Things Learned Living In The South... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) . `. | `. | | _ __________ | ( ) ._ `-n |/ (_,/ / /\, `-n. `--`' / /\, `-n-.\\_ (, \< `-=======. //\_,)) .'|------. \`( )') .'| |------. \ V / .' | |------. ) ( | | r------ ( [ _\ | r-' | | )/ \) | r-' | | L \>r-' | .=======-' | .------|`. .------| `. .------| |`. _ ___a:f_______ ------n | `. ( )_._ `-n | | /, .-,) `-n | | ( | `-n | /, )-' _ `-|=(< \|. _ .-'\\ _ .'|- `) | ( ) .-' \\ ( ) .'| |----- . |`-,-' `>-'/ .' | |------. \\_ _, ;____/ : | r------ ) )\ .-' /. ( | r-' | / /| \.-' /,\ \ | r-' | //'\| \\ > r-' ' ------------------- ------------------ Like any move, it was very stressful, but I am most pleased to announce that there will no longer be any Yahoo Error 999 generated from my cyber home website any more! Praise God! We put up with it for well over a year and it was time to relocate and say good riddance to it forever! Now that the site has been moved, I ask that if you come across any non-loading pictures or files or links, PLEASE let me know right away so I can fix it. I think I have all my files moved from Yahoo but it is hard to test over 800 pages to make sure they all load correctly. Thank you all for your patience during this trying time! Huggums and God's most Abundant Blessings to you! -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super steamer is from our friend KarenF. I actually had to look this one up because it was so unbelievable. The illusion this artist gives is absolutely amazing! Check it out here... ,d$b ,d$$P' ,d$$$' ,d$$$P' ,d$PB$' ,d$$$P' d$$$P' d$$$P' ___,,---''\ d$$P' ___,,---'' \_/'\P' \ __ ,---,_ | _/' \ ,-" `\\ \ `)/`\ \ | \ )`-`\_-'"'\ \ \ `--'`\/ `\ ) \ \ `\ `,_\-' \ \ \_,' \ \ ___,,---'' \___,,---'' pb Diddi 3D Drawings http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/diddidrawings.html --- ...Wow! Stunning! Thanks KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Predictions . . : . Astrology tells us about you and your '. . : . .' future simply by your birthday. ._ '._.-'''-._.' _. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year '-..' '..-' of your birth. Demographics --._ /.==. .==.\ _.-- tell us what ou like, dislike, ;/_o__\ /_o__\; whom you vote for, what you -----|` ) ( `|----- buy and what you watch on TV. _: \_) (\_/) (_/ ;_ --' \ '._.=._.' / '-- Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes _.-''. '._.' .''-._ a step further: simply by your ' .''-.(_).-''. ' job title, people will have jgs .' ' : ' '. you all figured out... ' : ' ' MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales. SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life. TECHNOLOGY/MIS: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but who the heck can tell?! It is written that the Geeks shall inherit the Earth. ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest "ergo-dynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel"... FINANCE: The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, AND mail a letter! MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/"TEAM LEADS": Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers", as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager". SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Senior Managers", as everyone in your social circle is a "Senior Manager". CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service". Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager. CONSULTANT/CONTRACTOR: Just three little numbers... 666. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 22 is Ratcatcher's Day July 23 is National Vanilla Ice Cream Day July 24 is Amelia Earhart Day July 25 is Threading The Needle Day July 26 is All Or Nothing Day July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day July 28 is National Milk Chocolate Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ____________ _..._ | ________ | ___ .' `. ____________ ||s`edewS || | /`. .-' \ | ||rehctuB || | )X / X. "\ | || pohS || | | (_) _/ | ||________|| | /((())) / \_____ | | ] | | \______/ // \ | | | | _..-) // (\/)\ | | | | / .\\_..-' \ \/ \ | | | |_/ \ `. Mom \___| | | / | \ / _____|__________| / / / / _______ | ./| / / _|____\_| | / \ / _) \__ \ / (_\ \() ___|_____|____ / / \\_\/ __/ | |/ /___| ..'`..'| | | _/_/ | JRO .'(( ((( |__| |(__() | .'((( ((( .'__| | |______|________ ((( (( ((`. | | | / ((((( (((((`.| | | / ((( ((( ((.'| | / / `..-''-....' |___________|/ / >Butcher Shop A woman walks into a butcher shop and asks the butcher about the price for a pound of tenderloin. "$12 per pound," replies the butcher. "Are you sure? That can't be," says the lady. "Look, madam, it says right here on the card that it's $12 per pound." "But that seems so high compared to other butchers in the area." "Lady, maybe they gave you the price for a poorer cut of beef." "No, the butcher across the street said it was $9 per pound," she says. "Well, then, why don't you go buy it there?" asks the butcher. "Because they are all out." "Well, when I'm all out, I sell it for $8 per pound," retorts the butcher. -<>- >Gym Membership Everyone vows to join a gym and go three days a week. Yeah, right. A woman once called me at the health club where I used to work. "I got a note saying it was time for me to renew my membership," she said. "As much as I love to work out, I don't think I'll renew." "Fine," I said, "but you'll have to come down here to fill out cancellation forms." After a long pause - "Umm, where are you located?" -<>- >Repent My neighbor, who has always been a very religious person, now believes the end of the world is near and preaches that people should repent and forego their earthly possessions. I am not a disbeliever or anything, but there's one thing I find completely incongruent with his belief: Why does he refuse to give me his Porsche? -<>- >Replacement Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots -- outdoor gear of all kinds was piled high in the garage. One day I found my wife staring at the mess. "I hope I die first, so I don't have to get rid of all this," she sighed. "Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go first, you can put an ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check out the stuff, you can pick out a replacement for me." Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. Whoever would want all this stuff wouldn't be my type." -<>- >Wedding Advice At a wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. The bride's grandparents took the honors. The DJ asked them: "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?" The grandmother said: "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'" Everyone then looked at the grandfather for his answer. He, wisely, answered: "She's probably right." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouuiseA :) >SMILES .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' My 17 year old daughter, Steph who had just received her provisional driving license offered to drive us to church. After a wild ride, we finally reached our destination. Steph's mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you." "Anytime," Steph replied. As my wife slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God." ------------ An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely. "The front row please," she answered. "You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring." "Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired. "No," he said. "I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly. "Do you know who I am?" he asked. "No," she said. "Good," he answered. ------------ From a blonde's job application: Name of High School: *Central* Dates Attended: "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday." ------------ I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet. ------------ One of our kindergarten students decided to see what would happen if he poked a pencil into his ear, and sure enough, the eraser end popped off and lodged in his ear. During the lengthy removal process, I was chatting with him to keep him still and asked, "Didn't your mother ever tell you to never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear?" "Nope!" he replied. "My mom always says that with me, what goes in one ear always comes out the other!" -------- __ _ / l \~-_ ,----~~~~--+-----`--~----____ @ /~_~\ | ~ | /~_~\~~~-, \_ ( (_) ) \_______| ( (_) )_-~ ~~\___/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\___/~ John Punshon A senior citizen bought a brand new BMW Z4 convertible and drove it out of the salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 120 mph; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. He flew down the M 4, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him!" he thought as he floored it to 140 mph, then 150 then 160. Suddenly, he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman and replied, "Years ago my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman. -------- A lonely frog, desperate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store. His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?" "No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class." ------- ____________ .F............T. | .----------. | | |',' ',' , | | _......_ .''''''''''. | `----------' | _+' `+_ .' '. _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ _/.-. _...._ .-.\_ _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ (_)`-' __[]__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __{}__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __/\__ `-'(_) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' Lester is driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Lester, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Lester says, ''I know, I'm right here. But there isn't just one, there are hundreds!' ------------ In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.. "Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us." She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: "DON'T SELL THAT COW." ----- : : __ | | _,_ ( ~~^-l_____],.-~ / \ ")\ "^k. (_,-" `>._ ' _ `\ \ _.-~/'^k. (0) ` (0 .-~ { ~` ~ ..T That Wasn't Me! / . "-.. _.-' / Y . "T Y l ~-./l_ | \ . .<' | `-.._ __,/"r' l .-~~"-. / I Y Y "~[ | \ \_.^--, [ \ _~> | \ ___)--~ | ^. : l ^. _.j | Y I | l l I Y \ | -Row \ ^. | \ ~-^. ^. ~"--.,_ |~-._ ~-. | ~Y--.,_ ^. : : "x \ \ \. \ ] ^._ .^ ~~ ->Possum<- >Things learned living in the South A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. Onced and Twiced are words. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy! Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom? People actually grow, eat and like okra. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?' You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see. You work from cain't see to cain't see. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em. Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal. You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car. [Why else would you carry them?] You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup. [Everyone knows ketchup is a vegetable. The other spice is bar-b-que sauce.] The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip. [Don't forgit the obits] Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss(first name) or Mr.(first name) You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. [In NC the first day of bear season IS a state holiday] You know what a hissy fit is..[And you know how to pitch one] Fried catfish is the other white meat. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!! --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) '! !' '\).-.(/' .) o o (. n (o) n' .-@ =-= @-. / .'=._.='. \ .-' '-.".-' '-. )_ /-._,6,_.-\ _( '. /. " .\ .' '"' ; ; '"' '. .' 6: :6 : : '. .' : : '. .' ! ! : : .-. ! ' ; ' ; " '. .' "^Y$bpgd$P^" "Y$$P' fsc / \ A guy is walking along a Florida beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish. The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever." "Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life." "OK, then, I want to die after the Democrats balance the budget and eliminate the debt. "You crafty little bum," said the genie.. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend JoeL :) Future Of America? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rwmD4c_NxI&feature=em-share_video_user Military http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyauWrG6CM4&feature=em-share_video_user Troops Ordered To Kill All Americans Who Do Not Turn In Guns http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyfkQkchlu4&feature=em-share_video_user --- ...scary! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is nothing stronger than the bond between a mother and her child, except maybe for the lure of stolen clothes and a fear of going to jail. I can only assume that is what motivated a Florida woman to threw her baby at a deputy. The Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office says Ashley Taylor Wright tried to smuggle about $260 worth of clothing from a Dillard's dressing room. Apparently she had stashed the stolen merchandise in her baby stroller. Deputies approached her car in the parking lot as she left and asked her to get out. Authorities said the 23-year-old told the deputy, "You will have to shoot through the baby to get me." Probably not the best idea, since babies don't have a lot of stopping power when it comes to bullets. Deputies say she then ran from the car and threw the car seat with the baby inside at the deputy. The infant was not injured. Two other young children were also in the car. Wright faces several charges including child abuse. *-- Chinese museum shut down over alleged fake exhibits --* JIZHOU, China - Authorities in a Chinese city said they have shut down a museum following allegations that most of the facility's exhibits were fraudulent. Jizhou city authorities said the Jibaozhai Museum was shut down and is being investigated after Beijing writer Ma Boyong posted a blog entry alleging many of the museum's exhibits were fake, China's state-run Xinhua news agency reported Thursday. An official from Hebei Provincial Cultural Heritage Bureau, identified by the surname Li, told the Global Times the province is also investigating the museum. "Jibaozhai has no qualification to be a museum as its collections are fake and it hasn't reported to my depart- ment for approval," Li said. The Jibaozhai Museum was opened in 2007 at a cost of $88 million. It was declared a Grade 3A scenic spot and a patriotic education center by local authorities. Wang Zongquan, the museum's curator, has been accused by villagers of filling Jibaozhai with fake exhibits and misusing the public funds he was given for the facility. *-- Police: Woman hit tree while trying to run down ex-boyfriend --* IMMOKALEE, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said an intoxicat- ed woman who crashed a sport-utility vehicle into a tree was allegedly trying to hit her ex-boyfriend. Collier County Sheriff's deputies said investigators responded to a call from the Immokalee neighborhood around 2:15 a.m. Tuesday and saw Veronica Doctor, 45, walking away from the driver's side of the vehicle and appearing to have trouble balancing, WINK-TV, Fort Myers, Fla., reported Thursday. Deputies said Doctor smelled strongly of alcohol and refused to speak to them. A friend in the passenger's seat of the black GMC SUV told deputies Doctor had driven to her ex-boyfriend's house, where the former couple argued. The ex-boyfriend was contacted and told deputies Doctor started driving in circles in his front yard when he refused to answer the door around 2 a.m. and he went out to confront her about being drunk. The man said he attempt- ed to walk away at the end of the argument and she chased him with the vehicle. He said Doctor struck the tree while attempting to run him down. Doctor's blood alcohol content was measured at .259 at a local hospital, well over the legal limit of .08. Doctor was charged with aggravated assault and driving under the influence. *-- 'Batman' rappelled down building for marriage proposal --* CAMBRIDGE, England - A British Batman rappelled down the side of a building, fought a group of pretend criminals and used the recovered diamond ring to propose to his girlfriend. Ross Chilcott, 29, rappelled