The Story Behind Rudolph And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our First super hottie is from our friends Brenda, Bunni, and Geniann. It is one sure to give you some smiles for your day. Give it time to load and check it out here... .-"''-. _ .' `( \ @/ ') ,--,__,-" / / \ / / _/ __| , |/ / .~ `\ / \ , | / .~ `\ ` / _/ _/ .~ `\ ~~`__/ / ~ `--'/ / / / / /' /jgs Making A Baby http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/makeababy.html --- ...Such a cute one! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Two Free Tickets To The Show _ mMm _[_]_ A young couple got married and went away on /(")\ (") their honeymoon. After two weeks they came //)^(\\//:\\ back and finally put away all of the presents /(/&@&\\/|~|/ they received from friends and family. Since / /-~`~-\ ||| this was a new home, the process took some `/ \||| time. `----------'-- The silver went into the closet, items were put on the walls for display and some of the more intimate apparel was put in the bedroom drawers. A week later, they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this. Inside the envelope, however, was only a small piece of paper with a single line. "Guess who sent them." The pair had much fun trying to identify the donor, but failed in the effort. They went to the theatre, and had a wonderful time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value. And on the bare table in the dining-room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets: "Now you know!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 16 is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day More December 17 is Underdog Day and National Maple Syrup Day December 18 is National Roast Suckling Pig Day December 19 is Oatmeal Muffin Day December 20 is Games Day December 21 is Look At The Bright Side Day, National Flashlight Day, National French Fried Shrimp Day, and Hamburger Day December 22 is National Date-Nut Bread Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: aa aaa aaaaaaaa aa aaaa p aaaaaaaa p aaaaaa aa aa a::::aa aa aaa a::::::a db db aa aaaa aa::::::::aa a a,'~', aa aaaa ::::::::::aa a \ a ) )'), ,aaaa aaaa ::::::::aa a ( ( ( ( ( aaa aa ::::::::a ) ) ) ~_ ,)' aa `` aa :::::: ,( ( ( m ', aa , `` .:::, aa :: ,) ) ))' \) aa sssss ::::: aaa : ( ( )( , ; aa ss :::: aaaa :) ( ) `' aaaaa sss ::ss aaaa ( )' (``` p aa , ss::: aaaa ,'',. ',q _ aa ssss `` aaaap'~`~'q---',q __\\ Samwise aa sss ``` aaap ', q'(x) // ,' --=~(@)~=-- aa p ' p // ~ / aaa q // ,'.', p ' ,``\ ', >Bad Day Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had not only left it running, but had locked it! The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom. I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..." "I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can unlock my van with a broom." "No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your shirt is on inside out." -<>- >Economic Pressure Faced with economic pressures and in an attempt to remain profitable, many commercial offices are cutting back on costs wherever possible. At one particular office, employees are taking management's belt-tightening orders seriously. "I'm taking two cups of coffee instead of five a day from the office kitchen," said one of the workers. "I'm only taking home half the office supplies I used to," another worker noted. -<>- >In Great Detail One day, at the dry-cleaning shop of a local Air Force Base, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed. When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?" "Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for show-and- tell." -<>- >Old Cast Iron Tub I purchased a Jacuzzi tub to replace the old cast iron tub in our upstairs bath. We got the 300-lb tub out of the bathroom and then decided to gently lower it down our wood staircase to get it outside. We wrapped a blanket around the legs at the upper end of the tub so my wife could guide that end with a firm hold on the blanket. I was to be at the lower end of the tub. Well, all was going fine until one of the stair nosings broke, causing the tub to jerk and get away from us. (Note for the curious: a "nosing" is that part of the stair tread that extends slightly over the vertical part of the next step). It started careening down the stairs, and to avoid being bowled over, I hopped into the tub and rode it all the way down. It broke all the nosings before smashing into the wall at the bottom of the stairs. Luckily my wife and I both made it through without a scratch. Unfortunately our remodeling project grew by leaps and bounds. When I told my father the story, he said we should have left the tub in place, broken it up with a sledgehammer and then carried down the pieces. -<>- >Windshield The driver of a car with an ice-covered windshield had several near-accidents before being stopped by a police car. "Don't you think it would help if you cleaned the ice off the windshield?" the officer asked. "I don't think so," was the reply. "I left my glasses at home." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) THE ELEPHANT The elephant's got ___.---.