Tough Truths & More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ ( () |\ - _ _ <==|=@ _ >>>---> (o) [\ |/ - /|\ ||`( / | \ LL *~* WE NEED MORE 2009 CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2009 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) !|| !|||| ,/|||| !|'''| `\ | )\ \ ejm / \ \ \ We have an update from our friend PatW for those who have been keeping her in your prayers, she writes: 'Thought you might be interested in my update following my appontment Friday morning with the orthopedic surgeon: I really liked the doctor. He brought up my xrays and showed me what was going on with both knees. The left does have arthritis, too, but is slower in progressing. He pointed out where the right knee was indeed bone on bone and thus the pain. However, the good news is surgery does not have to happen immediately. He asked me several questions RE health issues, medications, etc. and he checked the knee itself and hit the spot where the bone on bone is and it did hurt! I am on pain meds which I try to use sparingly, and that's ok. He said most of his patients, like me, are women who live alone and have stairs to deal with! The good news is that yes, I will have to be hospitalized for about 3 days following the surgery. They will immediately have a physical therapist help me practice stairs and within 3 days, he said, with total knee replacement, I should be able to take the stairs slowly...which I'm doing anyway. Plus something I didn't realize, is they send nurses to the home as well as therapists for further rehabilitation. WOW! I am becoming more and more impressed with Kaiser, my HMO. !He is booked solid until October or November, but I am now on his waiting list. One of his nurses will call me the latter part of October to schedule the surgery, unless I want to postpone for whatever reason. This should give me ample time to prepare and know what's coming. I could still use the prayer support especailly with my being prone to anxiety...and needless worry! Hopefully, though, I've learned my lesson. - Peace and Blessings, Pat --- ...Awww, I've been wondering about you and just said a prayer again this morning for you Pat. So it is great to hear from you. I am also relieved that God is handling this for you with your doctor and nurses so you are comfortable with it. We are so blessed in this country to have such good health providers! Which of course, I credit again to God making them available to us! Once we have God in on it, then all goes smoothly and we can take his hand knowing he is fully taking care of us! -<>- >Hot off the 'Shangy' Press! This one is smokin' Hot and comes to us from a forward from our friend Viv. It was so sweet and went perfect with a recent amazing discovery! Check it out here: ,--. _/ <`-' ,-.' \--\_ ((`-.__\ ) \`' @ (_ ( (_) ,'`-._(`-._/ ,-' )&&) )) ,-' /&&&%-' ,' __ ,- {&&&&/ / ,' \| |\&&'\ ( | |' \ `--. (%--'\ ,--.\ `-.`-._))) `---'`-/__)))`-._))) hjw Rarely Seen Babies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyanimals.html --- ...So cute! Thank You Viv! -<>- __ ( ( ) ) _ / / ___ /:;-/_ ( ( \ ___ __/::::;;;-. ) ) \ / _ \/ _\`".:::::/\/ / ) ) (_( \/ / \__ `";/ /\/ ( ( (_(_) /`_>-~-\/ /\ \_\ \/)'O_O`\/ / /-.(_),-\/ ( .:_|_:. ) /`--'U,-.'\_ ,'\,-. (_,,),:| ___ ,'__(,,_)___,:::| / _ \ |||||||||||||:::| / / \ \|||||||||||||:::| __ ( ( \ |||||||||||||:::| ( (\ )_) \|||||||||||||::;'__) )\ hjw |||||||||||||;'_____/\/ """"( ("""""" ) ) (_( >What An Amazing Month Of July We Had! Be sure to check out and Pass On All Our New Pages from July! Gibraltar Airport! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/airroad.html Patriot Fire/Rescue! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/patriot.html Car Show 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carshow2.html Liberty Air Show! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html Boeing 727 Suite! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/727suite.html Life's Little Oops! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops.html Got A Nanosecond? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano.html Albino Bears! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albinobear.html God's Stickers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gbumper.html Eagle Sculpture Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagleart.html Mexican Lion! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lion.html Koalas Heatwave 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/koalas2.html Origami Dollar Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dollarart.html Texas Rules Of Ettiquette! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html *~* HUGGUMS To ALL OUR Sweet Contributors! You Are A Blessing! ================================================================= >-->From the FunnyBone: Woo Woo Woo There were two Indians and a Polish ___..-. fellow walking along together in ._/ __ \_`-.__ the desert, when all of a sudden / .'/##\_ `-. \--. one of the Indians took off and .