The Tooth Fairy Wedding... :) Shangy
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================
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This hot tottie is from our friend Linda. It is a very
beautiful one with an inspiring message just for you!
Be sure to turn on your sound and give it a view here...
.-=-.
/ ! )\
__ \__/__/
/ _<( ^.^ )
/ / \ c /O
\ \_.-./=\.-._ _
`-._ `~` `-,./_<
`\' \'\`'----'
* \ . \ *
`-~~~\ .
. `-._`-._ *
* `~~~-, *
() * )
<^^> * ( .
.-""-. )
.---. ."-....-"-._ _...---''`/. '
( (`\ \ .' ``-'' _.-"'`
\ \ \ : :. .-'
`\`.\: `:. _.'
( .'`.` _.'
`` `-..______.-'
):. (
."-....-".
jgs .':. `.
"-..______..-"
The Wishing Lamp
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wishinglamp.html
---
...Awww, totally floored me! Thanks Linda!
This hot new page is from our friends Jo Ann, Karen and
Geniann. Not only does it have fabulous photos but it has
a couple great inspiring videos that you won't want to
miss. Check it out here...
\\ /////
| |
(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
The Blues Angels!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blueangels.html
---
...Absolutely amazing! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
,'\ |\
/ /.: ;;
/ :'|| //
(| | ||;'
/ ||,;'-.._
: ,;,`';:.--`
|:|'`-(\\
::: \-'\`'
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: : '' `-..''`/ |-'' |'' '' \ \
| | '' '' : |__..-;'' '' : :
| | '' '' | ; / '' '' | |
| | '' '' ; /--../_ ''_ '' _| |
| | '' _;:_/ :._ /-.'',-.'',-. |
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\ | `. \ |..-_
SSt ) |. `/___-.-`
,' -.'. `. `' _,)
\'\(`.\ `._ `-..___..-','
`' ``-..___..-'
A Husband took the wife to a disco on the weekend. There was an
extremely well dressed, physically fit, good looking guy on the dance
floor. He was waltzing, fox-trotting, calipsoing, break dancing, moon
walking, doing back flips, smiling and having a great time.
The wife turned to her husband, who isn't much of a dancer, and said:
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"
-<>-
The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three."
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes
after ten?"
"A jack," says the little boy.
-<>-
One day, finding a wasp had entered the house, a wife shouted to her
husband, "There's a wasp in here. Do we have any spray?"
He told her there was a can under the sink.
"Honey," she called. "This is ant and roach spray."
"Well," her husband replied, "don't show him the label."
-<>-
By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was
almost over. "Why are you so late?" his friend asked.
"I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to
the game."
"How long could that have taken you?"
"Well, I had to toss it 14 times."
-<>-
Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller?
When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that
said: "Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet."
-<>-
A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had
been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said
"Chopsticks are provided only on request."
"But," the man countered, "if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you
wouldn't have to pay someone to wash all the forks."
"True," the waiter shot back, "but we'd have to hire three more people
to sweep the floor."
-<>-
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge
in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what
kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a
pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows
it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,"
replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge
about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the
storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the
counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard
to swallow."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day
November 10 is Forget-Me-Not, USMC and Young Readers Day
November 11 is Veteran's Day
November 12 is Chicken Soup for the Soul Day
November 13 is Sadie Hawkins Day and World Kindness Day
November 14 is Operating Room Nurse Day and World Diabetes Day
November 15 Clean Your Refrigerator Day and America Recycles Day
=========================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
___________
/.---------.\`-._
// || `-._
|| `-._ || `-._
|| `-._ || `-._
|| _____ ||`-._ \
_..._ || | __ ! || `-._ |
_/ \|| .' |~~|| `-._ |
.-`` _.`|| / _|~~|| .----. `-._|
| _.` _|| | |23| || / :::: \ \
\ _.--` _.` || | |56| || / ::::: | |
| _.-` _.|| | |79| || | _..-' /
_\-` _.`O || | |_ || |::| |
.` _.`O `._|| \ | || |::| |
.-` _.` `._.' || '.__|--|| |::| \
`-._.-` \`-._ || | ": !|| | '-.._ |
\ `--._|| |_:"___|| | ::::: | |
\ /\ || ":":"|| \ :::: | |
\( `-.|| .- || `.___/ /
| | || _.- || |
| / \\.-________\\____.....-----'
\ -. \ | |
\ `. \ \ |
__________ `. .'\ \| |\ _________
LGB `..' \ | | \
\\ .' | / .`.
