Thumb Sucking And Mustard ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another donation from our most faithful Shangrala Angel William Lysak from Canada! This is his FOURTH year in a row of stepping up to the plate to help Keep Shangrala Alive with a sweet donation! We sure do thank God for him and all our past wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This heartwarming tale is from our friend Sharon. Like so many of these rescue stories - just makes ya want to give them a hug - so sweet! Check it out here - And be sure to see the heart strings video! _.-- ,.--. .' .' / | @ |'..--------._ / \._/ '. / .-.- \ ( / \ \ \\ '. | # \\ \ -. / :\ | )._____.' \ " | / \ | \ ) snd | |./' :__ \.-' '--' Elephant Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephants.html --- ...So awesome! Thank you Sharon! If you hadn't noticed, I am kind of partial to elephants - Here's some old Elephant Jokes for you... THE ELEPHANT The elephant's got ___.---.___ a long trunk, he uses to .' ( ) '. get a drink. I can think ) /)' '( ) of one more use for it. ',_( ';-;'\_,' To check his |-| /(feet)\ (") (( don't)) stink !Well I had a go! PjP Phil Elephant Ditties http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eleph.html ================ >>>> Reader Comments <<< >From our Friend PeggyT :) "In Flanders Fields" In Flanders fields the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields. - Written in by John McCrae (1915) That poem brought back a lot of memories. haven't heard or seen it for years. I can remember the Veteran's selling them on Armistice day. and school kids making them to sell. Another tradition gone by the wayside. Thanks for posting. - Peggy T --- ...Aww, Thanks for your kind words PeggyT! Thanks again PatDeE for sending that to us! That's one thing you can count on here, is me posting cool old stuff - LOL! I try hard to save the important things so they don't get lost. That's why I do up the pages of things people forward to me that I think are keepers and why I started keeping the best links people sent to me on the Fun URLS Page... http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html ================================================================ >-->From The FunnyBone: Did You Ever Notice..... ____ ...that the husbands of the ten best- _ .-;\)___\ dressed women are never on the |_| \_/ ,---\ list of the ten best-dressed men? | | / _/ e e \_/ _%&&%%&_ |(` >| ...that health clubs advertising on ___T__\______/__ \| =/ TV never show people who look like '====\\\ ^/====='_/ ,--' they need to be there? `\ \ .'`._ ( \ \ / ``\ ...that the older you get, the better \ \/ / ) ) an athlete you used to be? \`'._/ -'.-'\ \__/ / \-'\______ ...that the phone will not /._'-./ \ ___`'-. ring for the first 15 /` | '-.\ '--`` /-\\\ minutes of the day, unless /` / | ( ) | you are late; if you're / / | \ (-- late, it will ring contin- / '-._ | /'-.'# uously until you arrive? `._ `'-._/ /#__#__# ;";-..__ | | # # ...that a boring person is ; | |``-' |# # never hoarse? / ;\ | |__#__ .' / / / || | ...that the waitress who jgs /' .' | | || | hovered over your table / .' | | || | before you were ready to ,| / \ | || | order is nowhere to be \\\/( (`-/\__ || found when you're ready \__`\ [_--.__\ for the check? =============================================================== +---------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------+ ARIZONA There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus. Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water. Hunting camels is prohibited. Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back to the days of the Wild West). You may not have more than two dildos per household. Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American. A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up. It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling. =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro >'potentially' and 'realistically' A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that." So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!" The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?" The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a future congressman." --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- clap clap Clap clap clap clap clap clap Clap clap clap clap clap , clap clap clap Clap clap clap . \ ` Clap \ ( (\ ) / ` ` / _\ , \(") ___ .- )=| (` ') ' _ /'| |-n___n ' (/\| a:f____________|_L___J__ < L _______________________ >Test Yourself ... PLAY FAIR! Don't look a the answers until you've finished answering the questions. 1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name? 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? 4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly? 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? 8. What was the President's Name in 1975? 9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? 