Tips, Tidbits, And Warning Labels... :) Shangy!
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================
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
.,::OOO::,. .,ooOOOoo,. .,::OOO::,.
.:' `:. .8' `8. .:' `:.
:" ": 8" "8 :" ":
:, .,:::""::,. .,:o8OO::,. ,:
:,, .:' ,: 8oo`:. .:'oo8 :,,`:. ,,:
`^OOoo:"O^' `^88oo:"8^' `^O":ooOO^'
:, ,: :, ,:
:,, ,,: :,, ,,:
`^Oo,,,oO^' `^OOoooOO^'
-beethoven
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were trying to get in to
see the Olympics without tickets. So they got to the stadium during
one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to
attend without paying.
The Englishman walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on
the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said,
"Peter. England. Pole throwing." The guards let him in without
hesitation.
While walking, the Scotsman sees a manhole. He picks up the cover,
carries it under his arm to the entrance and says, "McGregor.
Scotland. Discus throwing." The guards let him in also.
The Irishman is very frantic, since both his friends are now inside.
He walks around the stadium and finds a roll of barbed wire. He
picks it up, walks to the entrance and says, "Murphy. Ireland.
Fencing."
-<>-
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat
in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in,
and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the
commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do
you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
-<>-
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," came the reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to
the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay,
your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
June 27 is Sun Glasses Day
June 28 is Paul Bunyan Day
June 29 is Hug Holiday, International Mud Day and Waffle Iron Day
June 30 is Meteor Day
July 1 is Canada Day/Dominion Day, Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day,
and International Joke Day
July 2 is World UFO Day
July 3 is Build A Scarecrow Day and Stay out of the Sun Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
|
|/ |
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/ \ () | ||
\ C '\ /|_() ||
) _| .'___/,,,// ||
.'=. (____E.' / / \ ||
| \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ ||
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\ `-' | .-. | | \ E ||
>====[] | \ |__| | O OE ||
/ |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E ||
\_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\|
\ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_|
\ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ |
|[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____|
||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ |
| | / || || /| | |
-----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------|
/| | || ||/`-|___| |
/\| | || \\._ [____] h|
/`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j|
`=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w|
) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" |
`='====' ,-' ' ` `-. |
`-.________.-' |
>Collateral
I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading
a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for myself, and I asked
the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make
a copy of the photo.
"Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said.
"But my husband is here getting a haircut," I explained.
"Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for."
-<>-
>Creature Comforts
While in the Army, stationed overseas, I found myself in a world
that had changed little since Biblical times.
With so few creature comforts available, packages from home
containing cookies and canned goods were received with great anticipation.
When I got a box from my sister, I happily tore into it, only to
discover just how far from home I really was. She had filled it
with packages of microwave popcorn.
-<>-
>Wedding
"How did the wedding go?" asked the minister's wife.
"Just fine until I got to the part where I asked the bride if she
would obey and she said, 'Do you think I'm nuts?' and the groom
said, 'I do,' and then things really began to happen fast."
-<>-
>Logic of a 12-year-old
I telephoned my 12-year-old son from work and asked him to go down
to the laundry room and take the clothes out of the washer and put
them into the dryer.
About 20 minutes later, he phoned me back and asked me if I would
like him to turn the dryer on.
-<>-
>Los Angeles Pedestrian
In Los Angeles (or any large California city), a police officer
asked a stopped motorist how he happened to hit a pedestrian in
the crosswalk.
"I didn't even touch him," explained the driver. "I saw him in the
crosswalk, came to a complete stop, and motioned for him to cross.
That's when he fainted."
------- Today's saying or thought ---------------------
What if the coins you find randomly at the bottom of drawers and
in-between couch cushions are actually from spiders trying to pay
rent?
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
.---------------------------.
/,--..---..---..---..---..--. `.
//___||___||___||___||___||___\_|
[j__ ######################## [_|
\============================|
.==| |"""||"""||"""||"""| |"""||
/======"---""---""---""---"=| =||
|____ []* ____ | ==||
// \\ // \\ |===|| hjw
"\__/"---------------"\__/"-+---+'
>SMILES
A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only.
The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying
a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the
man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket
was above the man's head.
Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her.
She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance.
Soon the picnic basket began to leak.
The man felt something drop on top of his head.
As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down
across his lips. He tasted it, looked up at
the lady and asked, "Pickles?"
