
are such efficient air purifiers, NASA recommends them to help
clean the air in your home.
Yet the plants themselves can get dusty, which blocks their
filtering powers. Apply a little bit of mineral oil to their
leaves using a paper towel. The oil creates a shield on the
leaves, so they can still filter the air, but the dust
won't settle on them!
>Clean your oven with a citrus steam
Fill an oven-safe tray with water and the juice of one lemon,
along with both halves of the lemon. Then place on the middle
rack, with the oven set at 450 degrees, and let the water
boil for 30 minutes.
The steam will loosen grease, making it simple to wipe down,
while the lemons make it smell fresh!
>Knock out dirt at the door
Did you know that 60% of the dust in our homes are from the
dirt we track in with our shoes?
Luckily, just tapping your shoes together three times on
your doormat before you enter will eliminate 40% of the
dirt you track in.
>Nix Mold and Mildew
Let's call this the 'MILDEW PREVENTION SPRAY'!
Steep 2 orange rinds in 1 quart of vinegar for 3 hours. Discard
the rinds, and add 2 tbs. of rubbing alcohol.
Pour into spray bottle once it's cooled, and spritz shower
daily.
Spa Boost: Add 10 - 15 drops of lemon essential oil. The
antiseptic doubles as an energy booster.
>Get Glass Sparkling With A Quick-Dry Spray
Say 'bye bye'to streaky mirrors...
What you need
2 c. water
2 tbs. vinegar
2 tbs. rubbing alcohol
1 spray bottle
Mix ingredients above together in a spray bottle.
Spritz on glass and wipe. The fast-drying formula won't leave
any residue behine.
Spa boost: Add 4-5 drops of peppermint essential oil. It helps
disinfect surfaces, plus the scent improves memory and
concentration.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hints:
* Go paperless
If you want to go a step further you can choose to go
paperless! You can receive all your bills and letters
from banks, energy companies, and other service providers
by email. And remember: don't print off documents unless
it's absolutely vital. You can also help the process by
recycling any paper and card you no longer need.
* Line dry
If you have a clothes dryer, there's a good chance it uses more
energy than anything else in your home. Grab a clothes rack,
set up a clothes line outside, or just hang wet laundry on
clothes hangers around the house. Hang 'em high and they'll
be dry in a day or two without spiking the electricity bill.
* Erase grimy grout with a salt scrub
Here's the perfect recipe for cleaning your tiles the natural
way.
1 c. table salt
2 tbs. liquid dish soap
1/2 c. baking soda
Mix the three together. Then use a sponge to gently scrub
the tiles and grout.
Want a spa boost? Mix a few drops of patchouli essential oil
to the recipe. Not only does patchouli break up dirt, it also
eases inflammation - one reason it's been shown to alleviate joint
pain!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Justice With Judge Jeanine 5/11/19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jB31_rqDPs
Rush Limbaugh sounds off on Mueller probe, 2020 Dems
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ierZf99HL1M
Democrats Serve Subpeona To Trump Cabinet Member
https://tinyurl.com/y2q9uvrc
BREAKING: Trump Names New Major US Ally
https://tinyurl.com/y5c29dgg
President Trump Has This To Say to Hillary and Pelosi
https://1600daily.com/2019/05/07/president-trump-say-hillary-pelosi/
Westwing News: "For far too long China has repeatedly threatened U.S.
economic and national security interests."
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Chargers, Supplements, Chest of Drawers
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Ah, the stresses of air travel; waiting in lines, invasive
security checks, cramped seats, it's enough to make a person
take ten or twelve drinks. At least that was the excuse of a
woman who went berserk on a recent flight out of Russia and
had to be restrained hand-and-foot by the cabin crew. Half
naked. The woman was half naked, not the cabin crew.
Crew members said the woman was out of control after drinking
too much in the duty free bar at Moscow before boarding the
flight to Turkey, and they had to restrain her shortly after
take off. The woman was violent and abusive and her behaviour
was frightening other passengers, they said.
They tied her legs together and her hands behind her back,
before sitting her on the floor of the plane, topless except
for her black bra, away from other passengers. It is not
reported why she was only partially dressed.
Video shot by another passenger shows her trying to hit her
head on the wall of the plane and screaming, in Russian,
"You see what is going on? Look at me. Look at my blood.
Those are beasts, those are liars, they are trying to trick
you." The woman claimed she could see invisible people who
she said were trying to kill her.
[That definitely sounds like vodka taling, to me.]
