Those Were The Days And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $15 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) . . . . ,-,--. __| //``-, \ \_`\ )\a-a-? \ \ \_`(_=_/_-`__ \__, , \| | _ _,' ___7 ) | (_)(_`__(_,---' | ( _( ) | / /_| |________| __/__/__|__|_________) _________(__,_|)/ (__)|/____\(_______________ mic I am very pleased to announced we have a new sponsor for the website www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com. The summer is heating up! HMY Yachts will give you access to premium fishing and cruising outboard boats for your boating pleasure! Fishing and cruising outboard boats at HMY’s Outboard Boating Center will receive HMY’s industry-leading sales and marketing expertise. The visibility and sales results generated by their world-class team are just a few reasons why HMY is among the most influential yacht brokerage and new yacht firms in the U.S. . _\____ |_===__`. ==/ \/ '---"\ _ _ _ _/ ______/_______/_|_|_|_|_| _|--------------------==." \____________________.' LGB If you are looking for a quality outboard boat, be sure to check out this fine company here: HMY Yachts https://www.hmy.com/outboard-boats-for-sale/ You can always be assured that I only go with the best for you! Why? Because I care About you! :) -<>- >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first too hot to handle new page is from our friend MariT. It is a tender story that is sure to delight our animal lovers - especially those who remember crocodile hunter, Steve Irwin and his family - this man and his son may just remind you of them. Be sure to check this out along with its fun videos and virtual tour video here... , ,, , , ,; ; ;; ; ; ; , ; '; ; ;; .-''\ ; ; , ; ;` ; ,; . / /8b \ ; ; `; ; .;' ;,\8 | ; ; ` ;/ / `_ ; ;; ; ; ; |/.' /9) ; ; ` ; ; ; ,/' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; /_ ; ; ` ; ; `?8P" . ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; | ; .:: ` ;; ; ; ` ; ; `' `--._ ;; ;; ; ; ; ; `-..__..--'' ; ; ;; ; ; ; fL ; ; ; ; ; ; Lion Massages http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lionmassages.html --- ...Just amazing and so very heartwarming! Thanks MariT! Our Next flaming hot new page is from our friend KarenF. It is one that will intrigue you as well as leave you with some oos and awes! Certainly is a fun one you won't want to miss. Be sure to give it a few moments of your time and check it and its festival tour video out here... ___()___ _.-'' ,-'`-. ``-._ ,-' ,' `. `-. ,' ,' `. `. / / \ \ /_ / \ _\ ``-./_..---'''|``---.._\,-'' | | | | | | | , | `..' SSt Umbrella Sky Project http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/umbrellas.html --- ...Wow! What a colorful festival! Thanks KarenF! Our last hot new page is from our friends LouiseAu, Linda, Geniann and PatDeE. All this stress from the Pandemic and Biden will get to you if you let it. Instead, let's take some time out for some rib-tickling laughs. This page will take you away and leave you with a smile on your face. Be sure to check it out here... _ (=> HaaHaHa _c==] ~ \ |_ TTTT ___________O+-/x\_ __| || |_____________________ / ____ ___ _____ _____ _ __ __ ___ ___ | _ \ / _ \_ _| ___| | | \/ |/ _ \ / _ \ | |_) | | | || | | |_ | | | |\/| | |_| | | | | | _ <| |_| || | | _| | |___| | | | _ | |_| | |_| \_\\___/ |_| |_| |_____|_| |_|_| |_|\___/ cww Chuckles 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chuckles2.html --- ...LMAO! Love all of these! Thank you my friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: __i |---| |[_]| |:::| |:::| `\ \ \_=_\ jsm A blonde was eating her dinner when there was a ring at her phone. She answered it to find a telemarketer on the line. She told him politely that she didn't want it and hung up. She went back to dinner, and not long after, the telemarketer called again. "Take me off your list and have a nice day," she told him. Ten minutes later, the same telemarketer called back. "Listen, stop calling me and take me off your list!" she screamed into the phone. She returned to the phone a moment later with a note that she stuck to the phone. It read, "NO SOLICITING." -<>- _ /) mo / ) |/)\) /\_ \__|= ( ) __)(__ _____/ \\_____ | _ ___ _ || | | \ | | \ || | | | | | | || | |_/ | |_/ || | | \ | | || | | \ | | || | | \. _|_. | . || | || | || | || * | * ** * ** |** ** \))ejm97/.,(//,,..,,\||(,,.,\\,.((// A new widow requested the epitaph "Rest in Peace" for her husband's tombstone. When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to change the carving. This was impossible, the words were chiseled and could not be changed. "In that case," she said, "please add 'Till We Meet Again.'" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 24 is International Tiara Day, National Escargot Day and Victoria Day(Canada) May 25 is National Missing Children's Day, National Brown Bag It Day, National Towel Day - in the UK, National Wine Day, and Tap Dance Day May 26 is Sally Ride Day and World Otter Day May 27 is Sun Screen Day May 28 is Amnesty International Day, Don't Fry Friday and National Hamburger Day May 29 is International Jazz Day and Learn About Composting Day May 30 is Mint Julep Day and Water a Flower Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: _ /\,_/\| /==_ ( (Y_.) / /// U ) (__,_____) ) )' > `/ |._ _____ | | | ( \| ( | | | || | ,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_ b'ger . ,-/,_ A lawyer's dog is having a great time running around the neighborhood unleashed — it heads directly to the butcher shop and pilfers a roast. The butcher heads over to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer replies, "Absolutely," and the butcher informs him that he owes him $18.50 because his unleashed dog just stole a roast from his shop. Speechless, the lawyer, goes on to write the butcher a check for the damages. A few days later, the butcher checks his mailbox and discovers an envelope from the lawyer. Inside the envelope is an invoice that read: "$175 due for a consultation." -<>- There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define 'great' he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for IRS writing tax regulations. -<>- * _| __ (__ Question _) | * jgs >REAL QUESTION AT THE CHAPSTICK HOTLINE 9. "Hi, is this the chopstick hotline?" 8. "Okay, I removed the cap. Now what?" 7. "Can I use it to highlight passages in books?" 6. "Is it safe for my kitty's lips?" 5. "Is it true that the Chinese use these instead of forks?" 4. "I like to dress the tubes in tiny little clothes I make. Is this illegal?" 3. "Is it available in a spray?" 2. "I wrote a 22-page poem about ChapStick. Where do I send it?" 1. "I lost my ChapStick -- did anyone turn it in?" -<>- Mom: "Johnny, it's your turn to say Grace before dinner." Johnny: "But Mom -- if I thank God for broccoli, won't he know I'm lying?" -<>- A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder. -<>- "Latte" is French for “you paid way too much money for coffee.” ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _____________________________ / masqlsferh / / / / ertrttgzuf /__./ / / kokjvwehgk ________ / / ntyxomhjk- ________ / / tfhghhggzz _____ / / dfghgjzjkt / /____________________________/ - a:f - >SMILES Me to the postal carrier: This empty envelope must be from my sister Charlotte. Postal carrier: Now why would she send you an empty envelope? Me: We had an argument, and she's not talking to me. ---------- One of my students could not take my college seminar final exam because of a funeral. "No problem," I told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral. "You'll have to take the test early next week," I insisted. "I can't keep postponing it." "I'll take the test next week if no one dies," he told me. By now I was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?" I asked. "I don't know any of these people," he said. "I'm the only grave digger in town." ---------- A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library. "Yes, ma'am?" the librarian said. "I have a complaint! I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "Horrible?" "Yes. The worst I've ever seen!" the blond exclaimed. "What was wrong with it?" "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Are you the one who took our phone book?" ---------- A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!" The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days later." ---------- Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed, "YES! YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching." MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men! -------- .- _ _ -. / / \ \ ( ( (` (-o-) `) ) ) \ \_ ` -+- ` _/ / `- -+- -` -+- (`\ __ _ ___ _|_ ___ __..-`) \ \/ \/ | | __| |/| | __| |__ .-` \ / | __| |\| | _| | | \_/\_/ |___| |/| |_| |_| L\J |-._ ___ __ J/_\L ___ _ /| | || _ | / | |/ \| | __| | \ / | | O ||| || `| | |\_/| | |_ | \/ | |__ |||_|| _| |_ |/ \| | __| | |\/| | |_||___| o|_____| |\_/| |_| |_| |_| _____L/ \J_____ /|___J/\|/\L___|\ // |\/`\/| \\ // `-.-` \\ //___________________\\ \ ________ ________ / \ \ | | / / \ \_____| |_____/ / \ _____ _____ / \ \___] [___/ / \ / \ \`] [`/ / \ ` ` / \ O O / ___________\: :/____NDT____ \n/ An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight. The chief made a series of weird noises: "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z..." Then he added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight." Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?" The chief made the same noises: "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z..." Then he said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building." "Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter. The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z... from the short-wave radio." ---------- Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs. My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation. "I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager. "Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?" "Autumn," he replied ---------- A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then shared with them this fun fact: "There are no swear words in the Cherokee language." One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?" "That," the man answered, "is when we use your language." --------- /` |>18>> / | <-->From HandyHints: _ ( \nnnn / / (` \ / `-. \/ `, ) `` BP Get your tootsies ready for sandal season with a relaxing soak! Foot soaks soothe skin and help reduce pain, swelling, and inflammation. What to do? Fill a basin with warm water, 1/2 cup of Epsom salts, and a few drop of your favorite essential oil. If you have fresh flowers, add some pedals to the warm water. The coars salts exfoliate dead skin cells and nix inflammation, and the flowers and/or oils add a relaxing scent. Soak your feet for 30 minutes, then slather on moisturizing coconut oil. -<>- ____ .