Top 8 Morons of 2012 And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle one comes from our friends Linda, Bunni, and LouiseA. It is sure to tickle your funny bone. Give it plenty of time to load and check it out here... ."";._ _.---._ _.-"". /_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \ .' / `\ \ /` \ '. .' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'. _.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._ .-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-. / /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \ | | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ | \ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | / \ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / / `'----'` | '. | `'----'` jgs \ `/ '. , .' `-.____.' '.____.-' \ / '-' Big Baby Big Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigdogs.html --- ...I love this - so many smiles! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Bad Boys And Girls At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?" "Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard." + + + .-"-. .-:-. .-"-. / RIP \ / RIP \ / RIP \ | | | | | | \\ |// \\\ |// \\\ |// jgs ` " "" " ` ' "" " " ' """ " _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) / jgs () Forgot The Bait || || __ \\ Having arrived at the edge of the / > \\ river, the fisherman soon realized ||` .-"||". he had forgotten to bring any bait. \\/ _//. `\ Just then he happened to see a little ( (-' \ \ snake passing by who had caught a worm. \ ) | | The fisherman snatched up the snake and `" / / robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry / / for the little snake with no lunch, he | ( _ snatched him up again and poured a little \ `.-.-.'o`\ beer down his throat and went about his fishing. '.( ( ( .--' __ `"`"'` (\ .-. .-. /_") An hour or so later the \\_//^\\_//^\\_// fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. jgs `"` `"` `"` Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 24 is Festival Of Latest Novelties September 25 is National Comic Book Day September 26 is National Good Neighbor Day and National Pancake Day September 27 is Crush A Can Day September 28 is Ask A Stupid Question Day September 29 is Poisoned Blackberries Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,_-~~~-, _-~~-_ / ^-_/ \_ _-~-. | /\ , `-_/ \ | /~^\ '/ /~\ /~\ / \_ \ \_/ }/ / \ \ ,_\ } Y / /~ /~ | Y \ | / | {Q) {Q) | | \_/ | \ _===_ / | / >--{ }--< \ /~ \_._/ ~\ / * * Y * \ | * .: | :.* * | \ )--__==#==__-- / SLOBBER SMILES FOR YA \_ \ \ \ ,/ '~_ | | } ,~' \ {___/ / \ ~~~ / /\._._._./\ -Keely- 02/94 { ^^^ } ~-_______-~ / \ >Beverage Cart Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape. You must work out a lot." Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!" The next day a different young woman was driving the cart. "Watch this," I whispered. I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you must work out a lot." "Yeah," she replied. "You should try it." -<>- >Closing the Sale Salesperson trying to close the sale of a treadmill to a customer in the store: "Due to the space-age materials used in making this model, this one collects less dust than other exercise equipment." -<>- >The Green Thing In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day." That's right, they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles, and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn't have the green thing back in her day. In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks. But she's right: they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy- gobbling machine burning up 220 volts - wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right: they didn't have the green thing back in her day. Back then, they had one TV or radio in the house - not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for them. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded-up newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right: they didn't have the green thing back then. They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But they didn't have the green thing back then. Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space just to find the nearest pizza joint. But that old lady is right: they didn't have the green thing back in her day. -<>- >Taxing Cinderella The tax adviser had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?" -<>- >Wrong Connection Phoning the hospital for a follow-up X-ray appointment, I was inadvertently connected to the High Risk Pregnancy Unit instead of Radiology. They asked me my name and age. When I told them my age was 82, there was a moment of silence. And then the voice said, "Wow! That will really put us on the map!" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) >SMILES __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' * TOP 8 MORONS OF 2012 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.' 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. 4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. 5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!' 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!' 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)! 