She replied, "No, no, puppies....."
--------
(An Associated press release)
Reliable investigative sources in California say that radical
Muslims are planning to go on a rampage in the City of Los Angeles,
killing anyone who is a U.S. citizen.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 9.
--------
When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman
came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks.
"Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she
asked.
Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the
merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I'll take them."
Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me.
"Can I have another pack? This one's been opened."
--------
Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of
Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice:
"Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria."
Next to it, a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they want."
--------
At a Chicago post office, a woman complained to the clerk that a
Pony Express rider could get a letter from Chicago to St. Louis
in two days, and now it takes three. "I'd like to know why," she
scoffed.
The clerk thought a moment and then suggested, "Well, the horses
are a lot older now!
-------
Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise,
won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live
football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide
an excellent opportunity for doing so.
"I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!"
They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a
large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly
endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless
first half.
They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that
followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for
the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.
"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we
came in."
--------
A motorist was driving down the highway and all of a sudden he
hit a sparrow.
He pulled over, picked the poor sparrow who was still alive but
unconscious. He decided to take him home.
When the motorist got home, he put the sparrow in a cage, leaving
him some bread and water inside.
When the sparrow came to, he looked around and said: "Bars,
bread, water... Oh no! I killed the motorist!"
--------
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they
approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the
pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they
stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the waitress, "Before we order,
could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please
pronounce where we are very slowly?"
She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
-------
I was driving through Illinois last month listening to a call-in
program on WGN in Chicago. People were calling in all upset
about the goat's head sent recently to Cubs owner Tom Ricketts
at Wrigley Field.
Some guy called in from Indiana and said, "Why are you all so
upset cause someone sent a goat's head to Wrigley Field?
Aren't you the guys that sent a horse's ass to the White House".
I almost ran off the road!
---
...LOL! Hilarious! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
(.,------...__
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jro
>Pick-Up-Line
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car
pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.
"I'll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said
the driver.
"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.
"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.
"I said no way," replied the boy.
"What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver.
"No, I'm not getting in the car," answered the boy.
"Okay, I'll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver
offered.
"No!" replied the boy.
"What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver.
The boy replied: "Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo -- you live
with it!"
-<>-
>Joke for the day
Three surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to
operate on, the first surgeon said, "Electricians are the best,
everything inside is color coded."
The second surgeon says, "No, I think librarians are, everything
inside them is in alphabetical order."
The third surgeon quieted his colleagues both down when he said
"You're both wrong, politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine, plus, the head
and the butt are interchangeable."
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
|\
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/ O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ |
|____________| |____________| |
| ____________ || | |
|| ||| | |
|| ]||| | |
/\ ____ || ||| | _______ |
[| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| |
__|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___|
"I'm tellin ya, it's true!" |#####| jro\
>Great tips for you - 7 Appliance Problems You Can Solve Yourself
The washing machine, the fridge, the dishwasher - these are the
home appliances that make our lives that much easier. But when one
of them breaks down or doesn't do its job, what do you do then?
You could, of course, call a technician, but 80% of the time, the
problem is small and can be fixed easily and for free.
Here are 7 common problems we have with our home appliances that
we can easily fix ourselves.
>My dishes aren't getting cleaned!
Possible problem: Your dishwasher is not getting enough hot water.
The most important tool a dishwasher has is hot water. To check
for this problem, run the regular sink faucet on hot and see how
long it takes to start putting out hot water. If it takes a few
minutes, those are minutes your dishwasher is filling up with
nothing but cold water. Without hot water the machine will have
a hard time cleaning the greasy parts.
Possible problem: The filter is jammed
Make sure to also check the filter located (usually) on the floor
of the dishwasher. If it's clogged with food stuffs then water
will not easily flow to the spray arms. Clean the screen of the
filter.
-<>-
>My food isn't getting cold!
Possible problem: Your fridge is overworked
Check the condenser coils of your refrigerator. You can usually
find them down below the fridge (remove the kickplate). If they
are covered in dust, debris or hair, it means the machine is
overworked and uses too much energy, which also shortens its life
span.
You should clean the coils on a yearly basis, which can be easily
done with a vacuum cleaner. There are also special brushes designed
to clean these coils, if the vacuum doesn't get the job done.
WARNING: Be sure to unplug the fridge before cleaning the coils.
