Tips, Slow Food And More... :) Shangy!
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
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You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
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================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This smoking hot new page is from our friends Linda, LouiseAu,
PatDeE and Geniann. It is a rib tickler that will give you
some smiles on your day. Be sure to check it out here...
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Decorating A Man Cave!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mancave.html
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...A fun one! Thanks My Friends!
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>-->Online Shopping Tips :)
By now, most of us have taken advantage of online shopping from
places like Amazon and eBay for their product savings over many
regular stores. But, I wonder how many of you are taking
advantage of online shopping for your every day grocery needs?
Lets face it, after 10 years of shopping for every day needs,
going to the store for toilet paper and dog food is just not as
fun as it used to be. And if you happen to have any pain issues
like I do now and then, it can be an unpleasant chore.
I like going to the Walmart super store as it has most name brand
items that cost about the same or lower than my smaller grocery
store has them at their sale price. So I save money going there.
I don't like their fresh meat or produce options though and often
have to go to a smaller store to get better quality foods.
However, if your Walmart is like mine, it has the normal grocery
store items separated on opposite ends of the building. My mom
used to take me to the mall and we'd spend all day shopping there.
It was great fun for one day out of the year. A Super Walmart is
like a mini mall only it has all the stores in one store. I cannot
imagine going to a mall to do grocery shopping. But this is what
the Walmart super store is like. But to make grocery shopping even
more of a marathon, they put the normal medicines, personal care
products and pet food on one side of the wall and at the other
end against the opposite wall they put the milk, dairy, meat and
bakery products. So if you need shampoo, dog food and milk, you
have to walk the full length of the mini mall to get them. This
makes many seniors go to the smaller stores because, like me, they
have issues with pain. Unfortunately, this also means they tend to
have to pay more for their regular grocery needs than younger or
pain free folks.
Online shopping solves this problem for people and also takes away
some of the drudgery of shopping. You can go online to Walmart -
http://www.walmart.com/
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Just a few tips to keep in mind:
#1: Plan ahead. It will take a good week or two for you to get
your items.
#2: Make sure your shopping items amount to at least $50.00. This
gives you free shipping. You want free shipping! Can you imagine
how much a 25lb box of cat litter would cost to ship? Or a 50lb bag
of dog food? Never shop unless you have free shipping.
#3: Cost check. Walmart - like any store, tries to slip outrageous
prices on items at times. Don't buy it. Get it later when you go to
the regular store for your fresh items.
Just think of all the time, energy and gas money you will save! You
just might have fun grocery shopping again!
-<>-
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VK
>CREDIT CARD Tips:
Think of your credit card as a most useful tool that is awesome
if you use it right but can cause big trouble if you use it wrong.
The thing to remember about your credit card is the big bank or
business behind it. They are willing to loan you money from this
little piece of plastic because they want to make MORE Money! That
is partly how they got to be a big bank or business. If you use the
credit card correctly, then you are the winner. However if you use
it wrong, then they make out like bandits!
Here's the most important thing to do when you get your credit card
statement:
#1: Pay the full amount. They dangle the little minimum amount due
in front of you hoping you will bite and only pay part of what they
loaned you so they can make out like bandits charging you huge
interest on the rest of the money you don't pay. They get rich and
you wind up paying double or triple for what you bought.
If you can't pay the full amount off, pay as much as you can and
pay it off as quickly as you can.
If you do that, then your loans from the credit card are free. You
get free credit for a month! How awesome is that? Work it to your
advantage instead of theirs!
Always pay off the full amount as quickly as possible. You'll get
free credit and an added benefit is your credit rating will go up
as they will think you are a super customer.
I hope these tips help you! :)
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
August 15 is Relaxation Day - now this one's for me!
August 16 is National Tell a Joke Day
August 17 is National Thriftshop Day
August 18 is Bad Poetry Day
August 19 is Aviation Day and National Potato Day
August 20 is National Radio Day
August 21 is National Spumoni Day, Senior Citizen's Day and
Summer Olympics ends in Rio
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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>Anniversary Cake
On our first anniversary, after a romantic candlelit dinner, my wife
emerged from the kitchen with the finishing touch: the top of our
wedding cake for dessert.
At the first cut, the iced layer "squeaked" at us.
For an entire year, we had saved a round chunk of frosting-covered
Styrofoam in our freezer.
