The Grumpy Pharmacist And More... :) Shangy!
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) /\ \._./ /\ (
jgs )_/ /|\ /|\ \_(
*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
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"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
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*~* Our Hearts And Prayers Go Out To The People In The Midwest.
May God watch over, protect and uplift all those Affected by Flooding,
in the name of Jesus Christ our beloved Lord.
-<>-
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This scorching hot new page is from our friends Linda and LouiseAu.
It'll take you to a time 'back when' and perhaps amaze you at how
much time has gone by. Others may be hard pressed to even recognize
these super stars. Be sure to check this one out and videos here too:
/`. /`.
f \ ,f \
Gee Brain, | \/-`\ \ The same thing we do
what do you i. _\';.,X j every night, Pinky.
want to do `:_\ ( \ \',-. Try to take over
tonight? .'"`\ a\eY' ) the world! _,.
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When They Were Young
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities4.html
---
...Such fun walking down memory lane! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
.--. .--.
( (`\\."--``--".//`) )
'-. __ __ .-'
/ /__\ /__\ \
| \ 0/ \ 0/ |
\ `/ \` /
`-. /-"""-\ .-` ._-.
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|| ||
A blonde was filling up application form for a job. He was not
sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: "YES".
-<>-
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising
in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed
in front of the store by 8:30AM, the store's opening time.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed
back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he
was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit and then thrown
to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he complained to the person at the end
of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not
opening the store!"
-<>-
An elementary school teacher decides to poll the class on the difficulty
of last night's homework assignment.
"How many people were able to complete the assignment without parent's
help?" About 25% of the class raises their hands.
"How many people were able to complete the assignment with the help of a
parent?" About 70% of the class raises their hands.
The teacher still notices about 5% of the class did not raise their
hands. She then calls out, "How many people had to help a parent
complete your assignment?"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
March 18 is Goddess of Fertility Day and Supreme Sacrifice Day
March 19 Poultry Day and Tea for Two Tuesday
March 20 is International Earth Day, Extraterrestrial Abductions Day,
Proposal Day, National Agriculture Day and Spring (Vernal) Equinox
March 21 is Absolutely Incredible Kid Day, Credit Card Reduction Day,
Fragrance Day and Purim - begins at sundown, date varies
March 22 is National Goof Off Day
March 23 is Melba Toast Day, National Chip and Dip Day, National Puppy
Day and Near Miss Day
March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
,;;;,
::::: _____
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) ( || |
.-'---'-. ||_|
/ | \ /) /
/_/| | |\/\//|/
\ \| | | \_/-|
\_| | | |
| ' ' | |
|:_|_:| |
Sher^ \ | / |
; | ; |
; | ; |
\|/ |
(_|_) ,/ \,
>Anesthesiology Bill
Margie received a bill from the hospital for her
recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $1900
fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his
office to demand an explanation. "Is this some
kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.
"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.
"Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out."
"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you
out for free. The 1900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
-<>-
>Double Negative
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In
English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive."
"In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is
still a negative," he continued.
"However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
-<>-
>Support Group
I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for
visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as
macular degeneration, which makes it very difficult for them to
distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group
and was introducing myself.
Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I
jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told
that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford."
Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"
-<>-
>Directions
A recent visitor to Washington DC scanned the street up & down, then
finally asked a local, "Can you tell me which side the State Department
is on."
"Ours, I think..." replied the local citizen, "But lately, I'm not all
that sure."
-<>-
>Nail Biting
Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For
one woman, it's biting her fingernails.
One day she told her husband about the latest solution: press-on nails.
"Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box."
-<>-
>Elderly Couple
I noticed an elderly couple in a nearby booth in the restaurant
enjoying each other's company. They looked to be in their high-80's.
I wondered if they'd have to wait for a bus to take them home, while
I, much younger, would enjoy a drive home in my car.
While I was wondering, they got up to leave ... and reached down for
their motorcycle helmets.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
_.----.
.----------------" / / \
( EVEREADY | | |) |
`----------------._\ \ /
"----'
Lester / itz / Nate
>SMILES
The interviewer greets the next applicant for the job of night watchman.
His first question is: "What are your qualifications for the job of
night watchman?"
The applicant replies, "The slightest noise wakes me up."
----------
An old man was enjoying his hundredth birthday party when a reporter
approached him and asked, "Sir, what is the secret of your longevity?"
The old man thought for a moment, then replied, "Well, young man, every
evening at 7PM I have a glass of red wine. They say it's good for the
heart, you know."
"That's it?" asked the reporter.
"That," the old man said, "and cancelling my voyage on the Titanic."
----------
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in
his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens
the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside
and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, 'Lady, if this
vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk
of it.' She turns to him with a smirk and says, 'You want ketchup on
that?' The salesman says, 'Why do you ask?' She says, 'We just moved in
and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet.'
