Training For A Zombie Invasion... :) Shangy!
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
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bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
(( "####@@!!$$ ))
`#####@@!$$` ))
(( '####@!!$:
(( ,####@!!$: ))
.###@!!$:
`##@@!$:
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!@# `#@!$: @#$
#$ `#@!$: !@!
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*~* May God Bless And Help All Those Affected By Hurricane Sandy *~*
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
I heard from our friend PatDeE today. Such a blessing as I was
concerned for him and many of our friends there in NJ And NY.
Pat said he just got his power back after losing it for a week!
I don't like thinking of so many suffering. I wish Obama would have
spent the stimulus money - $800 billion - to good use on updating
our electric grid - getting it buried sure would help it be more
stable! But he wasted it and we have nothing to show for it except
being more in debt.
Have you been listening to Pres. Obama at his campaigns? He talks
about how the housing market and the economy is coming back. I don't
see it here. My son took his children out trick-or-treating here in
our Northwestern Ohio town. He complained about how much walking they
had to do because of all the empty houses, vacant lots and no lights
being lit. He said the churches were the best. They had many kids
there and were handing out lots of treats to them. He also took the
the kids to their mom's town in Indiana. He said it was even worse
there. Maybe only one light lit for a whole block and many empty
houses. He said this was the worse trick-or-treat he can remember.
Obama just has a record of failed plans and broken promises. People
are hurting and the economy - if their is a recovery - is way too
slow for our people in need!
I listened to Romney's closing speech again. I sure do believe
he will make us a good president! His secretary said that when he
first took office as Mayor in Massachusetts he asked her to put all
his promises from his campaign on the bulletin board as he didn't want
to miss any. She said he went down the list checking them off as he
got them done - first time she can remember that happening!
Romney is a man of his word. It is nice to have someone we can trust
for a change! We need to get God backing this country again. We
certainly don't need four more years of the same.
And that's my two cents.
Like Romney said - don't vote for revenge - vote for love of Country!
...and I'd like to add - vote for love of God And Country!
-<>-
>-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
My 'Press' was smoking over the weekend! We have 3 sizzlin'
hot ones to bless your heart and your day today!
This first one comes from 3 of our friends - GloriaB, Linda,
and PatdeE! It is sure to warm the hearts of all our animal
lovers - especially those of you who love dogs! Check it
out here...
-----------------------------/ ^^^^^^^ \
/ | | * * | |
/ | ) | ||\__/ @ \__/
\/ \ / /----------\______/ \ // '-'
||=|= ||=|=
unknown
DOGS!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogs.html
---
...Wow, those warm fuzzy feelings are all over me with this one!
Thank you Gloria, Linda and Pat!
This next one is from our friend Sharon. It is a 'head shaking'
one that is sure to amaze you! Check out this lavish and lush
one here...
.--""L""---___ J | |
J J ""L L J J J----"""J""---__
| | J J L L_--""|"--L | F J
L L__ ___ L L | J | J F J F
\""""""" | """""-----, L | J J F |
\ L L L | | | J J _.---"""
\ J | | | | F F F /
\ | J | | | J J | /
\ L ___---++...;.++'--__ F J /
\ J L""----____ __---""J__--=----_E_ /
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""; | L | | J / /
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\ L L | F F / /
\ J J | J | / /
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World's Most Extreme House!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehouse.html
---
...Leaves me speechless! Just Unbelievable! Thanks Sharon!
This last but not least one is from our friend KarenF. It is
a practical one with lots of sweet character to it. Check it
out here...
... * . _ .
* . * . * (_) *
. |* .. * ..
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..,;;`#%/__) ((( (((
Ten Tips For Living
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tips.html
---
...Awww, such a cute one! Thank You KarenF!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Redneck 911 Emergency
___
/.-.\ || ||
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. \'-'/ || ||
The 911 operator told Bubba that she would `// || ||
send someone out right away. // || ||
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag
her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE NOVEMBER HOLIDAYS ------------+
November 5 is Gunpowder Day
November 6 is Saxophone Day and Marooned Without A Compass Day
November 7 is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day
November 8 is Dunce Day
November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day
November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day
November 11 is Air Day
=========================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
____
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`='===='
>Basic Training
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement
was a demanding 12-mile march.