| \.' | |.' `-._
\ _ . / \_\-._____)
\_.-` .`'._____.'`.
\_\-| |
`._________.'
>Cordless Phone
I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After
several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, "You know what
they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it
never gets lost."
-<>-
>Privacy?
The company where I work provides five-foot-high cubicles so each
employee can have some privacy. One day a co-worker had an
exasperating phone conversation with one of her teenage sons.
After hanging up, she heaved a sigh and said, "No one ever listens
to me."
Immediately, several voices from surrounding cubicles called out,
"Yes, we do."
-<>-
>Communication
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when
the subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great
relationship," the wife explained.
"He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater
arts. He communicates really well, and I just act as if I'm listening."
-<>-
>Guided Tour
A class from a nearby university was visiting a major drug manufacturer.
The tour guide led the students to a glass-enclosed room. They could
see several people in white lab coats.
With her back to the glass, the guide announced: "In this room
researchers are actively searching for cures for disease."
She stopped short as the group broke out laughing. Puzzled, the guide
turned to look. Through the glass she saw three scientists in
animated debate, flipping through the pages of a Pizza menu.
-<>-
>Dressing Room
My three-year-old daughter and I went shopping with my mother. A
rather large woman, Mom sometimes had a tough time finding just
the right fit.
When my mother picked out a yellow suit, my daughter went into the
dressing room with her. A moment later, Mom asked her how she
liked the outfit.
My daughter replied, "Oh, Nana, you look so pretty. Just like a big
yellow school bus!"
The suit stayed in the dressing room.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
____
/ \
u u| _______
\ | .-''#%&#&%#``-.
= / ((%&#&#&%&VK&%&))
| `-._#%&##&%_.-'
/\/\`--. `-."".-'
| | \ /`./
|\/| \ `-' /
|| | \ / VK
>SMILES
The waiter at the diner came over to the table and asked his customer,
"And how did you find the steak?"
"Easy," snarled the patron. "I just shoved a spoonful of potatoes to
the side, and there it was!"
--------
My older son loves school, but his younger brother absolutely hates
it. One weekend he cried and fretted, and tried every excuse not to go
back on Monday. Sunday morning on the way home from church, the crying
and whining built to a crescendo.
At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, "Honey,
it's a law. If you don't go to school, they'll put Mommy in jail."
He looked at me, thought a moment, then he asked, "How long would you
have to stay?"
--------
In the historic first manned mission to Mars, two Astronauts were
charting the Martian surface. "Look at that," said one to the other,
"how beautiful this alien landscape is, untouched by man."
At that point, he was cut off, as he found his radio communications
knocked out by unknown interference.
Using an emissions detector, they followed the source of the
interference until they reached the rim of a crater. "Do you see what
the source of that noise is?" asked the first astronaut.
"I don't know," replied the second, "but it might be coming from that
Starbucks behind you."
--------
The father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to
tour the school on Parents' Day and observed his son hard at work in
the chemistry lab. "What are you working on?" he asked.
"A universal solvent," explained the son, "a solvent that'll dissolve
anything."
The father whistled, clearly impressed, then he wondered aloud,
"What'll you keep it in?"
--------
As the animals left Noah's ark, Mrs. Noah looked up at the dirty,
beat-up, smelly boat and sighed, It looks like such a wreck. Are we
just going to leave it on the mountaintop?
Don't worry about it, Noah said confidently, I left the termites on
board.
-------
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of
a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good
shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his
editor.
As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was
warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled
"Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon
they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make
three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and
photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great
exasperation and impatience.
