Tips For Real Men And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friend Geniann. It is a delightful one for pet lovers. It will give you plenty of of smiles to start your week out. Check it out here... 0=========================================================0 |'. FairyMarys .'| | '. _______________________________________________ .' | | | /\ /\.-. . .| | | | '. ________| ` `.' .`. | /______________ .' | | | | | \ `/ >>-' -`* - | | | | | | / ,\ ' / | \ ____ | | | | | | `-'`.:`. | | | | | | | | > ,`. | | | | | | | | /-. /.' `. |____| | | | | | | / _> `- : |\_/| | | | | | | /` / /-. |q p| /£ | | | | | ,| / ((___/ __> ( 0 )"""\ __ | | | | | \/` / } |"^"` | ;`'()__)| | | | | |\ /'\ .--.( || /=\\ | `\:'.`,\| | | | | .' -\\--\\-- \\--------"'" -'"""'---//--"//'. | | | |' DS & jgs '| | | .'------------------------------------------------ '. | |.' PetShop '.| 0=========================================================0 Big Happy Pet Family! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petfamily.html --- ...Awww, what a sweet adorable one! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,-----. /' `\ ; ----,---- ; | `o- |`o- | | |_ | | _____, | \_ _/ | `-----' | __.-; ;-.__ _,-' ; : ; ; `-._ _,' `. ,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-, /' ```----. .----''' `\ / \_/ \ | | | | , | , | | | | | | | \ | / | \ /\ o | o /\ / / | |`\ / \ /'| | \ | | | `------' `------' | | | | | \ _.--'|`--._ / | | \ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | / | | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | | >Do-It-Yourself Tips For Real Men Leak stain on ceiling: Cut a piece of plywood into a square. Nail it over the stain. Put a handle on it. Tell everyone it's the door to your attic. (Not recommended for basement apartments). Crabgrass: In one corner of your lawn, assemble your mower, rake, shovel and weed killer. Using right index finger, dial any asphalt company. Have them come over and pave your lawn -- mower, rake, shovel and weed killer included. Cigarette burn on rug: Cut one lemon in half. Squeeze juice into large glass of gin mixed 50-50 with tonic. Add ice. Drink enough glasses of this solution until burn becomes blurry. Move couch over mark. Dirty paint brushes: Soak brushes in pail of paint remover. Read paint remover directions carefully. Notice they say solvent should not be inhaled. Move brushes and can to airy place -- like the backyard. Notice that solvent can kill grass. Move can and brushes up off lawn onto suitable surface like, say, barbecue. Now notice that solvent is highly flammable. Annoying drips: Don't invite them over anymore. -<>- A teacher caught a student cheating on his Botany exam and brought him into the principal's office. "Miss Smith," asked the principal. "How do you know Johnny was cheating?" "Because," replied Miss Smith, "I found that he had 7 flowers tucked inside his jacket and a bunch of pollen up his sleeve. This makes me very concerned about tomorrow's exam and what he might use to cheat on that. So I thought I'd better inform you of this now." "What is tomorrow's exam?" asked the principal. "Sir, it's an anatomy exam," replied the teacher. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 8 is Bubble Bath Day and Male Watcher's Day January 9 is Play God Day, Bittersweet Chocolate Day, Houseplant Appreciation Day, National Take the Stairs Day and Peculiar People Day January 11 is Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend's Day January 12 is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day and National Pharmacist Day January 13 is International Skeptics Day and Make Your Dream Come True Day January 14 is Dress Up Your Pet Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: //_____ __ @ )====// .\___ \#\_\__(_/_\\_/ / / \\ Jiri Matejicek >Pet Cricket An older couple who are neighbors of mine, kept hearing an occasional "chirping" sound in their house. After much searching, they finally decided it must a cricket. They named it Jiminy and enjoyed the chirping now and then. I was visiting them one day when the wife invited me over for coffee. While there we heard the chirping sound. The husband explained all about Jiminy. It was then that I had to tell them that their smoke detector needed batteries. -<>- >Very Pregnant Eight and a half months very pregnant with twins, I was used to getting nervous glances from strangers. But I never realized how imposing I was until my husband and I went out to dinner at a new restaurant. The hostess sat us at our table, took one long look at my stomach and asked, "Would you like me to get you a high chair just in case?" -<>- >A Case for the Sarge Two policemen call the station on their radio. "Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?" "Yes?" "We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband dead for stepping on the floor she had just mopped." "Have you arrested the woman?" "No sir. The floor is still wet." -<>- ((\ ( _ ,-_ \ \ ) / \/ \ \ \ \ ( /)| \/\ \ \| | `~()_______)___)\ \ \ \ \ | |)\ ) `' | | | / /, | | | / | | / \ / \ / ejm ) / / / / / / >How to Quit Smoking At a New Year's party, Peter turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette. "I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking," Ken responds. "I'm in the process of quitting," replies Peter with a grin. "Right now, I am in the middle of phase one." "Phase one?" wonders Ken. "Yeah," said Peter, "I've quit buying." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ,:',:`,:' __||_||_||_||__ ____["""""""""""""""]____ \ " '''''''''''''''''''' | ~~jgs~^~^~^^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~~^~^~^^~~^~^ >SMILES A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick. The doctor suggests, "Eat a pound of stewed tomatoes and a quart of pickled green peppers before you leave the dock." The guy replies, "Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?" The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water." ---------- An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Saint's Be! He's done it again!" ---------- Wal*Mart is now considering selling wine from vending machines. As a precaution, the machine requires that you swipe your drivers license first. This brings to my thoughts a slight risk: If you're buying wine from a vending machine, what are the odds you still have a drivers license? ---------- There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping. ---------- A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother, seeing the opportunity for a moral lesson, remarked. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and answered, "Ryan, you be Jesus." ---------- Our kindergarten class went to the fire station for a tour and some instruction in fire safety. The fireman was explaining what to do in case of a fire. He said, "First, go to the door and feel the door to see if it's hot." Then he said, "Fall to your knees. Does anyone know why you ought to fall to our knees?" One of the little tykes said, "Sure, to start praying to ask God to get us out of this mess!" ---------- Jack's mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his two-year-old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl's grip and said comfortingly to Jack, "There, there. She didn't mean it. She doesn't know that hurts." Mom was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rushing back in, she said, "What happened?" "She knows now," little Jack explained. ---------- My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. "Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters." ---------- Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. "Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?" "I just wanted to know why you can't ring it for yourself." ---------- The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to the rest of his family waiting for the news, "We had twins!" The family was so excited, they immediately asked, "Who do they look like?" The father paused, smiled and said, "Each other." -------- Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy. One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. Smith died of a heart attack. On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of shock. Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the cemetery. The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have anything for worms?" ---------- I was at the drug store to pick up my prescription. The line wasn't clearly formed, and there was an old man with a cane nearby me. It was unclear as to who was next. When we got to the front of the line, the man gestured to me and said, "After you." I smiled at him and said, "No, please, after you. I have all day." Then he said, "No, you go ahead. My doctor says I have at least six months." ---------- _ __<; > 7 ) h __ _.._ __ ~; / _/ <_ > / \ < _> ~ neeps,tatties an'haggis /_ _ _ | `-||-' cjr There is a story of a young man who used to make a few extra dollars as a bagpiper, who played mostly for funerals. One time he was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a cemetery in the Kentucky back country. The young man was not familiar with the area and got lost; and being a typical man, wouldn't stop for directions. Finally he arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. All he saw were the diggers and crew left, and they were eating lunch. He felt bad and apologized to the men for being late, went to the side of the grave, and looked down. The vault lid was already in place, but not knowing what else to do, he started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. He played his heart out for this man with no family and friends. He played like he'd never played before for this homeless man's memory. As he played "Amazing Grace," the workers began to weep. They wept, he wept, they all wept together. When he finished, he packed up his bagpipes and started for his car. Though his head hung low, his heart was full. Just as he was opening the door to his car, he heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years." ---------- "So I hear you're visiting us tomorrow?" said a friend. "Do you need directions?" "I'm all set." I replied. "I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override." "What's a GPS override?" asked my friend. "My wife." I replied. --- ...TeeHee! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) >HAPPY LIFE: 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, from time to time, cleans up, and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed And likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do Not know each other or you could end up dead like me. -<>- ___ _____ .'/,-Y" "~-. l.Y ^. /\ _\_ "Doh!" i ___/" "\ | /" "\ o ! l ] o !__./ \ _ _ \.___./ "~\ X \/ \ ___./ ( \ ___. _..--~~" ~`-. ` Z,-- / \ \__. ( / ______) \ l /-----~~" / Y \ / | "x______.^ | \ -Row j Y ->Homer<- >A Few 'Say What?' SMILES I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'wow, I wish I had your will power.' -------- I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "illegals" were NOT the correct answers. -------- A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'. -------- I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself... That baby is mine!' -------- Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, 'where am I?' The farmer looks back up and shouts back. 'You're in a basket you dummy!' -------- I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was 'where do women have the curliest hair?' Fiji was the correct answer...heck, how did I know they wanted the name of a country? -<>- / / / .--. / / / / / \ / / / | /a / / / / / \ |/ / / / .-. / ) | / / / / __) / / / `. .--. / / / \| @( / | \ \ / // / / / / / .' \-/ / |\ \_|_\__ / -' / / / / | \' / | \___/)--) / / / / / \ \ / | | \ \ .-' / / / / \/) | | \.-' \ / (____\ /U\ _.---------'| `------._____________________/ \ \\__)-------.____ -- '`--` VK >Life in the Midwest - Dear Diary: Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in northern Illinois. It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country. Oct. 14 - Illinois is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise. Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Illinois. I hope it snows soon. I love it here! Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here! Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here! Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow! Dec. 21 - More of that white garbage coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. What a Creep! Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-gun who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap? Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is?? Jan. 1 - Happy New Year??? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the moron actually had the nerve to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this season. Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a darn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit it! It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me. Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old thing into fireplace wood when I had the chance. May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that darn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow dung. May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the forsaken State of Illinois!!! --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Trump’s first-year jobs numbers were very, very good Philip Bump in The Washington Post takes an in-depth look at jobs numbers during President Donald J. Trump’s first year. “We can now compare Trump’s first year in office to his predecessors’,” Bump writes. His conclusion? “Trump comes out looking pretty good.” “Relative to the figure from January in each president’s first year in office (excluding those presidents who took office after a death or resignation), Trump saw one of the biggest percentage-point drops in the unemployment rate,” Bump says. https://tinyurl.com/y7hulbsl In National Review, Victor Davis Hanson says that the Trump Administration —unlike many previous presidencies—has completely reversed course from his predecessor’s ideology. “Obama was a genuine man of the Left,” Hanson writes, whereas President Trump has governed so far as a committed conservative. “Judge the ideologies by their results,” Hanson suggests. https://tinyurl.com/ybauchnx Corey Lewandowski in The Hill argues that as the mainstream media focuses disproportionately on scandals, Russia, and the President’s Twitter feed, they are missing the issues that matter most to Americans: the economy and national security. On both fronts, the outcomes have been remarkably good during President Trump’s first year. https://tinyurl.com/y9duebqx U.S. factory, construction data brighten economic outlook - Reuters https://tinyurl.com/yc5qceyy Food stamp rolls decline by more than 2 million in FY 2017 - The Washington Free Beacon https://tinyurl.com/yca78r6y Poll: Voters show massive support for Trump immigration policies - Breitbart https://tinyurl.com/ycuy42nv ICE is increasing presence in California because of 'sanctuary state' law, says Trump immigration chief - The Los Angeles Times https://tinyurl.com/ycyosh6f Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: What is a kidnapping and a forced drugging worth? The humiliation, the embarrassment, the pain, the risk? How about a good