Ice is building up on the bottom of my freezer!
Possible problem: The defrost drain is clogged.
A freezer runs through a defrost cycle in which the melted water
runs through its drain and into a drip pan. If that drain is
clogged, the water starts to pool at the bottom of the freezer,
eventually turning into ice. If the freezer is on top of the fridge,
you may see melted ice dripping into it. If it's a side-by-side
unit, then it may just drip on the floor.
This problem can be solved by first taking out all the food stuffs
from both fridge and freezer. Then, unplug the unit and allow it to
thaw. Whatever is stuck in the drain should run out. If it doesn't,
remove the back cover and use boiling water on the drain (you can
use a turkey baster) in order to thaw it out. Squeeze water on the
drain to clean it out completely and after that, the regular cycle
of your freezer will return.
-<>-
>My clothes aren't getting dry!
Possible problem: You may have lint buildup in your dryer
It's a good idea to clean the filter of your dryer after EVERY use,
say experts. You'll be amazed how quickly it can build up layers
of sediment, and even do damage to your machine. A filter that has
been plugged will reduce the airflow inside the dryer. Even if the
filter looks clean, run some water over it. If the water pools on
it without draining much through, clean it with a brush, soap and
water.
Lint can also build up in the vent of the machine, which is a fire
hazard, so clean the lint accumulated on the vent cover.
Remember, a dryer has to breath!
-<>-
>There is a stink in my front-loading washing machine!
Possible problem: Mold or mildew is growing inside it.
Because the door of the washing machine must shut very, very
tightly, the insides of it can remain damp and eventually allow
mold to grow. Usually, this is especially apparent around the
gasket that seals the door.
My recommendation is the following: Run the washing machine without
any clothes inside on a clean or hot water cycle, using a special
'cleaner' tablet inside (ask at the local supermarket).
Alternatively, keep a towel handy and when you finish a load, wipe
away the moisture that has built near and around the door seal,
and leave the door open between washings to allow the moisture to
evaporate before mold takes hold.
-<>-
>My gas burner won't light up!
Possible problem: Food is in the way
If you are trying to light up the burner but there is no flame,
just the clicking sound of the igniter, there's a good chance
you're either out of gas, or you've had a spill. A bit of food
stuff in the wrong spot can completely prevent the burner from
lighting up.
It doesn't take much to clogg up a burner, so take a clean cloth
and use a far dissolvent to thoroughly clean around the burner.
I actually have an electric stove, but it won't get hot!
Possible problem: This one you may need to replace.
Placing too much weight on top of an electrical burner, such as
a heavy pot, can really damage it. You can push on the burner to
verify that it indeed has a strong, solid connection with the top
of the stove. If it's damaged and is a coil-type burner, you can
simply replace the coils (they are designed to be removable).
If a new burner doesn't do the trick, call an electrician. Don't
try to do anything else yourselves, as there is a high voltage
running through this appliance.
---
...Great Info! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
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_.-//_\\-._
.'.-' XII '-.'.
/`.'* *'.`\
/ /* / *\ \
| ; _/ ; |
| |IX (_) III| |
| ; \ ; |
\ \* \ */ /
\ '.* \ *.'./
jgs '._'-.__VI_.-'_.'
'-.,___,.-'
>Tidbits... Wanna buy a watch?
If you were in the market for a watch in 1880, would you know
where to get one? You would go to a store, right? Well, of
course you could do that, but if you wanted one that was cheaper
and a bit better than most of the store watches, you went to the
train station! Sound a bit funny? Well, for about 500 towns
across the northern United States, that's where the best watches
were found.
Why were the best watches found at the train station? The
railroad company wasn't selling the watches, not at all, The
telegraph operator was. Most of the time the telegraph operator
was located in the railroad station because the telegraph lines
followed the railroad tracks from town to town. It was usually
the shortest distance and the right-of-ways had already been
secured for the rail line.
Most of the station agents were also skilled telegraph operators
and that was the primary way that they communicated with the
railroad. They would know when trains left the previous station
and when they were due at their next station. And it was the
telegraph operator who had the watches. As a matter of fact they
sold more of them than almost all the stores combined for a period
of about 9 years.
This was all arranged by Richard, who was a telegraph operator
himself. He was on duty in the North Redwood, Minnesota train
station one day when a load of watches arrived from the East. It
was a huge crate of pocket watches. No one ever came to claim them.