Russian media reports that the woman was released on arrival
at Antalya Airport in Turkey. Turkish police reportedly said
they had no interest in charging the woman and let her go
free.
-<>-
You Are What You Eat -
There's free speech, and then there is common decency. A
Florida man crossed the line with a window sticker on his
pickup truck that got at least one sheriff's deputy ruffled.
Dillon Shane Webb, 23, was arrested in Lake City after a
Columbia County sheriff's deputy saw the message on the
rear window of the vehicle. When the officer pulled Webb
over, he claimed the sticker violated a Florida statute
dealing with the possession and distribution of obscene
material.
Webb disagreed, saying the message was "just words."
But when the deputy asked Webb to remove the sticker that
read "I eat a&^", the suspect refused, citing his First
Amendment rights, according to the report.
That prompted the deputy to ask Webb how "a parent of a
small child would explain the meaning of the words," to
which Webb replied that it would be "up to the parent."
Webb was then charged with resisting and taken to jail,
only to be released several hours later on $2,500 bond,
according to The Associated Press. The truck was towed,
but Webb said the sticker was still in place when he
retrieved the vehicle from the impound lot.
"I guess this cop just didn't find it funny, and he just
thought he has to put me in jail," Webb said.
Webb now plans to file a wrongful arrest lawsuit against
the sheriff's office.
*--- It Only Took 24 Years ---*
A Maryland woman who claimed a $101,600 lottery jackpot said
she used her lucky numbers, which came to her in a dream.
The 64-year-old Baltimore woman told Maryland Lottery
officials she started using combinations of the numbers
4-8-11-21-27 to play the lottery about 24 years ago after
she dreamed that a man came to her and gave her the lucky
digits. The lottery player purchased a ticket bearing those
numbers for the May 2 Bonus Match 5 drawing, and she later
bought a second identical ticket after forgetting she already
had one for the drawing. Each combination of the numbers
earned her a $50,000 prize, and partial matches for other
tickets she purchased brought her total to $101,600.
*--- Child Finds Meth Worth $40k in Lego Box ---*
Authorities in Georgia said a child opened a Lego box
purchased from a consignment store and found $40,000 worth
of meth instead of plastic bricks. The Bullock County
Sheriff's Office said three women told investigators they
purchased the box, which was labeled as containing Lego
toys, at a consignment shop in Charleston, S.C., and
brought it back to Statesboro, where they gave it to a
young child. Sheriff's Investigator Jim Riggs said the
child opened the box and discovered a large bag of
methamphetamine, which police estimated to be about $40,000
worth of the drug. The sheriff's office said they believe
the meth had been hidden inside the box by drug
distributors and mailed to an empty or abandoned address.
Investigators said postal workers will sometimes not to
deliver to addresses dubbed vacant, and the unclaimed
packages will later be auctioned off. They said that was
likely how the box ended up for sale at a consignment shop.
*--- No One Can Hold a Candle to This Guy ---*
An Idaho man broke his 100th Guinness World Record when he
fit 100 lit candles in his mouth at one time. David Rush,
whose previous records include the most corn kernels eaten
using a toothpick in three minutes, crammed the candles
into his mouth at the TEDxBoise event. A video of the
attempt shows Rush, who uses his world record attempts to
promote STEM education, placing the candles in his mouth
before they are ignited by a member of his support team.
Rush holds the candles in his mouth for a full 30 seconds.
The previous record was 41 candles and was set in 2018 by
Dinesh Shivnath Upadhyaya of Mumbai, India.
* Is That a Gator In Your Pants, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
When a Florida deputy asked a woman if she had anything else
on her during a routine traffic stop, he wasn't expecting
what she did next. She "proceeded to pull an alligator out
of her yoga pants (about one foot in length) and placed it
into the bed of the truck," the Charlotte County Sheriff's
deputy said in an incident report. The driver, Michael
Clemons, 22, told deputies he and his passenger, Ariel
Machan-Le Quire, 25, were trying to collect frogs and snakes
from under an overpass. The deputy then asked permission to
search the bags in the truck to make sure "they did not
collect any wildlife they were not supposed to have," the
deputy wrote in the report. "Ariel opened the backpack that
was on the passenger's floorboard that revealed 41 small
turtles," the deputy wrote in the report. Then she pulled
the alligator from her pants.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
,,,,
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>Mom's Getting Serious
Slob: I think my mom's getting serious about straightening up my
room once and for all.
Bob: How do you know?
Slob: She's learning to drive a bulldozer.
