The Night Before Election and More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I hope everyone had a Safe and FUN Halloween celebration! , }`-. , , \ \ '-' \ .-'{ _} . | ,`\ / ' ; .-;\ { \ | | / `/ '-.,/ ; | { -- -. ' '`-, .--._.' ; \__ \ \ | ' / |`. ; _,`\ '. '- ' `_- '.`; ; ,-`_.-' ,--. \ ` /` '--' `;.` (` _ .--.\ '._) '-. \ \ `-. ; `-';| '. -. ' __ '. ; ; _,-' / { __'.\ ' '-,/; `-' ';`.- ` .-' '-. `-._' | `; ;`' .-'` <_ -' ` .\ `; ; (_.'`\ _.;-"``"'-._'. `:; ___, _.-' | .-'\'. '.` \ \_,_`\ ;##` `'; _.' /_'._\ \ \__;#####./###. \` \.' .'`/"`/ (#######)###::.. _.' '.' .' ; , |:. `|()##`"""` jgs `'-../__/_\:: /O()()o ()'._.'`()()' We had a wonderful month last month! Lots of great new pages from our many list friends and contributors! If you haven't already, be sure to check these out and pass them on! Thanks Bunches!! Chevy Collection http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html A Woman's Dream http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woman.html Miracle Fawn http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rupert.html Kid Lessons http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidlessons.html Pencil Furniture http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pencilf.html Aww Animals 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals4.html Aww Animals 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals5.html Says It All! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saysitall.html Sweet Baby Overload! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sweetoverload.html *~* THANKS AND {{{HUGS}}} TO ALL OUR CONTRIBUTORS!! -<>- [politics] .. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ .$$$$. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. .$$$$$ * * * * * * * * * * ::::::::::::::::::::::::::. .::::::::' * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$F * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$d$$$$$$$" ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L ;; ;::::::::::::::::;; ;;:::. Donna Shepard $$$$$$" "" $$$$$; ^$$" $$$$ "" Well, tomorrow we go and vote here in the US for our next President. I sent out the last official Politics ezine today. It has been a wild ride. I had no idea I'd get so envolved in this race! I blame the Democrats actually. If they would put out a half-way decent Presidential candidate I'd not get so interested who runs this country. I mean really. Why must they give us a person that is so far to the left as to be considered 'extream' even by their own standards? Do they honestly think people with good morals are going to go for this? Tell me about it..... ...hiiii haaaaaan... \ /\/\ / / / _/,/ / _/` (/"/////, ( '```--.___ /' _), ,- '-. /, / \ (\ \, \_()/ \) )' =_ )) | | | .// _/) ( ( \_ // / \ >_,\ (/)= / | | | \ #\| / |=| |=|\ ( ( (=> ( >( >),) | | |=| \ ( ( / / / / ) |/ \ /_( /_( , || )/.,_ ). /\\_(\,/, //- / /_(_( / ,\. b'ger .- '-'-'-,)\/.')) Here's a good example of what I mean ... >A great one from our Friend Don :) This came from a lady who is trying to do neat things for our service people, like crocheting or knitting blankets for our soldiers, or sending cards and care packages to them. -Why I am voting Democrat????? I'm voting Democrat because Barbara Walters is my idol and so is P. Diddy. I'm voting Democrat because English has no place being the official language in America. I'm voting Democrat because I'd rather pay $4 for a gallon of gas than allow drilling for oil off the coasts of America. I'm voting Democrat because I think the government will do a better job of spending my money than I could. I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq, I know the Islamic terrorists will stop trying to kill us because they'll think we're a good and decent country. I'm voting Democrat because I believe people who can't tell us if it will rain in two or three days, can now tell us the polar ice caps will disappear in ten years if I don't start riding a bicycle, build a windmill or inflate my tires to proper levels. I'm voting Democrat because it's alright to kill millions of babies as long as we keep violent, convicted murderers on death row alive. I'm voting Democrat because I believe businesses in America should not be allowed to make profits. Businesses should just break even and give the rest to the government so politicians and bureaucrats can redistribute the money the way they think it should be redistributed. I'm voting Democrat because I believe guns, and not the people misusing them, are the cause of crimes and killings. I'm voting Democrat because when someone with a weapon threatens my family or me, I know the government can respond faster through a call to 911 than I can with a gun in my hand. I'm voting Democrat because oil companies' 5% profit on a gallon of gas are obscene, but government taxes of 18% on the same gallon of gas are just fine. I'm voting Democrat because I believe three or four elitist liberals should rewrite the Constitution every few months to suit some fringe element that could never get their agenda past voters. I'm voting Democrat because illegal aliens are not criminals, are not sucking up resources through government aid, hospital services, education, or social services, but are just people trying to make a better life by coming to America illegally. We can't blame them for that, can we? I'm voting Democrat because the same teacher that didn't teach my child to read can reasonably educate them about sex. I'm voting Democrat because my trial lawyer's