So Richard sent a telegram to the manufacturer and asked them what
they wanted to do with the watches. The manufacturer didn't want
to pay the freight back, so they wired Richard to see if he could
sell them. So Richard did. He sent a wire to every agent in the
system asking them if they wanted a cheap, but good, pocket watch.
He sold the entire case in less than two days and at a handsome
profit.
That started it all. He ordered more watches from the watch company
and encouraged the telegraph operators to set up a display case in
the station offering high quality watches for a cheap price to all
the travelers. It worked! It didn't take long for the word to
spread and, before long, people other than travelers came to the
train station to buy watches.
Richard became so busy that he had to hire a professional watch
maker to help him with the orders. That was Alvah. And the rest
is history as they say.
The business took off and soon expanded to many other lines of
dry goods. Richard and Alvah left the train station and moved
their company to Chicago -- and it's still there.
YES, IT'S A LITTLE KNOWN FACT that for a while in the 1880's,
the biggest watch retailer in the country was at the train station.
It all started with a telegraph operator: Richard Sears and his
partner Alvah Roebuck!
Bet You Didn't Know Dat!!!
---
...Nope! Sure is a sweet story! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>All The Latest News:
http://rightalerts.com/
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Tear Down The Statute of Liberty?
http://www.thelibertybeacon.com/tear-down-the-statue-of-liberty/
---
...Tells it like it is. Thanks Geniann!
Well, almost - Snopes says it is a mixture
http://www.snopes.com/politics/immigration/newimmigrants.asp
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
_ __________=__
\\@([____]_____()
_/\|-[____]
/ /(( )
/____|'----'
\____/ unknown
I know I have said before that I would stay out of the gun
debate, but I just couldn't resist this story.
A taxpayer watchdog group called 'Open the Books' has just
published a report which shows that there are now more non-
military government employees who carry guns than there are
U.S. Marines.
I know we as a country recently suffered a tragedy involving
a mass shooting, and I am not going to argue against some
reasonable gun control reform, but no one can deny the
Olympic level of hypocrisy here.
The "Militarization of America" report found civilian
agencies spent $1.48 billion on guns, ammunition, and
military-style equipment between 2006 and 2014.
So who is carrying all of these firearms? Well, for example,
the Food and Drug Administration includes 183 armed special
agents. Health and Human Services now has a special division
of armed Inspector General Agents.
The EPA spent $3.1 million on guns, ammo, and equipment,
including drones, night vision, camouflage and other
deceptive equipment, and body armor. In case they catch
anybody dumping used motor oil in a river, or something.
Overall there are now over 200,000 non-military federal
officers with arrest and firearm authority, carrying around
military grade weapons and equipment, surpassing the 182,100
personnel who are actively serving in the U.S. Marines Corps.
Your government is trying to tell you that you, the
citizenry, cannot be trusted with certain types of firearms
and certain amounts of ammunition, meanwhile fielding a
literal army of bureaucrats and pencil-pushers armed with
pump-action and semi-automatic shotguns, semi-automatic
M&P15s, and H&K 416 rifles.
Now don't you feel safer?
-<>-
`/\
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<#|=====|______ / /__/
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/ |-|-|~
/ /---'
/ /
|_____| jiri
NO GUN USED HERE...
If there is one thing people from Maine take seriously,
it's lobster. And Lighthouses. And maybe moose. But if
you don't want to get on the bad side of a Mainer fast,
leave their beer alone. A lesson that was learned the
hard way by one man who couldn't resist helping himself
to a short-tempered neighbor's brews.
A man was arrested on a charge of murder after allegedly
cutting of the head of his neighbor who stole a 6-pack
of beer from his home, according to police in Maine.
Limington police said that they have arrested 57-year-old
Bruce Akers, after being accused of using a machete to
kill his neighbor, 55-year-old Douglass Flint.
Akers was charged with one count of murder. According to
the police, Akers led officers to Flint's grave after he
was confronted about the murder.
He had buried Flint beneath a rotting deer on his property.
Akers told police that he would have called in his crime
right away, but he wanted a few hours of freedom. Maybe to
polish off a few beers.