----------
A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer
Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn
and ran inside. Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn
wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he
was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He
walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman
inside said... ''Meow'.' "Just cats," he thought. He then prodded the
second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said...
''Woof'.' "Just dogs," he thought. As he walked towards the last sack,
the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer
prodded his sack he said... ''Potatoes!'?
----------
Two drinkers are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other
one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!' The bar gets quiet as
everyone listens to see what the other drinker will do. The first again
yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!' The other says: 'Go home dad, you're
drunk!'
--------
__________________
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\\\\ [] ||||||||||||||||||| / \
\____/ | | / |
|_____| _|__ __ __ __|_ / "Believe me mister, |
| | ( | (_o)-/~\-(o_) | ) / |
| | (| ( ) |) /\ as God is my witness, |
| | | | / \ |
| |_______| / \ |_________ \ all I did was... |
| | \ _____ / \ \ |
| | \ (_____) / \ \ |
| | \___________/ | \ __________________/
| | | ||||||||||| |
| / / ||||||||| | |
| / ||||||| | |
| / {o | |
\_____/ {o | |
| {o | |
| {o | |
T. Hawkins
>The grumpy pharmacist
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly
this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would
even answer the phone."
Immediately, the husband drove down town to confront the chemist and
demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the chemist told him, "Just
a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go
off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out
to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house
and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys."
"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when
I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."
"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me
to open. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all
the time the darn phone was ringing."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash
register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I
had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone
was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash
drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of
perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke"
"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got
back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a
rectal thermometer."
"Believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her."
---
...LOL! Too Funny! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
,------,
[ -|--|- ]
`------'
unknown
>Keep Razors from Getting Dull
I came across this tip today, so I have not yet tried this
but honestly I'm pretty excited to try it. And I just
had to share it with you.
Does anyone already do this? If so, write in and let me
know!
If your razor gets dull easily, it's probably due to rust
that you can't even see. Keep rust away by storing your
razor blade-down in a glass of olive oil. As a bonus, any
olive oil left on the blades will help moisturize your skin!
-<>-
.-----. _.----"""""""----._
_.---//-"""-\\---._ .------.___ ( )
( (/ `-' ) ( ___|-|`"""---..___..---""|
_|`"--._________.--"'|_ `---'""" | |
(_| |_) | |
`--) (--' ________ | |
| | _.--""""" """"----._ |
| | (_ _)--.----------------.
| | \`""---...________...----'/__/___ ||
`-.__ __.-' \___ __/ ""-----"""""""-----`'
VK `""-----""' ""`-----------'""
>More Popped Popcorn
I'm not a fan of microwave popcorn, I'm 'old school' and
still love making popcorn on the stove top. Am I the only
one?
If you also enjoy the flavor of fresh popped popcorn here's
a tip for you...enjoy ladies and gents!
Tired of all the unpopped kernels at the bottom of your
homemade popcorn? Try soaking the kernels in water for a
few minutes before you make your popcorn! The water
encourages faster popping, so you'll end up with fewer
unpopped kernels after cooking!
-<>-
>Prevent Dirt From Entering Your Home
Are you inviting dirt into your home?
One of the biggest mistakes you might be making is wearing
shoes inside the house. Shoes track in all sorts of dirt and
grime from outside so leave them at the door and enforce a
"no shoes" policy. Not only does this help to prevent the
build-up of dirt, it also helps to protect your floors
from scuffs and scratches.
Don't be shy about asking guests to remove their shoes
when they enter your home. Create a pretty sign and place
it by the front door so visitors can clearly see it.
-<>-
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>Dust Without Spraying
Feather dusters work great for cleaning blinds, pictures,
nooks, and other areas.
Ostrich feather dusters, which start at about $15, because
the feathers tackle the dust and the large quills don't fall
out of the handle.
You'll want a high-quality feather duster that will fit in
your back pocket which works well for routing dusting.
For heavy buildup you will need to vacuum or use a cloth, then
use the duster every other week or so after that.
-<>-
>Always Work from Top to Bottom
When you think about how to spring clean your home, it's
important to start from the ceiling down. This will force
debris downward and keep you from having to re-dust or re-
clean your space. If you have a vacuum with an extension
hose, use it to get cobwebs and dust from your ceilings
and fans first.
Then dust your furniture and other items before vacuuming
all the dust and debris off your floors. It will save you
time.
-<>-
>Natural Cleaning Solutions
Luckily, there are ways to clean such surfaces without
resorting to nasty chemicals. Here are a few natural cleaning
alternatives to try:
Damp cloth: Use a warm, damp cloth to wipe down latex-
painted walls and many other surfaces sensitive to the
extreme heat of steam cleaners.
Baking soda (sodium bicarbonate): Sprinkle baking soda on
carpet or upholstery, let sit several minutes, and then
vacuum up.