___ a long trunk, he uses to .' ( ) '. get a drink. I can think ) /)' '( ) of one more use for it. ',_( ';-;'\_,' To check his |-| /(feet)\ (") (( don't)) stink !Well I had a go! PjP >SMILES Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs? A: To avoid the draft. Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. ------- In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court. At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed. "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination." "Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried." "How's that?" the lawyer asked. "I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit! -------- "Open wider," requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good grief!" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen -- the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo! ------- Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the elevator at the Ritz Hotel in NYC As the car traveled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a $100 dollar bill lying on the lift's floor. Which one picked up the $100 bill, and handed it in at reception desk? Santa of course, the other two don't actually exist! --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- ______ _.' _..._\ _/ .'_..._ ' .' / /.'==..=\: '._\ \\ O _O<' _/_/ ._'._).'_ / \_/ .=== \ \ \ | / | \ \ \ | |/ '-._ | . / '.\ / wtx \__\ >Politically Correct Santa Poem (Author Unknown) 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves", "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened". And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolph was suing over unauthorized use of his nose And had gone on Jerry Springer, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific. No candy or sweets... they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football... someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, But you've got to be careful with that word today! His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found. Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right. So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth." --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >Two Lessons on Irony! Irony 1. We are told NOT TO judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics." BUT on the other hand. "We are also encouraged TO judge ALL Gun Owners by the actions of a few lunatics." How is that supposed to work.....?????? Irony 2. The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 47 million people as of the most recent figures available in 2013. Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us "Please Do Not Feed the Animals." Their stated reason for the policy is because "The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves." Thus ends today's two lessons on irony --- ...Truth be told. Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Have you ever heard the phrase, "One good turn deserves another"? This does not always apply. Maybe a better philosophy would be, "Don't bring home stray dogs, especially if you are a paraplegic who likes to sleep in the nude." This particular paraplegic apparently had a soft spot in his heart for a small, white, fluffy stray he had taken in about three weeks earlier. The dog repaid the kindness by eating one of his testicles while he slept. He was awakened by a "burning pain" in his mid-section, according to the initial police report. The 39-year-old man told police he sleeps in the nude and noticed the dog was between his legs. He also noticed the dog had blood on its muzzle and front feet. When the man looked further, according to the report, he noticed that "the dog had eaten one of his testicles." Police took the dog to a local veterinarian where it was euthanized and tested for rabies. The man, in a move that proves the universe has a perverse sense of humor, was taken to St. Bernards Regional Medical Center where he was treated for his injuries. *-- Georgia woman recovering from toilet-seat glue pranks --* ATLANTA - A Georgia woman said it would have been a better idea to have the toilet seat she was glued to removed by a doctor rather than the paramedics who used WD-40. Illyanna De La Keur said she was recovering from several skin tears after a rescue crew spent several minutes trying to free her from the restroom at a Home Depot where unknown pranksters spread glue on the toilet seat. "I couldn't understand why they weren't just taking me to an emergency room and having a doctor remove it," De La Keur told WSB-TV, Atlanta. De La Keur said she was stuck for about an hour during the incident late last month at the Home Depot in Banks County. She was left not only embarrassed but also still in pain. The woman's sister, Aleera Canino, agreed the ambulance crew should have opted for the safe route and taken Illyanna to the emergency room, seat and all. "She wasn't in her right state of mind to OK an experiment on her," Canino told WSB. "It worked, but I don't think she should have been there." *-- Sock monkey's 2-inch gun confiscated by TSA agent --* ST. LOUIS - A Washington state woman said a 2-inch-long toy gun for a cowboy-themed sock monkey was seized by Transportation Security Administration agents in Missouri. Phyllis May of Redmond said she and her husband were preparing to fly from St. Louis to