The Haunted House And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ /} _,---~-LJ,-~-._ ,-^ ' ' ' ^:, : . ' ' : : /| . /\ ' : : . //| // \ ' : : `~` /| `^~` ' ; : ' //| ' : : \-_ `~` , ' : ; . \.\_,--,_;^/ , : : ^-_!^!__/^ , : :, , . , : -ZEUS- ^--_____ . ;` `^''----` *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friends Cloie and M.r.T. Most of us grew up adoring the cartoon characters from Peanuts. Charles Schultz made Charlie Brown with his dog Snoopy one of our favorite newspaper comic reads. Here's some fun inspirational wisdom with them... , ----. - - ` ,__.,' \ .' *` / | | / **\ . / ****. | mm | ****| \ | ****| ` ._______ \ ****/ \ /`---' \___( /~~~~\ / \ / | \ | | \ , ~~ . |, ~~ . | |\ ( |||| ) ( |||| )(,,,)` ( |||||| )-( |||||| ) | ^ ( |||||| ) ( |||||| ) |'/ ( |||||| )-( |||||| )___,'- ( |||| ) ( |||| ) ` ~~ ' ` ~~ ' Wisdom Of Peanuts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wisdomofpeanuts.html --- ...Most enjoyable! Thanks My Friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm An insurance agent approaches a cowboy, trying to sell him an accident policy. The agent inquires, "Have you ever had an accident?" "Never," the cowboy responds. "However, just recently a horse kicked in two of my ribs, and back a couple years ago a rattlesnake bit my ankle." "Wouldn't you call these accidents?" says the puzzled agent. "Nah," the cowboy replies. "They both did it on purpose!" -<>- On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, "You're not a very friendly bear, are you?" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 23 is National Mole Day and TV Talk Show Host Day October 24 is National Bologna Day and United Nations Day October 25 is Punk for a Day Day and World Pasta Day October 26 is National Mincemeat Day October 27 Frankenstein Friday, National Tell a Story Day - in Scotland and the U.K. and Navy Day October 28 is Make a Difference Day - fourth Saturday of the month, neighbors helping neighbors and Plush Animal Lover's Day October 29 is Hermit Day and National Frankenstein Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _()_ )( _..-''''''-.._ .' . ' ` . `. .' . . `. .-. : . ...... . : : : . .' ) ( `. . : `. @: . : < > : . : .-----. `.: . :--`--'--: . :.' `. .---:: . : .--. *: . :: _ : .'.' `:. . : :__. : . .' : '.`: : : : -. : `._ `.______.' _.' '`._ .' ' jgs `. `'' .' ``-......-'' `. ``` .' `---' `-----' >Diminutive Daughter Frustrated at my attempts to find something suitable for my diminutive daughter to wear that didn't look like something for a child, I approached a rather harried-looking saleswoman. "What do you have for a petite woman about five feet tall, around 95 to 100 pounds?" The short, pleasantly plump clerk looked at me with a rueful smile. "Nothing but contempt," she said. -<>- >Birthday TV My sister gave me a 13" TV for my birthday. She had gotten it for free when she bought a used large screen TV for the living room. The original owners said they didn't use the 13" TV much because it would shut off after a while. After checking out the on-screen menu features, I found there was a sleep timer set for 90 minutes. -<>- >Grocery Karma At the grocery store, I saw a man yelling at his wife about how to choose produce. Just as he reached his whole body over the broccoli to get the "best one," the produce sprinkler turned on and soaked him. -<>- >Submarines The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School. The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, SIR, it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ___ _-"_-" _-_-" _-_-" _______________________-"-"_ \ / \ / mga .--_\______________________/_--. ""--------------------------"" >SMILES I asked a friend of mine by phone what he was doing. He told me he was working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel under a constrained environment." I was impressed. In further conversation, I learned that he was "washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision." -------- A salesman telephoned a household and a young boy answered. "May I speak to your mother?" the salesman asked. The boy replied, "She's not here right now." The salesman then asked, "Is there anyone else there?" The boy replied, "My sister." The salesman asked, "May I speak to her?" The boy replied, "I guess so." At this point there was a long period of silence on the phone. Then the boy returned and said, "Hello?" The salesman responded, "It's you again? I thought you were going