-<>-
>Silver Lining
The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son
brought home. "The only consolation I can find in these awful
grades," lamented the father, "is that I know he never cheated
during his exams."
-<>-
>Self Defense
While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On
slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the
radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise.
One evening as the manager was leaving I expressed my concern to
him about our safety, being two women working alone at night.
"Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving of his hand. "If you see
anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows
karaoke."
-<>-
>Accelerated?
Toward the end of the school year, the sixth-grade teachers decide
which of their students should be accelerated in certain subjects
in the seventh grade. When a child is chosen, his parents are
notified.
When one boy was accelerated in science and math, his mother wrote
to the teacher: "I think this is quite an honor for someone who
just tried to make two quarts of lemonade in a one-quart pitcher!"
-<>-
>New Patient
A new patient had just been brought to the med/surg floor from the
ER. She was a very nice little lady around eighty years old. I
introduced myself and told her I would be helping her throughout
the shift.
About halfway through my introduction she stopped me, pulled me
close, and said, "I am going to tell all my lady friends that this
is the place to come, because they have the cutest male workers!"
I finished my spiel, and with a skip in my step, rushed into the
nursing station to brag about my compliment.
After I finished, a giggling RN whispered to me, "Ryan, that
patient is 90 percent clinically blind."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
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jrei
>Jokes
My wife's cousin married a former US Marine who now works for United
Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son to stuffed
bears -- one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb.
When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of
himself in full Marine dress. "See, Connor?" he explained, pointing
to the photo, and then to the bear. "That's Daddy."
Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a
puzzled voice, "You used to be a BEAR?"
--------
On a recent evening my family sat in a darkened theater waiting to
see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for
the theater's concession stand, we noticed the sound was missing.
The unexpected silence continued for several moments.
Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded,
"Okay, who's got the remote?"
--------
Sean got home in the early hours of the morning after a night at
the local pub.
He made such a racket hitting into the furniture as he weaved his
way through the house, that he woke up the missus.
"What on earth are you doing down there?" she yelled down from the
bedroom. "Get yourself up here to bed and don't wake up the
neighbors!"
"I'm trying to get a barrel of Guinness up the stairs," he shouted.
"Leave it 'till the morning," she shouted down.
"I can't," he said, "I've drank it."
--------
A man returns from a trip to Shanghai and is feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital
to undergo a series of tests.
The man wakes up after these tests in a private room at the hospital
and the phone by his bed rings.
"This is your doctor," says the voice on the phone. "We have the
results back from your tests. I'm sorry to report that you have an
extremely contagious deadly disease known as G.A.S.H."
"G.A.S.H?" replies the man. "What in the heck is that?"
"It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, SARS, and Herpes," explains
the doctor.
"My gosh, Doc!" screams the man in a panic, "what are we going to
do?"
"Well we're going to put you on a strict diet of pizza, pancakes,
quesadillas, and pita bread," says the doctor matter-of-factly.
"Will that cure me?"
"Well, no," says the doctor, "but it's the only food that will fit
under the door."
--------
Things weren't going too well in the Sunday School class.
Nobody seemed to recall the identity of Matthew.
Nor did they do any better with Mark.
Finally, the teacher said hopefully, "Surely somebody remembers
Peter!"
A small boy in the last row came to the rescue.
"Teacher," he piped, "wasn't he a wabbit?"
---
...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
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>Remember Sloooow Food?
'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite Fast Food
when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up, I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at Home,'' I explained! 'Mom cooked every
day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the
dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I
was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was
going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the
part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my
childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never
set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had
a credit card.
In their later years they had something called a revolving charge
card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears
& Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly
because we never had heard of soccer.
I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one
speed, (slow) We didn't have a television in our house until I was
11.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air
at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God;
it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a
locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.
I was 19 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese
slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned
that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was
in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial,
you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't
already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered
newspapers--my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It
cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to
get up at 6 AM every morning.
On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers.
His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told
him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones
who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in
the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were
responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity
or violence or most anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may
want to share some of these memories with your children or
grandchildren
Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend :
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December)
and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top
was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it
was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make
it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on
the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we
didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told
about. Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with table side jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show
and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there
were only 3 channels...[if you were fortunate)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H green stamps
16. Hi-fi
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!
I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the
best parts of my life.
Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really good
OLD FRIENDS
-<>-
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Artist: Bob Allison
>Heartwarming Lawyer story -
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two
men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have
to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you."
the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over
there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied Turning to the other poor man
he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have
a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car
as large as the limousine was.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and
said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with
you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."
Oh come on now... you really didn't think there was such a thing
as a heart-warming lawyer story did you???
---
...LOL! Of course not! Thanks Linda!
[An Et-Ahem]
Reminds me of what many of us just learned about Hillary. This is
how Clinton remembers her 1975 lawyer case:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tor00iWUhDQ
This is how the then 12 year old rape victim remembers the case:
Exclusive: ‘Hillary Clinton Took Me Through Hell,’ Rape Victim Says
The woman at the center of the scandal over Hillary Clinton’s defense
of an alleged child rapist speaks out in depth for the first time.
“I have been informed that the complainant is emotionally unstable
with a tendency to seek out older men and engage in fantasizing,”
Clinton, then named Hillary D. Rodham, wrote in the affidavit. “I
have also been informed that she has in the past made false
accusations about persons, claiming they had attacked her body. Also
that she exhibits an unusual stubbornness and temper when she does
not get her way.”
http://tinyurl.com/nuwm52x
The child sustained injuries causing her to never be able to have
children due to this brutal rape. She had never been with a man
before. Her alleged 41 year old rapist got off with time served -
two months.
So much for being an advocate for women and girls. Hillary showed
her true colors. She could have not taken the case since she
obviously believed her client was guilty! [laughing over polygraph]
For Hillary it is not about justice, it is all about her winning.
-<>-
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>My first day of employment after retiring
After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for
many retirees, I lasted less than a day. About two hours into my
first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman
walked into the store along with her two children, yelling
obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
___
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unknown
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning Madam
and welcome to Walmart." I then asked, "Nice children you have there.
Are they twins?"
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be $%^& stupid.
Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 8, and the other one's
7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you $%^& blind,
or just stupid?"
Surprised by her angry response, I calmly replied, "I'm neither
blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone slept with
you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart."
My Supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
-<>-
>Hip Surgery
Two patients limp into two different doctors' offices with the same
complaint: Both have trouble walking and may require hip surgery.
Patient 1. is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day
and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
Patient 2. sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an
appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an
x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his
surgery scheduled for 6 months from then, pending the review board's
decision on his age and remaining value to society.
Why the different treatment for the 2 patients?
The FIRST is a Golden Retriever taken to a vet.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen on Obamacare.
In November, if there is no change in government...
we'll all have to find a good vet.
---
...HaHa! It is sad indeed! Thanks Linda!
Obama promised that Obamacare would save the average family $2500
in medical costs a year. However, just like his 'you can keep your
own doctor' promise, that turned out to be a lie. Most families
are paying over $4500 more a year for coverage that they may not
ever be able to use.
Check out these Scary Obamacare facts:
Paying $3,000 or $5,600 before their insurance kicks in simply isn’t
an option for most families in times of emergency.
Despite its name, the Affordable Care Act limits access to health
care that people can actually afford to use — and it’s only
getting worse with each passing year.
http://tinyurl.com/j6d923n
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[Politics - so much news - so little space:]
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Now for the real story - To the Muslim Gold Star father that spoke
at the DNC…..I have some thoughts on your comments.
I am a Blue Star mother.
http://politicalcult.com/blue-star-mom-responds-muslim-attack-brutal/
---
...Wow! Hats off to her! Hard hitting! Thanks Geniann!
Spies: Obama’s Brass Pressured Us to Downplay ISIS Threat
U.S. intelligence analysts keep saying that the American-led
campaign against ISIS isn’t going so well. Their bosses keep
telling them to think again about those conclusions.
http://tinyurl.com/nw4cv29
BREAKING! Obama Admin BUSTED – The Truth About ISIS Has Been
Revealed
http://tinyurl.com/hqwnylj
Hillary Admitted She And Obama Created ISIS – Caught on Tape!
http://tinyurl.com/gn56ybd
WHOA! Did Obama Arm ISIS In The Paris Terrorist Attack??