8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer! -<>- March 6, 1836: The day it all started was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up, rose from his bunk on the main floor of the Alamo, and walked up to the observation post along the west wall of the fort. William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were already there, looking out over the top of the wall. These three great men gazed at the hordes of Mexicans (General Santa Anna's army) moving towards the Alamo. With a puzzled look on his face, Crockett turned to Bowie and said, "Jim, are we, by any chance, having any landscaping done today?" -<>- A woman went shopping, at cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He couldn't control his curiosity and asked, "Do you always carry your TV remote with you ?" She replied, "No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today, so ...The shopkeeper smiles and takes back all the items that the lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper, What are you doing ?" He said, "Your husband has blocked your credit card." -<>- ______ _\ _~-\___ = = ==(____AA____D \_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._ / o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_ `~-.__ ___..----.. ) `---~~\___________/------------````` = ===(_________D -Roland A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT. THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON. THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. "I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO." --- ...TeeHee - A good chuckle! Thanks Geniann! -<>- [Political] A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me." The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama-Democrat." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are -- or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault." --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Long-time readers of Bizarre News are probably familiar with one of my favorite stories, the one about the firearms instructor who shot himself while demonstrating firearm safety to a class...on camera. Today's story is almost as good. A Lodi, California SWAT officer was shot by a 6-year-old while showing off SWAT vehicles and gear at a children's reading event. Without going into what a SWAT truck, bullet-proof body armor and assault weapons were doing at a "Reading Roundup," the fact is that the officer had his Glock 35 strapped to his hip, loaded and ready to fire, when the child walked up to him and grabbed at the weapon. "It doesn't have an external safety or anything like that," said Lt. Sierra Brucia with the department. "The gun functioned how it was supposed to. When the trigger was pulled, the gun went off." The bullet hit the officer's leg. He was taken to the hospital for a minor injury and released. Officers want to find the child and his parents to piece together what went wrong. "Hopefully, speaking to the child and the child's parents to find out how they were able to get access to the officer's gun, what the child's intent may have been--we don't know if it was accidental or unintentional." Sounds like a domestic terrorist attack to me. Clearly that 6-year-old is interested in destabilizing the community fabric by attacking local law enforcement. I wonder if they'll water board him? *-- Dog accidentally shoots owner, 78, in Fort Worth, Texas --* FORT WORTH, Texas - A Fort Worth, Texas woman, 78, was shot in the foot when her shotgun discharged after her dog walked past it and knocked it over, police said. The unidentified woman told police she was watching television in her home Saturday night with the shotgun by her side, and it fired when the dog bumped it. She sought treatment for her injured left foot the following morning, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Monday. "The victim advised it was an accident and the dog was not to blame," said officer Sharron Neal, a police spokeswoman. Police did not identify the breed of the dog. "He has the right to remain silent," Neal said. *-- Beavers' secretions can create taste similar to vanilla in baked goods --* STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Anal secretions from beavers can be used in baked goods to create a taste that resembles vanilla, The Swedish National Food Agency said. The agency confirmed the use of the anal passages after rumors about the beaver's secretions circulated on the Internet, The Local.se reported. "Natural aromas can be extracts from plants, fungi, and in some cases animals." Ulla Beckman Sundh, an agency representative reported. But she said the beaver will likely not become a common source of vanilla, as the supply is limited because the beaver is not bred. Beavers were wiped out in Sweden in the 19th century, but the population has grown to 100,000 after the animal was imported, The Local.se said. *-- Fla. man accused of trying to exorcise 80-year-old girlfriend --* HOLIDAY, Fla. - A Florida man was arrested after allegedly trying to perform an exorcism on his 80-year-old girl- friend, police said. The alleged exorcism started Monday when David Edward Benes, 54, of Holiday, and his girlfriend of three years, whose name was not reported, got into an argument, the Orlando (Fla.) Times reported. A Pasco Sheriff's report states that at some point during the argument, Benes grabbed the 80-year-old woman, held her down, and said he was going to "exorcise her and get the devil out of her." When authorities arrived at the scene, Benes' girlfriend was found sitting outside the couple's home, crying. Benes was inside the home, intoxicated, and did not remember