Tongue Twisters And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This scorcher is from our friend Linda. The best of the best dog photographers photos are here for your viewing pleasure. Sure to delight and amuse you! Check it out here... __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb Kennel Club Dog Contest http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kennelclubdog.html --- ...So many excellent ones here! Thank You Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Quotes Worth Remembering ## _[]_ "Remember folks - [Traffic] lights timed [____] for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph." .----' '----. -- Jim Samuels .===| .==. |===. \ | /####\ | / "USA Today has come out with a new / | \####/ | \ survey- apparently, three out of '===| `""` |===' every four people make up 75 percent .===| .==. |===. of the population." \ | /::::\ | / -- Dave Letterman / | \::::/ | \ '===| `""` |===' "Obviously crime pays, or there'd be .===| .==. |===. no crime." \ | /&&&&\ | / -- G. Gordon Liddy / | \&&&&/ | \ jgs '===| `""` |===' "Bureaucracy is the art of making '--.______.--' the possible impossible." -- Javier Pascual Salcedo "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." -- Mitch Ratliffe .-. /# |`\ "When life hands you lemons, throw them at your neighbor." | . | -- Anonymous '.__./ "1 friggabyte: the size of a file that takes far too long to transfer over the Web." -- Anonymous ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 21 is National Hugging Day January 22 is National Answer Your Cat's Question Day and National Blonde Brownie Day January 23 is National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day, and Measure Your Feet Day January 24 is Eskimo Pie Patent Day January 25 is Opposite Day January 26 is Australia Day January 27 is Punch the Clock Day and Thomas Crapper Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,,aadd8888888ba, .o8P""' `""Y8o. .88"' _____ `"88. .dP' /~ / ~\ `Yb. .8P j' f , ~/' "8. .8" |\ d 7' "8. .8| | H /| |8 o8 | \`H / | 8b 88 | H / | 8) 88 | \ N | 8) 88 |\ `H / | .8P Y8 \ H' / o8' `8| \H/ a8' `8o H a8' Yb. H .od' "8o V .dP' "V8o,,. ,,od8" ``""YY8888888PP""' Roberto De Feo >Air Conditioning A technician working at a small not-for-profit organization reports that they are having problems with the air conditioning in their small computer room. "It was routinely getting into the low 80's," he says. "We thought the air conditioning for the room should be plenty for the space, but we had added a number of additional systems." So the organization brings in a vendor to see what beefing up the cooling system will cost. The quote is in the neighborhood of $25,000 -- way too pricey for this outfit. "At non-profits, money is never in abundance and we knew we wouldn't be able to scrape up anywhere close to $25,000," says the technician. "However, our board required us to get three quotes for any expense close to that. So we brought in a competing vendor." The second air-conditioning guy walks into the computer room and looks around for a minute. Then he picks up a spare cardboard box off the floor and tapes it over the thermostat. "No charge," he says. It turns out that an air-conditioning vent was blowing directly onto the thermostat. So as soon as it would turn on, the thermostat would register the temperature change and shut the air conditioner off. The technician reported, "We did end up spending $100 or so to replace the cardboard box with something nicer ... and to buy dinner for the second vendor." -<>- >Company Policy A shopper at the grocery store had written a check for her purchases and was waiting for the clerk to bag them. Instead, he asked for identification, citing company policy. The flustered shopper responded, "But I'm your mother!" -<>- >Frozen A wife texts her husband on a cold morning: "Windows frozen." Her husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it." The wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer completely messed up now." -<>- >Newly Married A newly married man, feeling a little insecure, asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," his bride replied sweetly, "I'd have married you no matter who left you that fortune!" -<>- >Rambunctious Threesome My twins were born when my oldest boy was just 16 months old. When the twins became toddlers, my brood had grown into a rambunctious threesome,and I relied on my mother for advice and moral support. One morning I phoned her to describe how one of the twins had decorated the living and dining room walls with colorful, indelible felt markers. "I'll have to paint everything," I wailed. "I'll never be able to scrub this off!" Quietly, Mom said, "When you did it, you used lipstick." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) ,%&& %&& % ,%&%& %&%& %& %& %&% &%&% % &% % &%% %&% &% %&%&, &%&% %&%& %& &%& % %%& %&%& %&%&% %&%%& &%&% %&% % %& &% %%& && %&% %&%& %&% %&%' '%&% %&% %&&%&%%'% % %& %& %&% &%% `\%%.' /`%&' | | /`-._ _\\/ |, |_ / `-._ ..--~`_ |; |_`\_ / ,\\.~` `-._ - ^ |;: |/^}__..-,@ .~` ~ `o ~ |;: |(____.