Washing soda: A close cousin to baking soda, washing soda
(sodium carbonate) can be used to clean oil spots from
cement garage floors. Sprinkle on the spot along with some
water to make a paste and let sit overnight. Then scrub
with a brush, rinse off and wipe down.
Vinegar: Vinegar is a wonderful natural cleaner. Mix 1/4
cup with 2 cups water, spray on windows and wipe clean.
You can also add a splash of vinegar to a bucket of warm
water and use for mopping most floors. For moldy walls,
spray vinegar on and let sit several minutes before
wiping off.
Castile soap: This natural olive oil-based soap can be
used for a variety of cleaning projects. Mix 1/4 cup
with 2 gallons of warm water for a floor-cleaning
solution, and combine 1 tablespoon of the soap with 1/3
cup baking soda for a natural cleaning scrub for showers,
tubs, tile, and sinks.
Olive oil: For a natural furniture polish, mix 2 cups
of olive oil with 2 tablespoons of lemon juice and rub
on with a soft cloth.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hint: Think Green When You Spring Clean
You want to start spring off on a clean note, so don't
expose yourself to chemicals and toxins. A steam cleaner
is one of the best green products for spring cleaning. It
can be used to clean your microwave, tile, hard floors,
kitchen appliances, bathrooms, and even outdoor areas.
Since steam cleaners only use hot water vapor, they are a
100% natural and chemical-free cleaning solution. But keep
in mind - not everything can be steam cleaned.
If you don't have a steam cleaner, one of the best natural
combinations for cleaning is white distilled vinegar,
baking soda, and water. These ingredients are affordable,
non-toxic, and have worked for ages when it comes to cleaning.
-<>-
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>'Go Green' Hint: Repair that leaky faucet
Drip, drip, drip... it's not just annoying to listen to.
A leaky tap can waste 140 gallons of water a week -that's a
pretty big dent in the utilities bill. People are often
unaware of leaks, so make a note to check all fixtures
(including pipes under sinks) regularly.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hint: Wash produce and save the water
There's no reason we can't wash fruits and vegetables in
a large bowl and save the runoff for watering the garden or
lawn (or those little potted plants).
The same thing can be done after boiling pasta or potatoes -
just make sure the water's not salted!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
A Banner Year: America's Economy Achieves 3 Percent Growth for First
Time in 13 Years
https://www.whitehouse.gov/
Trump Stamps Veto on 'Reckless' Attempt to Stop Wall Construction
-The Washington Times
https://tinyurl.com/yxwr2ggk
Give the Border Patrol a Break -The Washington Times
A new report from the U.S. Border Patrol proves that only the willfully
ignorant can doubt that we’re dealing with an immigration crisis,” Dr.
Ed Feulner writes. “Border Patrol agents apprehended more than 66,000
migrants at the U.S.-Mexican border in February. That’s the highest
total for a single month in almost a decade.” Agent Manuel Padilla says
that the entire system is “overwhelmed.”
https://tinyurl.com/y4epvsbx
Workers at the Lower End of the Pay Scale Finally Are Getting the Most
Benefit From Rising Wages -CNBC
https://tinyurl.com/y2b3sacf
Toyota Ups Investment in US Plants to $13 Billion, Adds 600
Manufacturing Jobs -CNBC
https://tinyurl.com/yyy79yvv
President Trump's Trade Policies Make Great Strides -USA Today
“The U.S. trade deficit for goods hit a record high in 2018, but critics
wrongly blame this on a failure of President Donald Trump’s trade
policies,” White House Director of Trade and Manufacturing Policy Peter
Navarro writes. “Gross domestic product growth of 3 percent in 2018,
coupled with a rapid rise in real wages and the lowest unemployment in
50 years, boosted import demand even as slower growth in markets like
Europe suppressed U.S. exports. The robust Trump economy is one of the
deficit’s biggest drivers.”
https://tinyurl.com/y3wh6jkg
President Trump Offers Sympathy To Terror Victims
https://tinyurl.com/y2j6j3yv
“When it comes to protecting the American people, Trump has made
clear that there can be no compromise.” President Trump Was Right
to Veto Resolution Blocking His National Emergency Declaration
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Product Alert: Beef, Chicken, Muffins
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
What is the most terrifying thing you can think of? Being
buried alive? Falling from a huge height? Getting trapped
in a fire? Attacked by zombies? How about being swallowed
whole? That last one is almost as unlikely as being attacked
by zombies. It was probably the last thing on the mind of a
South African tour operator who was snorkeling in the water
off Port Elizabeth Harbour, but while he was distracted by
filming fish one of the most unlikely things in the world
almost happened to him.
South African Rainer Schimpf was filming a sardine run when
he realize just how small humans are. As he was snorkeling
on the surface of the water a Bryde's whale emerged and
engulfed him headfirst.