what had just happened, the sheriff's report said. Benes was arrested Tuesday and charged with domestic battery on a person 65 or older, tampering with a witness and false imprisonment. *-- Oregon girl told she's 'too big' to shop in store --* EUGENE, Ore. - An Oregon girl was told by an employee of Rue 21, a youth clothing retailer, she was "too big" to shop in one of their stores, her family said. Shelby Buster and a friend went to a mall in Eugene, Ore., to spend Buster's birthday money. She said it was the first time she'd gone shopping without her mother, who stayed in the food court while the girls shopped. After Buster's friend entered the store, she followed but was stopped by an employee who told her she had to leave, she said. "I walked in and the lady at the front counter said, 'Hey you're too big to be in this store, I need you to leave,'" Buster said. She and her friend went and got Buster's mother, who returned to the store with the girls, and asked to speak with a manager, KEZI-TV, Eugene, reported Sunday. "[We] walked back and my mom came back to talk to them and they're like 'oh we're so sorry,'" Buster said. The family told KEZI they've contacted corporate headquarters for Rue 21 about the incident but have yet to hear back. A store manager said they're reviewing security footage to determine what happened. The chain told the TV station it doesn't tolerate discrimination of any kind. "Seriously that's disrespectful and rude. Just because I'm bigger than you guys are, I'm not a 14 or smaller. It makes no sense why they would do that," Buster said. *-- Wisconsin man combines all 43 McDonald's sandwiches --* WAUWATOSA, Wis. - A Wisconsin blogger said it cost him $140.33 to purchase one of each sandwich offered by McDonald's and then assemble them into "the McEverything." Nick Chipman, a blogger for DudeFoods.com, said he went to the McDonald's in Wauwatosa, Wis., a half hour before the end of breakfast so he would be able to order all 43 sandwiches made by the fast food chain. He used bamboo skewers to stack them into a creation he dubbed "the McEverything." Chipman said his entire bill came to $141.33, because he also ordered a Diet Coke. "Aside from keeping the McEverything from toppling over as I was assembling it, I'd say that the hardest part of building it was not eating any of the sandwiches until it was complete. I'm a total sucker for McDonald's sandwiches, especially their McGriddles," Chipman wrote. Chipman said he, unsurprisingly, was not able to eat the McEverything in one sitting. "With all the leftovers I have, I've got all my breakfasts, lunches and dinners covered for the next week or so!" he wrote. ========================================================= >-->From our Friend louiseA :) >SMILES _ /) mo / ) |/)\) /\_ \__|= ( ) __)(__ _____/ \\_____ | _ ___ _ || | | \ | | \ || | | | | | | || | |_/ | |_/ || | | \ | | || | | \ | | || | | \. _|_. | . || | || | name goes here || | || * | * ** * ** |** ** \))ejm97/.,(//,,..,,\||(,,.,\\,.((// One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing, staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good morning son." "Good morning, pastor." replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked. "Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one. sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?" --------------- A blonde, holding a baby, walks into a drugstore and asks if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the storekeeper. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, then weigh the mother alone and subtract the mother's weight." "Oh, that won't work," says the blonde. "Why not?" asks the man. "Well," she says, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt." ------------------- Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies * It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting. * A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. * If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. * Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. * It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. * When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. ----------- A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought God had given him two feet. Without hesitation, the son replied, "That's easy, one for the clutch and one for the accelerator." ------------ Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, "I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real rough." "Well," she asked, "how long did you cook it?" "You're supposed to cook it?" he said. ----------- A widow and widower married and on the first night he reached over, took her hand and they fell asleep. The second night he reached over and took her hand, again they fell asleep. The third night he reached for her hand and she said, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache." ---------- An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked exactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast. That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee. ---------- A bloke goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medication the man stammers, "Heck Doc, what's my problem?" The Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water." --------- A lawyer phoned the governor's mansion shortly after midnight. "I need to talk to the governor. It's an emergency!" exclaimed the lawyer. After some cajoling, the governor's assistant agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it that's so important that it can't wait until morning?