-' '. ~ - ` ~ |;: | \ / `\ //. - ^ ~ |;: |\ /' /\_\_ ~. _ ~ - //- jgs\\/;: \'--' `---` `\\//-\\/// >You Might Be a Redneck If.. ...Starting your car involves popping the hood. ...Your garbage man is confused about what goes and What stays. ...You've ever passed an afternoon by watching other People get their haircut. ...You whistle at women at church. ...You inherited a toilet plunger. ...You have no idea how many pets you have. ...You can't find your lawnmower. ...Your phone cord is a safety hazard. ...You've ever accepted an invitation written on A bathroom wall. ...You hold the hood of your car open with your head While you work on it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children. While they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's Work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked What the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl Replied, 'They will in a minute.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the Coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then We don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You're in charge of the cooking around here and You should do it, because that's your job. I can just wait for my Coffee." The wife replied, "No you should do it, and besides it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." The husband replied, " I can't believe that, show me." So she grabbed her Bible, and opened to the New Testament and showed Him at the top of several pages, that it indeed said: ~~~ ~~~ "HEBREWS"!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RIDDLES What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight? Sir Render. What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the old block What do frogs wear for a night out on the town? Jumpsuits. What musical is about a train conductor? "My Fare, Lady" What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction. Why did the teacher cry on the last day of school? Because she didn't want to be divided from the class How angry can a kangaroo get? Hopping mad! A guy is driving around the back woods of Virginia and he sees a Sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog for Sale." The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk When I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told The CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed Services... The United States Marines ... You know one of their Nicknames is "The Devil Dogs". In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, Sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one Figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most Valuable spies for eight years. The jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting Any younger. So, I decided to settle down. I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the Airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious Characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings And was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of Puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants For the dog. "Ten dollars," the guy says. "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling Him so cheap?" "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that. He was in the Air Force!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _--"-. .-" "-. |""--.. '-. | ""--.. '-. |.-. .-". ""--..". |'./ -_' .-. | | .-. '.-' .-' '--.. '.' .- -. ""--.. '_' : ""--.. | ""-' mga "Cheese It" The astronauts in the Sea of Tranquility were amazed to discover That the moon actually did contain large underground deposits of Cheese. Once outside the landing module, they climbed into the rover And drove across the lunar surface to obtain samples. In one location they discovered a large deposit of brie and Collected twenty-five pounds to bring back to earth. They drove to a Second location and collected fifty pounds of camembert. In a third Location they hit a vein of cheddar and collected another fifty Pounds of samples. Mission Control crackled through their headsets that it would not be Satisfied unless they brought back at least another twenty-five Pounds of brie. The astronauts turned their rover around and Proceeded to the first location, where they collected another Twenty-five pounds of the cheese. The astronauts were almost back to the landing module when Mission Control radioed that it wanted another twenty-five pounds of brie. Disgruntled, one of the astronauts sarcastically snapped into his Microphone, "Have you ever seen such a site in all your life as brie Mined thrice?" (Three blind mice) --- ...LOL! Good oens! Thanks KarenF! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) _.----. .----------------" / / \ ( EVEREADY | | |) | `----------------._\ \ / "----' Lester / itz / Nate Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark. -<>- >A Pet Quiz: Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean: a) It's hungry b) It's lost c) You're hungry Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this: a) supper b) something to keep you going till supper's ready c) inedible junk to be scorned in favor of what the human's got. Your human removes you from the top of the television. Does this mean: a) You're in trouble - better not do it again b) Nothing - humans do this from time to time c) The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it. Staircases are for: a) Getting up to the human's bedroom at 4am b) Lying in wait in the dark at the top of the stairs c) Walking down just slower than the human in front of it. d) all of the above --- ...pegged em'! TeeHee!Thanks Bunni! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) /(_ /_ (_ / O \ |_. | \ | | |\ / | \ | \ (-.\ fish walking _)\ \ ( )_/\ \_( \ / ) ( _ _ _ / _ \ /'\/'\'\ / _// / \(/\(/(/ \\_/_/ \_\/ ./<./They walk among us... *And the answer is...... NEW YORK - resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.' Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.' After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans was posed with a typically easy initial $100 question. The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?' A) A Peanut B) An Elephant C) The Moon D) A Car Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she did not readily know the answer. 'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.' Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure. 'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans. 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.' Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant. 'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.' Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds. 'Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't be it.' To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice. 'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans. Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of *answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life. 'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see... I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.' Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath - and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.' ---- Caution...they walk among us! *This one is equally unbelievable.**(No comments needed!)* Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.' The next day someone stole it! They walk amongst us! --- I stopped at Mc Donalds and ordered some fries. The girl behind the counter said would you like some fries with that? ____ *One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.... 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?' --- They walk among us! While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime. She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......' They Walk Among Us! --- My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'. They Walk Among Us! --- My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk. They Walk Among Us!/* --- I was going out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!" I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned... They Walk Among Us ! --- I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'..... (I work with professionals like this.) They Walk Among Us! --- While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces. They Walk Among Us! ___ *And last, but not least: Dumb as a box of Rocks... *A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS, - TRUE STORY - : A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease. 'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears ompletely normal?' 'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..' 'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi. Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made hree trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'' Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.' ____ *They Drive, they breed, they vote.* *Be Afraid... BE VERY AFRAID!* --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend Bunni :) Right to bear arms? - Take the vote: http://tinyurl.com/a6r5z4d --- ..Good one! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Wow. Now I know that if I ever want to generate a lot of reader comments all I have to do is start talking about gun control (safety). Unfortunately, half of the comments are from readers telling me they are unsubscribing. Fortunately, half of the people telling me they are unsubscribing never unsubscribe (or else how would they know if their comment got published). But there are issues other than gun violence and gun control which demand our attention; like the slow unraveling of western civilization. The news today read like signposts marking the progressive dissolution of society. These problems need to be addressed. Are there solutions? Take the story of a 29-year-old mother who was attacked while shopping in a Bed Bath & Beyond in Middletown, NJ. The 19-year-old assailant approached her, apparently randomly, and began stabbing her multiple times, puncturing both her lungs before he fled. Fortunately the victim survived, but clearly what is needed here is more knife control. If there were fewer knives on the streets this tragedy might not have happened. Then there is the story of a Dallas grocery store clerk who was brutally attacked during a robbery. His assailant put him into a coma by beating him repeatedly in the head with several hammers. Several! Why are there not federally mandated hammer locks? And a limit on the number of hammers a person can buy should be a no-brainer. Finally, in Philadelphia, a poor woman who was waiting for a train at a subway station was approached by a homeless man who asked her for a light. When she reached into her pocket he grabbed her and began punching her multiple times. He then dragged her to the edge of the platform threw her onto the tracks, afterward