After a long pause, the pilot said "You mean you're not the instructor?"
--------
A young lady, visiting the London zoo, asked the keeper where the
monkeys were. Keeper: "They're in the back, making love."
Young lady: "Would they come out for some peanuts?"
Keeper: "I don't know. Would you?"
--------
There was a blonde who was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed
a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: "I
have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind
the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 AM. Signed, The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the boy's jacket and told him to go straight
home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a
brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
Also inside the bag was the following note: "Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
--------
While attending a convention, 3 psychiatrists take a walk. "People are
always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have
no one to go to with our problems. Since we're all professionals, why
don't we hear each other out right-now?" They agree that this is a
good idea.
The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply
in debt, so I overbill patients as often as I can."
The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I
frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."
The third psychiatrist confesses, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how
hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
-------
A guy dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors. Satan
explains, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is
that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors.
The good news is that you can take a peek behind each and
take your choice."
The man opens the first door and sees a room full of people
standing on their heads on a concrete floor.
Opening the second door, he sees a room full of people
standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Better, but best
to check the last door.
The last door revealed a room full of people standing waist-
deep in excrement sipping coffee.
"Of the three, this one looks best," he says and he wades in
to get something to drink while Satan closes the door.
A few minutes later the door opens, Satan sticks his head in
and says, "Okay, coffee break`s over, back on your heads!"
--------
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning
from the Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint on their
habits, which are costly to replace.
After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of
the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked.
In the middle of the project, there's a knock at the door. "Who is it?"
calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm
can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door.
"Nice bods!" says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"
--------
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says
your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does
she say?"
The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From American Heritage
Today, Heritage Action for America released its inaugural Presidential
Platform Review (PPR). The 24,000-word review evaluates Republican
presidential candidates on their past actions and current platforms in
six critical areas: growth, opportunity, civil society, limited
government, favoritism, and national security.
Read the full review now.
http://heritageaction.com/
---
...one of my favs, Ted Cruz, scored best - not too surprising :)
[Politics]
>From Our Friend Melinda :)
'The last class I took at a local college the teacher spent more of her
time promoting her political views. In addition, The book promoted
Islam, and the transgender movement. Never mind traditional
Creationism, now it is woman ruled the earth before the male appeared'
-Melinda
"Who Killed the Liberal Arts?"
http://tinyurl.com/ngk6jfm
---
...Thanks Melinda!
Yes colleges are being taught almost all by liberal professors with
next to no conservative professors. Since liberals believe in
socialism so much these days, I am surprised colleges don't all give
students a free ride instead of expecting the government to use
tax payer money to fund free education like Hillary and Sanders
are taunting in their socialist kill America campaign promises. It
is OK for us hard working taxpayers to go broke but not them to loose
any of their 6 figure incomes! Just like health care providers. The
big hospitals, pharmaceuticals and insurance companies didn't loose
anything - only us hardworking citizens have to pay more for medical
coverage and have larger deductibles to cover all those not paying.
Obamacare didn't reduce costs for anybody working!
Family members of the Americans who died in Benghazi say that
Hillary Clinton lied to them about the cause of the attack
that killed their loved ones.
Benghazi families say Hillary Lied
http://tinyurl.com/ofx4fdz
Criticizing Christianity - President Obama Compares Crusades
To ISIS - Ben Carson - Fox & Friends
http://tinyurl.com/o2nnbw6
A thermonuclear missile launch (US Navy Trident ballistic missile) over
the Los Angeles area last night is a final warning to China to halt
escalations toward World War III.
The "official" story reported by the mainstream press is total bunk.
This wasn't a routine test. It was a strong warning coming as a
last-ditch effort to halt China's increasingly aggressive war stance.
China now has ballistic missiles that can destroy U.S. Navy ships. Add
in the EMP weapon threat and cyber warfare attacks, and you have the
makings of war.