*------------ How's That For Luck? ------------*
The Illinois lottery announced a man with the appropriate
surname Gambles won the drawing for the second time --
playing the exact same numbers. Larry Gambles, 65, of
Matteson, won a $1,050,000 Lucky Day Lotto jackpot prize
by matching all five numbers in the June 7 drawing. Gambles
said his numbers, 01-06-12-14-25, have proved lucky for him
in the past -- including a previous lotto drawing. "Nine
years ago, I won $50,000 playing the numbers from the
jerseys of my high school basketball team. I've been playing
the same numbers ever since. I can't believe they paid off
again!" Gambles said. The retired school administrator
offered some advice for other lottery jackpot hopefuls:
"Pick your favorite numbers and stick with them. It worked
for me!" Unfortunately for Gambles, since the state of
Illinois still doesn't have a budget, he won't be getting
paid off any time soon.
*--- Horses Pass DUI Checkpoint in Colorado ---*
Police in Colorado were met with a surprise when a group
of people on horseback passed through a DUI checkpoint.
Lakewood police shared photos of the three equestrian
travelers and noted that even horses are required to adhere
to the checkpoint. "Well, this was a first for a DUI
checkpoint - but we are in Golden, so maybe we shouldn't be
surprised..." they wrote in another tweet. The Lakewood
police did not report arrests of any of the horseback riders
they encountered on Wednesday. The Denver Post reported a
45-year-old Colorado man was arrested on suspicion of DUI
while on horseback in 2013. I'm sure that arrest was in the
interest of public safety and not revenue generation, because
of all the drunk equitation related deaths.
*------- Tesla Floats Past Stranded Cars -------*
A Tesla owner in Kazakhstan showed off his car's ability to
traverse a flooded tunnel and the video caught the attention
of CEO Elon Musk. Sanzhar Altayev posted a video to YouTube
showing what happened when he drove his Tesla Model S through
a flooded tunnel filled with stalled and stranded cars.
Altayev's car begins to float and is able to make it to the
other side of the flood, where it drives away on dry land.
"When Tesla enters flooded tunnel it starts to float! Any
weather is grace with Tesla! Shame to skeptics!" Altayev
wrote. The video caught the attention of Tesla Motors CEO
Elon Musk, who confirmed the car's capabilities. "We *def*
don't recommended this, but Model S floats well enough to
turn it into a boat for short periods of time. Thrust via
wheel rotation," Musk tweeted.
*-------------- Bounce House Flies ---------------*
A bounce house took flight from a New York state family's
yard and soared on the wind until eventually colliding with
some power lines. The rented bounce house was being used
for a birthday party at a Niagara County home when a gust
of wind carried the inflatable structure away while no
children were inside, the residents said. A video captured
by the family shows the bounce house flying high into the
air. "Is everyone accounted for?" a woman's voice asks in
the video as the bounce house soars overhead. The bounce
house can then be seen flying toward some power lines and
a transmission tower. "It's going to hit the power lines!"
a man's voice says. The man proves correct, and the bounce
house strikes the power lines, setting off a flurry of
sparks. The National Grid said workers removed the bounce
house Saturday. A spokesman said power was temporarily shut
off to protect the workers. Michael Gersitz, owner of Party
in Buffalo Bounce House Rentals, said the bounce house
likely was not adequately anchored.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Karen :)
_____
/ \
(____/\ )
|___ U?(____
_\L. | \ ___
/ /"""\ /.-' | |\ |
( / _/u | \___|_)_|
\| \\ / / \_(___ __)
| \\ / / | | |
| ) _/ / ) | |
_\__/.-' /___( | | TO PEE OR NOT TO PEE?
_/ __________/ \ | |
// / ( ) | |
( \__|___\ \______ /__|____|
\ (___\ |______)_/
\ |\ \ \ /
\ | \__ ) )___/
\ \ )/ /__( -Michael Reeung-
___ | /_//___| \_________
_/ ( / OUuuu \
`----'(____________)
I have a job.
I work, they pay me.
I pay my taxes and the government
Distributes my taxes as it sees fit.
In order to get that paycheck, in my case,
I am required to pass a random urine test
(with which I have no problem).
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes
To people who don't have to pass a urine test.
So, here is my question:
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check
Because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get
back on their feet.
I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone
sitting on their BUTT ----doing drugs while I work.
Can you imagine how much money each State would save
If people had to pass a urine test to get a welfare check?
I guess we could call the program "URINE OR YOU'RE OUT"!
Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't.
Hope you all will pass it along, though.