crippling multi-million dollar lawsuits against doctors, hospitals, drug companies, and HMO's will make health insurance and medicine much more affordable. I'm voting Democrat because Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan, and Jesse Jackson will end racism once and for all. I'm voting Democrat because Christians in the Republican Party are intolerant theocratic warmongers. Atheists, like William Ayers, have never hurt anybody. I'm voting Democrat so that no family member of mine will die in a hospital bed. They will still be waiting in line for Obama's socialized medicine, so they will never actually make it into a hospital bed. I'm voting Democrat because I like eminent domain and big business and government kicking me out of my home and taking my land. I'm voting Democrat because everyone knows that raising taxes at the top won't hurt people at the bottom. I'm voting Democrat because skin color and good oratory skills are more important than judgment and experience. I'm voting Democrat because protecting barren wasteland is more important than energy independence. I'm voting Democrat because my college professor told me that America is evil and should give up its place in the world. I'm voting Democrat because I believe that Cuba, Russia, and China should be on the United Nations Human Rights Council. I'm voting Democrat because I believe that everyone is essentially good -- even people like Ahmadinejad who call for the destruction of Israel. He just needs a little understanding. I'm voting Democrat because we should all be forced to drive ugly cars with the horsepower of a riding lawnmower. I'm voting Democrat because I believe in change; although I don't know WHAT the change will be, or HOW it will happen, AND I am pretty sure that I won't WANT to actually change anything I do, but still....I believe in change. I'm voting Democrat because the government knows how to raise children better than parents do. I'm voting Democrat because I want the rich to work harder, give me their money, and pay for my services so I don't have to. AND I am voting Democrat because Acorn told me I should...and signed me up over 100 times and gave me.............. ---- ...AND if you believe all that, I've got a bridge to sell you and lake front property and a house in Disneyland with your name on it! ...*giggles* - Excellent! I love it! Thank You Don!!!!! ================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Mud Baths At The Spa .-""""""-. A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor .' '. tells him, "I have some very bad news / O O \ for you. I'm afraid that you're afflicted : ` : with a fatal and incurable disease." | | So the guy asks, "Well isn't there ANYTHING : .------. : I can do, doc?" \ ' ' / '. .' "Hmmm.... maybe you should go to a spa and jgs '-......-' start taking daily mud baths." The doctor tells the patient. "Mud baths? Will that help me, doc?" "Probably not.... But at least you'll get used to being covered in dirt!" ============================================================== +------------- Bizarre Holidays For November --------------+ November 1 is Plan Your Epitaph Day November 2 is National Deviled Egg Day November 3 is Sandwich Day and Housewife's Day November 4 is Waiting For The Barbarians Day November 5 is Gunpowder Day November 6 is Saxophone Day and Marooned Without A Compass Day November 7 is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day November 8 is Dunce Day November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day ============================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: ___ / \ / O O \ | O | , | | , \/( )\/ | ) ( | |( )| || | |' `| | | | | | | /-' |_.' VK ...Some left Over BOOS Q. Why did the baby ghost go to the doctor before halloween? A. To get a BOOster shot. Q. What kind of ghost haunts a hen house? A. A poultry-geist. Q. Why do ghosts go to baseball games? A. Because they like to boo the umpire. Q. What do you say to a ghost with three heads? A. Hello, hello, hello. Q. What did the baby ghost eat for dinner? A. A boo-loney sandwich. Q. What tops off a ghost's sundae? A. Whipped Scream Q. Where do little ghosts learn to yell "BOO!"? A. In noisery school. Q. What kind of street does a ghost like best? A. A dead end. Q. How do ghosts fly from one place to another? A. By scareplane. Q. What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost? A. Fasten your sheet belt. Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog? A. He's mist Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche? A. At the ghastly station ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Lorraine :) I have no idea who wrote this but I got it in my email. It was to good to pass up and thought you would like it. >The night before Election 'Twas the night before elections And all through the town Tempers were flaring Emotions all up and down! I, in my bathrobe with a cat in my lap Had cut off the TV Tired of political crap. When all of a sudden there arose such a noise I peered out of my window Saw Obama and his boys. They had come for my wallet They wanted my pay To give to the others who had not worked a day! He snatched up my money And quick as a wink Jumped back on his bandwagon As I gagged from the stink He then rallied his henchmen Who were pulling his cart I could tell they were out to tear my country apart! ' On Fannie, on Freddie ,On Biden and Ayers! On Acorn, On Pelosi 'He screamed at the pairs! They took off for his cause And as he flew out of sight I heard him laugh at the nation Who wouldn't stand up and fight! So I leave you to think On this one final note __..._ ,-` `', ,' \ / | ,' , \ ,' ,/-'` \ _ ./ ,.'