"Once you're grabbed by something that's 15 tonnes heavy and
very fast in the water, you realize you're actually only that
small in the middle of the ocean," he said.
Mr. Schimpf said: "I was busy concentrating on the sharks
because you want to know if the shark is in front of you or
behind you, left or right, so we were very focused on the
sharks and their behavior - then suddenly it got dark."
He estimated the whale was up to 15m long and weighed 20
tonnes, saying: "There was not really time for fear at that
moment, just pure instinct."
"Once I felt something had grabbed me on the hip, I knew
instantly it was a whale and my next thought was that,
firstly, he can't swallow me because I'm too big - so that
was kind of an instant relief.
"So my next thought was that the whale may take me down into
the ocean and release me further down, so I instantly held
my breath. Obviously he realized I was not what he wanted to
eat so he spat me out again."
In almost 20 years as a dive tour operator, Mr. Schimpf said
such an experience was unusual because the whales would
usually be spotted by divers before they made a dash for
dinner.
-<>-
The zoo is an exciting place. It might not smell very nice,
but where else can you mingle with and learn about such a
wide diversity of species? Because if a zoo is anything it
is educational. Or else why would we capture and lock up a
bunch of dumb, innocent animals in an environment that's
completely alien to them? It's so you don't have to spend
$2,000 and take 2 weeks out of your life to fly to India
just to see an elephant. But the animals know they're not
supposed to be there and a lot of them are pissed off about
it. Which is why you should avoid doing EXACTLY what this
woman did at a zoo in Arizona.
A woman who has only been identified by the name 'Leanne'
was attacked by a jaguar when she got a little too close
to the predator's cage.
In case just looking at the inky black, 140 pound bundle
of muscle and teeth wasn't enough, the cat's enclosure is
separated from the public by a healthy safety margin and
a waist-high fence. But none of this was a deterrent to
Leanne who "crossed over the barrier" in order to get a
selfie with the animal, according to a statement from the
zoo.
One of the female jaguars latched onto her arm, mangling
it up pretty good before someone distracted the cat with
a plastic water bottle, of all things. Leanne was
transported to a local hospital where she was treated for
non-life threatening injuries.
"I was in the wrong for leaning over the barrier, but I do
think that maybe the zoo should look into moving their
fence back," Leanne was reported saying. "I'm not the
first, and if they don't move the fence I'm probably not
going to be the last," she added.
There was no mention how the photo turned out.
*--- Pistol Packin' Mamma ---*
A Virginia woman who has seen a few too many westerns got
into trouble recently while horse riding. Mariah Smith,
of Arlington, and another woman were riding horses in a
cemetery in Warren County, Virginia when someone told them
to remove the horses from the cemetery property, according
to the sheriff's office. Smith didn't like being told what
to do and fired her pistol. No one was hit, but deputies
were called and detained the women. Authorities say Smith
had a .38 Smith and Wesson on her. She was arrested and
charged with three firearms charges, including possessing
a concealed firearm while under the influence. Bet you
didn't see that last little detail coming, did you?
*--- Nice Work If You Can Get It ---*
If you think government workers are lazy, wait until you
hear this. Thanks to a government-funded conceptual art
project in Gothenburg, Sweden, a person will be hired for
a permanent position to do absolutely nothing. The employee
in question will report to Korsvagen, a train station still
under construction in the city, and will receive a salary
of about $2,320 a month in U.S. dollars, plus annual wage
increases, vacation time off and a pension for retirement.
The job's requirements couldn't be more simple: An employee
shows up each morning and punches the time clock. At the
end of the day, the worker returns to clock out. In between,
they can do whatever they want, aside from work at another
paying job. They're not even obligated to stay at the
station all day long. And their employment is guaranteed
for life. While the artists behind the project won't be
taking applications until the station will be closer to
opening, a draft of the help-wanted ad is already available
online. Oh, and anyone in the world can apply. You'd just
have to live in Sweden.
*--- Ohio Man Goes on Beer-Only Diet for Lent ---*
An Ohio man is taking inspiration from the monks of yester-
year with his unusual Lent fast: Giving up all food and
drinks except for beer. And you thought people hundreds of
years ago were stupid. Del Hall, who works at the Fifty
West brewery in Dayton, said he will not eat or drink any-
thing except beer for all 46 days of Lent. Hall said he
was inspired by monks from the 1600s, who would make a
special bock beer for Lent. "Being master brewers, they
decided they would take a popular style of beer in Germany,
bock beer, make it extra hearty and that would be their
liquid bread and that's what they call it," Hall told local
news. Hall said he is altering the monks' tradition by
including all types of beer in his fast. "I've done big
challenges but this seems very daunting," Hall said. "So
I'm just curious if I'm up to the challenge." Hall is
documenting his beer fast on his YouTube channel, where he
said he is already starting to see weight loss from the
unusual diet.