Let's hope the U.S. military can defend our nation against the Russians
and the Chinese:
Click here for the full story with over a dozen documented links.
http://tinyurl.com/o57nfa5
---
...Not good. Something to pray about. Thanks Melinda!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A local story has been making some national news recently;
that of murdered hero and then disgraced police lieutenant
Joseph Gliniewicz of Fox Lake, Illinois.
The story first surfaced a couple of months ago. Lt.
Gliniewicz reported following three suspicious men on foot,
early in the morning at the beginning of his shift. His
next and last radio contact was for backup. After that he
was found dead, shot twice, once in his ballistic vest and
once in his upper chest.
It was immediately assumed to be a murder, and a massive
manhunt for the 3 mysterious individuals ensued. It lasted
days, but no suspects were ever found.
After that there was a big memorial service, Gliniewicz was
lauded as a hero and a pillar of the community with 30 years
of service, but soon some suspicious details began to trickle
out.
There were emails and text messages hinting at some petty
embezzlement. Then the coroner came out and said that the
fatal gunshot might have been a suicide. Then, all of a
sudden, a flood of information came out. Gliniewicz
supposedly had stolen an unspecified amount from the city
(estimated to be in the five figures) and blew the money
on vacations, gifts, gym memberships, mortgage payments
and even adult websites (I thought that last one was a nice
touch).
And apparently there were plans to intimidate, harass and
frame a village administrator who was trying to investigate
the accounts the money was allegedly stolen from.
Then, a small story was published by WGN reporting that
Gliniewicz had been asked to help with an internal police
investigation of its former chief of police. This after
the current police chief asked him to delay his retirement
for a month to help out.
That's right, Gliniewicz was two weeks away from retirement
when he died. Then that story was never mentioned again.
So let's review; you have what appears to be a well-respected
career police officer. Heavily involved in the community. A
youth mentor and police advocate.
Days before he is about to retire he is asked to postpone
his retirement so that he can stay on and help with an
internal police investigation. Two days after that he is
gunned down under mysterious circumstances.
Within weeks he is the target of an aggressive smear campaign
and the community hero is transformed into a corrupt parasite
and s##ual pervert. Immediately after that it is determined
that the two gunshots he took to the chest was a suicide...
because he was so corrupt, you see, he had to shoot himself.
And like any 30-year police veteran would do, he tried to
kill himself first by shooting himself in his ballistic
vest.
Now, I'm no expert, but does anything about the story I
just told you seem fishy? I'm not saying this cop wasn't
involved with some kind of embezzlement or harassment,
but if he were can you think of a better fall guy?
Of course, there is absolutely no evidence of that. That
is what you call a conspiracy theory. Not that conspiracy
theories haven't been correct before. But if you don't get
an issue of Bizarre News from me next week you will know
where to start looking.
*-- California couple's engagement ring beset with wisdom
tooth --* ['Or the case of the Tooth Fairy wedding']
SANTA ANA, Calif. - A California woman whose photo of her
engagement ring beset with her finance's wisdom tooth went
viral says "diamonds are so overrated." Carlee Leifkes of
Orange County, Calif., said her relationship with fiance
Lucas Unger has been unconventional ever since they first
met at a music festival in his native Canada. "So
incredibly excited to marry my best friend, the man who
knows that his wisdom tooth means more to me than a
diamond," Leifkes wrote in a Facebook post. "We have
never been the 'traditional couple,' why the heck start
now?" Leifkes told Buzzfeed the ring, which bears one of
the wisdom teeth removed from Unger's mouth at the age
of 17, means more to her than a diamond. "When we'd spoken
about it, I'd said that diamonds are so overrated," she
said. "My birthstone is a diamond. I don't need one to
prove how much someone loves me. He'd already moved all
the way from Canada to do that!" Leifkes said the viral
photo has resulted in a lot of feedback, some positive
and some negative. "We thank everyone for their continued
support and love and cannot wait to share photos of our
wedding with those who appreciate the love we share! And
for those couples out there who are looking to stray away
from the traditional diamond ring, remember: Diamonds are
not always a girls best friend, your significant other is
and don't let other people tell you otherwise!" she wrote
on Facebook.