Something has to change in this country - AND SOON!
P.S.
Just a thought, all politicians should have to pass a
urine test too!
---
...LOL! A great classic! Thanks Karen!
I think some States are wising up now!
===========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_________________________
|| || || ||
|| , , , ||
|| /|/(\|| ||
|| | _'_`| ||
|| | o o | ||
|| (| - ` |) ||
|| | = | ||
ScS || \___/ ||
||___ ) , ( ___||
/||---| -\_/- |---||\
/ ||--_||_____||_--|| \
(_(||)-|BANKS-R-US|-(||)_)
|"""""""""""""""""""""""""""|
When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put
his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint
account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?"
-<>-
The proper response to "Good morning" is not "Prove it!"
-<>-
Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman
and a super-model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good
for him).
-<>-
Feeling guilty about sneaking out of the house for a game of
golf, I left my wife a lighthearted note invoking the name of
my idol, Arnold Palmer: "I am playing golf. --Arnie."
When I returned home five hours later, I found a note beneath
mine: "I am shopping. --Ivana."
[Borrowed with appreciation from Reader's Digest.]
-<>-
Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again
looking down in the dumps. "Whats wrong now Doug," asked
Bill.
Doug replies, "They called in a management team and gave
everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they
were best suited for."
"Yeah, so whats the problem with that?"
Doug sighs, "Well it seems that I am best suited for un-
employment."
-<>-
A young woman really thought she'd been very patient, through
a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage.
One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restau-
rant. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So...
how do you like your rice? Boiled? Or fried?"
Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and
replied, "Thrown."
-<>-
Margaret was really peeved! She was arguing with the druggist
because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a
prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a pre-
scription because it's a habit-forming drug."
"IT IS NOT!" yelled Margaret! "I ought to know...I've been
taking it regularly for seventeen years!"
-<>-
A lady was browsing through everything at a yard sale and
said to the hostess, "My husband is going to be so upset
when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale."
"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the
bargains you found," the hostess replied.
"Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just broke his leg,
and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have
it set."
-<>-
I wish I had a small truck so I could take advantage of a
contract hauling opportunity I saw mentioned the other day.
Seems a water-garden company wants a load of frogs delivered,
but they have to be delivered in a special bog-like container
that will fit in a pickup truck's bed. They'll pay in food,
which is exactly what the cat likes best! For each load deli-
vered, the company will provide one enormous home-baked cas-
serole with a crust of middle-eastern flat bread. Mmmmmm!
That's right: a pita pie per pickup pack of puddle peepers.
-<>-
At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's
edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in,
please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the
boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered,
"return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you
overtime."
"Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only
have 75 boats. There is no number 99."
The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega-
phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble
out there?"
-<>-
In any organization, there will always be one person who
knows what's going on; This person must be fired.
-<>-
When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day,
sometimes in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when
we found out there was a bus.
-<>-
Driving along the freeway in Southern CA, I spied two land-
scaping trucks loaded with sod and bearing these slogans:
"Instant Grassification" and "Sodisfaction Guaranteed."
-<>-
>Friendly Community
My friend is a rather old-fashioned lady, always quite
delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She
and her husband were planning a week's vacation in
Arizona; so she wrote to a travel trailer court and asked
for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped,
but didn't quite know how to ask about the "toilet"
facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the
word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she
finally came up with the old-fashioned term "bathroom
commode". So, she started all over again and referred to
the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. "Does the camp-
ground have its own B.C."? is what she actually wrote.
Well, the court manager, Herman, wasn't old-fashioned
at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure
out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business
really had him stumped.
After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter
to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the
lady meant either. So, he finally came to the conclusion
that the lady must be asking about the location of the
Baptist Church. He sat down and wrote the following
reply:
Dear Madam:
I regret the delay in answering your letter, but now take
pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located 9 miles
north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people
at one time. I admit, it is quite a distance away if you
are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will
be pleased to know that a great number of people take their
lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive
early and stay late.
The last time my wife and I went was 6 years ago and it was
so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there.
It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper
planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going
to hold it in the basement of the B.C. I would like to say
it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly,
but it is surely no lack of desire on my part. As we grow
older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in
cold weather.
If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I
could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and
introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember, this is a friendly community.
