Things All Woman Need To Hear And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first too hot to handle one comes from our friend LouiseA. I never knew of this place. It is so heart wrenching it will leave you speechless - at least it did me. :) .-------. |(~\o/~)| _.||\/X\/||._ ,-" || \ / || "-, ,' () ||o X o|| () ', / () ,-|| / \ ||-, () \ : o ,' ||/\X/\|| ', o ; .----------._)~ ~(_.----------. |\/)~~(\/\ (~\ /~) /\/)~~(\/| |(X () X) >o >-X-< o< (X () X)| |/\)__(/\/ _(_/|\_)_ \/\)__(/\| '----------' ) ( '----------' ; o ', ||\/~\/|| ,' o ; \ () '-|| \o/ ||-' () / ', () |(~\X/~)| () ,' '-._ ||\/ \/|| _.-' '|| \_/ ||' || X || ||\(/\/|| ||=)O(=|| ||/\/)\|| || X || || / \ || ||/\X/\|| jgs |(_/o\_)| '._____.' Hill Of Crosses http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hillofcrosses.html --- ...Quite memorable! Thank You LouiseA! On the lighter side we have one from my daughter Tammy. She saw this on FB and couldn't believe it was real. So we checked it out. Quite Amazing! |\ /| |\ /| | \ / | |\\ //| | | | | | \| |/ | \ | | / \ || || / \ |_| / \||_||/ .' '. .' '. | | |o o| / \ /= Y =\ `'-. .-'` `'-.^.-'` _| |_ _| |_ /` `\ /` `\ | / \ | | | |/ \| | ( ) | / \ /\ \ / /\ | .-~-. | | '._)_.' | \ { } / \ / jgs \ '-=-' / \ '.___.' / .--' ;---; '--. .--' \---/ '--. `-------' '-------` `-------' '-------` World's Largest Bunny! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bunny.html ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Typical Texas Baby _.--. .-"`_.--.\ .-.___________ A Texan bought a round ."_-"` \\ ( 0;------/\"'` of drinks for all in ,."=___ =)) \ \ / \ the bar and announced `~` .=`~'~) ( _/ / / \ that his wife had =`---====""~`\ _/ / \ just produced a `-------"` / \ typical Texas baby, jgs / \ weighing a whopping ( ) twenty pounds. '._ _.' '----' "WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar. Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "10 pounds." The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened? The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 6 is Sorry Charlie Day April 7 is Caramel Popcorn Day and No Housework Day April 8 is All is Ours Day and Draw a Picture of a Bird Day April 9 is Name Yourself Day April 10 is Golfer's Day and National Siblings Day April 11 is Eight Track Tape Day and Barbershop Quartet Day April 12 is Big Wind Day and Russian Cosmonaut Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ( ) ( ___...(-------)-....___ .-"" ) ( ""-. .-'``'|-._ ) _.-| / .--.| `""---...........---""` | / / | | | | | | \ \ | | `\ `\ | | `\ `| | _/ /\ / (__/ \ / _..---""` \ /`""---.._ .-' \ / '-. : `-.__ __.-' : : ) ""---...---"" ( : '._ `"--...___...--"` _.' jgs \""--..__ __..--""/ '._ """----.....______.....----""" _.' `""--..,,_____ _____,,..--""` `"""----"""` >Hot Coffee A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee. "This coffee," he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, "is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers." The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and returned shortly with another cup of coffee. "This one is much cooler, sir," he beamed. -<>- >Marriage Secret When I asked a friend the secret to his 52 years of marriage, he replied, "We never go to sleep angry." "That's a great philosophy," I noted. "Yes. And the longest we've been awake so far is five days." -<>- >Movies on TV Between chores in the kitchen and changing loads in the washer, I was also keeping an eye on the movie my husband, George, was watching on television. But the plot was becoming more and more convoluted, the action moving between scenes in an airplane and scenes on a farm. I usually enjoy unraveling mystery plots, but I couldn't follow the threads of this one. Finally I finished my chores and settled down to watch the rest of the movie. I was just getting involved with the characters in the airplane when George changed the channel. "I'm watching this!" I protested. But I needn't have worried...there on the screen were my friends on the farm. During my frequent trips in and out of the room, George had been switching channels, watching two movies at once. -<>- >Recycling Bin I was visiting my daughter, a successful young professional, when I noticed half a piece of French bread in its original wrapper in her recycling bin. When I told her that she shouldn't put bread in the recycling bin, she said, "Why not? It tastes like cardboard!" -<>- >The Trapper's Stove An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest. No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place ... 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location ... it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams. "Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ____ /(( )) ( )6 6( ) (_) l (_) \ <> ) ____) (_____ ( \____/ ) ) ( )( ) ( / / \ / \ \ / / \ / \ \ \ \ )==( / / \ \ / \ / / '\\/ \//' '|\` '|\` \ / \ / ) ( jgs/akg / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ `-...., ,..-' `-..-' >A WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS 1) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. 2) Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. 