---[[__]]----. ;-------------.| ____ | || .--[[__]]---. | || ;-----------.| | || | || jgs |_____________|/ | || |___________|/ >Pack like a pro this travel season Free up your suitcase by following the 3:1 rule. What's the 3:1 rule? It's an easy way to pare down what you pack. Take three tops for every bottom. Just pick bottom that do triple duty, such as jeans or black pants, which you can dress up with accessories. -<>- ,-"-. _r-----i _ \ |-. ,###. | | | ,-------. | | | c| | ,--. | |' | | _______________ C| | (=====) ========= \_____________/ `==' cww (HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) >Ease coffee stains with a salty ice scrub To lift stubborn stains from unofficial kitchen 'appliances' - namely your coffee pot or teapot - add 5 ice cubes, 4 tsp of salt and 1 tbs of white vinegar to carafe. The vinegar breaks down coffee and tea stains while the ice and salt create scrubbing power that removes them. Swirl the mixture, then clean your pot with soap and water before using. -<>- | __________ | _ __ _ | | | /_\ / \ /_\ | | | =|= | // | =|= | | | ! \__/ ! | | | _ | | | ___ ___ //' | | | [___] _ :=| |=: __T_||_T__ |p= | | | ~| =)_)= | | [__________] | | | | | (_( |xXx| \_ _/ | | | | | )_) """"" \ / | | | \___| | | | | | | `========, | | | | | __`. .'_________________| |________|__________lc_| `. .' (____) \ _| |_... .;;;;;;;;. \ (________);;;; :;;;;;;;;;;: :::::::' '::::::::' Get your bathroom spic-n-span with everyday ingredients that you already have on hand. No need to buy special cleansers, or special ingredients...everything is already in your home! You can also add essential oils for a health-boosting aromatherapy experience... * Nix Mold and Mildew Let's call this the 'MILDEW PREVENTION SPRAY'! Steep 2 orange rinds in 1 quart of vinegar for 3 hours. Discard the rinds, and add 2 tbs. of rubbing alcohol. Pour into spray bottle once it's cooled, and spritz shower daily. Spa Boost: Add 10 - 15 drops of lemon essential oil. The antiseptic doubles as an energy booster. * Get Glass Sparkling With A Quick-Dry Spray Say 'bye bye'to streaky mirrors... What you need 2 c. water 2 tbs. vinegar 2 tbs. rubbing alcohol 1 spray bottle Mix ingredients above together in a spray bottle. Spritz on glass and wipe. The fast-drying formula won't leave any residue behind. Spa boost: Add 4-5 drops of peppermint essential oil. It helps disinfect surfaces, plus the scent improves memory and concentration. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Conservative News Channels https://smashleft.com/2021/05/ VP Kamala Harris, Not Biden, Called Jordan’s King Abdullah About Israel-Gaza Deal / Republicans Demand Space Force Commander Be Reinstated After Being Fired For Criticizing Marxism / Biden Tries To Claim Credit For Cease-Fire Between Israel And Hamas / Trump Announces He's Bringing His Signature Rallies Back to These Locations / Border County Sheriff Slams Biden and Harris: What They've Been Doing Is an 'Insult to Anybody Who Wears a Badge' AND MORE: https://thescoop.us/ Notre Dame Cancels Biden Over Abortion Stance / Chicoms Call Australia ‘Insignificant’ and Tells Them They Will be the First to be Hit/ Gangs from China Hack Microsoft / Israel and Hamas Agree to Truce / Christians Face Six Years in Prison for Quoting the Bible in the UK / Tim Tebow Jersy Becomes #1 Seller at NFL Shop Just Hours After Signing / DeSantis Accuser Admits She Just Made it Up AND MORE: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Pope Francis Turns His Back on the Unborn / Biden’s Pentagon Just Made A Shocking Admission / Nancy Pelosi Just Let the Cat Out of the Bag with This One Action / Communist Chinese Military Scientists Planned This Deadly Attack Against the U.S. https://deepstatejournal.com/ GOP Slams Biden Plan for New IRS Hires to Boost Tax Collection, Fund Spending / Wuhan Lab Staff Sought Hospital Care Before Outbreak Disclosed / China Warns US, South Korea: Do Not Interfere in Taiwan https://www.newsmax.com/ Bitter Loser Liz Cheney Just Took A CHEAP SHOT AT Marjorie Green! / Trey Gowdy Just Came Back And Said REVENGE IS COMING! / LIBERALS SUING PRESIDENT TRUMP For Exercising His First Amendment Rights! / Jeffrey Epstein’s Guards Just Cut A DEAL! AND MORE: http://2020conservative.com/ Latest From Independent Minute: https://independentminute.com/ Latest From TPN News: https://threepercenternation.