Explosive news from Judicial Watch – it is possible that at least
one of the Operation Fast and Furious guns the Obama administration
let “walk” was used by terrorists in the attack on Paris last year!
http://tinyurl.com/j7l2uq2
Small Business Owner Sees Trump Walk Inside… Learns What Trump Is
Really Like
http://conservativetribune.com/small-business-owner-sees-trump/
‘Final 5’ US Team Wins Big At Olympics, But It’s What They Do Before
That The Media Won’t Talk About
They're winners on or off the floor mats.
http://tinyurl.com/zooebyf
Mayor Refuses To Remove BLM Banner… Group Of Vets Hang Their Own EPIC
Banner In Response
http://conservativetribune.com/mayor-refuses-blm-banner/
Hillary on her taxes
http://conservativetribune.com/hillary-releases-tax-record-liar/
BREAKING: Macy’s Makes Shock Announcement
http://conservativetribune.com/macys-makes-announcement/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Pennsylvania woman steers car with her feet while texting
A couple traveling on a stretch of Pennsylvania freeway
captured video of a woman steering her car with her feet
while using both hands to text.
Sarah and Shawn Delong captured video of the woman using
her feet to steady the steering wheel while traveling on
the Schuylkill Expressway in Center City.
"Someone is going to get killed, that's why I was so mad.
You see people on their phones all the time, but that
took the cake," Sarah Delong told local TV. "For a good
20 minutes we were in her vicinity whether it was beside
her or behind her."
The Delongs said they tried to get the woman's attention.
"At one point we beeped at her and I yelled 'get off your
phone!' And she looked and smirked at me and went right
back to doing whatever it was on her phone," Sarah Delong
said.
Shawn Delong said he was baffled by the spectacle.
"I've seen people reading and writing with their documents,
but not driving with your feet!" Shawn said.
The video emerged just days after a woman driving on a
stretch of Colorado interstate was recorded focusing on
her phone behind the wheel while resting a leg on the
dashboard.
-<>-
A rapper was left with severe injuries to his leg after he
was allegedly seen on video shooting himself in the leg
before opening fire on a crowd of people.
However, the aspiring rapper is now suing the Irving Plaza
Concert Hall in New York, for allowing guns into their
venue.
Roland Collins, 30, who goes by the stage name Troy Ave,
was arrested on charges of possession of a firearm and
attempted murder over the shooting that took place in the
backstage VIP, where the night's performers were seated.
He is free on $500,000 bail.
Collins, who was shot in the legs during the fight, claims
that he is the victim, and is now suing the venue for not
patting down people to check them for weapons before
allowing them to enter the venue through a side door.
The video that allegedly shows Collins firing the gun that
night, was uploaded to the Internet. In the video, Collins
appears to have accidentally shot himself in the leg.
Despite video evidence, the rapper and his lawyer, Scott
Leemon, maintain that he did not bring a firearm into the
venue.
*--- Love Means Never Having to Call in a Bomb Threat ---*
A jealous boyfriend was arrested after allegedly calling the
police to report that his girlfriend was carrying a bomb and
drugs on a plane, according to police in New York. The
Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) said that they have
arrested 33-year-old Danesh Gomanie of Queens, after being
accused of trying to prevent his girlfriend from flying to
Guyana, in order to stop her from meeting her former husband.
According to the criminal complaint, Gomanie called 911 on
Wednesday, and told the dispatcher that there was a woman on
Caribbean Airlines flight 527 who was carrying a bomb and
drugs. Gomanie admitted that made the call because he was
upset with his girlfriend for flying to Guyana, and was
afraid she would meet her former husband who lives there.
The girlfriend laughed at the idea of hooking up with her
former husband, saying that they have been separated for 10
years. The girlfriend forgave Gomanie for making the prank
call to police. Gomanie was booked into jail, and his bail
was set $20,000.
*---------- The Most Canadian Crime Ever ----------*
Thieves in Canada made off with more than 5,000 gallons of
maple syrup from trucks stored at a local warehouse. The
shipment was meant to be sent to Japan before delays forced
it to be locked away temporarily. Vice president of Mexuscan
Cargo shipping company Alfredo Monaco said thieves broke
into the warehouse and stole a shipping container carrying
20 pallets with a total of about 5,283 gallons of the syrup.
According to the CBC, the shipping company is offering a
$10,000 reward for the load's return. Monaco said insurance
will not cover the total of the missing goods and the
company would lose about $60,000, making the decision to
offer a reward an easy one. "$10,000 is not much compared to
the value of the goods," Monaco said.