3) One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 LBS. 4) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely. 5) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. 6) The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. 7) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. 8) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. 9) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness. 10) I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire. 11) Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes! 12) Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat," Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. 13) A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care. 14) They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen witch ... do it and die." 15) The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.) 16) I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. 17) I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff. 18 If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? --- ...LOL! Stiletto heels are just as stupid! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` >Things That Drive A Sane Person Insane. The person ahead of you in the supermarket line has five million items in the 10 item express line. The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle. The person behind him dashes ahead of you to a counter just opening. The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on. When you're slowing down to find an address there's always a car riding your tail. You open a can of soup and the lid falls in. Your neighbor's dog barks at EVERYTHING, 24x7. You can never put anything back in a box the way it came. Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading. You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry is covered with Kleenex lint. The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing. You set the alarm 7 PM instead of 7 AM. You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing. You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it. You reach under the table to pick something up and smash your head on the way up. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! Here are a couple of my own... You feel like you need the jaws of life to get an item out of the hard plastic it is packaged in. You watch a car pass you as it swerves in and out racing high speed through traffic risking an accident only to wind up behind it moments later at the next red light. [So how much time did the idiot save? - ZERO!] ====================================================== >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) /\ / \ / _o \ / <(\ \ / />`A \ '----------` Stef A road crew supervisor in Minnesota hired Ole to paint the yellow line down the middle of route 32 heading up toward Bemidji. The supervisor was skeptical about hiring him since Ole didn't have any painting background, but he appeared enthusiastic and he told the supervisor that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lena told him so. He explained to Ole that his work on the day would be to complete 2 miles of center line on the road. He was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started. After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd painted 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two expected of him. He told Ole that he did an excellent job and said how pleased he was with his progress. On the second day, Ole completed painting just the 2 miles of road that was asked of him. His supervisor was surprised, because on the first day, he had completed twice as much work. But he didn't say anything, since 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure that Ole would pick up the pace again. On day 3, the supervisor was disappointed to learn that in his 8 hour shift, Ole completed painting only 1 mile of road. Ole was called to the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem. "On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. What's the problem, Ole?" "Vell," Ole replied, "I'll tell you vut is da problem, but I tought a smart man like you vould figger it out fer yourself. Every day I get farder and farder avay from da paint can." --- ...Oh for goodness sakes! Thanks Geniann! ==================================================== >--From Our Friend Karen :) .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' >A cow, an ant and an old fart A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating who is the greatest of the three of them. The cow said "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!" The ant said "I work day and night, summer and winter. I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I'm the greatest!" . . . . . . . . . . Why are you scrolling down. It's your turn now !! --- ...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks Karen! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From AFA: Attacks on Religious Freedom Underscore Why Protections Are Needed April 6, 2015 Indiana and Arkansas lawmakers headed back to the drawing boards recently to rewrite language for their states' respective Religious Freedom Restoration Acts (RFRA), due to heavy backlash from businesses and advocates of homosexuality. The angry opposition to religious freedom is the exact reason every state needs legal protections for faith. Every American, regardless of political or religious views, should be free to live and work according to their conscience without fear of punishment and backlash from the government. Regardless of what advocates of homosexual behavior say, our government was formed to be freedom's greatest protector, not its greatest threat. Read The Full Article here: http://tinyurl.com/pudulvo -<>- >From Our Friend Karen :) (Weird news) Couple Arrested For Selling “Golden Tickets To Heaven” JACKSONVILLE, Florida - Tito and Amanda Watts were arrested over the weekend for selling “golden tickets to heaven” to hundreds of people. The couple, who sold the tickets on the street for $99.99 per ticket, told buyers the tickets were made from solid gold and each ticket reserved the buyer a spot in heaven — simply present the ticket at the pearly gates and you’re in. “People can sell tickets to heaven,” a Jacksonville police spokesman said. “But the Watts misrepresented their product. The tickets were just wood spray painted gold with ‘Ticket To Heaven – Admit One’ written in marker. You can’t sell something as gold when it’s not. That’s where the Watts crossed the line into doing something illegal.” Tito Watts said in his police statement: I don’t care what the police say. The tickets are solid gold… it ain’t cut up two by fours I spray painted gold. And it was Jesus who give them to me behind the KFC and said to sell them so I could get me some money to go to outer space. I met an alien named Stevie who said if I got the cash together he’d take me and my wife on his flying saucer to his planet that’s made entirely of crack cocaine. You can smoke all the crack cocaine there you want… totally free. So, try to send an innocent man to jail and see what happens. You should arrest Jesus because he’s the one that gave me the golden tickets and said to sell them. I’m willing to wear a wire and set Jesus up… Amanda Watts said in her police statement: We just wanted to leave earth and go to space and smoke rock cocaine. I didn’t do nothing. Tito sold the golden tickets to heaven. I just watched. Police said they confiscated over $10,000 in cash, five crack pipes and a baby alligator. --- ...Wowsers! People never cease to amaze me! Thanks Karen! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Well, folks, tomorrow is Easter, or as some Christians like to refer to it; Resurrection Sunday. This is the holiday that defines Christianity. If Christ had never risen from the dead he would have just been another reformationist. Everyone in the world knows the story; Jesus was betrayed, judged by Pilate, turned over to his own people who condemned him, then he was tortured and crucified. Some people take this story a lot more seriously than others. In the Philippines, for example, Good Friday is celebrated with a reenactment of the crucifixion, right down to the flogging and the nails. Dozens of people were crucified in villages across the Roman Catholic country, in one of the world's most bizarre practices. The event drew more than 10,000 Filipino and foreign spectators. And this is done every year, often by the same people! You'd think it would be difficult to find volunteers to get nailed to a cross, but apparently people are lining up. Ruben Enaje, a 49-year-old sign painter, was nailed to a cross for the 24th time this year as his way of thanking God for his survival after falling from a building. And so you don't think the Philippines is some backward kind of country, they even have a female 'Jesus'. This year was her 14th crucifixion. The Church rejects such practices, of course, but you know how hard it is to keep people from having a good time. -<>- There was a bit of controversy a couple years ago when power companies first started installing so-called Smart Meters. Opponents said that the Smart Meters were too intrusive, tracking information about their power usage that amounted to an invasion of privacy. There were even a couple of stories about home owners who blocked technicians from installing Smart Meters in their homes, resulting in police intervention. As it turns out they were frightened of the wrong thing. While Smart Meters still MAY BE invading peoples' privacy with the amount of information they track, the real danger comes from them exploding. Granted, the explosions were caused by a dump truck crashing into a substation in Stockton, California, but on the other hand you didn't see a lot of stories about the old meters exploding. The power company said the dump truck hit a utility pole which caused some transmission wires to come in contact with each other, creating a power surge. The explosions started at around 8:30 a.m. and interrupted power to more than 5,000 homes. Residents in the area described it as a large pop or a bomb going off, and strong enough to shake a house. Yeah, maybe the power company