down the side of a building in the Markey Square area of Cambridge, England, tussled with a group of actors portraying the parts of criminals and took a diamond ring from one of the faux-crooks before dropping to one knee at the feet of his girlfriend, Amber Clarke, 28, cambridge-news.co.uk reported Monday. "I'm so surprised. I had no idea at all. I can't believe it," Clarke said. Clarke was lured to the right area by friend Hayley Woodroffe, 27, who was in on Chilcott's plot. "I thought it was amazing, especially since she had no idea. When we were walking up to the Guildhall she actually said, 'This is something that Ross would do,'" Woodroffe said. Chilcott said he got permission for the stunt from Cambridge City Council six weeks ago. "I just knew she would say yes," he said. "I wanted to do it on her birthday, which was June 5, but I couldn't find the right venue. She loves seeing me embarrassing myself and she likes Batman so I knew she'd love it." *-- Police: Thieves shoved hygiene products into underpants --* LAKE WORTH, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said two men allegedly stole hygiene products from a Family Dollar store by stuffing the goods into their underpants. The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office said Nicolas Williams, 24, and Vincent Wilder, 34, were arrested after employees at the Lake Worth store saw them allegedly stuff personal hygiene products into their underpants and attempt to leave the shop without paying, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Tuesday. Deputies said Williams had used electrical tape to fasten his underpants to his legs and keep the stolen products from falling down the legs of his pants. Wilder did not use tape on his legs. Williams and Wilder allegedly told police they planned to sell the $339.42 worth of hygiene products they took from the store. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) wannahug? _ _ / _ (o\-~-/o) _ (o\ ( 9 9 ) /o) \ \( (Y) )/ / \ ) ( / / \ _____/ )_( \____ hjw =_==( (===) )=_= `97 | \ ) ( / | \|vVv(__/,v#\__)V/|/|#.. >The Hug It was one of those mornings. You know the type. Things are tense. Our infant son had been up all night. My wife's eyes (along with the rest of her) were weary. My oldest son, the five-year-old, wasn't feeling his best either. He was slow getting ready for school. He understandably didn't feel like going. It was just one of those mornings. You know the type. As I drove him to school, he was quiet. When parents are tense and tired, the children feel it. They know by word and gesture when their acts and attitudes are less tolerated. After being fussed at, he was sullen. It was one of those mornings. You know the type. I walked him to his classroom as usual. He walked in, removed his coat and hung it up. I usually give my son a hug before I leave him in class. I knew today he really needed a big hug, and maybe so did I. He came forward with his arms outstretched. I bowed down, clasped my arms around him, closed my eyes and hugged him tight. Normally, I would only hug him for two or three seconds but on this morning, I held him tight as the seconds ticked by like dashed lines on the highway. All of a sudden, I felt him get heavier. Still clinging to my son, I opened my eyes. I understood why he had gotten heavier. His feet were off the ground. He had curled his legs up and his heels were only inches away from his backside. He clung. I clung. Sometimes in life no words are needed. As he folded his legs up and trusted his father to carry all of his weight, he didn't get heavier to my spirit. I actually felt lighter. It was a ritual repeated countless times through countless years from countless parents to countless children. The touch and embrace between a parent and a child, make them both feel more secure. It was one of those mornings. You know the type. ~Author Unknown --- ...Awww, we can all feel this hug! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) _______ ,-' `.__ ( `._ ) __ __ ) / .-/_,'._\-. ( You want my rope again Grandpa? / /,'d e_e b`.\ \ / &' \ - / `& `._ ( __) (__ ) \ .-' `-' `-. / \ ,'\ / \ /`. / j/ ,'Y Y`. \ j (_}' |_______| `.{_) \\ / \ // " / Y \ " `----^----' \ | / ( | ) \ | / )|( &=Y=& hjw (_/ \_) _____________ Ole was turning 78 and was overweight so his doctor put him on a diet, “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.” When Ole returned he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 pounds! “Why, that’s amazing! Did you follow my instructions?” Ole nodded… “I’ll tell you though, I thought I wuz gonna drop dead on dat 3 rd day.” “From hunger?” asked the doctor. “Heck no, from doin all dat darn skippin!” --- ...TeeHee! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. "But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer. "Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did." The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose." "Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way." --- ...LMAO! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ___ ,--[___]--, / \ |,.--'```'--.,| , |'-.,_____,.-'| || |'-.,_____,.-'| || | | _||_ | P A I N T | ///\\\ | | HHHHHH |'-.,_____,.-'| |||||| jgs `'-.,_____,.-'' |||||| I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my house. My sister pulled into the driveway, greeted me, and looked over my work. "Wow," she gushed, "you're an expert." Feeling complimented and satisfied, but...trying not to seem egotistical, I responded... "Once you get going, it's pretty easy!" She looked puzzled and wondering if I'd misunderstood her I asked, "What did you just say?" She replied, "I said, your neck's burnt!" -<>- /\ ( ;`~v/~~~ ;._ ,/'"/^) ' < o\ '".