to get your sister." To which the boy replied, "I tried but I can't get her out of the playpen!" -------- Douglas was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Douglas replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Douglas replied, "The same place you got that train from!" -------- One day Sandra was enjoying a somewhat fattening snack when Michael remarked, "You're getting a little broad across the beam." Sandra promptly went on a diet. A few weeks and several lost pounds later, Michael commented, "You should stop losing weight, Sandra. Your face is beginning to look wrinkled." Michael," came the frustrated reply, "you had better make up your mind which part of me you enjoy viewing more - heads or tails." -------- Mrs. Harris visited a surgeon to be examined for her pain. The surgeon looked her over and said, "You need an operation." Mrs. Harris thought it over and then said, "I'd like a second opinion." "O.K.," replied the surgeon. "You don't need an operation." -------- Little Johnny visited a neighbor's house. "Can I see your trap?" "What trap? I don't know what you mean," said the neighbor. Little Johnny replied, "The one my Dad says you can't keep shut." -------- A man was saying grace in a low voice. Somebody at the table said, "I can't hear you." The man replied, "I wasn't talking to you." -------- A patient complained to his Psychiatrist that he was always forgetting things. "What shall I do?" "Pay me in advance," the Psychiatrist advised. -------- A fellow was walking along a country road and came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer and asked how long it would take him to get to the next town. The farmer didn't answer. So, after waiting a bit, the fellow started walking again. After the man had gone about 100 yards, the farmer yelled, "About 20 minutes." Confused, the man turned back toward the farmer and inquired, "Why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Well," said the farmer, "I didn't know how fast you could walk." -------- The child was a typical four-year-old girl -- cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she replied, "is that when mommy came to work for us?" -------- __ , ," e`--o (( ( | __,' \\~----------------' \_;/ hjw ( / /) ._______________. ) (( ( (( ( ``-' ``-' A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog." -------- A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils, "Now, children, do you all say your prayers at night?" A little boy answered: "My Mommy says my prayers." "I see," replied the teacher, "and what does your Mother pray?" Replied the little boy: "THANK GOD HE'S IN BED!" -------- While making the rounds, Dr. Owens points out an X-Ray to a group of medical students. "As you can see," he points out, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Aman Preet, what would you do in a case like this?" Preet pondered for a second and answered, "I guess I’d limp, too." -------- (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk, she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says "And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks. "I have three questions," he says. "1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi?" "2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? "And, 3rd -- whatever happened to the missing six-billion-dollars while you were Secretary of State?" Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question? A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up. Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is. "Johnny," he says. "And what is your question, Johnny?" she asks. "I have five questions," he says. "1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi? "2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? "3rd -- whatever happened to the missing six-billion dollars while you were Secretary of State? "4th -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?" "And 5th -- where's Kenneth?" --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >WHY? Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke? Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters? Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the gar EVER WONDER... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? And Why do we trust them? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?? Wool shrinks so Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)... in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while. --- ...TeeHee! Age old questions! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Judge Jeanine: Obama and Clintons 'Sold Us Out' With Russia Uranium 'Racketeering Operation' http://tinyurl.com/yadmr52x White House https://www.whitehouse.gov/ General Mattis BLASTS Mainstream Media http://tinyurl.com/y9493hpc Here’s What “Empty Barrel” Congresswoman Said About Fallen Agents http://tinyurl.com/y8hypaa8 Mueller Team Accused of Going Rogue - This will not end well for anyone... http://truedaily.news/2017/10/20/mueller-team-accused-of-going-rogue/ ABC, NBC Maintain Clinton-Uranium Blackout, CBS Finds It 5 Days Late http://em.mrc.org/uBL0006B8Y0K0H008qdRSk0 Disgusting Sick Trans MOLESTS Young Girl in Bathroom http://tinyurl.com/ydffl9br -<>- >From BizarreNews: Seems like some people would go to any length to get cosmetic surgery done at a low price. Police in Canada, believe that this includes going to an unlicensed teenage doctor. Toronto Police announced that they arrested a teenager who ran an unlicensed medical clinic. According to the police report, 19-year-old Jingyi "Kitty" Wang advertised her services, offering cosmetic surgical procedures under the name "Dr. Kitty." A woman who responded to the advertisement was invited to the basement of a home, where "Dr. Kitty" performed a "face-filler" procedure to smooth out wrinkles. Within a few weeks, the woman developed an infection and had to seek medical help from a licensed plastic surgeon in Toronto. The victim required corrective surgery and reported Dr. Kitty to police. Police arrested Wang on charges of aggravated assault. Investigators believe there may be other victims and are urging those people to contact them. -<>- Police were called after two women posed as workers from a cable television company to gain access into a home, where they robbed a woman. Authorities in Massachusetts, said that 29-year-old Lily B. Bodenlos and an accomplice robbed the home of the elderly woman. The women sprayed pepper spray on her face and tied her up before taking more than $8,000 in cash, several bottles of prescription pills and a key to the woman's safe. According to detectives, Bodenlos, who is from Naugatuck, Connecticut, forgot something very important in the house, her resume. After arriving at the victim's home, detectives in Springfield found a folder with Bodenlos' history, telephone number and email address in the first-floor bathroom, according to the arrest report. Three weeks later, Bodenlos and her accomplice, Melissa Mimitz, 37, from Newington, Connecticut, were arrested and charged with seven felony counts, including possession of firearms, armed robbery, possession of firearms, and kid- napping. *-- I Know a Little Romanian; He's Over There --* It was a mystery that had police puzzled for a while: a rash of thefts reported by passengers who had taken the 75-minute bus trip between Paris and Beauvais airport. A driver has been credited with helping crack the case after he spotted a suspicious suitcase being loaded onto his bus as he prepared to drive from Paris to the airport. Acting on his tip-off about a large brown bag that appeared to be moving on its own, police at Beauvais pounced on a Romanian man who picked up the suitcase and a smaller black rucksack as he arrived. After arresting him, detectives found an accomplice hidden inside the case who, once alone in the baggage hold during the trip, would pull a strap to unzip himself and then begin his thieving. Both men, aged around 40, were from Romania and had criminal records for theft. *----------- This Story Sounds Fishy -----------* A British man's heart stopped after he accidentally swallowed a 6-inch long Dover sole on a fishing trip in Boscombe, in southern England. The man, 28, who was not named, went into cardiac arrest after the fish jumped in his mouth, blocking his throat. However, paramedics were able to clear his airway after drawing the sole free with forceps. Matt Harrison, an emergency responder for the South Western Ambulance Service, said he was on the scene in under two minutes. When he arrived on the dimly lit pier where the man was fishing, a friend of the man's was already performing CPR. This friend, also not named, told Harrison the 28-year-old had jokingly placed a fish he had just caught over his mouth. The sole then wriggled free and jumped in. "It was clear that we needed to get the fish out or this patient was not going to survive the short journey to the Royal Bournemouth