The Lone Ranger And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ *~* Our Hearts And Prayers Go Out To Those affected by the horrible sniper shootings our nation endured at the hands of a coward on July 7. May God Bless and help them all in the name of Jesus Christ. Trump and CNN take http://tinyurl.com/gplqym4 ...Today, We have smiles to help with our sadness... >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super hot sizzling new page is from our friend Linda. It is sure to amuse and give you pause to think. Check it out along with its video here... Goose Calls The Cops! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mothergoose.html --- ...TeeHee! such a cute one! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Mom's Survival Tips _._ 1. Don't sweat your every mistake or faux pas. .' '. | They make up for the things you got away / //\\\ \ | with that nobody knows about. ( ( -\- ) ) | '-\_=_/-' // 2. Avoid marrying anyone who deliberately .-'\ /'-. (|/ flushes the toilet when you're taking a / '-' \ / / shower. | \__ __/_/\/ /| | |\ / \ / 3. When someone tells you that what he's \ \ \ '-' about to say is "for your own good," `\/\ ; expect the worst. |/|\ | | | 4. The value of a dog is its constant reminder | | of how much fun it is to be idiotic. | | |_______| 5. If you are lavishly praised, enjoy the | | | taste but don't swallow it whole. \ | / jgs /=|=\ 6. When a politician says, "let me make (_/T\_) something perfectly clear," remember that he usually won't. 7. You children may leave home, but their stuff will be in your attic and basement forever. 8. If someone says, "I know what I mean, but I just can't put it into words," he doesn't know what he means. 9. Two people cannot operate a TV remote control in the same room at the same time. 10. Don't waste time trying to be your own best friend. You can't pat yourself on the back, and it's unsatisfying to cry on your own shoulder. Find a real friend instead. _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Determination Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. .-""""-, Finally, the female bird turned to / \____/ \_.99 her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think (_/__/____\_(____) it's time to tell him he's adopted." jgs //_// \\_\ ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 11 is Cheer up the Lonely Day July 12 is Different Colored Eyes Day and Pecan Pie Day July 13 is Barbershop Music Appreciation Day and Fool's Paradise Day July 14 Bastille Day, Pandemonium Day and National Nude Day July 15 is Tapioca Pudding Day and Cow Appreciation Day July 16 is Fresh Spinach Day and National Ice Cream Day July 17 is Yellow Pig Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: () () () () () () ()__ ( __ / ) zzz \ %% zzz %%% %% %%%% %%% %%%%% %%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%%%%% %%%%%%%% %%%%%% %%%%%%% %%ZzzzZ%% %% = %% %% ;7; %% %% 88888 %% %% 888 %% ejm97 %% 8 %% zzzz * zzzz ___\_ _\___ >Lawyers on a Jury A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers. The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly -- after only an hour of testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested. The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate. After nearly six hours, the trial court was concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if they needed anything. The bailiff returned, and the judge asked, "Are they close to reaching a verdict?" The bailiff shook his head, and replied, "You're honor, they're still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman." -<>- _*_ ....iiooiioo __/_|_\__ [(o)_R_(o)] fe >Police Car Driving through New Jersey on Interstate 80 en route from Pennsylvania to New York, I came upon a group of cars that were abnormally traveling exactly at the 55 MPH speed limit. In the middle of the group was a state police cruiser that everyone was reluctant to pass. After several minutes the officer's voice rang out over his roof-mounted loudspeaker. "For heaven's sake, move!" he commanded. "I am a Pennsylvania trooper." -<>- >Placemat Art Having a family breakfast at a local restaurant, my very active seven-year-old nephew was given a blank paper placemat and crayons to keep him entertained. He busily created pictures including all the family members. When finished, he turned to me and said,"Look, Uncle Wayne, I made a picture of you." I looked at it and said,"Hey, that's great! You made me look so tall and slim." He replied, "Yeah, I know, but I was running out of paper." -<>- >Airline Weight Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from a small airport in New Jersey. I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?" Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?" -<>- >Vet Bills While waiting at the veterinarian's office, I overheard two women chatting about their dogs. "What's your dog's name?" asked the first woman. "Well, we used to call her Pork Chop," answered the second lady. "But after the vet bills we've had for her, we now call her Filet Mignon." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) /L'-, ,'-. /MM . . / L '-, . _,--dMMMM\ /MMM `.. / '-, : _,--, )MMMMMMMMM),. `QMM ,<> /_ '-,' ; ___,--. \MM( `-' )M//MM\ ` ,',.; .-'* ; .' | \MMMMMM) \MM\ ,dM//MMM/ ___ < ,; `. )`--' / | \MM()M MMM)__ /MM(/MP' ___, \ \ ` `. `. /__, ,' | MMMM/ MMMMMM( /MMMMP'__, \ | / `. `-,_\ / | MM /MMM---' `--'_ \ |-' |/ `./ .\----.___ | /MM' `--' __,- \"" |-' |_, `.__) . .F. )-. | `--' \ \ |-' |_, _,-/ J . . . J-'-. `-., | __ \`. | | | \ / _ |. . . . \ `-. F | ___ / \ | `| ' __ \ | /-' F . . . . \ '` | \ \ \ / | __ / \ | |,-' __,- J . . . . . \ | | / |/ __,- \ ) \ / |_,- __,--' |. .__.----,' | |/ ___ \ |'. |/ __,--' `.-;;;;;;;;;\ | ___ \ \ | | ` __,--' /;;;;;;;;;;;;. | \ \ |-'\ ' __,--' /;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\ \ | | / | __,--' `--;;/ \;-'\ \ | |/ __,--' / / \ \ \ | __,--' / / \ \ \|__,--' _,-;M-K, ,;-;\ <;;;;;;;; '-;;;; >SMILES John invited his mother over for dinner one evening. During the meal, she couldn’t help but notice how attractive his roommate Judy was. She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious. She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye. Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said, "I can see your wheels turning Mom, and I know what you’re thinking. Rest assured Judy and I are strictly room-mates." A few days later, Judy went to John and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can’t seem to find it. You don’t think she would have taken it, do you?" "I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure," replied John. John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter: "Dear Mom, While I’m not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you 'didn’t' take a gravy ladle, the fact remains that ever since you were here for dinner one has been missing. Love, Your son." Several days later, John received a reply from his mother which read: "Dear John, While I am not saying you 'do' sleep with Judy, and I’m not saying you 'don’t' sleep with her, the fact remains that she would have found the gravy ladle by now if she were sleeping in her own bed. Love, Mom." -------- Doug goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?" The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in the morning!" -------- A farmer took the camper off his truck before going to town. As he was going down the road three Hillbillies were standing beside the road hitchhiking. The farmer picked them up, one Hillbilly got in the front and the other two Hillbillies got in the back. As they were going over the hill the brakes went out on the truck. The farmer couldn't stop the truck and they went into the pond at the bottom. The farmer and the Hillbilly that was up front come up out of the water a minute later. They kept waiting for the two in the back to come up. The farmer said, "I wonder where they are?" The Hillbilly said, "Maybe they drowned." About five minutes later they come up gasping for breath. The farmer asked, "What the Heck took you so long?" The two Hillbillies said, "We had a devil of a time getting that tailgate open!" ------- Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the floors, and asked him, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Private Duncan replied, "Sure, mate" The Corporal gave him an icy stare. He said, "That's no way to address a superior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?" Private Duncan replied, "No, SIR!" -------- A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?" "Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..." His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He fell silent and she continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply will not ask for directions." -------- The blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." "Don't you have a phone in your car?" the shrink asks. "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Intrigued, the doc asks: "Uh...how's that working?" "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." The psychiatrist follows up, "And why do you think that is?" The blonde answers, "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing. -------- A couple of blondes went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see. One of the sights was a bridge that was more than 1,000 feet above the river. Walking out onto the bridge, they noticed it swaying in the wind. Soon after, a car went past and the wood-plank roadway moved beneath their feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," one blonde said to the other. "What are you worried about?" the second replied. "It's a rental." --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) ---_ ......._-_--. (|\ / / /| \ \ / / .' -=-' `. / / .' ) _/ / .' _.) / / o o _.-' / .' \ _.-' / .'*| \______.-'// .'.' \*| \| \ | // .'.' _ |*| ` \|// .'.'_ _ _|*| . .// .'