~'\\\--, ,/",/W u '`. ~ >,._.., )' ,/' w ,U^v ;//^)/')/^\;~)' ,/"'/ W` ^v W |; )/' ;'' | v' v`" W } \\ " .'\ v `v/^W,) '\)\.)\/) `\ ,/,)' ''')/^"-;' \ ". The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely. "Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?" At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage. Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "I guess it's that time of the month." -<>- An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last week we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'That's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' -<>- The letters T and G are very close to each other on a key- board. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again. -<>- Dad is from the old school, where you keep your money under the mattress--only he kept his in the underwear drawer. One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe, a can of spray paint with a false bottom - so he could keep his money in the workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it. "Oh, yes," she replied, "he put his money in it the same day." "No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!" I gloated. "They won't have to," my mom replied. "He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer." -<>- ___________ /.---------.\`-._ // || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || _____ ||`-._ \ _..._ || | __ ! || `-._ | _/ \|| .' |~~|| `-._ | .-`` _.`|| / _|~~|| .----. `-._| | _.` _|| | |23| || / :::: \ \ \ _.--` _.` || | |56| || / ::::: | | | _.-` _.|| | |79| || | _..-' / _\-` _.`O || | |_ || |::| | .` _.`O `._|| \ | || |::| | .-` _.` `._.' || '.__|--|| |::| \ `-._.-` \`-._ || | ": !|| | '-.._ | \ `--._|| |_:"___|| | ::::: | | \ /\ || ":":"|| \ :::: | | \( `-.|| .- || `.___/ / | | || _.- || | | / \\.-________\\____.....-----' \ -. \ | | \ `. \ \ | __________ `. .'\ \| |\ _________ LGB `..' \ | | \ \\ .' | / .`. | \.' | |.' `-._ \ _ . / \_\-._____) \_.-` .`'._____.'`. \_\-| | `._________.' "Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ========================================================= >-->From Laug&Lift: _ .--,-"" ""-. ( ) j- __. | | ' -'| |`--._____,+-. .';`--.___.' `. .' / _ | / ,-' _.-'o;__\ ( .' o.-' \)`. `j--..___.' ' / ) (/ _ `-._ `-/`--' ,----. (.' `--. `. `-._.'`._,-- >*_Actual Bumper Stickers _* (by Kemp Ruffner) - Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. - Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. - Cover me. I'm changing lanes. - As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. - Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let him sleep. - I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you. - I took an IQ test and the results were negative. - Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? - If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? - It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. - Forget about World Peace... Visualise Using Your Turn Signal! - Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. - Give me ambiguity or give me something else. - We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. - He who laughs last thinks slowest - Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. - Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. - Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. - Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. - i souport publik edekasion - We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated. - Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. - Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. - Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? - Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock. - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. -<>- The kind of behavior that once brought shame and disgrace now brings a book, movie, or a television contract. -<>- /\ ,'.' ',' _.,._ _,.-+`'+-._ .|. _.+'` `.' \ (___) ,' \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ _.-~`'~-._ _\_.-+'`'`+-._\ ag `,' `---` >*_Important Rules of Writing_* 1. Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent. 2. Just between you and I case is important. 3. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 4. Watch out for irregular verbs which have crope into our language. 5. Don't use no double negatives. 6. A writer mustn't shift your point of view. 7. When dangling, don't use participles. 8. Join clauses good, like a conjunction should. 9. Don't write a run-on sentence you have to punctuate it. 10. About sentence fragments. 11. In a letter themes reports articles and stuff like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart. 12. Don't use commas, which aren't necessary. 13. Its very important that you use apostrophe's right. 14. Don't abbrev. 15. Check to see if you have any words out. 16. As far as incomplete constructions, they are wrong. 17. Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. 18. It is important to never ever under any circumstances split an infinitive. 19. The active voice is preferred. 20. Use of the passive voice is to be avoided. 21. Eschew obfuscation. 22. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 23. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague. -<>- >*_Something Fun - Number Game!