We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the
end would ever come. "Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine
job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace. "And," he continued, "we should
reach the starting point any minute now."
-<>-
>Children's Sermon
Yesterday at church, a lady from the congregation was presenting the
children's sermon. She walked up to the front of the church and said,
"May I have all of the children?"
As the children walked forward, several parents responded, "Yes."
One quick-witted father asked, "For how long?"
-<>-
>Doorbell
I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies
door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting several homes, she
commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang,
some warbled.
We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.
At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church
tower down the street began to chime.
She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face.
"Now that's a doorbell!"
-<>-
\_/
--(_)-- .
/ \ /_\
|Q|
.-----' '-----. __
/____[SCHOOL]___\ ()))
| [] .-.-. [] | (((())
..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb
>School Math vs. Household (Reality) Math
We all learned School Math, and we know that the results never change.
For instance, 2 + 2 will always equal 4, and 10 X 10 will always equal
100.
While School Math is very useful, it doesn't always apply to real life
situations because the world actually runs according to what you might
call Household, or Reality, Math. Below are a few examples of story
problems, with the answer according to School Math (what you would
write to pass a test in school) and Household, or Reality, Math (what
you need to know in order to function in the real world, and usually
find out the hard way).
COOKING:
You volunteered to bring 6 dozen cookies to the school carnival. If the
cookie recipe states "makes 5 dozen medium size cookies", will you have
enough cookies if you double the batch?
SCHOOL MATH: Yes - doubling the batch will make 10 dozen cookies,
you'll have plenty to take and some to eat at home.
HOUSEHOLD MATH: No. A cookie recipe that states "makes 5 dozen medium
size cookies" actually makes 2 dozen very small cookies. You will need
to triple the batch. Better yet, just pick up 5 dozen chocolate chip
cookies from a bakery or your local warehouse store. No one will care
whether you baked them, and chocolate chip cookies are always
appreciated.
LAUNDRY:
You have 4 people in your family, who each wear one pair of socks per
day. When you do the weekly laundry, how many socks are you washing?
SCHOOL MATH: 2 socks per person X 4 people X 7 days = 56 socks in the
hamper.
HOUSEHOLD (REALITY) MATH: 2 socks per person X 4 people X 7 days = 160
socks in the hamper.
If you ask the family, no one changed socks more than once per day; in
fact, it takes vigilance to make sure your eight-year old son doesn't
try to wear the same pair every day.
What’s puzzling about laundry is that the answer can change several
times, depending on the stage in the laundry process. For instance:
Removed from the washer:
HOUSEHOLD MATH: 159 socks come out of the washer.
Removed from the dryer:
HOUSEHOLD MATH: 157 socks, which you fold and put in each person’s sock
drawer.
In any given family member’s sock drawer on Monday morning:
HOUSEHOLD MATH: 3 socks, none of which match, one with a hole
NATURAL LAWS:
It’s also interesting that what we consider to be natural "laws" can be
very different in the world of Household (Reality) Math. For instance:
QUANTITY:
You clear the breakfast table and place the dishes in the sink. You ate
a container of yogurt and an apple, your husband had only a mug of
coffee and toast; your two children each had a glass of milk, one had a
bowl of cold cereal and the other requested chicken nuggets with
ketchup. You decide that since there are so few dishes, you'll do them
by hand when you get home. Everyone leaves the house for work or
school. How many dishes will be in the sink when you get home?
SCHOOL MATH: 2 spoons, 1 butter knife, 2 milk glasses, 1 cereal bowl, 1
Tinkerbell plate and 1 coffee mug = 8 dishes to wash up, no problem.
HOUSEHOLD (REALITY) MATH: 7 spoons, 3 butter knives, 2 milk glasses, 3
bowls, 1 Tinkerbell plate, 5 water glasses, 1 coffee mug, 11 forks, 4
saucers, 1 of your “best” china dinner plates that no one admits to
using, 1 sippy cup and 2 plastic dinosaurs = 39 dishes to wash up and 2
dinosaurs to remove and ask a child to put away; Or, better yet, 39
dishes to put in the dishwasher and give up the idea of doing them by
hand.