-_/#####\ /-' `\_ ran up this hill to the mouth of /###@@###\_ \._ `- a cave. He stopped and hollered jgs _|###########\_`. -' \ into the cave... " "'"''"'"'''" ''"'"''" "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" ...and then listened very closely until he heard the answer... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave. The Polish fellow was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about, was that Indian goofy or something. "No," said the other Indian. "It is mating time for us Indians and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you. Well, just about that time the other Indian saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" ...off came the clothes and into the cave he goes. The Polock started running around the desert looking for a cave to find these women that the Indians had talked about. All of a sudden he looked up and saw this great big cave. As he looked in amazement he was thinking, Man! Look at the size of that cave! It's bigger than the ones that those Indians found. There must really be something really great in this cave! Well, he took-off up the hill at a super fast speed with his hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and hollered... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of... "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave. The next day in the newspaper the head lines read....... NAKED POLACK RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN!!! ================================================================== +---------------- Bizarre August Holidays -----------------+ August 1 is Friendship and National Raspberry Cream Pie Day August 2 is National Ice Cream Sandwich Day August 3 is National Watermelon Day August 4 is Twins Day Festival August 5 is National Mustard Day August 6 is Wiggle Your Toes Day August 7 is Sea Serpent Day August 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night August 9 is National Polka Festival August 10 is Lazy Day ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) __ .--._,' `\ (__.' '-, / /_ _ \ __|e)e) | .'_ ; ,`) | (_) | /_.----._.' / \_/\___/ ,d8` \ / .-\\,oo8P` ; | / |;"` | | | || , _ /`'. \ './/'\. .' /.--;'-. | '--'.-._;' .' .-' /'-;` \ (((. .-'\ (((_.' \ ) jgs '._).'`--' `-` >Ramblings of a Retired Mind I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans! I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.' I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'. I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers! When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!' that would mean I’m tired of cleaning house. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'! I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.. "Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life" Because: "Life is a journey to be savored." --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Viv! =========================================================== >-->From Our Firend Sandi :) () /\ ()--' '--() `. .' / .. \ jgs ()' '() Sheriff Joe's policies should be implemented in every prison in the U.S. ANDDDD....... CANADA!!!! The last paragraph says it all!!!! >SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN! You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well......... SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN! Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe ! Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs.. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay. The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows. The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78. The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals. I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand. He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the Prison. Yup, he was re-elected last year with 83% of the vote. Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's kind of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff. TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY: Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ), who created the 'Tent City Jail': He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights. Cut off all but 'G' rated movies. He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination. He took away cable TV until he found out there was a Federal Court Order that required cable TV for jails so he hooked up the cable TV again; only let in the Disney Channel and the Weather Channel. When asked why the Weather Channel he replied, 'So they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my Chain Gangs.' He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value. When the inmates complained, he told them 'This isn't the Ritz/Carlton......if you don't like it, don't come back!' More On The Arizona Sheriff: With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts. On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before. Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their PINK SOCKS. 'It feels like we are in a furnace', said James Zanzot , an inmate who has lived in the TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.' Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: 'It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your mouths!' Way to go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves. If you agree, pass this on. If not, just delete it. --- ...He sure is cool! Glad to hear he is still at it! Thanks Sandi! =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News ... ANOTHER Great Example of how the Government takes Care of things: >From BizarreNews: Greetings fellow Bizarros: \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz How is this for a bad day? 27-year-old Chris Parks of Seattle had just flown back to the United States from a vacation in Mexico with friends. He was going through customs in an air- port in North Carolina when his name caught the attention of Homeland Security personnel. Before he knew it Parks was arrested and tossed into the county jail in Charlotte and locked up for one week. When told he was a fugitive, he was floored. His crime? He was a deserter from the military. The only problem is Parks was never in the military. "I've been in the Army for 10 years, and didn't even know it," he says. "Just seems kind of odd." No one believed him. Parks was ordered to report to Fort Knox in Kentucky - where he sat and waited and waited some more with actual military deserters. His head was shaved, he was issued fatigues. He was afraid he would be court-martialed. "I was at Fort Knox for one week - and I almost didn't get out," says Parks. Parks says when he was 18, he nearly joined the Army. But at the last minute, he backed out. Apparently, that message never got through military's system. Despite the army's paperwork showing that Parks went through basic training in South Carolina, then went AWOL from a base in Georgia, he insists that never happened, and wonders if his military recruiter from 10 years ago hung him out to dry by never processing his paperwork. Parks says he now carries documents to prove to authorities he's not a deserter. -Bizarrely, Lewis -<>- _..--.._ _..--. _..--.. ,' ,'`. ,','.--.\ ,' \ `.`. / / / /| : : / _ \: |\ \ \ \ / : : /`. | |:| ,'' _``. \ | ,;, . `:\ _: | `,/_\. :`/;' , .:\ ) `'/' _ \ \:\( _|__`>_/`' /(:/ / .\` /: .' ,`.._|_\\' ( _=`;._//_|_..'` \\ :: / '| (__=`, :`||| `,.__) \ : | \ \`.\\__\;|| //`|/ : | | `.._____.-,`'| \\___||// /`-._ | : | : ,<''_\\,.|//_`>. :`._ ;: \ ; ; )`-..______..-'( :\ `-.__.' / ; / /|: : | `.._____.': : _.' / || | | `. : : _.-' / :: ; : `-.____; \; ,' ( \ / )\ / ,' ,'____,' ,`-,.______..-') (__\ _`. (___..'>_>____`.`.'._)_\_>._)-' ,'___`._________) SSt -- English caves seek resident witch ------------ WELLS, England - Officials with western England's Wookey Hole Caves said more than 2,000 people have applied to become the attraction's new resident witch. Organizers of the search to find a resident witch for the Wells, England, caves said the performer will earn $82,000 per year portray- ing a legendary witch said to have lived in the caves during the Dark Ages, CNN reported Tuesday. Local legend states the witch lived with goats in the cave until she was turned to stone by a splash of holy water from an abbot. Some proponents of the legend say the frozen figure of the witch can be seen in the cave's rock formations. The witch was alleged to have caused diseases, soured milk and cursed crops. The organizers said the applicants will each have one minu to convince a panel of judges that they have the best cackle and can make good use of their witch props. They said men, women and transgendered people are equally welcome to audition. -- Burglars pick wrong place to sleep it off --------- SWANSEA, Wales - After stealing about $1,154 in liquor, two burglars decided to celebrate and got so drunk they fell asleep instead of escaping, police in Swansea, Wales, said. Burglars Keith Cullen and Paul Wiggins stacked up the stolen booze outside the store and then went in to have a drink. Police found them asleep in the store the next morning, The Sun newspaper reported. A Swansea prosecutor said closed circuit television recorded the entire theft of the Kuehne Nagle Drinks Logistics depot. Police said Cullen turned up for his hearing at Swansea magistrates' court so drunk he was prohibited from enter- ing the building. Wiggins disappeared from the court. Neither returned so both were tried in absentia. Cullen, 33, and Wiggins, 45, were convicted of burglary and theft and will be sentenced later this week. -- Woman in wheelchair fights purse snatcher --------- LONGVIEW, Wash. - A Washington state woman said a would- be purse snatcher ran off after she rammed him with her electric wheelchair. Luva Rhodes, who suffers from congest- ive heart failure, said she was sitting in her wheelchair outside her residential care facility in Longview when a man who appeared to be 18 or 19 years old walked around a corner and tried to grab her purse, KPTV, Portland, Ore., reported Tuesday. Rhodes said the man was unable to free the handle of the purse from where