Hospital," Harrison said. After six attempts, the fish finally came out in one piece. To the paramedic's amazement, it was a whole Dover sole, measuring about 6 inches. After the patient arrived at hospital, he was able to respond to some questions, and has since made a full recovery. *----- The Decline of Western Civilization -----* A New York hotel announced the return of one of its most famous limited-time menu items -- a gold-topped bagel with a $1,000 price tag. The Westin New York hotel in Times Square announced the $1,000 bagel, which had a limited run in 2007, is making a return to the hotel after multiple requests. The pricey bagel's toppings include goji berry infused Riesling jelly, gold leaves and Alba white truffle cream cheese. "Pound for pound, the white truffle is the second most expensive food in the world, next to caviar," the hotel said. The hefty price tag includes tax and gratuity, the hotel said. All proceeds from sales of the bagels will be donated to the Holy Apostles Soup Kitchen. The bagels will only be available from Nov. 1 until Dec. 15, and interested guests are being instructed to order their decadent breakfast foods 24 hours in advance. *------- The Fall of Western Civilization -------* A Swedish transport company has given in to the will of the people by officially naming a new train Trainy McTrainface after a public vote. Transport company MTR Express, which earlier this year asked readers of Swedish newspaper Metro to vote on a name for the train, said 49 percent of the vote went to "Trainy McTrainface," making it the top choice. Officials with MTR Express said they were resolved to abide by the public's decision, in part to avoid the sort of disappointment that resulted when a British polar research ship was not named Boaty McBoatface despite winning a public poll. "We saw pretty quickly that Trainy McTrainface was in the lead and the popular option. There was a bit of inter- national attention on the vote, and I imagine that some people were quite delighted to get some revenge for the Boaty McBoatface thing," MTR Express marketing chief Per Nasfi said. ========================================================= >-->Story Time From Our Friend Bunni :) /\ !__! O _ __ /LL\ __ _ O /\__('')__/\ /L\ \'._(oo) _ /LLLL\ _ (OO)_.'/ /L\ / _ _ \ /LLL\ `. (_.'/ /LLLLLL\ \'._) .' /LLL\ \/ \/\ /\/ \/ /LLLLL_.' _.'-..' |.--.| '..-'._ `'._LLLLL\ mm |.-.'__.'____________||__||____________'. __'.-.| \_ '\/` \_ ||_||\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\||_|| ,__/ /` ,\_ /' [_____]\_\_\/\_\_\_\_\_\/\_\_\_\_\_\/\_\_\_\[_____] \\/---./ \\ /LLLLL\\_\_//\\\_\_\_\_//\\\_\_\_\_//\\_\_\_/LLLLL\ .'\\, // '. \\ /LLLLLLL\==//__\\======//oo\\======//__\\===/LLLLLLL\ / \\// \ \/LLLLLLLLL\__|__|________|__|________|__|__ /LLLLLLLLL\ : \#\ _ :[___________]_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_[___________] ' _//\ (_// '\| _ |_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_| _ | \ \ ( \ \/ / )| .'|'.[__].=============================.[__].'|'. | '. \ \) ).' / | |-OO| || | _________ | || |-+-| | `-\/#(` / /| |_|_| || | _ [_________] _ | || |_|_| | __\ ,\ / / | || | .'_'. |__ _| .'_'. | || | (OO.-----.% | _ || | | | |_ (oo)_.'/| | | | | || _ | %%|R.I.P|%%| .'|'. || | |-+-|\'._) .' | |-+-| | || .'|'. | %%%|_____|%%| |-+-| || | |_|_| '..-'._ `'._ |_|_| | || |OO-| | ~^"^~[_________]| |_|_| || | [_____] | '.__.'[_____] | || |_|_| | ''"^"^"~~^"`| || | | | | || | | /\ || lc_________|_______|__________| || | _ |_) )_ ||/ \|| _ | )) .-~^"^-__ .' """ '._||_________________________________||______)\.'""'. / /\ /\ \__]XXXXXXXXXX[_________]XXXXXXXXXX[__]~"^.'""'.__.' | /_\ |~"^~"^~"^~[_____________]~^"~_________ '.__.'~^"^ | _______ | /Keep Out/ -"~"- \ \W W W/ / _- /________/ '.\M M/.' __-- / / '~"^"~"^~'. / / _-"^~"^"- __-- _-^~"^"~^-_ >The Haunted House I must have asked my eight year old daughter a hundred times if she was sure she wanted to go into the haunted house. And every time, she nodded emphatically. Feeling a little apprehensive, I took her into one last weekend, and, as her fingernails dug into my wrist, I was absolutely amazed she wasn't pleading to leave. That is, until we rounded our first corner, someone jumped from the shadows, and I let out a blood- curling scream. What can I say? I was caught off guard. The reason this was not an intelligent thing to do is, up to that point, my daughter assumed I was the brave one. I would protect her. And, no matter how much I tried