knowing what time of day you run your washing machine isn't the most dangerous feature of these things. *-- April Fools' Day prank gone wrong burns Michigan apartment --* ALLENDALE, Mich. (UPI) - A Michigan college student's April Fools' prank gone wrong was blamed for an apartment fire that led to a building being evacuated, firefighters said. The Allendale Fire Department said crews from Allendale, Blendon Township, and Georgetown Township responded Wednesday morning to battle the blaze in an apartment near the campus of Grand Valley State University. Investigators said the fire apparently started when one of the four female college students living in the apartment tossed a fire cracker at a roommate as part of an April Fools' Day prank and the firework landed in hamper, igniting the laundry inside. Neighbors said the girls knocked on the doors of other units in the search for a fire extinguisher, but the fire had grown too large by the time they were able to bring one back to the apartment. Capt. David Pelton of the Allendale Fire Department said the fire was the first he knew of to be started by an April Fools' prank. The extent of the damage to the building was unknown Wednesday, but residents were allowed to return to two of the building's six units. Firefighters said other residents were expected to be able to return later Wednesday, but the apartment where the fire started was unlikely to be considered safe. Firefighters said the girl whose prank ignited the flames probably won't face charges from the incident. *-- Six Texas high school students busted in '21 Jump Street' style sting --* PEARLAND, Texas (UPI) - Authorities in Texas said six high school students were arrested on drug charges in an operation that echos the plot of the 21 Jump Street TV show and film. The Brazoria County Sheriff's Office said it worked together with the Pearland Independent School District to have a deputy enrolled as a high school student at Pearland High School from Aug. 25, 2014, to Dec. 19, 2014, and then at Dawson High School from Jan. 6 of this year until March 27. The sheriff's office said two juveniles were arrested at Pearland alongside adult student Aaron Coleman, 18. Dawson students Kevin Lambert, 18; Jonathan Gonzales, 17; and Matthew Van Richardson, 18, were also arrested. Investigators said they seized drugs including cocaine, marijuana, alprazolam and tramadol during the course of the operation. The arrested students are facing charges including delivery of marijuana, delivery of a controlled substance and delivery of a dangerous drug. "I appreciate the collaborative efforts of the county and city to safeguard the lives of our students through a combination of law enforcement and preventive measures. It is critical that we remain proactive, vigilant and intolerant with regard to drug offenses affecting our students," Pearland ISD Superintendent John Kelly said in a statement. The sheriff's office said the Brazoria County Sheriff's Office Narcotics Task Force and the Pearland Police Department participated in the operation. "School is not a place that you should come in and try to sell your drugs, or come in and buy drugs, you go there to be educated," Sgt. James Brawner of the Brazoria County Sheriff's Office told KPRC-TV. He said the investigation is continuing. "There is still ongoing off campus investigations," Brawner said. "We have wrapped up on campus, and now we are moving out into the communities and trying to further it that way." *-- Slushie-seeking girl, 4, leaves home in the middle of the night --* PHILADELPHIA (UPI) - A Philadelphia 4-year-old who wandered away from home at 3 a.m. and boarded a bus in a search for a slushie has promised to wait for her parents next time. Harlan Jenifer, driver of the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority No. 56 bus, said a man flagged down his vehicle about 3 a.m. Friday in the Tacony neighborhood and told him he had found the young girl wandering the streets alone. "Got to be kidding me! At this time, at 3 o'clock on the morning," Jenifer told WPVI-TV. "She's a small little thing. It kind of just shocked me." The girl, Annabelle, got onto the bus while Jenifer called police. "All I want is a slushie, that's all she said!" Jenifer said. "It was too funny," Jenifer told the Philadelphia Inquirer. "I was scared for her, but it was funny. She was in good hands." Annabelle's parents, Jaclyn Mager and Timothy Ridgeway, said the girl has promised not to wander off on her own in the future, but they changed the locks on their home just in case. "There are no words, he saved my daughter's life," Mager said of Jenifer. "I'll be forever grateful." *-- Arizona man reaches into used golf bag, finds loaded pistol with safety off --* BULLHEAD CITY, Ariz. (UPI) - An Arizona man who was surveying the bag of a recently purchased used set of golf clubs says he found a loaded pistol inside one of its pouches. Mel Grewing and his wife, Cheryl, originally spotted the clubs in a thrift store in Sedona, the Mojave Valley Daily News reported. Though he already owned a set, Grewing purchased the clubs and brought