*--- Vermont Town Elects Goat Mayor ---*
A Vermont town is hailing the election of its unusual new
mayor: A 3-year-old Nubian goat named Lincoln. Town Manager
Joe Gunther said he decided to hold an election for an
animal mayor of Fair Haven, which does not have a human
mayor, as a means of raising money to replace a school
playground. Residents were given the chance to nominate
their pets for the mayoral office in exchange for a $5
donation toward the playground cause. Lincoln bested the
second-place finisher, a dog named Sammie, by only two
votes. Gunther said Lincoln will be sworn into office at
a Select Board meeting Tuesday. He said she will serve a
one-year term with duties including marching in the
Memorial Day parade. He said the election turned into an
educational opportunity for the town's children.
"Originally we did it as a fundraiser to replace the
playground behind the school, but it really turned into
a small civic lesson for the children. 'Come out and vote.
Get involved in the town,'" Gunter told the Burlington Free
Press.
=========================================================
>From TheGroaner:
,-------------------.
( Tried it, loved it! )
munch `-v-----------------'
,---'. --------'
C.^o^| munch
(_,-_)
,--`|-.
|\ ]\__n_
||` '---E/ Ojo98
>Strange Eating Habit
A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange
eating habits. "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast
and car wax. What will happen to her?"
"Eventually," said the Doctor, "she will rise and shine!"
-<>-
>This Is A Disaster
A husband & wife had a human cannonball act in the circus.
One day the wife ran off with the lion tamer. The husband
was extremely dejected.
The strong man asked him what he was going to do.
"This is a disaster," the husband answered, I don't know
where I'm going to find another woman of her caliber."
-<>-
>Doctor, Doctor!
Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?
Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.
-<>-
>How Old Am I?
The teacher noticed that Al had been daydreaming for a long
time. She decided to get his attention.
"Al," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles around and
eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?
"Thirty-four," Al answered unhesitatingly.
The teacher replied "Well, that's not far from my actual age.
Tell me...how did you guess?"
"Oh, there's nothing to it," Al said. "My big sister is
seventeen and she's only half-crazy."
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: Which day is stronger, Sunday or Monday?
A: Sunday. Monday is a weekday.
Q: What does an envelope say when you lick it?
A: Nothing. It just shuts up.
.-.
\\\V/// (o.o)
####### |=|
//6 , 6\\ Y
\ = / |
.-:---:---'B
( / `@` ,--'|
) ) ( <|' '| |
______(____ \ \__.__/ |
(___________) `/<<<<<\ |
/ \ (>>>>>>>) |
/ \ `"|"|"|"` |
| | |_| | |
____\ /____ _(_| |_ |
()____'.__ __.'____()(___|___) |
jgs .'` .'```'. `-.
().'` `'.()
Q: What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
A: The cold shoulder.
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.
Q: What rock group has four men who don't sing?
A: Mount Rushmore.
Q: Why didn't the oyster share the profits from his pearl?
A: He was shellfish.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.======================================.
| ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ |
| \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| |
| _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| |
'===================================== ,sSSSs
DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "(
.:. SSS@ =/ \~/
C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_
___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.-
[____________________________________] \ /\//
| ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/
| (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ;
| | | | | | | | | | |____|
| | | | | | | | | | \ |\
| | | | | | | | | | ) ) )
| |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/
| I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ |
jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\
Y\_\
Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for
everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems
you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?"
Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by
the city to go around and remove all the money from parking
meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour
the round.
Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and
says, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over
having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be
when you get your paycheck!"
Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his
face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket,
and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"
-<>-
As one of relatively few female airline pilots, I've often
been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent or even
a snack-bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in
uniform and ask if I'm a "real" pilot. Still others
congratulate me for making it in a male-dominated field.
One day, I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the
sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door
and looked over at me. "My sister would be so proud of you!"
she remarked.
"Oh, is your sister an airline pilot too?" I asked.
With a confused expression the woman said, "No. She's a
dentist."
-<>-
A woman came home from the store with two cases of beer,
three bottles of wine, a bottle of whiskey and two loaves
of bread.
"Are we expecting company?" her husband asked.
"No," she replied.
"Then why did you buy so much bread?"
-<>-
During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief
account of the benefits of a marriage of such long
duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned
from all those wonderful years with your wife?" an
anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room.
Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the
best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance,
self-restraint, meekness, forgiveness -- and a great many
other qualities you wouldn't need if you had stayed single."
-<>-
__------__
/~ ~\
| //^\\//^\|
/~~\ || o| |o|:~\
| |6 ||___|_|_||:|
\__. / o \/'
| ( O )
/~~~~\ `\ \ /
| |~~\ | ) ~------~`\
/' | | | / ____ /~~~)\
(_/' | | | /' | ( |
| | | \ / __)/ \
\ \ \ \/ /' \ `\
\ \|\ / | |\___|
\ | \____/ | |
/^~> \ _/ <
| | \ \
| | \ \ \
-^-\ \ | )
`\_______/^\______/
unknown
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his
father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies
became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same
question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved
to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!