.' | _ _ \*| \`-|\_/ / \ _ _ \*\ `/'\__/ \ _ _ \*\ /^| \ _ _ \* ' ` \ _ _ \ ASH (+VK) \_ A blonde wanted to sell her pet Python, so she listed it on eBay. A guy rang up and asked if it was big. She said, "It's massive!" He asked, “How many feet?" She answered, "None, Stupid...it's a snake"! ------- Lyn belongs to our Diet Club and she was lamenting that she had gained weight. She told us that she had made her family's favorite luscious cake over the weekend, and added that they'd eaten half of it at dinner that evening. The next day, Lyn continued, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake had vanished. She went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be so disappointed. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. Lyn smiled broadly and quipped, 'He never found out. I made another cake and ate half of that too.' ------- >Church Bulletin Bloopers The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. The low self esteem support group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy." Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. Thursday night potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. The eight graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Eight new choir robes are needed due to the addition of several new members, and the deterioration of some older ones. --- ...LOL! Thanks Fran! -<>- (__ ,_) \_,-/ /__ )__, )/ _\_ / /d \ \ \__ / _.' / ( ' (,-,) | |_ |_, ,-.___|_ /_, / ) .__ ) \ \ \\`-..- \(`. \( \_\ `._ \`-,'`. `-. `' `-.__ \ `,' |-,._) ! ,') `-. ( ,-' ( ,-.) \ \ \ _/ \_ \_ |\_ \`-'._ ) ( ,'( / )/ __,','__/( gnv /__(^ 7..1" >Trivia He was on a posse with 5 other Texas Rangers. They were tracking the outlaws when they were ambushed and all were shot in a blind canyon. All died but one, who would be known as "the Lone Ranger". He was found by an Indian, named Tonto, who nursed him back to health. The ranger feared that he would be identified by those who shot him and that they would kill him, lest he arrest them for their crimes. Which is why he wore a mask. He used silver bullets because he inherited a silver mine, but let his uncle run it so he could pursue law enforcement. His uncle sent him bullets smelted from silver every year. and thus began the legend of the Lone Ranger... Now you know it all. --- ...Sweet! Loved the series! Thanks Fran! For More Trivia Info on the Lone Ranger: http://tinyurl.com/hljyh44 ...My two cents on this site's info: This site doesn't seem to know about the silver mine Fran mentioned and at the end, they make Tonto out to be characterized as not very smart and subservient to The Lone Ranger. As a kid, I watched most all the episodes. My take on Tonto was that he spoke broken English because he was an Indian and English wasn't his first language. I thought he was very intelligent. After all, I couldn't speak his Indian language! The only reason I thought The Lone Ranger told him things to do was because, as a team, Tonto understood The Lone Ranger knew the white man ways better and he followed orders like they were in law enforcement together with The Lone Ranger being in the lead. After all, it was called The Lone Ranger - not Tonto - so someone had to be in the lead role! DUH! LOL! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Recent news from AFA: http://www.afa.net/ Be sure to read the comments here too... 911 Call Before Alton Sterlings Death That BLM Doesn't Want Heard http://conservativetribune.com/911-call-before-sterlings-death/ Crime expert releases SHOCKING new statistics about black men killed by cops http://tinyurl.com/j4s7wer Cops Shoot and Kill UNARMED White Male... Where's the Outrage? http://conservativetribune.com/spread-this-cops-shoot-and-kill/ --- ...like all cop shootings - black or white or red or brown or green or purple - they will investigate it and justice will be done. We have to be patient and let our judicial system work! Unless it is corrupt government - then we need to get our representatives on it to correct the problem! SIGN PETITION TO CONGRESS: Demand Congress Strip Hillary Clinton Of Security Clearance http://tinyurl.com/gtgrogj We don't riot in the streets, destroy property, injure and/or kill our hard working innocent police officers and expect reasonable law abiding citizens to side with us! That is the definition of no brain insanity! -<>- >From BizarreNews: It wouldn't be July 5th (or 6th) without a bizarre fireworks story. This one comes from Michigan where a man sadly died after celebrating a bit too carelessly with explosives. But this man didn't accidentally sit on an M-80 or look down the launch tube of a 3-inch mortar. No. He made his own cannon. Neighbors said 46-year-old Anthony Herman made the cannon specifically to celebrate Independence Day. He had being fired all day before the explosion. "I kept hearing the cannon go off," one neighbor told the local news station. "'Fire in the hole!' to alert everybody because it shakes the windows, and I'm about five houses down." "They were just blowing the cannon off all