`/ \ .-` `^\_,.'` / `\__ 7 / / _,._,.,_,.-'.` `\ \A __/ ,-```-`` `, `, ` ,`) ^-` / ` ,/ -ART BY- ( , ,_ ,-,_,<` -ZEUS- \__ T--` `''` ``` _,\ \_/|\_ ,.-` | | _/ | |T\_ _,'Y / +--,_ <``` \_\/_/ `\\_/ / `\ / ,-- ` _,--,_`----` _,,_ \ / ` | <_._._ > ` \ ` \` | | , ` | | V| \ | | |` \ \ / / / \x \_ | /-` / \ `-,| ,/--` /` \x_ \_ /--'` , / \x_ `` ,,/` ` `-,_,-' ,'` _| |`\ ( `-``/``/`_/ `-`-,.-.-` -IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM GET OUT AND VOTE!!!! --- ...TeeHee! I Love It! Thank You Lorraine! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatH to our Ladies Friends :) >You've Been Pinked!!!! (O_/ __ \_O) / (o)__(o) \ (__.--\/--.__) ====(__/\__)==== `--' _||_ /'....'\ | : : | ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| || `..' || ( | || | ) \| || |/ | || | | || | | || | | || | | || | __,-' || '-,__ (___,--'`--,___) dlK Hello, Pretty Lady! You have been hit. You are considered one of the 10 prettiest ladies with a kind, warm and loving heart. If you get hit again you know you're really pretty and kind. If you fail to forward this, you'll have ugliness for 10 years. So hit 10 pretty ladies to let them know they are pretty -- both on the inside and the outside - and that they are loved and cared for. SEND THIS TO PRETTY LADIES, TO BRIGHTEN THEIR DAY, INCLUDING THE ONE WHO SENT IT TO YOU! REMIND LADIES TO BE INFORMED, AWARE AND BE CHECKED FOR THEIR HEALTH'S SAKE. TELL THEM THAT NO ONE WANTS TO LOSE THEM - AFTER ALL, THEY ARE PRETTY LADIES WITH KIND, WARM L OVING HEARTS.. All you are asked to do is keep this circulating (even if to one person). In memory of anyone you know that has been struck by cancer --- ...How Sweet! I love PINK! Especial Hot Pink! Thank's PatH! That would be in memory of my Mom and sister and several friends. ================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [politics] >From Our Friend Flameon :) Obama's prime-time ad skips over budget realities - Yahoo! News http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081030/ap_on_el_ge/fact_check_obama_ad >From Liberty Counsel: I have recorded a special audio message for you on the importance of your vote in this election. Please go here to listen: http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?U=13106&CID=293&RID=18134714 + + Forward to your pastor and friends >From CCA: Next Tuesday, Americans will go the polls and cast ballots in the most important election in our lifetime. It is critical that Americans know where the candidates stand on the issues BEFORE THEY VOTE – and Christian Coalition’s voter guides help do just that. Christian Coalition voter guide download page now... http://www.cc.org/webform/voter_guides >From AFA: Go here for their voter guides: http://www.afa.net/08VG/index.html Go here for News and polls: http://www.afa.net/ >From AARP: Important Information Regarding Issue 5. Please read before voting on Nov. 4. "Let me be clear. Payday lenders are not providing our Marines with a service. They are parasites, bottom feeders and scumbags." --Quote from Major General Mike Lehnert, Commander of Marine Corp Bases (West) Our nation's top military officials have acknowledged that payday lending is a serious threat to the brave men and women who put their lives on the line for our nation. After years of complaints from base commanders and military credit counselors from around the country, the Defense Department asked Congress to cap payday loan interest rates, stating in an official report: "Predatory lending undermines military readiness, harms the morale of troops and their families, and adds to the cost of fielding an all volunteer fighting force." As a result, Congress adopted a federal interest rate cap and other protections on payday loans to military families to ensure the nation's well-being. Ohio's elected leaders are doing the same. Earlier this year, Republican Speaker Husted, Republican Senate President Bill Harris and Democratic Governor Strickland fought and won legislation that lowered payday lenders' interest rates from 391% APR to 28 percent with the bi-partisan support of the Ohio House and Ohio Senate. "We see everyday... [soldiers and sailors] who have come in and fallen into the Venus Flytrap of the payday lending problem, and it has literally destroyed their lives." --Admiral Charles Abbot, President, Navy-Marrine Corps Relief Society Yes on Issue 5: 391% APR was too high for our military families, and it's too high for all of our families! Please Forward This Email to Everyone You Know in Ohio. For more information go to: http://www.yesonissue5.com/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: _*_ ....iiooiioo __/_|_\__ [(o)_R_(o)] fe -- Police: Man ended lengthy chase in comfort -------- BOCA RATON, Fla. - A man who led police officers on a lengthy chase at high speeds through three Florida counties ended the chase sitting in a patio chair, police allege. Police alleged after officers chased the man, whose identity wasn't released, from Miami to Palm Beach County on suspicion of robbery, the man suddenly pulled into a driveway and sat in a nearby patio chair to await capture, The Miami Herald reported. Police officers hot on the man's trail quickly arrested the relaxing suspect Wednesday on charges related to two robberies in Miami. Portions of the high-speed chase that ended in Boca Raton, Fla., were