*-- Trained mouse caught smuggling drugs through Brazilian
prison --*
ARAGUAINA, Brazil - Officials at a Brazilian prison said
they captured a trained mouse used by prisoners to shuttle
drugs and other contraband between cells at the facility.
Gean Carlos Gomes, director of the Barra da Grota prison
in Araguaina, said the tiny trafficker was spotted running
through a prison corridor with bags of drugs tied to its
tail. The investigation into the drug-smuggling mouse
turned up 29 small packets of marijuana and 23 packages
of cocaine. Gomes said officers are reviewing CCTV footage
in an attempt to determine who was behind the scheme.
"They attached a hook to the mouse's tail and then used
it to carry the drugs and other goods from one cell to
another," Gomes told G1. "When the animal arrived at its
destination, the prisoner took the mouse and removed the
hook from its tail." A video shared by prison officers
shows the tame mouse allowing investigators to pet it on
the head. The mouse was released outside the prison,
officials said.
*-- Woman charged with trespassing after tiger bites her hand --*
OMAHA - A woman in Omaha was accused of trespassing after
sneaking into a local zoo and being bitten by a tiger on
Halloween night. Jacqueline Edie, 33, is currently being
treated for injuries on her left hand at the Creighton
University Medial Center. Edie, who showed signs of
intoxication and acted aggressively towards hospital
staff, allegedly snuck into the Henry Doorly Zoo & Aquarium
Saturday night to pet an 18-year-old Malayan tiger named
Mai. Zoo officials say that upon reaching into the animal's
cage, the tiger bit Edie's hand and caused severe trauma.
A friend then transported Edie to the hospital. Police say
the incident may have occurred at 4 a.m. The incident is
currently under investigation by the Omaha Police
Department. How Edie managed to enter the zoo is still
under investigation. Executive director Dennis Pate told
Sky News additional cameras are being installed at the
zoo, which is currently staffed by 24-hour security
personnel and equipped with computerized locks for entry
and exit points. Zoo patron Ron Hegg told Omaha.com the
tiger's actions were understandable. "It's not like it got
loose and attacked someone," Hegg said. "It was just
protecting its territory."
*-- 'Star Wars' villain Emperor Palpatine wins seat on
Ukrainian city council --*
ODESSA, Ukraine - A man running for a Ukrainian city
council seat under the name of Emperor Palpatine, the
villain from the Star Wars films, won with more than 54
percent of votes. Aleksandr Borovik, 25, who used the
Sith Lord's name and costume in his campaign for the
Odessa city council, was one of nearly 50 candidates in
the election to use names taken from the Star Wars films.
Borovik, who identified himself as holding the position
of "emperor" for "LLC Palpatine Finance Group," won more
than 54 percent of votes for his seat. Odessa has recently
seen a surge in Star Wars-related news after a statue of
Vladimir Lenin was transformed into Darth Vader last week,
and a man in a Chewbacca costume was arrested while
campaigning for city council candidate Darth Vader. The
emperor's election was decried by mayoral candidate Sasha
Borovik in a Facebook post. "I can't understand, but all
the same respect, the choice of those who voted for the
current government," he wrote. "We all have our own
choices ... but it's above my understanding. People,
what's wrong with you?"
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.---------------.
/ oLo \
O/_____/________/____\O
/__________+__________\
/ (#############) \
|[**](#############)[**]|
\_______________________/
|_""__|_,-----,_|__""_|
| | '-----' | | APC'97
'-' '-'
My wife cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is
driving what to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none,
the worst back seat driver in the world. I have long thought
this, though she would deny it. She claimed she seldom, if
ever made comments about my driving. I, of course, claimed
the opposite. Now I have proof.
The other day we were headed for the mall and my daughter
piped up, "Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you
how to drive?"
-<>-
When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite
friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had
returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with
a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might
be a possibility between us.
"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.
"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age
difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He
looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone
who's 104?!'"
-<>-
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended
a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at
least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking
the news to the older child. It went like this:
"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you
so much we decided to bring another child into this family.'