it had been wrapped around her chair and she rammed the attacker to make him give up his pursuit of her valuables. "(I) rammed him with my wheelchair a couple of times and he took off runn- ing," Rhodes said. "He ran like a little girl. "It's pretty sick to do it to anybody, but to a person like me? He just thought he could overpower me, but nope, I wasn't going to let him." -- Man wins $1,001,000 from 2 scratch tickets -------- FALL RIVER, Mass. - A Massachusetts man won $1,000 and $1 million dollars from two scratch-off lottery tickets on the same day. Phillip Brunelle, 29, of Fall River, said he was so excited about winning $1,000 on a scratch- off ticket at a convenience store that he decided to return to the store later to buy another $5 Money Mania ticket, WCVB-TV, Boston, reported Monday. "I already won $1,000, so I don't know why I went back down. I guess I'm greedy," Brunelle said. He said he used his "lucky penny" to uncover the $1 million prize on the second ticket, which the Massachusetts State Lottery said players have a 1 in 3 million chance of winning. Brunelle, a photo- grapher, said he plans to use his money to open new studios and help out his mother, who suffers from cerebral palsy. "I'm going to try to help her out, get her a new car or newer car, so she does not have to depend on every- one else to do everything for her," he said. "Without her, I wouldn't be here." ======================================================= >-->From The Jokester: / , /\ \|/ /\ |\\_;=._//| \." "./ //^\ /^\\ .'``",/ |0| |0| \,"``'. / , `'\.---./'` , \ /` /`\,."( )".,/`\ `\ /` ( '.'-.-'.' ) `\ /"` "._ : _." `"\ `/.'`"=.,_``=``_,.="`'.\` jgs ) ( >Tough Truths - Life is transmitted. - Good health is merely the slowest possiblle rate at which one can die. - Men have two emotions: If you don't see hhim excited, make him a sandwich! - Give a person a fish and you feed them foor a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. - Some people are like Slinkies. Not reallly good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. - Health nuts are going to feel stupid sommeday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing.. - All of us could take a lesson from the wweather. It pays no attention to criticism. - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? - In the 60's, people took acid to make thhe world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. - Politics is supposed to be the second olddest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. - Many terrorists come to America legally and hang around on expired Visas (some for as long as 10-15 years). At Blockbuster you're two days late with a video rental and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of US Immigration - We know exactly where one cow with mad-ccow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Homeland Security. -<>- Morris and his wife are seated in a fancy French restaurant for dinner. After the waiter arrives, the man says, "I'll have your biggest, thickest Porterhouse steak....medium rare.” .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' The waiter replies, "Monsieur, what about ze mad cow?" The man replies, "She'll have a salad." -<>- ____ . . / ._ \ |\_,--._/| / / \OOO \_/..\_/ *MOOOW* | | _OOO_ )oo( | | / | | \ \\// | | | | ||__________ / / +-30 | | \`. / / | | \ ) ) \ / / +-20 | ||`---( || /|\ / / | | || OO||----' / +-10 | || '.||-----' / \ /__\ /__\ \._____./ drx + Shyny >Warning Signs of Insanity - You write to your mother in Germany everyy week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write. - You're always having to apologize to yourr next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations. - Nobody listens to you anymore, because thhey can't understand you through that scuba mask. - You begin to stop and consider all of thee blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge. - You have meaningful conversations with yoour toaster. - You collect dead windowsill flies. - Every time the phone rings, you shout, "HHey! An angel just got its wings!" - You like cats. Especially with mayo. - You cry at the end of every episode of Giilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued. - You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch. - Whenever you listen to the radio, the mussic sounds backwards. - You have a predominant fear of fabric sofftener. - You wake up each morning and find yoursellf sitting on your head in the middle of your front lawn. - Your dentist asks you why each individuall tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons. - Melba toast excites you. - When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears." - You tend to agree with everything your moother's dead uncle tells you. - You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes. - Your main goal in life is to become the ppresident of Bulimia. - Nearly everything you say involves the woord, "P-toing!" - You argue with yourself about which is beetter, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease. - You like to sit in cornfields for prolongged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk. - You think that exploding wouldn't be so bbad, once you got used to it. - People offer you help, but you unfortunattely interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry. ======================================================= >-->From Laugh&Lift: "No other organization on the face of the earth is charged with the high calling to which the church is summoned: to confront men with Jesus Christ." - J. W. Hyde >Friendship Truths Are you tired of those Sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, let's try this my way...just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. ^..