the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport when one of her bags was pulled aside by a TSA agent, KING-TV, Seattle, reported Tuesday. May, who has a business selling sock monkey dolls, said the agent took issue with a small replica pistol belonging to "Rooster Monkburn," a cowboy-themed sock monkey named in tribute to the character from "True Grit." "She said 'this is a gun,'" May said. "I said no, it's not a gun it's a prop for my monkey." "She said 'If I held it up to your neck, you wouldn't know if it was real or not,' and I said 'really?'" May said. May said she was eventually allowed to board the plane with the rest of the items in her bag, mostly sewing supplies. "Rooster Monkburn has been disarmed so I'm sure everyone on the plane was safe," she said. "I understand she was doing her job but at some point doesn't common sense prevail?" The TSA issued a statement Monday. "TSA officers are dedicated to keeping the nation's transportation security systems safe and secure for the traveling public. Under longstanding aircraft security policy, and out of an abundance of caution, realistic replicas of firearms are prohibited in carry-on bags," the statement read. *-- 'Well dressed grandmas' steal cookies in motel heist --* DOUGLAS, Mich. - The manager of a Michigan motel said a trio of "well-dressed grandmas" were behind the theft of more than 100 cookies baked for a contest. Rusty Ross, general manager of the Blue Star Motel in Douglas, said the cookies were made for a "best cookie" competition among 18 local motels, but the Blue Star's first foray into competitive cookies was canceled when three women pulled off a heist, WZZM-TV, Grand Rapids, reported Tuesday. "A spritz butter cookie is what it was," Ross said. "A group of ladies showed up. One of the ladies asked if they could see a room, so I showed her the room." Ross said the other two women made off with the cookies while he was showing the room. He said the woman who asked to see the room left without booking a reservation or even giving her name. "If it was kids, maybe you'd say it was funny because the kids took it, but these were well-dressed grandmas, older-looking women," he said. Police are investigating and Ross said the motel is offering a free stay to anyone who offers information leading to the suspects. *-- N.J. man wakes up from 10-hour sleep with knife in back --* TRENTON, N.J. - A New Jersey man awoke from a 10-hour sleep with an aching back only to be told by his brother the cause was a 5-inch knife blade stuck in it, police said. The 42-year-old Trenton man not only was expected to survive but to be out of the hospital in short order, Trenton police said. The unidentified victim, who had been drinking, was stabbed when he got into a fight on his porch about 2 a.m. Sunday, went to sleep without realizing he was wounded and woke up hurting but still unaware of his predicament, police Lt. Mark Kieffer said. "And his brother said he had a knife blade protruding from his back," Kieffer said. The victim was "very uncooperative" when investigators tried to interview him at the hospital, Kieffer told the Times of Trenton. The assailant, who fled during the fight, had not been caught, police said. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) ________________________________________________ /\______________________________________________/`-. <()>____________________________________________< ## \/______________________________________________\,-' unknown >Tips: If you rarely use pencils as writing utensils, they can still be helpful around the home. Take a look at some creative use ideas for pencils and erasers: Remove Sticker Gunk: don't worry about using a special cleaner to get sticker gunk off of a surface. Just rub it with a pencil eraser to get rid of the residue. Mend a Stubborn Zipper: if a zipper won't zip up, just run your pencil eraser along the teeth of the zipper. It should be work again without fuss. Stop Tilted Pictures: prevent hung pictures from tilting by gluing a few small pieces of an eraser to the bottom corners of the backs of the frames. --- ...Great ideas! Thanks Fran! =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) __ /\ ) OO\ ) _ l C ) ..; (\O ( ) (O b-^ (_\(___) ___/__/--^\_____/ \_VJ__ >Mother's Comments The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas... Things I've learned from my boys (honestand not kidding): A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4inches deep. If you sprayhair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they canignite. A 3-year old Boy'svoice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. If you hook a dogleash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 poundBoy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however,if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft.room. You should not throw baseballs up when theceiling fan is on. (When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw theball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball along way.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by aceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's alreadytoo late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year oldman says they can only do it in the movies. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. Super glue is forever. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk onwater. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercialsshow they do. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. Those who pass this on to almost all oftheir friends, with or without boys do it because: a) For those with no children - this istotally hysterical! b) For those who alreadyhave children past this age, this is hilarious. c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny. d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: |\ | \ | ____________ ____________ | / O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ | |____________| |____________| | | ____________ || | | || ||| | | || ]||| | | /\ ____ || ||| | _______ | [| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| | __|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___| When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra." -<>- My husband David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!" "Don't worry," David replied, "Maintenance should be sending somebody." "They did," said the voice. -<>- The heaviest element known to science is Managerium. This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice- neutrons all going round in circles. Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization. Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons. -<>- Some of our old favorites have now been re-released. The following songs are on a new album called "Baby Boomers Turn Gray: Re-heated Oldies." Paul Simon -- "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver" Carly Simon -- 'You're So Varicose Vein" The Bee Gees -- "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip" Roberta Flack -- "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face" Johnny Nash -- "I Can't See Clearly Now" The Temptations -- "Papa Got a Kidney Stone" Nancy Sinatra -- "These Boots Are Made For Bunions" ABBA -- "Denture Queen" Leo Sayer -- "You Make Me Feel Like Napping" Commodores -- "Once, Twice, Three Times My Back's Out" Procol Harem -- "A Whiter Shade of Hair" Steely Dan -- "Rikki Don't Lose That Clapper" Herman's Hermits -- "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker" Credence Clearwater Revival -- "Bad Prune Rising" Marvin Gaye -- "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts" The Who -- "Talkin' 'Bout My Medication" The Troggs -- "Bald Thing" -<>- >The Bachelor Diet _ ( ) ,,,,, \\ . . , \\ | - D (._) \__- | | | \\|_ , ,---- _ |----. \__ ( ( / ) _ | \/ \. ' _.| \ ( ) | \ /( / /\_ \ // \ / ( / / ) // ( , / / , (_.) |......\ | \, / / ) \--- b'ger /___/___^// Monday Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox. Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox. Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw. Tuesday Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw. Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's. Wednesday Breakfast - Stomach couldn't handle breakfast after a night at El Flasho's. Lunch - Rolaids and a coke. Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps. Thursday Breakfast - Order out for pizza. Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. Dinner - Go to a bar. Ask the bartender for extra olives. Friday Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you. Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder. Dinner - Steak, medium-rare, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus. Saturday Breakfast - Sleep through it. Lunch - Ditto. Dinner - Steak, well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket. Sunday Breakfast - Three Bloody Mary's and a Twinkie. Lunch - Eat Lunch? And waste a good buzz? Dinner - Chicken noodle soup. Call home and ask about renting your old room. -<>- We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?" There was silence. Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally." ========================================================= >-->From jokeCentral: ,;;. ,' '''-,-. __ \,, > / _ ' \ `./-' `. ' (_._ ,(--) `| ' /` } `----' ( | | ) || |`. | '_I |_|__| ' c'c' |)|) |'|' ,_'_'_\ jv >Health Joke of the Day I've received mail about health issues. I know this isn't Health Joke of the Day but I need to address some of your concerns and here they go... Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good. Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer? A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel good food around! I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. -<>- >Fiery Love Jolene had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets had been installed in her kitchen. A few days later, a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen." (I personally would title this one, "Neighbor with BIG Mouth" - J.R. -<>- __ _-"" ""-_ ; / \ <'--__ ; ; | ; o | * ,,-, <'--__<'--_|_<'--__,-_/\.