captured by area TV stations. -- 14,000 pub visits earn men world record ---------- BIRMINGHAM, England - Four British men now own the record for the world's longest pub crawl after visiting 14,000 different pubs, one of the new record holders says. West Bromwich resident Peter Hill said he visited a record 14,000 different pubs in Britain and the Republic of Ireland since 1984 with his friends John Drew, Karl Bradley and Joe Hill, The Daily Telegraph said. The 52-year-old said when the four men first began their pub crawl more than two decades ago, it was just for "a bit of fun." "It turned from being a bit of fun to a serious hobby," Hill said. "We have raised thousands of pounds for local hospitals though which has made it all worthwhile." After officially earning a spot in the Guinness Book of Records last week, the foursome's lengthy bar tab showed they bought an estimated 84,000 pints of ale. Hill told the Telegraph that his drinking group had once been made up of 20 participants, but marriages helped thin the herd to the final four record holders. -- Woman guilty of one-eyed drunken driving --------- OREBRO, Sweden - A woman in central Sweden who alleged she drove with one eye closed to avoid double vision is guilty of drunken driving, a court has ruled. A court has convicted the woman, whose identity wasn't revealed, on drunken driving charges after she told police she had been driving with one eye closed to counteract seeing double while intoxicated, The Local said. The incident occurred last summer near Osternarke, Sweden, when police attempted to pull the woman over for alleged erratic driving. Police claimed the woman's vehicle was swerving across all lanes on the road. The woman then didn't pull over for the police in pursuit for nearly 2 miles, police said. The Local said it was then the woman offered her one-eyed defense for her illegal blood-alcohol level while driving, a motion than helped earn her a two-month prison sentence during a later court date. `. ---)..( ||||(,o) ptr "`'" \__/ -- Man's dog gets card to vote ---------------- ALBUQUERQUE - An Albuquerque man said he was shocked to receive a voter registration card for his dog after he jokingly filled out a form at Wal-Mart. Don Pizzolato said he filled out a voter registration form for his dog, Tuckup Koepke, with a phony birth date and Social Security number, the Albuquerque Journal reported. However, Pizzolato said he never expected the form to result in an actual voter registration for his dog. He received a card for the canine only weeks after filling out the form. "I fully expected the form to be returned to me," Pizzolato said. He said he feared the situation was symptomatic of a larger problem that could lead to voter fraud. "I just have one data point to go off of, but in my opinion, if it's this easy to thwart the system, I'm sure it's not an isolated case," he said. Pizzolato said Tuckup Koepke will not be voting in the upcoming election. County Clerk Maggie Toulouse Oliver contacted law enforcement officials after reading about the matter on a Web site. Voter registration fraud is a fourth- degree felony in New Mexico, the Journal said. =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Don :) >[Et-Ahem!] Forrest Gump Explains Mortgage Backed Securities _ _ _ | | | | | | ___ | |__ ___ ___ ____ | |__ ___ | | / _|| _ \ / _ \ / _| / _ || _ \ / _ \ | | ----( (_-| |-\ |( (_) )( (_-( (_| || |-\ ||( (_) )| |------ \___||_| |_| \___/ \___| \____||_| |_| \___/ |_| Mortgage Backed Securities are like boxes of chocolates. Criminals on Wall Street stole a few chocolates from the boxes and replaced them with turds. Their criminal buddies at Standard & Poor rated these boxes AAA Investment Grade chocolates. These boxes were then sold all over the world to investors. Eventually somebody bites into a turd and discovers the crime. Suddenly nobody trusts American chocolates anymore worldwide. Hank Paulson now wants the American taxpayers to buy up and hold all these boxes of turd-infested chocolates for $700 billion dollars until the market for turds returns to normal. Meanwhile, Hank's buddies, the Wall Street criminals who stole all the good chocolates, are not being investigated, arrested, or indicted. Mama always said: "Sniff the chocolates first, Forrest". --- ...OK... Thanks Don! And here I thought it was all about a bunch of greedy people giving hot air to a bunch of people with no right to be putting their hot air in the economy balloon. Greedy people giving just 'any body' rights to blow up our balloon caused it to be super over inflated and now its blowing hot air back at everybody. Oh, But hey, maybe it is turds um, err chocolate. *Shrugs* _ _ _ | | | | | | ___ | |__ ___ ___ ____ | |__ ___ | | / _|| _ \ / _ \ / _| / _ || _ \ / _ \ | | ----( (_-| |-\ |( (_) )( (_-( (_| || |-\ ||( (_) )| |------ \___||_| |_| \___/ \___| \____||_| |_| \___/ |_| /) (\ *happy sigh* ((,,,)) / ,//((((((\\. I've always been addicted ((( ^ ^ ))) To chocolate in all forms )))) - (((( I know it's really wicked but (()(\ )-( /))() I've fallen for its charms ))))/`-\~\'(((( ((( \/==\_\ <---- cadbury's { `. `-j \ |\__/ \__/| |__________| I just can't get my fill of ) ( That sweetly sticky stuff ( . )<--flump's It makes me go all flabby but |`--------'|choccy belly I just can't get enough |-' L `-| _____________,-,_ _ _ See, when outside it's freezing |____ { {]_]_] [_] And inside you're all blue |___ `-----.__\ \_]_]_ . ` When the day won't go your way | `-----.