Mommy said we came from monkeys."
His father replied, "No, your mother was talking about her
side of the family."
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
Seem to be or not seem to be....
\
,,,,,,
/e ''(
(_ ` \
___> \
/ ,_\-.___ \_
/ _)/ / \
| \ / ` _ |
__\____/ / ' |
/ _ /______/
/ _/ \,_____/o (
\__)/` \
/ \__________/_/_
_/ \ \ )/ \
/ / | /\ (
\_____/ ___/ \ \ _/ \
______/_/___|_| ) \ /
/ o\ o\ / / /\
b'ger,,,'-----^--',,,,,,',,|_,,\_ ,,\/,,
>Andy Says... Just Think About This!
** A mother asked her son, "How high can you count?"
The boy proudly replied "433!"
She then asked, "Why did you stop counting?"
He answered, "'Cause church was over."
** TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
** A can of cat food contains as much meat as five adult mice.
** I'm still having a lousy childhood.
** Life isn't fair but neither is death.
** Most people don't make the same mistake twice,
they make it three or four times.
** Relax, otherwise you might die all tensed up.
** Problems that go away by themselves
usually come back by themselves.
** I was whipped so often as a kid, until I was eleven-years-old
I thought I was a dog team.
** My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book
called 'Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.'
** When I fly I always fly first class. Not the whole way but
just 'til they kick me out." --Pauly Shore
** Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
** If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
** Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch...
** A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago...
** First National Bank of Dad. Sorry, Closed.
-<>-
___________________________
/\ \
/''\ \
/''''\____________________ \
/'''''/////////////////////\ \
/'''''////\ \////////////''\ \
/'''''////''\ \//////////''''\ \
/'''''////\'''\ \ /'''/\'''''\ \
/'''''//////\'''\ \ /'''///\'''''\ \
/'.---.////// \'''\ /'''//// \'''''\ \
_ _ _ _ _ _ /'/ _ \\//// \___\_/'''//// \'''''\ \
'-_-_-_-_-. \ /'/ / \ \\// /\ \''//// \ \'''''\ \
\\`---------\ \\------\____ \////___\---\'''''\ \--.
\`---------/ //------|______________|---\'''''\______\--`
`=======_/ //=======//////\ \////====/'''''////////=='
\'''\____// \ \//////''\ \// /'''''////////
\'''| ||| \ /'''/\'''\ \ /'''''////////|
\''| ||| \ /'''///\'''\ \ /'''''////////||
\'| ||| /'''//// \'''\ \/'''''////////|||
\| |||\ /'''//// \'''\ /'''''//////// |||
| |||'\ /'''////_____\___\/'''''////////| |||
| |||''\ \''//// \''''//////// | |||
| |||'''\ \//// \''//////// | |||
| |||''''\___________________\//////// | |||
| |||''''//////////////////////////// | |||
| |||\''//////////////////////////// | |||
LGB/Laury | ||| \//////////////////////////// | |||
____| |||_ ____| |||_
`. '.||| `. `. '.||| `.
`.________`. `.________`.
>The Top Ten Blonde Inventions of The 20th Century
10) The water-proof towel
9) Solar powered flashlight
8) Submarine screen door
7) A "How To Read" book
6) Inflatable dartboard
5) A dictionary index
4) Eject seat for a helicopter
3) Powdered water
2) The water-proof tea bag
AND the number one Blonde Invention of The 20th Century:
1) Pedal-powered wheel chair
-<>-
>Which Glass Has It?
Mary and Jill decided to split a can of Diet Pepsi during
break. Mary opened the can, and poured half the contents
into her own glass, and half into Jill's glass. Before
tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional
information on the side.
"'Only one calorie per can'," she read aloud.
"Hmm," murmured Jill. "I wonder which glass has the
calorie?"
-<>-
>CLUES YOU'VE GONE OVERBOARD ON HOME IMPROVEMENT
1. You've built a drive-thru car wash in the second slot of
your 2-car garage.
2. You'll use any excuse to add a new room onto the house,
including needing more space for the newest addition to
the family -- your daughter's goldfish Buffy.
3. Even Martha Stewart has deemed your multi-level,
hydraulically-operated kitchen is "a bit overdone."
4. You've converted the standard stall shower into a "bathing
waterfall," complete with tropical plants.
5. Your rear-projection, surround-sound TV room can comfortably
seat 43, and you're trying to make arrangements with Universal
for first run films.
6. Your dog has a duplex dog house out back, even though he
sleeps in bed with you every night.
7. The local building department says you can't add a fourth
floor to a house that was originally zoned as a single level
dwelling.