^ <( )> \ / /(oo)\ // / -- \ oo) //| __ |\\ //U\ H (/oo\) H (/ H |\oo/| -=/ \=- \ /\ / ( _ ) U U | | H H _l l_ ~ ~ apx Cow & Chicken 1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew! 2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 4. When you're scared, we will high tail it out of here. 5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!! 6. When you are confused, I will use little words. 7. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again...I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall, I'll pick you up and dust you off--After I laugh my head off! 9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask...because you are my FRIEND! SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ** Signs the U.S. Economy is in a Recession ** 13> Your boss has been spotted walking through the office muttering "eennie, meenie, minie, mo..." 12> The markets have been so bearish they're now looking for unattended pick-a-nic baskets. 11> To jumpstart the NYC economy, Mayor Giuliani orders the return of "Cats" to Broadway. 10> "Who Wants Regis Philbin's Loose Change?" 9> Stale, 30-year-old hard candy in the bowl at Grandma's now 25 cents apiece. 8> Several self-employed people forced to lay themselves off. 7> Soccer moms actually take *two* kids to practice at once in the Excursion. 6> Amazon.com downgrades its name to SissyGirl.com. 5> Daily dilemma: Spend the 49 cents to supersize or to buy 49 shares of Cisco. 4> Gang members seen picking up shell cases for re-use after every drive-by. 3> Top5 lists getting progressively less funny as volunteer writers have to actually worry about keeping their day jobs. 2> You don't seriously believe Jordan came out of retirement just for the love of the game, do you? and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign the U.S. Economy is in a Recession... 1> When E.F. Hutton speaks, you reply, "Yes, I would like fries with that." [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ] +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ /) (\ .-._((,~~.))_.-, `-. @@ ,-' / ,n--n. \ (`'\ ( ( .__. ) ) /`') `.'"._ ) `----' (_,"`.' "._ _," / \ hjw ( ) `97 (`-.__ __.-') \ /`--'\ / ) / \ ( /._\ /_,\ ** ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM SHOPPING ** * Get it now. Tomorrow it might be gone. * If it's on sale, you need it. * Never ask your mother her opinion. * You can always take it back. * You'll grow into it. * By the time you need it, you'll lose ten pounds. * Never believe anyone who says, "It's really you. If they're working on commission, they're lying. * Know when to yell "Charge" * So many malls, so little time. * If you put it on your credit card, it's not really spending money. * Always try to spend someone else's money first. * There no such thing as compulsive shopping, just enthusiastic shopping. * Shopping is patriotic. It's good for the economy. * If you've still got checks, there must be money in the account. * You can always get more credit. * If you want it, you deserve it. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** Just To Inspire You ** *** The Stunt Man *** _ _ _ _ _ /^\ /:\ /%\ /8\ /#\ /___\ /:::\ /%%%\ /888\ /###\ [_____]:::::]%%%%%]88888]#####] |_____|_____|_____|_____|_____| |=====|=====|=====|=====|=====| | _ | _ | _ | _ | _ | | / \ | / \| / \ | / \ |/ \ | || || | || ||| || | | || || | || ||| || | | || || | || ||| || | | | \_/ | \_/| \_/ | \_/ |\_/ | |_____|_____|_____|_____|_____| jgs |=====|=====|=====|=====|=====| | |:::::|%%%%%|88888|#####| '-----'-----'-----'-----'-----' In an interview, actor Kevin Bacon shared a conversation he had with his six-year-old son after he had seen the movie Footloose for the first time. The boy said, "Dad, that was really cool how you jumped up on the roof and swung from the rafters. How did you do that?" "Well, son, I didn't actually do that part," said Bacon. "A stunt man did." "What's a stunt man?" asked his son. "That's someone who dresses like me and does things I can't do. Things that are too dangerous." "Oh. Well, what about that part in the movie where you spin around on that gym bar and land on your feet," persisted the boy. "How did you do that?" "Well, son, that was the stunt man again, not me. He's really good at gymnastics." "Oh." A long pause. "Dad, just what DID you do in the movie?" Bacon sheepishly replied, "I got all the glory." Jesus stood in for us so that we could have eternal life and share in God's glory. He was nailed to the cross in our place, to pay for our sins, because he was the only one who could do it and emerge victorious. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** Well Fixed ** _____ .-,;='';_),-. \_\(),()/_/ (,___,) Oops! ,-/`~`\-,___ / /).:.('--._) {_[ (_,_) | Y | snd / | \ """ """ Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river. The following Sunday his widow, all dressed in black, was standing on the church steps after the funeral, receiving condolences, when an old friend of the contractor came up. "I'm sorry, Mary, for your loss," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?" "Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars." "Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write." "Nor swim either," added the widow. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** How To Get A Man To Do Something ** ( ) ~(^^^^)~ ) @@ \~_ |\ / | \ \~ / ( 0 0 ) \ | | Hey ---___/~ \ | | Hiya /'__/ | ~-_____/ | Doin? o _ ~----~ ___---~ O // | | ((~\ _| -| Oops! I mean MOOOOOOO o O //-_ \/ | ~ | ^ \_ / ~ | | ~ | | / ~ | | ( | \ \ /\ / -_____-\ \ ~~-* | / \ \ .==. / / / / | | /~ | //~ | |__| W< ~~~~ ~~~~ Always remember these important rules when asking a man to do something: 1. Make sure the man is conscious. 2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section. 3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three hours, max. 4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn't have a peel-back cover. 5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes. 6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd better" or "do as I say and no one will get hurt." ++++++++++++++++++++++ \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz ** It Was The Veteran ** ** It is the soldier and the sailor, not the reporter, Who has given us freedom of the press. ** It is the soldier and the sailor, not the poet, Who has given us freedom of speech. ** It is the soldier and the sailor, not the campus organizer, Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. ** It is the soldier and the sailor, Who salutes the flag, Who serves beneath the flag, Whose coffin is draped by the flag, Who allows the protester to burn the flag. -- By Father Denis Edward O'Brien, USMC" ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** An Oldie for Sure ** Andy Says.. When I was just beginning my preaching ministry, I was working in a paper mill in Wisconsin. This piece of humor was told to me in by those who loved to heckle christians who were tee totalers (those who didn't drink nor believe in drinking alcoholic beverages). I am one of these. If you are not, that's Ok too as we each live by our convictions from The Lord. *** And Now On To That Piece Of Humor *** A preacher was completing a temperance sermon with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in he world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The head elder then stood and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn 365, "Shall We Gather at the River." ++++++++++++++++++ ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw ** Senior Citizen Moments ** ** My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. ** Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'till the thought goes away. ** I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart. ** The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does. ** Sometimes I think I understand everything, them I regain consciousness. ** Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. ++++++++++++++++++++ /) (\ .~._((,==.))_.~, `~. OO ,~' / ,o~~o. \ { { .__. } } ) `~~~\' ( /`-._ _\.-\ / ) \ ,-X # X-. hjw / \ / \ `97 ( )| | | |( ) \ / | | | | \ / \_(.-( )--( )-.)_/ /_,\ ) / \ ( /._\ /_,\ /._\ ** Biblical Bloopers From Kids In Sunday School ** (No Dis Intended) * When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus and the manager. * Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. * Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone." * It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. * St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. * A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony. * A Republican is a sinner mentioned in the Bible. * It is sometimes difficult to hear what is being said in church because the agnostics are so terrible. *** ed. As Art Linkletter once proved, the words of our children are often the best mirror for reflecting our homes. ================================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: ____________________________________________________________________ TRP| | |DBL| | | |TRP| | | |DBL| | |TRP| WRD|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|WRD|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|WRD| |DBL| | | |TRP| | | |TRP| | | |DBL| | ____|WRD|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|WRD|___| | |DBL| | | |DBL| |DBL| | | |DBL| | | ____|___|WRD|___|___|___|LTR|___|LTR|___|___|___|WRD|___|___| DBL| | |DBL| | | |DBL| | | |DBL| | |DBL| LTR|___|___|WRD|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|WRD|___|___|LTR| | | | |DBL| | | | | |DBL| | | | | ____|___|___|___|WRD|___|___|___|___|___|WRD|___|___|___|___| |TRP| | | |TRP| | | |TRP| | | |TRP| | ____|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___| | |DBL| | | |DBL| |DBL| | | |DBL| | | ____|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|___| TRP| | |DBL| | | |***| | | |DBL| | |TRP| WRD|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|***|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|WRD| | |DBL| | | |DBL| |DBL| | | |DBL| | | ____|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|___| |TRP| | | |TRP| | | |TRP| | | |TRP| | ____|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___| | | | |DBL| | | | | |DBL| | | | | ____|___|___|___|WRD|___|___|___|___|___|WRD|___|___|___|___| DBL| | |DBL| | | |DBL| | | |DBL| | |DBL| LTR|___|___|WRD|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|WRD|___|___|LTR| | |DBL| | | |DBL| |DBL| | | |DBL| | | ____|___|WRD|___|___|___|LTR|___|LTR|___|___|___|WRD|___|___| |DBL| | | |TRP| | | |TRP| | | |DBL| | ____|WRD|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|WRD|___| TRP| | |DBL| | | |TRP| | | |DBL| | |TRP| WRD|___|___|LTR|___|___|___|WRS|___|___|___|LTR|___|___|WRD| Sue Teves Bible Bafflement My friend opened a ministry, using a snippet from the Bible as the name. But he soon regretted his decision to order office supplies over the phone. When his stationery arrived, it bore the letterhead "That Nun Should Perish." - from Tom Harrison (via Reader's Digest) -<>- __.----.___ || || (\(__)/)-'|| ;--` || _||____________||___`(QQ)'___||______;____||_ -||------------||----) (----||-----------||- _||____________||___(o o)___||______;____||_ -||------------||----`--'----||-----------||- || || `|| ||| || || ||jgs ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >I AM WHAT I AM "By the grace of God I am what I am, and (God's) grace to me was not without effect." (1 Corinthians 15:10) Early in my ministry career I was a college chaplain and often spoke at youth retreats. On one such occasion I was traveling from Chicago to Seattle with two college students who were to provide music. We were on United Airlines which at that time scheduled flight attendants to work together for an entire month. Somewhere over South Dakota the crew announced that because this was the last day of their working together, they were going to celebrate by holding a talent contest for passengers. The winner would receive a bottle of champagne. Bob, one of my musician companions, immediately pulled his guitar down from the overhead luggage bin and went to the front of the plane with a handful of other hopefuls. I knew the others had no chance - none - against this extraordinarily talented young man with a flair for performance. The passengers on our DC-10 were treated to a series of lame jokes and old songs crooned badly - and then Bob. He sang a peppy song he had written using invented words that was a hit at every youth retreat. He engaged his audience at 35,000 feet and soon had them singing his nonsense syllables with gusto. Returning to his seat at the rear of the plane to loud applause, grinning from east to west, Bob proudly displayed his bottle of champagne. "What else could I do?" he said. "I am what I am - an entertainer!" It's a great mercy to be able to accept the circumstances and opportunities - and limitations - which make up my life in this moment. To receive and work within them, not lamenting that they are not stronger.or other.than they are right now - this is the meaning of living by grace. I am what I am. Greater still is the mercy of hope, the ability to embrace my sample of life while looking forward to what's next. It's not enough to say, "I'm stuck here; I can do no other." Grace is dynamic. Full of hope, I accept with gratitude the circumstances of today, but I live with the promise of tomorrow. I'm becoming what I ought to be. A young man whose body and speech were severely affected by cerebral palsy spoke at a meeting I attended. "What you see is a handicapped person," he said. "I am what I am. But in here," he continued, pointing to his head, "I'm All-Star second baseman, turning double plays and headed to the Hall of Fame." I was moved. Grace is not without effect. >From Mikey's Funnys ~ To subscribe, email: funnies-subscribe@lists.mikeysFunnies.com =============================================================== >-->Press Bloopers , , |\ /| \ `-.\ \/ /.-' / \_ / \ _/ __.--/ __ __ \--.__ * `\__.| (. .) |.__/` | /\ | ___ ) * \ | | / ___ /,--.\ ( ) |_/ \_|.......---''`` ``-./ | \\___// / \ ` | '---' \ ^ ^ / \ \ .-''-._/ , | -.-'``''`` `'<_.-. / | | | \ | \ | | \ \ \ \ | `._\ / _\ / \ \ /'''---/```` '-. \ \ \ | \ / \ | ( ( | U'U'U' | | | | | / / | | | | | _/ .