them to the couple's seasonal home in Bullhead City. While searching the golf bag's pouches for extra balls, tees and other accessories, Grewing says he found a Browning Arms .22-calber match-shooting pistol. A loaded magazine was inserted and the safety was off, he said. "If a child would have pulled that out and pulled the trigger, something (tragic) could have happened," Grewing told the Daily News. The Grewings already own similar firearms and say they are recreational target shooters. The couple took the pistol to the Bullhead City Police Department, which found through a search of federal databases that the weapon was not reported stolen and was not registered to an owner. Grewing said he and his wife would keep the gun. "If no owner is located or contact attempts have failed, the gun may be released to its finder," department spokeswoman Emily Fromelt told the Daily News. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: >Ten Things All Women Need To Hear... .-=-. ////"\\ .=. ( 6 6 ) //"\\ \ - / (/6 6\) _.) (._ )\ = /(-` `:` `\ _(_ ) ( _)-| : |\ \ (_/ `\_/` \ | : |/ / / (_ @ _) \\_ : _/ / \ \)___(/ / |===|_) \/`"""`\/ | L | | | | | | | | | | | |_____| | | | ||| | | | ||| | | | ||| |_|_| jgs / Y \ / T \ `"`"` `"`"` I heard this on the radio while driving into work this morning and thought the men on the list might find it useful (or at least amusing). According to researcher Patty Lamberti, following are the ten things all women need to hear from the man in their lives... 1. "You're beautiful." Don't just tell her she's beautiful when she's dressed up. Tell her first thing in the morning, or during a quiet moment. 2. "You're a great lover." Make sure you tell her how great her skills are, especially if you'd like to try something new. 3. "You're so smart." Be sure to tell her how much you value her greatest asset--her mind. 4. "You're my best friend." If your relationship is to last, this should be the truth, not just something you tell her. 5. "You're the most important thing to me." Make sure she knows she outranks everything. 6. "I would never lie to you." And make sure this isn't a lie! 7. "I have never cheated on you." Make sure your woman knows she has no reason to suspect you. 8. "I'd be lost without you." A woman wants to know that you don't just want her and love her, you also NEED her. 9. "You're funny." The couple that laughs together stays together. 10. "I love you." These words are often the hardest for men to say. But there's nothing a woman would rather hear. -<>- Aboard the USS TARAWA for six months, my brother Don posted a picture of his beloved truck in his locker. Since his fellow Marines had pictures of their girlfriends posted, they often ridiculed him for his object of adoration. "Laugh all you want," Don told them, "At least my truck will still be there when I get home." -<>- A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, "What 20 Million American Women Want." He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages. His wife was a little annoyed. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" He calmly replied, "I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right." -<>- Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?" One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there." [Reader's Digest.] -<>- "Do you remember first meeting your wife?" "Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would begin a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again." "Wow, I hope she appreciates what you did for her." "Not really. Jill hated to give up bowling." -<>- A Texan, trying to impress a Boston native with tales about the heroes of the Alamo, says... "Why, I'll bet you never had anyone so brave around Boston." "Humpf! Ever hear of Paul Revere?" asked the Bostonian. "Paul Revere?!" said the Texan. "Isn't he the guy who ran for help?" -<>- There's a scuba diving geologist who has made it his business to measure the relative sizes of the rises, drops, cavities and undulations of coral formations. Of course this can only be done in the summer months so he takes the winters off to avoid the frigid air. You may tag him as a frost-free reef ridge rater. -<>- I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the file that contained my very extensive medical history. After he finished all seventeen pages, he looked at me and said, "Bill... you look better in person than you do on paper." -<>- Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time. On the third hole, a miracle occured & Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!" He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover". "It's the biggest dam I know." he replied. -<>- ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb >Joe's Responses: Thanks for the great response, everybody. Not surprisingly, many of the suggestions of 'things a man needs to hear from the woman in his life' which came from men I am unable to reprint here. However, by combining the suggestions from both men and women I was able to come up with a top ten list. Of course, in no particular order... 