VOLUME:
Your 12 lb. puppy uses piddle pads that state they absorb up to 16 oz.
of liquid. According to the Vet Answerman website, a normal dog drinks
1 oz. of water per pound per 24 hour day. You’re leaving for work and
will return in 9 hours; will one piddle pad be enough?
SCHOOL MATH: Yes, one will be enough. Even if the dog piddled out every
ounce of water she drank, she could not create more than 12 oz. of
piddle in a 24 hour day. You can expect her to produce around 4-6 oz.
of piddle while you’re at work, and the pad absorbs twice that.
HOUSEHOLD MATH: You will need at least 4 piddle pads, placed in several
strategic locations. Though the puppy drinks 12 oz. of water, she will
seem to produce several gallons of piddle. Some of it will hopefully be
on the piddle pads, but she will also piddle on the carpet, the new rug
in the family room, the mail including the latest issue of your
favorite magazine and a letter from the IRS stamped URGENT, and in the
center of your bed.
FORCE:
Your husband proudly informs you that he can press 100 lbs. at the gym.
Will he be able to remove his 30 lb. 3-year old from the neighbor’s
newly poured cement driveway?
SCHOOL MATH: Yes, if he can lift 100 lbs., he should be able to lift 30
lbs. quite easily.
HOUSEHOLD MATH: Well, yes, eventually, after the child has run up and
down the driveway, sat down in the wet cement, covered his father’s
pants and shirt with it and screamed till the neighbor comes out to see
what’s going on. As any parent knows, a 30 lb. child who has gone limp
with resistance weighs a lot more than any 100 lb. barbell.
PROBABILITY:
A 1" x 1" Lego is lying in the center of a 10' x 10' room. What are the
chances of you stepping on the Lego in your bare feet in the dark?
SCHOOL MATH: 1:14,400 chance = .006944% probability of stepping on the
Lego.
HOUSEHOLD MATH: 99.9% probability, which is about the same chance you
have of tripping over the cat who is able to see you stepping on the
Lego in the dark and so can calculate the best strategic moment to dash
in front of you in order to cause maximum chaos, the most entertaining
language and the greatest damage to surrounding furniture, before
retiring to the laundry room to calmly lick the underside of its hind
leg.
TIME:
Suppose you are the mother of 9 month old twins. You are dressed nicely
and ready to go to a special event. It takes you 10 minutes to diaper
and dress one baby. You are due to be there in 40 minutes and your
destination is only 10 minutes away. Will you be on time?
SCHOOL MATH: Yes. (10 min X 2 babies) + 10 min drive = 30 minutes, you
may even be a few minutes early.
HOUSEHOLD (REALITY) MATH: Not a chance. (10 min X Baby 1) + (10 min X
Baby 2) + (20 min to find another clean outfit and re-change Baby 1) +
(10 min to change your own clothes again) + (15 min to calm screaming
meltdown and stuff resisting Baby 2 into carseat2) + (10 min to stuff
wriggling Baby 1 who is determined to grab Baby 2’s pacifier into
carseat 1) + (20 min to pack all the baby paraphernalia into the back
of the car) + ( . . . You'll be late. Or, consider whether the trip is
really worth it. If not, change into sweats, give each baby a cracker
and start a batch of laundry.
So, do study your school math you'll need it in the workplace, and you
can also use it to add up groceries, subtract medical co-pays from your
checkbook, count each child’s M&M’s so they won't fight over the extra
one, etc. etc.
But keep in mind that the real world doesn't always follow the rules of
math or science we learned in school.
-<>-
>Senior Safety
I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today.
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would
you take?"
Apparently, "Great Big Ones" was the wrong answer.
==========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
.---.
(_---_)
(_/6 6\_)
( v )
`\ /'
.-'': ;``-.