steak? Eugene Wright, 63, says he still has nightmares after what happened to him just six months ago. Wright, now retired, said he was outside his home in June of last year when Meadville police and a representative with Stairways Behavioral Health confronted him. "They explained to me earlier that day at 10 a.m. I was at an orthopedic office threatening people. I was at work," Wright said. He said they never checked his identity, but instead police took him to Meadville Medical Center. Wright kept insisting they had the wrong person. According to a federal civil lawsuit, doctors injected Wright with Haldol, an antipsychotic medication and Ativan, which is used to treat anxiety disorders. "I was powerless. I had no control of what was going on down there," Wright said. Doctors later realized they had the wrong Eugene Wright, apologized and gave him a $50 gift card to a steakhouse. Now he's suing the police department, the medical center and Stairways Behavioral Health to send a message. -<>- A group of drinkers in a small New Zealand town created their own island to get around a local ban on alcohol during the New Year holiday period. The local government of Tairua, located in northern New Zealand, bans consumption of alcohol in public places each year from Dec. 23 to Jan. 6. But this New Year, a group of about seven people created an island in the middle of the Tairua estuary so they can drink outside. According to the New Zealand Herald, the group used the low tide waters to shovel together enough mud to create a mound big enough for a bench and several people. As the waters surrounded the newly-formed island, the revelers imbibed in public, successfully flouting the local laws and doing so to the delight of local law enforcement. "That's creative thinking," Waikato eastern area commander Inspector John Kelly said. "If I had known that I probably would have joined them." The local alcohol ban during the Christmas and New Year holiday was put in place to cut down on illegal behavior that resulted in several arrests. "[Th police] were getting frustrated with the result and said it has to change," local resident Noddy Watts said. No arrests were made in the drinking island incident. *--------------- New Year Twins ---------------* A set of twins was delivered at Delano Regional Medical Center in California on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. "It's pretty unusual," Doctor Seyed Tamjidi said. "I've been doing this for 35 years and I've never had this before." Joaquin Jr. Ontiveros was born Dec. 31, 2017, at 11:58 p.m. Aitana de Jesus Ontiveros was born Jan. 1, 2018, at 12:16 a.m. Hospital staff said in Kern County the boy was the last baby born in 2017, and his twin sister was the first baby born in 2018. The parents said they are overjoyed with the early surprise. Every year the hospital collects donations to shower the first baby born in the new year with gifts. Matthew Cauthron, marketing director at Delano Regional Medical Center, said the twins will go home with more than $3,000 worth of baby supplies. *--- Good Luck Tucking That Under Your Seat ---* TSA agents at the McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas found dead cougar inside a passenger's luggage. The passenger was stopped at security when the cougar corpse was spotted through x-ray screeners. The passenger told TSA agents that he was a hunting in Utah and had appropriate Utah State Fish and Game tags for the cougar. Airport officials temporarily held the man and his dead cougar until the information could be verified and it turned out that no laws were broken. "It is not a crime to transport game that is legal to possess via airlines," Metropolitan Police Lt. David Gordon told the Las Vegas Review-Journal. "However, airlines reserve the right to tell passengers they do not want to transport certain items." And Nevada Division of Wildlife spokesman Doug Nielsen said it's not unusual to transport animal carcasses through the airport. "As long as that's a legally harvested animal, we don't have any problem with them passing through Nevada," Nielsen said. *--------- At Least He Wasn't Smoking ---------* An airline passenger is facing a possible fine after he was filmed climbing from an emergency exit to the wing of the aircraft after a delay in Spain. Romuald Graczyk, 57, a Polish national, was filmed by fellow passenger Fernando Del Valle Villalobos climbing out through an emergency exit and perching on the wing of the Ryanair plane after the New Year's Day flight was delayed in London for an hour and spent another 30 minutes on the tarmac after landing at Malaga Airport. Graczyk, who was back inside the plane when police arrived, told officers he had been stressed out by the long wait and needed to get some air. Fellow passengers said Graczyk told them he suffers from asthma and was having trouble breathing. Police said the man was not taken into custody, but Malaga Airport Guardia Civil Chief Miguel Sanchez said Graczyk could now be facing a fine of up to $54,000. *------- Would Have Been Cheaper to Pay -------* A man who wanted to get onto a train for free ended up paying a heavy price when his penis got stuck in the turnstile. The man was at the Covent Garden Tube station in London, England, when he decided to jump over the turnstile. However, his private got caught and he was unable to get off. The man, who was not identified, screamed out in pain as a group of onlookers gathered to watch. One of those witnesses was Mark Graves. The cameraman took a video of the incident as transport workers and police officers tried to free the man. Graves posted the video on Facebook with the caption: "This guy tried to jump the gates and got his manhood stuck." When the man was finally freed, he hobbled to the side. He then hugged and thanked those who rescued him. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) . . , o. .o/ | .---. / /| \~~~/'---+ \ / \ | PING! \-. | |/ /_\ Years come & go, but this year I specially wish for you all a double dose of Good Health & Happiness topped with loads of Good Fortune. Have a great New Year ahead everyone! -<>- _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | | /| |\ |\ |\ / |\ |_| |___| _ _ _ | \ | _ / | _ _ ,_ _ | | / | | \ | \ / | | \ | /_\ / / | \___|//_\ / | | ` / \ \| |/\_|/|_/_/|_/_/\_| \| \| \__/\_\_| /| \__/\_|/| \_/ ' | | /| ` ( | | | \| \| >HAPPY NEW YEAR! Here are my 2018 wishes for YOU... May you ALWAYS make the right move May your cup runneth over with love MAY YOU ALWAYS FIND SHELTER FROM ANY STORM May you remain good looking and looking good. May you find the perfect diet for your body and your soul. May you find perfect balance in the company you keep. May you have as much fun as you can before someone makes you stop. May you manage to MAKE time for Time Out! May all the new folks you meet be interesting and kind. May you always know when to walk away... and when to RUN! AND MAY YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY ALWAYS BRING YOU JOY May this year only hold good health, successful projects, professional growth and happiness for YOU and your loved ones! --- ...Awww, so sweet! Thank You Linda! May God's Blessings Surround You Each and Every Day of 2018 with signs, miracles and wonders from Christ Jesus Our Lord! ======================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-----. .'`-. / ,-- | .- `-. ,' ,-' `. _.-' ,-.`.) ; / ,=---`--+' .- -. `. ( \ ,' =,- ,' ( o ) | /\ : : / =,-' / \-' ;(o : \ | ' ; ( `--' \ ; \ | = | \`--+ --. `( `+ =/ : : `. `. \ ' =/ \ `--. '-. `. `. \ =; `._ : ( `-. `. `. \ = ; `._.' `-.-`-._\ `-. \= ' _.-'_) (::::) `+ -. `--7' `--`..' ( : .' ; \ | | / \ | _.-| +---' `--+ `. \ \ /`. '-.-\ `--. / /#### `----.' ( ,-'############\ \\/###############; \###############/ kOs |--------------| _.--------- :::::::::::::::|_.-'' ::::::::::_.-'' .-''..'---'-------'' Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the kids we had to leave "right now" at which point our teenage daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for the garage grumbling. On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the rearview mirror and caught our teen applying lipstick and blush, which produced the predictable lecture. "Look at your mom," he said. "She didn't put on any makeup just to go sit in a dark movie theater." From the back I heard, "Yeah, but Mom doesn't need makeup." My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to thank this sweet, wonderful daughter of mine just as she continued, "Nobody looks at her." -<>- A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They are appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy." "Oh, please, Mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?" -<>- After a long day of shopping, my daughter and I stopped at a grocery store. I ran in to pick up a few things, leaving her in the car. As I approached the checkout I was surprised to see my daughter there waiting for me. "Honey," I said, "what are you doing in here? I left the motor running." "It's all right, Mom," she replied reassuringly. "I locked the doors." -<>- My girlfriend isn't the brightest bulb. One day when she was being particularly dimwitted, I said in frustration, "What's your IQ anyway?!" She shot back defiantly, "20/20!" -<>- A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. -<>- As e-mail (and blogs and texts and Tweets) continue to erode the written language, perhaps it is time for an English language lesson. So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish: 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat). 6. Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too. 11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should never generalize. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Don't use no double negatives. 17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 20. The passive voice is to be ignored. 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 23. Kill all exclamation points!!!! 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas. 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. 27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? 33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement. 34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ___ .