Three Little Pigs... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) | ____.......__ |\ .' _.--""''`` ``''--._ | \ .'/ ..--'` .-'` .._ | \.' / ..-'' .-' '.`'"-: ' .-'` .-' '. __...----""""""""""--.. \ - ..-'' ``""-._ \ .' _. \ `"- \ _.-'` | /-. \ `-. \ | / `. \ wkm `.\ |/ `-\ `. | These sizzling hot new pages our from our friends PatDeE and LouiseA. Take a walk down memory lane and see how many favorites you can find in this wonderful collection. Forever Hollywood! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hollywood.html Forever Hollywood 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hollywood2.html Forever Hollywood 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hollywood3.html --- ...Lots of smiles with these! Thank You PatDeE and LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ^^ .-=-=-=-. ^^ ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ ^^ ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ ^^ ( `-=-=-=-(@)-=-=-` ) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ ^^ jgs (`-=-=-=-=-`) `-=-=-=-=-` A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee." Doctor: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it." Man: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now." Doctor: "No, you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place you were stung." Man: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree."' Doctor (in anger): "No, no, you idiot! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting." Man: "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts." Doctor: "No, I mean which one?" Man (innocently): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me." -<>- This bloke in London dashes into a psychiatrist's office, throws himself to couch and says, "Doctor you've gotta help me. I think I'm a biscuit. What do you think?" The shrink strokes his chin thoughtfully and asks, "Are you square?" "Yes." "Do you have lots of little holes?" "Yes! Yes!" "And are you covered all over with a light sprinkling of salt?" "Yes! Yes! Yes!" "Then you're not a biscuit, you're crackers!" -<>- The National Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bass players decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!" he said. "No need to panic," said a fellow bass player. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled." A few moments later, they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion. "Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 22 is George Washington's Birthday, Be Humble, Walking the Dog Day and International World Thinking Day February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation and Tennis Day February 24 is National Tortilla Chip Day February 25 is Pistol Patent Day February 26 is Carnival Day, National Pistachio Day and Tell a Fairy Tale Day February 27 is Polar Bear Day and No Brainer Day February 28 is Oscar Night, Public Sleeping Day and National Tooth Fairy Day February 29 is Leap Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: """""""""""""""""" .__=\__ .__==__, jf' ~~=\, _=/~' `\, ._jZ' `\q, /=~ `\__ j5(/ `\./ V\\, Unknown .Z))' _____ | .____, \)/\ j5(K=~~ ~~~~\=_, | _/=~~~~' `~~+K\\, .Z)\/ `~=L | _=/~ t\ZL j5(_/.__/===========\__ ~q |j/ .__============___/\J(N, 4L#XXXL_________________XGm, \P .mXL_________________JXXXW8L ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~YKWmmWmmW@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >New Dictionary While I was employed by a private corporation and assigned to the space-shuttle program, my job included ordering supplies. One of the engineers asked me to get a new dictionary for him. The request form said, "State reason this item is needed," so I asked him why he wanted one. I expected his answer would be "My old copy is lost" or "The cover is falling off." Instead he replied, "My edition defines spaceship as an 'imaginary aircraft.'" He got his new dictionary. -<>- >At the Bank During the years that I was home with my three children, I occasionally had to handle banking business for our family-owned corporation. One of those times my youngest was only two weeks old and the older ones were three and four years old. With trepidation I entered the bank lobby with all three children in tow, hoping that they would behave appropriately for that business climate, and was dismayed to see several people in each teller's line. As I held the baby, I swayed and bounced to keep her relaxed and quiet. After a few minutes, my four-year-old daughter, who was holding my skirt, looked up and asked, "Mommy, why are you doing that?" Then, after a short pause, her face lit with revelation and she asked knowingly, "Do you need to go potty?" It's a shame bank lobbies can be so quiet. -<>- >Opportunity "What do you have to do to become a doctor?" my six-year-old granddaughter once asked. Her dad, seeing an opportunity, said, "You have to do extremely well in school, take a lot of math and science, get into an excellent college, make the highest grades possible, and then go to medical school, and follow that with an internship. Then you can start your own practice. Honey, as smart as you are, you can be anything you want to be." She gave all this a moment's thought and then asked, "What do you have to do to be queen?" -<>- >Always in Trouble A senior in the high school class I taught was always in trouble, both at home and at school, and he was getting fed up. "That's it! I'm tired of people telling me what to do," he announced at the end of class one day. "As soon as I graduate, I'm joining the Marines." -<>- >Carrier Landing Flying into a military airfield, my co-pilot and I reviewed our flight plan for the trip back to the USS Enterprise. We were to pick up a Navy captain, and experience had taught me that even seasoned vets turn white-knuckled during carrier landings. Once the captain was strapped in, I turned around to welcome him aboard. "Sir," I asked, "will this be your first carrier landing?" Looking at me with disdain, he opened his inflatable vest to display gold wings above five rows of ribbons. "Son," he said, "I have over 500 carrier landings in jet fighters." "That's good to hear," my co-pilot said, winking at me, "because this will be our first." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) /|\ [] |"""""""""""--__ /| |\ / | \ || |____________--"" ( |__| ) | ( ) | || | | \ / | .-. | || | | |12| ]( 0 )[ || | | | | / `-' \ || | | | | / /' `\ \ || | | | | | | | | |%%| | | | | | | | | ,'`, | | | | | | | | |||| | | |14| | | | | |||| | | / __ \ \ \ / / |||| | | ( | | ) `-' `-' `--' `-' \| |/ pb >Smiles Today I had to go to Lowe's. As I walked toward the entrance, I noticed a lady driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!" Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! "Oh, I'm sorry," I said. "I saw your 'I'm Ready for Hillary' bumper sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder." She gave me the finger and screamed some nasty names at me. Boy! Some people don't appreciate it when you're just trying to help them out. ------- A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said: "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne." "What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, "It is a special day for me. I am celebrating." "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" said the woman. "What a coincidence!" said the farmer. While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant." "What a coincidence," said the man. "I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs." "This is incredible," said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" "I used a different rooster," he said. The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence." ------- Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher asks, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," replied the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher. -------- During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level. He described a typical day this way: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake and took four leaks behind big trees." Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one heck of an adventurous outdoorsman!" "No," he replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer." -------- Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held." "Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination." -------- A man was walking along the beach in California and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you any wish, but I can only grant one." The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly - airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii. The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask." The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, "There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, when they want attention, when they don't. Basically, what makes them tick." The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?" ------- >Murphy's Laws and Others Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. Law of Gravity Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of Random Numbers If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers. Variation Law If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. Law of the Bath When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Close Encounters The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Law of the Result When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!! Law of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. The Coffee Law As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy's Law of Lockers If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Physical Surfaces The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!! Doctors' Law If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Apple defies Court Order http://tinyurl.com/zyhlq2w --- ...If any of us did this, we'd be thrown immediately into jail - no passing go - no collecting $200 - just off to jail we'd go! Why is the Apple CEO above the law? Donald J. Trump, the Republican presidential contender, also attacked Apple on Fox News, asking, “Who do they think they are?” I guess as long as you are super rich, Obama administration will let you do as you please... and just beg you to comply: http://tinyurl.com/grdx5cc Apple wants to protect its customers from whom? The FBI? If we have to worry about the FBI knowing what we are doing, then perhaps what we are doing shouldn't be covered up by some tech's code? We are talking about our safety as a nation against those who want us all dead. Makes about as much sense as letting serial killers be put in prison with parole eligibility. I just watched a show on ID about two separate serial killers working in one area. They killed and mutilated a bunch of people between them yet the one guy is up for parole in 2017! I guess he already had a parole hearing in 2012. Why waste our time and money on these people? Serial killers should never get parole. It goes against common sense. Just shows what a crazy world we live in! I'm talking about these evil men - Edmund Kemper and Herbert Mullin http://truecrimecases.blogspot.com/2012/08/edmund-kemper.html -<>- All The Conservative News http://rightalerts.com/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: An 18-year-old man was arrested on a charge of practicing medicine without a license after allegedly running a medical clinic and treating patients despite not being a doctor, police in Florida said. The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office said that they have arrested 18-year-old Malachi Love-Robinson, after he treated an elderly woman for arthritis and took her checks, even though he is not licensed to practice medicine. Love-Robinson was charged with practicing medicine without a license, fraud and grand theft. The investigation started when the Department of Health conducted an undercover operation at the medical office of Love-Robinson. During this undercover operation, Love- Robinson performed a physical exam on an undercover agent and offered medical advice. Additionally, an 86-year-old woman filed a complaint with the police after she learned