/ \,Y./ \
/ (:)___ \
: .-'XXX`-.`\_;
`.__.-XXX-.__.'\_
/ / XXX \ \ `\_
/ XXX \ `\
/ XXX \ _`\___
jgs / \ (`--"""-')
/ \ (=-=-=-=-)
`--...___ ___...--' (________)
>Senior Password:
My memory really sucks, Mildred, so I changed my password
to 'incorrect'. That way when I log in with the wrong password
the computer will tell me 'your password is incorrect'.
---
...LOL! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
.-""`````````""-.
/'-.___________.-'\
; ;
| __.......__ |
|.-'` ~ `'-.|
|::-.___~______~.-'`|
;:::::. ;
\::::. /
':::::. .'
`-:::::.._.-'
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
jgs ___| |___
.-'` | | `'-.
( `"""` )
'._ _.'
`"""""""""`
>Online Recipes
Ham Recipes
http://www.nancyskitchen.com/ham-recipes.htm
Turkey Recipes | How to cook a turkey
http://www.nancyskitchen.com/turkey-recipes/
Cranberry Recipes
http://www.nancyskitchen.com/cranberry_recipes.htm
RECIPES FOR DOGS & CATS
http://www.xmarks.com/site/www.recipezaar.com/recipes/pet-food
---
...Cool! Thanks Bunni!
=======================================================
>-->From our friend KarenF :)
[Politics]
>Would you vote for this man?
While running for a prior office this candidate toured a V.A. hospital.
While there he asked to see the books and after reviewing them for
forty minutes he told the director, "You run a very good place, very
tight. Very good."
He then toured the hospital for an additional hour.
At the end, the last question he asked was "So, what... what do you --
what are you lacking? What do you need help with?" The response?
"Milk."
At this point in front of the press, he made a really awkward joke
where he said, "Maybe we should teach everyone here how to milk a cow."
That, unfortunately, was all the press really cared about. They had
gotten their quote and ran with the headline that the candidate said
"...the veterans should have to milk cows."
So far standard stuff during a campaign, but here is where it gets
interesting.
The next day the candidate called up the director of the V.A. hospital
and apologized for any problems for the hospital that attention of the
press jumping on his words. He next offers to help with the milk
situation.
=== ===
=== ===
___===____________oooo___________oooo____________===___
|___===___________________________________________===___|
=== | /O O\ | ===
dwb || || jrb
=== || || ===
( | _ | )
|| ( ) || _
|| _/_-_\_ || \
ooooO /___|___\ Ooooo ==
((( )|____^____|( ))) / \
(|)MMMMM| |#####(|) |MILK|
(_)MMMM/ \####(_) |____|
----------------------------------------------------------------------
__ ____ ___ __ ___ ___
( )(_ _) ( \ / \( _)/ __)
)( )( ) ) )( () )) _)\__ \
(__) (__) (___/ \__/(___)(___/
____ _ _ ___ ___ __ ___ _ _ __ __ __ ___ _
(_ _)( )( )( _) ( ,) / \( \( \/ ) / _) / \ / \( \ / \
)( )__( ) _) ) ,\( () )) ) )\ / ( (/\( () )( () )) ) )\_/
(__) (_)(_)(___) (___/ \__/(___/(__/ \__/ \__/ \__/(___/ (_)
Next Friday the milkman comes, and deliveries 7000 pints of milk,
which is what the hospital needed each week. The director asks the
milkman "Where did all this come from?" The milkman replies "An
anonymous donor."
Next week the milkman shows up again with 7000 pints of milk, and again
refuses to tell the director who was paying for it.
A month goes by with 7000 pints of milk showing up each week, the
director asks the milkman again "Who is paying for this?" The milkman
replies again "An anonymous donor".
Three more months of 7000 pints of milk showing up each week, and
every week the director asks "You have to tell me, who is paying for
this?" And the milkman again replies "An anonymous donor. He does not
want anyone to know."
The same exchange happens again when three more months go by.
After 6 more months the director and the milkman have the same
exchange again. At this point 7000 pints of milk have been showing up
every week for a year.
Another year goes by with 7000 pints of milk showing up every
week.......Then the milkman is about the retire.
The director of the V.A. pleads with him to reveal the anonymous donor,
and at last the milk man relents.