` / / _| _| | / ( _/ / / / ( ---` / ( gnv|___\ |___\ He left for a vacation at his lodge, taking his favorite two great dames with him. Rev. Hammond was congratulated on being able to get his parish plastered. His left thumb, which was shot away, is doing nicely. We've got fifty yankettes married into English nobility right now. Some of them are duchesses. Some are countesses. Eleven are baronesses. Only one is a lady. The font so generously presented by Mrs. Smith will be set in position at the east end of the Church. Babies may now be baptized at both ends. The church is now forming a Little Mothers Club. All women desiring to become Little Mothers are asked to meet with the pastor in his study after services. Dr. Gilbert Murray, O.M., will celebrate his ninetieth birthday quietly at his home at Boars Hill, near Oxford, tomorrow, with his wife, Lady Mary Murray. They have been married 66 years. This evening he is to broadcast in the BBC Home Service a talk called "Unfinished Battle." A loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of the members in memory of his wife. ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >Medical Stimulus Package... priceless.... Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the new economic stimulus package.... The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!' Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a** holes in Washington . --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Viv! ============================================================= >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) PLEASE Visit These To Help Shangrala's New Traffic Grow: Age of War http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39666&s=n Sinking Island http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40217&s=n Pac Man http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39691&s=n Squirrel Car Crash http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39814&s=n Dead Frontier Night 3 http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=39934&s=n -<>- WALL BUILDERS - True American Founding Father's History! http://www.wallbuilders.com/ -<>- >From Our Friend John-Paul :) Which is the best burger? Recipe http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/31785315/ns/today_food_and_wine-today_food_recipe/ --- ...Interesting! Thanks John-Paul! -<>- >From Our Friend Maxy's Pal :) Shuttle Endeavour lands safely in Florida - MSNBC Articles http://news.mobile.msn.com/en-us/articles.aspx?afid=1&aid=32234721 --- ...Cool! Thanks Maxy's Pal! -<>- >From Our Friend Viv :) ACORN Exposed: http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=104842 --- ...Good Info! Thanks Viv! -<>- >From Our Friend FlameOn :) Jay Leno's EcoJet http://autos.yahoo.com/articles/autos_content_landing_pages/1033/jay-lenos-ecojet/ --- ...Awesome! Thanks FlameOn! -<>- >From The MouthPiece: BAD BRIDAL FASHION http://www.goingbridal.com/etc/ RUMOR MAKER http://www.rumormaker.com/ MY CAT HATES YOU http://www.mycathatesyou.com/ SIGN LANGUAGE http://www.signslanguage.com/ -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley: Wacky Gift Gallery http://xrl.in/2tm3 Wikipedia Download Tool http://www.okawix.com Tech Reviews http://www.cnet.com/ Corning Museum of Glass http://www.cmog.org/dynamic.aspx?id=192 The Loftcube Project http://tinyurl.com/49owl --- ...Great Ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: Amnesty Bills Worst Provision http://www.buffaloschips.com/gfrd.htm Funnel Prank http://www.buffaloschips.com/grtr.htm Funniest Video Of The Year http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjuhj.htm Funny http://www.buffaloschips.com/gbvbn.htm Funny Video http://www.buffaloschips.com/gvdfr.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." - George Carlin "I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out." - Steven Wright "Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose." - Robin Williams "The government is warning that substantial amounts of marijuana are now being grown on federal park lands. They noticed the problem when large groups of bears started following the Dave Matthews Band." - Conan O'Brien "I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." - George Bernard Shaw "New research shows that the average adult forgets three things each day. The most common are Internet passwords, charging cell phones, and... something else, I forget." - Jimmy Fallon Many of us have heard opportunity knocking at our door, but by the time we unhooked the chain, pushed back the bolt, turned two locks, and shut off the burglar alarm - it was gone! "There are two kinds of people in this world - those who are always getting ready to do something, and those who go ahead and do it." - Elbert Hubbard "There is a wonderful word - Why? - that children, all children use. When they stop using it, the reason too often is that no one bothered to answer them. No one focused and cultivated the child's innate sense of the adventure of life." - Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962) U.S. First Lady and humanitarian ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSEE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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