10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? . . . . . . . . . . . Here are the Answers 1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name? Answer: Johnny of course 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? Answer: Meat. 3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this are you?] 4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole. 5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly? Answer: Incorrectly 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures. 8. What was the President's Name in 1975? Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ...] 9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first. 10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh] 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack. You can go back to sleep now ... --- ...oh gee, that last one got me! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================== >-->From TheMasti: .-. .' ... `. / ,'.. /. \ |o ' /` o| |88o.d8b.o88| \888ooo888/ |`-----'| | | | | | jgs/VK | |(/)| | a:f | |[_]| | `-.___.-' | | | | | | | | | | | | >The Parking Ticket Tell you folks, there are all kids of ways to keep busy when you’ve retired!!!! Working people often ask us retired people what we do to make our days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, my wife and I went into town to go shopping. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on, mate, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an a***hole. He glared at me and started writing out another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a s**t head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about twenty minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age! -<>- .-. [.-''-., | //`~\) (<| 0\0|>_ ";\ _"/ \\_ _, __\|'._/_ \ '='-, /\ \ || )_///_\>> ( '._ T |\ | _/),-' '. '._.-' /'/ | | '._ _.'`-.._/ snd ,\ / '-' |/ [_/\-----j _.--.__[_.--'_\__ / `--' '---._ / '---. -'. .' _.-- '. \_ '--.___ _;.-o / '.__ ___/______.__8----' >Think English is easy? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.. 5) He was reading as the train sped through Reading 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? 21) If the lead weight was removed the lead would be lighter Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ? You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ... There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP! Now it's UP to you what you do with this email. You still think English is easy...? ================================================================ >-->In The Worldly News :) >TIP From Our Friend Bunni :) Hydrogen peroxide in the ears for the flu and colds? Did you know? keeping your fingers out of our ears will greatly reduce our chances of catching colds and the flu, but we need to keep in mind that these 2 are microscopic and can be air-born and may land on/in our ears. Once these microscopic bodies have entered the inner-ear, they then begin to breed, and from there they have access to every avenue throughout our bodies to travel, and infect and make us sick. Remarkable results can be achieved in curing colds and the flu within 12-14 hours. Read more.... http://www.healingdaily.com/exercise/hydrogen-peroxide-in-ears.htm --- ...Wow, thanks Bunni! It is also used for swabbing the nose out 2-3 times a day to help prevent MRSA, colds and flu! -<>- [Politics] >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Here's what I consider to be a well-thought-out essay I think you will enjoy. ( Do not miss the film clip and jokes at the end.) Blessings, Pat Alternative Realities http://www.caseyresearch.com/cdd/alternative-realities --- ...Good read! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend EdLaF :) Obama just banned 1 million rifles Nearly 1 million American rifles. Banned by a stroke of Barack Obama’s pen. In a move unprecedented in American history, the Obama Administration quietly banned the re-importation of nearly one million American made M1 Garand and Carbine rifles. The M1 Garand, developed in the late 1930’s, carried the United States through World War II seeing action in every major battle. General Patton at the time called the M1 Garand “the greatest battle implement ever devised .” The rifle is largely credited with giving American soldiers the advantage and securing victory for the allies. During the Korean War, nearly one million of these rifles were brought to South Korea and left with the South Korean government afterward. Now, South Korea wants to give American gun collectors the chance to get their hands on this unique piece of history. A piece of American history that Barack Obama would like to see go down the memory hole . That’s why I want as many Americans as possible to put themselves on record opposing this gun ban by signing the Official Firearms Freedom Survey the National Association for Gun Rights has prepared for you. Will you please join me? http://www.nagr.org/M1_RP_Survey1.aspx?pid=ro03 -<>- The Government Wants to Seize Your Vitamins http://tinyurl.com/7o7tsdk --- ...Most Interesting! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- >From The LiveInTheNow: Too Toxic for Golf Courses...but OK for Your Food? ...and more news http://tinyurl.com/73ljqwk -<>- >From TheTeaParty: Giuliani: Any doubt this is Obama's Wall Street? http://tinyurl.com/87j5pbl -<>- >From Conservative Outpost: Have you visited OccupyTruth.net yet? As you know, the media's coverage of the so-called "occupy" protests has been nothing like the scrutiny that the Tea Party has endured. They have glossed over (or not even reported), everything from violent assaults (even rape), theft, drug abuse and sanitation hazards - to say nothing of the fact that these people are outright socialists and many of them are openly calling for violence to achieve their political goals. And isn't it worth noting that this “movement” appeared at about the same time that Barack Obama starting talking about a new tax on "the rich"? That's why we set up a site dedicated to the facts: Help spread the truth about this "movement" by posting any of the dozens of messages on Twitter or Facebook. There are also other links providing even more information (such as the ongoing criminal rap-sheet!) to make sure people have easy access to the facts. So please click here and visit OccupyTruth.net today and help us spread the "inconvenient truth" today! Sincerely, Drew McKissick -<>- >From BizarreNews: *-- Couple allegedly stole police car for sex --* WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - A man and woman charged with stealing a police car left running outside a Florida convenience store apparently wanted it for a quickie sexual encounter. Alexander Pratt, 59, and Clara Pearson, 53, both Lake Worth residents, were charged with grand theft auto, The Palm Beach Post reported. They allegedly grabbed a Honda Civic belonging to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office that was being used by plainclothes detectives from the auto theft division. The couple did not get far in their new wheels, a police report said. They were pulled over and arrested not far away. Pratt told officers he was not sorry for his actions because he was eager to "have intimate relations with Pearson," a police affidavit said. *-- Grad student studies Dumpster-diving --* SEATTLE - An anthropology graduate student in Seattle said he is studying Dumpster-diving culture to bring awareness to the amount of edible food that ends up as trash. University of Washington grad student David Giles, 31, an Australia native, said he has been vaulting into Dumpsters and scrounging for edibles as part of his thesis project, which he said he hopes will inspire people to donate leftover food to the hungry rather than throwing it out, The Seattle Times reported Friday. "The first thing that hits you in the face is how good the stuff in the Dumpster is," Giles said. "It's thrown away because it's not profitable." Giles said his Dumpster-diving research has cut his monthly grocery bill down to $100 and he knows others who sustain themselves strictly on what they find in the trash. The graduate student said he plans to write a book about his experiences when he finishes his thesis next year. *-- Ohio nose-biter surrenders to police --* CLEVELAND - An Ohio poll worker accused of head-butting and biting the nose of a voter turned himself into police, officials said. Charges are pending against James N. Williams, 53, who allegedly assaulted Greg Flanagan, 49, Tuesday at a Cleveland polling place, The (Cleveland) Plain Dealer reported Thursday. Williams, an elections rover, was arguing with a campaign worker about the worker's distance from the polling place when Flanagan said he told Williams "he didn't have to be such an ass" to the campaign worker. "He came after me and said, 'What did you say?' He head butted me. He bit my nose. He tried to bite it off," Flanagan said. Polling location coordinator Andre Bell pulled Williams off Flanagan before Williams jumped into his car and drove off. Williams surrendered to Cuyahoga County sheriff's deputies Wednesday. Flanagan was treated at MetroHealth Medical Center for a "human bite," the hospital said. *-- Pigeons ride Swedish subway --* STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Stockholm transport officials said a flock of pigeons have begun using a subway train for daily trips to a city shopping center. Rasmus Sandsten, spokesman for underground operator MTR, said the pigeons have been catching the train from Farsta Strand to the Farsta Centrum shopping center, only one stop away, where they regularly forage for food, The Local reported Thursday. "They stand calmly at the platform and wait for the subway train to arrive. When it does they get on, travel one stop, jump off and then head for their favorite haunts," Sandsten said. Sandsten said the food they find at the shopping center apparently gives the pigeons the energy they need to