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Jones just died, and I want to take his place," begged the attorney. "Well, it's okay with me if it's okay with the funeral home," replied the governor. --------- ,"=-. / _),`'". ( /a( ), ) ) C = = ?/ ( )) (_ o-< ) ( `-' \; ( \_ ( | \ ) )| \_/} \ \ \(_;/-|_) )/) `._,--/ / / `!__!! ( (_o)) ---`-._, )--- ------( / |---- | ( | :__/|\_; \ |/ )(\_ /_)--` gpyy \_! MOTHERS! BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you-quit playing ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week," MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?" NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it." CUSTER'S MOTHER: "Now, George, remember what I told you-don't go biting off more than you can chew!" ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something.?" THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed." ------------ .---. .'_..._'. .''_ _''. .' : ' : '. .'_.-'_~_'-._'. .'( ' )'. .' \ \ / / '. .' \ \ / / '. ____________'''` '```____________ / .''. \ / ( ` ) \ / .'..'. \ / '----' \ /_________________________________________\ \ /'--' '--'\ / || || || || _||_ _||_ '--' '--' smd You know it will be a bad day when... ... the gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money. ... your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents. ... you have to borrow from Visa to pay off Mastercard. ... you realize that you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant. ... your horn sticks on the freeway behind a convoy of trucks and a pack of Hell's Angels. ... the worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money. ... your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. ... you turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city. ... your twin sister forgets your birthday. ... your 4-year-old says, "Y'know, it's almost impossible o flush a grapefruit down the toilet." ... you discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H. ... you have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning. ... you start to pick up the clothes you wore home from the office party last night ... and there aren't any. ... it costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it. ... you wake up to the soothing sound of running water. And remember that you just bought a waterbed. ... you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. ... everyone at the office avoids you the morning after the company office party. ... the bird singing outside your window is a vulture. ... you wake up and your braces are stuck together. ... your answering service tells you it's none of your business. ... your blind date turns out to be your ex. ... your tax refund check bounces. --- ...Oh No! LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ==================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ___________ @ @ / (@\ @ \___________/ _@ @ _/@ \_____ @/ \__/-="="` \_ / <| <| jgs <| A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack between the open doors and the floor. I felt terrible for her. Or I did until she cried, "Oh no! Not again!" -<>- Heading down the interstate, our car passed through a huge swarm of gnats so dense that their bodies made popping noises as they hit the windshield. "I can't get over how loud they are," my wife said. "Well, we are hitting them at 65 miles an hour," I pointed out. Her reply left me speechless. "There's no way bugs can fly that fast!" -<>- My wife, a real estate agent, wrote an ad for a house she was listing. The house had a second-floor suite that could be accessed using a lift chair that slid along the stair- case. Quickly describing this feature, she inadvertently made it sound even more attractive: "Mother-in-law suite comes with an electric chair." -<>- A man went into the pet shop, "I am playing Long John Silver in the local amateur dramatic societies version of Treasure Island and need a parrot to sit on my shoulder," he said. "I don't have any parrots at the moment, but you wouldn't want a real parrot for that. It would squawk in all the wrong places, poop on your shoulder and generally be a nuisance. What you need is a stuffed parrot. Just as realistic and easily controlled." "I'm not sure a stuffed parrot would be okay," said the customer. "I do want this performance to be as realistic as possible." "I am sure a stuffed parrot would be fine," said the pet shop owner. "I have one at home. I'll bring it in and if you come back on Thursday you can have it." "Sorry," said the customer, "I can't make it on Thursday. That's the day I'm having my leg cut off." -<>- As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury selection process. First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the 40 names are placed into a drum, and a dozen names are pulled. During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 1 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror. "There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 12 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything." Both were excused. -<>- Woman: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids." Man: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person." [A period of silence -- the woman looks down at her food.] Man: "What's