-<>-
>Yo Momma...
Yo momma's so stupid, she put a quarter in each ear and thought
she was listening to 50 Cent.
Yo momma is so stupid she brought a spoon to the super bowl.
Yo mamma is so ugly when she took a bath the water jumped out.
Yo momma is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a
basketball team.
Yo mamma is so ugly, she scared the sh&^ out of the toilet.
Yo momma is so fat she sat on the rainbow and Skittles came out.
Yo Momma's teeth are so yellow, that when she smiles, traffic
slows down!
Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Yo momma is so stupid she put airbags on her computer in case
it crashed.
Yo mama is so dumb she tried to make an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
-<>-
>Did You See That?
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill,
over there."
"Oh."
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes,
I did!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
-<>-
>My Mistake
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal,
even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone
rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never
mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
-<>-
________
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___
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>Q and A Quickies
Q: How Do Crazy People Get Through The Forest?
A: They Take The Psycho Path.
Q: Why did the farmer name his horse Radish?
A: He wanted to spice things up!
Q: How do you start a book about ducks?
A: With an introducktion.
Q: What kind of flowers are best for Mother's Day?
A: Mums.
Q: What did the banana's mommy get on Mother's Day?
A: Slippers.
Q: Where did the spider learn how to make a Mother's Day gift?
A: On the web.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_|\ _/|_,
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Little Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for his
birthday. "A baby brother," he said. Later that year, his
mother came home from the hospital with a baby boy.
Little Johnny was delighted. "And what would you like this
year for your birthday?" his father asked.
He said, "If it isn't too uncomfortable for mommy, I'd like
a pony."
-<>-
"Jim, why don't you play golf with Steve anymore?" asked
a friend.
"Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with
his foot when you weren't watching?" Jim asked.
"Well, no, I suppose not," admitted the friend.
"Neither will Steve," replied Jim.
-<>-
Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park them-
selves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender,
"Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's
Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make
polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on
holiday, lads?"
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England
every year, hire a car, and drive for miles, don't we,
Jim?" Jim agrees.
"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful Country...
the history, the beer, the culture..."
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John.
"Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh, Jim? And we
can't stand the English; they're so arrogant and rude, not
civil and polite like us Canadians."
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.
"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
-<>-
[Here is a classic that I haven't heard in a month of Sundays
(as the saying goes). But the great thing about old jokes is
that eventually they become new all over again.]
Two grave diggers are working in a cemetery in Vienna one
night, when they hear scuffling coming from one of the
graves. At first they are terrified, but morbid curiosity
gets the better of them and they unearth the grave. They
hear some hushed rubbing and scraping sounds coming from
inside the coffin. Hands shaking, they pull off the lid.
Inside; they find Beethoven's skeleton, furiously erasing
notes off of old scores.
"Wha-," one of the grave diggers is petrified, "What are
you doing, Herr Beethoven?"
The ghoulish composer looks up with empty eyes sockets,
and says, "What does it look like? I'm decomposing!"
-<>-
>Success...
At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not.
-<>-
___________________________ ||
|| || ||\ ||
|| || || \||
|| || || \|
|| || || \
||_________ ||_ _|| \
\ | ______o | _/| | | | _______
| _ | | | |/_\| |//| || |_______ _______
| /_\| | | ||#|\ |/ | || | ~~~ | | |
| |#|| |______| ||_| \ | |\ ||__ |___ _ | | |
/|_||_~________| \ | / / / \ |__ |#|-| |_ ___|
/ \______/ \|/ /| | | |_ |##__| | |_|## |
/__________________________/|| | | | ||____| |_______|
||/oooooooo oo oo| /| / \/\ | | |_||
\/ooooooooo_oo_oo|/_U/ \ \ \____/ |__|
/____________________________\ \__||__ |
\/ \ |
/ |__|
_| /___|
O) \______/
m1a // \\
// \\
O) O
>The Down Side of Cubicles:
* Being told to "Think outside the box" when I'm in the
box all day.
* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first
seeing who is behind me.
* Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from
any kind of gunfire.
* That nagging feeling that if I press the right button, I
will get a piece of cheese.
* Lack of rafters for the noose.
* My walls are too close together for my hammock to work
right.
* Women: Damned near impossible to adjust your bra without
comment.
* Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants
off.
* 23 power cords, 1 outlet.
* Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
* When tours come thru, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
* Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
From Shara:
Our whole lives, in the U.S. anyway, we have heard of lawyers having
to take the bar test. Pass the bar exam.