He tells the director that the candidate who toured his hospital two
years ago and made that awkward joke, was writing a personal check for
the milk each week.
Would you vote for this man? A politician that helped his fellow man
and wanted no credit for it?
If so click here to find out who this man is.
http://iwouldvotefourhim.webstarts.com/
---
...Wow. Most telling! Thanks KarenF!
The man has character! Here's more for you...
7 Incredible Personal Stories About Mitt Romney That You May
Not Know John Hawkins | 25 September, 2012
http://tinyurl.com/9ytjq4d
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[Politics]
>From PoliticalOutcast:
From "Hope and Change" to "Revenge"
http://tinyurl.com/cjl9pbc
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
White House 'dinner' - A MUST SEE
Please take time to watch this stunning video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XzhtMPU0Uts
---
...Not too surprising! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend JoeL :)
Benghazi-Gate: Help Denied, People Died
http://tinyurl.com/ajvdawq
CONSERVATISM IS CALLING - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsa4uLmTw0M&feature=player_embedded
Obama's Barbaric Views on Partial Birth Abortion and Infanticide
http://tinyurl.com/bxqzn5q
---
...Thanks JoeL!
-<>-
>From GunAlerts:
SEALs: Not Silent Any More
http://tinyurl.com/btsr9cp
-<>-
>From MinuteMenNews:
Increasing Threats from Obama and the Gang...Scared Yet?
http://tinyurl.com/d7awvrl
-<>-
>From ConservativeByte:
'Obama Murdered My Son'
http://tinyurl.com/bojezup
Chris Rock: Obama is Whiter than Romney!
http://tinyurl.com/bug9nz2
-<>-
>From GodfatherPolitics:
You Admit You're a Slave if You Vote for Obama
http://tinyurl.com/d3u8om9
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Brazil is a terrifying place. It is like something out of
prehistoric times. Venturing into the dense rainforests of
Brazil an unfamiliar adventurer wouldn't be surprised to
find dinosaurs stomping around in the unexplored interior.
And many of the species you will find in Brazil are not
far off.
Brazil is home to one of the world's deadliest fish, the
Piranha, one of the world's deadliest snakes, the Coral
Snake, one of the world's biggest spiders, the Goliath
bird-eating spider and one of the world's most painful
waxes. Now a new discovery makes Brazil home to one of the
world's most intimidating amphibians, the Penis Snake.
A group of engineers building a dam in the Amazon recently
discovered the bizarre, limbless monster while draining
part of the Madeira River.
The official name of the animal is Atretochoana eiseltiis,
but one look at the fleshy-looking member and the name
"Penis Snake" immediately springs to mind.
Biologist Julian Tupan said, "Despite looking like snakes,
they aren't reptiles and are more closely related to
salamanders and frogs. We think the animal breathes through
its skin, and probably feeds on small fish and worms, but
there is still nothing proven. The Amazon is a box of
surprises when it comes to reptiles and amphibians. There
are still much more to be discovered."
Informally, the new Amazon River dweller is being called a
"floppy snake," but media outlets are having a little fun
coming up with names like penis snake and man-aconda.
(()))
/|x x|
/\( - )
___.-._/\/
/=`_'-'-'/ !!
|-{-_-_-} !
(-{-_-_-} !
\{_-_-_} !
}-_-_-}
{-_|-_}
{-_|_-}
{_-|-_}
{_-|-_} ZOT
____%%@ @%%_______
In Other BIZARRE News... your government is preparing for
a Zombie Invasion with a Training demonstration designed to
test emergency response in case of a zombie attack.
Finally, tax money going to a good use.
An untold number of so-called zombies are coming to a counter-
terrorism summit attended by hundreds of Marines, Navy special
ops, soldiers, police, firefighters and others to prepare them
for their worst nightmares.
"This is a very real exercise, this is not some type of big
costume party," said Brad Barker, president of Halo Corp, a
security firm hosting the Oct. 31 training demonstration
during the summit at a 44-acre Paradise Point Resort island
on a San Diego bay. "Everything that will be simulated at this
event has already happened, it just hasn't happened all at
once on the same night. But the training is very real, it just
happens to be the bad guys we're having a little fun with."