to reassure her that everything was still fine, she stood there looking at me as if zombies had just removed my brain stem. And that's when my daughter's legs went wet-noodle and she started to scream. Suddenly, the strobe lights, moaning, laughing, and haunting sound effects completely over stimulated my senses. I felt claustrophobic. I must have panicked, because the next thing I knew, I was trying to push back towards the entrance shouting "Coming through, coming through, little girl about to pee her pants." Only, the crowd was so thick, there was no getting through the throngs of giddy people enjoying a good fright. The more I tried swimming upstream, the more the wave pushed me back towards the ghouls and goblins. And, to make matters worse, I was totally dismayed when the pathetic yells of a voice screaming for a "little compassion" turned out to be mine. So, I gave up and started moving with the crowd, only, my daughter didn't like that plan. Screaming at the pitch of her lungs, she threw her body to the ground. Besides recording the pitiable image of that, my brain also replayed my wife's last parting words to me when I told her I might stop at the haunted house on the way home from ballet class. "Ken," she said emphatically, "don't you dare take our daughter to a haunted house! It will scare her to death!" (Isn't it funny how sometimes God makes us look like fools. I wish he made moms do that, too.) Anyway, I guess my daughter on the floor began to create a bottleneck at the front door, because moments later, the house manager showed up to talk to me. "What?!" I shouted at him. "I can't hear you! I think my daughter's screams shattered my ear drums! Hold that flashlight to your face and mouth the words, slowly!" He told me I needed to get my little girl off the floor and keep moving. I explained to him that was impossible. "Don't you have an emergency team to help get kids out quickly in a situation like this?" I asked. "A quick reaction force or something?" "No." "That's not very helpful," I complained. "Well, maybe your daughter isn't ready for this, and should have stayed outside." "That's good advice," I retorted. "Maybe you'd like to come over later and help my wife say 'I told you so.' You could stay for dinner." Finally, I grabbed my daughter up, told her to bury her face into my chest (she did the same with her teeth), and I ran really fast through the haunted house. I'd tell you what my wife said when I got home...but I don't want to scare anyone. --- ...LOL! Great story! Thanks Bunni! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _|_ | .-'''''-. .-' '-. .-' :::::_::::: '-. ___/ ==:...:::-:::...:== \___ /_____________________________\ ':'-._________________________.-'_ ':::\ @-,`-[-][-^-][-]-`,-@ / _| |_ '::| .-------------------. ||_ @ _| ::|=|* ___ _ ___ *|=|'.| | ':| |' ))_) )) ))_) '| |::.^| _:|=|' ((`\ (( (( '|=|::::::. _| || |' _ '| |:::::::. |_ |=|'1634 _( )_ 1789'|=|':::::. | || |' ( (_ ~ _) ) '| | ':::' |^||=|* ) (_) ( *|=| '::' | '-------------------' .::::' |_____________________.::::::' .'___________________.::::::'' |_______________.::::'':::''' .'_____________.::::::''::::'' .:::'''' LGB .'::::' .:::::''':. .:::::' A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a funeral. "No problem," the teacher told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral. "You'll have to take the test early next week," the professor insisted. "I can't keep postponing it." "I'll take the test next week if no one dies," the undergrad replied. By now I the instructor was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?" "I don't know any of these people," the student exclaimed. "But I'm the only gravedigger in town." -<>- A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?" -<>- Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints." -<>- It was time for the final and the student depending upon getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test. The question was "If H2O if water, what is H2O4?" This was a quick question for most, but it took the student some thinking time. Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, and cleaning. -<>- Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is. "Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home." "What kind of question?" asked Tom. "My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly." "That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'". "Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO....'" -<>- I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: _____ .