fly home. "We haven't been told of as many incidents of pigeons on the tube on the way back, so we think they fly on their way back," Sandsten said. =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _ _ / / | /_/ / \_\/ \ \ \ _;______ \_; ,'o `. [_, )& `._ / jrei ll`--'ll Our 25-year-old son moved back home with an eye toward socking away money to buy a condo. We never bothered asking how long he'd planned to stay, but I got a pretty good idea when I walked into his room recently. In the corner was a milk jug with a few coins in it and a label that read "Condo down payment." -<>- As a secret shopper for a large department store, my sister made purchases at various chains and then reported back to supervisors on the clerks' performances. After a few weeks, I asked her if she was enjoying her new job. "I love it!" she replied. "I'm getting paid for doing two of my favorite things in life--shopping and criticizing people." -<>- Before my son could start going on job interviews, he needed to dress the part. That, he decided, required a $500 suit. "What!?" I answered, gagging at the price tag. "I've bought cars for $500!" "That's why I want the $500 suit," he said. "So I don't have to drive $500 cars." -<>- _____ _____ ,888888b. ,888888b. .d888888888b .d888888888b _..-'.`*'_,88888b _..-'.`*'_,88888b ,'..-..`"ad88888888b. ,'..-..`"ad88888888b. ``-. `*Y888888b. ``-. `*Y888888b. \ `Y888888b. \ `Y888888b. : Y8888888b. : Y8888888b. : Y88888888b. : Y88888888b. | _,8ad88888888. | _,8ad88888888. : .d88888888888888b. : .d88888888888888b. \d888888888888888888 \d888888888888888888 8888;'''`88888888888 8888;ss'`88888888888 888' Y8888888888 888'N""N Y8888888888 `Y8 :8888888888 `Y8 N " :8888888888 |` '8888888888 |` N '8888888888 | 8888888888 | N 8888888888 | 8888888888 | N 8888888888 | 8888888888 | N 8888888888 | ,888888888P | N ,888888888P : ;888888888' : N ;888888888' \ d88888888' : N ;888888888' _.>, 888888P' \ N d88888888' <,--''`.._>8888( _.>N 888888P' `>__...--' `''` SSt <,--'N`.._>8888( `>__N..--' `''` SSt N When my husband pointed out my tendency to retell the same stories over and over, I reminded him that he was just as guilty. "Allow me to clarify," he said in response. "I review. You repeat." -<>- A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!" -<>- Noah was told that of all the animals on the ark, only the adders refused to obey God's command and go forth and multiply. "Well," said Noah. "I'll have to ask the Lord what to do about that." And so he prayed to God and said, "These snakes won't go forth and multiply" And God said, "Don't worry. Find some the trees and saw them into logs and create a platform sitting upon four legs. Then put the snakes on the platform." "But how will that help the snakes?" asked Noah. "Easy," replied God, "Everyone knows even adders can multiply using a log table!" =============================================================== >-->From TheJokester: . ________________________________________________ _.'\______________________________________________/'._ |\_.' '._/| | | | | | | | | | | | | |c|-------------o--------------------------()--------|c| |j|. . (). . _W_ . . . . . ))(( . . |j| |r|.:. ))(( .:. .:. .:. /\___/\ .:. .:. ((0))) .:. .|r| | | .'."```` .'.'. .'. //(/^\)\\ .'.'. )))qp((( .'. | | | |. . ' . . . (o\//^\\/o) . . .`: . .| | | | ,-----''\(|/^\|)/''-----. `': | | | | . . . |:)---'):\|/^\|/:('---(:|,._.='` . | | | | |:| (: |/^\| :).-''|:|-'`` | | | | __|:| (: |/^\| :).-'|:|__ | | |/`'.________====_)___(:__`-Y-'__:)___(_====_______.'`\| cjr `'./_________~~~7/_________^_________\F~~~________\.'` 23jan0 A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?" Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me! -<>- MY FOOTSTEPS? An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?" -<>- A WISE LITTLE GIRL A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not." -<>- ., _ / ` ((|))))) ((/ a a ))) >) ((((._e(( ,--/ (-. / \ <\/>/| / /) Lo )| / / ) / | | / ( / | / ;/ TOO ROUGH A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" -<>- __,...,--. ,' : | \ : | ; :: ,-.| : _//`. ;| ( \ .- \ `._// | |\ : : _ |.- : :\: -: _|\_|| .-( _.=```^`\ :_: _\\_`.--' _ \,-' ) .` \\_,)--'/ .' ( ..'--`' |.- `-'.- ,' : ,' . ; : : / \ ,' _,' `._ `- ,-' : `--.. : | | | | SSt+editha THUMB SUCKING A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh .. I know what you've been doing." -<>- SO KEEP THE SINGING DOWN, OK? A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." -<>- _.---._ .' `. :) (: \ (@) (@) / \ A / ) ( \"""""/ `._.' .=. .---._.-.=.-._.---. / ':-(_.-: :-._)-:` \ / /' (__.-: :-.__) `\ \ / / (___.-` '-.___) \ \ / / (___.-'^`-.___) \ \ / / (___.-'=`-.___) \ \ / / (____.'=`.____) \ \ / / (___.'=`.___) \ \ (_.; `---'.=.`---' ;._) ;|| __ _.=._ __ ||; ;|| ( `.-.=.-.' ) ||; ;|| \ `.=.' / ||; ;|| \ .=. / ||; ;|| .-`.`-._.-'.'-. ||; .:::\ ( ,): O O :(, ) /:::. |||| ` / /'`--'--'`\ \ ' |||| '''' / / \ \ '''' / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ /.' `.