-"""" ". / __'-. ; ..sssSSSS; ; ; ; '.' ..sssSSSSSS; ; """""""; ; ...ssssSSSSS; ; """"""; ; ; ; ....sssSS/ ; """/ ; .' ; .-""""-. '-.' _..ssS, .' "" _..sSs /__ "" _.sSS. .-"" `-. ___ ; _ /_..gg$$$pp'___`. .' `>. ,s$$$$$$$$$B;" `;""; .' ; :$$$$$$$$$$P"`._(): `-`_O.' :$$$$$$$$$P ' `-. $$$$$$$$$" _,,-. : ; $$$$$$$$!b.._g$$$$$$-. ; `. :$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P j\ :_.._/ T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P | : ; "T$$$$$$$$$$$$P"; ;_; : "^T$$$$$$P^"; : //: __! | | : ; `.: .mMMM: ) :_ ) '-. 'MMMP' fsc `.i_;I '-._i.' >AGE IS A FUNNY THING from BILL'S PUNCH LINE. Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in frac- tions. "How old are you?" "I'm 4 and half." You're never 36 and a half, but you're 4 and a half going on 5! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens: you become 21. Even the words sounds like a ceremony--you BECOME 21. YES!!!! But then you turn 30. Ooohhh, what happened here?? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED. We had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed??? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40...stay over there, it's all slipping away... You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50...my dreams are gone... You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 and then you MAKE IT to 60...Whew! I didn't think I'd make it. You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, You're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60, and by then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70! After that, it's a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday, you get into your 80s, you HIT lunch. I mean my grandmother won't even buy green bananas, "Well it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one." And it doesn't end there...Into the 90's, you start going backwards: I was JUST 92. Then a strange thing happens, if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: I'm 100 and a half!! Age is a funny thing. -<>- /__ /_=. |\ ___ | ; _.--/.=` | | '-s, ) | \ /` g/ \ '. L_ /` \ \_| \__ o \ - . -( '. =.I.= '| | . '.__W '-- '-- \-._ $ \ : / '-I\ (= = | <|/ _ \' ; \ I /_< :T ) (/_ \| / __.-' \ | |\' .'`\ \ | /__.-' "` | ( \ \ \ ) ___ \ |/.=' \ \ snd _/ / ""` >Things homeschooling moms don't want to hear "My science project got loose in the kitchen!" "I can't find a pencil!" "But naps are for *little* kids!" "I found that bunch of videos you thought you took back to the library last month!" "Wait, mom -- that's not your toothbrush, that's my guinea pig's grooming brush." "Grandma wants to know when I'm gonna get to go to *real* school!" "Hello? Oh, she's in the bathroom. Well, let me see if the cord will reach...." "Mommy, why is my goldfish swimming on his back?" "Bobby's mom always takes them to McDonald's after they finish their lessons." -<>- . __ ' . ' . * _-~ ~-_ . ' . . . /___ ___\ ' . . / (O) (o) \ * ___ * . __,-~-~-,/ -..- \ .-~~-. __..-~~ ~~-.._ .-~ `V~V~V'`\ -v----v- \/ /.-~ //.. \ \. `~-._ //. \.' `\..___..---/ /'' . ' . .. ''/ \\..' \' V~V~V' // / ' . ' / \ . ' \\\ \ \ . ' / . / ' . / <> \ '. . ' . / ../ ' ( Oh gee, Harvey!) // ' ../ <> / .'\ \' ''.\ \ /. //. \ ( You don't think ) ________________ ( it can read, ) //' / __ _ _____ \ ..' \ \ './ \'\ ( do you? ) | |__ /_\ | | .. \ \\ //' . | |__ / \ | | '. \.. ___...---..._____..--~~\\..____..-\________________/..__ \\ || . . . . . ` ______________||_________. . |_____________________| ' . ~ | | | | | | . . . .. |____|____|_____|==|__| |____|____|_____|__|__| jro __________________________________ ' . / / . ~ / / 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 >Church Bulletin Bloopers 1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. 3) The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. 4) Evening massage - 6 p.m. 5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. 6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession. 7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the back door. 8) Ushers will eat latecomers. 9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment. 10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience. 12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy." 13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit. 14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience." 15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice. 16) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All" 17) The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anni- versary of his birth. 18) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 19) The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 20) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Snow Fun! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowfun.html Right Angle Photography http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto.html Eagle Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html Cat Spot Tips http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catspots.html Owl Lovers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/owllovers.html Manly Man Things! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/manlyman.html Got A Nanosecond 4? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano4.html BOLIVIA'S ROAD OF DEATH! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bolivia.html MacGyver - How To Do It 7! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver7.html HAND PAINTING ART http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hpaint.html THOUGHTS INTO ACTION! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action.html Aww Animals 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals5.html Space Trivia! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spacetrivia.html Extreme Homes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html -<>- >Please Follow Me On StumbleUpon https://tinyurl.com/ycse7xoz -<>- >Et-Ahems From TheMouth: TV GO HOME TV Go Home is the ultimate spoof television listings page. Some of the programmes you can enjoy in tonight's line-up include "Shout Court", at 8pm, in which genuine legal disputes are settled according to which side can bellow their version of events the loudest, and "Con Air Twice", at 1am, described as a "mindless 1997 aerial prison-break action blockbuster broadcast in its entirety twice in a row." [Warning: Contains occasional strong language.] http://www.tvgohome.com/ BREW U High above polluted waters, the beautiful Brew U campus is nestled in the sprawling foothills of Mount Chuggalug. Satisfying America's thirst for Higher Education, its dean has a message for all of America's youth: "Thank you for your interest in Beer U and higher education. We hope you can qualify for the uplifting life of a BU-er, which can be a long and healthy one - if you can get the other guy to drive." http://www.brewu.com/ -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend PatDeE :) 12 Days of Winter This is too close to real... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zasAMvuy18 --- ...Indeed! Life in Satan's World! Thanks PatDeE! (Thank God TRUMP Brought Christmas Back to America!) -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) prime hunt http://tinyurl.com/3fkkc36 ripped : the real mandela http://tinyurl.com/nynxm3c ripped : terrorist http://tinyurl.com/ns89mrv BBC News - Uganda gives iPads to all MPs http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-25238939 --- ...Very Interesting! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Whether or not you were a fan of his "Fast & Furious" movies or you're more of a "Varsity Blues" fan, the death of Paul Walker hit film lovers hard. Nobody more so than his fellow filmmakers. They released this moving tribute to the beloved movie star. Get some tissues! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=o8UCI7r1Aqw --- ...Love It! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Karen :) This CGI Video Of A Whale Swimming Through A Forest Is All Kinds Of Beautiful If you’ve ever wondered what it’d be like if whales lived in the forest (and seriously…who hasn’t?), then I’ve got good news for you: this here lovely video gives you a glimpse into that world. http://www.uproxx.com/webculture/2013/12/whale-forest/ --- ...Pretty cool! Thanks KarenF! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "My New Year's resolution this year was to get a gym membership, use it twice, and then never use it again. I'm already halfway there." -Jimmy Kimmel "A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink souvenir cup from Senor Frog's." -Jimmy Fallon "New research came out that reveals that being attractive in high school leads to success later in life. So finally some good news for hot, popular teenagers." -Conan O'Brien "A company is working on a new selfie stick shaped like a human arm so users won't look like they're alone in pictures. Instead you'll just look like a completely normal person who's carrying around a severed human arm." -Seth Meyers "A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die." -Conan O'Brien "A new survey found that a growing number of millennials want to work from home and get more time off. They would have said more, but they had to pick up their gold star for participating in that survey." -Jimmy Fallon "Honestly must be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy." -George Carlin "When I'm in a slump, I comfort myself by saying if I believe in dinosaurs, then somewhere, they must be believing in me. And if they believe in me, then I can believe in me. Then I bust out." -Mookie Wilson (baseball player) People born in the year 2000 never have to remember how old they are." -Nick Offerman "Only in America do we shop at places with limited parking, overpriced items, long lines and call them "convenience stores." - Yakov Smirnoff "Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?? - Lily Tomlin "I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne Barr "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." - Steven Wright "You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there." - Yogi Berra "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study - Duh. - Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************