But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home
one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to
bring home another wife.'"
One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"
-<>-
After years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger
sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to
ask his mother if he was adopted.
"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry
softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."
-<>-
A man goes into the home improvement store and says, "I'd
like to order 5,000 finishing bricks."
"Certainly," says the salesman, "Are they for a garage?"
"No," says the man; "They're for a Bar-B-Q."
"Why do you need so many bricks for a bar-b-q?" asks the
salesman.
"Well," says the man, "we live in a 3rd floor flat."
-<>-
I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at
engineering university. I used to work repairing construction
equipment.
One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had
some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts
had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating
the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this,
one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along.
He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if
I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip
on the bolt so I could then remove it.
"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.
Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said,
"that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."
There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I
always wondered about that," he said.
-<>-
__---__
_-^ ^-_
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/ :=-_ / \ \
/ / \ `-_ / / \
i / `--'<__,' i Bweep!
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/\ / _-^ \/~ / ^: | ^^'
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| |=\ | < \ | ,' ,'
\ Z | \ `.,' /
| Z \ | /
|-_ Z ,' ,'
^-_Z _-^ /
`__ _-^ _-^
`,' _-^
My sister is a know-it-all who bristles at anyone's well-
intentioned advice. But when our older sister gave her
several clever tips, she was impressed.
"I have to hand it to Pat," she told me. "She really is
smart. Not Jeopardy! smart; more Wheel of Fortune smart."
-<>-
My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review
her application. For the question "To what do you attribute
your fitness issues?" the woman wrote, "Horrendous eating
habits."
"What makes you answer that?" my friend asked.
The woman replied, "I can't spell atrocious."
=========================================================
>-->From LaughAndLift:
>*_Quick Jokes_*
.-''-.
( \ )
( .----. )
( )'/ '( )
`\ -- /`
`)(`
/`\/`\
/ \
/ \_/\_/ \
\ \ / /
\/\ /\/
))) (((
| |
| |
|_____|
\ | /
jgs )|(
/-T-\
(_/`\_)
A feisty 70 year old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a
quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a
$70 bill for labor.
"Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It took you five minutes."
The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour
charge on every house call.
"Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady responded,
and she handed him a rake.
The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves.
---------
Nurse: How old are you, Mrs. Smith?
Patient: None of your business.
Nurse: But the doctor must know your age for his records.
Patient: Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?
Nurse: Yes. Fifty.
Patient: All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?
Nurse: Zero.
Patient: Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age.
---------
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the
way they do?
---------
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some
questions the teacher was asking.
"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be
seen by the opposite gender?"
I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned
and asked,
"How do you spell 'intellectual?'"
--------
During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted doctor
was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a serious
mistake?"
"Yes, was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire in three visits!"
--------
The salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in the department
store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting
the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb
completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing
a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for
everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what
an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside..."
---------
*_How a Computer Program is Made _*
Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program
shrink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual
and 12-paragraph disclaimer notice actually came to you by way of
an elaborate path, through the most rigid quality control on the
planet. Here, shared for the first time with the general public,
are the inside details of the program development cycle:
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing
department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work
and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. See 3
6. See 4
7. See 5
8. See 6
9. See 7
10. See 8
11. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product
announcement based on an overly optimistic programming schedule,
the product is released.
12. Users find 137 new bugs.
13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is
nowhere to be found.
14. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the
137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
15. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a
postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
16. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor
using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
17. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires
programmer to redo program from scratch.
18. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...
---
...unless he is the programer on Obamacare websites - he and
his staff just charge tax payers seven times as much to fix all
the bugs. No new programmers are hired. Obama never fires
any of his incompetent help, he just throws more money at
them figuring they will somehow get more smart and fix what
they didn't do right the first several times.
Obamacare Website Cost $634 Million, Faces Months of Glitches:
Healthcare.gov, the federal Obamacare website, cost taxpayers
more than $630 million, nearly seven times its original estimate
of $93 million, new figures reveal.
http://tinyurl.com/pb7wuc4
You thought Healthcare.gov had problems?