\ (_)' `(_) \\. .// \\. .// \\. .// \\. .// \\. .// \\. .// jgs \\. .// ///) (\\\ ,///' `\\\, ///' `\\\ ""' '"" Broken Bone While leading a tour of kindergarten students through our hospital, I overheard a conversation between one little girl and an x-ray technician. "Have you ever broken a bone?" he asked. "Yes," the girl replied. "Did it hurt?" "No." "Really? Which bone did you break?" "My sister's arm." -<>- _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ FIRST GRADE! A first grade schoolteacher in Virginia had 25 students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insights may surprise you. As you read, bear in mind that these are first graders speaking -- 6-year-olds -- because the last one is a hoot! Don't change horses ... until they stop running. Strike while the .... bug is close. It's always darkest before .... Daylight Saving Time. Never underestimate the power of .... termites. You can lead a horse to water but .... how? Don't bite the hand that .... looks dirty. No news .... is impossible. A miss is as good as .... A Mr. You can't teach an old dog new .... math. If you lie down with dogs, you'll .... stink in the morning. Love all, trust .... me. The pen is mightier than the .... pigs. An idle mind is .... the best way to relax. Where there's smoke there's .... pollution. Happy the bride who .... gets all the presents. A penny saved is .... not much Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and .... you have to blow your nose. There are none so blind as .... Stevie Wonder. Children should be seen and not .... spanked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed .... get new batteries. You get out of something only what you .... see in the picture on the box. When the blind lead the blind .... get out of the way. Better late than .... pregnant. =================================================================== >-->From TheMouth: ___ / \ _\___/_ '->---<-' ( ^ ^ ) \ # / __/'-'\__ / \/'\/ \ / _/ >o \ / > (_o_ <\ \ \_/\_/ | \__\\ \ _ \_/ / \ \_\(_ mb / \ ) \__/ a:f \ / / \\ mic > \ \ \\ __ _/ / \ __ \\ ( \\_____\_____// ) \\ \__`___( )___/__/ \7 >Hints on when you can tell it is not going to be a good day: - You wake up face down on the pavement.. - You put your bra on backwards and it ffits better. - You call Suicide Prevention and they pput you on hold. - You see a '60 Minutes' news team waitiing in your office. - Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. - You want to put the clothes on you worre home from the party but find there aren't any. - Your twin brother forgot your birthdayy. - You turn on the news and they're showiing emergency routes from the city. - Your car horn accidentally goes off annd remains stuck as you follow a group of Hells Angels along a deserted highway. - You wake to discover your waterbed hass sprung a leak and then realize you don't have a waterbed. - Your boss tells you not to bother to ttake off your coat. - The bird singing outside your window iis a vulture. - You call your answering service and yoou're told to mind your own business. - Your blind date turns out to be your eex-wife. - Your tax refund check bounces. - You put both contact lenses in the samme eye. - Your pet rock snaps at you. - Your wife says "Good Morning, Bill" annd your name is George. -<>- __ __ / '. .' \ | |`\ \ / /`| | \.--' '-' '--./ .' .-'"'"'-. '. / .-(((( ))))-. \ .' / =/_o/___\o_\= \ '. .' / .-' '-. \ '. / / / \ \ \ / | \ \ / / | \ | \ /-`.__.__.`-\ / | \ \ ` \.-./ ` / / \ '-._ , '-' , _.-' / '. /()`'-'-=-'-'`()\ .' jgs `/`\ '()()()()()() /`\` >Things a True Southerner Knows 1. The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit. 2. Pretty much how many fish make up a mess. 3. What general direction cattywumpus is. 4. When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long. 5. How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store. 6. Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits !! 7. A good dog is worth its weight in gold. 8. Real gravy don't come from the store. 9. When "by and by" is. 10. The difference between "pert near" and "a right far piece." 11. Never to go snipe hunting twice. 12. At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice. 13. Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. 14. You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows. 15. Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers. 16. Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons. =========================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." -<>- ___...___ _.-' ''' '-._ / __\__/___ \ /__.-" / || \ "-.__\ | (_'/\'_) | | | \_ -._______.- _/ _." "-._________.-" "._ / "._ :\ _." \ | _/ :| \_ | |__/ :| \__| \________;/_________/ |_________________| lka Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: All the DNA is the same. -<>- I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" -<>- .---. .---. ( -o- )---( -o- ) ;-...-` `-...-; / \ / \ This is a true story... | /_ _\ | \`'.