____} }]_]_]_ , Only chocolate will do |_____________/ {_]_]_]_] , ` `-' .-----------. |.---------.| _ _ || || ______ {>|_|<} )\ ||_________|| (_____()8oo. (__) ;-----------; I've tried all sorts of chocolate .':O8OoOo8oo.'| White, and milk and plain - .';OoO8oO8oo.' / From every place and country - |"""""""""""| / Belgian, Swiss and Mayan. |__BonBons__|/ ( ) ; And then there's chocolate coatings ;)( ; On nuts and creams and fudge :----: o8Oo./ Not to mention cocoa pops C|====| ._o8o8o8Oo_. And sweet hot chocolate sludge | | \========/ `----' `------' __________ | / j |/ /_\ If it's chocolate I'll eat it | |"""| It gives me such a buzz | |---| There is no drug to beat it | `-.-'<-. Would I take it if there was? | ) | | ( cocoa infusion `. ` \/ ! \/ , .' I fear that this addiction > _ _ <- Is never going to stop - > |_)_ |_)| < - I eat so many choccies _ > .| (_)| o. <- That one day I'm going to pop! ' \ ` _ ' > /\ > /\ . .' ! : ` -<>- >The CORRECT PresidentialPlatform! I WISH WE HAD A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!! I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE. HERE IS MY PLATFORM: (1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can. (2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' (3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it. (4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens. (5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will be able to touch it. (6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade. (7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life. (8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc. (9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil. (10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause. (11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress. (12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc. Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes GOD BLESS AMERICA! Bill Cosby Please Forward This to Everyone you know, no matter which side of the fence they're on. --- ...Yeah Baby! TeeHee! Thanks Don! Gotta Love Cosby! ================================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown CHURCH SECURITY- SPECIAL BULLETIN There is now intelligence that has uncovered a new wave of church terrorists sent out to replace those captured yesterday. These new terrorist are believed to be brothers of those taken on Monday, October 22, 2001. Intelligence believes the brothers names are; Bin Gossip, Bin Critical, Bin Absent and Bin Sour. The fear is, they are already in place in many area churches. Intelligence also fears that there is ever more brothers in this wicked family just waiting for orders to invade. Since our first report we have been notified by a number of CHURCH BOARD'S that they have identified four additional suspected terrorists working in different churches. Three of the four have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. The Associate Pastor advised us that it is very difficult to find anyone fitting the description of the fourth cell member: Bin Workin, in most churches. However, he is confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot. Stayed tuned for more updates from; CHURCH SECURITY... Pastor Keeley Anna First Church of the Nazarene More Terrorists Found - Churches Beware! An additional group of 10 terrorists have been newly discovered, only this time, operating out of the churches across America. Identified by security specialists earlier today, the following have been confirmed to be secretly undermining the work of the gospel in the United States. They have been identified as: Bin lying, Bin Sleeping, Bin Arguing, Bin Fighting, Bin Complaining, Bin Missing, Bin Procrastinating, Bin Backsliding, and Bin non-tithing. The ring leader is no other than Bin Lucifer, who has trained these operatives very well. They are out to destroy the body of Christ. Their strategy is always the same: covertly infiltrate the local churches disguised as Christians, pretend to love the Lord but secretly sow seeds of discord, criticism, discouragement, doubt and other sins among the congregation. If any of these terrorists are seen operating in your church, immediately report them to your pastor and pray for revival. From Bro. Luis J. Castillo, -<>- Funerals My boss' son is five years old. He attended his first funeral with his family. I saw him on Sunday and asked him what he thought of it. His answer, "She was already dead when we got there." ***** I read your story about the small child saying, "Night-night" to a body at the funeral home. It reminded me of our small daughter. We took her to view her great-grandmother, and she asked, "Why did they put Great-grandma in a jewelry box?" ***** My friend Linda, her sister, and I were driving in the procession to the cemetery for the funeral of a distant relative. "Since we don't really know anybody, do you want to head on home?" she asked. When her sister nodded, Linda made a right turn. She had gotten about a quarter of a mile down the road when she happened to look in her rear-view mirror. The rest of the procession was still following us! --RD -<>- >Lessons in Origins from Microsoft From BreakPoint with Charles Colson In one aisle, the local computer store sells a single CD for between $99 and $299. In the next aisle, they carry multi-pack CDs for less than a dollar per disc. Why the drastic price discrepancy? They're both made of the same plastic. The difference is, of course, that the cheap compact discs are blank -- while