through the day," added another neighbor, "and I don't know if he packed it too full or something." The explosion, which happened in front of several bystanders, sent shrapnel flying more than 150 yards toward neighboring homes, according to the report. A piece of metal struck Herman in the chest. "When you make homemade things like that, it's an accident waiting to happen," a neighbor said. No other injuries were reported. -<>- An inmate who escaped from prison, voluntarily surrendered himself to police after grabbing a few drinks at a bar, according to police in Arkansas. Logan County police said that 45-year-old Shaun Higham, went to Mitch's Tavern in Paris, before telling the owner that he wants to go back to jail. According to the police investigation, Higham picked the lock of his cell and left the Logan County jail. The following week, he showed up at the bar dressed in his prison uniform, and he was covered with insect bites. He was also dirty and smelly. After drinking at the bar, Higham told the owner that he escaped from prison and wanted to turn himself in. The bar owner immediately called the police and Higham was arrested. Higham was in prison on an aggravated robbery charge. *---------- At Least It Wasn't a Cannon ----------* A 21-year-old Ohio man is recovering after a bullet from celebratory gunfire grazed his skull and came dangerously close to his brain. Amanda McGarran says she and her boyfriend Mario Jovanovski were in Whitehall, OH for the city's 4th of July fireworks when suddenly it was chaos. Amanda says a swarm of people who were gathered there just scattered. "Like a few hundred. They were just running like down the middle of the park," she said. But just as things calmed down, she says the fireworks started up and masked the sound of a single gunshot fired in the air by someone in the crowd. When the bullet came down it grazed the side of Mario's head. "Right when the fireworks started he grabbed his head and was like 'I've just been shot.'" she said. Although he is expected to fully recover, his family says they will never attend fireworks in Whitehall again. No arrests have been made in the incident. *-------- The Itchiest Dress In The World --------* An English woman who became famous (more or less) for making an entire dress out of 3,000 Skittles has just figured out how to roll that fame into something much more disgusting. The 28-year-old Sarah Louise Bryan has just finished a skirt and bra outfit made entirely from human hair. Not her own, which would be gross enough, no, she had to go to social media to ask people to donate their hair. Why? Because the hair she wanted to use was private hair. And thanks to the completely shameless nature of the Internet she got more than enough to finish her project. Sarah said she received thousands of responses. Wearing gloves for protection, Sarah was forced to wear a face and eye mask after she started gagging while working on the dress. But the mother-of-two has no plans so slow down in her creations, and wants to go on and design even more disgusting outfits. "I love creating wearable art from things no-one else would think of. I pride myself in being the first in the world to create something so unique. You can find pictures of her wearing the dress online, if you feel like you can stomach it. *--- 6-foot Man Stuffs Himself into Suitcase ---* A nearly 6-foot tall man was caught on a surveillance camera emerging from a suitcase at a train station in Switzerland. Video shot by a Swiss border guard shows the man's hand sticking out from the suitcase before officers arrive to fully unzip the bag. The man was from Eritrea and had packed himself into the suitcase to cross the border from Italy into Switzerland. The man, who was one of about 3,400 migrants attempting to enter Switzerland's Ticino region, was ultimately sent back to Italy after being discovered inside the suitcase by border guards. *--- Shopper Left Bag of Cocaine at Checkout ---* A Colorado police department is trying to find a shopper who left a bag behind at a self-checkout scanner -- a bag of cocaine. The Aspen Police Department said in a Facebook post a shopper at "a local grocery store" noticed the person in front of them had left the small baggie of cocaine on the scanner in the self-checkout lane. "With the cost of white powdery substances these days, probably somebody got home and spent the next 15 minutes going through their pockets, over and over," the post said. "Now we really try to take care of lost and found property like it is our own, putting a lot of effort into returning iPhones, wallets, passports, etc. But, if this is your property, we're going to leave it up to you to come and collect it." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) >The Story of Adam And Eve's Pets Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.' And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.' And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.' And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.' __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. "",_o\ ! ( ( _) `\ ,,,,_'),)=~ ( ) , ,,,, , ) ,) < ( < < ",\ ",) "_) And Dog was content and wagged his tail. After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.' And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.' _ \`*-. ) _`-. . : `. . : _ ' \ ; *` _. `*-._ `-.-' `-. ; ` `. :. . \ . \ . : .-' . ' `+.; ; ' : : ' | ; ;-. ; ' : :`-: _.`* ; [bug] .*' / .*' ; .*`- +' `*' `*-* `*-* `*-*' And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. ) _. mmeeoowwrr! (___)'' / ,_,/ /'"\ )\ itz And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased. "",_o\ ! ( ( _) `\ ,,,,_'),)=~ ( ) , ,,,, , ) ,) < ( < < ",\ ",) "_) And Dog was happy. And Cat . . . /\____/\ __ .' """" `,-' `--.__ __,- : - - ; " :: `-. -.__ ,-sssss `._ `' _,'" ,'~~~::`.sssss-. |ssssss ,' ,_`--'_ __,' :: ` `.ssssss| |sssssss `-._____~ `,,'_______,---_;; ssssss| |ssssssssss `--'~{__ ____ ,'ssssss| `-ssssssssssssssssss ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ssss.-' `---.sssssssssssssssssssss.---' Susie Oviatt didn't give a darn one way or the other. -<>- The morning after their honeymoon night, Julie says to her husband, "You know, you're really a lousy lover!" Her husband replies, "How would you know after only 30 seconds?" -<>- A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.” The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother — he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?” “Denise,” the doctor says. The new mother thinks, “Wow, that’s not such a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!” Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?” The doctor replies, “DeNephew.” -<>- .---. .--. ___/ \ / `.-"" `-, ; ; / O O \ / `. \ /-' _ J-.__; _.' (" / `. -=: `: `, -=| | F\ i, ; -| | | | || \_J fsc mmm! `mmM Mmm' >The Perfect Diet! Yesterday I was at Kroger buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Owen, the Wonder Dog. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had? An elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time; but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I woke up in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices & IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Kroger won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends... It will be their laugh for the day! --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ____ .-'& '-. / \ : o o ; ( (_ ) : ; \ __ / `-._____.-' /`"""`\ / , \ /|/\/\/\ _\ (_|/\/\/\\__) |_______| __)_ |_ (__ jgs (_____|_____) A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?" The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet." -<>- An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." >From the back of the room a voice called out, "Yeah? So, what are the words?" -<>- __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' Our armored car arrived earlier than usual, so my deposit wasn't quite ready. As the young man waited patiently for me to secure the bag, I said, "Sorry to hold you up." "Delay, delay," he corrected me. "We don't use that other phrase." -<>- Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time. "Nonsense," I said, inconsolable. "Men are good for only one thing!" "Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?" -<>- Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord." -<>- A British friend of mine once found himself at a dinner party sitting next to an attractive American woman. The conversation turned to cricket, and the woman asked my friend to explain the game. He agreed and embarked on a lengthy explanation of the mysteries of "silly mid-on," "fine-leg," "googly," "chinaman" and the like. At the end he sat back, exhausted. The woman looked at him, shaking her head in wonderment, "That really is remarkable. And to think they do it all on horseback." -<>- At an art gallery, a woman and her 10 year old son were having a tough time choosing between two paintings. They finally chose and went with the autumn themed one. "I see you prefer an autumn scene as opposed to a floral one," said the gallery owner, who happened to be nearby and witnessed the mother-son interaction. "No," said the boy. "This painting is wider, so it'll cover the three holes I put in the wall." -<>- A therapist has a theory that the more often couples make love, the happier they are. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, "How many people here make love 2 to 3 times a week?" Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. "How about once a week?" A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. "Once a month?" A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, "OK, how about once a year?" One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked as this lone aberration disproves his theory. "If you make love only once a year," he asks, "what are you so happy about?" The man yells, "Today's the day!" -<>- A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office and declares, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!" The hypnotherapist shakes his head and says. "Not again..." -<>- "When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist," said my husband's grandfather. Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted, "Now look how much I got. That's what I call an investment!" -<>- My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really...She was attacked by a giant crab. -<>- I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day. -<>- A tour guide was showing a tour group around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar coin across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide, "a dollar went a lot farther in those days." -<>- There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the back and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this here gentleman wants to buy the other half..." The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Canada, Sir." "Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just up-tight, homely women and hockey players up there." "Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!" The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?" -<>- A blind fish with it's seeing eye dog fish! :) () , O -. )', \'._.,-" c '-,_ o ) _,.c cc =[]L] /." ', c __.` -' \('---' '=.____ '-. O \ 0 , \|\_/) \-, |',T( 66,_ o ) '-" \\.___Y) ) ,-.Y _.G snd /-" /.' A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. The man quickly answered. "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Gh0striders :) _________ .`. `. / \ .======.\ | | |______|| | | _____ | | | / / | | | /____/ | | _ | | |/ \|.-"```"-.| `` ||| ||| jgs `"` `" A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?" The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple blocks and turn to your right." The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven." The little boy replied with a chuckle; "Really? You don't even know the way to the Post Office!” -<>- .-""""-._.'| / '.| | / | / | -= | /| ( | |/`< ) ) ( ; -=| _| ) \ \ / ____ /) '._ _.-""-.< .' `\/) / / \ / _ .'`/| _ / | '-._( __\ (__/_/=, ( \| \ -=/ /--;==========` ._,;'\==='-,..__/__/__.' `'--/,/ || ' \ / | / || ' \ \/ . || ; jgs / / || | | . || | / '=------| / ' ; ; ;| `-.___.___.___.___._/ >Remember Slow Food? 'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?' 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.' 'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?' It was a place called 'at Home,'' I explained. 'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it: Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died. My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow), we didn't have a television in our house until I was 11. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people. I was 19 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had. _ _ | |------------| | .-'| | | |`-. .' | | | | `. .-' \ \ / / `-. .' _.| |--------| |._ `. / -. .' | | | | `. .- \ / `( | |________| | )' \ | \ .i------------i. / | | .-')/ \(`-. | \ _.-'.-'/ ________ \`-.`-._ / \.-'_.-' / .-' ______ `-. \ `-._`-./\ `-' / .' .-' _ _`-. `. \ `-' \\ | .' .' _ (3) (2) _`. `. | // / / / (4) ___ (1)_\ \ \ \\ | | | _ ,' `.==' `| | | // | | | (5) | B.T.| (O) | | | // | | | _ `.___.' _ | | | \\ | \ \ (6) _ _ (9) / / | // / `. `. (7) (8) .' .' \ \\ / `. `-.______.-' .' \ // / `-.________.-' \ __// | |--' |================================|hjw "--------------------------------" I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line. Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers--my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6 AM every morning. On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day. Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive. If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren - Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it? MEMORIES from a friend: My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old. How many of these do you remember: -Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. -Ignition switches on the dashboard. -Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall. -Real ice boxes. -Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. -Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. -Using hand signals for cars without turn signals. ,,,,, \ e e\ C _\/ |\\, )\_) \_ / _/|/_ _// ,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \ / \_/ / / , | \_._,-" ( < _' | \ \ ', -',-~.-' _/ ) | |// | ' ' ) | | | | ._., - |.,_ // _\-' )___|__|_ '-._ b'ger /____\__\ Here's an Older Than Dirt Quiz : Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom. 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles 5. Coffee shops or diners with table side jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines on the telephone 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels...[if you were fortunate) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H green stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulb 20. Packards 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt! Right, we’re mostly older than dirt. --- ...HaHa! So true! Thanks Gh0striders! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Why Trump? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump.html Amazing Cop Cars 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Woman Cops Around The World!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womancops.html Humor In Politics 13!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics13.html Police Dogs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/policedogs.html Obama Saga!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/obamasaga.html Rich VS Poor!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/richvspoor.html The Blue Angels!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blueangels.html High Tech Toys 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys2.html Morons at Work 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork3.html IRONIC, Isn't It 2?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony2.html Life's Little Oops 14!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops14.html I Believe..!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html Our Valuable ANCHOR! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html -<>- >Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :) Fun Pages http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559 -<>- >From Franklin Graham: You’re Invited to Pray During Facebook Live Events July 18 and 25 http://tinyurl.com/zbylvxy -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) [I tried to vet this but couldn't find anyone saying yes it is all true or mix or false so give it here for your own take :) For those with short memories and those too young to remember. If you're over 35, you lived through it, so read it and recollect. Amazing to me how much I had forgotten! For those under 35, read this, verify and don't forget. http://truthfeed.com/the-failed-record-of-hillary-clinton/1410/ --- ...Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) New York is home to some of the most famous landscape structures in the world, such as the Brooklyn Bridge and the breathtaking Manhattan Skyline at night. Acclaimed filmmaker, Victor Chu, takes you on a virtual tour through all five boroughs like you've never quite seen before. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9NS7tqhCgQ A wonderful look at some beautiful wild animals set to a wonderful musical soundtrack from Living Music Action. Planet Earth is filled with amazing creatures and wildlife that I never grow tired of watching. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hodomt6bBOw --- ...Beautiful! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In Virginia recently, a computer crash wiped out a decade's worth of U.S. military data. However, this morning, the Chinese government called and said no problem, we backed it up." -Conan O'Brien "Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of 'GQ,' with the headline 'Kim as you've never seen her.' Which I can only assume means in a library?" -Jimmy Fallon "A company has created a line of non-alcoholic wines for cats containing catnip, water, and organic beet juice for owners who want to drink with their pets. Said the cats, "Yeah, I'd love to, but I actually have a thing tonight.'" -Seth Meyers "Police in Georgia are looking for people who stole 400,000 toothpicks from a warehouse. Fortunately, one of the suspects has a clear alibi a tiny piece of spinach in his teeth." -Jimmy Fallon "Researchers at the Center for Tobacco Control at Scotland University are working on an invention: Talking packs of cigarettes that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco. I don't know; that actually might make me START smoking." -Jimmy Kimmel "The British are about to vote on whether to exit the European Union. They call it the Brexit, which, in America, of course is the meal between breakfast and exiting breakfast." -Stephen Colbert "The FDA has approved a device for weight loss that sucks the food out of your stomach through an abdominal incision. Or, you could just try a salad some time." -Conan O'Brien "A Georgia man is facing charges after he tried to enter a Waffle House completely naked. Ugh. Can you imagine? Walking into a Waffle House barefoot?" -Seth Meyers "Fourth of July, of course, is when we celebrate our breaking away from England. And after Brexit last month, it's starting to seem like England can't keep a relationship going." -Conan O'Brien From an undated letter Ben Franklin wrote to a French associate: "We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana, as of a miracle. But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes. Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy!" >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************