*-- Daredevils Get an Eiffel of the Parasites --*
A pair of daredevils skipped the elevators at the Eiffel
Tower in Paris and climbed to the top of the structure while
filming their ascent. The video, posted to YouTube, shows
the two men purchase tickets to visit the Eiffel Tower at
night while it is illuminated and sneak away from the other
tourists to climb the structure's stairs. The men dodge CCTV
cameras and security officers before moving from the stairs
to the steel girders to make their way to near the top of
the tower. A drone helped film the men as they approached
the dizzying heights of the tower's summit. The uploader
said the video was filmed in June amid high winds that made
piloting the drone difficult. "The poor drone operator not
only crashed the drone but also received a pretty big fine,"
the post said. British daredevil James Kingston climbed the
Eiffel Tower in November of last year and were arrested when
they were discovered by security. Kingston said he was
released without charges when he promised not to try to
climb the tower again for at least three years.
*------------ Caterer Gets the Chair ------------*
A bride's big day ended in tragedy when her caterer was
stabbed to death over a few chairs. 36-year-old Tyonne
Domonique Johns, who is also known to many as chef Tyonne,
was asked to cater an outdoor wedding at a park in Virginia,
and she agreed. The wedding was held at the Ellanor C.
Lawrence Park in Chantilly. At the end the event, Johns
cleaned up the area. Meanwhile, government employee Kempton
Bonds, 19, who was waiting to lock up the park, noticed
Johns placing folding chairs, which he believed belonged to
the park, into her truck. Bonds confronted Johns, and the
two got into an argument over the ownership of the chairs.
Police are still trying to figure out what happened next
and what prompted Bonds to pull out a three-inch folding
knife and stab the woman to death. Bonds was arrested and
charged with second-degree murder. He was fired from the
park, pending the outcome of the investigation.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend MohB :)
(.,------...__
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'' .' _.' .()) .--":/
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jro
>Just Larry
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're
stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up.
The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing up there all by
yourself
------
Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream
on her face. 'Why do you do that, mummy?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother,
Who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'
------
The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'
Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN And the Cartoon Network!'
------
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board
of the 10 most wanted criminals.
Larry pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of
a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman.
'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'
Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
------
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched
as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and
down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes,
Larry asked, 'Dad, Why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to
make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.'
Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to
buy Mum.'
If this brightened your day, don't let it stop here.
Pass Larry on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer!
Pass him on to your Family And Friends
As I Just Did
---
...LOL! Thanks MoHB!
-<>-
>Tips - The Problem of SSN Fraud & How to Avoid It
One of the biggest security traps that we can ever fall into goes
like this: “So, sir, to complete your application I just need your
Social Security Number, please. Don’t worry, by the way, your
secret code will be safe with us!”
To which request, you, I and everyone else dutifully complies. This,
though, is a terrible mistake, because companies are unable to
protect your data from falling into the wrong hands, and this is
happening time and time again.
To help you steer clear of these open risks, here is some helpful
advice you will need to acquaint yourself with. First we start with
a list of 5 places you should not give your SSN, and then we’ll
show you how to avoid giving your SSN when it's requested by an
official sounding person.
The Security Risks of an Exposed SSN
It hardly seems a month goes by without some new hacking story
involving the private details of public and private people being
exposed. Even the CIA and FBI have been hacked in the past, so that
shows that really your data is not safe with anyone. Hillary Clinton,
Michelle Obama and Joe Biden have had their SSNs posted online
without their knowledge. It goes to show, that if your SSN is on a
computer somewhere, it is only a matter of time before it becomes
exposed.
But why is your SSN so valuable to criminals? In America, social
security numbers have become de facto personal identifiers, but
without any attendant photos or security. Anyway using your number
can claim to be you. If someone can acquire your SSN they are also
able to access your credit accounts and start new ones; purchase
houses and cars. They can rack up medical bills for you to pay and
even commit crimes using your name.
These risks amount to a systematic, Orwellian nightmare, with your
identity, credit and reputation becoming vulnerable. Reports from
the Javelin Strategy & Research estimate that those whose SSN has
been exposed are more than five times as likely to become victims of
fraud than otherwise.
Learn to Say No
The best thing you can do is also the easiest: say no. So when anyone
asks for your SSN, simply refuse.
5 Companies & Groups You Should Not Reveal Your SSN to
1. A caller or emailer. Security expert Adam Levin advises that we
should only provide our SSN if we are in the control of the
interaction. That means instead of responding directly to a call,
email or text message, contact the company using official means.