### ,,-, ,-,,| ,,-, `-__/___) \_ _/ -__ __- "" Faroul >Nite before christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through station All was quiet except for our snoring dalmation. Our boots had been placed by the bunksides with care In hopes that the shift change would finally be here. The lights were turned down and the TV was off The rigs had been washed and the floors had been mopped. Firefighters and Medics lie nestled in bed While visions of homelife danced through their heads. When out of the darkness, arose ringing and light The Klaxton brought tidings of something not right. The Firefighters and Medics were dressed in an instant Aboard their trucks and racing into the distance. _,..=xxxxxxxxxxxx, /L_Y.-"""""""""`,--n. .--'[=======]|L]J: []\ |/ _ ''_ " " ||[ -_ 4 | jgs '-(_)-(_)----'v'-(_)--' The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow Reflected the lights in a hellish, red glow. The sirens, they wailed while the Federal screamed Moving too slowly, as if in a dream. The wreckage was there and came slowly in sight Lending fear, pain, and loss to our silent night. Each of us thought of our own Wife, Daughter or Son Each prayed in silence, "Let me save at least one." We leaped to the task without further a thought And for more than two hours we worked and we fought... To free the two drivers who hadn't been thinking their driving would suffer after a full night of drinking. The smoke of the flares, and the stench of the blood The screaming of metal as we rolled back the hood. The cry of one driver, the whine of the Jaws Putting fear aside, we never gave pause. _____________[\_ / _|_ .--..--\ |) | [__][___\___ | | -|- __ `\ _( .----. | | / \ [) jgs `'---\__/-----------\__/--' With one driver out, and the other pronounced dead We focused our efforts on keeping our heads. C-spine and backboard and IV in place We loaded him up and we started the race. The monitor showed a heart rate to slow BP revealed a systolic too low. Level of consciousness rapidly dying Despite all of this...the Medics kept trying. Atropine, Dopamine, Epi and more... to keep our reason for being from opening death's door. We fought and we prayed and tried all that was known While trying to believe fault wasn't our own. The sun, she was rising as we reached the ER We'd given all that we know, and all that we are. The Doctors pronounced with barely more than a glance. And gone in a blink, was the patient's last chance. The ride back to the station was quiet, and then.... Despite what we'd been through, the singing began. At first it was one and then all followed suit This effort together was merely the fruit... Of a labor that however needlessly bared Was one of a million we knew we had shared. As we sang out the words of the song, "Silent Night" We acknowledged to ourselves that we put up a good fight. The punch of the clock, the start of a car we all realized and loved who we are. And on Christmas morning, as we all drive away... We know we'll all try in a couple of days... To give someone back their one chance to live Now matter how hard or how much we must give. So please, when you pray on this new Christmas morn Add something for us, and for all that we've borne. | '.|.' -= + =- ___ .'|'. ___ ******* | ******* /-====) | (_.- )) | / '( )' ) )) / / _/ \_( (( | |-( _ _ )) ) ) / | \ //| |\\ /'-( ( / \ \/\/ *** \/\/ / ) ) | |\ / .=. \ / ( ( `-;./ ;-' _\/(")\/_ '-; ) ) | \ |'---'| / ( ( | \ _| |_ / ) ) _/ | /\ /\ | ( ( jgs .-/ / '=' \ ( )-. `""---`-----` `----`----`""` Merry Christmas to all my brothers and sisters in EMS, Fire and Police. We're all here together, and we all come back another day. Love you all. -<>- _ _ _ /` ) ( `\ ( `\ / / \ \ \ \/ / __\ '---. \ /___ ( __/ / ) '--. ( / .-----' \__\_../ / .-' / /. .' /.-"""""-._ / .-. -` _.--.._ '-._, | /\ \ -" `' / / \/ / .__ / __..-' '-' _.' /_/ '-..____..-' \ | '--,-' / (_____.,--' __.' \ ( jgs| \ >THE STORY BEHIND RUDOLPH Scripture: Psalm 17:1b "O LORD, hear my plea for justice. Listen to my cry for help. Pay attention to my prayer, for it comes from an honest heart" NLT On a cold Chicago night, a little girl climbed onto her father's lap and asked a question. It was a simple question, "Daddy," four-year old Barbara asked, "Why isn't my Mommy just like everybody else's mommy?" Bob May stole a glance across his shabby two-room apartment. On the couch lay his young wife, Evelyn, racked with cancer. For two years she had been bedridden and all Bob's income and savings had gone to pay for treatments and medicines. As he ran his fingers through Barbara's hair, he prayed and asked god for some satisfactory answer to her question. Bob was a copywriter for Montgomery Ward, the big Chicago mail order house. Now at 33 Bob was deep in debt and sad. Although Bob did not know it at the time, the answer he received from his prayer was about to bring him fame and fortune. On that December night in his shabby Chicago apartment, Bob cradled Barbara against his shoulder and the answer to his prayer started like this... "Once upon a time there was a reindeer named Rudolph, the only reindeer in the world that had a big red nose. Naturally people called him Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer." As Bob went on to tell about Rudolph, he tried desperately to communicate to Barbara the knowledge that, even though some creatures of God are strange and different, they often enjoy the miraculous power to make others happy. Rudolph, Bob explained, was terribly embarrassed by his unique nose. Other reindeer laughed at him; his mother and