In the scenario, a VIP and his personal detail are trapped in
a village, surrounded by zombies when a bomb explodes. The
VIP is wounded and his team must move through the town while
dodging bullets and shooting back at the invading zombies.
At one point, some members of the team are bit by zombies and
must be taken to a field medical facility for decontamination
and treatment.
"No doubt when a zombie apocalypse occurs, it's going to be
a federal incident, so we're making it happen," Barker said.
Since word got out about the exercise, they've had calls
from "every whack job in the world" about whether the U.S.
government is really preparing for a zombie event.
The Homeland Security Department jumped on board last month,
telling citizens if they're prepared for a zombie attack,
they'll be ready for real-life disasters like a hurricane,
pandemic, earthquake or terrorist attack.
Makes perfect sense.
---
...How sad. Our government can't even show up to keep our own
Ambassador safe in Lybia, but it can come all out to train
for a 'zombi invasion'. Makes you wonder.
*-- Study: Dogs dig classical music --*
FORT COLLINS, Colo. - A Colorado State University professor
said his research indicates dogs are soothed by classical
music while heavy metal makes them anxious. Lori Kogan,
associate professor at CSU's College of Veterinary Medicine
and Biomedical Sciences and lead author of the study
published in the Journal of Veterinary Behavior, said she
and her team exposed 117 dogs to three types of music:
classical, heavy metal and psychoacoustic classical music
specifically designed to sooth animals, Postmedia News
reported Friday. Kogan said the dogs listening to classical
music, which were of varying breeds, were generally more
relaxed and restful than dogs in the no-music control
group, while those listening to heavy metal displayed
increased anxiety and unrest. Kogan said the psychoacoustic
music had only a minimal calming effect on the canines. "I
did thousands of behavioral assessments over a period of
four months ... So the likelihood that this is an error
is pretty small," Kogan said. "It does fly in the face of
what [Pet CD advocates] talk about, which is that more
simplistic music should be more relaxing. The plus side
is that you can download classical music for free."
*-- Firefighters arrive to find fireplace DVD --*
JONKOPING, Sweden - Swedish firefighters said they respond-
ed to a report of flames seen through an apartment's window
only to discover it was a DVD of a fireplace. Jonkoping
firefighters said they were called Wednesday by workers at
a senior care home who spotted flames through the window
of a nearby apartment building, Swedish news agency TT
reported Thursday. "We quickly realized that it was one of
those DVDs of a fireplace," firefighter Jerker Sturedahl
said. Emergency responders said the TV screen fire video
was quite relaxing. "We even stayed and watched the fire
for a while afterward," police officer Goran Gunnarson
said.
*-- 991.5-pound pumpkin tips scales --*
IRVINE, Calif. - A California man's 991.5-pound pumpkin
was the top prize winner at the 2012 Pumpkinmania giant
pumpkin weigh-off. Stuart Shim, 53, event organizer and
financial manager from Rancho Santa Margarita, said John
Sach of Whittier brought the heaviest gourd to the Irvine
for Sunday's weigh-off, a 991.5-pound pumpkin he dubbed
Sally, The Orange County Register reported Monday. Sach,
68, said his secret to pumpkin growing involves "a lot of
water and a lot of food." Sach took home a $1,000 grand
prize check.
*-- Study: Horror films burn calories --*
WESTMINSTER, England - Scientists at a British university
said their research indicates horror movie viewers could
burn up to 113 calories in 90 minutes. Dr. Richard
Mackenzie of the University of Westminster, England, said
he and his team monitored the heart rate, oxygen intake
and carbon dioxide output of people watching scary movies
and discovered some of them were burning the same amount
of calories found in a chocolate bar, The Mirror reported
Monday. "The 10 films tested set pulses racing," Mackenzie
said. "Adrenaline is known to lower the appetite, increase
the basal metabolic rate and ultimately burn calories."
Mackenzie said those watching "The Shining" burned an
average 184 calories viewing the film, while "Jaws"
viewers burned 161 calories, those watching "The Exorcist"
burned 158, "Alien" watchers burned 152 and "Saw" watchers
burned 133.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
,
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," ".