Find their phone number on your bank card, if it’s related to your
account, and ask for the security department. Otherwise you could
be responding to a deliberate scam.
2. Public schools. They simply do not need your SSN. If they want
address confirmation, provide them with a utility bill. If they
want to contact you, offer your email address and phone number.
3. Summer camps (or other child groups). Unless you are paying for
the summer camp with your credit card, there is no need to provide
your SSN. Again, if they want to see your child’s birth certificate,
show it to them, but don’t leave it with them.
4. Supermarkets. Refuse to give your SSN for a frequent shopper
card. These cards are not bank accounts or credit accounts. They
are simply a way for the supermarket to track your purchases.
5. A stranger who approaches you on the streets. It could be a
charity organization, a phone salesman or a voter registration
drive, but it doesn’t make a difference. You don’t know anything
about them and they can’t be trusted in this world of computer
hacking anyway. Deny them your SSN.
---
...Great Info! Thanks MohB!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.======================================.
| ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ |
| \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| |
| _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| |
'===================================== ,sSSSs
DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "(
.:. SSS@ =/ \~/
C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_
___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.-
[____________________________________] \ /\//
| ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/
| (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ;
| | | | | | | | | | |____|
| | | | | | | | | | \ |\
| | | | | | | | | | ) ) )
| |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/
| I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ |
jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\
Y\_\
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry,
we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an
open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is
diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to
augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes
into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,
"Excuse me, I'll just be a second."
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced
that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out.
Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of
the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor
I've found in this bar tonight."
Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar
in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender
says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in.
This could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat
takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au
naturel.
Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night
before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that
he's under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of
contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to
10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional
facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however,
and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental,
and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had
tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and
everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest
and closes the bar.
-<>-
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the
prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux
line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the
florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits for-
ever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a
large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and
gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing
happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the
song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he
heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
-<>-
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis
ball lying by the side of the walk. Being fairly new and
in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his
pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he
noticed a young woman standing next to him smiling.
Noticing the rather distinct bulge she asked, "What do you
have in your pocket?"
"Tennis ball," the man said, smiling back.
"Wow!" said the woman looking upset. "That must hurt. I once
had tennis elbow and the pain was terrible!"
-<>-
Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica.
"Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?"
"Of course not, Noah. I love music. In fact, when your
grandma and I were young, music saved my life."
"What happened?"
"Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam
broke and when the water hit out house it knocked it right
off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table
and floated out safely."
"How about you?"
"Me? I accompanied her on the piano!"
-<>-
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared
for him.
He can eat whenever he wants.
His meals are provided at no cost to him.
He visits the Doctor once a year for his check-up, and again
during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.
He lives in a nice neighbourhood in a house that is much
larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
He makes no contribution to the running or maintenance of the
house.
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives
these accommodations absolutely free.
He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses what-
soever.
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out, work
hard, and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me
like a brick in the head...
I think my dog might be in Congress!
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
|
--====|====--
|
.-"""""-.
.'_________'.
/_/_|__|__|_\_\
;'-._ _.-';
,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------,
``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""``
jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"`
\\_// '._ _.' \\_//
`"` ``---`` `"`
>LETTERMAN'S TOP TEN
Top Ten Signs Your Pilot is Drunk.
1. Midflight asks, "Which one of you losers is the
designated driver?"
2. Invites all passengers to a "layover" in his hotel room.
3. You experience heavy turbulence and you're only taxiing
to the runway.
4. Delays takeoff to de-ice his mojito.
5. Giggling fit every time he says the word "cockpit".
6. At security, passengers remove shoes - he removes pants.
7. Long rambling announcements about what animal shapes
he's seeing in the clouds.
8. In lieu of P.A. safety instructions, he sings "Kung Fu
Fighting".
9. Wings on his hat made of folded cocktail straws.
10. Introduces his co-pilots Johnnie Walker and Jack
Daniels.
-<>-
. .
|\_|\
| a_a\
| | "]
____| '-\___
/.----.___.-'\
// _ \
// .-. (~v~) /|
|'| /\: .-- / \
// |-/ \_/____/\/~|
|/ \ | []_|_|_] \ |
| \ | \ |___ _\ ]_}
| | '-' / '.' |
| | / /|: |
| | | / |: /\
| | / / | / \
| | | / / | \
\ | |/\/ |/|/\ \
\|\ |\| | | / /\/\__\
\ \| | / | |__
snd / | |____)
|_/
>Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor is Batman
1. He's a recluse in a weird outfit with a young sidekick
(Sorry, that's a sign your neighbor is Michael Jackson)
2. When he goes on vacation, asks if you'll water his
plants and grease his bat pole.