1. "I'm sorry." One of the most important things I learned to say to my wife. --Russ 2. "I sent the kids to my mothers house for the night, wanna play twister?" --Lenny Bennett 3. The one thing I'd like to hear from a women occasionally is the sound of silence! --chuck 4. "Let me pay tonight." --Steve 5. "Yes." --ellen 6. "Can I get you another beer?" --All 7. "I put air in the tires and checked the oil." --Maygyver 8. "I don't need any new clothes. Go ahead and buy that new $400 driver and plan that golf outing with the guys." --JW 9. "I admire you, I'm proud of you." Joe, I was married 30 years, so I feel I have a bit of insight. A man can face all the garbage of the outside world if he believes the woman he loves believes in him. --Mary 10. "I really appreciate it when you go to the grocery store for me." --Gary ========================================================= >-->From Laugh & Lift: __ /_/\/\ \_\ / /_/ \ \_\/\ \ \_\/ unknown >Happy Easter "Resurrection" Sunday! :) :) A friend of mine, Frank Harris, wrote a WONDERFUL, epic Easter song a few years back that goes from crucifixion to resurrection to VICTORY. We even performed it together for a church service in 2006. I shared this song in '08 and was blessed to hear that it was a blessing to many of you. I just love this song when the victory is pronounced at the end! Enjoy. :) To listen, just click here: http://www.laughandlift.com/members/audiovideo/itisdone.html Chris -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Thought for Today [edited] "When Jesus rose from the grave, He proved Himself Lord over all creation - because only the One who made all - could overcome death itself. Jesus is alive, and because He is alive, we can trust Him completely and fully. Our God too is not dead. He is alive. And all will stand before Him and give an account for what they did with that knowledge! Some may try to reject it, others may try to explain it away. But Jesus Christ is alive and God will have the final say when all is said and done. May we believe this day in this simple truth: Jesus Christ, sinless in all ways, died in our place to pay a penalty that we could not, and God rose Him again 3 days later. Hallelujah! He is ALIVE! Jesus is ALIVE!" - Chris Long -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >The Lift Do? or DONE! Reflections on the meaning of Easter (by Roy Irwin) [Edited] "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen!" Luke 24:5 (NIV) If you are like many people around the world, you attended an Easter service, maybe even getting up early to attend a sunrise service. For many people, Easter is one of only two times they will attend any type of religious services during the year; the other being Christmas. Yet despite Easter's popularity, many people walk away without grasping the significance of the event - their lives unchanged in any way. Today marks the end of another Easter season... or does it? I would like to share with you a different perspective on Easter, and why it does not end today, or even over 2000 years ago, and why it gives us real hope TODAY and EVERY DAY. It is found in the answer to the following question. Someone once asked: "What is the difference between Religion and Christianity" The person gave this response: "When I hear the word Religion, I think of the word 'Do'. When I hear the word Christianity, I think of the word 'DONE'!" That answer, sums up the entire story of Easter, Jesus' ministry and the whole of what separates Christianity from every other religion! We live in a society where people are used to working to receive something. So people try to earn their way into heaven by going to church, giving money, living moral lives, etc. That is where we get the word 'religious' - from doing something again and again. Henry David Thoreau said that "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." Many desperately HOPE that they can 'DO' enough to earn their way into heaven. The Bible speaks of the futility of this way of trying to get to heaven in Proverbs 14:12: "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." (NIV) There has to be another way, and there is...Jesus Christ! The Easter message is that Jesus died, and rose again three days later, yet the significance of His death is found in the last words that He spoke while He hung on the cross. Jesus' last words on the cross were "It is finished." John 19:30 (NIV). The original text gives the word as "Tetelestai." It is a commercial word that literally means "It is paid; the debt is paid." Jesus Christ paid for our sin debt by His death on the cross, and in doing so, purchased a place for each of us in heaven with Him. He triumphantly rose from the grave, overcoming Death itself, and made the way for us to live forever with Him in Heaven! But what about my shortcomings? "It is PAID!" But what about my failures? "It is PAID!" But what about my doubts? "It is PAID!" Because of Jesus Christ's victory over 2000 years ago, we can celebrate the reality of Easter every day! We have the promise of eternal life in heaven! Jesus said: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:2-3 (NIV) A place for us in