8. You bought and demolished your next door neighbors house
to make room for an Olympic size swimming pool.
9. You've installed a small freight elevator going to your
attic.
10. You've built an FAA-approved helipad on your roof.
-<>-
| _ _
. | . x .|.|-|.|
|\ ./.\-/.\-|.|.|.|
~~~|.|_|.|_|.|.|.|_|.|~~~
jim halat
>You Might Be From A Small Town If...
1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
2. You know what FFA is.
3. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle
of a dirt road.
4. Your idea of a FUN weekend was riding around parking lots because
that is where EVERYBODY was.
5. Your idea of an EXCITING weekend was watching a fight in the
parking lot.
6. You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.
7. School gets canceled for city, county, or state events.
8. You were ever in the Homecoming parade.
9. You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
10. Everyone thought it was really cool to date someone from the
neighboring town.
11. You had senior skip day.
12. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
13. You don't give directions by street names, but instead, like this:
Turn right by Mark's house, go two blocks east past Henderson's, and
it's four houses left of the track field.
14. The country club golf course had only 9 holes. (Or there wasn't even
one.)
15. You can't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
16. The people in the city dress funny, then your town picks up on the
trend a few years later.
17. The football coach suggested that you haul hay for the summer to get
stronger.
18. Directions are given using "the" stoplight as a reference.
19. The city council meets at the coffee shop.
20. Your "letter jacket" was worn after your 19th birthday.
21. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and
ask if you need a ride.
22. Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names.
23. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
24. The closest Taco Bell or Burger King is at least 30 miles away.
25. So is the closest shopping mall.
26. You have a good laugh reading this because you know they're all
true.
27. Then you forward it to everyone who lives in your town (because you
know them all)!!
-<>-
>Short Takes
Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and
didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too:
"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry."
she told him.
"Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are
you planning to marry?"
=============================
** A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at
a small town and went to the local cafe..He sat at the end of the
copunter, ordered a Coke, and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing
smoke rings.
After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an
angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more
remark like that and I'll bust you in the mouth!"
==============================
** Passing an office building late one night, a guy saw a sign that
said, "Press bell for night watchman."
He did so, and after several minutes heard the watchman clomping
down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another,
shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the
revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at the man, "what do you want?"
"I just wanted to know why you can't ring it for yourself."
-<>-
_
|_| | |_/ _ _ (_) _ |
| | (` \) . | \ (` (` |) (_ (_) ,-.(_) | o o o
/ | `-'
_
(_) *
.|, * O
-x-
'|` \ \ |// | *
( %%%)%%%/%%% % -+- O
_ %\%%%%%%%%(%%%%%/ |
%%%%%%%%%%)%%%)%(%%\ _
%%/ __^_ _^__ \%%% (_) _|_ )
|"\=(((@))=((@)))=/"|% | (
%\_( ,`--'(_)`--'. )_/ % \ )
/%%( /______I______\ )% ) ) ,
_/%%%%\\\_|_|_|_|_|_///%%% ,----.-._ ( /
%% %%\ `|_|_|_|_|' /%\%%\ / __ `.``. \(
-%% %%%%`---.___,---'%%%% ) / / _`.__))))____`
( %% % %% \ ( @)__,._ :%##
% % \ .' )`-----.%##
/ `' ,'
Stef
>"Don't You Hate it When..."
** You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished
a cigarette.
** You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid
little plastic thing in the middle of them.
** The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into
the back of your ankle.
** The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
** There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing
down to find an address.
** You open a can of soup, and the lid falls in.
** It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't
realize it till you walk across your living room rug.
** There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
** You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
** Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the
mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
** You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
** Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to
get a reading.
** A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the
radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
** There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of
the tray.
** You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your
entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
** The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a
pedestrian finish crossing.
** A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with
your filling.
** You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
** The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
** You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to
get out.
** People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to
a counter just opening up.
** Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
** You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the
dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
** You have to inform five different sales people in the same
store that you're just browsing.
** You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and
smash your head on the way up.
** You had that pen in your hand only a second ago, and now you
can't find it.
Andy Says.... (Probably taken by a pen collector like me, says Andy)
---
...HaHa or by Me if it has an advertising or name on it - :)
-<>-
((" ")
<)) <\(>
'\| |\
________/|______| \_________ kOs
>ALWAYS REMEMBER
Always remember these important rules when asking a man
to do something:
1. Make sure the man is conscious.
2. Hide the changer and his cell phone, and line the bird
cage with the sports section.
3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three
hours, max.
4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook
him something that doesn't have a peel-back cover.
5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave
his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn,
and microwave again for another 35 minutes.
6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd better"
or "do as I say and no one will get hurt."