A handful of state-run exchange websites—which cost nearly half
a billion dollars to build—still don’t work, nearly seven
months after they first went live.
Largely inoperable state exchange websites in Maryland,
Massachusetts, Oregon and Nevada have racked up $474 million
federal tax dollars so far, Politico first reported. The costs
will continue to climb as states scramble to salvage the flailing
websites or transition onto the federal exchange.
http://tinyurl.com/kt6qyyf
I wish I had that much money to build my website with! Wowsers
how awesome it would be! I'd have funds to keep it going
forever AND still give plenty to charity!
---------
_,,,_
.' `'.
/ ____ \
| .'_ _\/
/ ) a a| .----.
/ ( > | /| '--.
( ) ._ / || ]| `-.
) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::|
( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::|
`/ `-./ `. || ]| ::|
_ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-'
/ \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'(
| |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------,
| `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /|
| \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / |
| | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ |
| /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) |
\ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( |
| | / `---` `===' / ) |
/ \ / / ( |
| '------. |'--------------------'| ) |
\ `-| | / |
`--...,______| | ( |
| | | | ) ,|
| | | | ( /||
| | | | )/ `"
/ \ | | (/
jgs .' /I\ '.| | /)
.-'_.'/ \'. | | /
``` `"""` `| .-------------------.||
`"` `"`
Real Programmers
(Humor for those few of you who are computer programmers :) -Chris)
- Real Programmers disdain structured programming. Structured
programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-
trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up sharp pencils on
an otherwise clear desk.
- Real Programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make schedules.
Managers firm up schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules.
Real programmers ignore schedules.
- Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write,
it should be hard to understand.
- Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't
read the listings or object deck.
- Real Programmers don't draw flowcharts. Cavemen drew flowcharts and
look how much good it did them.
- Real Programmers don't play tennis or any other sport that requires
you to change clothes.
- Real Programmers don't write in LISP. Only stupid programs contain
more parenthesis than actual code.
- Real Programmers don't write in "C" or "C++". There has to be
something wrong with a language who's next generation gets just a
barely better grade.
- Real Programmers write in the machine's native binary code, ASM
macros are for those who can't divide HEX numbers in their head.
- Real Programmers don't write specs - users should consider
themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.
- Real Programmers scorn floating-point arithmetic. The decimal point
was invented for pansy bed wetters who are unable to think big.
- Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are
around at 9am, it's because they were up all night.
---
...HaHa! The sad part is, I agree with most of these! :)
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=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
* FREE US VET STUFF *
Veterans Day 2015: Here's a list of restaurant deals and freebies
http://tinyurl.com/pcf8z83
Ray's Freedom Rock 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedomrock2.html
Proud Of Our Troops 7!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops7.html
Sgt.Stubby War Dog Hero!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stubbywardog.html
WWII P-51 Mustang Pilot!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wwiipilot.html
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Willie, Joe And Bill In WWII!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mauldin.html
USS New York LPD-21 Tribute!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html
Men Will Be Boys!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html
Humor With Cars!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carhumor.html
Humorous Signs 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns2.html
Big Baby Big Dogs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigdogs.html
Extreme Rednecks!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html
Cell Phone Madness!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cellphone.html
Life's Little Oops 13!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops13.html
Humor In Religion 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
Nepal, located in southern Asia, is one of the most special countries
in the world. This video, created by filmmaker and travel enthusiast
Devin Graham, and hosted by Turkish Airlines, shows you how much beauty
exists in this magical place. It is a country bursting with color,
smiles, energy and nature - and they're all magnificently captured in
these electrifying two and a half minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc1HDF2AyNE&feature=player_embedded
I love living in Arizona. Sure, the summers are hot, but it's worth it
for these incredible monsoon storms. They're so beautiful, and they've
never looked better than in this 4K ultra-HD time-lapse video. Watch
one of the best monsoon videos you'll ever see and make sure you view
it in 4K if your connection is fast enough!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc7d7F5T6rI&feature=player_embedded
Comedy illusionists Scott & Muriel totally amazed and entertained the
audience and judges at the 32nd Monte Carlo International Circus
Festival.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwnXwIGaXco&feature=player_embedded
Carl-Einar Heckner is a comedy magician from Sweden, a title he takes
very seriously.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_RSkt8fcvrg
---
...Nice! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Rubber Ducky?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SVBUdPjDWk
This Dad Delivers His Baby On The Side Of The Highway
http://tinyurl.com/otdk8gb
A man tries to play with lions at the zoo and their response
is exactly what you might expect it to be
http://tinyurl.com/pj4zrxs
---
...Great! Thanks Melody!