running away with her cell phone. When are our elected officials going to see that what we need to do is register the homeless? Perhaps create a database where information on the homeless can be shared so we know who and where they are? When these practical, common sense steps are taken, then we can safely and comfortably ignore the plague of mental illness, the corruption of education and the erosion of our cultural values and mores. Let the email flagellation begin. *-- Pot pie burglar enters drug treatment --* SALISBURY, Md. - A Maryland man who broke down the door of a house, took off his pants and ate a chicken pot pie was spared jail when he agreed to enter drug treatment. Russell Neff, 23, pleaded guilty to first degree burglary and was sentenced to 10 years in jail with all but time served suspended when he agreed to enter a drug treatment court program Jan. 11, The Daily Times, Salisbury, Md., reported Thursday. Police said Neff broke down the door to a stranger's Salisbury home in August and cooked and ate a chicken pot pie from the home's kitchen, The Washington Post reported. Officers arrived to find Neff clad in only his underwear and licking a television remote control, police said. *-- Pa. prison offers 'love' tours --* PHILADELPHIA - A former prison in Philadelphia is offering special Valentine's Day tours themed around "love stories throughout the prison's history." Officials said Eastern State Penitentiary, which operated as a prison from 1829 until 1971, will offer romantic Winter Adventure Tours Feb. 14-17 with a focus on the love stories from the years of the prison's operation. "During these four days, visitors can experience the history of Eastern State with an added focus on love stories throughout the prison's history," the attraction's website said. The love stories detailed on the tour will include the stories of Elizabeth Velora Elwell and Albert Green Jackson, inmates who exchanged letters and met secretly in the prison's cellar, and inmate Sydney Ware, who married socialite Ella Hershey before she secured his pardon. Tickets for the tours are being sold as buy one, get one free to encourage visitors to bring their significant others. *-- Man gave wedgies for YouTube video --* BRADENTON, Fla. - Police in Florida said they arrested a YouTube prankster accused of giving wedgies to strangers at a movie theater. Manatee County sheriff's deputies said Charles Ross, 18, of Bradenton, and a friend went to the Royal Palm Theater Sunday night and Ross began giving wedgies to strangers while his friend took video footage, the Bradenton Herald reported Tuesday. Deputies said most of the alleged victims were too embarrassed to press charges, but one said charges would be filed. Investigators said Ross is known by local law enforcement for pranks he pulls for his YouTube videos. Ross and his friend were ejected from the theater and told they would be arrested if they returned. The camera was seized as evidence. *-- Swedes shed pants to ride trains --* STOCKHOLM, Sweden - More than 100 people in Stockholm, Sweden, shed their trousers in cold weather for the annual No Pants Subway Ride. Betty Jarra, an organizer of the event, said the underdressed people on the commuter trains Sunday were taking part in what has become an annual tradition, The Local.se reported Monday. "It's always been a success since we started with just eight people back in 2009. And it works because it makes people happy, and it gets them to react. It doesn't matter how they react -- as long as they do," Jarra said. "People get engaged more than they usually do in Stockholm and we think that's important," she said. The event was inspired by a New York tradition, started in 2002 by performance group Improv Everywhere. There are now No Pants Subway Rides in 60 cities around the world. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] >My kind of salesman Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. Boudreaux's first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled. The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge. The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch. Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, "If you has da normal GI insurans an' you goes to Afghanistan an' gets youself killed, da govment' pays you benefishery $20,000. If you takes out da suppmental insurans, which cost you only t'irty dollars a munt, den da governmen' gots ta pay you benefishery $400,000! "Now," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first? --- ...HaHa! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >Priceless... A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints." --- ...LOL! Thanks Johanna! ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: .. blaa blaa blaaa... .((())). cornet -> ( \(( ))==> <- pencil t |//_^ ^)" p e y \)_\V/.-. t y p /||| ( _\ _e/ |'\/__.-.\ _ ___.'_(.'_)_/ ,___))___ _ ___/||___t p .'-'-_-_-'-,:y e .'-_-_-_-_-_-/ (__________,(/mrf keyboard(_.-._.