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" / \ | o|
\ `-o-" `-',
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(_)))_ _,"
_))))_,
--------(_,-._)))-------------------------------
n4bis
My wife and I were playing Trivia for Dummies when she amazed
me by answering correctly that there are seven rays on the
crown of the Statue of Liberty.
"How in the world did you know that?" I asked.
Rolling her eyes, she answered, "Duuuhh...the seven original
colonies!"
-<>-
I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches
on the new deck outside my house. My sister pulled into the
driveway, greeted me, and looked over my work.
"Wow," she gushed, "you're an expert."
Feeling complimented and satisfied, but...trying not to seem
egotistical, I responded... "Once you get going, it's pretty
easy!"
She looked puzzled and wondering if I'd misunderstood her I
asked, "What did you just say?"
She replied, "I said, your neck's burnt!"
-<>-
At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call
Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention,"
he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at
the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't
realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"
-<>-
_...._
.` `.
/ *** \ The Crystal Ball
: ** : says.........
: : You don't really
\ / believe in fortunes,
`-.,,,,.-' do you?
_( )_
) (
( )
`-......-`lc
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her
dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin
fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she
begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying,
"Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds,
"Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one
question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
-<>-
We had built our dream house several years ago, and
furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them.
Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new
bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.
"Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the
driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve
years for this!"
"Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this
morning."
-<>-
Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of
Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated
on my driver's license.
"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."
-<>-
o
,;' `;,
/__\___________________/__\
_
_[_]_
_(_)______.-'`-.
/, >< ,----' `-._.-'*
\\|::| Welcome to the Circus
|/\| We already got enough Clowns,
|||| You got any experiance with
|||| Being shot from a canon??
__(_/\_)
/`-..__.,-'\
/ __/\__ \
`._ \ / _.'MJP
``|/\|-'
On a recent trip to Washington, DC, my family sat in the
gallery balcony of the U.S. House of Representatives to
watch a vote that was in progress.
From her spot high above all the action, our three-year-old
daughter, Rachel, asked, "Is this a ball game or a circus?"
[Little did she know she was watching a circus.]
-<>-
Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something
really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized,
they made up.
However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had
done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you
keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive
and forget.'"
"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that
I've forgiven and forgotten."
-<>-
A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's
something wrong with her password.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just
shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician
explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they
wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one
standing behind me!"
-<>-
_,_
(;;;)
,__/a /;\
(__ |;|_
'--. \;/;)
@\(,;)'\
(;;) '._
\ / _ '-.
||| | `\ _
|||`-.\ \ (;;)
((;;) (;;).' \\
jgs (((_) (((__) (;)
A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked
what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50,
she was outraged.
"I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!"
The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't
bite, do you?!"
-<>-
I was in my wills and trusts course when the professor posed
this question to the students: Why do people choose to have
their children, rather than their siblings, inherit their
estate?
After students offered various theories, one fellow raised
his hand. "This may be a bit off the point," he said, "but
when I was little, when my brother and sister finished
playing with me, they would put me into a drawer."
==========================================================
>-->FromTheMouth:
.::\)`:`,
.:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----,
;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`.
;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\
;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\
:;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~
| `____/ ( { ))())) . .`,
____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . |
/ \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .|
| ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . |
| \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .|
| |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . |
\ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. |
\ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .|
\ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . |
\ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . |
\ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (,
\._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ;
| | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. |
| .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .|
| / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . |
| /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. |
| | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .|
| | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| |
|/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . |
| ! | | | | ! |~~~~'
| ! | | | | ! |
| ! | | | | ! |
| ! `| `| |' |' ! |
>-------------- The Funny Side of Marriage --------------
One woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied,
"Well, yes, but I married the wrong man."
Getting married is very much like going out to a
restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then
when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you
had ordered that.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his
bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts
of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
A man once said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married; and then it was too late."
A man took out a classified ad saying "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred responses saying "You
can have mine."
Some men define marriage as a very expensive way to get
your laundry done free.