---...-. ,' -. `. ,' _____...' / - _ - \ : .' _ _ \\ : ' _)' : | :-(_).(_):: (_ ;) | | -' || \ _ / ; | _ || `..___..' `-'..____.'`' ;._: _; :_ / \ SSt ,' `' `. SSt >JEST FOR KIDS * THE RIDDLES How do you make a skeleton laugh? By tickling his funny bone. What do you call a pea from the '60s? A hip pea (Rachel, 11) When should baseball players wear armor? When they play knight games (Tei, 8) Why do teachers wear sunglasses? Because their students are so bright! (Alexa, 8) Why is a sofa like a roast chicken? Because they're both full of stuffing! (Joanna) Why do grocery clerks make you pick paper or plastic? Because baggers can't be choosers. (Jay Salinger) Why did the pony's hoof make a funny sound? Because his horseshoe was a ringer. (Hilario,10) What do you call a lizard with a platinum hip-hop album? Rap-tile! (Daily Groaner) Why couldn't the athlete listen to his music? Because he broke the record! (James, 11) What did Sir Lancelot wear to bed? A knight gown (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies) What did the blanket say to the bed? "Don't worry, I've got you covered!" (Susan, 11) Where should you put the officers in a military orchestra? In the brass section (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) What happens when a cat eats a lemon? It becomes a sourpuss. (Kyle, 9) Why did the teacher say Johnny's grades were were under water? They were all below "C" level (Andy 12) Why did the lady go outdoors with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather. (Douglas Helsel) Did you hear about the successful school play? It was a class act. (Mike Benny) What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to been careful not to step in a poodle. (Andrew Garcia) Why did the butcher make his sausages with meat at one end but only corn meal at the other? Because in hard economic times it's difficult to make both ends meat. (Lederer & Ertner) Why did the urban gang cross the road? To ghetto the other side. (Bob Dvorak) What did the big French fry say to the little French fry? Ketchup (Rachael, 7) Why did the boy call his pet pig Ballpoint? It was a pen name. (Lederer & Ertner) Which line did the comedian stand in at the dance? The punch line (Daily Groaner) -<>- >Missed Call My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One morning a call came in for her. I said she wasn't in yet and offered to take a message. The caller said she'd phone back later. At 11:00 a.m., the caller tried again, and I reported that Marina had gone to lunch. The last call came in at 3:30 p.m. "I'm sorry," I said, "she's left for the day. May I take a message?" "Yes," the caller replied. "How can I get a job with you?" -<>- _______ ,,--'' ''--,, ,-' '-, / \ | | | | | |\ /| | |\ | | \ / | | /| | \ | | '-, ,-' | | / | | '-| | '-, ,-' | |-' | | | \ / | | | | ,-;;/ \;;-, | | | ,' \__|;;;/ , , \;;;|__/ ', | \/ | | \/ / ,-| |-, \ ; \ / ; \ '-, ,-' / '-,, ' ,,-' '-, \'-, ,-' ', \ ''--,, ,' \ ''--,, / / |\ /| |( )| |'-, ,-'| low ''-,-'' A German, an Italian and a Redneck were on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1.. to be shot 2.. to be hung 3.. to be injected with the A.I.D.S. virus. So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.) Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Redneck said "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over. So finally the warden said, "What the heck is wrong with you?" The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid, I'm wearing a condom!" -<>- ___ \--/ .' `"-._ Since this is the time /`-' '-`\ / , `'-_.-. for goblins and bats, / \ / /`'. ,' _ | /.'|/\ /\|'.\ `-' `-. ,' ,'\\/ \/ \, ,' ee`-. Halloween spirits and / ./ ,(_ \ , ghosts and cats, (_/\\\ \__|`--' || ///\\| \ || ////||-./`-.} .--|| Weird happenings and / `-.__.-`_.-.| witches brew, | '._,-'`|___} `; / '. |/ || ,;'` | '.__,.-` || ':, These are the things | | || ,;' I wish for you: / / _,.||oOoO.,_ | | \-.O,o_O..-/ / / / \ May the only ghost | / / \ that comes to stay, | | | , | / | \ ) ( ) / Be the Holy Ghost jgs | \ ,'.(:, ),: (_.'. to guide your way. / /'.' ="`""="="=="= '. `'"---'-.__.'"""` ` "" "" `"" ,, , ,, ,\\//, .--') ,\\//, ,\\\///, ,, / / May the only spirit ,\\\///, \\\\//// ,\\//, | / you chance to meet, \\\\//// \\\/// ,\\\///, /'.\ (_.'\ \\\/// ###### \\\\//// \ / ###### ////\\\\ \\\/// '--. .