-<>-
__.-=-._
,""\_ _/"'\
-__o.-' '-._0/
_ | .' \ \ _
( \| / | | ` (_/ )
)/ / / \\_ ,(
\|(___ ___) .(\_/
/ \'_| \
\-'''.____.''''--/
`.-.__,__.__.-'/
`-._______.-'
_\ \__
/_ \'_ \-.
|/ \ / \/ Don't Touch That!
/o
>Warning Labels
Report from The Washington Post, in which they asked readers
to come up with absurd warning labels for common products.
Fourth Runner-Up -- On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby
out with bath water. (Gary Dawson, Arlington)
Third Runner-Up -- On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R)
throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companion-
ship. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Second Runner-Up -- On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use
as a home pregnancy test. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
First Runner-Up -- On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as
a flotation device. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
And the winner of the Power Ranger pinata: On a cup of
McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin
area. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
-<>-
_________________________________________________________
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||.--. .-._ .----. ||
|||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ ||
||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---|||
|||==| | | | | \ | | |_\/_|Black| | ^ |||
||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ |||
||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ |||
|||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---|||
||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
|| ___ .-.__.-----. .---.||
|| |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^|||
|| , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q |||
|| _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R |||
|| '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y |||
||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z |||
|| _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^|||
|| `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^||
||-------------------------------------------------------||
||_______________________________________________________||
Qryz
>The "Not So Great Books" literary series:
HOW TO WRITE BIG BOOKS, by Warren Peace
I LOST MY BALANCE, by Eileen Dover and Phil Down
THE GREAT GERMAN BANK ROBBERY, by Hans Zupp
I HATE THE SUN, by Gladys Knight
PRISON SECURITY, by Barb Dwyer
HOW I WON THE MARATHON, by Randy Holeway
WHEN THE LION ATTACKED, by Claude Yarmoff
TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT, by Ike Witt
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Why Trump?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump.html
Bear Rescue 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue3.html
Colorful Birds 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds3.html
Balloon Party!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/party.html
Thank You God!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thankgod.html
More Abundant Life!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abundantlife.html
Wall Mural Art 4!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart4.html
Maria The Goose!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html
God's Paintings 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpaints2.html
Crayola Art 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crayolaart2.html
Wood Chip Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodart.html
Auto MotorPlex!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html
Sandy's Can Cars!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cancars.html
Willis (Sears) Tower!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willist.html
Sand Sculpture Art 4!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart4.html
Akiane Thru The Years!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy2.html
Scott Weaver Toothpick Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/toothpick.html
In The Wild With Brendon Cremer!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/inthewild.html
-<>-
>Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :)
Fun Pages
http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559
-<>-
>Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
http://tinyurl.com/gwk9x33
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
Now this is a real mud fest back in the 1920’s! An oil field
Dodge promotional film.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/nq2jY1trxqg?rel=0
---
...Cool! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
5 Favorite Amish Peach Recipes
http://tinyurl.com/h6z2je7
Are Radishes Good For Us?
http://tinyurl.com/zkl8h7o
---
...Wow! Great Info! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu
An extraordinary blend of classical dancing with cutting-edge
technology gave birth to this amazing display of movement and
visuals. This group of dancers traveled all the way from Italy
and The Netherlands to unveil the amazing talent and forethought
of their five-person team to these UK-based judges. So sit back
and enjoy one heck of a show!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcXTk1iGpeY
These pooches are so dog-tired and dreaming their doggy dreams,
and you get a front-row seat to the cutest and funniest show
in town!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW9B5ZuRdAw
---
...Cute! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
And I was expecting horses
Bud Light does it again!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew9cEATPzDE
---
...LMAO! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it
will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
--Herm Albright
"That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie,
the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored
chalk from the classrooms."
--Principal Skinner, The Simpsons
"I have caught word that a child is using his imagination
and I've come to put a stop to it."
--Principal Skinner, The Simpsons
"Children, I couldn't help monitoring you conversation.
There's no mystery about Willie. Why, he simply disappeared.
Now, let's have no more curiosity about this bizarre cover-
up."
--Principal Skinner, The Simpsons
"According to a survey on Match.com, 37% of single people
think splitting the check is okay on a dinner date. The
other 63% were women." --Jay Leno
"I don't have a fear of flying. I have a fear of crashing."
-Eccentric actor BILLY BOB THORNTON's down-to-earth phobia.
"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which
I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
--Jack Handey
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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