`'"--.....--"'`.'`/ \ '. `._.` .' / _.-''. `-.,___,.-` .''-._ `--._ `'-._______.-'` _.--` jgs / \ /.-'`\ .'. /`'-.\ ` '.' '.' ` >Mustard I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father.) As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. 'Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,' she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue. Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard, 'Poupon.' " -<>- >Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often? Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said . "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately. =================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Angels Are Watching! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelswatching.html Friends And Health http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html City That Time Forgot http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html Mountain Folk Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/folkart.html Amazing Cop Cars 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Birth Of An Island http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/island.html Bear Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue.html Empire State Building http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/empire.html Bolivia's Road Of Death http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bolivia.html Guoliang Tunnel Road http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnel.html Underwater River In Mexico http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : open secrets http://www.opensecrets.org/pfds/index.php --- ...Humph! Interesting! Oil and Gas is surprising! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) CHOCOLATE YUM! Hi Shangy, A friend has kindly sent me an awful lot of chocolates that I would like to share with you and the others LOL --- ...Aww, now aren't you the sweety! Thank You Linda! YUM Is Correct! Makes my mouth water just looking at all those delicious melt in your mouth goodies! I already have the in a page and MORE here... All Occasion Cakes 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes2.html The chocolates are at the end! Enjoy! :) -<>- Breast Cancer Benefit 136 f ormer NFL cheerleaders (some of them breast cancer survivors) got together to do a dance routine to benefit "Susan G. Komen for the Cure" (Breast Cancer). When they get 5 million views on the video, United Healthcare will make a $50,000 donation to the Komen organization. Their goal is to get 5 million hits, which will lead to $100K raised, but United Healthcare will donate ANOTHER $50,000 at 8 million views! Please can you take a moment to watch the video - and, just as important, pass this link onto your network of friends, family and colleagues? It benefits a very important cause! Thanks for helping! http://www.KomenPhiladelphia.org/Video --- ...Aww, a good cause! Thanks Linda! -<>- Why people who have sons turn gray at an early age. http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=30018 --- ...LOL! A good one! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Links for Your Enjoyment Copperfield Hans Betsy http://www.buffaloschips.com/12w3.htm Costa Rica Vacation http://www.buffaloschips.com/12qa.htm Cowboy http://www.buffaloschips.com/12we.htm Crabz http://www.buffaloschips.com/12ere.htm Cyril takaya Matrix http://www.buffaloschips.com/12sd.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Correspondence schools are full of it. I saw an ad where they claimed they could teach you veterinarian medicine thought the mail. Hate to be a dog in that house. "Mail's here!" "Yip, yip, yip!" Talk about being a regular in the pet store, "Hey, didn't I already sell you a puppy?" --Drew Carey "I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid." --P. J. O'Rourke "The flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, 'Oh, he's good. I like his work.'" --David Spade "I hate driving, and I hate when people honk at me. Unless I'm making a left turn. Then I like it because that's how I know it's time to turn." --Rita Rudner "I had surgery this year. Nothing serious, thank God. But just before I went under I heard the one thing you don't want to hear, 'Where's my lucky scalpel?'" --Jonathan Katz "Some things just aren't funny. Beatings aren't funny. Mimes aren't funny. But beating a mime - why is that so hilarious?" --Dave Attell "Apparently the recession ended last June. So for those of you that are still broke and without a job, it's all in your head." -Jay Leno "A man wearing an Obama mask robbed a bank. Either that or Obama has an exciting new plan to reduce the deficit." -Conan O'Brien "Instead of sending in a written resume, a man in California recently got a job because of a YouTube video he made. As opposed to most people, who lose their job because of a YouTube video they made." -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************