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Recall Alert: Cookies, Pet Food, Blueberries http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: No Safe Alcohol Consumption, Study Says http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Hundreds of people lined up outside an abandoned gas station in California for the chance to get up close and personal with a rare corpse. The corpse flower, scientifically known as amorphophallus titanum, belongs to gardener Solomon Leyva, who brought his plant to the old Art Deco gas station in Alameda to share it with the community. The plant, which only blooms once every several years, is known as the corpse flower due to the pungent odor it releases while blooming. "It produces a tree-like looking plant with a really wide canopy," Leyva told local news. "It produces it over and over every year until the bulb has sort of enough energy for it to bloom. This can take 10 years, this can take 15, this can take 20." Leyva said he wanted the community to have the chance to get up close and personal with the plant, which normally can only be seen blooming at facilities where the public is kept separated from the plants by barriers. "I think everyone's tripping out that they can walk up and wiggle it and smell it. A lot of fun for everybody," he said. Leyva estimated at least 1,400 people had lined up to see the plant. --- ...I looked this story up just for you... Hundreds line up outside abandoned California gas station for whiff of rare, smelly 'corpse flower' Amorphophallus titanum, also called corpse flowers, can grow up to 10 feet tall and stink like rotting flesh, though the smell is clearly not enough to keep crowds away. https://tinyurl.com/26b2pte9 Here's more about it: Where to smell the 'corpse flower' in San Antonio this summer https://tinyurl.com/hftmxds -<>- 31-year-old Veronica Lewis of Vermont, is accused of shooting her firearms instructor in the face during their second lesson, police said. Lewis allegedly fired three shots at 48-year-old Darryl Montague earlier this week, hitting him twice in the jaw and once in the abdomen. The attack occurred at the Montague's place of business. Montague runs a licensed firearms company called Vermont Target Sports. Lewis is said to have mental issues and she lives at a mental health facility. She previously lived in New York City, where she had a lengthy criminal record. How a woman with such extensive mental health issues made it as far as 2 classes in firearms training was not made clear. After the shooting, police said they found a .22 caliber pistol and a hammer in her backpack. The attack is considered premeditated because of the presence of the hammer. Lewis was charged with first degree attempted murder. Maybe in the future Mr. Montague will do a more detailed background check before he lets just anybody into his classes. *--- Sky ice crashes through Florida roof ---* Residents of a Florida home had an unusual start to their day when a large chunk of ice fell out of the sky and punched a hole in their roof. The Martin County Sheriff's Office said the ice chunk fell out of the sky and punched a large hole through the roof near the edge of the Palm City home, causing the ice to land on the ground outside of the house rather than inside. The sheriff's office said there were no reports of injuries from the ice chunk's plunge. Deputies said they do not yet have an explanation for where the ice chunk came from. *--- The Blob ---* National parks officials in North Carolina snapped a photo of an unidentified blob that washed up on a beach, and experts said the "mysterious mass" might be egg sacs from a squid. The Cape Lookout National Seashore posted a photo to Facebook asking the public to help identify the gelatinous blob. The post said the object had washed up months earlier, but National Park Service experts remained unable to identify it. "So far, it has escaped being identified -- although it might be something like the egg sacks of a squid (but we aren't sure)," the post stated. Commenters on the post pointed out the mass is similar to objects that have been spotted on West Coast beaches. A squid expert, Louis Zeidberg, identified the objects in those cases were found to be a species of Pacific Ocean squid known as the California market squid. *--- Owner surrenders tiger ---* The owner of a 9-month-old tiger seen loose in a Texas neighborhood last week has surrendered the animal to authorities, the Houston Police Department said. The tiger, named India, was immediately placed in the city's animal shelter and is expected to be transported to the Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch wildlife sanctuary. Gia Cuevas and her husband, Victor Hugo Cuevas, are the owners of the tiger. Gia Cuevas brought the animal to authorities and is not facing criminal charges at this time. But HPD Commander Ron Borza emphasized in a news conference that it is illegal, as well as a bad idea, to keep tigers as pets in Houston. "In no way, shape or form should you have an animal like that in your household," Borza said. "That animal can get to 600 pounds. It still had his claws, and it could do a lot of damage if he decided to." The tiger's existence was first made known to authorities by people who saw it and warned their neighbors via the Nextdoor app that the enormous cat was on the loose. *--- Motorist accidentally jumped drawbridge ---* Cameras mounted on a Florida drawbridge captured the moment a distracted driver jumped the gap as the bridge was rising. The Palm Beach Police Department said James Montano, 29, became an unwitting daredevil when he blew through a lowering arm on the Flagler Memorial Bridge and drove up the rising bridge to jump the gap and stop on the other side. "Basically it was a distracted driver incident," Officer Philip Salm said. "The driver stated that he was looking at his GPS unit while driving across the bridge and did not see the stop arm in the down position until he crashed through it," Capt. Curtis Krauel reported. "He did not show any visible indicators of impairment." Salm said lucky timing allowed Montano to make it over the gap and survive the accidental stunt. "The implications of what could have happened, had he hit at a different time or he hit the ramp and went over the side, you're talking about a potentially fatal accident," Salm said. Montano was cited for reckless driving. --- ...Yes, I found the video - just for you... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Iod7VOPyoc ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _____ /~/~ ~\ | | \ \ \ \ \ \ \ --\ \ .\'' --==\ \ ,,i!!i, ''"'',,}{,, unknown >Two People, One Grave A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" -<>- >Skydiving For Blondes A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells, "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?" -<>- >What Seems to be the Problem? The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?" -<>- + . _ .-. 3==({)_ . ( \ + . _ )`\-| * ) \ . /_`' // |\ .-' `-a:f . B'/`-'M\_| ) / . . * // ( / . B' `-' >Q and A Quickies: Q: How do astronauts eat their ice creams? A: In floats! Q: What did the scotch tape say to the duct tape? A: I was hoping you'd stick around. Q: Why did the old man keep his money in the refrigerator? A: He liked having cold cash. Q: What does a houseboat become when it grows up? A: A township. Q: Why was the sand wet? A: Because the sea weed! Q: What do you call scared dinosaurs? A: Nervous Rex! Q: What happens when you disagree with a skunk? A: It raises a stink! Q: What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors? A: A piano. _ _ (.)_(.) _ ( _ ) _ / \/`-----'\/ \ __\ ( ( ) ) /__ ) /\ \._./ /\ ( jgs )_/ /|\ /|\ \_( Q: What's green and sits in the corner? A: A frog that got in trouble! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) ,-----. #,-. ,-.# () a e () ( (_) ) #\_ - _/# ,' `"""` `. ,' \X/ `. / X ____\ / v ,` v `, / / ( <==+==> ) `-._/|__________\ ^ / (\\) |______@____\ ^ / \\ | ( ) \ ^ / ) | \^/ ( | |v <(^)>| | v | | | | ZOT |_.--.__ .--._| `===' `===' There was once a newly ordained priest who joined the staff of a large, well-to-do parish. His boss, the senior priest, had been there for many years and was steeped in wisdom. The young priest was very full of himself, having taken a number of prizes for preaching in seminary. He was particularly proud of his efforts in the pulpit. Indeed, he said to his boss one day, "Father, there is not a subject in the world that I could, at the drop of a hat, find a Biblical text for and then be able to preach a sermon." The senior priest decided to put his young charge to the test. "Well, my boy," he said, "don't you be preparing any sermon for mass next Sunday. Instead, when you get into the pulpit you will find a sealed envelope which I will have put there. Inside the envelope there will be a single sheet of paper on which I will have written a one word topic. I defy you to find any kind of text that will fit." The young priest looked forward to the test with relish. The day came. He ascended the stairs into the pulpit. His boss was squirming with anticipation. The young man opened the envelope, glanced at the sheet of paper on which was written the one word, "CONSTIPATION," and the young priest proclaimed: "And Moses took the two tablets and went off down the mountain..." --- ...OH My! LOL! Thanks Karen! -<>- ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >Dunno the answers Where can a man buy a cap for his knee, Or the key to a lock of his hair? Can his eyes be called an academy Because there are pupils there? Is the crown of your head where jewels are found? Who travels the bridge of your nose? If you wanted to shingle the roof of your mouth, Would you use the nails on your toes? Can you sit in the shade of the palm of your hand, Or beat on the drum of your ear? Can the calf in your leg eat the corn off your toe? Then why not grow corn on the ear? Can the crook in your elbow be sent to jail? If so, just what did he do? How can you sharpen your shoulder blades? I'll be darned if I know - do you? --- ...HaHa! Not a clue! Thanks Karen! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: |<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>| | * | | /\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/\ | | (o ) . ( o) | | \/ .` `. \/ | | /\ .` `. /\ | | ( .` `. ) | | ) .` N `. ( | | ( .` A | `. ) | | ) .` <\> )|( `. ( | | ( .` \ | ( `. ) | | ) .` ) \ | ( `. ( | | .` ) \| ( `. | | .` W---)--------O--------(---E `. | | `. ) |\ ( .` | | ) `. ) | \ ( .` ( | | ( `. ) | \ .` ) | | ) `. )|( <\> .` ( | | ( `. | .` ) | | ) `. S .` ( | | ( `. .` ) | | \/ `. .` \/ | | /\ `. .` /\ | | (o ) `.` ( o) | | \/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\/ | | -|- LGB| |<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>| A Swiss guy in New York is looking for directions, so he pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." -<>- Little Johnny's mother overheard him reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch..." "Johnny!" shouted his mother. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use those kinds of words." "But, Mom," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Johnny's mother called the teacher to complain. "Oh, heavens," said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.' -<>- A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?" -<>- _______________________ |\_____________________/| || || || _ _ || || / ) / ) __ |_| || || / -|- / -- | || || `== `== ' || || _____ || ||______________#####__|| jgs |/_____________________\| There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So they uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven." The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets." So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?" After a few moments of intense concentration the boy said, "Eleven." -<>- How many b'ger do you need to change a lightbulb? \ Get lost Ralf. \ \ \ `, ___ # /_,/\ |/ ? /" ( | , )\ .Y___ / /__/\ \____ \(__ ,- / \_/ \ / (\ |/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\------'-----' '-' |\/ b'ger Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?" John: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" John: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, a good cook and house keeper, she's got to know how to handle finances, have a forgiving personality -- and money, she's got to have money, and if she has her own house it wouldn't hurt either." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" John: "Oh, it's okay if she's crazy." -<>- My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed a harassed and tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" The produce guy looked at me and said, "No, sir, you'll have to do that yourself." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: . ~ ~ ~ . ~ `. ` ~ ` ~ )- ' ~ ~ ~ , / ~.` ~ . ._| |_. .`'~ _ _____(_. % ._)_~ ~_____( ) _______\\ ,/>__~~______| | .\\.//. ~ ~ | | / \// \ ~ | | ____ / // \_________| | / -''-{@ \ / | ____vvvvvvvvvvvvv_______/ | _______\\ .//___________|__| `;' \\// ':' || \|/''..` \\, .`\|/..`Pru'.`. `\\. ( \ |_`. >Andy Says... Check This Out! **Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.-- Anonymous** **Any man who knows all the answers most likely misunderstood the questions.** **Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. ** It has taken me all my life to understand it is not necessary to understand everything. -- Rene Coty No one is going to turn down a good meal because he does not understand the digestive mechanism. -- V. I. Klassen I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common? -- Ashleigh Brilliant Without a purpose, nothing should be done. -- Marcus Aurelius A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work If at first you DO succeed, try something harder. -- Ann Landers Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind. -- Marcus Annaeus Seneca General Eisenhower used to demonstrate the art of leadership with a simple piece of string. He'd put it on a table and say: Pull it and it'll follow wherever you wish. Push it and it will go nowhere at all. It's just that way when it comes to leading people. There are really only two ways to approach life - as victim or as gallant fighter - and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don't decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you. -- Merle Shain (1935 - 1989), Writer Destiny is as destiny does. If you believe you have no control, then you have no control. -- Wess Roberts, author Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results. -- Willie Nelson -<>- _, _ .' `. ___.>"''-..-. `-. ; .--""" .-._@; ; !_.--..._ .' / .[_@'`'. ; / : .' ; :_.._ `. : ; ;[ _T-" `.'-. `-. \ .-: ; `.`-=_,88p. _.}.-" `-.__.-' \ /L._ Y",P$T888; "" .-'_.-' / ;$$$$$$]8P; \ / / / "Y$$P" ^" fsc ;\_ `.\_._ ]__\ \___; >Role Playing For The Movies A movie producer was planning his next blockbuster --an action docudrama about famous composers. So he set up a meeting with Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Arnold Scwarzenegger and offered them a chance to select which famous musicians they'd portray. "I've always admired Mozart," Stallone said. "I'd love to play him." "Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme. "That's the part for me." The producer turned to Schwarzenegger. "And you, Arnold? Who do you want to be?" There was a long silence, then he replied, "I'll be Bach." -<>- >Generally Speaking America and Israel struck a deal to bolster each others Armies. The Israelis said they would like to exchange three generals for three generals. The Americans agreed, stating they wanted an IDF General to teach tactics, an armor General to teach desert warfare, and a Mossad General to teach espionage. The Israelis replied and said they wanted General Electric, General Motors, and General Dynamics. -<>- (\ (\_\_^__o ___ `-'/ `_/ '`--\______/ | ' / | mic ` . ' `-`/.