that Love-Robinson had stolen, cashed, and forged her personal checks. The best (or worst) part of the whole story is that this is not the first time 'Doctor' Love-Robinson has pulled this particular stunt. In January of last year, he allegedly donned a doctor's coat and roamed the halls of a local hospital. No charges were filed after it was determined that he did not enter patients' rooms or perform medical procedures. This past October, Love-Robinson was issued a cease-and- desist order after he allegedly operated another fake medical practice in Boynton Beach. Love-Robinson has since been released on $21,000 bond. *-- Clumsy Criminal Crashed Through Ceiling of Popeyes --* JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said a man who fell through the ceiling of a Popeyes eatery was able to open a safe after hours of prying and striking. The Jacksonville County Sheriff's Office shared video of the clumsy crook falling from the ceiling of the Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen in Jacksonville and ending up on his backside. The man does not appear seriously injured and spends "several hours" prying and striking his way into the eatery's safe. The post said the man was eventually able to open the safe and fled with an undisclosed amount of cash. *---- Husband Assaults Wife Over Breastfeeding Baby ----* A husband was arrested on a charge of assault after allegedly shooting a gun at his wife because he got jealous that she spent time with their baby, police in Minnesota said. Police said that they have arrested 28-year-old Nicholas George Lehmeier, after being accused of abusing his wife for more than 10 years. The woman told the police that when she was sitting on the couch with the baby, Lehmeier became upset because she was spending time breastfeeding the child instead of being with him. Lehmeier grabbed a shotgun, loaded it, and pointed it at her and the child. He then pulled the trigger of the gun, but it did not shoot. *-- Valentine's Balloons Knock Out Power to 5,000 --* LOS ANGELES - A California utility company said Valentine's Day balloons elicited emotions other than love when they struck lines and knocked out electricity to 5,000 customers. Southern California Edison said a bundle of runaway Mylar Valentine's Day balloons collided with power lines in South Los Angeles Monday evening. "Metallic balloons look harmless, but there's no way to overstate how dangerous they can be when released outside," Paul Jeske, SoCal Edison's director of corporate health and safety, said in a statement. The utility released a warning prior to Valentine's Day asking customers to avoid releasing the balloons outdoors or tying them to a person's wrist, as that poses an electrocution risk. *-- 5-story Slide Installed in Chinese Shopping Mall --* SHANGHAI - Say what you like about the Chinese, but whether they are building walls or slides, they like to go big. A Shanghai shopping mall has installed a five-story-tall stainless steel slide that brings shoppers to the ground floor in 16 seconds. The slide, installed at the Printemps shopping mall, is due to open to the public in the coming weeks, but it has already attracted a lot of attention online from social media users who question its safety. Users of the Weibo microblogging site questioned whether the rapid speed of the 66-foot slide would cause discomfort to riders' backsides and lead to potentially dangerous collisions, but mall managers said the slide has been tested for safety and only one person will be allowed on the ride at a time. The slide was built to resemble a dragon because of China. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) . `: : : . __.'_ .' : _.--' `-._.' .-'.. .. `. : .-. .--.`. : : : : : : : : :`;; :`; ; : `.`O;' `O;.' : .' .---. .--. ; . : '._ :' ; :: : .-`-.; . .' .': `. ``` `. :-' : : `-.__ ._ _.' : ; : ;``` : `. _.-.' . ``-._ : `.-' : : `-. : _.: ` `-._ `, `._.-' ; `.`-. ;_, _., : `.: ;' ;-' ; : ``.___.' : : ;_..--' `. ; `-.__ ...' : : : jgs :-:__; : : : .-~~~--..__: : :___..---.. .'.' : `, :,' : `; ; `: _.'`._ :,' `~~~'----'' `'-.____....' >My Younger Days When I was in my younger days, I weighed a few pounds less, I needn't hold my tummy in to wear a belted dress. But now that I am older, I've set my body free; There's comfort of elastic Where once my waist would be. Inventor of those high-heeled shoes My feet have not forgiven; I have to wear a nine now, But I used to wear a seven. And how about those pantyhose- They're sized by weight, you see. So how come when I put them on, The crotch is at my knees? I need to wear these glasses As the prints were getting smaller; And it wasn't very long ago I know that I was taller. Though my hair has turned to silver and my skin no longer fits, On the inside, I'm the same old me, Just the outside's changed a bit. ~ Maya Angelou ~ --- ...LOL! Thanks Fran! ========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ,"=-. / _),`'". ( /a( ), ) ) C = = ?/ ( )) (_ o-< ) ( `-' \; ( \_ ( | \ ) )| \_/} \ \ \(_;/-|_) )/) `._,--/ / / `!__!! ( (_o)) ---`-._, )--- ------( / |---- | ( | :__/|\_; \ |/ )(\_ /_)--` gpyy \_! No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet. The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double- checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin. -<>- A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?" The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son." The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son." Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" "Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!" -<>- A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her six- month-old baby and her sister's three-month-old baby. Two women approached the mother. "Are they twins?" one asked. "No, they're three months apart." "My! You sure had them close together." -<>- Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax. In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis... When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again." The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, "What's his wife's name?" Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda." -<>- Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working. This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television...and later to the remote control. [From Dave Barry.] -<>- Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," one friend says. "How so?" his friend asks. "Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me." "And that wasn't love?" his friend asks. "No," he replies. "That was obsession. Then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me." "Was that love?" "No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere we met on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach." "Was that love?" his friend asks. "No," he replies. "That was seasickness." ========================================================= >-->From LaughAndLift: _*_ ....iiooiioo __/_|_\__ [(o)_R_(o)] fe *_Life is Precious_* (Author Unknown) Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone .... 4th time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often? When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror. The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand. Bob? Bob from church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse than the coming ticket. A Christian cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow. Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform. "Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this." "Hello, Jack." No smile. "Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and my kids." "Yeah, I guess." Bob seemed uncertain. Good. "I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit - just this once." Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement. "Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight. Know what I mean?" "I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct." Ouch! This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics. "What'd you clock me at?" "Seventy-one. Would you sit back in your car, please?" "Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket. "Please, Jack, in the car." Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window. The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad. Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license? Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand. Jack rolled down the window a bare two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip. "Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice. Bob returned to his car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost? Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read: "Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it - a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters. All three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until heaven before I can ever hug her again. A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now... Pray for me. And be careful. My son is all I have left. Bob" Jack twisted around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he, too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived. Life is precious. Handle with care. -<>- _,--, _ __,-'____| ___ /' | /' `\,--,/' `\ /' | ( ) ( )' \_ _/' `\_ _/ pb """ """ *_My Bedside Table_* Old age is catching up with me, From my toes up to my head. I felt it most while gazing At this table by my bed. I laid my hair piece over there, My own has grown quite thin. The hearing aid is next to it; I'm deaf 'til its put in. Also, I can't see a thing, Without my glasses on. They're beside my false teeth; Yes, my own are gone. I kinda get the feeling As at those things I stare...... There's less of me here in this bed Than on that table there. -<>- _____ / \/_ //\__(\_\ |\ ^ ^ | .//_O \O_ \ \_ (_) / \ \_/ / __/\ /\__ / \ \ / / \ / \/\/\/ \ / | . | \ / | . | \ JRO *_The Pursuit of Happiness _* (By Rich Mullins, Release Magazine Spring 1992, Copyright 1992 by Release Magazine, reproduced with permission) 1. Forget about finding happiness. Happiness is not worthy of your search. 2. Bake a cake - a really rich cake, preferably from scratch and especially if you are an inexperienced baker or a tested, tried, & notoriously awful cook. The value is in the baking more than in the cake. 3. Call up some enemy of yours and invite that enemy to eat the cake with you. If the cake is good you may lose an enemy and gain a friend. If the cake is bad, at least vengeance is sweet. 4. If you can't think of a single enemy, then call up a friend. Invite your friend over to eat the cake with you. If the cake is good the favor may be returned. If the cake is awful your friend may go buy one from a bakery for you. If you are without any enemies or friends, take your cake to an old folks' home. Eat it with them! If the cake is good you will no longer be without friends. If the cake is terrible you will no longer be without enemies. Finding a friend, making an enemy - now those are things worth pursuing. Happiness may come tagged on - but even if it doesn't, at least you will have done something and established some relationships. 5. Memorize Isaiah 40 or the first Psalm or Psalm 91. Read the closing chapters of the Book of Job. Meditate on the Beatitudes (Matthew 5). Write out one of the Prison Epistles (Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Collosians) and send them to some other unhappy person. All of this may not make you happy but it will tell you how to be holy. Once you tie that knot you may find yourself in a position to be made happy. 