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Miracle Coyote!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coyote.html
Lion Cub Rescue!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lionrescue.html
Awww Animals 8!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals8.html
Endangered Wolf!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolf.html
Adam In Paradise!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html
World Of Big Cats!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html
Mouse Vs Leopard!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mouse.html
Johan's Noah's Ark!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noahsark.html
Leopard Vs Crocodile!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html
Margaret The Giraffe!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giraffe.html
Beautiful Aerial England!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/england.html
Humor With Cars!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carhumor.html
Houses For Hermits!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/house.html
Sweet Little Pad!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/homepad.html
Life's Little Oops 4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops4.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver2.html
Amazing Albino Animals!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albino.html
Designer Toilet Paper!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/designertp.html
Classic Chevy Collection!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html
Longleat's Monkey Shines!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monkeyshines.html
Spring and St.Paddy's Menu!
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html
-<>-
Doug Casey on Modern Monetary Theory By Doug Casey March 15, 2019
Justin’s note: The left has a new obsession… Modern Monetary Theory
(MMT). MMT is an economic theory which essentially argues that the
U.S. government wouldn’t need to collect taxes or borrow money to
finance spending. It could simply print more money if necessary.
https://www.caseyresearch.com/doug-casey-on-modern-monetary-theory/
It used to be - Big Brother is Watching - Now with cell phones and
cameras every where and smart listening devices, it is - Big Brother
is Watching And Listening: Snoopy Appliances Invade Home Privacy
Technology companies are taking marketing ploys to new heights as their
electronic gadgets captivate the latest generation of young consumers.
The introduction of “smart” technologies – appliances that can be
activated and controlled by voice commands to “listen in” and “help us
out” by turning on some music or dimming the lights.
All of these high-tech manufacturers gloss over the very real legal and
security concerns consumers are raising about their intelligent devices.
These machines continue to record everything within their range whenever
you fail or forget to turn them off.
This always-on feature of smart appliances such as Amazon Echo/Alexa or
Google Home is often overlooked. It becomes important for people like
James Bates of Bentonville, Arkansas:
https://tinyurl.com/y4dztnrv
JOHNNY CARSON INTERVIEW TIM CONWAY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6efjXwa8Fxg
Flashback Fridays on NBC 6- The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfnGr5g68UU
Project Animals Joan Embery Tonight Show montage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4KLW0ZobH4
Johnny Carson Animal Hi Jinks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndWx0-4A518
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Breathtaking crossbow performance by Ben Blaque at the French TV show
"The Worlds's Greatest Cabaret" hosted by Patrick Sebastien
https://youtu.be/v6XH4I-QPTU
This takes a few minutes but well worth the time.
Nothing upsets me more than to see some no talent singer
butcher this song at the beginning of an event or any time.
This should be shown in ALL of our schools!
https://www.youtube.com/embed/YaxGNQE5ZLA
---
...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
Revisiting...
>Watch all 3 short videos. I haven't a clue how he does any of
this. Fascinating! I Can't understand a single word either, but
you don't need to. Watch it to the end.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/75X7G-38xBk
YOU AREN'T GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently they only do this in Australia. They don't tour because
it costs too much to transport these highly trained and valuable
animals.
It take about 2 years to train one giraffe to feel comfortable
in the water, and then another 3 or 4 years to get them to dive.
They also train them using only the reward system, unlike other
animal exhibitions where they use harsh techniques.
https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/nPrWo5pEvyk?rel=0
---
...Love this one! Thanks Linda!
LOL! If you believe all this Blarney - then I've got a bridge
I wanna sell ya! ;)
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"This week, Wisconsin is hosting the U.S. Cheese Champion-
ship. Once again, the winner is expected to be 'Heart
Disease.'" -Conan O'Brien
"According to a new study, cats may have more potential
than dogs to sniff out bombs. They just won't bother to
tell you." -Seth Meyers
"The Centers for Disease Control reminds you, still the
best way to avoid contracting an STD is to get really into
Dungeons and Dragons in high school." -Jimmy Kimmel
"There are some accusations that Silicon Valley discriminates
against people because of their age. Elderly groups are so
furious about this that they plan to send Silicon Valley an
angry fax." -Conan O'Brien
"Hasbro announced they are making a new version of Monopoly
to appeal to a younger generation. That means it won't come
with any cash, so you'll have to borrow some from your
parents' Monopoly set." -Jimmy Fallon
"A man in Austria yesterday tried to enter a court with a
bag of cockroaches. 'Get those horrible creatures out of
here!' said the cockroaches about the lawyers." -Seth Meyers
"Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will
prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's
perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of
alcohol but none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien
"A new study found that women think men holding a guitar
are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In
a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone."
-Jimmy Fallon
"YouTube temporarily pulled a New York zoo's live stream
of a giraffe giving birth. A zoo spokesman said that their
YouTube cam had been reported as containing nude content.
All animals are nude! Every one of them is nude except for
your neighbor's dog who has to wear those stupid dog outfits
that he clearly hates." -James Corden
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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