------'\^-' >My Dog Doesn't like Men My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men." "Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and took the dog. Then one day she was approached by two men in a parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear the the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car. -<>- Andy Says... After my Last Blonde Joke... Ruthie writes and says... OK that was cute....But.......let me tell you what Mark and I saw the other day. We were on our way home from shopping and just getting ready to turn on to the express way when a pickup truck with a MAN driver (no he wasn't blonde) passed us. We both did a double take for there dragging behind was the hose of a gas pump with the handle still in the fuel tank. Wonder if anybody stopped him!! And as Lily Tomlin would say "and that the truth." -<>- >The Other Side Of The Story: Here is the other side to the story. My grandpa used to tell me, "Boy, when people tell you they used to buy hamburger for ten cents a pound, ask them how much a day they made and how much fat was in that hamburger." -------Tony P.S. My senior year of college gas was $.349 a gallon. (Andy's was $.199 a gallon.) &&& && && &&&&. &&& .&&&&& && &&& &&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&& & &` && && .&&&&& &&&; &8 .&&&: && &` & && 8&& & `& && && .&_ oO_&.-.-. && ( __ -/--' &&~ .'-__-'& &&&~`'\`& &&&~` _& &&&&` && &&8&&&& &&&&&&& & &&&&&&& &&;&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&& ~~~ .~~~~~ `&&&&&&&&& ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~;!&&&&&&&&&&~/~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~\~~~~&/` \`~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ BP (1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20." (2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $5000 will only buy a used one." (3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous." (4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?" (5) "The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it's going to be impossible to run a family business or farm." (6) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store." (7) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage." (8) "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls." (9) "Also, their music drives me wild. This 'Rock Around The Clock' thing is nothing but racket." (10) "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind', it seems every movie has a 'hell' or a 'damn' in it." (11) "Also, it won't be long until couples are sleeping in the same bed in the movies. What is this world coming to?" (12) "Marilyn Monroe is now showing her bra and panties, so apparently there are no standards anymore." (13) "Pretty soon you won't be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar." (14) "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas." (15) "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president." (16) "Do you suppose television will ever reach our part of the country?" (17) "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now." (18) "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet." (19) "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work." (20) "Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat." (21) "I'll tell you one thing. If my kid ever talks back to me, they won't be able to sit down for a week." (22) "Did you know the new church in town is allowing women to wear slacks to their service?" (23) "Next thing you know is, the government will start paying us not to grow crops." (24) "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business. (25) "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress." (26) "Why in the world would you want to send your daughter to college? Isn't she going to get married? It would be different if she could be a doctor or a lawyer." (27) "I just hate to see the young people smoking. As I tell my kids, 'Don't take a cigarette from ANYONE. You never know what might be in it.'" (28) "The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on." (29) "There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel." (30) "No one can afford to be sick any more, $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood." (31) "If a few idiots want to risk their necks flying across the country that's fine, but nothing will ever replace trains." (32) "I don't know about you but if they raise the price of coffee to 15 cents a cup, I'll just have to drink mine at home." (33) "If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it. I'll have my wife learn to cut hair." (34) "We won't be going out much any more. Our baby sitter informed us she wants 50 cents an hour. Kids think money grows on trees." (35) "Cars which dim their lights by sensors, automatic transmissions, and who knows what else? Pretty soon they will drive themselves." *THOSE WERE THE DAYS!* AND MANY OF US REMEMBER THEM FONDLY! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Magical Tiny Snails 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snails2.html Only In Canada!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onlyincanada.html Bizarre Nature 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bizarrenature2.html All Occasion Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/allcar.html God's Night Lights!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/night.html Awesome Tree Houses!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html Cell Phone Madness! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cellphone.html Thoughts Into Action 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action3.html World's Largest Mirror!