I always wondered what the deal is. Why is it called bar?
In case you don't know, either, here it is, from a novel I'm reading:
"Pass the bar" --we are allowed, by virtue of that test, to work in
the front of the courtroom, past the bar separating the courtroom
into players and observers.
-<>-
>Quotes:
No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what
it's doing; but most of the time, we aren't either.
--Marvin Minsky
One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed
up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.
--Jack Handey
There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer.
--J.H.Goldfuss
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass
destruction.
--Janet Reno
Wow! They've got the Internet on computers now!
--Homer Simpson
-<>-
_
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>NOTICE TO PEOPLE WHO VISIT MY HOME
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. Yes, he has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What's
your point?
4. OF COURSE he smells like a dog.
5. It's his nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to
sniff his.
6. I like him a lot better than I like most people.
7. To you he is a dog. To me he is an adopted child who is hairy,
walks on all fours and does not speak clearly. I have no problem
with any of these things.
8. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money
all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never
drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke
or drink, don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions,
don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
and if they get pregnant you can sell the pups.
9. The same applies for the cats, except they will ignore you...
until you're asleep.
-<>-
. . ///
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a:f___________________ `.--)`|_\ ___________________________
__//_ \
(:___/ #_\
>THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run - anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
12. You no longer think of speed limit's as a challenge.
13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
into the room.
14. You sing along with elevator music.
15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to
pay off.
17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.
18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
20. You can't remember who sent you this list.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit
A Little Froggy!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frogart.html
Extreme Camping!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html
Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html
Bibi's Rescue!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescue.html
USS New York LPD-21 Tribute!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html
Military WWII Posters!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/militarywwii.html
Building Advertising Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html
Here's Your Frog!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frog.html
Typewriter Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart.html
Attitude Is Everything
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude.html
Keukenhof Gardens
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kgardens.html
Pandas After The Earthquake
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandae.html
Shangy's Dance Page!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sdp.html
Amazing Cop Cars 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html
Weird Rainy Days!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday.html
Detroit Steel!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitsteel.html
Ricochet The Surf Dog
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html
Let's Dance!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html
Wall Mural Art 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart3.html
Bear Rescue!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue.html
Moms And Dads Index
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
The Hunger Site - Click to Give for free
https://tinyurl.com/yxpkogh3
Fun and Games | Funny Compilation | Mr Bean Official
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uKOHJLs-mo
Charlie Chaplin na Cadeia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSSjliHrttQ
WORLD'S FUNNIEST KITTENS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD_L4FLFj2Y
The Funniest “I Woke Up To This” Moments
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iA5_CFATEK8
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
This week's amazing compilation from People Are Awesome featuring
ordinary people doing extraordinary things.
https://youtu.be/iu3praUK0cQ
---
...Wow! These people are great! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A third-grade class in New Jersey recently found a boa
constrictor in the back of their classroom. Even scarier,
they DIDN'T find Billy." -Seth Meyers
"Taco Bell just announced that it will be adding beer to
the menu at certain restaurants in Canada. It's the first
time that going to Taco Bell will lead to getting drunk
and not the other way around." -James Corden
"As part of a limited campaign, McDonald's is offering
forks made from French fries. Not to be outdone, Long
John Silver's began offering seafood made from fish."
-Conan O'Brien
"American Airlines recently announced that they plan on
cutting leg room in economy class, while United Airlines
announced they'll be cutting legs. 'We are coming down
with the beverage cart! Get your legs out of the aisle!'"
-Seth Meyers
"Apple has announced that it'll be removing the handgun
emoji from its smartphones and replacing it with an emoji
of a squirt gun. In case you weren't paying attention,
there are now more restrictions on gun emojis in the United
States than on actual guns." -James Corden
"A man in Oregon walked away with minor injuries after he
fell asleep in a dumpster and ended up in a trash
compacter. It raises a lot of questions, and the answer
to all of them is tequila." -Jimmy Fallon
"Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying
drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most
annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. The
survey says the least popular passengers are backseat
drivers. I would have said carjackers." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new survey found that 46 percent of doctors have used
Google or Yahoo to diagnose their patients' symptoms.
Yeah, last time I got sick, my doctor was like, 'I'm sorry
to tell you this, but you have 'Server Not Responding.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"I've been trying to say 'I love you' more often, starting
this morning. I said it to my family before I left the
house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager,
when the barista complained that one of the customers was
making her uncomfortable." -Stephen Colbert
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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