father and sister were mortified too. Even Rudolph wallowed in self-pity. "Well," continued Bob, "one Christmas Eve, Santa Claus got his team of husky reindeer -Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixon ready for their yearly trip around the world. The entire reindeer community assembled to cheer these great heroes on their way. But a terrible fog engulfed the earth that evening, and Santa knew that the mist was so thick he wouldn't be able to find any chimney. Suddenly Rudolph appeared, his red nose glowing brighter than ever. Santa sensed at once that here was the answer to his perplexing problem. He led Rudolph to the front of the sleigh, fastened the harness and climbed in. They were off! Rudolph guided Santa safely to every chimney that night. Rain and fog, snow and sleet; nothing bothered Rudolph, for his bright nose penetrated the mist like a beacon. And so it was that Rudolph became the most famous and beloved of all the reindeer. The huge red nose he once hid in shame was now the envy of every buck and doe in the reindeer world. Santa Claus told everyone that Rudolph had saved the day and from that Christmas, Rudolph has been living serenely and happy." Little Barbara laughed with glee when her father finished. Every night she begged him to repeat the tale until finally Bob could rattle it off in his sleep. Then as Bob was about to put the finishing touches on Rudolph, tragedy struck. His wife died. Bob turned to God to help him through. Yet, despite his grief, he sat at his desk in the quiet lonely apartment, and worked on "Rudolph." Night after night with tears in his eyes he worked away to make the story into a complete poem as a Christmas gift for his daughter. In 1938 Bob was asked to an employee's holiday party at Montgomery Wards, he took his poem with him. He read the poem for all to hear and when finished they exploded in applause. By Christmas 1947, over 6,000,000 copies of his poem in booklet form had been distributed. Rudolph was a hit and on his way to becoming a permanent fixture in each Christmas to follow. God had answered his prayer in a much more abundant way than he could have ever imagined. The demand for Rudolph products soared. He was here to stay. From then on when Christmas rolled around Bob remembered Barbara's question that inspired him to pray and ask God for help to write the story. "Father, thank you for answer to prayer. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, Amen" © 2001 All rights reserved Pastor Bill -<>- >Scotish Kids In the back woods of Scotland, Ian's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there Ian!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come yet." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor. Then Ian scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?" -<>- >Laryngitis During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me communicate with him, my husband devised a system of taps. One tap meant, "Give me a kiss," two taps meant "Yes," seven taps meant "No," and 95 taps meant "Take out the garbage." -<>- >Kirkpatrick Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most. -- George R. Kirkpatrick ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Frost Flowers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frostflowers.html Winter Wildlife http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/winter.html Road Train Trucks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html Wave Frozen In Time! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wave.html Whale Rescue 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html World's Fastest Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Orang-Utan Hospital!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orang.html Arrows Across America! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/arrows.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us a video we have here... Miniature Wonderland! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html She sent us one we have here... Super Puppies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/puppy.html --- ...Awesome for train lovers! Thanks Linda! CBN - worth your time to view: Made in Israel – Medicine http://www.cbn.com/tv/2650414108001 Casting a Fire Ant Colony with Molten Aluminum http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGJ2jMZ-gaI 100 year old steam tractor turns a high horsepower John Deere tractor into an expensive ditch digging attachment. A very good illustration of elementary physics. 850 HP vs 18 HP Anyone off the farm, or on the farm, will enjoy this! A 850 H.P. John Deere diesel vs. a steam tractor rated at 18 H.P. It's all about torque and traction. Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=FLQhvruimfs --- ...Fun To watch! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) STARRY, STARRY NIGHT Whoever put this together certainly did a super job! It bears watching two or three times just to absorb it. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?feature=player_embedded&v=FgBF3sIPm4c These kids are amazing. From Britain's Got Talent. I don't know what year this was nor do I know if they won. I have NEVER see anything so amazing from a group of teenagers! *Hold your breath, grab the chair arms; this is amazing!