heaven? "It is PAID!" I would like to leave you with an illustration that our Pastor shared this Sunday. It was about a slave living in Missouri who went to sleep. During the night there was a violent rain storm, and the rain fall caused the Mississippi River to rise. The slave awoke the next morning to find that the Mississippi River had cut into the river banks. To his surprise he found that he was no longer in Missouri, which was a slave state, but he was now in Illinois, which bordered Missouri, and which was a free state. He was now a free man!!! 2000 years ago, Jesus Christ died in our place on a cross at Calvary. The blood that He shed on the cross forms a river of Grace that can set us free from the bondage of our failures and sin. Are you still trying to 'DO'? Trying to make it to heaven on your own? Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6 (NIV) Jesus wasn't saying: 'Do'. He said: "It is PAID!" He was saying: 'DONE'!!! "Lord Jesus, thank you for providing a place for each of us in heaven. You died on the cross in order to pay for our sin and shortcomings so that we might live in heaven with you. You offer eternal life as a free gift. Help us to accept that gift and remember the price that was paid for it. Help us to celebrate Easter in our hearts every day, all year long. Amen" (Copyright 1998 Argyle Giraffe Productions. This may not be resold or used for the enhancement of any product sold without the written permission of Argyle Giraffe Productions.) --- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' ...My two cents on this... "What is the difference between Religion and Christianity"? This is my response: "When I hear the word Religion, I think of 'Man Made'. When I hear the word Christianity, I think of 'God Made'!" Romans 10: [9] That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. [10] For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. Notice the word 'shalt' used in Romans 10:9? Whenever the bible uses 'shall' instead of 'will', it means absolutely without a shadow of a doubt! If the word 'will' was used, it would mean it could change according to circumstances involved. God is assuring us that this is an absolute! No changes! And again here in verse 13 He confirms it... "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." -<>- ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' >Quick Jokes An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears. "Doctor, my memory's gone. Gone! I can't remember my wife's name. Can't remember my children's names. Can't remember what kind of car I drive. Can't remember where I work. It was all I could do to find my way here." "Calm down. How long have you been like this?" "Like what?" -------- My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Remove bowling ball from trunk". -------- The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ... BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign,reading ... LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read ... MAIN ENTRANCE. -------- "I'm into golf now. I'm getting pretty good. I can almost hit the ball as far as I can throw the clubs." - Bob Ettinger -------- >Rules to live a long life: - Don't throw a brick straight up. - Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them. - Don't microwave yourself too often. - Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets. - If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actually raise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck. - No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo. - Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles. - When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end. - Don't take long naps while driving. -------- >No Nursing Home For Me With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188.00 per day, there is a better way to spend our savings, when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and a senior discount. It comes to only $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for: 1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. 2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer,etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. 3. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. 4. There is city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The Handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). 5. To meet other nice people, call a Church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise the cash keeps building up. 6. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And - you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too. 7. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience. 8. The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. 9. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and will probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for? So . . . When I reach the Golden age, I'll face it with a grin -- Just forward all my email to: me@Holiday_Inn! SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Thailand's Tigers 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger2.html Moon Photography Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonart.html Gay Agenda http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/gayagenda.html Maria The Goose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html 100 Years Ago http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/yearsago.html Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogs.html Most Extreme House! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehouse.html Ten Tips For Living! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tips.html Athlete Homes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes.html Sand Art 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart4.html Pay It Forward! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html Lambo Aventador! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lambo.html Chinese Wal-Mart http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html Extreme Rednecks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html Morons At Work http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) He sent us one we have here... Ice Bubbles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bubbles.html --- ...Love this! Thanks PatDeE! The best animal shots you'll ever see! http://www.rense.com/general96/shots.html Cool Ad https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/Dxy4n0UT82o?rel=0 --- ...Wow! Mesmerizing! Thanks PatDeE! Shows how easy to make things look real on video! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) This nice looking dog has wanted a kitty cat for a friend for awhile and is excited because it appears that his wish to have a cat is coming true. A cat is definitely a much better pet friend for a dog than the other options his owner discusses with him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kI4yoXyb1_M A clip from the movie "Animals Are Beautiful People", a hilarious documentary on the wildlife of the Namib Desert. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5E5TjkDvU0&feature=player_embedded This older cat has given up on trying to get rid of the new kitty addition to the family, and will now explain to the young kitten how life works in their home life with the humans. Don't drink anything while watching this, I made that mistake, and am still cleaning leftovers from my shirt. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4Sn91t1V4g&feature=player_embedded --- ...HaHa! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) How to Improve Your Immune System Naturally http://www.ehow.com/how_5785279_improve-immune-system-naturally.html Gluten Free Gooey Pumpkin Pie Cake http://glutenfreefix.com/gluten-free-gooey-pumpkin-pie-cake/ Slow Cooked Beef Stew http://tinyurl.com/obxvrzv --- ...Yum! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Worst Kamikaze Attack in WWII About the best naval footage ever shot by a Navy cameraman. The camera was in the gun turret under attack. http://tinyurl.com/m4kgkyp Donkey Whisperer http://www.youtube.com/embed/F6etfJgZQ7A?feature=player_detailpage This is pretty neat. AeroMobil: Flying car http://www.aeromobil.com/ --- ...Cool! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend gh0striders :) The start of the Thailand space program...ya gotta see this! I suppose every Space Program has to start somewhere. https://www.youtube.com/embed/pD_yQZ4iNjY?rel=0 This video of a Fireworks Show in China is a treat for the eyes. Less than 2 minutes in length but with shapes that I've never seen before. This Hunan Province town is where fireworks were invented and the show has never been equaled in the West. The Chinese are, not only, the inventors of fireworks they are, still, the masters: http://tinyurl.com/o2ywz8d --- ...Fun to watch! Thanks gh0striders! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The makers of Bowflex have been ordered to pay a $1 million penalty because some people were injured while using the machine. The company was shocked, and said, "You mean, some- body actually used their Bowflex? Nobody uses their Bowflex!" --Conan O'Brien "NBC has renewed 'Joey' for another season. And no one could be happier with the decision than Joey's viewer...who called in earlier today." --Craig Ferguson "It's spring time and that means prom season. Prom brings back so many horrible memories for me. I had to take my cousin to the prom. I don't know who was more embarrassed – him or me." --Dave Letterman "A photo shoot for this month's Vanity Fair turned into chaos when a cat fight broke out between the cast of "Desperate Housewives." Cops raced to the scene and said, Yes!'" --Craig Ferguson "A man in England is marketing a cell phone in the shape of a Star Trek communicator. The man says the Star Trek cell phone works great but that it is unable to make contact with women." --Conan O'Brien "Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." --Frank Leahy "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." --Oscar Levant "It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to- day basis." --Margaret Bonnano >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************