the expensive ones are encoded with various versions of Microsoft's new Windows XP operating system. The analogy for explaining the difference is the chemist who calculated the value of the chemicals in his body. Computing the cost of the carbon, iron, calcium, and the other elemental chemicals on the periodic table of the elements -- he found his body was worth ninety-seven cents. But that's not the way the chemicals appear in living bodies. When he calculated the value of the hemoglobin, insulin, and other complex organic compounds that actually composed his body, he realized he was worth more than $6 million! That's what the body's programming does. It's information technology from the DNA, which is why many scientists are now talking about Intelligent Design of the body. When I was in high school, my science teacher said everything consisted of matter and energy. Now scientists know better. Caltech president and Nobel laureate David Baltimore says, "Modern biology is a science of information," noting that DNA is matter that is alive because it contains complex informational codes. But Dr. Baltimore thinks the DNA software wrote itself. Last year, shortly before the White House announced completion of the preliminary mapping of the human genome, Baltimore wrote in the New York Times, "It will take many decades to fully comprehend the magnificence of the DNA edifice . . . held in the nucleus of each cell of the body . . ." Yet, he says, even our limited understanding confirms that human genes "look much like those of fruit flies, worms, and even plants. . . . [W]e are all descended from the same humble beginnings . . . That should be, but won't be, the end of creationism." Now let's think about that for a moment. Deciphering DNA and the human genome is very similar to what computer scientists call "reverse engineering." They take a software program and work backwards to find out how it was written. Can you imagine anyone reverse engineering the new Microsoft software, and concluding that natural processes put it together? Does Windows XP somehow prove that Bill Gates or his engineers don't exist? I don't think so. Yet some materialists explain the complexities of nature by ingenious intellectual headstands to avoid recognizing an Intelligent Designer. Former atheist Dr. J. Budziszewski remembers the efforts he expended in that direction, and summarizes, "There are certain forms of stupidity that one has to be highly intelligent and educated to commit." The person who tries to dodge the conclusion of Intelligent Design, is like the customer who tries to convince himself that Windows XP wrote itself -- and therefore he needn't be concerned about copyright rules. If we have a Creator, we're accountable to him -- and some people prefer to avoid that concclusion. The recent release of Windows XP illustrates the concept of intelligent design. If Windows XP points to Bill Gates, how much more do the marvelous complexities of DNA point directly to God, the great Intelligent Designer? Copyright (c) 2001 Prison Fellowship Ministries =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: '-. '-. _____ .-._ | '. : .. | : '-._+ | .-' / \ .'i--i / \ .-'_/____\___ .-' : fsc: As an engineer in an upscale hotel, I was asked to repair or replace the television in a guest room. When I arrived, the couple was watching a picture one-third the size of the screen. I knew all our spare sets were in use, so I figured what the heck: I struck the side of the TV with the heel of my hand. Just my luck the picture returned to full size. "Look, honey," said the wife to her husband. "He went to the same repair school as you." -<>- Sitting at a stoplight, I was puzzling over the meaning of the vanity plate on the car in front of me. It read "Innie." Then I got it. The make of the car was Audi. -<>- My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were driving through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?" -<>- An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" _...._ .'.o' o.'. /o o .o' o'\ |'.o 'o. o'.o| |o. o' o 'o .| \ o .o.'o'./ '._o__o_.' \ / Golf is the key! || || || || || jgs || \/ The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my father's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning. That's why he's still alive, he's a golfer." The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old." The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married." The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?" ^ | | @#####@ (### ###)-. .(### ###) \ / (### ###) ) (=- .@#####@|_--" /\ \_|l|_/ (\ (=-\ |l| / The old timer shot back, \ \.___|l|___/ /\ |_| / (=-\._________/\ "Who said he wanted to?" \ / \._________/ # ---- # # __ # \########/ unknown -<>- A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions. "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?" The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two." "Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping." -<>- My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display. After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided. She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground." After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue." =========================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ** INFLUENCE/ASSOCIATION ** There are two parts to influence: First, influence is powerful; and second, influence is subtle. You wouldn't let someone push you off course, but you might let someone nudge you off course and not even realize it. We need a variety of input and influence and voices. You cannot get all the answers to life and business from one person or from one source. Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association. Don't spend most of your time on the voices that don't count. Tune out the shallow voices so that you will have more time to tune in the valuable ones. "No" puts distance between you and the wrong influence. ** -<>- ** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** ** I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success. - George Burns ============== ** I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. - Henry Moore, Artist and Sculptor ============== ** If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. ============== ** Patience is the companion of wisdom. ============== ** If you can give your children only one gift, let it be Enthusiasm! - Bruce Barton, Advertising Executive, US Congressman ============== ** The only thing of value we can give kids is what we are, not what we have. - Leo Buscaglia ============== ** Confidence is a lot of this game or any game. If you don't think you can, you won't. - Jerry West ============== ** Courtesy is the one coin you can never have too much of or be stingy with. - John Wanamaker, Merchant -<>- ** We Can Fight ** We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the General has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." ** Would you Be Scared ** I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date." ** 1 in 359 ** During a field exercise at Camp Lejeune, N.C., my sqad was on a night patrol through some thick brush. Halfway through, we realized we'd lost our map. The patrol navigator informed us, "Our odds are 1 in 359 that we'll get out of here." "How did you come up with that?" someone asked. "Well," he replied, "one of the degrees on the compass has to be right." -<>- .---. /_____\__ .===. _ _ `\/6.6\/--` / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ ( _ ) \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ,'---', ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. / _ \ _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ /\/ (_) \/\ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) \ | (_) | / /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( \| |/ \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) |_____| \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ | | | | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) | | | |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ \__|__/ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ |_|_| |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) ** "From The Mouths Of Babes.." ** (Posted From LadyHawke) ** "Close the curtains," requested our 2 year old granddaughter, sitting in a pool of bright light. "The sun's looking at me too hard." ** My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5." ** Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, "Mommy, it's raining dumplings!" ** As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dishtowel, my granddaughter observed, "Maybe he thinks you're surrendering." ** A friend's grandson, 4, was reading with his granddad about Adam and Eve. He asked, "Is this where G~d took out the man's brain and made a woman?" ** Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, "You mean he has a mustache?" ** When I asked our grandson if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "Capital F!" ** While shampooing our son, 4, I noted his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much." ** My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, "Oh, it's going to the tire-o-practor?" ** Impressed by her 5-year-old's vocabulary, my friend complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded, " I have words in my head I haven't even used yet." ** His Mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to get a little sun. "But Mommy, he gulped, "You already have a son. Me!" ** When our son asked about two look-alike classmates at school, we told him they were probably twins. The next day, he came home from school all bubbly and said, "Guess what! They are not only twins....they're brothers -<>- ** Why I'm Not Married Yet ** | -+- _ _|_ {@} _|=|_ /___\ /(")\ (") .---'-'---. /((~))\/\ _ .-. /___________\ ~~/@\~~\|_|/ ((_)) | A /^\ A | / \ ||| ((_)) '-' | |"| | /~@~@~\ ||| '-' ldb_|___|_|___|_____/_______\|||___Not Me Oh Lord!___ ** You haven't asked yet. ** I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. ** Because I just love hearing this question. ** Just lucky, I guess. ** It gives my mother something to live for. ** I'm waiting until I get to be your age. ** It didn't seem worth a blood test. ** I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. ** Because I think it would take all the fun out of dating. ** My co-op board doesn't allow spouses. ** I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. ** I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness. ** What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? ** I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck. ** Why aren't you thin? ** I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation. ** (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant. -<>- ** What Is It? ** Salt Lake City (AP) The University of Utah delayed football practice last Thursday for nearly two hours. One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Ron