And some learn that the most effective way to remember
your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you
know that either the wife is new - or the car is.
Husband: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
Wife: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't care!"
-<>-
>** FAMOUS LAST WORDS **
* I'll get a world record for this..
* It's fireproof.
* He's probably just hibernating.
* What does this button do?
* It's probably just a rash.
* Are you sure the power is off?
* Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
* The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
* Pull the pin and count to what?
* Which wire was I supposed to cut?
* I wonder where the mother bear is.
* I've seen this done on TV.
* These are the good kind of mushrooms.
* I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
* Let it down slowly.
* Rat poison only kills rats.
* It's strong enough for both of us.
* This doesn't taste right.
* I can make this light before it changes.
* Nice doggie.
* I can do that with my eyes closed.
* I've done this before.
* Well, we've made it this far.
* That's odd.
* You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?
* Don't be so superstitious.
* Now watch this.
-<>-
,---,_ ,
_> `'-. .--'/
.--'` ._ `/ <_
>,-' ._'.. ..__ . ' '-.
.-' .'` `'. '.
> / >`-. .-'< \ , '._\
/ ; '-._> <_.-' ; '._>
`> ,/ /___\ /___\ \_ /
`.-|(| \o_/ \o_/ |)|`
jgs \; \ ;/
\ .-, )-. /
/` .'-'. `\
;_.-`.___.'-.;
>** 25 Phrases Of Wisdom **
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one
you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life
is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably
need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of
checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts
feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with
it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness
of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast
to the real world.
==========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Angel Wing Decoys
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angel.html
Gasoline Price Humor
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gasoline.html
This Is India
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/india.html
Akiane Thru The Years
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy2.html
Human Chameleon
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chameleon.html
Typewriter Art 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart2.html
Aww Animals 8
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals8.html
Farmers Gone Wild
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/farm.html
Crop Circles
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery2.html
Humor In Politics 9
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics9.html
Humor In Religion 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion3.html
Life's Little Oops 11
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops11.html
Upside Down House
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/downhouse.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
HEY, IT MKAES GOOD SENSE TO ME.
I DO LOVE THE WHITE SQUIRRELS.
"WHEN THE ROAD LOOKS ROUGH AHEAD, REMEMBER THE 'MAN UPSTAIRS"
-John Wayne
http://www.youtube.com/embed/KV-RqPtT2PU
---
...Cool beans! Thanks Bunni!
Cute Video
http://www.coolestone.com/media/4288/They-Cut-My-Britches-Off/
More SMILES
http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/6dbBfXCMbH4?rel=0
---
...LOL! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Johanna :)
Reaction Test For Old People..
JUST CLICK ON THE DART WHEN THE SHEEP STARTS TO RUN
..... THERE ARE 5 SHEEP
Click here: Reaction Test
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf
---
...I think it cheats! LOL! Thanks Johanna!
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married.
She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I
can...she's always on my back." --Scott Wood
"My wife finally convinced me to sign what's called a living
will. It's a document that gives her the right, if I become
attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life. So
yesterday, I'm on the excercise bike..." -Jonathan Katz
"I thought it would be nice to get a job at a duty-free
shop, but it doesn't sound like there's a while lot to do
in a place like that." --George Carlin
"What insight could you possibly hope to gain from a man
whose I.Q. wouldn't make a respectable earthquake?"
--Diane Chambers (Shelley Long), CHEERS
"A new study shows that large doses of Vitamin E do not
protect against heart attacks and cancer, and might
actually raise the risk of heart failure. The study was
published in this month's Journal of Things that Scientists
Told You to Do Last Month That Turned Out to Be Harmful
This Month." --Dennis Miller
"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative."
- Oscar Wilde
"The best way to keep one's word is not to give it."
- Napoleon Bonaparte
"A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat."
- Katharine Whitehorn
"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by
age eighteen." --Albert Einstein
"Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey (which is true in both
mechanics and politics)" --T-shirt slogan
"I don't have a photograph, but you can have my foot-
prints. They're upstairs in my socks."
- Groucho Marx
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chrristian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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