wrong?" Woman: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXFEDERAL RESERVE NOTEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX XX THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA XXX XX XXXX XX ------- ------------ XXXX XX XXXX XX / jJ===-\ \ C7675 XXXX XX XXXXXX OOO / jJ - - L \ --- XXXXXX XXXXX OOOOO | JJ | X | __ XXXXX XXX 3 OOO | JJ --- X | OOOO 3 XXX XXX | J|\ /| | OOOOOO XXX XXX C36799887 | / | | \ | OOOO XXX XXX | | | | -- XXX XXX ------- \ / \ / XXX X XX \ ____________ / X XX XX XXX 3_________ -------- ___ _______ 3 XXX XX XX XXX ___ ONE DOLLAR i XXX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX -Songsinger- >Financial Terms * Accept this special invitation - pay money * Bear - What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you. * Bond - What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com. * Brokee - Someone who buys stocks on the advice of a broker. * Broker - The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell broke. * Build relationships - get money from * Bull - What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter. * Commission - The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one. * Convenience fee - interest charge * Invest - gamble * Margin - Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation. * Multilevel business partners - Suckers * Stock - A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50. * Stock-market correction - crash * Yak - What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call. -<>- | | | | | | | | RUBBER foot on a | | stick ,-""; :""-. |`--...--'J | J | J | J | | F | F \J F 7 J ;:. / . ::::... J : ""::::... F ` ":::"-..___ J ___.....____ Krogg `"F -----------""----"" """----"""---'------- >TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD 1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Sweets For The Sweet! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sugar.html Playing With Food 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html Fun With Nature! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html Whale Rescue 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html Deer Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerrescue.html Humor In Religion 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html Parenting No-No's 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting2.html Beaches In S.Korea! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beaches2.html Boys To Pres.! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html Morons At Work! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html Life's Little Oops 10! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops10.html Germany's Water Bridge! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wbridge.html -<>- >From our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Beautiful Starfish http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/starfish.html --- ...Love this! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Actual Bank Robbery In Detroit Absolutely Priceless http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhYcsoZ4jJg --- ...Oh My Goodness! LOL! Thanks PatDeE -<>- >From Our Friend Richard :) Baby vs Talking Cat http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQuaDEUvXyQ --- ...LOL! Too Cute! Thanks Richard! -<>- >From our Friend Johanna :) Who's That With Hanoi Jane? http://tinyurl.com/c4x3w5f >From Our Friend Melody :) 10 RARE "LOST" CLASSIC '60s TV THEMES http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqx-D0440pA&feature=related The Shelf Life of Pantry Foods http://tinyurl.com/lbt9wa8 --- ...Great! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A message in a bottle was found in Russia, 24 years after it was written. Unfortunately, the note said, 'Help! Stranded with enough food for exactly 23 years.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A Minnesota man was arrested for stealing up to $25,000 worth of laundry detergent. Would that be a white-collar crime? Luckily, he made a clean getaway." -Jay Leno "For the first time ever, scientists have created artificial life. The hope is that it can revolutionize healthcare, generate clean energy, become super-intelligent, take over the world, make us all its slaves, etc." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study found that students who use Facebook while studying have 20 percent lower grades than students who focus. When kids who use Facebook heard that they were like, '20 percent? Big deal. What's that, like 10 percent?'" -Jimmy Fallon "Studies show American students are becoming less proficient in math. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put 2 and 2 together." -Jay Leno "English farmers are feeding their cattle healthier food to reduce the amount of gas they produce. Farmers also say they won't fall for the old 'pull my hoof' trick." -Conan O'Brien "A man in Thailand was arrested with more than 10,000 pairs of stolen underwear. Legal experts are expecting a brief trial." -Jimmy Fallon "The agriculture department says we now have the smallest cattle population in 60 years. That shows you how fat we're getting. We're close to putting cows on the endangered species list." -Jay Leno "I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something." - Jackie Mason "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." - George Carlin >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************