6. Work hard. Clean something. Find new and more space-efficient ways of folding your clothes. Rake someone else's yard for them. If you are unhappy maybe you can help someone else be less so. 7. Go back to the third chapter of Lamentations and then repeat after me: "It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear The yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence For the Lord has laid it on him." 8. Reread the 23rd Psalm and remember that if the Lord is your shepherd, then you are in a lush pasture. You are by a still stream. If it seems otherwise to you, it may be because you would rather be happy than be God's. If this is so, then you have more reason to be happy than anyone. God has chosen you - ungrateful, decadent you - and being His is a joy and a happiness that goes beyond anything else you may seek, and in your folly settle for. God will (in His mercy) make you discontent with anything less than Him. So we have only one step left... 9. Rejoice. -<>- _ |\_,,____ ( o__o \/ /(..) \ (_ )--( _) / ""--"" \ ,===,=| |-,,,,-| |==,== |d | WW | WW | |s | | | | | *_The Three Little Pigs Eat Dinner_* Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order. "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy. "I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy. The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner. "I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. "I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a root beer float," said the second piggy. "I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggy. "Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered water all evening?" You're gonna LOVE me for this.... Hold on to your seat. At the risk of never receiving e-mail ever again........ ,. (_|,. ,' /, )_______ _ __j o``-' `.'-)' (") \' `-j | `-._( / hjw |_\ |--^. / /_]'|_| /_)_/ /_]' /_]' The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!" _SUBSCRIBE INFO_ Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Big Boy Toys!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigboytoys.html Bucket List 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist2.html Brilliant Logos!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/logos.html Identity Theft 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html Kodak Moments!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kmoments.html Only ONE Job 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob2.html Fun With Statues!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/funstatues.html All Occasion Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/allcar.html Extreme Rednecks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html Morons At Work 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork2.html Did You See That 2?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat2.html Texas Outhouse Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html Cell Phone Madness!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cellphone.html Life's Little Oops 13!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops13.html Got A Nanosecond 5!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano5.html MacGyver - How To Do It 6!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver6.html -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Amish one pot Spaghetti Supper http://tinyurl.com/zvyzbpd Vanuatu president says nation must start anew after cyclone http://tinyurl.com/zkblkde Myles Munroe's Prophetic Dream http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=14951 Man Kicked out of Gym for Wearing Pro-Life Shirt http://eaglerising.com/11634/man-kicked-gym-wearing-pro-life-shirt/ --- ...Most Interesting! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) The best of babies escaping whatever prison their parents tried to put them on. You may think your baby can't get out, but when given time, these babies can get out of anything... https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=sDaRLZF9HqY With their extraordinary flexibility and grace, these truly talented acrobats give daring and mind-blowing performances that will leave you dumbfounded as they turn, twist, balance and spin their bodies. This video compilation does but a bit of justice to the wonders these Chinese acrobats are capable of. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_XXllk_rgbs Watch this one very closely. It appears as if he's solving a Rubik's Cube with one hand while tossing it behind his back and over his shoulder. Then he solves a Rubik's Cube while it's sitting in Teller's hand! But he couldn't actually be doing it, could he? Check out this astonishing magician to see how he fooled Penn & Teller. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwDAXC0_Bxk&feature=player_embedded --- ...Tricky! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melinda :) Texas Barn Find: Five Pre-war Automobiles Discovered https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4P9ABrcT9M&feature=em-share_video_user Baby doesn't know who His Dad is. http://tinyurl.com/h3y364j Massive sea turtle wows dive master http://tinyurl.com/jdary3c The American College of Pediatricians has sounded the alarm over the damage caused by the Gardasil vaccine. http://tinyurl.com/jtjs8dy 16th -Century Prosthetic Iron Hand http://tinyurl.com/hysuypf Artist dots paper for 70 hours http://tinyurl.com/jbpqqwa --- ...Wow! Intense art! Thanks Melinda! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over 100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. Thankfully, when they pulled him over, he didn't resort to violins." -Seth Meyers "Valentine's Day: the day women all around the world wait eagerly to discover the new and wonderful ways their husbands and boyfriends will disappoint them." -Jimmy Kimmel "Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom." -Conan O'Brien "Valentine's Day was yesterday. So, if I look like I didn't get much sleep, it's because the couch was really uncomfortable." -Seth Meyers "I make my choice for president based on how well each candidate would handle an alien invasion." -Jimmy Kimmel "The former president of Trader Joe's is opening a store that sells only expired food. The new store will be known as 7-Eleven." -Conan O'Brien "A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you." -Jimmy Fallon "Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their text- books. Let me save you some time. They're not." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator's vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, 'We have a vegetable drawer?'" -Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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