-._. My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything okay at the office?" I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped for a minute." "Can you do me a favor?" he asked. I said, "Of course, anything, what is it?" He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm right behind you on the 7th hole." -<>- My 10-year-old daughter has decided she is an environmentalist. So she talked me into participating in an aggressive recycling effort with her. Last week she and I took what proved to be 134 pounds of card- board boxes to the recycling center and earned $1.34. Counting gas and ice cream, we turned a profit of -$7.85. We're going to use generally accepted accounting principles and see if we can apply this amount to our taxable income. -<>- At the beginning of my junior year of high school in Arkansas, our homeroom teacher had us fill out a form stating our future goals. Out of curiosity, I leaned over to see what my friend put down for her aspirations. Where it read "Vocational Plans" she had written, "Florida." -<>- A wife asked her husband, "Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen." A while later the husband returned with a case of quart milk cartons. Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, his wife asked, "Why the hell did you buy so much milk?" Her husband said, "They had eggs." -<>- The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order. When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn't decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses -- one for each year of her life. The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife." The young man bought a dozen roses. -<>- My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question "To what do you attribute your fitness issues?" the woman wrote, "Horrendous eating habits." "What makes you answer that?" my friend asked. The woman replied, "I can't spell atrocious." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: __ ",'. ",\ / Y , _,'--.\ \_-( ;--(/\ ) \'. )6,6 /) \ \_ \ _, |_ ', '--/'---'- /_/'-._ '-'-L._ -|/ /-._ / | |-~'--._'-._/(, ,_/> / ''--~ /\<_ _/ // "-'-'\ ,~-. ._ ) / \_/ '\ / / \ | / /` _\ | ( ,/ _.-' __.' / / [((---' / / ) ) / / \/ K=/ snd / _> )_/ >Top Ten lies parents tell their children: 10. This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. 9. I've had enough of your crap...I'm calling your REAL parents to come and take you back. 8. Just tell me the truth and you won't get in trouble. 7. If you sit that close to the TV you're going to go blind. 6. We took Fido to live on a farm in the country. 5. You'll go to Hell if you masturbate. (This is not a lie if you're Catholic.) 4. The stork brought you to us, honey. 3. When I was your age I walked 10 miles to school, up hill both ways, in the snow. 2. Just because a girl has pierced nipples doesn't make her easy. And the number 1 lie parents tell their children... 1. Remember son, girls like a gentleman. -<>- >Murphy's Technology Laws Murphy's Technology Laws Murphy's Technology Law #1: You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Murphy's Technology Law #2: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Murphy's Technology Law #3: Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. Murphy's Technology Law #4: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. Murphy's Technology Law #5: An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing. Murphy's Technology Law #6: Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure. Murphy's Technology Law #7: All great discoveries are made by mistake. Murphy's Technology Law #8: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. Murphy's Technology Law #9: All's well that ends... period. Murphy's Technology Law #10: A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost. -<>- .'''. '(("""))' '((O.O))' '; o ;' .("|((, / | || (_ | |/ ,'..,' : ScS @[.,..' \ `, | | | >Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman "Honey, come on, you're blocking the big screen TV!" "No, I don't mind. Helping you get up out of the chair is a bit habit forming." "Sorry I can't give you a hug, my arms aren't that long." "What do you mean, the seat belt won't fit?!" "So the doctor said you're going to get, um, even bigger?" "Why not wear one of my shirts? Oh, they don't fit either..." "Bet you $20 I can outrun you across the back yard!" "Come on, as soon as my team breaks this tied game, we'll leave for the hospital." "Since your contractions are so far apart, how about cooking us some boiled cabbage and sauerkraut before we leave?" "Maybe someday you'll return the favor and tie MY shoes." "But why can't you trim your own toe nails?" ...and anything said while she is looking in the mirror just after taking a bath. -<>- ,-~***~-._.-~***~-. / \ / .--~~~--..--~~~--. \ ,' /._,/\._,/\._,/\._,\ `. ~-. \.-~ .-~ // ,-~ \/ ,* / ,* // / the R O L L I N G S T O N E S / ,**' / ,*'// / /,***' / ,**'// / /,***' / ,**'// / / ***' / ,***'// / : ~** ` ,***'/.-~ | **' / \ .' ~-.. ..-~ -Artist Unknown ~~~~~ >TONGUE TWISTERS Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks. A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea, "Let us fly!" Said the fly, "Let us flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue. Knapsack straps. Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches? Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better. A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern, And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter back. And the bitter bittern, bitten, By the better bitten bittern, Said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, alack!" Inchworms itching. A noisy noise annoys an oyster. The myth of Miss Muffet. Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw. But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw! -<>- >STAFF DESCRIPTIONS Outgoing Personality..........Always going out of the office Good Communication Skills.......Spends lots of time on phone Average Employee..............................Not too bright Exceptionally Well Qualified......Made no major blunders yet Work is First Priority................Too ugly to get a date Active Socially.................................Drinks a lot Family is Active Socially.................Spouse drinks, too Independent Worker.............Nobody knows what he/she does Quick Thinking......................Offers plausible excuses Careful Thinker........................Won't make a decision Agressive..........................................Obnoxious Uses Logic on Difficult Jobs......Gets someone else to do it Expresses Themselves Well.....................Speaks English Meticulous Attention to Detail..................A nit picker Has Leadership Qualities.........Is tall or has a loud voice Exceptionally Good Judgement...........................Lucky Keen Sense of Humor...............Knows a lot of dirty jokes Career Minded...................................Back Stabber Loyal..........................Can't get a job anywhere else ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Pencil Head Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pencilart.html Who Is This Jesus? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html Yearly Friendship Renewal! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/renewal.html It's A Dog's World! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsworld.html Jellyfish Lake! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jellyfish.html Newborn Moose! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moose.html Parenting No-No's http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting.html Northern Lights Over Teepees http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teepees.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) YOU GOTTA TRY THIS AT LEAST ONCE!!!!! IT'S GREAT. Very safe game. http://stuff.pyzam.com/toys/tictacscare.swf --- ...TeeHee! Good one! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) Check this out http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=39089 Sure, it can do this in a empty lot, but what about when the lot is almost full??? Or if there are no spaces available??? Or if there is lots of traffic in the lot???? It sure goes SLOW!! --- ...LOL! Amazing - but I am skeptical too! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) How Great Thou Art ~Sung by a one-man barbershop quartet~ This is incredible! Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=dxCRIF0m79w&feature=related --- ...Most beautiful! Thanks PatDeE ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Listen to this. The New York Times is now reporting it's possible to catch the flu from money. They say the virus can live on a $20 bill for more than 10 days. So, not only is the virus contagious, it's also very frugal." --Jay Leno "A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don't drink at all. At least, that's what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice." -Jimmy Kimmel "It's being reported that a woman took her 5-year-old son along on a bank robbery. Apparently, she told the teller, 'Give me all your money or I'm leaving my 5-year-old.'" -Conan O'Brien "I want to host the Miss America show next year. I will only ask ridiculous questions like, 'Miss Tennessee, the hippopotamus is said to be the most dangerous animal in the world. If one got into your hair, how would you kill it?'" -Jimmy Kimmel "They found an opossum on the subway. Here's what we know about the opossum. What they do is pretend to play dead so predators will leave them alone. Well, isn't that everybody on the subway?" -David Letterman "A seventh grade teacher in California was arrested for teaching while drunk. Which is why an entire Earth Science class now thinks hurricanes are formed when rum collides with lime juice, passion fruit, and crushed ice in a hot pink souvenir cup from Senor Frog's." -Jimmy Fallon "A recent article says yoga-related injuries are on the rise. It's not surprising that yoga fans are upset with this article. After all, it's easy for them to get bent out of shape." -Craig Ferguson "A survey found that 61 percent of people are more afraid of outliving their money than dying. The other 39 percent have already outlived their money and have faked their own death to avoid creditors." -Jay Leno "A man in Colorado dropped an engagement ring down a sewer drain while proposing to his girlfriend. Up until then, his romantic proposal atop a sewer was going so well." -Jimmy Fallon "A professor of African-American studies at Harvard by the name of Cornell West has just released an album of hip-hop music. You can tell he's from Harvard because his rap name is Ph.D." - Jay Leno "My mom always said men are like linoleum floors: Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for 30 years." - Grace Under Fire "Nuclear physics is much easier than tax law. It's rational and always works the same way." - Jerold Rochwald >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************