* *http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfVxKBJhg0I --- ..Wowsers! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Fran :) One Bright Shining Star http://www.mamarocks.com/one_bright_shining_star.htm --- ...Nice! Thanks Fran! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) ITALIAN CHRISTMAS TIME - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZzTBc-ARN5Y -<>- >From Our Friend Karen :) Obamacare explained via coffee http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCb9g8plGF8&feature=player_detailpage --- ...TeeHee! Good one! Thanks Karen! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) impossible instant film http://tinyurl.com/m2mbeyc --- ...OK! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) I had no idea as to what the Space Station looks like. Now I do and it is very impressive. http://www.youtube.com/embed/doN4t5NKW-k -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Best Christmas Lights Display http://www.flixxy.com/best-christmas-lights-display.htm How to wrap a cat for Christmas http://www.pawbonito.com/how-to-wrap-a-cat-for-christmas/ --- ..TeeHee! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) This is such a funny video. http://www.wimp.com/catsdogs/ The Get Off The Phone Song from Internet comedians and part time musicians Rhett and Link is a funny look at how people are addicted to using their mobile phones. Their message is stop being disengaged in real life by spending all your time on Social Media and start becoming engaged with those around you in the present moment. There’s a good chance you might be watching this video on your cell phone right now so if that’s the case just Share It to be social then Get Off The Phone. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfUD0WhE264&feature=player_embedded What happens when two hardcore gamer geeks tie the knot? The most epic wedding ever! The bride and groom must battle knights, ninjas and superheroes to prove their worth. But that's OK because they get some help from a very special guest! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=z04VIhagpko Russian folks always seem to have crazy but effective ways to solve problems.Did you see this icy lake car extraction? But this insane river crossing method may just take the cake. Would you ever trust your car to this technique? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueeoOK4yckk&feature=player_embedded When one of America's most beloved singers of all time sings one of our most beloved Christmas carols of all time, something special happens. If you haven't seen Judy Garland's performance of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g4lY8Y3eoo&feature=player_embedded Get ready to pick your jaw off the floor. Seriously. This 16-year-old kid from Quebec sounds EXACTLY like Elvis Presley. Apparently the King ain't dead, he's just been living in Canada all this time! You have to hear his version of "Blue Christmas." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VwWRpIinxs&feature=player_embedded --- ...Good Ones! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "New documents leaked by Edward Snowden show that the NSA actually spied on people while they played the video game World of Warcraft. I don't know - to me it sounds like some NSA agents had to think quick when they got caught playing World of Warcraft at work." -Jimmy Fallon "The world said goodbye today to Nelson Mandela. And what a life he lived. He spent 27 years in prison and then ascended to become president of his country. He went from prison to politics. It was exactly the opposite of how we do it in this country." -Jay Leno "The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under 2 not be exposed to screens like iPads because it can impede their brain development. Although if it keeps the kid quiet while I'm at Costco, let's bring that brain development to a halt." -Jimmy Kimmel "Researchers at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model." --Jimmy Fallon "Yesterday Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly told viewers that Santa Claus is white. Then she said Santa's elves are Mexican and they are stealing jobs from American elves." -Conan O'Brien "In an annual list that ranks states based on how healthy they are, the healthiest U.S. state is Hawaii. Mississippi finished 50th out of the 50 states, which isn't surprising. Healthy eating is not big in Mississippi. Their state bird is the fried chicken." -Jimmy Kimmel "Barbara Walters revealed her list of the most fascinating people of the year: Robin Roberts, Jennifer Lawrence, the cast of Duck Dynasty, Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, Edward Snowden, and Pope Frances. What an honor it must be for the Pope!" -Jimmy Kimmel "The bear population in the state of New Jersey has sky- rocketed. The rise in the population has caused over 500 complaints. Not surprisingly all the complaints have come from the bears." --Conan O'Brien "According to a recent Bureau of Justice survey, night is the most dangerous time for law enforcement officers. Second most dangerous time: day." --Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************