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saltlake.html Rainbow Eucalyptus Tree!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainbowtree.html Identity Theft 4!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft4.html Pet Confessions!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petconfessions.html Only ONE Job 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob2.html Only In Australia!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html IRONIC Isn't It 2?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony2.html Humorous Signs 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns2.html Taking A Catnap 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catnap2.html Shopping With Men!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menshopping.html Big Baby Big Dogs 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigdogs2.html Life's Little Oops 14!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops14.html 9-11 And Troops Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) The Best Card Trick Ever performed by James Galea at The Melbourne International Comedy Festival Gala. This is a really cool card trick and I love how smoothly he pulled it off. I’m sure there’s an easy explanation to how he did this card trick but to me, it doesn’t matter as I simply like the comedy style magic performance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkSLGXdV4YU Magician Bill Malone performs “Sam the Bellhop” which is without a doubt one of the best card tricks you’ll ever see. Not only are his sleight of hand skills amazing but his storytelling is funny and entertaining. As you can see from the audience’s reaction at the end they definitely enjoyed this card trick. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VctYnxnnTmE --- ...HaHa! Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A wonderful video of animals and outdoor scenes to remind us that Nature Is Awesome. Mother Nature and the Great Outdoors are truly magnificent from the smallest wonders that we see everyday to the larger things in life. Soundtrack is “Breath of Life” from Florence + The Machine and was featured in the movie Snow White and the Huntsman. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RFuIAolh1I&feature=player_embedded “You’ll Never Walk Alone” is a very moving song and it’s performed wonderfully in this music video by André Rieu and His Johann Strauss Orchestra. Everyone will endure storms and dark days during their life but it is the light and beautiful days that come after the storm that give us hope and allow us to get through the dark days. I hope the days after your storms get brighter and brighter for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3aGlKYlEiY&feature=player_embedded The balance, co-ordination and timing required for their clothes change juggling routine is absolutely incredible. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47f7O9V4ELE&feature=player_embedded Apollo Robbins is the world's greatest pickpocket (that we know of!). In this video he tells you exactly what he's doing but you still might miss it! And you'll never guess the simple trick he uses to do it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoUSO_Mj1TQ&feature=player_embedded It's always great when dinner's ready, but imagine being able to have someone else fetch it for you at will! This clever little trickster, the Drongo bird, which is native to the Kalahari, knows how to dupe meerkats into bringing it their food. Watch this amazing feat of natural world trickery: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tEYCjJqr21A --- ...Teehee! Wonderful links! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In Florida, a 10-year-old girl pried herself from the jaws of an 8-foot alligator. Then the little girl remembered she lives in Florida, and climbed back in." -Conan O'Brien "Hey, I saw that today is National Teacher Day! Unless you're home-schooled. Then it's Mother's Day: Part 2." -Jimmy Fallon "On this day in 1960, the FDA approved the world's first commercially produced birth control pill. And on this day in 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective means." -Seth Meyers "In Mexico, the world's heaviest man, who weighs almost 1,000 pounds, is preparing for surgery. The man said, 'After years of being unhappy with my appearance, I'm finally getting that nose job.'" -Conan O'Brien "A town in Texas just announced a controversial plan to recycle toilet water and use it for drinking water. Dogs said, 'How are you only thinking of this now?'" -Jimmy Fallon "New research suggests that people who are more ambitious will live longer. While people who are less ambitious will live longer with their parents." -Seth Meyers "Today was Star Wars Day, because the day was May Fourth, as in 'May the fourth be with you.'' And now, it's technically May Fifth, Cinco de Mayo, as in 'May the fifth margarita be in you.'" -James Corden "Scientists have developed a new kind of robot that is able to shoot a gun. In fact, earlier today, I was carjacked by my Roomba." -Conan O'Brien "A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I'm not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************