For those like me that have a hard time loading the page
see it on youtube here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88dqPXjf-48
I guess I need a faster computer for all the ads on most
websites these days!
Hobbit House ~ Living In The Future
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-0OqFkzqJI
Kind Strangers Surprise Women In A Retirement Home With
Makeovers - Heartwarming Video
http://tinyurl.com/pheeu8d
A group of bears looking for their next meal stumble upon a delicious
cat. Funny enough, the cat defends itself and the bear gets scared and
runs away.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt_1sQNyHm8
---
...Why cats need to keep their claws! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
See Ya On The Bus
https://www.facebook.com/CarbonTV/videos/403997546475360/
Next Generation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5VfejeNGsU
Talent!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jca_p_3FcWA
Trey Gowdy - interesting Questions!
The silence is deafing - a must watch 3 1/2 minute video...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1jeJmeeMjs
Guess Who?
https://www.youtube.com/embed/rrjU-HBkmLE?feature=player_detailpage
---
...Stunning! Thanks Genainn!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
Animals and golf….
Even if you are not a "golfer" you will enjoy watching
http://www.chonday.com/Videos/animalspga2
---
...Teehee! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melinda :)
Depopulation-advocating globalist Bill Gates comes out in
full push for totalitarian socialism, says 'democracy is a problem'
http://tinyurl.com/pncuklm
---
...Thanks Melinda!
Wow! And I thought only Obama had the 'average' IQ - Maybe he
thinks we are all stupid and will fall for anything he says -
you know just take his word for it because he is rich - not to
mention he got rich from what he calls a 'problem today' -
democracy with capitalism. Go figure - bite the hand that fed
you your billions of dollars Bill!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"It was announced that China officially ended its one-child
policy this week, and will allow parents to have two children.
Over the next few nights, the only thing that will be 'made
in China' is love." -Jimmy Fallon
"A drunk woman in Nebraska had to be hospitalized this weekend
after she broke into a zoo because she wanted to pet a tiger
and wound up being bitten by the animal. When asked how she's
doing, the woman said, 'Not GR-R-R-REAT!'" -Seth Meyers
"I've been trying to say 'I love you' more often, starting
this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house.
And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the
barista complained that one of the customers was making her
uncomfortable." -Stephen Colbert
"A new study found that heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers,
but the ways they die are a lot more embarrassing."
-Jimmy Fallon
"A Canadian pharmacy had to apologize this weekend after
accidentally handing out bipolar medication on Halloween
instead of candy. The victims say they're sad that it
happened, but happy that it happened." -Seth Meyers
"A new study shows current members of Congress speak at a
10th grade level. When reached for comment, Congressman
Eric Cantor said, 'Nuh-uh!'" -Conan O'Brien
"Amazon is considering starting its own clothing line. Which
is strange, because what's great about shopping on Amazon is
not having to wear clothes." -Conan O'Brien
"Daylight saving is one of those things we do for no reason.
Like signing up for a gym membership, it makes no sense."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"A new survey found that 46 percent of doctors have used
Google or Yahoo to diagnose their patients' symptoms. Yeah,
last time I got sick, my doctor was like, 'I'm sorry to tell
you this, but you have 'Server Not Responding.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"You know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in
history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes
long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn't tell a lie."
-Jay Leno
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
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