---' Be the spirit of love ////\\\\ /////\\\\\###### ( " ) and warm friends sweet, /////\\\\\//////\\\\////\\\\ '-' //////\\\\\\/,///\\\/////\\\\\ _ ///////\_?_\\(_) //////\\\\\\, ( \ May the only tricks .'`---`'. _j_/////\\\\\(_) ) ) you are /.'a a \.'`---`'. jgs ( ( .-""-. A.-.A asked to do, |: ^ /.'d\ /b \ \ \/ \/ , , \ \' www |: ^ | \ \ =; t /= '._____.'\' VVV / \ |"". ',--' Be the trick '._____.' / // | || of getting /_,)) |_,)) a friend or two. >Signs your church has taken on a corporate sponsor. - Communion cups now have Welch's Grape Juice Logo - Nike "swoosh" on the cross - Taco Bell's talking dog now reading weekly announcements - In Christmas play, Joseph seen drinking can of Coke. - Greeters all wearing Wal Mart Vests - Personal pew licenses now sold - Baptisms include dolphin show from Sea World - Statue of Moses seen holding keys to a Jeep - The 12 disciples replaced by Disney characters - Scripture verses brought to you by Windows '98 - Pastor doing subliminal product messages during sermon - Bulletin has coupon section - Choir members all wear Dockers - In the restrooms, an attendant hands you a Holiday Inn towel - There is a credit card swiper on the collection plate - Offering envelopes bearing Visa or Mastercard emblems on them - Handicap parking sponsored by the Family Medical Group, LLC - Wednesday night suppers sponsored by KFC - Sunday morning televised services sponsored by FOX News Channel - Church vans traded in for Ford Broncos - Church bell chimes to the tune of the NBC chimes - Choir robes with the Lands' End emblem on front - Sunday bulletins with the CNN logo - Free Perrier at all baptisms - Church flag football team sponsored by the NFL - Jail ministry team wears Dallas Cowboy Jerseys - Southern Gospel Quartet dressed as Mr. Goodwrench - Women's choir wearing "I Got It at Sears" Buttons - Youth area now known as the Tommy Hillfiger Room - Annual Men's Prayer Breakfast sponsored by IHOP. - Day Care playground equipment provided by McDonalds - Food Bank exclusively features Kraft Cheese -<>- A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee! She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in her cup. Puzzled, she asked "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee"? Her grandson answered, "Grandma, it says on TV, the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup." -<>- >WordPerfect Tech Support This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the helpdesk employee was fired. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (from the tape): "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." ".......Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." ".......Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power outage". "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from". "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too F-ing stupid to own a computer!" -<>- Q. If all the cars in the country were pink, what would we have? A. A pink car nation. -<>- A _,-' `-._ _-'_________`-_ ``---\_ _/---`` (_ - _) \_._/ 8 __H__ 8 \ | / 8 |\ | /| 8 _|_|||_|_8 `-,/ \,-'8. | | `8< | | |-,-| gnv'-'-' >Introduction to Chinese Ai Bang Mai Ne-----------I bumped into the coffee table Ar U Wun Tu--------------A gay liberation greeting Chin Tu Fat--------------You need a face lift Dum Gai------------------A stupid person Gun Pao Der--------------An ancient Chinese invention Hu Flung Dung------------Which one of you fertilized the field? Hu Yu Hai Ding-----------We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugutive Jan Ne Ka Sun------------A former late night talk show host Kum Hia------------------Approach me Lao Ze Sho---------------Gilligan's Island Lao Zi-------------------Not very good Lin Ching----------------An illegal execution Moon Lan Ding------------A great achievement of the American space program Ne Ahn-------------------A lighting fixture used in advertising signs Shai Gai-----------------A bashful person Tai Ne Bae Be------------A premature infant Tai Ne Po Ne-------------A small horse Ten Ding Ba--------------Serving drinks to people Wan Bum Lung-------------A person with T.B. Yu Mai Te Tan------------Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you Wa Shing Kah-------------Cleaning an automobile Wai So Dim---------------Are you trying to save electricity? Wai U Shao Ting----------There is no reason to raise your voice ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Tech Horror Stories! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tech.html Beautiful Cactus Blooms! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cactusblooms.html Aww Animals 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals5.html Playing With Words http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wordplay.html Attitude Is Everything 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude4.html 90/10 Principle http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giving.html Extreme US Spas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html World's Fastest Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Extreme Homes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html Amazing Cop Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars.html AMAZING DOG HOUSES http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses.html Word/Phrase Origins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/origins.html Dreamy Ladies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamy.html Our Valuable Anchor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html Tierpark Leopard Cubs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopardcubs.html Pink The Pig Puppy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pigpuppy.html High Tech Toys 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys3.html Life Is... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis2.html Naval Fleet Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/navalart.html Halloween Animations: Bats, Bones, Boo, Devil, Dracula: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Fall and Halloween Animations: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html Halloween Animations: Monsters: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html Halloween Animations: Witches and WORDS: HAL-BOOP WORDS: Hallo http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html Full Fall And Halloween Index Page!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html -<>- >Please Visit/Follow me on StumbleUpon http://tinyurl.com/yalmz6q8 -<>- They say Trump should speak to the NFL protesters so they can understand each other's position on our Anthem... Maybe they just need to be taught what actually happened... Star Spangled Banner As You've Never Heard It https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaxGNQE5ZLA&t=27s -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) A drunk Scotsman's song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZ35SOU9HTM --- ...HaHa! Thanks Geniann! Here's a familiar one... Drunken Sailor https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGyPuey-1Jw -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Red Green....How To Do Everything Tour - Doctor's Office. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5dF_KxSY9U The Billboard charts rank songs and tell us which ones we love the most. Every year there's one single that reigns supreme and spends the most amount of time in the number one spot. From 1946 to 2016, here are America's favorite songs. Press play to see how much pop music has changed over the past 70 years. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yWQpMzzFWk --- ...Love it! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Amazon just announced that teens can now shop on their parents' accounts, but the order will only go through if Mom and Dad approve it. Or if they click the button that says, 'Mom and Dad approve it.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day." -Seth Meyers "According to a new report that just came out, the average college freshman reads at a seventh grade level. Or if you're an optimist every seventh grader now reads at a college freshman level." -Conan O'Brien "A new study finds that parents DO actually have a favorite child. The survey also finds if you have to ask - it ain't you." -Jimmy Fallon "A man who ordered a television off of Amazon was shocked because Amazon instead sent him a rifle. Which means some- where a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch 'Real Housewives.'" -Conan O'Brien "I've been trying to say 'I love you' more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable." -Stephen Colbert "A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, 'I gotta find that blind guy. I'm in a lot of trouble if I don't find him." -Jimmy Fallon "A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel "Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as 'single.'" -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************