3. On Thanksgiving, you see green lantern holding a JELL-O
mold
4. You hear him on the phone asking J. Crew if they carry
seersucker cowls.
5. Introduces his parents - Carl and Linda Batman.
6. Who's banging on his door at 4 AM but an angry, Catwoman.
7. Is re-roofing his house to fix loose shingles and
grappling hook damage.
8. His teen son drove to the prom in the Batmobile.
9. When you mention Superman, he rolls his eyes and
mutters, "pantywaist".
10. Always complaining about his "rubber suit rash".
[Courtesy of the Late Show with David Letterman]
-<>-
,,,,,
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_/|/_ _//
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/ \_/ / /
, | \_._,-"
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| | |
._., - |.,_ //
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b'ger /____\__\
>TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I
can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do
while you're down there. (my favourite...)
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from
a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody
bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Morons At Work 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork3.html
Bucket List 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist2.html
Brilliant Logos!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/logos.html
Jobs That Suck!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html
Identity Theft 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html
Kodak Moments!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kmoments.html
Only ONE Job 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob2.html
Fun With Statues!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/funstatues.html
Only In Australia!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html
All Occasion Cars!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/allcar.html
Extreme Rednecks!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html
Did You See That 2?-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat2.html
Texas Outhouse Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html
Cell Phone Madness!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cellphone.html
Life's Little Oops 13!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops13.html
Got A Nanosecond 5!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano5.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 6!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver6.html
-<>-
>Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :)
Fun Pages
http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559
-<>-
>Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
http://tinyurl.com/zbt5vwd
-<>-
>From Our Friend Fran :)
The Obama Landfill
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG93E2fbBOk
---
...Yes, it's a joke - And a funny one! Thanks Fran!
-<>-
>From Our Firend Bunni :)
She sent us one we have here...
Police Dogs!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/policedogs.html
---
...HaHA! Love it! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
This is an illusion that will really drop your jaw. At first you
might think he's just going to swap the wine bottle with the glass.
But then he just keeps on pulling out wine bottles! How in the
world? Watch this master magician on America's Got Talent.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj7REndHqmc
---
...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu!
Like how our government keeps finding stupid projects to spend our
money on!
http://posey.house.gov/wasteful-spending/
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A Whole Foods store in New York will start offering
customers cocktails while they shop. It's part of Whole
Foods' new slogan, 'You'd have to be drunk to pay these
prices.'" -Conan O'Brien
"A guy in New York is selling the world's largest video
game collection, which includes 11,000 games. He doesn't
really want to sell it, but he needs some way to pay for
the divorce." -Jimmy Fallon
"A Colorado man unsuccessfully tried to break into a
University of Colorado ATM by spraying it with acid and
waiting for it to eat the protective covering away. He
was caught when authorities examined the three hours of
security footage of his face." -Seth Meyers
"The Olympic torch arrived in Rio today in preparation for
Friday's opening ceremony. And the cool thing about Rio is,
if the torch runs out of fuel you can just dip it in the
ocean and it'll reignite." -Seth Meyers
"The golf tournament at the Rio Olympics will be played on
a course that is apparently infested with 150-pound rodents.
The official said, 'Don't worry, the giant snakes will eat
them. So don't worry about them. Golf away, enjoy yourself.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"Sanitation is a big problem in Rio right now. The Olympic
village is giving away thousands of condoms for the athletes
to wear over their heads for the swimming events."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"Our friends in North Korea are said to be working on a big
new project. Sometime in the next 10 years North Korea is
hoping to plant a flag on the moon. And by that they mean
they're looking for someone who can Photoshop a picture of
their flag on the moon." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Doctors are telling the Rio athletes competing in water
sports not to put their heads under water to avoid getting
sick. Athletes asked how they were supposed to swim with
their heads in the air, and doctors were like, 'Oh, no,
don't - you don't breathe in the air. That's even worse.'"
-Jimmy Fallon
"A resort in Mexico has opened the first underwater bar.
Shortly afterwards it became host to the world's slowest
bar fight ever." -Conan O'Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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