McBride immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when FBI Special Agents decided that the team would not likely encounter the substance again. -<>- _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb ** My Blonde Girlfriend ** Back in the early 90's, when I was living in Las Vegas, I'd purchased a brand new 25" television. My roommate and I had set it up and were playing around with the fancy remote control when my roommate's girlfriend Kate came over. I was seated at the end of the couch, with my arm hanging over the edge, my hand clutching the remote control completely out of Kate's sight. My roommate decided to play with her mind, and promptly announced that the TV was "voice-activated." Kate, obviously, didn't believe him. He said, "TV: Volume up." Without missing a beat, I hit the volume up button on the remote, and it went up a few notches. My roommate then proceeded to "issue" the TV a series of commands. This lasted for about five minutes, and Kate was getting more and more amazed at this "incredible invention!" They left for dinner, and I forgot about the whole thing until the next afternoon. I came home from work and found Kate standing in front of the TV, visibly angry, shouting at the TV: "ON! ON! TV! ON!" Taking pity on her, I said, "Kate? Here..." and handed her the remote. She took it, glared at it and promptly shouted "ON!" directly into the remote as if it were a microphone. -<>- ** Booming Pulpit ** Waxing eloquent on the dangers of sinning, one dynamic young preacher boomed to the congregation from the pulpit: "Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have sinned and are unrepentant, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mouf!" -<>- ** Only At Caarolina ** A UNC professor with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment. "What happened" asked the doctor. "Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ball game on TV," began the man. "She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron." The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the other ear?" "Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the man, "when the same guy called again." -<>- _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb ** Blonde UNC Student Taking Finals ** A UNC student reported for her university final examination which consisted of "yes/no" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what was going on. Her reply was "I finished the exam in half and hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers." -<>- ** Daffynitions ** Twenty Something -- The cost of a sitter for Saturday night. Fancy Restaurant -- One that serves cold soup on purpose. College -- The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. Hors D'oeuvres -- A sandwich cut into 20 pieces. Kissing -- A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other. Emergency Numbers -- Police station, Fire Department and Places that deliver. -<>- ** Good Advice ** The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven." -<>- _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb ** Codes For Blondes ** The other day, I went to the local disco, and I showed the doorman my driver's license and one of the wheels off my car. He asked what the wheel was for. I said, "the guy on the radio said you were checking . . . ID's and a tire." -<>- ** My Favorite Cookies ** An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist, chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula. "Why?" he whispered. "Why did you do that?" "They're for the funeral." ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/Your Sweet Smile http://silverandgoldandthee.net/GC/Sun.html Judy w/ When You Thought I Wasn't Looking http://tinyurl.com/6jzdge Where Do You Go http://www.carolspoetry.com/wheredo.html Thanksgiving and Turkey Animated gifs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html Pat's Fall Graphics http://www.patswebgraphics.com/fall/fall.html Vector Graphics http://www.codeproject.com/dotnet/vgclock.asp Kidnap http://www.buffaloschips.com/72234.htm Kitchen Oil Fire http://www.buffaloschips.com/72235.htm Delivery http://www.buffaloschips.com/61601.htm Global Warming http://www.buffaloschips.com/61602.htm Slimfast http://www.buffaloschips.com/41255.htm Sir http://www.buffaloschips.com/41254.htm Taliban Singles http://www.buffaloschips.com/41253.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "It's fall - harvest festival time! I've only grown one plant in my life, and I'd rather not talk about it... for legal reasons." -Craig Ferguson Just six days from today, we'll know for sure exactly which candidate will be suing the other for voter fraud." -Jay Leno "Yesterday in Washington, the Secret Service arrested a man who climbed over the White House fence. The Secret Service told the man, 'Get back here, Mr. President, you have two more months.'" -Conan O'Brien "I don't have any kids. Well, at least none that I know about. I'd like to have kids one day, though. I want to be called Mommy by somebody other than Spanish guys in the street." --Carol Leifer Most people are unwilling to sell their souls; but they usually aren't opposed to renting them out for an hour or two. "My wife finally convinced me to sign what's called a living will. It's a document that gives her the right, if I become attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life. So yesterday, I'm on the excercise bike..." -Jonathan Katz >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************