_* If you asked someone to pick a number between five and ten and then tried to guess it, you'd be wrong five out of six times. But here's a variation that will greatly improve your odds: Write the number 7 on a piece of paper and hide it. Now ask someone to respond quickly to these questions: "Five times Five?" "Six times Six?" "Name a color?" "Name a number between five and ten?" Most people will respond seven. -<>- ___ .-' `. / ._} __.-' .' ___...---"" / _.-"\ .-' / { { / / .' __.-'"; ; / _.-' >_..-' / / { _ [ .-' _.-; '-. .-' / '. / __{ \ '-.' | ; / \ _ '-.__; __.-' ; /_. { _.-' ; / \ "-.___. [ / _.-'\ '-._] \ } / / \ '-./ { '. '-. .' \ '--...___ .-'{ \ """"-----"" / fsc '-.___ .-' `-...______..---""" >*_Quick Jokes_* Customer: "Hello, I have a problem. My name is Bob Murton." Tech Support: "I'm sorry, but I can't help you with that problem." ------- A man had just had his annual physical exam and was waiting for the doctor's initial report. After a few minutes the doctor came in with his charts in his hand and said, "There's no reason why you can't live a completely normal life as long as you don't try to enjoy it." ------- There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks. "I've just figured out how to tie my shoes." "Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognizes his victory in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus doubt: "You're growing up, but why are you crying?" "Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it every day for the rest of my life." _SUBSCRIBE INFO_ Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Sand Sculpture Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart4.html God Is Like... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.html Animal Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends3.html Worms!! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html Leaf Art Painting! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/art.html Indian Paper Sculpture! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/indianart.html Real Pencil Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pencil.html Amazing Horse Trainer! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsetrainer.html Whale Rescue 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html Aww Animals 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals8.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) She sent us one we have here... Pay It Forward http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html --- ...An Awesome reminder! Thanks LouiseA! Paper? http://www.youtube.com/embed/V_gOZDWQj3Q?rel=0 --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) Cute Bear! http://www.wimp.com/awesomebear/ --- ...LOL! Oh My! Adorable! Thanks KarenF! Night time Ballet Air Show (*pretty cool* vid) http://www.youtube.com/embed/NmNps7-4Yv4 --- ...Awww, beautiful! Thanks KarneF! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Mount Everest-Monte Everest -360 panorama view from summit http://www.panoramas.dk/fullscreen2/full22.html uWall.tv | Listen to a Wall of Music http://uwall.tv/ Personal photo maker presentation http://worriersanonymous.org/Share/Photo/Photomaker.htm Useful Dog Tricks performed by Jesse (Original Video http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=P9Fyey4D5hg --- ...Pretty cool! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "It's illegal in baseball to use performance-enhancing drugs, but I watched the All-Star Game. Every commercial was for Viagra. During the game my son said, 'Dad, did he say 'reptile dysfunction?' And I said, 'Yeah, he did. They're talking about malfunctioning reptiles.'" -Dave Letterman "A Utah senator proposed a bill that would no longer require kids to go to school. But then someone noticed that the senator was just three boys in a trench coat standing on top of each other's shoulders." -Conan O'Brien "President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli is his favorite food. You know, it's one thing to lie to the voters, but when you're lying to kids, come on." -Jay Leno "Twinkies are back. You can get the Twinkies at your favorite supermarket or wherever you buy sponge rubber and foam insulation products." -Dave Letterman "There's a new website that allows you to use Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, surf the web, and read all the news in one place. That one place is called 'work." -Conan O'Brien "The FDA says it will limit the amount of pain reliever found in Vicodin. Which explains my new substitute for Vicodin: two Vicodin." -Jimmy Fallon "Residents of northeast Colorado want to divide Colorado into two states, and they want to call the new state North Colorado. If you're going to go to the trouble of creating a new state, give it a cool name like Danger Zone, or Colorado 2: The Reckoning." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study found that Americans are exercising more than ever but still not losing much weight. Not good - in fact, it's all I could think about on my jog to Dunkin' Donuts." -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new study in the Journal of American Medicine, marijuana can actually help make you thinner. Using marijuana can make you thinner unless you're taking it in brownie form." -Jay Leno "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." - Martin Luther King, Jr. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************